


House of Memories

by StarsAndGemstones



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji is a Good Friend, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Bands, Alternate Universe - Music, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Angst and Feels, Aobajousai, Fluff and Angst, Fukuroudani, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Inarizaki, Karasuno, M/M, Memories, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Music, Musicians, Nekoma, Past Relationship(s), Science Fiction, Science fiction concepts, Secret Relationship, Shiratorizawa, daishou suguru is a jerk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 169,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24477919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarsAndGemstones/pseuds/StarsAndGemstones
Summary: Tokyo has advanced quite far.At the legal age of 21, people are allowed to enter, "The Brain". This place is built for the purpose of erasing or resetting horrid, traumatizing, or unpleasant memories. Services include: memory suppression, memory alteration, or just getting rid of a specific segment. Once memories are gone... they're gone.Or are they?The music industry is rough. Kuroo Tetsurou (26) is the lead guitarist of Truly Neon, a famous pop band. Sometimes he can't help but to feel like something is missing in his life...Tsukishima Kei (24) is an upcoming alternative artist, hanging onto the memories he once shared with someone else.Is it possible for lost memories to mend back together?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sakusa Kiyoomi/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 140
Kudos: 165





	1. Fake A Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fake A Smile - Track 4 (B-side)  
> From: Truly Neon, 3rd Mini Album - Colorless 
> 
> Lyrics:  
> If only for a short while,  
> I could fake that damned smile,  
> I wish I could be strong for you  
> But we all live in this world of blue  
> I'm weak and it's pathetic  
> but at least give me some credit  
> I managed to fake a smile.

It's truly amazing to see a country progress so quickly. 

Japan has always been known for their quick technological advances. From holographic images of Hatsume Miku dancing on a stage to the advancements of faster transportation, the country truly does its best to take their game to the next level. There was one thing no one expected though...

Technology on memories.

The world is cruel. All over the seven continents, there are terrible people doing terrible things to others. Many of these people go through traumatizing flashbacks of awful times, memories that can never be taken out of the mind. People... suffer because of those memories. Those memories are embedded into one's brain, and no matter how hard someone tries, they will never forgot what has happened to them in their lives.

Until Japan came along with something new.

With many years of studies by psychologists, neurologists, scientists, and engineers, Japan had their first successful trial on erasing a painful memory. Permanently. They observed the one who volunteered to get tested for a period of time... and the person never did recall that memory. Japan continued to experiment, finding more and more success in their technology and methods.

They took it another step forward: Memory alteration and suppression. 

There are people who want to get rid of a specific person, place, or moment in their lives forever. Other don't want to rid of it, but they would rather face the memory later on in life. Procrastinate on it. Alteration was around the same process of erasure.... memory suppression had medication. Pills. Hard to swallow pills... kind of ironic, isn't it? After earning conformation for their products and services, the group of researchers took their creation out into the Japanese world.

Tokyo.

At the heart of the city, "The Brain", can be found. A big blue building where people stand in line to get their memories fixed up. Many victims of terrible deeds went there, but some people went simply to erase that pesky ex-lover from their minds. Others went to their nearest pharmacy to purchase memory suppression pills. If thought on, the services and products of "The Brain" can be used for good things.

Not all people think the same.

There a flaws to good things. Other than being 21 in order to purchase or use their services, there are no other restrictions. There was a simple contract to sign when it came to erasure and alteration, but money is power. Industries have shoved the agreement contract aside for when they asked their workers to get alterations.... because of the evil acts workers have seen from their CEOs and directors. Forced alteration. Forced erasure. 

It's even done on the most simple and prettiest memories.

But what would he know? Sure, the music industry is rough, but he had never heard of anything from that field. What would he know about the cruel reality that is life? 

Kuroo had never gotten anything done on him.

* * *

He bopped his head to the rhythm that was playing. Kuroo attentively listened to the person in the booth, making sure that every line they sang was coming out just right. Kuroo pressed the red button as the music stopped, “All clear. You’re good to go.”

Kuroo watched as Oikawa took off his headphones, placing them on the stand next to the microphone. He fixed his hair as he stepped out of the sound booth, going straight for the couch behind Kuroo.

”Wah! Tetsu-chan... you made me record that so many times,” Oikawa complained. 

”You kept going with a vibrato where it wasn’t needed,” Kuroo expressed as he looked down at his music sheet, "There doesn't always have to be a rift or fancy vocal sequence for something to give impact, ya know?"

"Yes, yes, anything you say producer," Oikawa rolled his eyes, "Don't forget that I'm the second producer for our group."

"I am very aware of that, but I'm in charge of this song," Kuroo cocked an eyebrow, waving his papers around, "Just because you made a hit last album doesn't mean I'm less of a producer than you."

"Still won the bet though," Oikawa stuck out his tongue, " _Coca-cola_ for the win!"

There was a soft sigh from the other end of the couch. The two glanced over to Akaashi, who was scrolling through his phone, " _Coca-cola_ may have gotten massive popularity, but I personally liked _Hopscotch_ better. A sticky tune does stay in the mind though. I remember everyone in the band got sick of playing your song."

"But we got many soda commercials because of the song," Oikawa pointed out, a smirk on his face, "Upgrades people, upgrades!"

Kuroo rubbed the temples of his head as he practically heard the song in his head. Their last album, _"Childhood_ ", was their first full studio album. They had gained popularity with the mini albums, but they definitely jumped in numbers because of the full album. Oikawa's self produced song, " _Coca-cola_ ", sent them flying into the charts for weeks. Their band was called "Truly Neon". It had no specific significance, but they had settled on the idea that it symbolized how their music has a different "pop" of color- it's a true neon color and not some bland neutral tone. There were six members: lead guitarist, rhythm guitarist, bassist, drums, keyboard, and the synthesizers. Three of their members had already recorded for this song, so Kuroo just called in Oikawa and Akaashi to finish their parts.

"If we keep talking about it, I'm going to get it stuck in me head," Akaashi groaned.

Oikawa's lips curled into a devious smile, " _Coca-cola, cherry on top..._ "

"Don't," Akaashi pleaded, his eyes narrowing at Oikawa.

" _How many boyfriends do you got?_ " Kuroo reluctantly joined in, trying to get the song out of his head, " _A, B, C, D, E, F, G! H, I, J, K, LMNOP!"_

" _This song can keep going strong, for this old list goes oh-so long,_ " Oikawa sang out, drumming his fingers to the rhythm, " _I'm sweeter than sweet, yeah it's quite a treat. Soda-pop may quench your thirst but honey..._ "

" _When you get with me, you'll never be at your worst!_ " the three yelled in unision. 

Akaashi and Kuroo shook their heads as Oikawa happily clapped, "See? No matter how much you hate it, it will always come around. _Hopscotch_ was a lovely song... but most people prefer a happier tune." 

" _Jump and a skip, it goes pitter-patter.... jump on my heart and make it all splatter,_ " Kuroo hummed along to the song he produced, " _You're the player and I'm being played, when you hop to hopscotch on a rainy day...."_

Akaashi joined in with a smile, " _The colored chalk washes away, broken heart pieces are starting to stray... why did you have to step on me? Oh can't you come to me and see what I see?_ "

" _I'm sick of a hop and a skip, I'm so sick of this child-like game_ ," the two ended. Akaashi nodded at Kuroo, "It's a great song. It'll be the better B-side in my heart. Underrated songs for the gold."

Oikawa shrugged, "There's only one question I have about _Hopscotch_.... who hurt you?" he asked, with genuine concern.

"Huh?" Kuroo asked as he spun in his chair.

"I mean... most of the songs you write are pretty sad. _Fake A Smile_ was the deeper one out of all of them though. Did someone hurt you? Was it a past relationship? Oh my god... Tetsu-chan-"

Kuroo bursted out in laughter, "Relationship? Me? Oikawa... you know very well that I've never dated in my life. Not to mention, we're under contract. We're not allowed to date- well, you're the only exception since you came in to audition with your lover. And then they wanted to get you in, but you refused until they allowed your partner to join in and to stay in the relationship."

Oikawa sighed, "The things they'll do for me. So many agencies... but I'm glad I picked this one. We're a pretty good band," he murmured as he glanced back at Kuroo, "But... you've really never been in a relationship?"

"No," Kuroo stated, "Not once in my life."

"Lies... did you happen to get work done on your memories?"

Kuroo laughed once more, "You know how I feel about "The Brain". I would never step into that place."

Akaashi pressed his lips into a thin line. He looked back down at his phone, his eyes widening slightly as he read a text, "If we're done, can I head out? I forgot I promised a friend that I would visit him." 

"You did well. Go on ahead," Kuroo gestured to the door, "See you tomorrow for practice."

Akaashi nodded as he collected his things and walked out the door. Oikawa also got up, looking back at Kuroo, "If you're telling the truth, then it's okay. If anything is wrong though... we're always here for you. Okay, Tetsu-chan?"

"Mhm. I'll see you tomorrow," he smiled. 

Oikawa waved as he left the music studio. Kuroo slumped back in his chair as the door lock clicked. The smile fell off of his face as he stared back at his music sheet. _"Empty"_. His newest song that was approved for their next album. Kuroo looked into the empty booth, staring at the lone headphones. He clasped and unclasped his hands, sighing as he spun slowly in the studio chair.

It's not like he was missing anything. Kuroo lived a nice life: school of the arts, getting into a big entertainment company, becoming famous quickly, having the best band-mates anyone could ask for... yeah. He wasn't missing anything.

Except for a normal life.

It's not a surprise that the music industry is rough. Idols and artists go through many things: stalkers, abuse from superiors, terrible diets, building mental issues, a broken sleep schedule.... bans on dating.

But it was something he loved to do.

Kuroo loved to go on stage. He smiled down on those happy faces as he strummed away on his guitar, singing the lyrics that his team poured blood, sweat, and tears into. It was great to see them succeed in such a short amount. He joined Truly Neon as a staring member, officially kicking off debut at the age of 22. Five years later, they were a force to be reckoned with. Tours, merchandise, ads... they were well-known and loved.

It's no surprise that his smile would eventually be forced.

He hated the paparazzi. He hated running away from the stores he shopped in when delusional fan girls tried to touch him. A mask and sunglasses became suffocating to him. Not to mention, Kuroo had to restrain himself if he ever fell in love. One wrong move and his whole career would be in shambles. One wrong post, one wrong action, one wrong picture...

The whole world was watching.

It didn't matter. He could still have a genuine smile when he made music or when he was on stage. He loved his work. It would never change. Even if he was going to be alone until they disbanded, Kuroo didn't mind. When he made music, he felt like nothing else mattered in the world. 

Kuroo slowly stood up, slipping his papers and things into his backpack. He slung his backpack over his shoulder, taking out his black mask as he stepped out of the studio. As he walked through the hallways of the entertainment company, trainees and workers gave him acknowledgement. Kuroo plastered on his best smile as he returned their gestures. As he looked out the entrance, his face fell.

There was a mob of fans outside. Oikawa was trapped in the circle. Akaashi was good at getting away from crowds... he must have left Oikawa behind. 

"Oh brother," he sighed as he placed the mask on his face. He cracked his neck and bounced on his toes. 

Here we go. Make a break for it! 

Kuroo ran out the doors, making a sharp turn as he steered away from the crowd. 

"Oh? Kuroo-senpai! He just ran by!!"

He cringed as he heard the stampede of fans coming towards him. He could hear Oikawa trying to calm down the ones who were around him. Not today... he really couldn't take mobs today. 

Kuroo screeched to a halt as another group of fans appeared in front of him. He sighed as the circle closed around him. Game over. He narrowed his eyes as there were flashes of lights from cameras and phones. People reached out to him, tugging on his hoodie and arms. Kuroo took off his mask, forcing that smile as girls and boys fawned over him. People handed him pens to sign things, which he did do. He took some pictures, some people getting awfully close to him. The crowd soon died down, Kuroo quickly jogging away before another group would find him.

Their fans were generally good people, but some were just... a little too much. Not knowing boundaries or where to stop.

As their CEO would say: "Do it for the fans. If you can't make them happy, they'll be your worst enemy."

A sad as it was, it was true. Some people followed artists for clout and to follow the trends, The moment an artist did something the "fan" didn't like though.... it was an immediate one hundred and eighty degrees. They would show their true selves... a fake fan. An even from fake fans and anti-fans, they could easily ruin someone's career as anyone else.

Kuroo sighed heavily as his smile fell away once more.

He kept jogging until he got lost in a crowd, pulling his hoodie over his head this time. To be a normal person, living an everyday life....

That would be nice.

If only he could to that while being a music artist. If he could have everything... that would be a dream. 

"Huh," he muttered to himself, "That could be a good song."

The artist got lost in the waves of the Tokyo streets. People chattered away on their phones smiling occasionally at those they made eye contact with. Many of them looked happy. Kuroo found himself plastering on a fake smile as he watched those people around him. They were peaceful. They seemed to genuinely enjoy their lives. It's not like Kuroo was missing on anything though, right?

His lifestyle wasn't that bad. It was everyone else's dream. He loved living within lyrics and chords.

He wasn't missing anything. His life could have been worse, but look at him! He was living the life. Travel, fame, love.... he had what anyone else would want. Kuroo shouldn't complain... he still loved his work. Music was the thing that drove him on. It was hard to make it in this industry, but he did it. They did it. To be rocking out on a stage, sweat glowing, voice singing, bright smiling.... it was a feat to admire. The music life was an art in itself. 

A normal life though...

It's a wonderful dream for any artist out there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each chapter title and summary will be songs that artists made (so they aren’t real songs). It’s something I wanted to try.


	2. Gummy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gummy - Digital Single  
> From: YELLOW MIND, 4th Digital Single
> 
> Lyrics:  
> Bite my head off and  
> chew me up, spit me out, like a gummy  
> for your information, I'm no hard candy  
> I'm a jelly, soft exterior and fragile body  
> my sour little mind thinks it's funny  
> when you chew me up and spit me out like a gummy.

"And cut!"

Tsukishima spat out the chain he had in his mouth. The necklace returned to his neck, resting loosely on his body. He reached up to the chain necklace, fiddling around with the little gummy bear charms on it. He looked up, staring into the camera lens in front of him. Music video filming. Tsukishima wasn't the type of artist who liked to film music videos. With his songs and albums, he would release lyric videos or animations for songs. However...

 _"Gummy"_ reached twenty million views. It was his most recent release. He didn't expect it to blow up in such a short amount of time, but as he promised to his fan base, he was in the making of the first music video where he would actually be in it physically.

It's really surprising if you think of it. The climb to the top is quite hard for alternative and indie artists. Most people prefer other genres. So for him to have a song go viral was pretty overwhelming. It's not like is other songs weren't popular, but he had just released _Gummy_ two days ago. The animation video for it was still going up in views, and many of his albums were being mass streamed. His name was all over Twitter too... this could probably turn into a one hit wonder. Then again, this song was heavily promoted compared to his other ones. Still...

"Why did I have to promise a music video at a milestone?" Tsukishima groaned, "And I still have to do the photo book jacket too."

The director for all of _Fly High Entertainment_ videos, Ennoshita Chikara, appeared behind the camera, "You've finished half of the shots today though. We've been working on this since the morning, but we're finishing quickly since you're pretty good with the camera. All of the shots are clean and natural."

Tsukishima walked over to the camera, checking the frames that were just shot. It was him, in front of a purple background, which allowed for his lime green hoodie to get a pop of color. No glasses, just contacts. The pink lollipop earrings swung from side to side as he shook his head, lip-syncing along to the song. As the chorus came up, he bit the chain necklace to match up with the "bite me" part of the song. There would then be close ups of people ripping off the heads of gummy bears, soon spitting them back out onto the floor.

"Perfect," Ennoshita smiled, "Very charismatic. We can end today's shooting. Tomorrow we're going to the candy shop we reserved for the rest of the video."

"Thanks for your hard work," he acknowledged to Ennoshita and the rest of the camera crew. They waved and said their goodbyes as Tsukishima walked off set, going back into his dressing room. He sat down in front of the mirror, taking off the heavy earrings first. He set them down, rubbing his sore earlobe from the weight. He wiped off any makeup he had on, throwing out the tissue promptly after he finished. Tsukishima replaced his contacts for his glasses, soon going back to his normal everyday image. 

He took off the necklace last, placing it back into the box it came from. Tsukishima leaned back into his chair, staring at himself in the mirror for a moment. Even with his frames, he could still see his dark circles. Maybe he should have kept on the makeup...

"YM, are you there?"

Tsukishima turned his head at the familiar voice, "Hey, Yamaguchi."

His friend grinned at him as he walked into the room, "Are you done with your activities for today? I still have to help Azumane with Hinata and Kageyama's photo shoot later today. Yachi will help you if you have more thing to do though..."

Tsukishima shook his head, "I'm done for the day."

Yamaguchi was _Fly High's_ best photographer. They were a pretty big company, but they stuck around with a compact group of workers and artists. As their main producer would say, they are family, not co-workers. To be honest, all of the people in the entertainment company had their strong suits. Sometimes working together really did bring out the best in everyone... even if some people would rather work alone.

"Hm... are you going to go busking then?" Yamaguchi asked.

"Maybe. It's been a while," Tsukishima sighed out.

Busking. The act of preforming in public places, typically music performances. It was the way he got started on his music career. While he attended a school of arts, he would often go busking. A video that was recorded of him and posted onto YouTube gained attention. Soon, entertainment companies threw their business cards at him. He picked _Fly High_ since they were the only company who's main producer personally came for him. He could have gone with _Viper Entertainment_ , considering the fact that it was the biggest one out of all of them, but...

He wasn't ready for that. He couldn't go there. Not if _he_ was going to be there.

"Ah, alright. I'll see you later then Tsukki-"

Yamaguchi slapped his hand over his mouth.

A sudden flash came over Tsukishima's mind. _"Oi, Tsukki!"_ he heard. His hand flew to his head, his eyes widening at the sudden voice that was supposed to be suppressed. His eye twitched as some things came flooding back. No... stay away. He gripped his head, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried his best to keep the seal closed. He knew Yamaguchi meant well....

"Don't," Tsukishima murmured, "I know... it's not your fault, but please... don't call me that."

"I'm sorry.... force of habit," Yamaguchi replied, scanning Tsukishima warily, "But... it's been so long. I thought-... I thought you were off of those. You were doing really well without them, but lately you've returned to those signs. Don't tell me that...?"

Tsukishima sighed as he felt the flood of memories retreating back into his mind. He ruffled his hair slightly, his eyes still shaking from what he had seen in those brief seconds, "Yes. I'm on them. Don't worry though, I don't have to take them frequently as I did before. It's fine..."

Yamaguchi frowned, "Kei. If they're hurting you that much... wouldn't it be better to-"

"No."

The reply was sharp enough for Yamaguchi to flinch. Tsukishima pressed his lips into a thin line when he realized how harshly he replied. Yamaguchi was only trying to help him, he knew that. He's been trying to help him for a long time. Yamaguchi had been tip-toeing around him since there were so many things that just triggered his memories. That nickname, a specific brand, a certain type of guitar...

There were too many things that made his mind go haywire.

Thankfully, he managed to push most of them aside. The only thing that kept recalling memories was that nickname. Progress... but there would be occasions where the old things that he pushed aside brought back those memories.

"It's... not like they're bad memories," Tsukishima sighed, "Why would I erase memories if they've done absolutely nothing wrong?

"Kei... they're taking a toll on your mental health," Yamaguchi expressed, "At your last showcase you had an anxiety attack because the band playing for you had a _Baja_ acoustic guitar... and then you started to cry when you saw a fan with a full sleeve of tattoos at your fan sign. You can't keep living like this. It's too much on you."

Tsukishima shook his head, "That was a while ago. I'm fine now. I don't cry at tattoo sleeves or _Baja_ acoustic guitars anymore,” he reassured, “It was worse before... it’s not that bad now. Really... I’m fine.”

Yamaguchi narrowed his eyes, “Alright... but if you need someone to talk to...”

”I know,” Tsukishima nodded, “Go. You’re going to be late for the photo shoot.”

His friend lingered at the doorway for a moment. Hesitantly, Yamaguchi left, leaving Tsukishima to his own thoughts. He could feel his heart starting to beat faster...

He hadn’t heard that voice in a while. When his memories were recalled, he would see still pictures. The voice was rare... but today was the day it decided to show up.

”Tsukishima?”

Tsukishima looked up at the door once more. He stood up, grabbing his things as he met eyes with an old college friend.

”Akaashi, it’s good to see you.”

The man smiled at him, "I got here late. Sorry... there was a mob on my heels."

"Understandable," Tsukishima acknowledged, "Who wouldn't try to run after the keyboard player, Akaashi Keiji?" he joked, "From the one and only Truly Neon! I have to get your autograph so that I can sell it later on," he ended by waving his hands around, mimicking the movements of those fan girls who chased artists. 

Akaashi chuckled, "The amount of times I heard that."

Truly Neon. The sensational pop band that took Japan and the world by storm. Akaashi wasn't in the original line up for the band. He was supposed to debut as a solo artist, but he ended up joining the band since he was one of the only available trainees who could play the keyboard. The last member of the group. Truly Neon had six members, all playing six instruments: Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime, Kozume Kenma, Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji, and...

Kuroo Tetsurou.

His head started to hurt at the thought of the name.

"How are you holding on?" Akaashi asked, leaning against the door frame.

"It's been better," Tsukishima hummed, "There's not many surges as of lately, but I'm hanging in there."

Akaashi crossed his arms, "Don't over do it with the medication."

"I won't," he reassured, "Promise."

"I trust you," Akaashi continued, his voice starting to lean towards a cautious tone, "You don't want any updates... on him?"

He wasn't going to lie to himself. Tsukishima was rather thankful of Akaashi, who was willing to relay information on someone he couldn't get close to. That and the fact that Akaashi is also willing to put up with his problems. Every once in a while, Tsukishima would ask how the person was doing, giving tips on what to do for certain situations. Tsukishima knew that person like the back of his hand.

Kuroo Tetsurou.

The guy he dated during college.

Tsukishima gave a small nod, "I think I can take it today."

Akaashi looked up at the ceiling, "He's doing better than he was last time. I think he's gotten over what happened during the Seoul concert. Remember? When he broke his guitar strings, yeah... he's gotten over that. As of now he's just.... exhausted."

Figures. Being the leader of a group was definitely taxing. 

"He always said he wanted to be a low profile artist," he sighed, "Fame's probably getting the best of him..."

Akaashi sighed softly, "Tsukishima... don't you think you could face him again? You're going to run into him at some point in life... are you really okay with avoiding him? It's not good for your-"

"Mental health," he repeated, "I know. You know very well that there's no point... he's not going to remember. And you also are aware of your company's dating ban. It was going to happen eventually."

"It doesn't make sense though... you guys were doing perfectly fine. Why-"

"Enough Akaashi," Tsukishima firmly told him, "If I ever have to face him again, I'll see what will happen... but you know that once memories are gone, they're gone. He'll never remember what happened those past years."

"But you do," Akaashi stressed out, "You remember. You can't be the only one who's suffering...."

"It's okay," Tsukishima nodded, "I'm fine with keeping them to myself."

There was a period of heavy silence as Tsukishima went to the closet, grabbing his guitar case and a small folding chair. He looked over to Akaashi, who had a sad look on his face. Tsukishima gestured to the door, "I finished today's shoot. Unless you want to watch me busking, you can go."

Akaashi shook his head, "No. I'll watch," he said as he took the folding chair from Tsukishima, "City park I assume?"

"Same place as always," Tsukishima replied, "There's a wig and cap in the back if you need it."

"Thanks," Akaashi smiled as he went to search for them, "I don't want to ruin anyone's performances."

"It's not your fault."

Fame.

It really did different things to people. 

Tsukishima was never interested in it. He was alright with being a small down low artists, enjoying small fan bases and small crowds. He didn't understand how people could take on those massive crowds, the overwhelming amount of eyes... staring and watching every single thing they did. Back in the school of fine arts, Tsukishima and Kuroo were the ones who didn't care where they ended up... they just wanted to be happy making music.

But people change.

They change so quickly.

He shook his head as he left the entertainment company with Akaashi, who was know disguising himself. Even if Kuroo changed his morals, Tsukishima wouldn't follow that. He wasn't going to strive for fame, he wasn't going to fall to the hands of devil like contracts...

He wasn't going to drop the people he loved for a career.

So it would be best to tuck away those memories. If he kept thinking on them...

Tsukishima may be finding himself going against his morals like Kuroo did.

* * *

"Yellow Mind! It's really you!"

There was a small crowd around his busking spot, happily listening and cheering him on. While he may not show his face in music videos, he still did Instagram lives and posted on Twitter. Any artist would still interact with their fans. Tsukishima waved and softly smiled. His fans called themselves the Night-Lights: fans who comforted each other even in the darkest times. They politely kept their distance from Tsukishima. Some of them requested songs after Tsukishima had finished strumming his guitar.

"Did you guys enjoy _Gummy_?" he asked as he tuned his guitar.

"Yes!" they lightly responded. 

"YM... is there a deeper meaning to the song?" someone asked, "There usually is to all your songs."

Tsukishima looked up, "Hm... I guess it's a way to say we're still human. Even music artists like me still feel, but there are people who just step all over someone's life. They break their minds, which is like biting the head off of a gummy bear. We're all just delicate people."

"Wah! Lyrical genius!" someone shouted.

Tsukishima chuckled, "Don't flatter me. Is there a song anyone would like to hear?"

 _"Memories!"_ everyone shouted. Tsukishima even spotted Akaashi shouting out the song name. His friend was blending into the crowd very well.

"I figured that," Tsukishima responded, "Here we go,"

People clapped as Tsukishima placed his fingers on his guitar. He started to strum away at the chords, people clapping and stomping to the rhythm. _"Memories"_ . The title track of his first mini album. It was one of the songs that was heavily streamed after _Gummy_ was released. He hummed along to the rhythm, taking a deep breath in and out as he started to sing. 

_"It been so long since I've sang our song...Hello, hello, my dear, it's been too many years. How have you been? I always ask the same. With that stupid grin and my eyes filled with your name... I'm hoping and praying that you won't stray, but you answer me the same old way."_

_"Dearest who? We don't have any memories,"_ people sang along, _"Memories are a thing for those who share a heart and soul. Memories? They're the things who make two people one whole... but for me... you can't see any memories."_

Tsukishima strummed along to the song, more people coming up as they were enticed by the tune and rhythm. Tsukishima looked into the crowd, slightly swaying as the people sang along to the sad lyrics.

 _Memories_ was a song he wrote and produced in a single day. It was the same day he met Kuroo... after he found out that Kuroo's memories were erased or altered.

He started to go harder against his guitar as the instrumental break was supposed to be. People clapped and clapped, some recording and taking pictures of the moment. Tsukishima looked around the crowd, meeting eyes with some people.

His heart stopped at he met a pair of familiar eyes.

_No._

_You're not supposed to be here._

His face twitched as the seal was broken, every single memory flooding back into his mind. His head started to pound as that voice rang throughout his head, pictures of them flashing back and forth in his mind. He sang unconsciously as he kept his gaze on him.

Even with a mask and hood, Tsukishima could still recognize those eyes.

Kuroo was clapping along to the song, his head slightly moving to the beat. He wore that old yellow hoodie he always had. The one with the logo of the _Magic School Bus_ in the back. Black ripped jeans... old Nike sneakers... bright eyes.

It was him.

The song ended. Everyone cheered. Tsukishima tore his eyes away from Kuroo, pressing a smile on his face as he waved once more. From the corner of his eye, he could see Akaashi spotting Kuroo, promptly walking to his side and pulling him away from the crowd. Some people came up to him to ask for photos. He complied. Tsukishima would find his eyes wandering away as he looked for the two men...

His head was pounding. 

Tsukishima squeezed his eyes shut, waving goodbye as fans left. He packed up his setup, telling everyone that he would see them in his next showcase. The fans happily left with their photos and autographs.

He left the scene with a terrible headache.

Tsukishima swallowed thickly as he felt his hands starting to shake. 

He was right there.

Kuroo was right there.

He slowly let out a deep breath, his eyes starting to water from how long he held it. It didn't matter. It didn't matter. Those were lost memories. Even if he hoped for it, Kuroo couldn't remember. He just had to endure it. It was hard... to see someone you knew for so long forget you. It was hard, but he had to get through it. If anything, Tsukishima wanted to avoid memory erasure. He hated the fact that he was the only one who remembered, but it didn't matter. He wanted to keep the memories Kuroo lost. Tsukishima was going to keep what he knew. 

There was only one huge downside to keeping lost memories...

Kuroo would never remember or recognize who he was. 


	3. Once In A Lifetime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once In A Lifetime - Track 2  
> From: K, 1st Solo Album - Life
> 
> Have we met before?  
> You feel awfully familiar  
> Why am I starting to crave for something more?  
> Something is peculiar...  
> I’ve never met you, but you make me feel fine...  
> So why do I feel like, we met once in a lifetime?

Kuroo had just been wandering around the streets of Tokyo, looking for a decent place to eat before going back to the apartment. No one had recognized him with the hood on, thank goodness. He moved with the crowd, sometimes pulling away from the wave of people to look at restaurant signs. He could always get street food or an instant meal from the convenience store.... ah screw it. Another cheat day wouldn't hurt him. He steered toward the nearest convenience store. A group of teens were coming out, so he held the door open for them. 

"YM is playing over there!" one of the girls mentioned, "We have to go see him."

"YM? Oh! Yellow Mind," a boy clapped, "Hell yeah! This is the first time I'll see him in person."

"You've never seen him?" the girl gasped, "He's always busking around here. Even if he's rising in popularity, he still stays to his roots. If only more people could be like him."

The teens bustled away, quickly going towards the small city park. Kuroo watched as more people started to walk towards that direction. Yellow Mind? Was that one of those YouTube or Instagram singers? He's never heard of that singer before...

His meal could wait. Kuroo walked away from the convenience store, pulling his mask up to his face once more. He walked over to the park, the familiar sound of someone plucking away at a guitar getting louder. There was a relatively large group, but they kept space between the performer. People were singing and swaying along to the song. Kuroo got a little closer, enough to see who was playing.

It was a blond haired man, maybe around his age. He wore a bright lime green hoodie, light-washed jeans, and black sneakers. The man's foot lightly tapped on the ground as he sang to the song, a slight smile on his face as he looked up. Kuroo started to find himself clapping along to the rhythm, his head bopping along. 

_"Dearest who? We don't have any memories. Memories are a thing for those who share a heart and soul. Memories? They're the things who make two people one whole... but for me...you can't see any memories,"_ the man sang, the crowd joining in with him. Kuroo hummed along to it. He always tried to find new artists and inspirations. It had a nice ring to it. 

It was good. It was really good. 

Kuroo's eyes slightly widened as the man made eye contact with him. Golden eyes behind those black frames. They stared at him intensely, the smile on his face slightly wavering. The blond played, his fingers moving faster along the neck of his guitar. Kuroo shifted on his feet awkwardly. Those golden eyes kept their gaze on him, only moving away until the song ended.

There was a strained smile on the blond's face. 

Kuroo was suddenly pulled away from the crowd. It was a person with long black hair. He was dragged away by the wrist... by some girl? Oh no... did he let his guard down too early?

"Excuse me?" he asked as the got further and further away from the park, "Can you... please let go?"

The girl dropped his wrist. She whipped around, taking off her cap. She crossed her arms angrily, looking back at Kuroo.

"What were you thinking?" 

"Akaashi?"

Akaashi lifted the wig a little, "Yes, it's me," he sighed as he fixed his hair, only to put the cap back on. Akaashi glared at him, "You're only wearing a hood and mask. What if someone recognized you? You could have taken away the attention from the performer..."

Oh.

Is that why the blond looked at him like that?

"Ah... I didn't think of that," Kuroo murmured, looking back towards the park, "But you were there too!"

"Did you recognized me though?" Akaashi smirked.

"No..."

"Exactly," Akaashi waved his finger, "Besides... that was the friend I went to visit. He expected me to be there, but he didn't expect the leader of Truly Neon to appear."

"Wait, wait," Kuroo held up his hands, "You know him?"

Akaashi hesitated for a moment, "Yes. I met him during my college years."

Kuroo crossed his arms, "How come you never told me about him? He has good rhythm, good lyrics... you know that's what I look for when I'm looking for inspiration. Not to mention... I've never seen you hang out with him on our days off."

"That's because he has work too," Akaashi continued, "He's busier than you think. Now... if you're done prying on my life outside of the band, you want to go grab a bento box?"

He pressed his lips into a thin line. Akaashi had always been a little closed off when it came to his closer friends, and reasonably so. Most artists had to keep their close circles in secret, especially those who were outside of the industry. It was done for the safety and privacy of their friends. Even so, it was strange... he had never seen Akaashi be so defensive for someone. He had introduced his other friends to the band members... except for the blond. It also seemed like the blond was in the industry...

Kuroo shrugged it off. Akaashi was right either way... he shouldn't be prying into someone else's life.

"Sure... last one there has to buy the other members lunch!" Kuroo grinned as he ran towards the convenience store.

"Wha- oh my god! Kuroo, you pain in the ass!" Akaashi grumbled as he ran behind him.

Kuroo laughed. He weaved through the crowds to get to the store. Kuroo turned around, sticking his tongue out at Akaashi. His friend flipped him off, shaking his head with a slight smile on his face. They went in, Akaashi going straight to collect the bento boxes. Kuroo looked around, grabbing a few drinks and other snacks. He glanced out the window, watching as people passed by.

The blond passed by, his guitar case hanging over his back. Kuroo furrowed his eyebrows. He seemed very unsettled...

Maybe he shouldn't have stopped by to watch.

But...

Yellow Mind, was it?

He seemed like an interesting artist.

* * *

"Lunch time!"

Kuroo slipped off his shoes, putting them to the side as he entered his apartment. Well- technically it wasn't his. The band members lived in the same apartment building. It wasn’t the dorm rooms that the trainees stayed in, but they still liked to stay close to each other. He shared the apartment with Kenma, who was sitting on the couch, playing Mario Cart against Bokuto.

”Hm? Where’s Oikawa and Iwaizumi?” Akaashi asked, “We agreed to lunch here yesterday...”

”Ah! They went on a date... ya know, since we don’t have anything else in our schedules,” Bokuto chimed in, “They said they’ll treat us to dinner next time though.”

Oikawa was one of the only artists that was exempted from the dating ban. He refuses to join the company unless they agreed to accepting Iwaizumi. They were now the public’s favorite band couple. 

A smile formed on Kenma’s face as he released a blue shell, “Pay attention.”

Bokuto screeched as he watched Princess Peach get blown up by the blue shell, “Curse you Kenma!”

Bokuto and Kenma were also close friends of his. Kuroo has known Kenma since they were kids, while he met Bokuto in his high school years. They all aspired to go down the music road, and now they were all together in a band. Kenma specialized with the synthesizer. Bokuto would go all out on the drums. Each band member had a special role. With one of them missing, Truly Neón wouldn’t be complete. 

”Put the games down and eat,” Kuroo told them, “You can play later on.”

The two groaned as the race ended. They paused the game and headed to the kitchen table, pulling out their chairs to sit. Kuroo stored away the two extra bento boxes for later. Everyone picked out their drinks and lunches, quietly unwrapping and eating away at their items.

”You two took a little longer,” Bokuto said through a mouth full of food, “What were you doing?”

”Bokuto, don’t talk with your mouth full,” Akaashi murmured. Bokuto sheepishly smiled as he cleaned himself up.

”We were just watching a busker. Yellow Mind,” Kuroo responded.

Kenma and Bokuto looked up at him, “YM?”

Kuroo nodded, “Have you guys heard of him?”

Kenma and Bokuto exchanges glances with Akaashi. Kuroo lifted his eyebrow up, “Don’t tell me that you guys are friends with him too?”

”Well...”

”Am I the only one who doesn’t know him?” Kuroo asked, a little surprised, “How well-known is he?”

“We all went to the same college,” Kenma carefully said, picking at his rice.

”I went to the same college though...I don’t remember him,” Kuroo muttered to himself.

”That’s probably because he double majored,” Akaashi piped in, “Music and art. We didn’t seem him as much either in school, but I just happened to be in the same music theory class as him.”

”Huh... I should have seen him at least once though,” Kuroo tried to reason.

”There are a lot of blond glasses wearing people out there,” Bokuto pointed out, “Anyways, that’s how we know YM. Maybe you could meet him someday.”

The last sentence was stretched out, as if Bokuto didn’t mean to say it. The three of the returned to eating quietly. Kuroo pushed away the conversation. College was a busy time. They were always running around to finish deadlines. Must have been hard on someone who double majored though. It made sense why he didn’t see that guy. 

Kuroo finished first, so he excused himself from the table. He made a beeline for his room... he was in dire need of a nap. He was probably going to work on songs later in the day.

As he opened the door to his room, something came at his feet. Kuroo smiled down at the little black cat that rubbed against his feet, “Midnight,” he greeted, “So this is where you were?”

The cat meowed in return. Kenma had gifted her as a gift for his birthday a while ago. She bounced back up on the bed, laying down right on his pillow. Kuroo sat on the edge of his bed, pulling out his phone. He scrounged around for his headphones, finding them under the bed. Kuroo connected the Bluetooth headphones to his phone, opening up YouTube. It wouldn’t hurt to watch some videos before sleeping...

”Huh?” he mumbled to himself, “What’s this?”

 _What goes on in a lyrical genius’s brain? Exclusive Interview with YELLOW MIND!_ was the title of the first video that popped up in his feed. It was released today... must have been recorded before hand. He knew he said he wouldn’t prod on in his members friend circles, but...

Who was he?

Kuroo pressed on the video, watching as an interviewer smiled at the blond.

”We’re here today with Yellow Mind, the upcoming artist of this year! Tell us if you would, how does it feel to get such massive response to your newest single?”

”Ah... is was only released the other day, but it’s skyrocketed much more than I expected,” he calmly explained, “I’m not one to seek attention, but I appreciate the support that I have.”

Oh! It was an replay of a live interview.

”Now that you are gaining much more attention, do you think other artists will start coming up to you for collaborations?”

Ugh. They always asked that question so many times.

The blond crosses his legs, “Hm... I personally don’t mind if anyone comes up to me or not. Even if it could earn me more representation, I just want to make music that other people will find comfort in.”

That’s a nice point of view.

When did he lose that thought? 

Kuroo ended up looking through more videos on him. He ran across some music videos, watching and listening to the colors that YM had.

Soft. Both warm and cool colors. Sometimes the doings would be filled with anguish.... why hasn’t he heard of anything from him? 

It wasn’t like anything else he listened to. Although it was his first time listening to this artist, the music had enveloped him. A warm blanket a music surrounded him on all sides. It felt so...

Familiar.

It was almost like he was experiencing something from his earlier music days, but it also felt so distant and odd. Yet... he could relate to a lot of the lyrics as well.

The feeling of being lost. The sound of yearning for something...

It was all familiar. Even if they weren’t singing about the same things, he immediately connected with the songs. 

Did he really not meet this person before? 

Kuroo went to Google, typing in the name of the artist. He tapped on the first link that popped up.

”Fly High Entertainment,” he read, “Yellow Mind, also known as...”

The name rolled right off of his tongue. 

”Tsukishima Kei,” he murmured, “No... that name doesn’t ring a bell.”

Tsukishima Kei, huh? 

He knew he said he wouldn’t invade on the lives of others, but this was different. It would benefit the band itself, and it would give the artist an opportunity. He did say in the interview that he didn’t mind about possible collaborations. It’s not like he was going to storm into that man’s life for no reason either. Work related. 

This was the most inspired he’s been in a while. Kuroo could already feel the arrangements flooding in. 

Kuroo dialed a number on his phone. Hopefully Akaashi wouldn’t get pissed off at him for this. They did say they would introduce him at some point...

He was just taking a few steps ahead of that introduction. He had to meet someone with that familiar taste and style in sounds...

”Hey... do you think you could set up an appointment with _Fly High Entertainment_ any time soon?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)


	4. FYI, I Hate Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for your information, i hate confrontation - Track 2 (B-side)  
> From: YELLOW MIND, 2nd Mini Album - what goes on in our minds?
> 
> For your information, I hate confrontation  
> I can't stand those lies because a love that dies  
> It's sad, I know, my puzzle like mind convincing me that it's a crime  
> To face past problems, to say something about hitting rock-bottom  
> I can't face you, you aren't who I once knew  
> So for your information...  
> I hate confrontation.

"Woah! It's already at seven million... and it's only been a few hours!"

It's been a week and a half. All editors and producers were in to finish the music video as fast as possible. Surprisingly, Tsukishima had done very well with shooting, so the only edits to do were cuts and some green screen effects. The final product looked pretty good. Simplistic and sharp, just how any music video of his should be. Yamaguchi and Hinata were re-watching the video over and over again. At this rate, they would be the ones to produce another thousand views.

"It's good, but it's not that special," Tsukishima muttered as he looked over their shoulders, "Why are you guys streaming it so much?"

"First of all, this was just finished a while ago,” Hinata listed off, “Then your video goes up in views, your song is number ONE on the charts, and... this is the first video where your face isn’t as sour as it is now!”

Tsukishima glared at Hinata. The hot headed singer snapped his fingers, “There it is! Sour!”

Yamaguchi chuckled, “It really is entertaining seeing you act like this though,” he said as he mimicked the part where Tsukishima bit the chain necklace.

He rolled his eyes, “Oh come on, it’s not that extraordinary. Leave the video be, we still have schedules.”

Hinata suddenly gasped, “I’m supposed to be getting ready for an interview!”

Yamaguchi gasped along with him, “And I’m the one who’s supposed to be helping you get ready!”

The two scurried around, collecting their things in panic as they rushed off to their first event in a long schedule. Hinata was in a duo with Kageyama. Orange Blueberry, that was their name and by far the best known singers to come out of _Fly High Entertainment_. They were preparing to go on a small tour around Japan, so many interviewers and reality shows snatched them up to ask questions about their future plans and projects. 

Tsukishima rarely took interviews. He had only grabbed a few because their main producer insisted. Exposure. That’s what drove the career of an artist. Tsukishima had enough exposure with busking though, so he really didn’t see the point of interviews. Nevertheless, if he didn’t take interviews, he would just hear constant nagging from all of the senior artists and directors.

They had high expectations for him. Most of the songs he had were only half of what he could actually do. Everyone in the company was trying to coax him into releasing the songs that were tucked away. Maybe if Tsukishima hadn’t shown them those songs, the expectations would be lower. He was satisfied with being at a steady and secure level. Tsukishima wouldn’t mind going higher, but he would prefer to stay in between “well-known” and “small artist”.

He turned off the computer that they were watching the music video in. Tsukishima left the technology room, stepping into the hallways of the company. Workers waved at him and he returned the gesture. He was going straight for his studio. Tsukishima climbed up a flight of stairs, arriving on the second floor. It was quiet. Every studio was sound proof, but he could still see the busybodies of the musicians. They all hunched over their keyboards, computers, and equipment as they tackled arrangements. Tsukishima’s studio was at the very end of the hallway, right by the windows. 

He arrived at the door of his studio, which he called “The Thought Bubble”. Everyone named their studio something related to them or their stage name. “Mind” is close enough to “thoughts”, so he just slapped that name on his studio door. As he was about to open the door, his phone started to ring. Tsukishima took his phone out of his pocket, immediately answering the call.

”Yes, producer?”

”Come up to the office, someone wants to talk to you,” Ukai spoke into the phone, “I’ll see you then, Tsukishima.”

Tsukishima hung up. Someone wanted to talk to him? 

Ah. It was probably another interviewer or show caster. Looks like he’ll have to go through the same old rejection conversation... unless Ukai made him take it. 

This time, Tsukishima took the elevator up. There were too many flights of stairs to get to the main producer’s office. As he headed for the main office, his phone buzzed once more. A text message. He checked his phone quickly.

_From: Akaashi_

_Please don’t be alarmed when someone asks you to talk.  
_

He furrowed his eyebrows. Alarmed? Why would he be alarmed? It was probably some show director....

Tsukishima put his phone away. He knocked on the door, hearing a soft response from Ukai. He opened the door, looking up at the company’s main producer. Ukai was behind the desk, wearing a casual leather jacket and black shirt. There was someone sitting across from him. A guy. The hair... 

Spiked black hair. 

Haha... no. There were plenty of people out there with spiked black hair. 

The man slowly turned around, locking eyes with Tsukishima. A slight grin appeared on his face, as if it was some welcome for Tsukishima.

No.

Not yet. 

He still wasn’t over it... he couldn’t be facing him now. 

Tsukishima felt his mind pound against his skull. He took a slight step back, his eyes shaking as he looked into those whiskey eyes.

”Shit,” he muttered out loud, "Can you... hold on for a second?"

Kuroo's face contoured into concern as Tsukishima backed out of the door frame, closing the door as he left. He made his way to the chairs that were outside of the office. No one else was there. He sat down in the chair, lifting his glasses to rub his eyes. They stung the more he touched them. His leg bounced up and down as he tried to calm himself down. Deep breaths.... deep breaths. It wasn't working. He could feel his chest tightening. This wasn't the time to-

"Are you okay?"

Tsukishima's hands flinched against his face as he heard that voice again. He lifted his head up, his eyes traveling up Kuroo's face until he found his eyes.

Ah.

It reminded him of the first time he met him.

* * *

_Tsukishima was sitting outside the music room, his lyric book in hand. One of his classes had asked for a rough performance and art cover for a song.... to be shown in front of entertainment companies. Tsukishima had worked his hardest on this project. He painted an original art cover, he recorded an original song, he made everything from scratch. It would have made a great opportunity for him to get some offers._

_There was one mistake he made though._

_He had his work saved in one of the shared music studios. Tsukishima could have sworn that he had his files under a locked folder, but someone in his class broke into them. If he wasn't assigned to go the next day, he wouldn't have performed anything earlier.... but he still watched someone perform and present all of his hard work. Tsukishima tried to confront the teacher about it, but the student who took his work was someone who got in through recommendations. Why would they believe someone like him?_

_So there he was, sitting outside the music studio. He was going to go back in to produce something... but he couldn't think of anything. Everything written down on his notebook wasn't enough..._

_"Are you okay?"_

_He looked up at the voice. Tsukishima didn't remember seeing anyone like that in his class. It was a man, dark hair that stuck up in all directions. His eyes were questioning Tsukishima, looking back and forth from Tsukishima's face to his notebook. Brownish-golden eyes... his brows furrowed as he sat next to Tsukishima. The man had a guitar case on his back, which he lowered before he sat, and a few notebooks in his hands._

_Tsukishima narrowed his eyes, "Why do you care? I don't even know who you are."_

_"Hey, that's no way to speak to an upperclassman," the guy smirked, "It's not everyday you see someone so sad outside the happiest place in this school."_

_He rolled his eyes, "Happiest? Ha!"_

_"Ha?" the guy repeated, "That's not how a music major would react."_

_Tsukishima crossed his arms, "For your information, I major in two things."_

_"Oh yeah? What else?"_

_"Art- wait, why am I telling you this?"_

_The man chuckled, "See? If you're talking this much to a stranger, it must mean that something's on your mind. Talk to me. I've got time."_

_Tsukishima stayed silent._

_"Is this about the performances? I heard someone had made everything from scratch. He was the only one so far who didn't rearrange a song that already existed. I heard that many of the companies were impressed too," Kuroo continued._

_Tsukishima's nose scrunched up._

_"Bingo. It was the performances."_

_He sighed, "It wasn't his performance," he grumbled as flipped open his notebook, "It was mine."_

_Tsukishima hastily showed the man the lyrics where the song was written. He had the date and arrangements pasted within the notebook sheets. The guy stared at it, humming as he read the lyrics and notes he had scrawled in. He looked back up at Tsukishima, a frown on his face._

_"Why didn't you tell anyone then?" he said, his voice laced with anger, "I've been through this before too.... it's not okay for someone to steal another's work. You have to go and try to-!"_

_"For your information, I did. I did confront the teacher," he grumbled, "But guess what? The student who took my work is the better one compared to me. Even if teachers try not to show favoritism, they clearly show who is higher up in the line. If I tried again, they wouldn't even bat an eyelash towards it."_

_"For your information," the guy repeated, "For your information..."_

_He pulled out a pen that was stuck in one of his notebooks. The man flipped to a blank page in Tsukishima's notebook, scrawling down something, "So then make something better. I heard a snippet of the song when I passed by... I bet you could do better."_

_The man handed the notebook over. Tsukishima stared at neat writing. "For your information, I hate confrontation"...._

_"Start with that," the man suggested, "You could probably make something impacting with that. It can talk about... lies, betrayal, or maybe even something else. If you need help with anything, I always come to this studio after classes end. And if I'm not here, you can just ask for Kuroo in the library. I work part-time there. "_

_He got up, grabbing his guitar case and swinging it over his shoulder, "I'll look forward to your performance..."_

_Kuroo peered at the student ID he was wearing, "Tsukishima.... I"ll look forward to your performance."_

_He waved as he walked off towards the direction of the library. Tsukishima watch as he disappeared into the halls. Not that many people came up to him since he always wore a cold face... huh. He would have expected for that guy to walk right past him._

_"For your information, I hate confrontation," he muttered to himself, "I hate those damn lies, and no matter how hard I try..."_

_Tsukishima started to scribble down lyrics as they flowed into his head. Within a few minutes, he had the whole song written down. As for the cover of the single... he could make a small collage out of ripped music sheets. It would symbolize stolen work. Then for the arrangements... guitar? Maybe some lo-fi synths mixed in instead of the basic piano..._

_This was... going surprisingly well._

_He'd have to give that guy a thanks at some point._

* * *

_"for your information, i hate confrontation."_ actually made it on to one of his albums. The only difference was that he changed the lyrics. From the original song being about treated unfairly, the version he released was about re-encountering a person who was important... only to find out that they're a completely different person.

Those eyes were still the same though. Sharp at the edges, soft on the inside, and caring all around.

"Hm? Are you okay?" Kuroo repeated, looking at Tsukishima with concern, "You look pretty shaken up-"

"Whatever it is you are here for, I'm not interested," Tsukishima bluntly replied.

Kuroo's eyelids flinched, "I didn't even say anything yet... I can come back at a time that is better for you-"

"No, let's go in. I'll tell you why I'm not interested," Tsukishima huffed as he got up, turning sharply back into the main producer's office. He went straight to sit down on one of the chairs in front of Ukai, crossing his arms as he waited for Kuroo to come in. Soon, Kuroo sat down clasping his hands as he faced the desk. 

Ukai cleared his throat, "I'm sure you've heard about the flood of collaborations that came in for you, YM. Here's another one of them, and I believe that it's a great opportunity. It's not everyday that someone from _Viper Entertainment_ personally comes to ask for a collaboration."

Kuroo spoke up, "I'm Kuroo Tetsurou, Truly Neon's-"

"Leader and lead guitarist. Who isn't aware of that?" Tsukishima scoffed, "I'm not interested."

"Tsukishima... at least consider it before rejecting it," Ukai reasoned.

"I will," Tsukishima sighed as he turned to look towards Kuroo, "Opportunities... I'm not one to turn them down. However, I'm building up a steady ground with what I have. I don't want my name to be boosted simply because I collaborated with a popular artist. If I'm going to take any opportunities, it's not going to be related with _Viper Entertainment_. 

Kuroo raised an eyebrow, "That's... respectable. It's not like that kind of collaboration though. I'm intrigued by your producing style. I'm sure that our band can provide a great arrangement of vocals for it. I'm still respecting your desire to stay on the down low... but more people have to know about your sound, don't they? We'll give credit for your producing."

Respecting?

Says the one who ditched the words he repeated all the time.

"If you respected me and my production," Tsukishima started, "Then you wouldn't pry on my decisions."

Kuroo sighed, but a smile appeared on his face, "Want to make a deal?"

Tsukishima narrowed his eyes. Kuroo would always challenge other students during college, but it was mostly when he sensed that there was something off. Sometimes he didn't know when to give up... he would pester and bother the person, determined to help them see the better things in life. Eventually, his challenges had formed friendships and had actually helped the person. It was just his way of encouragement.

Stupidly charming.

"No-"

Kuroo held up his finger, "One week. Give me one week to convince you to produce a full song for Truly Neon."

"I said-"

"Five days."

"Wait-"

"Three."

Tsukishima held up his hands, "Okay. Three days. No more or no less."

Why did he say that? Panic? It was probably out of panic. No. He was more collected than this. It was probably because Kuroo kept lowering the days he proposed to convince him. If he went any lower than three, it would definitely be a strain on him. The guide for a song and recording vocals took longer than writing the lyrics and arrangements, so if Kuroo tried to make a guide within three days, he would stress himself out. Kuroo typically took five days to a whole week to make a guide and-

Oh.

_Oh._

He was still caring about Kuroo's health.

Ha.

Tsukishima stuck his hand out, "Deal?"

Kuroo grinned, "Deal."

Ukai and Kuroo discussed a few things with Tsukishima before they ended the short meeting. Tsukishima would make a rough musical arrangement while Truly Neon would record a demo of it. Kuroo left first, waving goodbye and thanking _Fly High Entertainment_ for the opportunity. Tsukishima soon left the office too, making a beeline right for his studio. Tsukishma slammed the door behind him, collapsing into the chair in front of his monitor and equipment setup. 

He stared down at his keyboard, dragging his fingers against the keys. 

Produce a song for him...

Like the old days.

Even when he tried to avoid confronting or even seeing Kuroo, he somehow appeared in his life again. The pounding sensation in his head had allowed a memory to slip back in. It was vivid. It felt like he was reliving that first encounter again...

The only difference was that it wasn't their first encounter this time. Kuroo would see it as their first, but it wasn't.

Tsukishima had still remembered all those small details. How long has it been? Three? Four? Five.. years? He didn't remember exactly when, but it was a really long time ago. He still remembered though. A guitar case containing a _Baja_ acoustic, with the Nirvana lyrics _"rather be dead than cool”_ etched on the side. He had three notebooks with him: a purple one for lyrics, a red one for rough sketches of album covers, and a black one for other things. He was wearing a pink shirt that day....

A tattoo sleeve covered his left arm. Ever since he joined the music industry, Kuroo had been covering his sleeve with makeup and long-sleeves. There were only a few pictures of Kuroo with his sleeve exposed.

He remembered everything too vividly. Perhaps it was a side effect of the pills...

Tsukishima hated that.

Why couldn't he just forget? Why didn't he want to forget?!

"He can't remember," Tsukishima muttered to himself, "He can't remember! Get that through your thick skull!" he told himself as he banged his curled fist against his head. He sighed softly.

He didn't realize that his heart was beating fast until he felt it slow down.

"Look at you... you're still excited to see him," he murmured.

He re-wrote _"for your information, i hate confrontation"_ to have another meaning for him. 

It was his fears. 

He knew this would happen. The day that he had to face Kuroo again to eye level...

Everything would flow back. He would just relive everything on his own all over again. Alone.

Tsukishima tried to reject the offer, but in the end he accepted it. He knew this would happen. Tsukishima's mind was strong... but sometimes it would turn into mush. What he once thought was finally a completed and fixed puzzle, his mind scrambled once everything came back. He only accepted it because his mind turned into a jumble...

He wanted to be with Kuroo again.

He _missed_ him.

"What are you thinking?" he softly asked himself, "Rebuild? Really?"

He wanted the old days to be exact. 

Tsukishima shook his head as he turned on his equipment. He played across the keyboard, he tested his mic, he opened up his software programs... done. Everything was set. He opened up something that he hadn't seen in a while.

College tracks.

Tsukishima went through all of them, swaying to the nostalgic tunes. He sighed deeply as he made some adjustments to the old songs. His fingers danced across chords and keys, listening deeply to the sounds that blended together. 

At one point, they clashed in a particular song.

_"Alone together"_

A song they both worked on together.

"So much for the together part," he muttered as he clicked to rename the song.

He wanted to do something. He really did. Unfortunately for Tsukishima, there was no reversion of memories. The mind was a complex thing. He simply couldn't enter and turn everything back. So he would just be fine with being business partners. Right. It would help him a little. It's not like he would be directly involved in the ear-catching part either. Besides, Akaashi had been wanting to do a song with him too. He shouldn't shove that aside just because of a thing on the past.

He deleted the title of the song.

Tsukishima should just be satisfied for the time being. He'd still get to see Kuroo for a while. Maybe that will help him check into reality. Tsukishima had to get his delusions out of his mind. He should be satisfied being...

_"Alone" ._


	5. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alone - demo version  
> From- The archives of YELLOW MIND and for Truly Neon
> 
> Alone together... so much for forever  
> It might be for the best for you to leave this warm nest  
> Which we called love, but it must have been something you were sick of  
> Did I do something wrong? Was I not emotionally strong?  
> This hurts to the bone... I hate being alone.

Kuroo drummed his fingers, his eyes closed as he envisioned the song. Hm... rain? It felt like he could be watching the rain while listening to this. Yeah... watching the rain after a bad breakup. Dark room, and the song is playing on a record player. Knees pulled up to the chest... soft crying. Like the rain, the song felt like someone clinging onto something or another person.

” _Alone_ ,?” he murmured as he kept listening to the instrumental, “It’s a nice change from what we usually do.” 

Kuroo opened his eyes to look up at the chorus that Tsukishima had provided. It looks like he was going to let them do the rest of the song. Kuroo tilted his head as he read the lyrics...

"That's funny... this is like the opposite of _Alone Together_ ," Kuroo noted as he pulled out his phone.

 _Alone Together_ was a college project. He had produced it on his own. He couldn't put his finger on exactly why he wrote it... but it was probably because he felt lonely. Everyone else he knew had a partner at that time. 

" _Alone together... yes it's forever. It's for the best for me and you to rest, in this cavern which we call love... nothing else will go above. I'll be there for you, you'll be there for me. In this home, I'll never leave since I know you hate to be alone_ ," he read out loud. Wow. The songs were complete polar opposites. What a coincidence. They didn't have any classes together though... 

Great minds think alike.

"Ugh," he grumbled as he pressed his hand against his head, "Speaking of great minds... I should take an Advil."

His head was starting to hurt. Kuroo had been staring at the screen all day. He rubbed his eyes as he got up from his chair, heading for the break room. Hopefully they didn't run out this time. There were so many workers and producers who take the pain relief medicine since they work all around the clock. Kuroo went all the way to the bottom floor, heading for the huge break room. He waved at a few people as he went for the the medicine cabinet.

"Yo! Kuroo!"

Kuroo turned around to spot Iwaizumi. Their bassist walked towards him, a cup of coffee in hand, “How’s that collaboration going?” Iwaizumi asked.

”I’ve received the basics and I already have some ideas for the rest,” Kuroo explained, “I’ll gather you guys up once I’m done. I just need to do a guide line for it.”

Iwaizumi took a sip of his coffee, “Isn’t this going to be the first song where we don’t play instruments?”

Kuroo shook his head, “If anything, me or Oikawa won’t be playing the usual. We’ll switch to acoustic. It’s already recorded onto the rough draft, but it’s still playable if we do it live.”

Kuroo reaches up to the cabinet, grabbing the Advil bottle and shaking out two pills. He reached over for some water bottles that were under the cabinet. Kuroo popped the pills in, later taking a swig of water to push it down.

”This is with YM, right?” Iwaizumi continued as he leaned against the counter.

Kuroo nodded, “Do you know him too?”

Iwaizumi shook his head, “Akaashi is good friends with him though. Yellow Mind... I heard of his music. It’s unique.”

”That’s why I wanted to collaborate. You know how I am when it comes to something new in music,” Kuroo smiled.

”His music though... it sounds like he was broken,” Iwaizumi sighed, “True emotions being broken. It’s like when you produce... the only difference is that you haven’t been through that.”

Kuroo shrugged, “I’ve seen enough people around here get hurt... maybe I write music that way because I sympathize too much.” 

”Damn. This place probably is where someone hurting happens the most. Our company is really strict,” he continued as he placed his cup of coffee down, “The only reason I can stay with Oikawa is because we’re “a publicity stunt”,” he sarcastically grunted.

”That’s _Silver Lining_ in a nutshell,” Kuroo sighed, “I wonder how Kita can handle that... his members are always being followed by paparazzi.“

Silver Lining was another group under _Viper Entertainment._ A boy group. They weren't like Truly Neon, who focused solely on their music. Silver Lining was best known for their dancing. Eye-catching performances that pleased the eyes: Silver Lining. They were also known for being another group of artists being exempted from the dating ban. One of the directors wanted to give them a bad boy or playboy image... but it was doing more damage to the group than benefit. Yet, that was the aspect that kept them on articles and gave them more attention.

Cruel.

Iwaizumi stretched his arms out, “If he’s anything like me, he’d flip them off and make fun of them. Ugh... I swear that I’ll grow a hatred for cameras someday.”

Kuroo chuckled, “At some point, maybe. Anyway... I’ll get back to work. See you later.”

He waved goodbye to Iwaizumi as he headed back up to his studio. Kuroo lightly shook his head as he felt drowsiness come from the medicine. He opened the door to his studio, immediately searching for his lyric book. Once he found it, he scrawled down the rest of sections of the song. Done. Now he just needed to make a guide to go along with the instrumental. Kuroo placed the headphones over his ears once more as he listened to the song.

"Soft," he noted as he wrote something down, "If it's like a fresh wave of sadness... agony can be built up later on. Good. That's good."

Kuroo connect his mic, looking up at the arrangement on screen. He adjusted his headphones once more. Kuroo warmed up his voice before he actually started to sing. One, two, one, two. Alright. Ready to go.

 _"The outside world, there's nothing much to see. My fingers are curled, around the place that I would rather be. My home is empty, it's lonely and cold. It's currently nine-twenty, you said you'd be here... that's what I was told,"_ he sang into the mic.

 _"You left me to watch the rain... huh, it wasn't expected. I'll let it wash away my pain, but what about those words you had projected? You said it would just be us... alone together...Together?_ " he continued, soon moving into the chorus. 

Kuroo's head started to pound as he finished the guide. He listened to his first run, going back to make some changes in some parts. He re-recorded over and over again. It was getting late... hopefully his team members were still in the building. 

"Done!" he sighed out, "Rough, but it's done."

He let out a yawn as he listened to his guide once more. It would be cleaned up once he got the others in on it. Kuroo slipped off his headphones, placing them on their holder. He leaned back in his chair, looking up at the clock above his equipment.

It was already 11 p.m.

Kuroo could still hear some scuffling from the floor above him and from outside. People were still here. He pulled out his phone, opening up to the band group chat. Kuroo shot out a quick text to ask if anyone was still in the building. Everyone responded differently, but those who were at home were willing to come back. Kuroo asked for them to come and revise the guide as soon as possible.

He rubbed his eyes as he spun around in his chair. If this song was enough to encourage Tsukishima to fully produce a song for them, that would be great. It was a little strange though... it was very similar to _Alone Together_. 

Kuroo closed his eyes for a moment. Even though he took an Advil, his head was still hurting. He had time for a quick power nap. Maybe if he slept it off, it would go away. He spun lightly around in his chair, letting himself fall away from the studio for a moment.

* * *

_"Hey, can you check this out for me?"_

_He was back in college, in the same old studio. Studio number three. Kuroo was fidgeting away at turn knobs, changing the loudness and softness of ad-libs that he added in. When he tilted his head up to look at the monitor, that song was on the screen._

_"Alone together"_

_There was a muffled voice, "Really? If anything, some humming could be added into this song. I don't think a spontaneous "yeah" would sway anyone with this kind of tone."_

_Kuroo pouted, "Can't I contribute?"_

_"You've done enough with half of the work," the voice sighed, "I'll do the rest."_

_"We're supposed to be working on this all the way," Kuroo retorted._

_A blurred hand came into view as the person reached over to lower a slider, "Technically, we're not supposed to be working together. They'll think I'm cheating because I'm with someone slightly more experienced.... we can work together, but they recommended not to."_

_"It's not going to be like last time, don't sweat it," Kuroo reassured as he looked up at the monitor, "You've got a bunch of talent. I'm sure they'll recognize it."_

_"Very comforting."_

_"I'm serious! If we ever make it in the industry, you'd be the first person I'd want to collaborate with."_

_"Hmm... how much?"_

_"Oh my god, you stingy bastard!"_

_Kuroo laughed as he returned to the monitors. He heard a light chuckle from the other person. Kuroo could practically hear the smirk on that person's face as well. There was the soft sounds of humming and light music in the background._

_It was very calm that day._

* * *

Kuroo slowly opened his eyes. 

"What?" he muttered to himself as he sat up in his chair, "I... I worked on that song alone. Who?"

Oh!

Wasn’t that around the time he made friends with Akaashi? Right. Maybe Akaashi asked him for help. That explains most of the things in that weird flashback. Akaashi was a year younger than him, so that made up for the "cheating" part. Akaashi could be a little cold too, so the remarks also made sense. But...

Why would he even write a song like that with Akaashi?

Oh. Right!

That was also around the time Akaashi developed a crush on Bokuto. Yeah. That made sense. Kuroo must have been playing wing man for the two of them. Then again, it was also a good excuse to make a song that expressed his loneliness. Kuroo always kept a copy of everything he produced or helped on. This time, Kuroo must have given the song to Akaashi and then Akaashi gave the song to Tsukishima. Huh... he didn't keep the song. Oh well. maybe Akaashi had a reason to give it to Tsukishima. It was his song after all, so Kuroo had no option to interfere. 

There. Mystery solved. 

Kuroo turned around as he heard the door open. The members came in one at a time, sitting themselves down on the couch or some chairs that were around. Kuroo unplugged his headphones, checking to see if the sound system was now on.

"You guys ready?"

Everyone nodded.

"Presenting, the demo version of _"Alone"_ and what can possibly be produced for us by Yellow Mind!" Kuroo enthusiastically said as he pressed play on his guide. Everyone leaned in as the song started to play. Oikawa had his hand on his chin, narrowing his eyes at some sounds. Most of the other ones had their arms crossed and eyes closed, deeply taking everything in.

Akaashi had his head tilted up, his eyes widening slightly... as if he recognized the song.

"This is," he slightly muttered.

Kuroo raised an eyebrow, "Do you... know it?"

An unexpected quiver in Akaashi's voice came out, "Oh Tsukishima.... why this one out of all of them?"

The song ended. Everyone turned to look at Akaashi.

”Kaashi?!” Bokuto yelped as he reached out towards him, “Why... why are your eyes watering?”

Akaashi quickly wiped off tears before they spilled, “Sorry... I always get sentimental at night. It’s a lovely song though....”

Everyone looked at Akaashi with concern. Kuroo furrowed his eyebrows. Maybe it was the resurfacing of his college crush? 

He would ask later.

For now, he had to discuss everyone’s lines and parts. He only had two days left to finish it after all.

* * *

Akaashi was actually okay. 

Yes, the song was produced around the time that he developed feelings for someone... but that’s not why he was upset.

Things actually went well for him... he just never told anyone else about it. But for Tsukishima?

Everything went downhill once the entertainment companies were in view. 

This song was special to his friend. Why would he bring it up again? Why did he change it? 

Unless...

Was he trying to bring up Kuroo’s memories? Or send some sort of message? 

Akaashi could practically hear Tsukishima’s voice in the song. It was the only thing he played over and over again when he found out about Kuroo. There were days that Tsukishima would be scribbling down his sorrows in his music...

 _Alone Together_ was one of the happier songs he had. Tsukishima actually had a lot of light-hearted songs...

They were all stored away now.

Akaashi could hear Tsukishima’s soft voice from _Alone Together_ turn into one cracking at the seams in _Alone_. He could see it so vividly. 

Akaashi just nodded along as Kuroo gave out assignments. That man... he really was the only person who could make Tsukishima smile brightly. The one who could coax out a laugh that was gentle on the ears. To just get a genuine reaction out of his friend.

To make him enjoy life.

_Tsukishima..._

_I’ll believe in you._ _I want you to heal somehow... so I’ll believe in you._ _  
_

_So please..._

_Let’s try to find your happiness again, okay?  
_

_You’re not alone._

_I’m right here. So I’ll help you..._

_Together._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that memory erasure and alteration can come hand in hand, so you’ll see Kuroo remembering things from college differently than Tsukishima :)
> 
> I’m glad you guys like it! Thanks for reading.


	6. Camera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camera - Title Track  
> From: habit. (Akaashi), 1st Solo Album 
> 
> click, click, the sound of a camera shutter  
> is enough for someone to go and hide in the gutter  
> the blinding flash, the sounds that makes us go running  
> privacy is a privilege, but the paparazzi doesn’t care so they just keep coming.

_Akaashi had met Tsukishima in music theory class. He was supposed to take it in his first year, but he decided to switch classes around to get in the minor things out of the way. There was one time Akaashi was very late to class, so he missed a lot of notes on certain chord progressions. The only seat empty was the one next to the blond student. In fact... that seat was almost empty all the time. The blond had his bag on the seat, driving anyone away from sitting there._

_Well... it was the only seat left. He had to sit there._

_Akaashi gestured to the seat. The younger student looked up at him, hesitantly taking the backpack off of the empty chair. Akaashi gave a small head nod as a thanks, soon sitting down next to him._

_"Alright, for this assignment, you'll need to be in pairs of two! Practice and write down your chord progressions for your instrument. We'll have a little listening tomorrow to see how far you all get. Being in partners will help give each other a fresh mind... that way you can easily catch any mistakes. Get to it!"_

_Everyone had already scurried away with their friends and partners. The professor usually left the classroom open to anyone who wanted to use it, but most people preferred to snag a studio or a spot outside. Akaashi awkwardly looked around. Being an older student, he didn't know any of the younger faces._

_"Would you prefer here or somewhere else?"_

_Akaashi turned his head to face the blond, "I'm sorry?"_

_"If you can't tell... we're the only ones left," the man spoke, "So... I guess we have to be partners."_

_"Oh. Right!"_

_"What do you play?"_

_"Keyboard."_

_"There's one over there. I'm on guitar," the man spoke as he picked up his guitar case and bag, "Tsukishima, by the way."_

_"Akaashi. Pleased to meet you."_

_Tsukishima and Akaashi started to converse as they went over progressions. Tsukishima shared any notes he had on the keyboard chords that the professor went over, handing a sheet of them to Akaashi. They would listen to each other, giving a few pointers on finger placement to each other. At some point, they had gone across all the progressions, all written down properly and cleanly. Tsukishima had started to strum away at his Fender acoustic, playing a tune that he knew._

_Akaashi turned to his keyboard, playing away at the song. Tsukishima looked up at him, his eyebrow lifting up slightly, "So who's going to break out singing?"_

_He cleared his throat slightly. Here comes his English into play, "Right from the start, you were a thief, you stole my heart... and I your willing victim. I let you see the parts of me, that weren't all pretty... and with every touch you fix them..."_

_Tsukishima nodded, the corner of his lip curling up. "Just Give Me a Reason" by P!nk._

_The two joined in together as they got to the chorus, "Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough, just a second we're not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again! It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts... we're not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again."_

_This time, Tsukishima sang, "I'm sorry I don't understand where all of this is coming from... I thought that we were fine. Your head is running wild again, my dear we still have everything, and it's all in your mind..."_

_They sang all the way to the end. Akaashi smiled as he ended the song. Tsukishima was looking at him, a slight smile on his face as his hands fell away from his guitar. Akaashi turned to properly face him. He needed some friends in this class...._

_It seems like he found himself a good one too. He gestured to the exit as he asked Tsukishima a question._

_"You wouldn't mind going to lunch together, would you?"_

* * *

Kuroo had already finished everything by the next day. It was now the third day. Tsukishima was coming to _Viper Entertainment_ to check out the demo. If he liked it, he would produce for them. If he didn't, then he would turn them down.

Knowing Kuroo though, he'd probably try again.

Akaashi looked outside the window of the company's cafeteria. He was the one who was going to escort Tsukishima up to the studio. No... he asked to escort Tsukishima to Kuroo's studio. It was to buy Tsukishima more time to collect himself... just in case. Akaashi's eyes widened as he spotted a familiar blond head. He tapped on the glass, grabbing the attention of Tsukishima. His friend waved at him, soon going through the entrance and appearing at the cafeteria. 

"Hey," Tsukishima greeted, his hand sliding up and down his messenger bag strap.

"Hey," Akaashi responded, "I was going to grab coffee for us. It's just me, you, and... Kuroo. The others are busy finishing up things for our next production."

Tsukishima pointed to him, "Vanilla latte extra foam for you. Americano with an extra shot for me. And," he sighed slightly, "Iced caramel macchiato, caramel walls, whipped cream and add a few chocolate shavings on top. If it's a good morning... a slice of cinnamon coffee cake. Seriously... how hasn't he sugar crashed by now?"

Tsukishima went straight to the small cafe that the entertainment company provided. Akaashi narrowed his eyes as he watched Tsukishima pay.

He remembered Kuroo’s exact morning order. 

Akaashi walked over to Tsukishima as the man receives their order. Did he really know everything down to the smallest detail? 

Was it because of the medication? He heard that vivid resurgence of memories could happen if the user was on and off of the pills.

”Let’s go,” Tsukishima gestured, “The faster I get this over with... the faster I’ll get out of here.”

Tsukishima’s brow creased. Akaashi knew what that meant...

He was lying.

Akaashi led Tsukishima towards the elevator. The ride upstairs was quiet. Akaashi turned to look at Tsukishima, who was staring down at the coffee holder in his hands. 

”Tsukishima... you don’t have to do this,” Akaashi gently spoke, “If you truly can’t face him again, it can wait. You need to be fine with this before you try anything.”

His friend just nodded, “I’m alright, really. It was going to happen eventually. Also, he would probably pester me until I accepted the collaboration. Now or never, right?”

The elevator door opened as they arrived on the fourth floor. Akaashi walked Tsukishima to Kuroo’s studio. The Color Factory: Number Three.

Tsukishima’s eyes lingered on the number three. Kuroo had added that in for the studio he always went to during college. Tsukishima presses his lips into a thin line. 

Akaashi reached out to the door, turning the knob. He went in first, Tsukishima behind him. Tsukishima closed the door after he entered.

Kuroo spun around in his chair, a grin on his face, “You made it!”

Tsukishima set down the coffee holder an a small empty table, “Well, you did impose the challenge. Let’s see how well you could do under pressure.”

Kuroo smirked as he turned on the sound system, “Tsukishima... are you underestimating me? Gosh. Truly Neon is a mostly self-produced band, but it would still be an honor for you to make us something.”

”Play the song already,” Tsukishima stayed as he took his Americano, poking a straw at the top and taking a long sip.

On cue, Kuroo pressed the space bar to play the song. Akaashi watched as Tsukishima started to bite on his straw, listening to the voices that accompanied his music.

Tsukishima’s eyes softened as he heard Kuroo’s voice. A smooth and deep voice. A very recognizable voice.

Akaashi tapped his fingers against the warm latte. Kuroo was slightly moving his head to the song, his eyes narrowing at certain parts of it. 

It was so strange... seeing the two in the same room, but neither of them were close to each other. In college, they were like two crossed fingers. Tsukishima wasn’t a fan of public affection, but Kuroo always managed to sneak in some hand holding. It would be almost everyday that Akaashi caught the two together, even if they tried not to be obvious.

It was strange.

Not seeing Kuroo latch onto Tsukishima... it wasn’t something he was used to.

Kuroo gave out a content sigh as he pressed the space bar again, “There we go. The demo of _Alone_. What do you think, Tsukishima?”

Tsukishima took another long sip of his drink, “First off...”

Akaashi had to hold back a laugh as Tsukishima started to list off every single little error. No rift here, a softer voice here, that line completely throws off the previous one, raise the note at the end... 

Kuroo frantically scribbled it down somewhere, “S-so... I assume that a no?” he stuttered, flustered by the sudden criticizing. Tsukishima was a picky producer. It was expected for him to call out everything that he didn’t like. 

Tsukishima’s hands tightened around his cup. Kuroo’s face was washed over with disappointment.... the small twinkle in his eyes dying down. 

Tsukishima had a soft spot for Kuroo when he did that. 

He hesitated for a moment, “That’s just a note for what you shouldn’t do for the next one.”

”Right. I understand... thank you for the opportu- wait. Next one?” he asked, the tone of hope returning to his voice. 

Tsukishima nodded, “A little work is needed... but you guys have fine vocals. You just need to execute it properly.”

The twinkle returned to Kuroo’s eyes. He rolled his chair forward to Tsukishima, suddenly grabbing Tsukishima’s hands in his.

”Thank you so much!” Kuroo beamed, “We will not disappoint. I swear we can do justice to your wonderful productions.”

Tsukishima simply stared down at their hands, “Mhm. Let’s get along...”

Kuroo shook his hand, thanking him endlessly. He dropped Tsukishima hands as he went back to his monitor, grabbing his drink along the way. Kuroo flipped through a binder, which had their plans for the next album.

Tsukishima was still staring down at his hands. When he realized that he lingered on for a moment too much, Tsukishima looked back up at Kuroo. 

”Would you like to see our concept for this album?” Kuroo asked after he drank from his cup. There was a small amount of whip cream on the corner of his lip.

Akaashi watched Tsukishima’s hands. One of them was threatening to reach up to Kuroo’s face. Tsukishima quickly placed his other hand over it, “I’m sure I can discuss this with Akaashi. I have some other things in my schedule today...”

“Oh... of course,” Kuroo understood, “We’ll discuss things later on. I’ll look forward to working with you,” he ended with a smile.

”It won’t be easy, but maybe you have it in yourself to deal with me,” Tsukishima replied, “I’m not the easiest producer to work with.”

”And I’m always up for a challenge,” Kuroo smirked, “See you later, alright?”

  
Akaashi soon led Tsukishima out of the studio, going back down to the entrance. Akaashi decided to walk a little bit with Tsukishima, just to make sure that he was doing alright.

The blond was furling and unfurling his hands. His eyelids would twitch once in a while, while his eyes searched from side to side. Akaashi stopped Tsukishima, pulling him to the side of a store. He placed his hands on Tsukishima’s shoulders. 

”If anything isn’t okay, you have to say something,” Akaashi spoke softly, “I’m here for you. You know that, right?”

Tsukishima avoided eye contact, “I know... it’s just that-“

_Click.  
_

The two whipped their heads around at that awful sound. Akaashi narrowed his eyes, spotting a mysterious figure. Black outfit, hidden face... yep. It was them.

The paparazzi.

Akaashi tilted his head towards a less populated road. The two walked away from the common route, going quickly as they heard more footsteps. Why now? They quickened their pace, turning back into the main road.

”There they are!”

Oh no. Was it a trap to corner them?

Akaashi covered his eyes as the flash of cameras invaded his vision. Tsukishima hung his head down, once more avoiding eye contact. 

Tsukishima hated crowds. The only time he didn’t hate them was when he was playing music. The paparazzi? 

That’s just fuel for Tsukishima’s anxiety.

Akaashi glared at the photographers. A few of them captured his anger on camera.

”Akaashi! Could you tell us why you’re with Yellow Mind?” one of them spontaneously asked, “You two wouldn’t happen to be another couple, would you?”

More flashes. Akaashi felt a tug at his sleeve. He moved his eyes to look at Tsukishima.

Tsukishima’s eyes were blank, but his chest was starting to heave. They needed to get out of here. Now.

”We’re just friends,” Akaashi sharply responded, “Now please, step aside.”

”Friends? That’s what everyone says! Is this some stunt to raise up the reputation of Yellow Mind? Or are you two genuinely together?” 

More people started to shout their names. The grip on Akaashi’s sleeve got tighter. Akaashi could feel his lip curling into a sneer. He wanted to talk back, but that would only cause more trouble for them.

Click. Click. 

”No, that can’t be! Yellow Mind might have a friendship with Akaashi, but don’t you remember the last report?” another one spoke up, “Akaashi! Is it true that you are in a relationship with your drummer?”

That’s enough now.

Akaashi grabbed Tsukishima’s wrist, squeezing himself into an empty space. He pulled Tsukishima along, forcing themselves out of the circle of cameras. There was some frantic shouting as the two started to run. They twisted into different streets, doing everything they could to shake off the last of them. Eventually, Tsukishima pulled him back, breathing heavily. Akaashi looked around. There was a bench near a small row of stores. Akaashi led Tsukishima to sit down. Tsukishima practically collapsed into the bench, bending forward as he held his face in his hands.

His breathing was still erratic.

”Deep breaths Kei,” he murmured, gently placing his hand on Tsukishima’s back. He could feel Tsukishima’s heart pounding vigorously. It slowed down as Tsukishima’s inhaled and exhaled deeply. There were slight shudders in his back, but it all slowed down. 

”Take your time,” Akaashi reassured, “If you don’t want to say anything right now, that’s okay.”

Tsukishima kept doing the breathing exercises for a while. Akaashi just sat there, doing his best to comfort his friend. Tsukishima’s body finally relaxed. After another moment, Tsukishima spoke up.

”I hate those guys,” he muttered, “This is why I didn’t want to accept the collaboration in the first place. It’s just going to draw attention to both of the artists... which can easily be manipulated into something else.”

”I’ll ask security to be strengthened up next time you come around.”

Tsukishima nodded slightly, “Thanks... but,” he hesitated for a second, “I don’t want to grow that much. You know how I said I wanted to stay on the down low. I’m okay with a some attention, but I wouldn’t be able to take on the type that you guys get. Do you even think this could work out? For all of us?” 

”The collaboration? Yeah... unless you mean something more... about you and him.”

Tsukishima lifted his head up. He looked exhausted from the blur of events that just happened. He sighed heavily, “If I’m being honest... I think that’s really the reason why I accepted it. I did it because it was him,” he shook his head,” Everything just happened too quickly... my memories even started to resurface, Akaashi.” 

“It’s not working anymore?”

”Not as strongly. It’s just when something similar happens in the present, a memory that was like it comes back. Akaashi... what if I go insane because of this? I can’t do it if everything will just remind me of the past,” Tsukishima mumbled.

Akaashi furrowed his eyebrows. Past and present... well...

”Who says you can’t try again?” 

Tsukishima looked up at him, “What?”

”I mean... it’s not like you’re forbidden from talking with Kuroo, right? Why don’t you try to rebuild the foundation? You could make friends with him... that’s a way to have him in your life,” Akaashi suggested.

”It’s not that easy,” Tsukishima said, his voice wavering, “You’ve seen how I am around him. Friends? That’s.. that’s not enough-“

Tsukishima laughed a little, “Ha... I’m becoming too greedy,” he sighed, “But it won’t be the same. It won’t be what we had.”

Akaashi frowned, “You’re going to have to be with him for a while now. You should still make some sort of connection with him... maybe something will grow out of it.”

”Given the idea that he’s famous and on contract, yeah right!” Tsukishima sneered.

”Positive! Think positive Kei!” Akaashi stressed, “I’m on a dating ban, but that’s not stopping me from-“

He looked around quickly. Not one person in sight. He spoke out a little more quietly, “It’s not stopping me from being with who I love. It may not be the same, but you can’t live in the past. However, you can still fix something that was broken. And it could turn out better than before. Kei... give it a chance. Please?”

Akaashi immediately regretted his words. They were a little insensitive: to ask Tsukishima to let go of something that meant everything to him. Sometimes the only way to get through Tsukishima is through the blunt and raw aggression. It wasn’t the best...but it usually broke through Tsukishima’s mind.

“I’m still going to hang on,” Tsukishima murmured.

“No... let me try again,” Akaashi explained, “You can’t live in the past, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. It’s okay to look back on it, but change happens. You just... gotta move along with that change. Make things better, fix problems... go with the flow. If you can’t avoid him, then face him. If it’s too hard now, work on it to make it easier in the long run. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

All of that came out because Akaashi was under the stress of being on the sidelines. He hated watching his friends crumble down. His words didn’t come out they way he wanted them to all the time, but he really did try his best. 

Tsukishima nodded a little, “Just... build up again. Start slow. Move with the changes... while still keeping the past in mind. Right?”

Akaashi nodded, “There we go. That’s what I was trying to say.”

”Thanks for dealing with all this,” Tsukishima smiled softly, “I know it’s not the easiest.”

Akaashi shook his head, “It’s alright. As long as I can help you smile brightly again, everything will be worth it.”

The two got up, walking back to Tsukishima’s company. Akaashi was supposed to be back at his company, but he didn’t care. He could feel his phone buzzing in his pocket, but he ignored it. 

He had to support Tsukishima now. Akaashi wanted to be there to support him in everything he did.

His company could wait... nothing was more valuable than his ties with people.

Not to mention... he had to stop by somewhere.

The library archives on memory erasure.

There was something off about Kuroo when they were recording the songs. His focus kept leaving as they sang the song. Kuroo might have caught on that it was similar to _Alone Together._

That got him thinking...

Could memories be brought back after erasure? 


	7. Americano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Americano - unreleased song  
> From: the archives of Kuroo Tetsurou 
> 
> To shake me awake from a warm drowsiness  
> A stroll along to my favorite cafe to get rid of this mess  
> An americano, extra shot, for my pick me up  
> My reflection within the dark liquid in that cup  
> Five star brand or not  
> I’m not who I am without an americano, extra shot.

” _What can I get for you today?”_

_Kuroo replayed his order, “I’ll have a large ice caramel macchiato, caramel walls, whipped cream and some chocolate shavings,” he looked over at someone, “Is it a good day today?”_

_”Kuroo, you shouldn’t have so many sweets-“_

_”It is! A slice of cinnamon coffee cake too please,” he politely asked._

_The person sighed heavily, “I’ll find you at a grave with all the sugar you consume in a day.”_

_”At least I’ll die happy,” Kuroo stick out his tongue, “Do you want anything? It’s on me.”_

_The blurred figure stepped up a little, “Iced americano, extra shot.”  
_

_”Really?” Kuroo said as he handed the cashier his card. The person simply shrugged. They waited for a moment, a few minutes later picking up their order. Kuroo watched a the figure took a sip of his drink, his body straightening afterwards._

_”Oho, are you the kind of guy who isn’t themselves without their morning coffee?” Kuroo joked._

_”If you saw me in the morning, I would advise you to run,” the person retorted, drawing an invisible line across his neck, “You would die.”  
_

_”Oh come on now firefly, you could never hurt a face like this.”_

_”I thought I told you to not call me that.”_

_”But you know you like it! You have to have a one of a kind nickname from me.”_

_”Alright then rooster-head.”_

_Kuroo gasped, “Agh! My pride and joy has been hurt. Anything but the hair!”_

_The person laughed, “Gotcha. I have found the weakness of the oh-so mighty Kuroo Tetsurou.”_

_”Haha, very funny.”_

_”Thanks. I know I’m hilarious.”_

_The two walked out of the cafeteria and back to the same old studio._

_Studio number three._

* * *

“Enjoy your americano, extra shot!”

Kuroo was brought out of the sudden vision, taking the cup without looking down at it. He poked a straw through the lid, immediately going for a sip. It was the next morning. He was asked to go over to _Fly High Entertainment_ since Tsukishima was more comfortable in his own studio. Kuroo had just stopped by to get his daily dose of sweetness.

He was met with bitterness instead. Kuroo choked on the coffee, “Bleh... who drinks stuff like this anyway?” he scrunched his nose, opening and closing his mouth as the bitterness hung on his tongue. He must have ordered it by accident since his mind was replaying something about americanos. 

It did have quite the kick though. 

Kuroo walked out of the cafe, making his way to the entrance of _Fly High Entertainment_. Hopefully that haywire memory trigger wouldn’t affect his work.

But that person couldn’t have been Akaashi this time. Akaashi liked vanilla lattes. Perhaps it was Kenma? No...

Firefly? Who-

Kuroo hissed quietly as he felt his head pounding, “Okay, okay! I get it,” he muttered, “I’ll figure it out later.”

He went inside, being promptly escorted to the studios upstairs. Tsukishima’s studio was at the very end. “The Thought Bubble”... a nice simple name for a studio. Kuroo lightly knocked on the door. The door was pushed open, a signal for him to go inside.

Kuroo closed the door behind him, “Good morning, Tsukishima.”

Tsukishima was chewing on the straw of his drink, “Morning,” he responded, looking down at the drink Kuroo had in his hand, “No sugar overload like yesterday?”

Kuroo titled the cup around, “I thought I would try something different. It’s kinda disgusting, too bitter.”

Tsukishima huffed, “Don’t insult the refined coffee that is an americano. It gets better with an extra shot or two,” he argued as he turned to his monitor.

”Really? You like this?” Kuroo asked as he sat down on a couch, “Well... you do seem like the kind of guy who likes black coffee.”

”The more you know, I guess,” Tsukishima replied as he tapped away at some files.

”We are going to be working together, so we should get to know each other,” Kuroo pointes out, scratching at his left arm. It was warm outside so he wore a short sleeve. He had to cover up his tattoo sleeve, but he must have used the wrong foundation. It was already becoming grimy and peeling off. 

Tsukishima looked back at Kuroo’s scratching, glancing down at his arm. The blond got up, walking towards a cabinet. He rummaged through the drawers, pulling out a packet of makeup wipes, a sponge, and a bottle of something.

”Don’t use the foundations for the face on that,” Tsukishima spoke, “The bottle has one that is specifically for cover marks and tattoos.” 

Kuroo stares down at the bottle of cover up foundation, “How did you-?”

Tsukishima fidgeted around with some more buttons, “Before all this, I had a friend who I would audition with. He had a tattoo sleeve, but he always forgot that not all entertainment companies liked them. So I brought that around for him.” 

”Oh... so you still keep it around for him?” Kuroo asked as he wiped off the foundation that was on his arm. He just assumed that his friend might have joined the same company. 

Tsukishima fell silent for a moment. After a soft sigh, he responded.

”I’m not related to him anymore.”

”Oh. I’m sorry...”

It was dead silent. Kuroo continues to wipe away at the foundation, looking down at his sleeve. It was a colorful piece of all sorts. From the top of his shoulder to the bottom of his hand, it was a day light sky fading into the night. A stylized sun was at the top, fading down into flowers and waves. At the very bottom, the night sky appeared with some stars, silhouette trees and...

Fireflies.

His head started to hurt as he thought of that memory again. 

”You still there?”

Kuroo snapped his head up, “Huh? Oh... yeah. I just spaced out for a moment.”

Tsukishima held up a binder, “While you put on that foundation, let me break it down to make sure of what I’m working with.”

Kuroo gestured at him to go ahead.

”You’re continuing into period of life. The band is moving from “childhood” right into “adulthood“. So in contrast to the light and pop music, you guys are moving into a darker concept. And if I’m right... this is the first dark concept in a while. I wouldn’t count “ _Prowl_ ” since it’s a tad bit suggestive to be called dark.”

”A tad bit? The music video will up that suggestiveness to the max if you haven't seen it,” Kuroo shook his head, “The director chose that theme for the song.”

Ah yes. To be wearing leather harnesses and give eye candy. Kuroo shuddered at that. Contrary to his personality in the music industry, Kuroo prefers slice of life or lo-fi concepts compared to the suggestive ones. Now Oikawa, that's the guy who fully enjoyed making that special music video. It was for one of their special events during their anniversary week. A music video in which they danced, which was out of the ordinary for a band. 

"I would rather not," Tsukishima sighed, "If you can't tell, the most "appealing" thing I've done is bite the heads off of gummy bears or bite necklaces. I do, however, have many deep and dark concepts. So... I'm one-hundred percent sure that the song I produce for you will fit this dark theme well."

Kuroo smiled as he dabbed the foundation on his arm, "Thank god. I really hoped you weren't going to suggest something like that."

"What? _"Prowl"_ wasn't your band's idea?"

He shook his head, "We are self-produced, but sometimes our main producer and director takes things into their hands. _"Prowl"_ was during our lowest point in our career, so they went with that idea to boost us back up."

Kuroo finally finished covering his sleeve. He capped the bottle and was about to hand it over to Tsukishima, but the blond held up his hand. He pointed to him, "Keep it. I don't need it and I'm sure that you wouldn't want acne all over your arm."

"Thanks," he grinned.

Kuroo could have sworn that he saw a slight smile from Tsukishima.

"Anyway," Tsukishima continued, "I already have an idea for the song. Soft rock. Rather than going all heavy on synths and keyboard, we can add on that and build up. From soft to almost like a cry for help. Since this is "adulthood", I was think of... an early midlife crisis."

"Midlife crisis?"

"Yes," Tsukishima nodded as he leaned back in his chair, spinning around to fully face him, "It's usually through the older generations, but an early midlife crisis could be an interesting concept. Someone around their late twenties or even thirties experiencing that. So much stress or a huge loss can cause it. I'm sure big artists can feel like that: losing the opportunity to experience a normal life. Losing privacy. Losing... yourself."

Kuroo watched as a light in Tsukishima's eyes died down. They became blank for a second as Tsukishima looked into Kuroo's eyes. They searched for a moment, but he soon looked away. Tsukishima pushed up his glasses as he scooted away from Kuroo, "Loss and confusion. That's what adult-hood is like."

"Tsukishima... is this why your music is so powerful?" Kuroo carefully asked. 

The blond exhaled deeply, "You could say that. I tackled something hard face to face."

They do say that you could feel what an artist has been through via their music.

"This song is going to be very raw and emotional then," Kuroo noted, "Are you sure that you can do this?"

Tsukishima shrugged, "I've done this plenty of times before- wait, why am I telling you this?"

"You must have a lot on your mind," Kuroo clasped his hands, a sudden pain coming at his head. He ignored it and kept talking, "If you're talking this much to someone who is practically a stranger. We don't know each other that well, but we can still talk it out. I don't want you to be uncomfortable working with me if it'll remind you of something. So if you want to, you can talk to me."

Frozen.

That's how Tsukishima was right now.

Like a freeze-frame, Tsukishima was staring at him, his eyes completely lifeless. His eye twitched occasionally, but other than that, he was so still. Oh no. Did he hit a sensitive area? Maybe he shouldn't have brought that up... what if he'll turn down everything now because of his mistake. 

"That's exactly why I shouldn't tell you," Tsukishima muttered, his eyes unwavering, "You don't know me... but I'll tell you. I'll tell you one huge thing because I have the urge to tell someone else."

Kuroo sat up.

Let's see what was the reason behind all of Yellow Mind's music.

* * *

_"You must have a lot on your mind, if you're talking this much to someone who is practically a stranger."_

His head started to pound.

That was way too close to what he said when they first met in college.

Tsukishima felt his whole body freeze. For a moment, there was the crashing wave of sadness that overcame him. He was going to excuse himself to collect everything together. He couldn't break down in front of Kuroo. That would be embarrassing since he didn't know him-

That was a lie.

Kuroo _knew_ him once.

Suddenly, the crashing wave started to thrash, the sea of red pooling within his mind. 

You _knew_. 

You knew _everything_.

The words spilled out of his mouth, "That's exactly why I shouldn't tell you. You don't know me... but I'll tell you. I'll tell you one huge thing because I have the urge to tell someone else."

_That's exactly why I **should** tell you. **You knew me.**.. you don't remember, but you knew me. I'll tell you what you did because you have no idea how much I wanted to speak about this. _

Tsukishima crossed his arms, "That friend I mentioned earlier? He was my boyfriend. One year and a half together. Not much... but it meant a lot to me. We would audition to place together, we would produce, we would sing... it was a steady and healthy relationship. But you know what happened?"

Red. Something was burning within him. His head kept pounding on that seal that held everything back. Again, and again, and again, and-

**Slice.**

He sneered, his lips curling back. Tsukishima looked straight into Kuroo's eyes. Tsukishima could feel everything flowing back, the anger overtaking his sadness for once. It rose to his eyes. Like an americano, his eyes darkened and a bitter glare came out. Kuroo flinched back. 

The seal broke.

"That man... erased every little, and every single memory of me on the same day we first met each other."

"And he didn't even give me a warning about it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a really good nap today :)  
> I hope you guys are doing well!


	8. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories - Track 2 (Title Track)  
> From: YELLOW MIND, 1st Mini Album - Memories 
> 
> Dearest who?  
> We don’t have any memories  
> Memories are a thing for those who share a heart and soul  
> Memories?  
> They’re the thing that make two people one whole  
> But for me, you can’t see  
> Any memories

It _was the day that he was going to audition for Fly High Entertainment. They had scouted for him after a busking video. Kuroo had agreed last week that he would also try out with him. They had been auditioning together for every entertainment company._

_Viper Entertainment was one that came for both them, but Tsukishima decided not to go there. A big company always comes with too many regulations and rules. He heard that Fly High was pretty fair, despite being on the top competitors._

_Tsukishima happened to be waiting on a bus stop outside of Viper Entertainment. His apartment was pretty close to the company. If anything, Kuroo would be at Fly High before him._

_He looked down at his phone. Kuroo hasn’t answered any of his calls or texts. Perhaps he was busy getting his song ready.  
_

_Tsukishima stood up from the bench as he saw the bus arrive. He was about to pull out his bus card when he saw something awfully familiar from the corner of his eye. Tsukishima looked up, narrowing his eyes as he looked at the item._

_A guitar case with the words “rather be dead than cool” embroidered on it._

_Kuroo?_

_It was him.  
_

_Tsukishima watched as Kuroo walked over to the cross walk, rocking back and forth on his heels as he waited for the go signal. He wore his old pink shirt with a white and green over shirt. It was all tucked into his dark washed jeans. He didn’t cover his tattoos... Kuroo usually did that before auditioning.  
_

_What was he doing here?_

_Tsukishima walked over to Kuroo, “What are you doing here?” he called out._

_Kuroo’s head turned slightly to look at him, “Uhm... I’m going to audition?”  
_

_He pointed to Viper Entertainment._

_”We already auditioned there,” Tsukishima reminded him, “Remember? You said you didn’t want to go there because of their bans on things.”_

_”No... I didn’t audition there yet. They offered me a seven year contract...I’m going to audition to get it signed.”_

_”What?” Tsukishima asked, “Kuroo, stop messing around. We’re going to be late for Fly High.”_

_He grabbed Kuroo by the wrist. Did he hit his head this morning? Contract? They offered that, but Kuroo had immediately rejected it. What kind of-_

_“Excuse me? Please let go.”_

_Kuroo didn’t budge from his spot, “I’m going to be late... you must have the wrong Kuroo.”_

_Tsukishima looked back at Kuroo. Kuroo had his other hand over Tsukishima’s, pushing it down to get it away from his wrist. Tsukishima stared down at his hand as Kuroo moved away from him._

_”Wrong?” Tsukishima asked, his gaze searching within Kuroo’s eyes, “Kuroo. It’s me, Tsukishima. Are you okay? Did you really hit your head-“_

_”Tsukishima?”_

_His eyes widened at the sight._

_Kuroo’s eyes were blank as the man looked at him. No spark. No light. Just a blank line of sight.  
_

_”Kei,” Tsukishima tried again, “It’s Kei... remember?”_

_Not a drop of recognition._

_Tsukishima glanced down at Kuroo’s wrist. His heart dropped as he noticed something that wasn’t there before._

_A wrist bracelet._

_From “The Brain”._

_”You.. you didn’t,” Tsukishima uttered as he stepped back, “You didn’t...”_

_”Tsukishima Kei?” Kuroo repeated, his eyes colder than ever._

_He lifted his gaze to look at Kuroo. His eye twitched, and for once... Kuroo looked annoyed at him. Kuroo turned his back to Tsukishima as the go signal came on._

_”I’ve never heard of that name in my life.”_

_Those were the last words that Kuroo told him before he walked away.  
_

_”Hey! Are you getting on the bus or not?” the driver shouted at him._

_Tsukishima forced himself to step away from the crosswalk, slowly walking to the bus. He boarded, swiped his card, and sat himself down.  
_

_He couldn’t feel anything._

_His body slumped over the chair. Tsukishima felt those familiar tangles form in his head. The black lines that easily overtook his mind and state.  
_

_Was it something he did?  
_

_What did he do wrong?  
_

_Or... was it because Kuroo changed his mind?  
_

_Did Kuroo erase him because he wanted to live a more prosperous life? He kept talking about that contract..._

_Fame?_

_Was he chasing after that?_

_Or was it because Tsukishima wasn’t good enough anymore?  
_

_He was a little bit too much to handle, but Kuroo has been dealing with it for such a long time. Sure, not most people would want to deal with someone with anxiety, but Kuroo did it anyway. He did it with tenderness and kindness... why now? Why did he decide to leave now? Out of all days too..._

_Was he planning on erasing him the same day Tsukishima met him?  
_

_Tsukishima looked up at the window. Oh. He was already at his stop.  
_

_He stepped out of the bus, walking straight to the entrance of the company. Tsukishima gripped the straps of his guitar case, squeezing his eyes forcefully to prevent anything from coming out.  
_

_He went in, headed for the audition room, and waited. Tsukishima stared down at his sticker. He had prepared the same old song that he performed for all of his auditions. Tsukishima glances one more time at the song he wrote down._

_”Love” by Keyshia Cole._

_A choked laughed came out of him. He ran his hands through his hair, ruffling it as he brought them back down. His heart was threatening to jump out of his chest.... calm down. Calm down for crying out loud!_

_“Tsukishima Kei? They’re ready for you.”_

_He stood up, his guitar in tow as he stood in front of the main producers. Tsukishima pulled a chair over, sitting down and taking out his guitar._

_A Fender acoustic. Concert guitar. His fingers grazed the few stickers that Kuroo had placed on. “Your guitar defines who you are, Tsukki.” that’s what he would say._

_”I’m sorry for the sudden change,” Tsukishima spoke up, trying his best to keep his voice steady, “But I’m going to perform another song for you. Thank you for your time in advanced”_

_The producers nodded in understanding._

_He started to strum away at the guitar, finding the rhythm of the song. If he sang it... maybe it would help him calm down._

_”you were good to me” by Jeremy Zucker._

_“Lyin’ isn’t better than silence, floatin’ but I feel like I’m dyin’,” he softly sang, tapping his foot on the ground.  
_

_“Still no matter where I go, at the end of every road,” he continued, his fingers dancing across the chords, “You were good to me... you were good to me, yeah”_

_He continued, seeing some soft faces from the producers. His voice slightly wavered, but he continued. He channeled the song: leaving someone who you loved dearly._

_His voice grew louder, a cry of despair mixing in._

_”And I’m so used to letting go!” he sang, his vision becoming blurry, “But I don’t want to be alone! You were good to me... you were good to me...”_

_“God only knows, where our fears go...hearts I’ve broke, now my tears flow!”_

_They spilled out._

_”You’ll see that I’m sorry... cause you were good to me,” his voice slightly cracked, rhythmically to be ironic, “You were good to me...”_

_He lowered his voice. A small quiver coming out, “And now I’m closing every door. Cause I’m sick of wanting more... you were good to me. You were good to me... I swear I’m different than before.. cause I won’t hurt you anymore.”_

_Last strum._

_”You were good... to me.”_

_He softly sighed out. There. Some of his anguish from early flowed out. A few more tears came out, so he gently wiped them away from his face. Tsukishima stared down at his guitar, picking away at the stickers._

_The producers gave an applause. He must have moved them in someway._

_”Tsukishima? Is everything alright?” the main producer asked, “It was a wonderful performance... you really know how to portray emotions... but this was so real. Are you alright?”_

_He sniffed slightly. Tsukishima looked up, staring at blurred figures as he gave a weak smile._

_”Sorry... bad breakup.”_

* * *

“Tsukishima? Hey... Tsukishima?!” 

He blinked out of the painful memory, his face damp from tears that unconsciously fell. Somewhere in between, the thrashing waves settled down into the quiet rippled on a rainy night. His anger dissipated back to sadness in a matter of seconds.

Kuroo had his hands on his shoulders. Tsukishima stared up at him, worry filled within those familiar eyes.

”You were gone for a moment,” Kuroo explained, “I was shaking you, but you wouldn’t even blink!”

”Oh... I’m sorry.”

Kuroo shook his head, “My fault, not yours. I shouldn’t have asked,” he murmured, his face scrunching up slightly, “What a bastard. Why would he do that?”

_That’s what I want to know. You don't even remember what you said.... then again, I was a stranger to you then._

Tsukishima had always assumed it was because of fame. Kuroo would occasionally look towards that road, but most of them time he went back to his original morals: making music to comfort people while keeping his identity.

One half of that was gone.

Kuroo on the stage... is nothing alike to who Kuroo actually was.

”Anyway... that's why my music is how it is," Tsukishima quietly spoke, "I've lost someone within a few minutes... what would cause more stress than that? Just everything we built up on," he snapped his fingers, "Gone. I've held onto it for... almost four or five years? I don't even remember how long it was..."

Kuroo took his arms off of Tsukishima's shoulders, "If it's that painful for you... wouldn't it be best to... erase?"

"No. I'm suppressing them with the pills."

"But Tsukishima... you're clearing suffering because of this. Even if you're healing from it through music, it's still a deep wound. How long can you go on? How long, Tsukishima?" Kuroo asked, "You can't live like this! He's the one who initiated it... he didn't tell you anything. He hurt you! I don't believe in that procedure, but you look like you can break any minute because of it. So... erase him. Get rid of that painful period with him-"

"You don't understand!" Tsukishima shouted, snapping at Kuroo, "Why would you understand?!"

He breathed heavily.

_You're right in front of me. How could you say that?_

"I-... I miss him," Tsukishima lowered his voice slightly, "And more than that... I never got an explanation on why he did that. I need to know... I at least need to know why he erased me out of his mind! He would never do anything without proper reasoning... it doesn't make sense, it didn't make sense!"

He was getting too emotional.

Kuroo stared at him with wide eyes. There was still worry floating within them. Tsukishima took a deep breath in and out, "I didn't mean to spill my problems out. I apologize," he tilted his head down, "I'll send you the composition with the lyrics when it's ready. Is there anything else you need?"

"Tsukishima... we can still talk this out if you need someone-"

"Not with you," Tsukishima responded, steadying his voice again, "You... you've already heard too much. You took in too much. Please... leave."

That's not what he wanted to say. Everything had spilled out because... it was him. It was Kuroo. He wanted to talk more, he wanted to express how he felt... even if Kuroo would have no idea what he was saying. Everything came out on impulse. Venting. It was something he would do a lot to Kuroo: he would hear out his problems, and then Tsukishima would listen to Kuroo's problems. 

He didn't want Kuroo to leave. 

_Don't leave. Don't go. Say something, say anything!_

Kuroo crossed his arms, "Okay... but I'm going to see you later."

_Oh..._

_Thank god._

"You, me, and a couple of drinks," Kuroo snapped his fingers, "It's on me. This evening. Gimme your phone number," Kuroo continued, handing Tsukishima his phone, "I may practically be a stranger, but that's the best kind of person to talk to over drinks."

Tsukishima punched in his number. He handed the phone back to Kuroo, who grinned as he put it away, "You can bring someone along if you want. If it makes you more comfortable, I mean."

He simply nodded. 

_"Geez... you could have at least played hard to get,"_ he told himself. 

"I'll see you later then!" Kuroo waved, "I'll text you the address too!"

Tsukishima waved as Kuroo left. He completely relaxed as he heard the door lock click. 

“What are you doing?” he muttered to himself, “You can’t keep getting tearful around him... he’ll think that he is the problem. Well- it’s not wrong, but still! He doesn’t know that...”

Rebuilding.

Tsukishima thought it would have been easier since he already knew Kuroo, but it was the complete opposite. He had to bring in old information while not confusing Kuroo at the same time. 

If only he could jog Kuroo’s memory again... things would be so much easier.

He sighed heavily. Tsukishima pulled out his phone and shot a quick message to Akaashi. He then sent a separate text to Yamaguchi.

This was going to be a long night.

* * *

“Drinks?” 

Akaashi stares down at his phone, re-reading Tsukishima’s text. He had just left the library, a book on memory alteration in his hand. Apparently, Kuroo had invited him out to get drinks later in the day...

Because he pressed on about Tsukishima’s past, which made Tsukishima cry.

”I swear, I’m going to break his neck one day,” Akaashi grumbled, “Kuroo needs to stop poking into everyone’s private matters.”

Tsukishima ended up telling Kuroo about how someone left him alone.... the person being Kuroo. Of course, Kuroo didn’t know that, so things were about to get very complicated. If Tsukishima wanted to keep talking to Kuroo, he had to find a way to avoid speaking about very close and personal things that they had. It’s one thing to know a coffee order, especially since some cafes promote it as Kuroo’s favorite drink. It’s another thing to know about deep and closed secrets though... if Tsukishima happened to let one slip by, Kuroo might see him as a stalker or something worse.

That’s where Akaashi came into play.

Tsukishima has asked for Akaashi to join them, just in case if things got out of hand. 

Because drinks? That’s the worst thing to ask Tsukishima out to.

Tsukishima is a lightweight drinker, surprisingly. Someone could hold him to gunpoint and tell him to down two shots or he’ll die, but he would rather die than to drink. He hated drinking.

The only reason Tsukishima would go out drinking was because Kuroo likes his dose of alcohol once in a while. That was when they were together. 

So it was Akaashi’s job to make sure Tsukishima didn’t get drunk. If he got drunk, it was game over. Tsukishima was talkative under the influence... he would surely blabber on about things he shouldn’t if he got wasted.

The backup plan was set as well. Bokuto would be on standby in the car, Yamaguchi was on speed dial, and Kenma would be ready with aspirins and garbage buckets if everyone ended up blacking out.

There was one goal for today.

Let Tsukishima and Kuroo forge the bond that was broken. Fix the burnt bridge. Dial it back down to one and start being friends... before they progressed into something more. Before both of them ended up completely shattered. Before anything else happened.

It would also buy time for Akaashi to research on the retrieving of memories. Bokuto had offered to help as well.

Akaashi cracked his neck. He looked ahead of him with determination.

”Alright... let’s get those two onto square one.” 


	9. If I'm Around You, It's Bound to be Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I'm around you, it's bound to be trouble (Vulnerable) - unreleased song  
> From: the archives of YELLOW MIND 
> 
> I can't control myself, not with this atmosphere  
> The music is pumping, midnight is crystal clear  
> If I’m around you, it’s bound to be trouble,  
> Intoxicated by the aura, I let go of any struggle,  
> Raw mind, exposed fears, let's go my love.  
> This is who I really am.

"Cheers!"

8 p.m. They were at a small bar. The Wishing Well, a small business that has a wide variety of drinks. Fruit and flower based, mock-tails, hard liquor, and anything from your wildest dreams, The Wishing Well had everything. It was rather comfortable too. There were soft lights that glowed with different colors, there wasn't a heavy smell of cigarettes, and they even had a small karaoke room... a chill bar to his liking.

Tsukishima looked at the glass of beer he held, tilting it around. 

Akaashi and Kuroo had different things in their hands. Vodka for Akaashi, and a Whiskey Bomb for Kuroo. Their tastes haven't changed a bit. Tsukishima on the other hand...

He would rather be at a soda shop. 

Unfortunately, the weakest alcohol here was beer. He hated beer. 

Kuroo exhaled loudly after he placed his glass down, “Okay, let’s try again with these introductions first off,” he smiled, “Kuroo Tetsurou.”

He held his hand out to Tsukishima. With his free hand, Tsukishima shook Kuroo’s hand, “Tsukishima Kei.”

Kuroo nodded, “There. That makes things a little less awkward than before. I’m not Kuroo Tetsurou from Truly Neon right now, I’m just... well, me!“

Akaashi coughed, “I’m here too.”

”We both know you,” the two responded.

”Fair enough,” Akaashi shrugged.

“We are here to talk and to get things off of our minds,” Kuroo continued as he was getting another drink, “So... if we really went to the same college, why did I never see you?”

Way to go with a hard question right off the bat.

”I majored in two things,” Tsukishima quickly replied, “My schedule was a bit more packed, so I was running around a lot. I also spent less time in college since I took extra classes and programs to finish early.”

Kuroo nodded, “Impressive. What was your second major?”

”Art. I give bases for my album covers and animated music videos.”

”Talented all around,” Kuroo acknowledged, “What studio did you go to?”

Tsukishima looked over at Akaashi. He held up all five of his fingers. 

”Studio five,” Tsukishima answered, “Same one as Akaashi.”

”Studio three is where it’s at,” Kuroo shook his head, “The equipment may be a little older, but it still makes a fine work space. Three was where I would go all the time.”

Akaashi spoke up, “Hey... five may be more modern but it still has as much value as the others.”

Kuroo chuckled, “Akaashi, are we getting defensive over studios now?”

Tsukishima just watched at Kuroo and Akaashi started to bicker over old school and modern equipment. He took some sips of his beer, opening and closing his mouth in efforts to get rid of the burnt taste. Ugh... if only they ordered chicken.

”Tsukishima break this once and for all, I’m sure you’ve been to the other studios before,” Kuroo whined, “Which studio was the best?” 

The two looked at him attentively. He had been to studio five before... it wasn’t his favorite, but it was pretty good to work in since it was excluded from the other ones. Studio three had a special place in his heart though...

”One,” Tsukishima said, “It was the emptiest out of all the studios. You didn’t specify if I had to pick between those two.” 

“Tsukishima!” the two complained.

”Oh come on,” Tsukishima grumbled, “You two are teammates! You should at least get along when it comes to this kind of stuff.”

Kuroo laughed, “You know what’s funny? Me and Akaashi didn’t get along when we joined the same entertainment company.”

”Really?” Tsukishima questioned, raising an eyebrow at Akaashi.

”Yeah. We got along during college, but within the short time we didn’t see each other, he must have grown a grudge on me or something,” Kuroo explained as he took a swig if the drink, “When he joined the band, he looked like he was ready to swing at me.”

Oh.

That was probably Tsukishima’s doing. At least Akaashi was quick to make a convincing reason. 

Akaashi sighed, “What can I say? You and Kenma won the last music show down by one point... we were so close!”

That part was true. Akaashi and Bokuto barely lost to Kenma and Kuroo on the last music festival before the older ones graduated. Tsukishima had joined the solo competition and came into third place.

”I didn’t expect you to be the type to hold grudges,” Kuroo defended himself. “Why didn’t you go after Kenma too?”

”Kenma isn’t a pain in the ass like you.”

”Hey!”

They went at it again with the bickering. In between, they would continue talking about the college days, while he tried to avoid anything that could confuse Kuroo. Tsukishima just kept going at his drink... eventually he placed down an empty glass. Ugh...

He must have said that “ugh” out loud. 

Akaashi snapped his head towards Tsukishima. He narrowed his eyes at him, looking down at the glass and then back up at Tsukishima, “Another...?” he asked carefully.

Tsukishima shook his head, “Water? Do they have water?”

Kuroo drummed his fingers against the table, “Eh? You can’t tap out now.... three tequila shots over here!”

Akaashi waved his hands around, “No. no shots. Not the shots!”

”Akaashi you can down three rows on your own,” Kuroo smirked, “What about it, Tsukki? Just one shot?”

There it was.

That nickname.

Every memory wandered freely within his mind, some flashes of them appearing in front of his eyes. He squeezed his eyes tightly for a moment, trying his best not to let them overtake him. Control. He had to control them. His was pounding again...

Maybe he could over power them with alcohol? 

”You don’t have to it you don’t want to-“

”No. I’ll do it.”

Akaashi looked at him with bewilderment, “Tsukishima-!”

Tsukishima held up his hand, “I got this.”

Akaashi looked down at his glass of vodka. He sighed softly as the tray of shots came around. The three grabbed their small glasses, Kuroo holding up his for a toast. The other two held up their glasses as well. 

”Cheers for all good things!”

They clinked their glasses together, Kuroo downing it in one go. Akaashi did the same thing, his face scrunching up slightly. Tsukishima looked down at the golden liquid. 

Come on... maybe he could hold more of his weight now than he did in college? 

Tsukishima tilted the glass up, the liquor sliding down his mouth. Tsukishima squeezed his eyes tightly, the bitterness of it burning his throat. He slightly stuck his tongue out as he managed to swallow it. Why did people like this? Too bitter and it burned. The taste of both tequila and beer hung onto his tongue. He looked up at the two. Akaashi was tapping his finger against his glass...

Kuroo was smiling at him. 

"Let it go," Kuroo nodded, "I can see that you're still thinking about it... so just for a moment... let it go. Let it do it’s own thing. "

His head was still pounding, but it was less than before. Almost muffled. 

He could feel his memories slowly settling down. They finally stopped swarming around his mind, the few tangled lines that were around falling down. Let go. For a moment, just let go. Stop resisting...

Let them be free. Resistance would make it harder on himself...

Tsukishima looked at Kuroo once more. The memories stirred around, wanting to cause chaos within his mind again. No. Let them stay. Settle down and stop fighting against them. 

Like a single drop falling in a quiet forest, it was finally quiet in his mind. The flashes of memories came on slowly... it was rather beautiful than traumatic. It was warm and fuzzy. Whenever he looked back at them, it would always be cold and distant. Not this time. For once, he felt nostalgia flood through him rather than the cold breeze of sorrow.

He tapped against his empty glass. Akaashi shook his head, but Tsukishima ignored him. 

”Another shot.”

* * *

10 p.m.

Kuroo and Akaashi watched from the couch in awe as Tsukishima was eating away at a song. After a couple too many drinks, Tsukishima had insisted on going inside the karaoke room The Wishing Well had. They agreed, mostly because Tsukishima kept talking about it. 

Probably because he was drunk.

”You could have told me he was a lightweight,” Kuroo whispered to Akaashi.

”Well, I didn’t think that he was going to drink more!” Akaashi responded, mumbling as he shook his head, “He hates drinking... how did this even happen?”

There were soft neon lights floating around the room. One snacks were in front of them as the watched Tsukishima sing into the mic.

Or...rather rap into the mic.

The karaoke selection was wide. Japanese, Korean, American, Latin, and all sorts of music was on there. Out of all the songs Tsukishima could have picked, he went with the national sensation that is BTS.

To be more specific, it was a mixtape from one of their members. “Agust D” the song. Kuroo bopped his head as Tsukishima went at the highlight of the song, his mouth moving fast as he read across the screen.

”Since when did he know Korean? Or how to rap?” Kuroo asked Akaashi once more.

”I have no idea... but it’s really good.”

As the song ended, Akaashi and Kuroo cheered Tsukishima on. The blond looked pretty proud of himself, pushing his hair back as another song by BTS popped up.

“Crystal Snow”

”Oh! I know this one,” Akaashi jumped up as he grabbed the other mic. Tsukishima high fived Akaashi as they stood at the front of the room. The lights became softer, purple and white dancing across the walls. Kuroo smiled as he clapped at them. 

The song started.

 _”Like how the snow piles up on itself, I want to make sure,”_ Akaashi started off, _“If what you gave me is what gives me courage to go on...”_

Tsukishima picked up with a softer rap, _“We still met despite all the hours that passed, but after it all, how do we do? Did it all go as expected?”_

Tsukishima made eye contact with him, _“What do we do about this uncertain love situation?”_

Kuroo saw a flash of something in front of his eyes.

 _”The world moved faster than I thought... how we gonna change it? We don’t know yet, but surely,”_ they sang together, slowing down once more, _“Love is within in hearts... slowly, it rings and brings me closer to you...”_

Tsukishima took over, the chorus ringing through the speakers, _“I want to hug you one more time, before you disappear...”_

Once more, Tsukishima looked towards him. Another flash appeared.

 _”Wherever you go, the crystal rises up and begins to fly,”_ Akaashi added on.

 _”Hey, I don’t need anything else, just let me be with you a little longer,_ ” they harmonized, _“Can I touch your heart? Even if I want to touch it, it slips through my fingers... someday, someday...”_

Kuroo crossed his legs as the two kept singing. 

_Even a small smile seems forced._

This song... felt like it was calling out to him for some reason. A forced smile... like when he goes out and has to hide because of his status. Kuroo shook his head as more soft flashes appeared, disappearing once he blinked.

_Why do my feelings not give me any answers? How am I gonna find? How? Please let me know!_

Kuroo looked at the two as the sang. Akaashi looked like he was having fun, but once in a while there would be a glimmer of concern in his eyes. Tsukishima...

He looked like he could relate to the song. Ah. It must have reminded him of his past. If only Kuroo hadn’t brought that up in the first place, maybe Tsukishima would have been better off. 

Then again, nothing can be contained forever. It’s terrible to let such emotions boil and build up in a bottle. It was going to explode eventually....

 _”I want to protect you one more time, before you turn in tears!”_ Tsukishima sang out, his voice steadily rising, _“A crystal that can’t be reached no matter how much you wish...”_

 _“Even a hundred years down the line, I want my next step to be with you, can I be your one?”_

Tsukishima glanced at him at that line. 

Akaashi continued, _“The snowy night sky has not a single star... someday, someday...”_

There was another rap. Kuroo swayed along as Akaashi took his shot at it. For a second, he looked towards Tsukishima’s direction.

His eyes looked like a bright sky, the reflection of the purple lights making it seem like a galaxy was floating within them. Kuroo watched as Tsukishima gripped his mic.

 _”The loving warmth starts to dissolve into a melody,”_ Akaashi softly sang. He turned towards Tsukishima with a smile.

 _”This warmth that I’m sure of,”_ Tsukishima sang, his voice progressively getting louder, _“Please continue into eternity!”_

Kuroo’s eyes widened at the high note. The room suddenly became brighter...

 _”I want to hug you one more time, before you disappear,”_ they sang together, _“The crystal rises up and behind flying to grant a wish...”_

“Hit that triple high note, Kei!” Akaashi shouted as he continued.

Kuroo felt like the world slowed down for a moment. 

Tsukishima grasped his mic, bending over as he hit the first note. Eb5. He went up as he got to the second. F5. Finally... he threw his head back as he hit that beautiful G5 note. The lights behind Tsukishima pulsed as he dragged the note on, his hair slightly wavering and the frames threatening to slip away form the bridge of his nose. 

Woah.

So this was Yellow Mind. 

A man in his twenties who is pained by his past and lets everything out within his music. His memories though... they covered half of his potential. It was like all of his struggling against those repented feeling had taken a major toll on the positive aspects in life. Music was his escape method from it... and for once, he sang out a bright and clear note. There was no subtle sadness...

It was his raw emotions. It was everything he had contained.

Tsukishima could really be at his one-hundred and ten percent if he healed from everything. He could incorporate all of his emotions, not just despair, into his music. He would able to freely use his platform, maybe even producing something happy for himself.

Akaashi went up to Kuroo, "I'm going to take care of something," he pointed to his phone, "Make sure Tsukishima doesn't blackout. If he happens to say anything strange, let me know, okay?"

Kuroo nodded as Akaashi left the room. Kuroo look back to the front, but Tsukishima wasn't there. Huh? Did he leave? Oh no... he heard that Tsukishima was the talkative and sentimental type. He could say the wrong things to the wrong people-!

"Are you having fun?"

Kuroo looked to his right side, meeting with Tsukishima's eyes. The golden irises stared at him behind the frames, They lightly searched up and down his face, his eyelids moving unevenly. There was a line of red across his face. Tsukishima lightly smiled, but his eyes didn't match the expression on his face.

There was something strange... almost like a certain type of longing.

"It was fun," Kuroo responded as he uncrossed his legs.

"Did you have fun?" Tsukishima repeated, his hand reaching up to Kuroo's face.

"Tsukki?"

There was a sudden warmth on his left cheek. Kuroo's eyes slightly widened as he properly looked at Tsukishima. His eyes were softening, the gleam within them dying down to a gentle light. Tsukishima's fingers and palm tenderly held his cheek, occasionally sweeping under his eye or grazing his chin.

"Hm? Do you know how much it hurts?" Tsukishima murmured, "You just left me... just like that."

Oh.

Did Tsukishima think that Kuroo was his past lover?

"So did you have fun? Did you at least have fun while we were together?" Tsukishima continued, "Remember? We would always stay late, producing music, playing on our guitars, and even painting sometimes. Although... you were a terrible painter," he laughed, "Just awful."

Kuroo laughed a little, "Was it really that bad?"

"Yes! It was just a bunch of colorful scribbles into a ball," he continued, "I ended up using it though. I took a picture of the art we did... and that first painting you made is the cover of my first mini album. I just added a few touch ups."

"What else would you two do?"

Tsukishima touched his fringe, "We would go to a soda shop called "Sally's". I hate drinking," he hiccuped, "Orange cream for you and a root beer float for me. We would walk in the park, go busking, go to the library... we did a lot of simple things."

His face dropped slightly. Tsukishima applied some pressure to Kuroo's cheek.

"So why did you leave?" his voice wavered.

Kuroo stayed silent.

"Was I boring? Was it because my anxiety would set you back? Or was it because you wanted fame?" Tsukishima questioned, his eyes still searching, "You always dealt with me silently... if I was that much of a handful, you could have at least said something. I spent years thinking of you. You still mean a lot to me... even if everything within me is breaking. And even if you may never remember."

"Tsukishima..."

"Do you know why I'm holding on?" he softly spoke, "Do you know why?"

"Why?"

"I don't want to forget," Tsukishima simply stated, "Everything we had was sweet... especially considering how I am. I'm a shut in. I bottle my own emotions. I was someone cold and I could care less about anyone. Until you. You helped with my music, you told me that it was okay to share emotions, you showed me so much. So much. I was becoming a better person."

Tsukishima placed his other hand on the opposite side, "You didn't change a single bit. Same stupid haircut, same face, same charming eyes... I bet that even your hands are the same. Still cold as ever. Your hands never could warm up. The only thing that change was... your mind. Fame? You never chased after that... you always said that you would end up losing your love of music down that road."

Now it felt like he was giving Kuroo a reality check.

"What's going to happen? Am I going to see you walking down the red carpet with a famous girl singer by your side? The next hottest headline: you and a blonde singer, together. First comes love then comes marriage. Famous couple... it's all for publicity. Your life will come to that eventually. You'll never be able to love who you want to because of your contract. You'll never be able to do what you want... you're tied to the company. I know that."

Tsukishima sat straight up, his face inches away from Kuroo's.

"But I'm still holding onto you," he whispered, "I know that the real guy I fell for is in there.. I know he is. The one who was wild and free with his music... not someone who goes on stage and acts as some sort of sex appeal. Just visuals. You're not enjoying it... I know your real face when you play music. You on the stage... isn't the real one. I want to see that carefree smile again, not one worrying about their voice cracking or a wrong chord. I'm willing... to wait. As long as I can."

Kuroo felt Tsukishima press a kiss to his cheek. His eyes widened in surprise.

"Maybe you'll never remember the times we had... but I'll still try to coax them out somehow. I'll try to bring back your memories. If that doesn't work... I can just start over. Build new ones to replace the old ones that are causing pain. I bet that I'm going to bite on my own words later... but I'll still try. I don't want to break down again every time I see you."

Why... why did it feel like Tsukishima was really talking to him?

"So wait for me, and I'll wait for you," he moved his hands away from his cheeks. One of his hand lifted up, pointing to his forehead, Tsukishima's finger gently pressed against it. 

"I'm still in there somewhere."

His head started to pound. Kuroo grunted slightly as he ignored the pain, focusing his attention back on Tsukishima. His hand had fallen away from his face, his whole body slumped over the couch. Kuroo frowned.

"Oh Tsukki... I didn't know it was that hard," he murmured, "Don't worry. That guy... I'm sure he had a logical reason. We'll figure it out."

Akaashi popped in, "Bokuto is already outside."

Kuroo nodded. He stood up, squatting down for a moment to hoist Tsukishima over his back. Kuroo could feel his soft breathing against his neck. He sighed softly as he followed Akaashi out the door. They soon made it to Bokuto's car, driving them back to their destination. While Akaashi was in the front seat, Kuroo was sitting in the back with Tsukishima. The blond's glasses were sliding down. Kuroo gently pushed them back up, trying not to wake him up. Kuroo simply watched him stir around, Tsukishima's body completely relaxed as they drove on.

So this was Tsukishima Kei.

A man in his late twenties who lingers on his past. He dearly missed the person who changed him, and is still searching for an answer to why it happened. He enjoyed soda shops and painting. He strongly believes in music that all parties can enjoy. And above all of that...

He was willing to wait and wait for the good things in life to come back. Even after everything he went through... he was still willing to wait for that person.

Kuroo leaned back in the chair, the pounding of his head getting stronger with every passing second. He closed his eyes, hoping to sleep it off. Kuroo could practically hear his blood boiling within him from how much his head was thumping. 

At least he found out some new things. Kuroo felt a million questions run through his head... but one of them was more prominent than the other.

His relationship with the company was pretty tied together... but there were somethings that really did tie him down. It wasn’t until Tsukishima started to rant about fame that a question came to mind.

Was he really that unhappy at _Viper Entertainment_? 

And more importantly...

Who was that person in Kuroo’s broken flashbacks of memories?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like it when you guys get into the story. It makes me feel like I managed to get you guys hooked onto it! Although this story has less attention, it’s nice to know that people genuinely enjoy it. Thanks so much for reading!


	10. Superior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Superior - Digital Single  
> From- Viper, 2nd Digital Single
> 
> Look down at me, and I’ll step over you  
> Let’s go and see, what will happen when I’m done through and through  
> Superior in every way, don’t you dare think that you’re at the top  
> It’s me who will never go away, I’ll watch as you fall away from me and drop

_It was strangely calm again. The library was closed, but Kuroo had the keys. He allowed himself and one other person in. Kuroo was sitting at one of the tables, his chin resting in his hand as he watched someone sweep their hands over paper. The smudged pastel colors and charcoal covered the other person’s hands. There was a thick black ring on the right hand that was dusted with pastel. Kuroo glanced over at the paper, eyeing a drawing of what seemed to be a galaxy._

_”Don’t smudge the table,” Kuroo warned, “They’ll kill me if they find their tables smeared with art supplies”_

_”You’re the one who told me to work in here since the art room is closed,” the person muttered, “You also said you were lonely. What? Can’t take a few minutes of solo time?”_

_”Come on now firefly, I just missed you,” he smiled._

_”First off, don’t call me that,” the person held his finger up, “And secondly, I literally see you after school at the studio. You act like we’re a couple or something.”_

_Kuroo fell silent for a moment._

_”Hello? Are you still there rooster head?”_

_Kuroo felt the person’s hand press against his face. He glanced towards his direction. There was practically a smirk on the blurred figure, who was waving his hands around._

_”Maybe that will wake you up,” the person pointed to his face. Kuroo furrowed his eyebrows, taking out his phone and opening the camera.  
_

_”Are you kidding me?” Kuroo laughed, “Really?”_

_There was a charcoal handprint all over his left cheek. The person shook their head, “You were daydreaming... must have started to think about us as a couple. Aw, I’m touched.”_

_”Oh whatever!” Kuroo huffed as he grabbed a stray piece of pastel, rubbing it all over his hand, “Your turn.”_

_”Wait, Kuroo no-!”_

_The person shot up from his seat, running away from Kuroo’s colorful hand. Kuroo grinned as he chased after him, ducking through rows of bookshelves and stands. Kuroo slowed down, walking as carefully as he could._

_There was a hand grabbing the corner of a bookshelf. It was the same black ring. Kuroo slowly approached the corner, his right hand ready to plant a handprint on the person’s face. Within a few seconds, Kuroo caught the person, pulling them toward him. He held them down against him with his free arm, pressing his hand against the person’s face._

_”There!” he chuckled, “Now we’re matching.”  
_

_”Uhm...”_

_Kuroo has only realized how close they were. He could feel the person’s rhythmic heartbeat against his chest. There was a steady rise and fall, the person fiddling around with his black ring. Kuroo felt heat rising to his cheeks..._

_”Sorry,” Kuroo murmured as he let go of the person._

_”We’re even now, it’s fine,” the person mumbled, still fidgeting with the ring, “I’ll finish up and then you can close the library.”_

_Kuroo watched the back of the person fade away as he walked away. When he reached up to touch his cheeks, they were burning. He kept looking back up at the person, who was straying further and further away._

_He softly smiled to himself._

_Looks like he found someone._

* * *

Kuroo slowed opened his eyes, grogginess washing over him as light broke into the room. He rolled over in his bed, groaning as he looked at his side.

So... he liked someone back then? 

Firefly, a black ring... there had to be more to find in order to make a clear judgement. 

As Kuroo looked down at the floor, his eyes narrowed. There was someone on his floor? Who-?

”Eh?” he muttered, “What are you doing here?”

Tsukishima was sleeping on his floor, his glasses next to him. He was all curled up, a blanket over him as his body softly rose up and down. Midnight was curiously walking around him, getting closer and closer to Tsukishima face.

”Midnight!” Kuroo whispered, “No!”

The cat rubbed her head against Tsukishima’s face, purring as she stretched out. Kuroo tilted his head. Huh. She was never that affectionate with him. Midnight even gave a small lick on Tsukishima’s cheek, meowing as she settled herself next to him. Tsukishima's eye twitched slightly, moving his head away from Midnight. The cat simply readjusted herself to be near him. 

Soon, Tsukishima's eyelids opened, his gaze directly looking into Midnight's face.

"Oh.... hey," Tsukishima murmured, an underlying dazed tone. He lifted his hand to scratch Midnight's head, the little black cat purring at the touch. Tsukishima blinked multiple times, "A cat? I don't remember getting a cat," he yawned. Tsukishima started to look around, "This doesn't look like my room either..."

Tsukishima picked up his glasses, placing them over his face. He looked up at Kuroo, his eyes immediately doubling the size. Any sort of grogginess had been wiped off of his face. Tsukishima's mouth opened and closed. Kuroo held back a laugh.

"You look like a goldfish," Kuroo smiirked, "Also... good morning."

Tsukishima, sat up, "Oh no. What did I do? What did you do? Did I say anything weird? Why am I here? Don't tell me that I got all sentimental again, that happens a lot," he started rambling on, "I assume that I blacked out... but I shouldn't be here-!"

Tsukishima suddenly slapped his hand over his mouth, "... Where's the bathroom?"

Kuroo gestured to the door, "Open the door and it's the room right in front of this one."

He got up, staggering his way out of the room and to the bathroom. Kuroo sighed as he finally got out of bed. He stretched out his arms, walking over to the door frame of his room. Kuroo winced as he heard gagging from the bathroom. 

Note to self: no bars next time. 

Kuroo turned out of his room, going straight to the kitchen. Kenma was there, heating up some lunches and brewing coffee. A bottle of aspirin was also out on the table. Midnight had also followed him out of the room, prancing her way over to her food bowls.

Unexpectedly, Oikawa and Iwaizumi were there too. For some reason, their eyes were wide as they looked over back into the hallway.

"Tetsu-chan," Oikawa sweetly spoke up, "Our dear leader... do you have anything you want us to know?"

"Huh?" Kuroo cocked his eyebrow, "No..?"

Iwaizumi pointed back to the bathroom, "Why is YM here? And more importantly... why is he coming out of your room?"

Kenma sighed heavily, "I already explained to them, but they really won't listen.... and by "they" I mean Oikawa," he grumbled as he pushed back his hair, "They want to hear it from your own mouth."

"Oh, Tsukki?" Kuroo gestured to the hallway, “We went out for drinks... I don’t exactly remember how he got here, but nothing weird went down.”

”Long story short, Tsukishima left his keys behind, there was no spare to his apartment, Yamaguchi was caught in a late night photo job, and Bokuto left Tsukishima and you here since Akaashi was starting to get hit hard,” Kenma quickly explained. 

Oikawa quirked up his eyebrows, “Oh yeah? Why didn’t you invite us then?”

”It was personal things,” Kuroo pointed out, making his way to find a mug, “Tsukki- I mean, Tsukishima, felt more comfortable around us two than the rest of your guys.”

Oikawa was about to ask more questions, but Iwaizumi was quick to shut him down. Kuroo looked behind him at the sound of the door opening. Tsukishima wiped stuff away from his mouth, his head shaking as he got to the kitchen. Tsukishima paused as he saw everyone in there.

”Uh... good morning,” he spoke politely, “Kozume, nice to see you, it’s been a while. Iwaizumi, Oikawa... a pleasure meeting you two.”

Everyone waved at Tsukishima. The blonde shifted awkwardly in his place, “I’ve... overstayed my welcome. I should get going-“

Kuroo snapped his head towards the entrance of the apartment. The door swung open as Bokuto bursted in, shaking his head vigorously.

”Whatever you do... don’t go outside!” he exclaimed, “Don’t go outside... especially you Tsukki!”

”Bokuto... it’s also been a while,” Tsukishima cautiously spoke, “But... why can’t I go outside?”

”Don’t you people read the tabloids when you wake up?” Bokuto questioned as he pulled out his phone, scrolling through something.

”Bo, not everyone checks everyday to see if any new pictures of them playing the drums were upload,” Kuroo pointed out.

”That’s not my point, but you should. They’re really high quality pictures,” Bokuto sighed, turning his phone around to face Tsukishima and Kuroo, “Anyway... this is what I mean!”

Tsukishima and Kuroo leaned forward, narrowing their eyes at a tabloid. There was a picture of them leaving the bar... Tsukishima in his back and everything. There was another one of Bokuto helping the other three into the apartment complex.

HEADLINE: TRULY NEON AND YELLOW MIND?! SCANDAL OR SOON TO BE NEXT BIG HIT?   
_Last night around 10 p.m., Kuroo Tetsurou, the leader of Truly Neon, was seen carrying a drunken and passed out Tsukishima Kei, also known as YELLOW MIND. Akaashi Keiji and Bokuto Koutarou, the band’s drummer and keyboardist, were also at the scene. It was later shown that they four had returned to Truly Neon’s complex. Is this just a way to get connections or is there something bigger going on between them? Viper Entertainment and Fly High Entertainment have yet to confirm and reports.  
_

“Well shit,” the two said at the same time. Tsukishima stood up straight, heading towards the window that faced the street. The moment he peeked out, he immediately pulled the blinds back.

”I am so sorry,” he apologized, “There are... a lot of cameras out there. I shouldn’t have gone-“

”It’s not your fault,” Kuroo reassured, “I shouldn’t have asked you to take the shot. If I had known you didn’t like to drink, I would have offered something else.”

Akaashi came in the room later, his was stricken as he faced the two, “We’re dead. This is it... they’re going to catch us! If this isn’t enough evidence for the director then what else would be?!”

”Akaashi it’s okay,” Bokuto looped his arm around him, “There isn’t any signs of us being together in the photo... the ones we do have to worry about are Tsukki and Kuroo.”

Akaashi and Bokuto have been dating behind the company’s back. The dating ban was extended towards people in the company as well, with the exception of a few artists. It was only reasonable for Akaashi to be worried about it... everything would be on the line if they found out about it. 

Everyone’s phones buzzed.

” _Office. Now._ ”

All of the band members sighed. Here we go... let’s see if they’ll have to face the devil himself or one of his helpers. 

”Tsukishima, you can go out the back door,” Kenma offered, “I’m sure your main producer would want to speak to you.”

Tsukishima nodded, “He’ll understand once I explain. I just don’t know how your producers would react. I apologize in advance for the problems.”

Kuroo waved his hand, “Again, not your fault. Go on... we’ll talk about work later if all goes well.”

Kenma led Tsukishima out of the apartment. That’s funny... he didn’t mention anything about what he said yesterday. Maybe he forgot about it...

He could think about that later. There was a bigger issue on the table.

”Alright, everyone get your things... we’re going to have to have a few words with our beloved directors.”

* * *

It was rather tense.

All of the band members say across from a giant desk, the light coming in through the window hitting their faces. Almost everyone was fiddling around with their fingers or rings, their eyes following a moving shadow. The only person who was calm was Oikawa. He absolutely despised this director.

The title: Director, producer, Ushijima Wakatoshi. 

“You’re all having a comeback next month... yet you get yourself on the front page? For being drunk?” Ushijima’s voice rumbled, “How foolish.”

Kuroo cleared his throat, “With all due respect... this was my fault. We simply wanted to go out to discuss some words. That’s all.”

Ushijima narrowed his eyes, moving them towards Akaashi and Bokuto, “And you two? Anything going on?”

”No,” they responded.

”All of you know very well what’s under the contract,” Ushijima continued, “Other than Oikawa and Iwaizumi, we shouldn’t be finding any of you for such scandals. Our reputation is always on the line. Considering that the leader of our band is in this... it can’t be covered easily.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes, “It’s not that big of a problem. There are always artists out there getting drunk... and they’ve done worse things! The boys were simply taking care of a friend... is it that hard for you to understand?”

”Easy Oikawa. It’s not like you’re out of the field either.”

Kuroo slightly turned his head towards a chair in the corner. The other director was there.

The title: Director, Main Choreographer, Sakusa Kiyoomi. 

Or should he say.... Ushijima Kiyoomi.

By far the youngest to take on a company and the two who started their careers at a very young age, it was always speculated that their relationship has bloomed from yet another publicity stunt. Ushijima’s father happened to own half of _Viper Entertainment,_ which allowed the two to seize power and take over. Sakusa had not taken Ushijima’s last name when it came to business, but everyone knew that he was an Ushijima. 

That wasn’t who he was worried about though...

”Because of you and Iwaizumi, some of our profits have been dropping,” Sakusa sighed, “Not everyone enjoys you having a boyfriend.”

Iwaizumi crosses his arms, “Yet you still promote us like some show.”

Sakusa chuckled, “As I said, only some people aren’t happy. Be expecting more phot jackets soon... we need to push down this scandal somehow.”

Oikawa and Iwaizumi sighed.

”All in all,” Sakusa stood up, “You all know the rules very well. As long as it’s kept in mind, nothing wrong will happen-“

”And what if we break them?”

Everyone turned to look at Kuroo. Ushijima and Sakusa froze on their places. 

Kuroo had his fists clenched, “So? What will happen if we break them?” 

There was a laugh that rang in his ear behind him. Chills ran up Kuroo’s spine, but his lips sneered back. The others froze, their eyes wide. He knew who that was...

”Ah, Kuroo. Tetsu... you really want to know what will happen if you break the rules?” someone spoke, drumming his fingers against the back of Kuroo’s chair.

The title: CEO, main producer, shareholder... Daishou Suguru. Obtaining the other half of the power through his family as well. 

The one he was worried about.

Daishou went around them, making his way to sit in the empty chair across the desk, “Well... we’ll have to terminate your contracts... unless you’re willing to bargain to keep what you want.”

Daishou glanced towards them, “But... considering the fact that you’re one of our most popular bands, we have to be extra careful,” he stuck out his tongue, “You know fans: they give into the delusion that they’ll end up with one of you someday. They’re devoted and loving because of it. Why do you think Silver Lining is how it is?”

Everyone averted their eyes.

”Kita... that guy doesn’t understand,” Daishou said as he flicked something away from his desk, “You don’t want to end up like them, right? You don’t want a fake image to become reality, right?”

There were some murmurs of “no”, but most of them stayed silent.

”Truly Neon can be gone in an instant,” Daishou harshly pointed out, “I already allowed Oikawa and Iwaizumi slip by... I even allowed Kozume to grow out his hair, despite the stylists wanting to cut it short for your image.”

Akaashi narrowed his eyes, “You know why Kenma grows it out... I doubt you’d even care what would happen to him if it was short.”

Kenma grows his hair out because he gets anxious when his field of vision is too wide. If he were to cut it... it wouldn’t be easy for him in concerts.

Daishou cocked his eyebrow, “Who says I don’t care for mental health? We provide the best resources for our artists.”

Well they did have counselors and social workers... but what they did just cancelled that out.

”What I’m trying to say is that if we lose you four,” he gestured to everyone minus Oikawa and Iwaizumi, “Profits are sure to drop dead bottom. Especially if it’s Kuroo and Bokuto. You two are the other faces of the band... you don’t want to bring everyone down along with you, right?”

Kuroo felt his head starting to pound again.

”So, Kuroo.... that’s what will happen if you break the rules,” Daishou ended, “I’ll see what I can do about today’s headlines. As for the collaboration... make sure you finish quickly. We don’t want anymore trouble. You’re all dismissed.”

Everyone left the office, a worried and frustrated air hanging around them. Kuroo was the last one to exit, looking back for a moment as the closed the door behind him. Daishou wore a grave face, but his smirk was still plastered on his lips. Sakusa and Ushijima looked unsettled, but they still stood faithfully behind Daishou. 

He was just reminded of how much he hated the CEO.

Kuroo's eye twitched on it's own. Daishou Suguru. Such a snake... he only rose to the top because of the power of his family. Unlike Sakusa and Ushijima who shed blood, sweat, and tears for most of their lives to get to their position, Daishou was a singer who completely relied on auto tune. Nothing against auto tune... but the guy really couldn't sing. No wonder why he only stuck to EDM tracks or made someone sing for him behind the scenes. 

Yet he acted to high and mighty around true artists. He acted like he was superior... just because he was the superior head of the company. He oppressed them... even nit picking on how they look. Ugh!

Kuroo stopped in his tracks.

If he hated Daishou that much... then why did he sign up for this company?

"Agh!" Kuroo yelped as his head really started to hurt. It practically burned, his blood He grabbed his head with both of his hands, slowly walking forward as he made his way down to his studio. By the time he made it back, he barely managed to sit down before his body collapsed over him. Kuroo breathed heavily as he held his head, his body grimacing at the sudden waves of pain. There were white flashes in front of his eyes, He gripped the keyboard that was near him, broken notes coming out as ringing as he did so. 

His memories... he always thought that they were just fine, but clearly they were trying to piece themselves together. It was like there were fragments of them that were gone. It's not like he had short term memory or anything. But he had never stepped a foot into "The Brain". 

The person in those flashbacks... the company... his purpose...

Why were his memories formed this way? 

His head was on the verge of exploding. Kuroo squeezed his eyes shut. If he kept thinking about it, his head would only keep aching. Stop. Stop. Let it go... let it go!

Kuroo's phone buzzed. 

Ah. 

His headache fell away for a moment.

Tsukishima sent him an address for them to work in. It happened to be the college they all went to. It was secluded from the city. He must have realized that their companies would be swarmed with reporters and cameramen. Kuroo gently tapped his head after he shot a quick response.

Music would never change for him. It would always be something that would help him relieve of stress. He threw in some notebooks and his headphones in his bag. Kuroo also grabbed his guitar, placing it into his old guitar case. He should probably get the embroidery done again. "Rather be dead than cool" was fraying away. 

He zipped everything up, swinging his case on his back, while his backpack on on the front of his body. 

There was another reason why he should go back there.

Maybe he could find some more memory pieces in the place where it seemed that everything started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> We’re almost at 400 reads ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡


	11. Nostalgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nostalgia - improvised song  
> From: Kuroo Tetsurou and Tsukishima Kei
> 
> Something is written within the walls  
> Laughter and cheers ringing down the halls  
> In some different life, maybe we were meant to be  
> No inconveniences, just you and me in peace  
> It’s kinda nostalgic, how years ago  
> We felt so familiar, taking everything slow  
> Now I can’t find you, where are you buried, where do you hide?  
> Don’t worry, I’ll be right here, waiting for the day when you’ll be by my side.

” _It’s okay... we can still fix it.”_

_Back at studio three, the tables have turned. This time, is was Tsukishima trying his best to comfort a despaired Kuroo. They were staring down at a ripped guitar case, the embroidery completely ruined. Kuroo had an open mic event to attend to. He couldn’t just run out into the streets with his guitar being unprotected. Instruments were fragile things.  
_

_”It’s no use,” Kuroo mumbled, lightly kicking the case, “We can’t just sow everything back together... I don’t even know how to sow!”_

_Kuroo groaned as he ran his hands through his hair, ruffling it as he kept muttering about the case. Tsukishima looked around the studio, searching for anything._

_Of course!_

_Tsukishima spun around in his chair, grabbing his own guitar case. He took out his guitar and left it on a stand. It was the same brand and color... all he needed was the embroidery._

_”Where is that white spool and needle?” Tsukishima asked._

_Kuroo looked over at Tsukishima’s guitar case, “No... don’t do that. That case belongs to you-“_

_”Look. Do you want to go with a case that has your “lucky lyric” or not?”_

_Reluctantly, Kuroo handed over the thread and needle he brought in for the attempt of saving the ripped case. Tsukishima knew some embroidery... hopefully he could pull this off. How hard could it be?  
_

_He carefully sketched out the words on the black case: “rather be dead than cool”. Tsukishima threaded the string through the needle, poking it through the first letter. His eye twitched as he pricked his finger with the needle._

_”You really don’t have to do that-“_

_”I have to return the favor of the song you started for me somehow, right?” Tsukishima reminded as he went back to etching out the letters._

_After a few short minutes, the line was embroidered onto the case. His fingers were all pricked, but he still did it. The letters were a little bit crooked, but it added a nice touch.  
_

_”There,” he sighed as he handed it over to Kuroo, “Fresh case, fresh embroidery.”_

_Kuroo’s fingers brushed over the embroidery, “This looks great!” he smiled, “I really owe you one Tsukki!”_

_”Alright then,” Tsukishima responded as he put away the thread and needle, “You gotta get going. You’ll be late for your open mic.”_

_”Why can’t you come though?” Kuroo pouted, “I’d play better if you were there.”  
_

_”I can’t,” Tsukishima sighed softly, “I really have to finalize this song before anything else. Maybe next time.”_

_Kuroo grabbed his guitar and placed it inside the case, “If you say so...”_

_Tsukishima watched as Kuroo walked out of the studio, his guitar case lugging behind him as he sulked away. He tried to go back to work on his song, but..._

_Kuroo had still had dejection on his face when he left._

_”Oh come on,” he told himself, “It’s not like he’s never going to perform again. I can always watch him another time...”_

_He leaned back in his chair. Kuroo’s had seen one of his performances before... but Tsukishima had never gone to one of Kuroo’s..._

_Oh whatever. The song finalization could wait._

  
_After a short drive, Tsukishima made it to the location of the open mic.  
_

_Oh._

_It was Sally’s, the soda shop they would go to after long days in the studio. Tsukishima had introduced Kuroo to the shop. He didn’t know that they would have an open mic session..._

_Tsukishima parked his car, stepping outside and going into the shop. There were a decent amount of people sitting around the tables and counters. A soft light shined on the mic and stool._

_The owner herself stepped up to the mic, “What a lovely performance! Now please welcome another amazing singer- who happens to be one of my favorite customers as well- Kuroo Tetsurou!”_

_Tsukishima day himself on a stool near the counter. The owner made her way over to him, “Hey Tsukishima, I didn’t know you would be here!”_

_“I didn’t plan on coming here in the first place,” Tsukishima murmured, his gaze fixed in Kuroo as he was preparing himself._

_”Oh?” the owner asked as she looked over to Kuroo, “Did you come because of your boyfriend?”_

_Tsukishima sputtered, “B-boyfriend?” he half laughed, “No... he’s just someone I know. He insisted that I had to see this for some reason.”  
_

_Tsukishima looked back at Kuroo, who was looking around the crowd. He made dead on contact with him, a smile appearing on his face. Kuroo turned back to his mic, tapping it gently to make sure it was still on._

_”Good evening to all,” Kuroo grinned, “I’ll be playing an original song for you, “Orange Soda”. Please enjoy!”_

_Everyone clapped as Kuroo strummed down on his strings to make sure it was tuned. Hm. “Orange Soda”. That’s what he would always order when they came around here._

_”On a summers day, there’s nothing that I would rather have,” Kuroo started, “To be by the bay, with a glass of soda in hand... but recently, there’s something else on my mind, what could it be? What could make me go so blind?”_

_Tsukishima felt his foot tap to the rhythm._

_”A glass of orange soda, bubbling, just like my heart whenever it’s near you,” Kuroo continued, “The summer heat is gone, refreshing winds swoop by, won’t you come and just be mine? The summer eve will always twinkle if we can relax and chill with that bubbly, fizzling thing we call love.”_

_Kuroo stared over at him, the smile softening as he continued the song. His voice was rather deep, but it was still soothing to the ears. People were swaying slowly to the light tune. The owner leaned over the counter to him, “Looks to me like he wanted you to hear this for a certain reason.”_

_Tsukishima shook his head, “You don’t think... no. He couldn’t be.”_

_The owner laughed lightly, “Your mind may be telling you one thing, but your face says another.”_

_Tsukishima’s hands flew up to his face, a sudden warmth over them. Haha... that was ridiculous! No. He couldn’t possibly like Tsukishima..._

_The song continued, still sweet and soothing as ever. Tsukishima kept his eyes on Kuroo, not being able to tear his eyes away from him._

_There was something captivating about the way he performed... it was charismatic. It just made someone feel the need to sing and dance along to his words... comforting even. Even the way Kuroo played around with his notes and chords... it was all very intriguing. It was like drawing moths in with a light._

_Still... why would Kuroo ever like someone like Tsukishima? Or maybe he was just jumping into conclusions..._

_As the song ended, Kuroo thanked those who listened to him. He bounded his way over to Tsukishima, that grin on his face as he stopped next to him._

_”Tsukki! You really did come,” Kuroo happily exclaimed, looping his arm around his shoulders to shake him, “I knew you would show up!”  
_

_”Well, only because you were sulking out,” Tsukishima huffed, pushing up his glasses._

_Kuroo smiled at him, “So? What did you think of the song?”_

_“It was nice,” Tsukishima replied, “Who knew you were that deeply in love with orange soda.”  
_

_The owner shook her head, “Let me go get you two some floats. It’s on the house today,” she winked as she walked to the back of the store._

_The two thanked her. Kuroo kept glancing towards him, as if he wanted to say something. Tsukishima just shifted awkwardly in his seat, Kuroo’s arm still looked around him._

_The warmth in his cheeks wouldn’t go away either. He felt a red alarm going off in his head, telling him not to get ahead of himself. His chest said something else... it was beating furiously. Oh come on... he's only known him for around a month or two. Isn't that a little soon? Despite all his reasoning against it, his heart happily thumped against his chest. The warmth was rising to his ears...._

_Now when did that happen?  
_

_When did he fall for him?_

_Tsukishima didn’t know, but it had happened rather quickly._

_That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing._

* * *

"You're dead," he muttered to himself as he tuned the instruments, the memory fading away, "Out of all places... it just had to be here?!"

Sendai University of the Fine and Performing Arts. Five hours away from Tokyo. Tsukishima was in the music hall, back in studio number three. Since Ukai had connections here because of his father, they had managed to snag a studio to work in until the whole situation settled down. He had just gotten here, but Kuroo was in it for a long trip. Even in the bullet train, it took two hours to get to Sendai. Maybe he should have texted him before he got here... that way they could have at least arrived at the same time.

Then again... he didn't feel like facing him after all that happened yesterday.

Tsukishima cringed, "I can't believe I got drunk... why did I take that shot? Why did I keep taking them?"

He remembered everything quite clearly.

Blabbering on about missing him, telling him how he would wait, telling him that he would awaken his memories... he even kissed Kuroo's cheek! And what did that guy do? Nothing. He didn't even mention anything about it in the morning. It would be better if he forgot about it.... but if he did remember then he was pretending not to know. Hopefully he just took it as Tsukishima being delusional.

But if he didn't?

Tsukishima turned to the keyboard that was there, playing across some chords. He always turned to music in his worst moments. Improvised songs... that was his way of de-stressing. 

"Drunken state, my mouth runs off," he softly sang to himself, "I say stupid shit, I hope it made you scoff. Please don't take it seriously, the things I say under the influence are a mystery. I didn't mean it.... I didn't-"

He dragged his hands across the keyboard. That was a lie. Everything that spilled out the other day were the things he had pent up for years. He really wanted to stop his head from hurting, and he did want to somehow fix everything.

The question was how was he going to do it?

Tsukishima had never read a single book in which memory erasure was reversed. There were stories and articles of it, but most of they were buried deep in lost archives. It was as if people were hiding it on purpose. 

He sighed. Maybe he should actually start making the arrangement before Kuroo got here. He didn't even get a chance to do anything because of the whole drinking event- which he would rather forget right now.

After an hour or so of messing around with the keyboard, synths, and a guitar, Tsukishima had made some sort of arrangement. He kept replaying it, attentively listening to every single detail in it. It turned out to be the soft rock he was going for... but there was some sort of undertone in it. It got progressively louder as it was planned, but for some reason it sounded... distant. Rather than a cry of anguish, it was more of a yearning tone. Like someone reading over old diary entries-

Oh.

It was him.

He had just thrown his current thoughts into the song. The fact that he was back in the place where everything bloomed must have added even more to the song. Tsukishima shook his head. He should have done this with a clear mind. Tsukishima leaned over to the drawer under the setup, looking for a new storage card. 

"Oh?" Tsukishima said out loud, "What's this doing here?"

Tsukishima picked up a small item from the inside of the drawer. It was his ring. The thick black ring that he had always worn during college. There were some faded paint stains from when he forgot to take it off in art class. Tsukishima looked down at his right hand. The only reason he left it behind was because...

He replaced it with something that Kuroo gave him.

On his middle finger, there was a half white and half black ring. The center piece was a bright yellow smiley face. It was originally Kuroo's ring. There was a promise behind it, but it wouldn't really matter at this point. A promise is only complete if the other half was complete, but who knew if Kuroo even had the item he gave him. 

Tsukishima shoved the black ring in his pocket. No time to think about that. He had to fix this to match the album theme. Tsukishima turned back to the computer, pressing down on the space bar. The more he listened to it... the more it sounded-

"Nostalgic."

Tsukishima spun his chair around, facing the entrance of the studio. Kuroo stood there with his bags, a cup holder in his hands, "The train got here early. Looks like we'll have more time to work."

"It's booked for the whole day," Tsukishima pointed out. He eyed the americano that was in the holder, "Is that for me?"

Kuroo looked down at it, "Nah. They're both for me."

"Alright, but you better not waste a drop of that," Tsukishima nagged, "Knowing your sweet tooth, you're going to choke on the extra espresso shots-"

"I'm kidding!" Kuroo laughed, moving into the room and placing the cup holder down on an empty table. He shrugged off his bags, gently placing them down on the floor. He picked up his guitar case again, taking out his instrument and placing it on a stand. Kuroo frowned as he stared at his case, his finger brushing across the embroidery. Tsukishima narrowed his eyes at it...

It was still the same bag. 

"The writing is fraying," Kuroo mumbled, "I don't exactly remember where I got it done, but I can't make it the same. See?" he pointed out to the words, "They're just a little crooked and some are higher than the others. I liked that... it gave it a rugged look."

Tsukishima turned back to the drawer. Was it still there?

It was.

Tsukishima pulled out the white spool and a needle, "Give it here."

Kuroo looked up at Tsukishima as he was threading the needle, "Oh. You don't have to do that. I'm pretty sure I can just get it done somewhere else..."

"Why do that when I can do it for free?" Tsukishima lifted his eyebrow, taking the case away from Kuroo's hands, "I've done this before. Once it's finished, it'll look just the same as it was before. In the meantime, you can listen to the arrangement... although, I'm going to make serious adjustments to it."

Tsukishima undid the old embroidery, grabbing a nearby pencil and sketching the words out again. He poked the needle through the layout, etching away at the black case. After a few minutes, the embroidery was back to being good as new. It even looked the same as it did before. Tsukishima looked back up at Kuroo. His eyebrows would furrow and then relax. His foot was tapping against the floor, and his hands were making gestures to certain parts.

"Not to break you out of your "groove", but I finished," Tsukishima spoke up, gesturing to the case, "Good as new."

Kuroo opened one of his eyes. He stared at the embroidery for a moment, now both of his eyes open as he smiled widely, "It look exactly how it did when I first got it!" he exclaimed as he rolled over to Tsukishima, taking the case back into his hands, "Thanks so much."

Tsukishima nodded, "Now... I know the song sounds different than it was expected, but I'm going to re-do it. It's no where near what your concept is, so-"

"Don't lay a finger on it."

Kuroo's gaze had changed to a completely serious one. There is was. Kuroo's "in-the-zone" mode. That only happened to works that Kuroo was truly dedicated to. The song really wasn't up to the image though...

"I said it sounded nostalgic when I first came in," Kuroo reminded, "Isn't that apart of adulthood too?" 

Tsukishima crossed his arms, "I'm listening."

Kuroo looked up at the ceiling, "Adulthood... it can be a confusing period. That's not all there is to the new period of life though. It's also of remembering and reminiscing. You often look back in life, maybe even going back to certain events or places. Not to mention, you can also learn from your mistakes in the past. You change because of it, but there are also things that stay in your mind forever. There will always be something nostalgic about events, people, or items."

He looked back down at Tsukishima, "Even in this place... there are so many memories from years ago. I still carry them with me."

Tsukishima's felt a light tapping against his head. The memories started to replay in his mind... everything that has happened at studio three.

"So, why not title this, "Nostalgia"?" Kuroo offered, "It may stand out from the rest of the songs, but that's what a collaboration is supposed to do, right?"

Tsukishima scooted his chair next to Kuroo. He pressed against the space bar, the song starting to play again. He closed his eyes, visualizing the song in his mind. He hummed out the rhythm, his head nodding along as a few words came up to his mind.

 _"We were twenty, our lives moving on,"_ he murmured, _"Our young ages are gone, the adult days are upon... us, as we continue down the road to success, but sometimes it's a struggle that causes stress."_

Kuroo nodded, _"In times like this all we can do is turn around to the past we once knew. Let's go back to hanging out, to college, to excitement... to the place where everything started with no doubt."_

They sang at the same time, " _Something is written within the walls, laughter and cheers ringing out in the halls... in some different life, maybe we were meant to be, no inconveniences, just you and me and peace. It's kinda nostalgic, how years ago, we felt so familiar, taking everything slow... now I can't find you, where are you buried? Where do you hide? Don't worry, I'll be right here , waiting for the day when you'll be by my side. Until then, I'll reminisce, on the nostalgic days that we all miss."_

Tsukishima smiled, "Haha! We clicked right away. Just like back-"

He stopped in his tracks. Tsukishima glanced over at Kuroo.

Kuroo was staring at him with a grin, "Wow."

"Wow?"

"I haven't clicked with a producer right away before," Kuroo explained, "That was the first time since... since I was a trainee!" he beamed, "That was great! This is song is going to be amazing. You're-"

A familiar glint was in Kuroo's amber eyes, "Amazing."

The song still played in the background. Tsukishima's eyes widened as the song heightened, the words hitting him right across the face. The same glint that he had when they were dating was even in his eyes. It had been so long since Kuroo said that to him... he would always say that after a school performance.

"Tsukki?" Kuroo broke him out of his reminiscing, "Are you okay?"

It was only then when he realized that his face was streaking with thin tears. Tsukishima wiped them off of his face, "Yeah... it's just that you reminded me of something."

Kuroo sighed softly, "Is it about him?"

"I don't want to bother you with that again... especially after yesterday."

"It's okay. I understand how you feel," Kuroo reassured, "Losing someone in your memories is tough, but that doesn't mean you can't talk about it. Yesterday... I could feel how tormented you were by everything going on. Within the few days I met you though, you've definitely improved a little bit on handling your emotions though. That means that talking it out really did help. So... you can talk to me whenever. I'm always available."

There he goes again. Dealing with his problems even when he wasn't asked to.

Tsukishima shook his head, "I'm just reminiscing... it's the same college we were together in. Nothing that will make me sob hysterically... everything had been getting a little bit better."

"Same college, huh?" Kuroo narrowed his eyes, "Do I know this person? I could go show him a lesson for treating you like-"

"No, no, no," Tsukishima cut off, "He wouldn't even remember anything that happened. You'll just catch yourself as case in court for assault." 

Well, not really, but he couldn't tell Kuroo that he was the person Tsukishima was talking about.

Kuroo leaned back in his chair, "You know since we're talking about nostalgia... I'm starting to think against myself."

"What do you mean?"

"It's mostly because of the company, but.... I just realized how forced this career is. Oikawa and Iwaizumi have photo shoots that promote themselves just for profit, they want to change Kenma's look, they're threatening to disband us if any one of us is caught dating... it's just all too much."

Kuroo pressed his hand against his head, "All of it is giving me a major headache. I just started to question why I'm in that company... why I am in this career? What was the thing that pushed me to join the music industry? I'm trying so hard to find that purpose again..."

Tsukishima rubbed his chin. Kuroo just wanted to make music that comforted other while keeping true to himself....

Aha!

"Since the arrangement is set and we have a few lyrics," Tsukishima pointed out, "Let's go somewhere," he ended as he placed his guitar back in his case. 

"Where?" Kuroo questioned as he also grabbed his guitar.

"There's a busking site right outside here. Haven't you seen it before?" Tsukishima asked, "Almost every college student would come out here to busk and promote themselves. So... why don't we go busking for a bit?"

"I'm not sure... what if they recognize me and mob us?"

"That's why you get some glasses and a cap," Tsukishima pointed out, "You already have the hoodie, so you could just pull it over the cap. Also, this is Sendai. There's the possibility that some people may not recognize you as much as they did in Tokyo." 

Tsukishima reached into his backpack, pulling out a black cap and a pair of round glasses. They were mostly for an accessory, but Kuroo could use them to disguise himself to the best of his ability. He handed them over to Kuroo, "So are you in or not?"

Kuroo stared at the items. He smirked.

"Why not? Let's get this show on the road."

* * *

_“Please don’t say you love me, cause I might not say it back. Doesn’t mean my heart stops skipping when you look at me like that...”_

There was a small crowd around them in the cool afternoon. People were swaying as Kuroo strummed away at his guitar, Tsukishima singing the song that was requested.

”Please Don’t Say You Love Me” by Gabrielle Aplin. 

Surprisingly, none of the people around them had recognized him. A few people went up to Tsukishima for an autograph, but they were pretty respectful around the whole situation. If only all fans could know the lines... he still appreciated and loved them though.

People clapped as the song came to an end. They have been singing for quiet a while now. If either of them wanted to make it back for dinner, they had to be leaving for the bullet train soon. 

”Alright guys, one more song,” Tsukishima spoke out, “Make it count!”

There were a few shouts of song titles. Kuroo looked around the crowd, his attention being drawn towards a person in the back. She seemed to be... crying.

”How about you? In the purple sweater?” Kuroo suggested, “Would you like to hear something?”

Some people stepped aside for the girl to come up to the front, “Uhm... it’s just that I’ve been feeling a little down because of how I am... I just need to hear something to cheer me up,” she whimpered, “Please?”

Oh... insecurities. It was upsetting to see someone so young real with that sort of thing.

Tsukishima looked over at Kuroo, “Have you listened to that one digital single of mine?”

”Which one- oh!” he softly gasped, realizing which one it was, “You got it.”

Kuroo readjusted the guitar on his knee, strumming away at a song that Tsukishima had released.

”To Myself” by YELLOW MIND. A song written for his fans who deal with anxiety, depression, and other difficult situations. 

” _Dearest me, how’s it going? How is your anxiety doing?”_ Tsukishima sang, the lyrics flowing like a letter to his future self, “ _Is it still tangled? Are your thoughts still mangled? Are you thinking about what others don’t know? Are you scared that you’ll become a laughing show?”_

Kuroo joined in, “ _To myself, you are beautiful inside out... you are you, and I am me, no one can change who I’d rather be... to love yourself helps you heal, to trust yourself makes you real. To my dearest self, let’s live properly.”_

People clapped along. Kuroo glanced over at the girl, who’s face was starting to light up. She wiped away her own tears as the song went on. 

” _Dearest me, are you still worried about numbers? Do you imagine your body into artificial wonders? No matter how you look or what you say, you’re perfect the way you are, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”_

They continued, the song lifting the spirits of those around them. Tsukishima continued into the chorus, then the bridge, and finally... the end.

” _Dearest me... I hope you’re doing well. To myself, and sincerely me... let’s meet again soon. I love you.”_

The girl immediately went up to Tsukishima, enveloping him in a hug. There was a choked sob that came out of her mouth, but she was still smiling brightly.

”Thank you so much,” she smiled, “I really need that.”

Tsukishima patted her back, “I really do hope that you’ll take care of yourself.. promise?”

”Of course! I promise I’ll try to love myself... I’ll try my hardest.”

She waved goodbye to them as she walked away. More people started to leave as they thanked everyone for coming. Kuroo stared at Tsukishima, who was taking a few more picture and signing things for fans.

That interaction with the girl was really sweet...

That’s what he wanted to do. 

He wanted people to find comfort in his music. People already did that... but many of their fans went after their looks as well. Tsukishima... he could act like himself, but his fans still stayed around. Not one of them even mentioned the scandal that happened in the morning. They really were so kind... Tsukishima didn’t even have to put up a fake image for them to like him.

Kuroo’s fingers hung in the air as he realized it.

That’s what he wanted.

He wanted to make music as Kuroo Tetsurou.

Not as Kuroo Tetsurou from Truly Neon... just as himself. Not as some person drool over... just as himself. 

”Ah!” he exclaimed as his head started to hurt, something stabbing at his skull. Kuroo almost dropped his guitar because of it...

”Are you okay?” Tsukishima asked.

”Yeah... just a bad on and off headache. I’ll take some medicine once we get back to Tokyo.”

Tsukishima looked unsure, but he turned back to packing up. Look at him go... even with problems of his own, he still cared about others... even if it seemed like he didn’t.

Kuroo and Tsukishima walked side by side as they went to collect the last of their things from the studio. By the time they got to the station, they barely made it for the next train to Tokyo. Kuroo settled himself in his chair, getting ready for the long two hour ride back.

He glances over at Tsukishima, who already had his headphones on. White Sony headphones... his eyes downcast as he looked at the notebook on his lap. He was already scribbling away at the lyrics for “Nostalgia”. The sunlight gently kissed the bridge of his nose, a few sun freckles appearing from it. 

Kuroo didn’t realize that he was smiling at him.

Talented, dedicated, trying his best to stay strong despite everything that happened to him, making time for Kuroo even though he wasn’t kind to him at first...

Tsukishima was someone truly..

Amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear if I knew how to actually produce music, I would really make arrangements for some of these songs ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ
> 
> The summary in this one is my personal favorite :)


	12. Rising Tides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rising tides (ft. Bokuto Koutarou) - track 5  
> From: habit. (Akaashi), 1st solo album 
> 
> God, what have we done? Where will it get us?  
> There’s always a fear with the rising tides, waiting for trouble, waiting for the strike  
> Disappearance, gone within seconds...  
> We have so much to lose, so much to remember...  
> The only question is...  
> Will any of this ever get better?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case if anyone is wondering why he isn’t remembering everything all at once, remember that it was mentioned in the chapter that different triggers led to different remembrances! This isn’t the trigger for Tsukishima, but for why he erased. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)

Akaashi sat in his studio, quietly reading a book. He was on his break, the next thing on his schedule being the photo shoot for the photo book in their next album. A darker theme, which included heavy makeup and intricate designs to express the emotions behind their album. Most of the songs were recorded- all that was left was the collaboration.

There was a soft knock on the door. Akaashi looked up from his book, “Come in.”

The door cracked open. The corner of Akaashi’s lips curled up. Bokuto was peeking his head through the door, a smile on his face as he open the door fully, walking into the room and then closing the door behind him. Bokuto checked for make sure the blinds of the door were down. After that, he sat in the other roller chair that was in the room, pushing himself towards Akaashi. Bokuto looked at Akaashi for a moment, later leaning over to place a peck on his cheek. 

”Well hello to you too,” Akaashi greeted, “This couldn’t have waited till we got home?”

Bokuto smiled, “I just really missed you. It’s not like we’re at home that much either.”

”We are... it’s just that one of us passes out on the bed out of exhaustion,” Akaashi sighed as he leaned over to Bokuto, returning the peck, “As long as no one sees... it’s okay.”

There was quite the dedication between the two to keep their relationship hidden. The feelings were mutual when they were in college. Akaashi had met Bokuto when he accidentally interrupted him during a drumming session in the music room. The moment Bokuto laid eyes on his keyboard, he had insisted for Akaashi to play alongside him since many keyboardists didn't want to accompany him. Bokuto had a unique way of playing with the drums, so it was very difficult for him to find someone perfect for an accompanying partner.

Fortunately for him, Akaashi was good at readjusting with any player. From then on, Akaashi had been helping Bokuto draw out his fullest potential... and vice-versa. The more he played with Bokuto, the more he felt his skills developing and sharpening. Somewhere in between, Akaashi had caught feelings, Bokuto had caught them, and they ended up confessing to each other on the same day. Everything went surprisingly well. 

Until they got here.

Originally, Akaashi had auditioned to be a soloist. Bokuto was still considering his choices, but he wanted to keep his choice a surprise from him. While many entertainment companies offered Akaashi contracts, he had chosen _Viper Entertainment_ since it was a good company for exposure. They also offered many great resources.

Maybe he should have payed more attention to the actual contract though...

Then everything just went downhill. 

" _Akaashi! Remember what I said about the entertainment company I joined?" he said over the phone._

_Akaashi pushed the door as he left the office. The directors had moved him over to debut in a boy band. He was the only trainee who knew how to play keyboard. They had a synth player, but it wasn't like the person could do both at the same time... well, it was doable, but it would be easier to get a separate player for the keyboard. He held his phone in one hand, "Yes... did something go wrong?"_

_"Nah, but it's a big one," Bokuto continued, "I'm the drummer for a boy band. Today we're meeting our last member!"_

_Akaashi smiled, "Your're still not going to tell me which company?"_

_"Well... it comes with some downsides. There's a heavy dating ban," Bokuto explained, "But since you are a soloist at a different company, it will be a little easier to keep secret. Now, if we were in the same one... that would be hard."_

_Akaashi furrowed his eyebrows, "Wait a second. The newest member... he wouldn't happen to be a keyboard player?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"And... it's in Viper Entertainment?"_

_"Oh my god! How did you know-"_

_Akaashi looked up from his phone, making direct eye contact with Bokuto. They stared at each other with wide eyes, their mouths closing and opening without any words coming out. Akaashi felt his phone slip away from his hands, his body frozen in place. Bokuto had leaned forward, catching Akaashi's phone before it dropped to the ground._

_"What are you doing here?!" Bokuto exclaimed._

_"I told you that I was in Viper Entertainment before!" Akaashi explained, "Why... why did you pick this place? We both know about the dating ban..."_

_"I thought you said "Violet Entertainment".... Also, Kuroo is here," Bokuto pointed to the door, "And none of the other companies were making a boy band.... this was my only option. You know how I wanted to play n a band, right?"_

_"Wait, wait, wait," Akaashi fumbled over his words, "Kuroo is here? I thought he was auditioning with Tsukishima... and he's over at Fly High."_

_"Huh?" Bokuto questioned, "That's... that's not what he said. Come to think of it, he didn't mention him at all. He said something weird when I asked about Tsukki... he said he had no idea who I was talking about."_

_"What?"_

So that's what happened.

All within a day, they had to hide their relationship and they found out about Kuroo's erasure. Seven years.... seven years of ducking their heads under caps when they wanted to go out, seven years of feeling like it's illegal to hold hands... ugh. Seven years.

Just three more to go. He joined at 21, he's now going to be 25. Just three more. Three more years until his contract ended....

Of course, if they left... it meant that their band would end there. He didn't want to hurt the other because of his desire to leave. The again, everyone else wasn't really happy in the band either, so maybe-

"Keiji?"

Akaashi shook his head a little, "Huh?"

"You're crumpling that poor page."

He looked down at the book, a page on the verge of ripping away from the spine. He gasped softly, letting go of the page. Akaashi tried his best to smooth the page, while Bokuto looked over at the page title.

"On Forgetting and Remembering?" Bokuto asked.

"Yeah... I'm trying to see if we can do anything to help Kuroo remember," Akaashi sighed as he finally fixed the page, "Apparently, the only way someone could possibly remember erased memories is because the job was done sloppily. The rate of memory erasure is 80% success to 20% failure. The failure includes a half success... but then the memories pop up again later on."

"Hm... a sloppy job?" Bokuto leaned back in the chair, "Oh! I read something about that in an article... it doesn't have many reads since it was buried so deep within the internet."

Bokuto pulled out his phone, swiping up on an article. He turned the phone to Akaashi. 

"THE BRAIN": AN ALLY OR FOE?

_In recent news, an employee was reported to be experiencing massive migraines and severe on and off fevers for an unknown cause. At the time, the director of MM Printing was stating that it was a small virus going around in the company, and that they were taking care of it by partnering up with the local hospital. However, as time passed it was discovered that the employee was seeing various flashbacks and memory cuts. It turns out that the employee had found the embezzlement documents of MM Printing a few years ago. The CEO had ordered for the erasure of that memory, but as it was done under force, the seal to hide away the memory was broken through. The police are currently investigating the case. Stay tuned for more information._

Akaashi shook his head, "What kind of people would do that sort of thing?!"

Bokuto narrowed his eyes, "Akaashi... you know how much Kuroo loved Tsukishima.... I really don't think he would have done this on his own."

"What... what are you suggesting?"

"Don't you think that... _they_ could have done something?"

Akaashi took a moment to take that in. He started to laugh nervously, "No. You don't think-"

The door suddenly swung open. Akaashi and Bokuto jumped away from each other, closing the book and exiting out of the article. They looked up at the door, expecting someone who was looking to bust them. They sighed in relief as they saw who it was.

"Yukie... it's just you," Akaashi breathed out. 

Yukie was one of the managers for Truly Neon. She already knew about Akaashi and Bokuto. It was by accident- she just happened to be out on her errands when they were out on a date. Thankfully, she promised to keep it a secret since she found the dating ban to be too excessive. 

"What? Did I almost walk into a make out session?" Yukie innocently asked.

"Haha, very funny," Bokuto shook his head, "You could have knocked though."

"Hey, I'm not walking into anything suspicious, and even if I was, I would never tell anyone," she winked, "Anyways, we have to get going. The location for the photo shoot is a little far from here. We have to get there in time to we can fill out the time we booked it for."

"Alright, we'll be out in a few," Akaashi waved, "We're taking the vans right?"

"Yeah. They'll be out in the front entrance," Yukie reminded before she walked out, "10 minutes. Don't be late!"

After she left, the two just went to finish and clean up some things around the studios. They soon headed out to the front, climbing into the van. Akaashi kept thinking about the article. Forced... forced erasure. That didn't make sense for Kuroo. If he was involuntarily remembering his erased memories... wouldn't he have told someone? No. Kuroo didn't do things without having enough information. Then again...

He did have massive headaches as of recently. 

Not to mention, he was looking happier around Tsukishima. Almost like he was falling head over heels for him again. It had only been a few days, but they had already clicked together again. Perhaps he was remembering through that?

Akaashi searched for the article again. He scrolled to the bottom, reading the last line.

" _The employee, who asked for their name not to be revealed, mentioned that they remembered the memory after a huge trigger. When they went into the superiors offices for the first time in a while, they had spotted a blue folder- the same blue folder that the embezzlement records were in. Reactions could vary, especially if multiple things were erased, a huge period of time was erased, or if anything very detailed was dealt with recklessly and sloppily."_

Akaashi closed out of the article. A trigger... if Tsukishima wasn't a ticking bomb himself, then what would trigger his memories? It had to be something significant....

He sighed heavily as he started to think of the forced erasure. He knew the company was corrupt, but they wouldn't do that. They would stoop down to that level... right? There was one case that was spread around about _Viper Entertainment_ , but it was just confirmed as a scandal.

Oh.

It was only a rumor.... but maybe he could help with this.

Akaashi turned to his contacts, scrolling down. He opened the text messenger, his fingers hovering over the keyboard. Should he? It was only a rumor.... he may offend him if he asked about it. 

It was his only hope to uncover what could be the truth.

Well... there's nothing to lose.

Akaashi shot a quick text to the senior singer of the company. The leader and the one who the scandal revolved around.

Kita Shinsuke.

* * *

Kuroo was walking through the heart of Tokyo. They had just arrived at the station, but Tsukishima had decided to stop by somewhere to buy some things. Kuroo had left since he had a late night photo shoot later on. He wanted to catch a wink of sleep before that time arrived. Kuroo readjusted the straps of his bags, walking along the bustling streets. 

His squinted his eyes as he saw a news coverage van. Kuroo avoided getting into the camera frame, but he couldn't help but to hear what the reporter was talking about. 

"We are a few blocks away from "The Brain". There have been recent discoveries of hidden and covered cases of "forced erasure". This power has been abused by industries and companies of all sorts. While cases like this come up, it is usually tucked away by the power that they superiors hold. "The Brain" has done many good things... but when will this corrupt side end?"

Kuroo kept walking. He had never seen "The Brain" in person, but even from a distance, he could see the bright blue building. As he passed by, the doors of the blue building opened wide, someone being escorted into the building. Kuroo paused for a moment as he looked into the bright white lights that poured out from the building.

A massive wave of pain came over him.

Kuroo staggered back, sudden and rapid flashes coming on and off when ever he blinked. There were clips of images... what was that? 

He found the nearest bench and sat himself down. Whenever he glanced back to the blinding lights, the hot blood in his ears roared. Kuroo felt his chest starting to heave.... he had never been in there! Why... why was it-

He gasped deeply as the pain increased. Enough! Enough already! Kuroo grabbed his head with both of his hands, the hands trembling against his hair. He felt his body rise to a terrifying heat. He glanced one more time at the bright blue building.

That blinding white light.

Kuroo’s eyes rolled back. The real world faded away from him... but he appeared somewhere else.

_“Huh? What’s happening?” he asked himself as he felt his body slump over the bench, “What’s going on?” He could feel himself within his mind, but it was like he was knocked out in the real world. Inside his head chamber, there was an ocean. The tides were rising against the surface he stood on. Kuroo narrowed his eyes as he spotted a speck of something in the distance._

_” **Remember**.”  
_

_”Remember what?!” he yelled at the other voice, “I’ve never been in there before!”_

_” **Don’t lie to yourself....”**_

_Kuroo’s eyes widened as the figure got closer._

_It was himself._

_Kuroo was staring at himself. Standing over the raging waves, his other self wore a cherry red shirt, a black jacket over it. There were iron on patches over the sleeves... every time he looked at himself, Kuroo could feel the pain rising._

_”What do you mean?” he asked, curling his fists up, “I would never go into “The Brain”. You should know that.”_

_What seemed to be his past self looked at him sadly, “ **I know... but the world is cruel... don’t you want to know why you signed up for that retched company?** ”_

_The tides rose up to the surface, water quickly rising to his knees. His lost past self came up to him, grabbing his hands. Kuroo looked up at the other figure, who’s face was streaked with water._

_” **It’s not your fault... but if you want to get back to what you lost, you have to know what happened to you first.”**_

_”Wait-!”_

_His past self suddenly grabbed him, taking him down as they fell back into the rising tides. Bubbles trailed up as they went deeper and deeper.... there was soft glowing from blurred memories, but one in particular stood out._

_A memory... with a bright blinding white light. His past self shoved him towards it, the sad look still in his eyes as Kuroo got further and further away._

_Kuroo reached out to the surface, but he soon found himself being surrounded by the blinding lights. He closed his eyes, the memory completely consuming him.  
_

_One last stream of bubbles came out._

_” **Remember**.”_


	13. Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Power - Track 3 (B-side)  
> From: Viper, 2nd Mini Album- Rule the World
> 
> Feel the pressure, go under the stress  
> This tension that can be sliced and diced,  
> I can feel your blood pounding, I can feel you shaking soul,  
> You know you can never go up against me  
> I am the one who’s in control.

_It was the main office of Viper Entertainment. The evening had fallen over the building, and the audition results had been released. Even if he had one of the biggest opportunities to join a huge company, Kuroo decided not to. There were too many restrictions, too many sketchy things about that company in particular. He had ultimately turned it down, but they had called him back in to convince him for the last time. Kuroo already knew what he was going to say, but he had decided to give them a fighting chance._

_Daishou sat across from him, Sakusa and Ushijima standing behind the CEO. Daishou looked at him up and down, sliding over a piece of paper. Kuroo looked over it at. From what it seemed, the paper contained a contract._

_”Come work with us Kuroo,” Daishou quietly spoke, “You’re exactly what we need.”  
_

_Kuroo stared at the contract. Seven years, and it’s with the biggest entertainment company in Tokyo. He narrowed his eyes at Daishou as he looked back up._

_Daishou smirked, “We’re looking to form a boy band. You should know of Silver Lining... but that’s giving us a little bit of trouble as of recently. We need a group to boost us back up. You’re a perfect candidate for it,” he continued, “We’ve kept our eyes on you. A great guitarist, charismatic, charming looks... what else do you need?”_

_He looked over at Kuroo, “Well... maybe a few things, but you’re already up to the standards of Viper Entertainment. So why not join?”_

_Kuroo crosses his arms, “What’s so great about this that I have to join?”_

_Daishou chuckled softly, his tongue sticking out while he did, “Oh Kuroo... you can achieve so much more here. Just think of what you can get! Fame, money, adoration, fans from all parts of the world, high caliber equipment, state of the art studios, amazing benefits... there really is no reason for you to bat an eyelash at this.”_

_Kuroo sighed, “It’s tempting... but there’s always a catch to good things.”_

_”Breakup with him.”_

_There was a rising heat in his ears, “Excuse me?”_

_Daishou shook his head, “If we’re about to make the next big boy band... they can’t have a partner. The reason for our dating ban is because dating... it causes too many scandals. Too much damage to our reputation. Not to mention, fans adore the illusion that they could be with their idol someday. You know how upset they get when their favorite member gets a boyfriend or girlfriend....”_

_Kuroo gritted his teeth, “What about Silver Lining?”_

_”They’re a lost cause... I keep them around since they surprisingly grew because of their publicity stunts, but it does some damage to us. The next boy band though... there can’t be as many flaws as Silver Lining has.”_

_Daishou clasped his hands, “So breakup with that boyfriend of yours. Sure, he’s a talented guy, but you could do so much better on your own. You don’t need him... or are you really going to let him stop you from achieving your wildest dreams?”_

_There were fuzzy images that went through his mind. While they were quiet and calm memories, Kuroo had seemed to be happy in all of them._

_”What’s it going to be, Kuroo?”_

_There was hot blood running through his veins. Give up on him... just for this? No. Never. He didn’t care about the fame. All he wanted to do was to make music that anyone could enjoy. Kuroo sneered at the CEO as he looked straight into his eyes._

_”With all do respect... I could never do that,” Kuroo steadily stated, trying his best to keep his voice under control, “I’m not leaving someone I care deeply about just for this company. There are many other ones out there for me. I’m turning down your offer.”_

_Daishou sighed, “Is it that hard? All you have to do is cut ties with him-“_

_”And is it that hard for you to understand?!” Kuroo snapped, suddenly standing up. The chair fell back, “I promised something to him, and I never break a promise. I.. I don’t want him to see a fake image of me on your filthy stage. That’s not music... that’s not a performance.”_

_A forced laugh came out of him, “I bet this is why Kita released that scandal about you.”_

_Daishou raised his eyebrow, “Oh? A “scandal” you say?”_

_Kuroo backed up as Daishou stared deeper into him. Those eyes darkened as they stared at Kuroo, the smallest and eeriest glow within them. A chill ran up his spine.  
_

_He had to get out of here._

_”I’m done here,” Kuroo repeated, stepping back towards the door, “Thank you for your offer.”_

_Daishou started to laugh, “If you’re that thankful, then why are you leaving? Last chance Tetsurou.... will you join us?”_

_”Never.”_

_”Oh really?” Daishou’s laugh abruptly stopped, his voice quieting down. A serious aura exuded from the CEO as he tilted his head up, his eyes fully gleaming a bright green._

**_”Get him.”_ **

_Run._

_Adrenaline flooded through his veins as he ran out of the room. What the hell?! Wasn’t this only supposed to happen in movies? He could he footsteps behind him- no... multiple footsteps! He shouldn’t have come here... he knew something was off when they asked him to come this late._

_The over head speakerphone crackled, “I’m so sorry... but we really can’t let you go. You’re our only hope now...”_

_Kuroo ducked through the hallways of the large building, trying his best to shake off the ones who were chasing him. He looked ahead of him, his heart rapidly beating as he turned into an intersection._

_Someone suddenly appeared from one end of the hallway, grabbing Kuroo in his clutches. Kuroo yelled, wriggling around until he could free one of his arms. He scowled as he swung his arm back as far as he could, throwing it forward to punch the person’s face. The guard dropped him suddenly. Kuroo fell to the ground, but he scrambled back up in an attempt to escape. Something was screaming within his mind to run and run._

_So this was how Viper Entertainment really was._

_Kuroo gasped in horror as he felt himself falling back to the ground. Several security guards held him down, but Kuroo kept on struggling. Someone pushed his head down, but Kuroo could still see what was ahead of him.  
_

_Heavy footsteps echoed through the empty halls. Dress shoes came into view, the person’s arms hanging low. There was something in his hand..._

_The glass part of a syringe gleamed as some moonlight shined on it._

“ _I’m so sorry for this,” Sakusa murmured, his hands coming up. Kuroo’s eye twitched as he heard Sakusa flick the syringe. Sakusa squatted down to him, the hands that were on his neck forcing his head to the side._

_”This... this is considered a crime!” Kuroo shouted, “You guys will never get out of this once it’s reported-!”_

_Someone broke out into laughter. It was through the speakerphone again, “Oh Tetsurou... poor Tetsurou... don’t you know a thing or two about companies like us?”_

_There was a prick on his neck. Kuroo held onto his consciousness for as long as he could. The crackle of the speakerphone got louder, but they soon became muffled._

_”Anything can be covered up if you have power,” Daishou simply stated through the speakerphone._

_Kuroo’s body slumped. There was a name that hung on his lips... but he couldn’t remember who it was._

  
_When Kuroo came back to reality, he was somewhere else. Everything was blurry... and everything sounded fuzzy. His eyes slowly moved from side to side, scanning the area. He could feel something attached all over him. Where was he?  
_

_”So, this is the one?” someone spoke out._

_”Yes,” another voice continued. It was Daishou again...._

_”Erasure and alteration?” the other person spoke, “What will it be this time?”_

_”This person,” Daishou explained, pulling out a photo of someone, “Every last little memory.”_

_What seemed to be a doctor disapproved, “Sir... this is going to be too much. This person seems to play a big role during his college years... it’ll be too meticulous to erase every trace of him-!”_

_Daishou must have grabbed the person, “You do as I say. You know my mother has her share in “The Brain”... surely you don’t want to be fired?”_

_”N-No sir...”_

_”Then do it,” Daishou hissed, “And make sure you get rid of any memory related to today and with Viper Entertainment... he should have a fresh mindset of us once he comes back in. As for that boyfriend of his... everything must be gone.”_

_No._

_No..._

_”No!” he suddenly shouted, his eyes flying open. Kuroo shot up on the bed, many wires pulling along as he sat up. Doctors and nurses looked at him wildly, Daishou snickering as he stood back. The doctors grabbed Kuroo forcefully, pressing him back down on the bed. Kuroo kept shouting, but someone shoved a mask over his mouth. His eyes flared up as he looked over at Daishou, who had the audacity to laugh.  
_

_”Everything will be alright Tetsurou... tomorrow you’ll go back to an everyday life.”  
_

_Daishou started to walked out of the room, “I can’t wait to see you become apart of the company family.”_

_Kuroo kept struggling, but the drowsiness was starting to fall on him. Blinding white lights shined down on him like some sort of exhibit... his vision would focus and unfocus as he stared up into the ceiling, as he stared up into the blinding lights._

_”The Brain”._

_They were going to erase the memories of him...._

_Kuroo’s eyes started to sting. No... they couldn’t do that! They couldn’t..._

_He looked at the blurry figures of doctors. They looked upset at what they were doing... but they had no choice. The rich always received what they wanted... even if it was a crime._

_“Please... don’t do this!” he wanted to shout, he wanted to scream, he wanted to cry... but nothing came out of his throat. The doctors were in a frenzy to get him under..._

_His eyelids became heavy. A single tear slipped away from his eye._

_No._

_Not him..._

_Anything but him..._

_The blinding light was the last thing he saw that day.  
_

_But he wouldn’t even remember what happened... and he didn’t remember who that person who he loved so dearly was either._

* * *

Kuroo gasped back into reality, his eyes aching as they readjusted to the settings of the world. 

”Fuck,” he muttered softly, burying his head into his hands, “I... I-“

He did have someone in college.

He did have a relationship...

He _had_ a boyfriend _._

All of it... everything he had seen so far with that person in his returning memories... that was _him._ That was his boyfriend. Those few calming and warm times he saw... they erased all of that? All because they wanted him to be a source of profit? 

Kuroo glanced over at “The Brain”. The flashes were more clear as they appeared in front of him. His chest started to heave again... he started to feel suffocated as he could practically feel the oxygen mask and anesthesia over him. For some reason, Kuroo couldn’t tear his eyes away from “The Brain”. He could hear Daishou’s snickering... he could feel those wires being attached to his head...

He slapped his hand over his chest... his breathing was uneven. It was erratic... was he hyperventilating? Drops of sweat fell down his forehead.... his eyes were stinging the more he stared over at the blue building.

But he couldn’t look away.

He... he hurt someone. Badly. They erased his memories without his consent... which means he never got to explain to the person he was with. They just did it and no one could stop them because of the power they held.

Tears fell down his face. He had to control himself... but there was so much flying through his mind. Why... why... why?!

”Kuroo?”

He was now looking at some legs that blocked the view of “The Brain”. The person was holding a bag from a paint shop. Kuroo looked up, his vision still blurred by the falling tears. The person looked down at him, but they soon squatted down to his level.

”Kuroo...” Tsukishima murmured, “What happened?” 

“Tsukki?” Kuroo mumbled, “Tsukki... I-.. I-!”

His frame shook as he desperately tried to grab some air. Even over Tsukishima, he could still see “The Brain”. Tsukishima reached out for his shoulders, carefully placing his hands on them. 

”Hey... it’s okay,” Tsukishima quietly spoke. He glanced over to what Kuroo was staring at, his lips pressed into a thin line, “Look at me. Don’t look over there...”

Kuroo forced his gaze on Tsukishima. Even through the haze of tears, Tsukishima’s calm spirit felt comforting. A sob came out of Kuroo, his chest still hitching up and down.

”Okay... deep breaths,” Tsukishima instructed, “Take deep breaths... exhale, and inhale.”

Kuroo followed Tsukishima as he tried to calm down. Between breaths, he would lose the rhythm, but Tsukishima would raise of lift his hands to remind him whether to inhale or exhale. Eventually, Kuroo's breathing finally returned to normal. It was still shaky, but at least he wasn't gasping for any little bit of air. Tsukishima got up from his spot, standing in front of Kuroo.

"Alright... let's walk you back," Tsukishima offered, "It helps me to walk it out any worries."

Kuroo wiped the streams of tears off of his face. He got his bags, slinging them over his shoulders. Tsukishima waited for him, the two soon walking down the streets of Tokyo. They received a few stares from other people. Strangers murmured to each other as they looked at Kuroo. He looked down, averting his eyes from everyone else. He didn't want this... he never wanted this. If only he hadn't gone back to that company, none of this would have-

A cap was placed on his head. Tsukishima fixed the cap on Kuroo's head, "They'll recognize you. We don't want that right now."

"Thanks," he muttered.

They kept walking, a comfortable silence around them. Tsukishima suddenly stopped, nodding towards a building, "Are we stopping here?" he asked. Kuroo looked up, spotting the familiar company. The snake that wrapped around the lettering of _Viper Entertainment_ was staring at him. For a split second, Daishou's gleaming eyes appeared in the snake's head. Kuroo squeezed his eyes tightly.

"No... not here," Kuroo quietly responded, "We're not even walking the right way... my apartment is the other way."

"Oh... well," Tsukishima started, "My home is pretty close... if you need to recollect yourself... somewhere," his sentence started to fade off. Tsukishima fiddled with his fingers, looking back at Kuroo for an answer. Kuroo nodded- he really needed to get out of the streets, but they were too far from Truly Neon's apartment. 

They soon arrived at Tsukishima’s apartment building. He led Kuroo upstairs to the second floor, pointing to the third door down. Kuroo took off his shoes at the entrance as Tsukishima unlocked he unlocked the door. Tsukishima gestured to him to go inside, while Tsukishima took off his own shoes.

It was a well sized apartment. The main room was painted a light peachy color, a few paintings hanging on the walls. There was a tv, a small kitchen and counter, a well planned out living room, and a hallway that probably led to the bathroom and other rooms. Kuroo stood at the entrance, not knowing what to do. Tsukishima had placed his bags down, taking his guitar case into the hallway. When he popped back out of the hall, he realized that Kuroo hadn’t moved an inch from the spot he stood in.

”Oh. Right... you’ve never been here before,” Tsukishima noted, “Make yourself at home. I’ll make some tea for you.... chamomile?” 

”Please,” Kuroo sighed out, setting his bags down at the entrance. He went straight for the couch, sitting himself down. A few stray tears stayed on his face, but he didn’t bother to wipe them away. Kuroo sighed over and over again... what was he going to do? 

Oh.

Tsukishima said his boyfriend dropped him through erasure...

”Hey... Tsukki?” Kuroo carefully asked, “When your boyfriend left you without warning... how bad was it?”

There was silence. Kuroo could only hear water being poured into a container, while the stove was turned on. A few minutes passed before the kettle whistled. Tsukishima brought over the tea to Kuroo, placing it down on the coffee table. He sat next to Kuroo, humming in thought.

There was a hint of sadness in his eyes, but he wasn’t crying. Kuroo didn’t want to make him cry like last time.

”If I were to explain it in detail... it was like having something ripped away from me,” Tsukishima quietly admitted, “At one moment he was there, but the next second he was gone. I couldn’t do anything about it... and worst of all, I was the only one who remembered everything we’ve been through. I was just left alone.”

Kuroo’s eyes started to sting again.

”It’s hard... remembering something that no one else would ever know about. Things started to manifest within me... I knew everything about him like the back of my hand,” Tsukishima looked back down at him, “So unconsciously, I would do things as if he was still around. I even have two easels for when we would have painting sessions. Every Friday at 8 p.m... I would leave a blank canvas out, even if I knew that he wouldn’t show up... usually with a convenience store bag containing two cans of lemon ice tea and a bag of Starburst. I actually have the canvas on the wall...” 

Kuroo looked up at wall behind the tv. There really was a blank canvas hanging on the wall.

Tsukishima gestured to the bag he left at the entrance, “That’s why I bought paint. Today’s Friday... it’s almost 8 o’clock. Of course... it seems like you’re the one who needs some calming. If you don’t want to talk to me about what’s going on... we can paint. Art is shown to relieve stress.”

Kuroo really didn’t want to talk about what happened. Every time he thought of it, his head would start to hurt immensely. Painting....

Why not?

Kuroo nodded, “You don’t have to take down the blank canvas though. I’m okay with cardboard or something else.”

Tsukishima shook his head, “It’s fine. The canvas was going to get paint on it someday anyways,” he reassured as he brought down the blank canvas, “You hold this, I’ll go get the other things.”

Kuroo held the canvas, listening to Tsukishima rustle around rooms. The blond ended up coming out with a whole box of things. Paints, brushes, palettes, even painting aprons. Kuroo’s lips curled up...it was endearing to him. Tsukishima wasn’t showing it on his face, but he must be excited to paint with someone for the first time in a while.

“It might be overkill, but it’s a pain in the ass to get paint out of your clothes,” Tsukishima pointed out as he handed Kuroo a apron, “The easels are in the empty space by the balcony. Come on.”

Kuroo took his canvas over to the easels, placing his down on one of them. He looked out the window, the last bit of sunshine disappearing into the midnight blue evening. The lights of Tokyo twinkled in many colors. Almost like a glittering ocean.

He turned to Tsukishima, who had already tied on his apron. Kuroo did the same. Tsukishima then pulled out a folded table, opening it wide to place down some things. Two jars of water, their pallets, and a jar with a bunch of brushes.

”You don’t have to be artistic,” Tsukishima nodded towards the canvas, “Just... draw your thoughts out. Most of the paintings around the walls are from hard times, but once drawn out, the problem decreases. Even if it gets a little smaller, it helps to prevent an overload of thoughts... trust me.”

Kuroo watched as Tsukishima went all the way back to the entrance of the apartment, grabbing the bag of paints he bought. He took them out of the bag, placing them down on the table. The box of paints stayed on the floor. They primed the canvas with white paint, waiting a few minutes before they actually went at it. Well, before Tsukishima went at the canvas. He had already started to squeeze glops of paint onto his palette. 

Kuroo looked back at his blank canvas. His skills had definitely improved. Kuroo drew more often for concepts that he had in mind. Draw his thoughts out... go with the flow...

Oh.

Kuroo uncapped various tubes and ranges of black and grey. The dabbed on some yellow and other bright colors to his palette. How he felt...

In the moment, everything was a lie to him.

Kuroo completely focused what was going through his mind onto the canvas. Being forced to join, drugged, faking and image of who he wasn’t...

It was like he was made to spit out emotions that he really didn’t feel. Earlier in the day- when he was busking- that felt like what he truly wanted to do. Make someone’s day. Even for the promotions right now of their new album... the stylists already had options for him to be shirtless. Kuroo found himself being disgusted at the idea, especially after remembering what happened. A show. A spectacle for all to see. 

A puppet.

At first, he didn’t see it, but as time passed he soon realized what he had been ignoring. He had covered everything with his love of music and the love that they received from the good side of their fans. He sugar-coated his own career. He blindfolded himself. Come to think of it...

None of this would have happened if he didn’t ask Tsukishima to collaborate with him.

Tsukishima was someone who was enjoying his career to the fullest. Kuroo could see it through that busking session: he wasn’t being forced to do such things, but he busked and interacted with fans on his own. He even heard that Tsukishima hated doing camera work, but he made a music video for his fans. He really had good intentions towards his music. Most of the artists did at _Fly High._ Orange Blueberry, Rage On, Moonlit Morning... they all were great artists at that company.

If you turned to _Viper Entertainment_ there was the opposite. Silver Lining, Grey Skies, Truly Neon... everyone was overworked. They were asked of too much. They were persuaded into doing things for “their fans” when in reality- that snake wanted more profit. Machines. Emotionless machines... that’s what Daishou thought of them.

Hours ended up passing. There was the soft clinks of brushes being dropped into the paint water jars. Kuroo stepped away from his canvas, wiping his hand across his forehead.

Tsukishima whistled, “Woah... looks like you’ve gotten better.”

”Got better? You’ve never seen me draw before...”

”Akaashi showed me your work before. Your sketches are really rough, but I guess the end result is like this.”

It was a black background, fading into white as it got to the center. There was a grey image of a person in the middle, outlined with black. Yellow smiley faces covered the face, a single sad face on the tongue that stuck out from the mouth. All around the head, there were colorful tangled lines. And at the very top, one word written and overlaid with various colors.

‘Wires’.

Tsukishima nodded, “Mine isn’t as deep...but it’s a little light hearted compared to everything else.”

Kuroo turned to look at Tsukishima’s painting. It was the glittering streets of Tokyo. What seemed to be two buskers were in the painting, while dots of people surrounded them. 

Oh.

It was them. Kuroo had barely noticed that the same hoodie he wore was on the painting. The painting was stylized to be simple shapes and single colors, but it was still recognizable.

”There we go,” Tsukishima pointed out, “We are back to menacing grins and sly smiles.”

The corner of his lips were up. Kuroo had already smiled before, but his full on grin was plastered onto his face, “Gee... we’re back to normal scheduling.”

”Just remember that if you need to get something off of your mind, turn to the arts,” Tsukishima said as he cleaned up a little, “Or to your friends... or even someone like me if it’s your only option.”

Kuroo looked back up at the clock, “Shit... it’s twelve.”

”Twelve?” Tsukishima repeated, “I’ve never been up this late painting since... college. Huh.”

Tsukishima looked back up at Kuroo, “Also... you seem to have some color on your forehead.”

Kuroo touched his forehead with his bow clean hand. When he brought it back down, there was yellow paint on his hand. A small smirk grew on his face. Kuroo reached out to Tsukishima, smearing the paint across his cheek.

”There. Now we’re matching,” he stuck out his tongue.

Tsukishima stood in his place for a moment. After a while, he shook his head, glaring back at Kuroo. Kuroo simply shrugged as he pulled out his phone. He first sent a text to the photographer for his shoot, apologizing for his absence and making up an excuse for it. He then sent one to the group chat, asking if anyone was at the company. Kenma had responded that he was still there.

He didn’t know if he could go back tomorrow though...

”I’m sorry that I stayed so late,” he apologized, “Is it alright if I go to your company first thing in the morning to finalize the song guide before we record?”

”Sure. I’ll hang onto the paintings until they dry.”

”Thanks... my friend is at the company, so I’m catching a ride home,” Kuroo said as he helped clean up a little. He went to the entrance, putting in his bags and shoes. Tsukishima picked up the tea that was left on the table. He took it to the kitchen, pouring it in a to-go cup. Tsukishima then walked over to Kuroo and handed it over to him.

”In case if you’re still uneasy,” Tsukishima nodded, “Or you could give it to Akaashi. He likes that tea.”

”I’ll be sure to drink it,” he smiled as he left the apartment. Tsukishima waved goodbye, closing the door as Kuroo went down the stairs.

_Viper Entertainment_

He had to expose them at some point. He needed more information... he need to gather more evidence before he could properly execute a report. 

There was one thing that was a little more important to him...

He had to find them.

He had to find that person who he left alone.

And for that to happen...

He had to recover as many memories as he could. 

No matter what it takes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! ♪( ´▽｀)


	14. Root Beer Float

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Root Beer Float - Track 4  
> From: YELLOW MIND, hidden track in 1st Mini Album, Memories
> 
> To a soda shop, where dreams become reality  
> One root beer float to make me feel free  
> It comes with a wish within that foam  
> And all I want is to soon go home  
> Where is my shelter?  
> It’s not a what, it’s a who, the one who keeps me safe from the terrible weather  
> That reality brews up, I need that home.  
> You.  
> I need you back.

The _first painting session they had was also the same day they got together. Kuroo wanted to convince Tsukishima that he certainly had some skills when it came towards painting and drawing, especially after that one time they painted. Kuroo had only merged a ball of colorful lines. This time around, he swore that he could paint something worthy of being called art. Technically his first work could be called abstract art, but nevertheless, he wanted to give a shot at another piece._

_So, on a Friday in a summer's evening, Tsukishima invited Kuroo over to his apartment to paint. Everything was already set up to go. Tsukishima was just finishing priming the canvas, when someone knocked on the door. Tsukishima went to answer the door, Kuroo's excited face appearing as the door opened. Kuroo held up a bag from 7-11._

_"Ta-da! I got some snacks," Kuroo said as he took off his shoes, soon entering the apartment, "Some lemon iced tea and a bag of Starbursts. I'm sure you could use something to chew on while you paint."_

_Tsukishima closed the door, "Knowing you, you'll mix up your tea for paint water."_

_"Nah, you'll be the one to drink paint water first. It's an artist's mistake."_

_"Bet?"_

_"Bet. One wish to the one who wins it."_

_Tsukishima showed Kuroo the setup, pointing out where things were and what he could use. Kuroo cracked his knuckles, looking intensely at the blank canvas. Kuroo pulled out his phone, opening Spotify and shuffling his playlist. Tsukishima shook his head as he turned to his own canvas. Today's painting prompt: duet. He had originally wanted to paint two people dancing to the ballet performance of "Black Swan", but he had something else in mind._

_A piano duet. Juts showing the hands, not the two bodies._

_He only did it once at studio three. Kuroo had helped him with the cover of the song by playing alongside him._

_Tsukishima envisioned the scene. A black keyboard with old etched letters of each key. Kuroo had colorful band-aids on from blisters that he kept picking at. There was a ring on his left middle finger- a marbled grey and black one, with the tiniest sad face on it. Tan hands that contrasted Tsukishima's pale ones, with a sliver of tattoos showing. The only thing on Tsukishima's hands was the black ring. There was also a paper cut on his right hand from a project, and only his pinky finger was painted with black nail polish._

_After a few hours, Tsukishima had added his signature at the bottom of the painting. He stared at the painting, reaching out for the cup of iced tea he had poured before starting. He took a huge swig of it..._

_And spat it right back out into the cup._

_"Haha!" Kuroo laughed, "Paint water. I get a wish."_

_Tsukishima spat the last of the water away from his tongue. He glared at Kuroo, his gaze moving from him to his painting, "Oh yeah? And that's your masterpiece?"_

_"Indeed," Kuroo proudly stated._

_For the past three hours, Kuroo had drawn out smiley faces. All sorts of colors that were outlined with thick black paint. At least that's what he thought it was supposed to be. Kuroo had chosen oil paint over acrylic.... so it was many layers of oil over more oil. Some globs of paint were falling onto the easel. A small laugh came out of Tsukishima._

_"Just wait till that dries," Tsukishima smirked, "It'll be a crusty mess."_

_Kuroo crossed his arms, "Well, what about yours?"_

_Tsukishima stepped aside to show his painting. Kuroo stared at it curiously, tilting his head to the side.The longer he stared at it, the deeper his eyebrows furrowed. A smile appeared on his face as he realized what it was._

_"That's me," he pointed out at the tan hands, "This was when we were playing "Closer" by the Chainsmokers. That was a while ago.... I can't believe you still remember all of these little details."_

_"I have a pretty sharp photographic memory," Tsukishima sighed as he cleaned up, leaving the canvases to dry. If he was being honest, the only reason he remembered everything was because... it was him._

_Surprisingly, everything was vivid in his mind when it came to him. Ever since the open mic at "Sally's", Tsukishima kept thinking about the possibility of the meaning behind "Orange Soda". Was it really meant for him or was it just a sappy song? Kuroo did stare at him a lot during the song, but that was probably because he was his friend. Then again... there was that time at the library, and he could have sworn that Kuroo had a blush across his face..._

_He didn't know._

_How could someone deal with Tsukishima?_

_There were several times that Kuroo dealt with Tsukishima's meltdowns or attacks... more than the times that Tsukishima tried to encourage Kuroo when he was down. There were times when Tsukishima would make everything so much more difficult because... he just didn't know how to deal or express his own emotions. It was so difficult to put a few simple words together... every little tangled line would just jumble more and more and-_

_"Tsukki?"_

_The lines cleared up somewhat._

_"Hm?"_

_"Do you have a keyboard? We could play the song since it's been a while..."_

_"Oh... yeah. In my room."_

_Tsukishima walked Kuroo over to his room, opening the door and going straight for the keyboard. Did he show it on his face? Kuroo must have noticed Tsukishima's overthinking state.... he always noticed it before Tsukishima would. It happened unconsciously, and sometimes it would be over the littlest things._

_"C'mon Tsukki," Kuroo said as he sat down on a small bench by the keyboard, patting the empty space next to him._

_Tsukishima sat next to him, sighing deeply. Kuroo nodded as he placed his hands on the keys, Kuroo started the song off, closing his eyes as it went along. Tsukishima soon joined in, playing the other keys that were needed to play the song. Kuroo hummed as the song went on. Tsukishima followed, their fingers dancing along the keyboard as the song was coming to an end._

_The lines disappeared, but a few still hung around._

_"There," Kuroo murmured as he moved his fingers away from the keyboard, "Clear mind?"_

_"... Clear mind."_

_Kuroo looked at him, "Do you have anything you want to say?"_

_Tsukishima shook his head, "It's fine. Just thinking about something..."_

_"Tsukishima."_

_He sighed heavily again. Okay... let's try to make this as indirect as possible._

_"So... you know how I am, right? What if someone gives an indirect confession... but it wasn't the clearest thing, so then you don't really know if they really meant it, especially considering that there are a few major issues..."_

_He blabbered on for a while. When he looked back at Kuroo, the man was smiling a him._

_"What?" Tsukishima muttered ._

_"Is that what you're worried about?" Kuroo softly asked, "Oh, Tsukki..."_

_There was a certain tenderness that washed over Kuroo's face. Kuroo's hand reached out him. He gently placed his hand on top of Tsukishima's hand, squeezing it slightly as he looked at him. The tenderness even reached up to his eyes._

_"I'm sorry if I confused you with "Orange Soda"... maybe I should have told you before, but you said you weren't going to the open mic," Kuroo explained, "But if that's what you were wondering about... yes. It was about you. And if you're thinking why I like you... there really is no reason for me not to like you."_

_The last standing threads completely backed away._

_"You're a support system... even if it doesn't seem like it. Small actions have a lot of words, and you always help me in the most subtle ways. Playing a song, talking over a problem with a soft drink, painting, or even when you gave me your guitar case... and made the embroidery! You were always there. I didn't have to worry about it... I knew that you would be there."_

_"Kuroo..."_

_Kuroo's smile stayed on the whole time, "I'll be there for you too. I've always been... haven't I firefly? I'll help you along your healing process with your anxiety. I know that it won't go away forever, but at least I can help you decrease the intensity of it."_

_"But-"_

_Kuroo shook his head, "I mean it,' he reassured, "So... let me use the wish that I got. Anything, right?"_

_Tsukishima nodded._

_"A kiss... if you're okay with that._

_His eyes slightly widened. There was a gleam in Kuroo’s eyes as he readjusted himself to fully face Tsukishima._

_Well, he had been waiting for it quite some time. He did the same as Kuroo. Tsukishima simply closed his eyes...  
_

_He could feel Kuroo’s hand move up to his face, gently resting on his cheek. Tsukishima soon felt warmth against warmth, a small spark flying around them as the kiss went on longer. Tsukishima’s arms went up on their own, wrapping themselves around Kuroo’s neck. There was that smile against his lips, Kuroo’s other hand moving to hold onto his back. There was soft breathing between them as it went on, occasionally pulling away slightly for some air.  
_

_He seemed to be getting hungry for more._

_Tsukishima exhaled softly as he felt Kuroo moved down, leaving those soft butterfly kisses on his neck. Kuroo came back up, trailing them all the way back to his lips again. It went on, the rhythmic movements dragging for a long time. After a while, Tsukishima pushed himself away from Kuroo. His lips were all too tingly. Kuroo had a small pout on his face, but it turned back into a soft smile._

_”Is this our first date then?” Kuroo quietly asked.  
_

_”You act like you didn’t try suffocate me,” Tsukishima rolled his eyes, “But... yeah. I guess so.”_

_Kuroo’s eyes would move back down to Tsukishima’s lips, “Hm... first date. That’s a lovely set of words...”_

_”Pft... my eyes are up here.”_

_”One more?”_

_”How long have you been waiting for this?”_

_”Way too long Tsukki... way too long.”_

* * *

“-kishima? Tsukishima?”

He shook his head, jumping out of the memory. It’s been a few weeks since Kuroo went over to his house. As of lately, Kuroo has been dragging on finalizing the guide. He would make up some excuse like “the keyboard sounds weird”, “my voice cracked”, “your voice cracked”, “is this even the right synth?”, and so on. The song was literally at perfection... there was nothing else to do with it other than record the actual song. Something happened...

But what? 

As the month ended, Tsukishima found himself sitting with the other artists of the company. Monthly sales. There was always some sort of reward for the person who brought in the most sales for the month. It was usually Orange Blueberry who got it. He must have zoned out knowing that they would win again.

”Huh?” he said out loud when he realized they were calling his name.

Takeda, the company’s second in charge, clapped for him, “Congratulations! YELLOW MIND brought in the most profit. Even your old album sales have soared up. It’s refreshing to see someone else win,” he smiled.

The other artists clapped for him as well. Most revenue? Really? Was _Gummy_ that popular? He really was going to be a one hit wonder...

”We won’t lose next time Tsukishima!” Hinata shook his fist, but a grin was still on his face. 

Kageyama, the other half of Orange Blueberry, had a scowl on his face, “This is only because we didn’t release any music this month,” he crossed his arms.

”Oho? The king is scared that he’ll lose his spot on the charts?” Tsukishima teased, “Don’t worry... there’s always a spot for you at number ten.”

”Why you little-!”

The senior artists broke them up before anything could even get started. Sugawara placed a his hand on his shoulder, "Come on Tsukishima, you should be in a pleasant mood since you've stayed on the charts. Although... you only beat us by a few more-"

"Suga," Sawamura huffed, "Don't torment them."

"Daichi! We really were so close... if only we stayed on for a few more days," Sugawara sighed, "Moonlit Morning will come back better than ever next time. That's a challenge to you all," he grinned as he looked around the table. 

"We won't lose either Suga!" Nishinoya suddenly exclaimed, holding his hand up for a high five. His partner, Tanaka returned the high five, the simple gesture turning into a complex handshake. Tsukishima sighed as chatter broke out about who would win next month.

Sugawara and Sawamura formed _Moonlit Morning,_ a pairing that focused on ballads and softer songs. Their latest release had earned a lot of attention, as it was recorded for the soundtrack of a popular drama. People were brought to tears when Sugawara hit those high notes while the main character's love interest died. Yamaguchi definitely bawled when that happened. 

As for Nishinoya and Tanaka, they were a heavy rock duo. _Rage On_ was popular among the older people, but they had plenty of angsty teens on their side as well- which wasn't a bad thing. Emo phases tended to mature a person in some way. The two weren't afraid to try any new techniques, especially Nishinoya when it came to drumming. Of course... they did have to replace their drums often because of it.

And of course, there was _Orange Blueberry_. Pop sensation with no fears of trying out any sort of genre outside of what they were good at. The signature duo of _Fly High Entertainment_ and the face of the company. They always stayed on top of the charts when they came out- well, until Tsukishima came along with his release. It really was the first time in a while that someone else from their company got the number one spot.

Sugawara turned back to him, “So Tsukishima, what will your prize be? Some new equipment? Vacation?”

Tsukishima shook his head, “A day off will be enough. I need to check on something.”

”Ehh? Just a day?” Hinata asked, “If I were you, I would have asked for a week! You’ve been working too hard.” 

”Just a day,” he repeated as he stood up from his chair, “We really need to finish that song, so I can’t exactly take off as many days as I would like to.”

Takeda nodded, “Alright, if that’s what you want. Make the best of your day off, you deserve it.”

Tsukishima left the meeting room, waving goodbye to the other artists. That was enough procrastinating: the guide was going to be finalized and that's that. Tsukishima went to his studio, scrounging around for a USB drive. He found one, sticking it into his computer and transferring the guide onto it. The USB drive was in the shape of a lemon slice. It seemed awfully familiar....

Oh well, he was sure that it was empty. 

Once the guide finished loading, Tsukishima took out the USB and placed it into his pocket. He took his guitar case and bag, leaving the company for the day. It was the afternoon, a warm day. Hm... well, he did get number one on the charts this month...

He could treat himself. 

It's been a while since he's been to _Sally's._ A float wouldn't hurt him before he went over to _Viper Entertainment._ The soda shop had a small chain of stores everywhere. While it wouldn’t be the same as the near Sendai, it was still a good place to go to. After a bus ride, Tsukishima hopped off of the bus, standing a few feet away from the shop.

Someone else was staring at the store.

Black cap, worn out Nike sneakers, yellow hoodie, and ripped black jeans. Now what was he doing here? Tsukishima went up to the person, standing alongside them as they looked on at the store. 

"I didn't know that soda would lead to life contemplation," Tsukishima sighed as he looked on.

Kuroo snapped out of whatever trance he was in, "Huh? Oh... Tsukki. Hey."

"I thought you said that the guide still needed fixing. What are you doing here?"

"Just a sudden craving," Kuroo shrugged, "I knew there was one near our college, but I didn't know they had one in Tokyo. Are you going to join me or are you just passing by?"

"I was going here before I went over to your company," Tsukishima explained, "We can get our drinks, and then I can give you the finalized guide. There really isn't much more you can do to it, so no more excuses."

Kuroo nodded at that. They went inside the store, Kuroo entering first as the chiming bell advised the owners of their entrance. There were checkered patters all around, red booths, polished counters, and the wide selection of drinks all over the walls. They even had the bottle cap collection that was in the store in Sendai. Huh.... he could have sworn that only the owner from Sendai had that collection. 

"Oh my goodness! Tsukishima is that you?"

A girl came out from the back, a bright smile on her face as she ran to the side bar, "It's me, Michimiya! The daughter of the owner from the Sendai shop, remember? I would attend you when you came along with- oh!"

Oh no.

"Hey... you!" she pointed to Kuroo, "You came to the Sendai shop too with-"

From behind Kuroo, Tsukishima frantically shook his head. Michimiya glanced over at him, raising her eyebrow slightly. He tapped on his head, made a cutting motion, and then pointed to Kuroo. Her mouth turned into a small 'o'. She looked around as she tried to cover herself up.

"With... with your friends," she nodded, "Yes. With your friends."

Tsukishima pinched the bridge of his nose. Smooth.

Kuroo sat down on one of the stools, "Figures... I'll have an orange cream soda please."

"Alright, orange cream," she took mental notes, "The usual for you, Tsukishima?"

He nodded. Tsukishima placed his bags down on the floor. He sat on a the stool next to Kuroo, looking over at him. It seemed like Kuroo expected Michimiya to say something else... in fact, Kuroo had been acting strange. Ever since Tsukishima found him crying in the street, Kuroo's mood had plummeted. Even in the studio, he didn't seem all that happy to be there. Not to mention, their production on the collaboration being backed up probably backed up their comeback as well... but it seemed like he was doing that on purpose.

"Is everything really okay?" Tsukishima asked.

"... No."

Michimiya pushed over their drinks. Orange cream soda and a root beer float. She left them alone as she went to the back. The store was empty, aside from them. Kuroo sighed deeply, looking down into his drink.

"Tsukki... can I tell you something? Something really, really, _really_ unsettling?"

Unsettling?

"Sure... I won't tell anyone else," he nodded as he took a sip from his drink.

Kuroo ran his hands through his hair, "So... my memories. They were... altered. Erased. Whatever you like to call it."

Tsukishima nearly choked on his drink.

"But... I didn't remember that. I didn't know why it happened or when I did it. Something was up though... whenever I looked at something or thought of something in particular, there would be fragments of memories that flashed before my eyes," he continued, "A complete memory came to me when I saw something... "The Brain". When I saw those bright white lights seeping through the doors..."

He looked up at Tsukishima, his eyes dull as he said the next words.

"I saw what happened. I-... I was... drugged."

"What?"

"The company... I refused to join it at first because of... someone. I told them that. And then... they didn't want to let me go. The CEO kept insisting on how useless my reasoning was. He kept trying to persuade me to join, to ensure that I would succeed, to tell me that I was their only hope.... but I refused. That someone was much more important to me than anything else. I was leaving, but they didn't let me. Do you know what they did?"

Tsukishima stayed silent.

"They chased me. They attacked me... and they drugged me. They took me to "The Brain", put me under anesthesia... and they did it. They erased everything of that person and of that day."

"Oh..."

"That's why I'm avoiding finishing the song. It's my only escape from the company," he sighed," I did my fair share of research... my memories can came back through triggers. Since the job they did on me was done too quickly, the seams of those closed memories can be broke through one big trigger. An item, a place, a day... that's what can bring it back."

Silent.

"So, that's why I'm here. I'm trying to recover all of my memories. This morning I saw _Sally's_ through a flashback. Maybe I should have gone to the one in Sendai-"

When Kuroo turned to Tsukishima, his eyes widened, "Hey... did I upset you? Oh no... I shouldn't have brought it up. I know these things are sensitive for you... I'm so sorry. I already told Kenma, but I still felt like I had to tell someone else..."

"No... it's fine," he softly replied, "Here. The song guide is in there. Take your time... I'll swing by when recording starts," he said as he handed over the lemon USB. Tsukishima picked up his bags, swinging them over his shoulder.

"You barely touched your drink though... Tsukki, I really am sorry if I brought up something unpleasant for you-"

Tsukishima shook his head, "I'm okay... really. I just... need to think about something," he sighed as he placed down money by the drink. 

The condensation of the root beer float dripped down onto the counter. Tsukishima stared at it for a while, glancing back up at Kuroo through blurry vision. He waved goodbye, squeezing his eyes tightly to get rid of any tears that were threatening to slip by. He walked out of the shop, walking down the quiet afternoon streets. He dragged his feet as he went along, the sweet taste of root beer that lingered on his tongue turning sour.

He remembered.

He remembered why he erased his memories.

Drugged...

His lips sneered back.

How cruel.

Kuroo was already looking for a trigger to get back the memories of that person. Tsukishima was that person. He could simply tell him that he was the one in Kuroo’s broken memories.

But...

Would he even want to get back together?

It wasn’t like he could escape his company so easily... and what wouldn’t stop them from doing the same thing again. What if they kept doing it over and over again... and endless cycle of erasing, of forgetting, of remembering, and then starting back again at erasure? For all he knew, that contract had three more years on it... they must have erased all evidence of them abusing power too. It wasn’t going to be easy to leave...

So... what were the chances of everything going well? 

He didn’t know. 

All this time, he kept saying how he was going to wait for everything to comeback... to ask for the reason why Kuroo’s memories were erased, but he never thought that the company would do such a thing. How... how was he going to go against that entertainment company? It was too much... everything would be on the line..

He didn’t know. Somehow... somehow they would figure things out.

The only other thing in question was... how was Kuroo going to remember him? He was already searching for it... but what if he didn’t find any triggers? Tsukishima really couldn’t just walk up to him and say that he was the person in his memories-

He stopped thinking about that. Tsukishima could feel the tangled lines creep up in the back of his mind. 

Tsukishima sighed as he continued walking. Well... at least there was one good thing out of all this. Even if things could go upside down, and even if everything wasn’t settled, at least Kuroo had one thing going for him...

He was going back to the Kuroo Tetsurou that everyone truly knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ 600 hits!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	15. Skit: Log Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skit: Log Date (skit=segment of dialogue while making a song)  
> From: the archives of KT x TK
> 
> K: Uno, dos, tres, esta aprendido este micrófono?  
> T: Kuroo what are you doing?  
> K: Connecting with my Dominican roots (^^)  
> T: Not that... why are you recording yourself?  
> K: Oh! Logs... ya know, so we can look back at what we’ve done. You should do it too firefly... then we can look at our relationship grow.  
> T: I’ll consider it...

Kuroo zipped right past all the people in his the company. He would give a head nod to those who he knew, but now he was just skeptical in the environment. What if someone would realize that he remembered? Would they report it to Daishou? Would his memories get erased again? Were all the employees in on it? Did they even know how corrupt this place was?!

He practically ran into his studio, slamming the door behind him and locking it shut. Kuroo finally breathed, letting go of the breath he unconsciously held back. Kuroo walked over to his chair, sitting down in front of his monitor. He pulled out the lemon USB drive out of his pocket.

Tsukishima...

He really seemed upset by what he said. It was a pretty touchy topic to talk about... and it was a sudden heavy load of information dropped on him. Maybe Kuroo should have waited to tell him... it probably wasn’t easy getting past someone who you never got to say goodbye to. He should check on Tsukishima later. 

Kuroo plugged the USB onto the side of his computer. Even if he didn’t want to finish the song, he had to. Their comeback had been pushed back because of it, and they also had the family concert coming up. He had to get it recorded before everything got too busy. Kuroo clicked open the folder of the USB, leaving the mouse hovering over the song. He looked around for his headphones. When he looked down, he saw them on the floor. They must have fallen off of their rack. Kuroo bent over, picking up his headphones and bringing them back up on the table. When doing so, he accidentally bumped his head on the table, causing the mouse to teeter off of the edge of the table.

"Not my day today, not my day," he grumbled as he stared at the mouse on the floor. He started to bend over to pick it up...

_"Is this thing on?"_

Huh? 

Kuroo looked back up at the monitor. The mouse must have clicked something else when it fell. He narrowed his eyes at the USB drive folder. There was... two things in there. The guide was one, but Kuroo didn't notice the other thing. 

A folder titled: Logs.

It had automatically opened up to a series of auto-play videos put together. Kuroo was now staring at Tsukishima through the screen, who was readjusting the camera. Behind him, a studio was stripped bare with only a few boxes in the background. He heard a heavy sigh from Tsukishima as he pushed himself away from the camera. As awkwardly as anyone could, Tsukishima spread his arms out.

 _"Log one... first day at Fly High Entertainment,_ " Tsukishima muttered, his face not matching the forced enthusiasm of his spread out arms. He dropped his arms to the side, spinning around in the chair, _"I managed to get in after crying a song out-literally. Your fault... but maybe I should thank you someday for it,"_ he shook his head. 

Oh. 

Logs for that person. Tsukishima did say that he would wait for that person. This must be after he received those awful words...

The video skipped into a different log. Tsukishima's studio was more or else decorated, but the setup for all of his equipment was ready. Tsukishima fixed the collar of his geometric shirt, starting off the log with another sigh.

 _"Log twelve. Everything is good to go,"_ he said as he twisted a ring on his finger, _"There really isn't much to say today. I'm on track to debut as a solo artist. It's different from what we had in mind, but it was a possibility. If you ever hear something familiar from me, it's probably because it was one of the songs we produced together. You left most of the songs to me anyway... but I'll mention you somehow in the credits."_

What they had in mind... right. His boyfriend went to the same college.

Maybe Kuroo knew him?

The video skipped again. Tsukishima had a grave face on. The corner of his eyes were red. He reached up to his face, rubbing his eyes harshly.

 _"Log... twenty-five? Maybe thirty?"_ he said in doubt, _"If I'm being honest, these are kind of pathetic. Who the hell would talk to someone who doesn't even remember who they are? Huh? This is stupid... the only reason I did these was because you wanted to do this... are you even doing this at your own company?"_ he half laughed, _"God... I must really hate myself if I'm just causing more troubles."_

Kuroo frowned. 

Another skip... and a big one. Tsukishima looked exhausted, dark circles under his eyes as he held something in his hand. He glanced at the camera, pressing his lips into a thin line.

 _"Who knows what day... but I released my first album,"_ he held up a copy of Memories, " _Most of these songs were made out of a whirl of emotions from that day. You're credited in some of them. It took a long time to finish it, but I don't really care for the numbers. As long as some people find it interesting, or maybe even relatable... that's fine with me."_

There was a forced smile.

More skips. Through many logs, Tsukishima state would get better, then fall, then rise... it was fluctuating. At a certain log, Tsukishima's eyes were tinted with red, his hands shaking against his face as he looked into the camera in disbelief.

_"I went out to drink... you should know how much I hate drinking, but something got into me. My mind went berserk when I saw something that reminded me of you, so I went out to cover it up. When I... I-... I woke up with a tattoo on my leg. It's not ugly... it's actually beautiful. That's the thing... it's beautiful. And of all things, it had to be your signature drawing, the only thing that you could actually draw decently. The one with the cat sitting on the moon? Yeah... it's that," he sighed, "I still have the foundation, but it's on my leg... I can just cover it with my pants.."_

Oh no... this must have been the rough years.

Jump cut. Straight into another log. Tsukishima looked into the camera, a softer sigh coming out.

 _"I saw you on the big broadcasting music show. You really made it big... congratulations,"_ he nodded, _"Oh... and if we were still together... happy 3rd anniversary."_

There was one last huge skip. It must have been the most recent one. 

_"I had a full blown panic attack during my fan sign. I can’t look at tattoo sleeves, but I can have my own tattoo on my leg? Doesn't really make much sense,"_ he chuckled, _"Hm... there are a lot of things that trigger the memories I try to suppress. Maybe someday I'll let the seal break... and maybe someday you'll remember. You are everywhere now, so it's not that easy to avoid you. I'm not ready yet... but I guess I'll have to be if you ever show up."_

_"I'll be waiting. This is the last log for now... I'll see you later, okay?"_

Kuroo found himself waving at the monitor as Tsukishima turned off the camera. He stared back at his reflection in the black screen that stayed when the video ended. Kuroo lowered his hand back down, bending over to pick up the mouse. He placed it back on the table, moving it around to exit out of the video and it's folder.

"Made it big, huh?" he murmured to himself, "Must be a pretty famous band or artist then. Bastard... why would they do that to someone like Tsukishima? I bet anyone would like to have him as a boy-"

Oh...

Kuroo let go of the mouse, reaching up to his face. He touched his cheeks with the back of his hands...

Warm.

_**Oh.** _

"Ha... en serio? " Kuroo started to laugh, the Spanish he knew suddenly jumping out due to surprise, "No puede ser... estas loco! You.. you're on a ban. You still have someone to apologize to. You... you're far from feeling or even being-!"

His hands were firmly pressing against his cheeks, "Happy... you still have to fix things before you can be that, right? More importantly... liking someone? You said you were going to find that person... you can't leave them alone again."

Right?

He slumped back in his chair, staring at the monitor screen. 

Maybe it started after he went busking with Tsukishima.... or after painting? Then again... he did start noticing those small details about him, and he did start caring more about him as time dragged on. He had been drawn into Tsukishima because of his music before, and that's the reason why he had gotten to know him, but... this? He couldn't.

Kuroo was looking for someone, while Tsukishima was waiting for someone.

It wasn't possible.

Kuroo closed his eyes. Liking someone, falling for someone... why was it all so complex? He didn't even know if the person he used to be with would want to get back together. And if they didn't, he couldn't express what he felt so far for Tsukishima... the blond still had hope in who he once knew. Kuroo still had to deal with the company as well....

Agh!

It was all so exhausting.

Exhausting...

He felt himself falling back into that memory ridden state again...

* * *

_"A camera?"_

_Kuroo looked down at the pale hands that held a Canon camera. The voice was still muffled and the face was still unrecognizable. He was smiling at the figure._

_”Yeah, you said you wanted one before,” Kuroo happily explained as he leaned over in his chair, planting a kiss on his cheek._

_”Happy six months,” he smiled._

_He could feel the person smiling softly back at him, “Happy six.”_

_”That’s not all though,” Kuroo continued as he rolled up his sleeve, “I finally figured out how to finish my sleeve off.”_

_The two stared down at the night sky that ended at his wrist. There were stars and trees, but the main piece were the fireflies. Softly lit fireflies that adorned the calm night skies. Kuroo looked back up at the blurred face._

_”Kuroo... that’s some commitment,” the person nervously laughed, “What if-?”_

_”Ah! Don’t even think about that,” Kuroo quickly intervened, “I plan on staying with you for a long time firefly, so get ready to tolerate all of this.”_

_”And vice versa,” the other person replied, “What I have to give isn’t as extravagant... but it’s the thought that counts, right?”_

_The person- no... his boyfriend, turned in the chair he was sitting in. It seemed like they were at studio three. He pulled something out from under the desk, bringing it up to himself and then handing it over to Kuroo._

_Kuroo took the box from him. His fingers dragged along the Vans logo. The box was decorated with the Nirvana logo. When he opened it up, Kuroo audibly gasped._

_”You didn’t,” he grinned._

_The person just nodded, fiddling around with his fingers. Kuroo pulled out the black pair of high tops, looking carefully at the design of them. “Rather be dead than cool” was etched on both sides. All around there was the drunken looking smiley face, hands holding up peace signs, and even some other neat symbols. It was a simple white outline, minus the lettering that was filled in.  
_

_”They look amazing!” Kuroo exclaimed as he placed them back into the box. He leaped out of his chair, placing the box on the floor. Kuroo grabbed the hands of his boyfriend, pulling him up for a tight embrace, “You must have worked I’m hard on them. I’m so glad you gave me this!”_

_His boyfriend sighed softly, wrapping his arms around him, “You’re welcome... it’s still not much, but-“_

_Kuroo leaned forward, giving a quick peck on the others lips, “It’s perfect. I couldn’t ask for anything else.”_

_He could hear a smirk from the other person, “Oh yeah? Then this face is off limits... you said you didn’t need anything else.”_

_Kuroo pouted, “Hey... I already stole one, so I might as well steal the rest!”_

_”Oh my god, Kuroo!”_

_Kuroo bombarded his boyfriend with kisses, keeping him close to him. There was a soft laugh coming out from him. When Kuroo got tired, he rested his cheek against the others, sighing softly as they swayed slightly to the non-existent music._

_”I love you,” he softly murmured._

_”Love you too... to another six?”_

_”To another six and even more.”_

* * *

Kuroo opened his eyes, his vision all blurred from tears that were trying to slip by. 

Ah. 

He was really in love with that person. Everything seemed so warm and comforting, even if it only was through a memory. Six months... if his memory got erased before he entered the company, then they were together for a year and a little bit more. It really must have taken a toll on that person then....

Kuroo ruffled his hair out of frustration. If his feelings happened to manifest even more... 

Then what would happen? Being torn between two people?

Kuroo flinched at the sound of the door opening. He turned his head slightly, looking at the face at the door frame. Kenma was staring at him, his face quickly contouring into worry as he looked at Kuroo's glassy eyes.

"Kuroo..."

"Kenma... everything is alright. This song is just a little sentimental," he chuckled, "It's ready to go for line distribution and recording."

His friend crossed his arms, "Is this about...?"

"I'll tell you later. This is our priority for now."

"Kuroo. Your sanity is also important. If you can't work here because of that, maybe we can move somewhere else or-"

"I said later Kenma. Please."

Kenma hesitated for a moment, wanting to keep talking, but he eventually agreed to Kuroo's suggestion to talking later. Kuroo felt like if he spilled everything to Kenma in the company, someone else could listen in and spread it around. He really felt like he couldn't trust anyone else other than his members and the other artists. They must have seen Daishou's sketchy nature at some point...

The rumors about KIta... they could actually be true.

"I'll gather everyone for the distribution. Akaashi has something to do later in the evening, so we can't record any lines for him if we get to it," Kenma continued, "I'll see you later. I'll be ready to listen to you when you're ready."

Kenma left the studio, gently closing the door as he left.

Kuroo gave a heavy sigh, turning back to his computer to transfer the song over to his desktop. Once that was done, he ejected the USB drive. Kuroo would have to give it back to Tsukishima.

For a split second, the image of the blond came through his eyes. The bullet train...the sunlight kissing his skin as he wrote down lyrics. He looked rather peaceful in that moment. Other times his brow would be slightly creased, or there was a subtle sadness in his eyes.

Ah.

There it was.

He already knew those small details about him.

When did everything become so complex? His life was completely normal before he asked for that collaboration. Kuroo did ask for it personally, and he didn't regret meeting Tsukishima... but everything was getting so complicated. What to do... what to do?

He took a deep breath in. Okay... let's set this straight once and for all.

First... gather more information on the company. If the rumors were true about Kita, he could ask him for assistance. Second, expose the company. If the compnay was out of the way, everyone would be free from the clutches of Daishou. Third, get the rest of his memories back. Once that happened, he would figure out who he was with in college. Fourth...

Fourth. Sort everything out with himself. His feelings, his motives, and his morals. Find what he really wanted...

And only then he could truly relax and be happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the urge to write Kuroo speaking Spanish since I’m fully behind the Latino headcanons of Haikyuu characters, and he is often portrayed as one of them (^^)/
> 
> Also, 700 hits! Thanks so much for reading ( ´∀｀)
> 
> Next chapter: Kita's story, and a little bit of Sakusa and Ushijima background ;)


	16. Pills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pills - Track 1 (Title Track)  
> From: Silver Lining, 3rd Full Album - Numb 
> 
> I cry out to my friends, my family, can someone please save me?  
> Everyday, I find myself around orange containers... someone hear my plea!  
> The hard to swallow pills that suffocate me and cover my voice  
> Don't you see, I have no other choice!  
> I'm sorry my love... I'm sorry my dear...  
> This is all I can do, to cover my worst fear.

Akaashi left the company, waving goodbye to Bokuto as they parted ways. Kita had taken a while to respond to him since his group had recently released a single, but he finally agreed to meet Akaashi. It was a late evening, and he was heading a tiny, tucked away restaurant. Kita had specifically requested to meet at this time and place. He was trying to be descreet.

Which meant that the rumors could be true.

He walked on, turning into a small street. There were a few stores surrounding small buildings, and soon Akaashi found the restaurant. "Lily pond"... specializing in their house made tea and noodles. Akaashi pushed the door open, a small bell ringing out as he entered. The lady at the register smiled at him, gesturing towards a table. The place was empty. There was only one other person in there, and he was sitting right where the lady gestured to.

Kita Shinsuke. Leader of _Silver Lining,_ lead dancer and sub-vocalist. The man looked up at him, pushing away the falling strands of black and white hair. His tired eyes smiled at him, waving him over to sit down. Akaashi approached him, giving a small nod as he sat down across from him.

"Hello, Kita," Akaashi greeted, "A pleasure seeing you again."

Kita gave a half-heart laugh, "Mhm. It's been a while. Even if we are in the same company, we don't really see each other that often. How are our monster rookies doing?"

Akaashi shook his head, "We're around the same age as you guys, the only difference is that you all debuted when you were teens. We're also getting old for a group, four years. You guys have a longer contract?"

He sighed, "It was extended. Figures..."

Kita clasped his hands together, "I'm guessing you got curious about my rumors, huh?"

"How did you-"

"I went to your studio when you weren't there. To borrow the talk-box? I left a note, but I guess it must have fallen off. While I was leaving, I saw a cover of rather familiar book. _"Lost Way": archives of memory loss and recovery._ You must have someone who got their memories erased, am I right?"

Akaashi hesitated for a moment, "It's... just a suspicion. Kuroo.... he had a lover before he entered the company. At one moment he was in a healthy and loving relationship, but the next day he didn't have a single memory of the relationship."

"Daishou," Kita sneered.

"Daishou?"

"Yes. If that really happened... it's his doing."

"How do you know that?" Akaashi asked, his eyes shaking. 

Kita gave a strained smile. The rumors... the rumors were true.

"Because I managed to save myself from his forced erasure."

* * *

_"Leave the group."_

_Kita stared down at the pile of papers that was tossed across the desk. It was a termination of contract waiver. He narrowed his eyes at it, looking back up to face Daishou eye to eye. The CEO's grim face glared back at him, his fingers drumming against the desk. Behind him, the dark faces of Sakusa and Ushijima avoided eye contact with Kita. Kita crossed his arms._

_"I know you despise us... but this doesn't make sense. I don't understand," he shook his head._

_Daishou sighed, "Let me run it down. First of all, you're the least popular member of Silver Lining. Do you know how much you tarnish the name of the group? Most of your videos are swarmed with hate comments against you. Surely, they affect the others too. The weight of hate comments heavily bring down a group. You'll become someone to pity rather than admire."_

_"Despite the negativity, there is also a massive overseas support for all four of us. You can't just look at the Japan circle," Kita argued back._

_"Secondly, you're health condition holds back everyone else. Your dances have been lowering on the impact scale. Silver Lining's main charm is your performance skills on stage. You can't allow the other three to hold back their potential."_

_Kita felt his ankle swell, "And who's fault is that? I specifically warned you about my ankle's fatigue the day I auditioned. You said we wouldn't dance that much, but you lied. It's getting worse because of what you placed on us."_

_"Lastly...."_

_Daishou slammed his hand on the desk._

_"You're dating Atsumu."_

_Kita swallowed thickly. He knew this would be Daishou's main argument...._

_"Two rebel couples going against the norms of society. The bad-ass concept. Osamu and Suna certainly fit perfectly into that. You should know how wild everyone went for them. Ads, products, revenue... everything came in for them. Even a line of leather jackets they made sold out. You and Atsumu though..."_

_He narrowed his eyes, "They despise it. Even if they love one couple, they still wish for the illusion of being with an idol... Atsumu being one of them. He's the favorite among all of you. The reason why there's so much publicity for you two is because they're waiting for the day when you'll break up with him. They report every little thing about you two. Waiting.. and waiting... so why not give it to them? You're weighing him down... let the headlines fly on. Star couple suddenly ceases to an end: rejoice crazed fans!"_

_Kita's eyes shook. Publicity... publicity..._

_It's a devil in itself._

_"Leave the group. Everything will end swiftly for you when it happens. You hate me... I know that. This is the easy way out... you can simply end your contract while I give you the chance. We don't have to do this the hard way, right Shinsuke?"_

_"I love him... it's never going to happen, Suguru."_

_Daishou giggled. He then started to cackle, throwing his head back. Kita glanced over at Sakusa and Ushijima, the two flinching from the break of laughter. Something was about to happen..._

_Just as expected._

_"Oh yeah?" Daishou murmured, "Boys."_

**_"Get him."_ **

_Kita didn't struggle. A swarm of security guards came from behind, restraining him. Sakusa came up to him, his fingers flicking a glass syringe. He muttered something quietly, which caused Kita's eyes to widen slightly. His head was pushed to the side, a small prick shot up his neck. Kita felt his eyes roll back, the sedation working faster than expected. Everything wasn't fading away though... Daishou continued to laugh._

_"See you at "The Brain"... Shinsuke."_

_When he fully came back, blinding white lights filled his eyes. Kita glanced around, spotting wires and monitors._

_"Another one, sir?"_

_"Not just anyone. Kita Shinsuke."_

_"Seriously?! You... you can't do this to your own artists!"_

_"He's just like the others... another employee."_

_"A-Alright... what is it this time?"_

_"Erase his memories of the band."_

_"Everything?"_

_"Everything."_

_The time is now. Kita squeezed his eyes shut. He summoned all of the strength left in his body. Kita took a deep breath in, hoping that he would be there. Kita knew something like this would happen, so he sent a text before he entered the office. Please... please be there..._

_"Atsumu!" he yelled._

_Daishou and the doctors snapped their heads towards him. Kita sat up, desperately looking towards the door. The doors swung open, Atsumu heavily breathing as he held up his phone. The recording flash was on. Kita sighed in relief..._

_Thank god._

_The CEO narrowed his eyes, "What are you doing here?"_

_Atsumu cracked a smile, "Check the news..."_

_Daishou whipped his phone out, scrolling through the tabloids, "Breaking... Kita Shinsuke, leader of Silver Lining was threatened by CEO Daishou Suguru to leave... you bastard!" he scowled._

_"Let Kita go... and I won't release this video that I'm recording right now," Atsumu threatened._

_"You bastard.... you..."_

_Daishou laughed hysterically._

_"You fool!" he grinned widely._

_Kita's eyes widened. Atsumu's smile suddenly dropped, his eyes shaking as the phone dropped to the floor. A doctor had stuck a needle in the back of his neck, holding Atsumu down. Nothing was injected yet, but it must have hit a sensitive place. Atsumu's eyes looked wildly around, his hands twitching as he searched for something to grab. Kita snarled, whipping his head around to look at Daishou._

_"What the hell are you doing to him?!" he angrily asked._

_"It's an unreleased product... temporary erasure through vaccination. My mother suggested the idea," he smiled, "However... there have been some strange side effects, including permanently erase memories, which is why we haven't released it. So.."_

_Daishou wickedly grinned, "You have five seconds to give up all the media you recorded and go against your scandal... before that entire vile is emptied into him."_

_Kita didn't hesitate, "I'll do it.... in exchange for one thing."_

_The CEO raised his eyebrow._

_"We get to stay as Silver Lining... no changes made. No memories erased... I promise not to reveal anything."_

_"... It's a deal."_

_The doctor released Atsumu, taking the needle out of him. Atsumu gasped, falling down to the floor. The doctor snatched Atsumu's phone on the way, handing it over to Daishou. The snake stared at the phone, slowly going through the phone to erase any sort of recordings._

_"You've declared yourself to the company now. I'll always be watching Silver Lining.... lost cause or not."_

_The green eyes gleamed._

_"You're never leaving now... never."_

_The doctors unhooked Kita from the machines. Everyone left the room, leaving only Atsumu and Kita in their sorrows. So close... they were so close to ending that damn snake. Kita glanced over at Atsumu. He slowly got up from the floor, walking over to Kita. The two looked around for any cameras... none. Good. This surgery room shouldn't have those or microphones. It was safe to talk._

_"I'm sorry... it's my fault," Atsumu muttered, "If I had seen that doctor, I-"_

_Kita shook his head, "It doesn't matter. I can't lose you... we'll try again someday."_

_"He'll figure it out again... you already compromised yourself," Atsumu stressed, "You can't risk it, especially since you promised-!"_

_Kita lifted his hand up that was hidden from everyone's sight._

_"I crossed my fingers... a promise doesn't count if that happens, right?"_

_Atsumu laughed, "Alright then... we'll try again someday. I'll be with you every step of the way too. Promise... and my fingers aren't crossed," he smiled, showing his hands to Kita. Kita shook his head, a soft smile hanging on his face as he looked at Atsumu._

_They shared a quick kiss, Atsumu helping Kita up from the bed. The two walked out of the room hand in hand, their shoulders heavy from the failed attempt. The tabloid was going to be covered within hours. Kita was going to be forced to deny the article they made themselves. They were now going to be watched... more heavily than they ever were before. They really built themselves a cage..._

_It didn't matter though._

_Just wait till time passes... just you wait Daishou._

_You'll certainly find your fall in the near future._

* * *

"I had previously heard of my manager getting her memories erased because she saw something strange," Kita explained, "That's how I figured out that the CEO was doing something peculiar. I contacted Atsumu before he called me in. I left my phone on for him to listen in... and I guess that's where I slipped up. Daishou probably wasn't surprised since he must have taken my phone before transporting me to "The Brain". He was just acting and toying around with us..."

Akaashi watched as Kita lifted his hands up to rub his eyes. Ah... it must have been disappointing. So close, yet so far from exposing the truth.

"So... it really could have happened to Kuroo," Akaashi murmured.

"It's probably true. When it comes to relationships... Daishou really wants to tear them apart," Kita agreed.

"His headaches.... that explains his headaches!" Akaashi suddenly exclaimed, "What if Kuroo is getting his memories back?"

"Possible. If the job was done terribly, he could recover them," Kita agreed once more.

"There must be someway to end all of this..."

Kita held up his finger, "His office. If we can get into his office files, there will certainly be something that will eradicate him for sure. Many employees had gotten a properly done erasure from Daishou because they saw something they shouldn't..."

Akaashi shook his head, "It's too risky. If any of us get caught... we'll be gone for sure."

"Who says it has to be us?"

Akaashi tilted his head, "Who else- no... aren't they apart of Daishou's schemes? We can't trust them!"

Kita smiled, "Why do you think I was able to wake up so quickly?"

He paused. Sakusa... Sakusa was the one who injected him...

"Sakusa didn't sedate me completely. Do you know what he murmured before he did it?"

Kita's smile died down.

_"I'm so sorry... please help us."_

* * *

Ushijima Kiyoomi... or how he went by in the company, Sakusa Kiyoomi. Main choreographer for all artists in their company. Director and in charge of the media productions and concepts. That's what he would like to think... all he did was pass on the concepts Daishou wanted. His title was just a fancy cover. 

Sakusa pulled himself away from the window he was looking out, his eyes drifting away from the moon and glittering stars. His bare feet were cooling down as they touched the smooth floors, his body gliding gracefully as he gingerly danced across the floor. There was soft music playing in the empty dance room, only the patter of his footsteps accompanying the music. Sakusa glanced in the mirror, looking at his reflection. The small ponytail he had up was about to fall apart. He was snug in his black trainers and black short sleeve, his skin finally being able to breath after being in a suit all day.

This was the only other time he wouldn't be in a suit. Sakusa would stay late, waiting for the time when Daishou would leave for home. Once he did, Sakusa would drop his work and go to the dance room if anyone wasn't there. He would let out his stress, dancing away in the moonlit room.

It was tough... doing something you love, but not being able to have a say in things.

Sakusa had been in the industry since a young age. It was all he knew in life... so much that everyone thought everything he did was just for publicity. Sakusa simply did things he wanted to do.. because he wanted to do it. No, he wasn't promoting a certain brand by wearing his favorite sweats. No, he wasn't singing this song for attention. No, no, no! No... he wasn't like this. He wasn't some cruel director...

That's what Daishou wanted him to be. He was just being molded into that snake's vision....

The door suddenly opened. Sakusa stumbled on his feet, still stumbling forward as he tried not to fall. He eventually bumped into the person who was at the door. Sakusa slowly looked up, hoping that it wasn't the CEO.

He sighed in relief.

"It's just you," he murmured, standing up straight to face him "Hey."

"Hello," the deep voice rumbled, "I thought you would be here, Kiyoomi," he greeted as he leaned forward.

Sakusa wrinkled his nose, "No kiss. Your lips are chapped."

Ushijima sighed. He pulled out a tube of chapstick from his back pocket, applying some onto his dry skin, "The things I do for you," he gently smiled. He rubbed his two lips together, a small pop sound coming out after he finished. He raised his eyebrow at Sakusa, asking for confirmation. 

Sakusa leaned over, placing a gentle kiss on his lips, "Better," he nodded as he pulled away. 

And no, his marriage wasn't a publicity stunt either.

Ushijima Wakatoshi, director and one of the other main producers of _Viper Entertainment_. He had also started in the industry at a young age. The two had met after Sakusa joined the same company as Ushijima. They were paired up after a while, the two joining each other in songs and dances as they got older. Along the way, Sakusa fell for him. It was bound to happen after all that time they shared. Ushijima ended up having feelings too, and so they dated, they loved... and eventually, their marriage was across the news. 

Of course, everyone thought it was publicity. It was hard to read their stone faces... but they really did make the choice on their own.

They eventually made it here to _Viper Entertainment_ since Ushijima's father had a part in it. Sakusa was allowed a position for his dance skills. There were many skilled people in the company. Viper Entertainment really could have been something great...

If Daishou wasn't around.

"Tired?" Ushijima asked as he looked at Sakusa's eyes. Sakusa fingers grazed under his own eye bags. Dark circles... he should have left them covered up.

"A little," he responded.

"Too tired for a dance?" Ushijima asked as he took off his shoes. Sakusa felt any grogginess lifting away from him. 

"You know the answer to that."

In the cool dance room, Sakusa walked to the center of the room. Contemporary dancing. Such a beautiful and delicate process. Ushijima was a little stiff when he first started, but he had finally found the fluidity of the art. Sakusa looked at Ushijima, who was wearing a white tracksuit. This was a dance they had done for fun. Sakusa would be watching the video all the time at home. It was so captivating...

"Lovely" by Billie Ellish, featuring Khalid: choreographed by WayV's WINWIN and Ten. 

Ushijima played the remix of the song on the sound system. The interpretation of the original choreography was the battle between evil and good. Even their tracksuits matched, with Ushijima being the light and Sakusa being the dark. Ushijima jogged to the center, going behind Sakusa for their backs to face each other. 

As the song started, they slowly moved away from each other, turning around to fully see each other face to face. They synchronized, mimicking the image of a mirror beings between the small space that separated them. They reflected each other's movements. 

_"Thought I found a way, thought I found a way... but you never go away, so I guess I gotta stay now."_

Ushijima pulled Sakusa out of the imaginary mirror. There was a fight between Good and Evil, Ushijima pushing Sakusa down and then back up. Evil over took, spinning away from Good's grip as it controlled Good for a moment. Good slipped away from Evil, the two sides struggling on their own for a while, trying to regain control of the other.

_"Oh I hope some day, I'll make it out of here. Even if it takes all night or a hundred years... need a place to hide, but I can't find one near. Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear..."_

Solo dances. They moved away from each other. Some subtle movements indicating that they were still trying to regain each other again. 

_"Isn't it lovely, all alone? Heart made of glass, my mind of stone... tear me to pieces, skin to bone. Hello..."_

They lined up again, taking in a deep breath.

_"Welcome home."_

They danced as the remix part appeared, spinning and jumping to it. Even their breathing was in sync as they went along, drops of sweat fling away from their faces. As the sound of the violin appeared, Good tried to run from Evil. Evil stopped him in his tracks, Good trying to ignore him. He stopped struggling. The two walked to each other, Good turning around to face Evil. They looked into each other's eyes, Sakusa gently placing his hand behind Ushijima's neck. 

Good and Evil come to rest. Ushijima rested his head onto Sakusa's shoulder.

_"Welcome home."_

As the song ended, all they could hear was each other's soft breathing. Ushjima lifted his head up, moving away from Sakusa's shoulder. Instead, he pressed his forehead against Sakusa's, sighing softly. Sakusa ignored the sweat... just this once.

They stood there in comfortable silence, slightly swaying as they recovered their breath. 

"Lovely," Ushijima murmured, "A lovely dance with a lovely person."

Sakusa found himself smiling again, "And I'm here with my home."

They were about to share another kiss, when Sakusa suddenly wavered. Sakusa squeezed his eyes tightly, pushing himself away from Ushijima. He staggered again, still moving back as he tried to regain balance. His breathing started to go off track again, his head pounding. The sudden waves of pain made him gag... Sakusa slapped his hand over his mouth, falling back as he lost his stability.

Ushijima was there to catch him. Sakusa kept pressing his hand against mouth, forcing what wanted to come up go back down. He breathed heavily in and out from his nose, strands of his hair falling onto his sweaty forehead. Ushijima touched Sakusa's forehead with his hand, his eyebrows furrowing.

"I knew it was getting too warm," he muttered, "Kiyoomi... did you skip them?"

"I-I've been skipping them for a while.... side effects. It's the side effects," he moved his hand away from his mouth, all sorts of different pains coming at him.

"Where are they?"

"Bag... I don't want to take them."

Ushijima gently leaned him against the mirror wall, walking over to Sakusa's bag. He rummaged through it, pulling out an orange container and a bottle of water. Sakusa shook his head slightly, "No... I'm not going to."

"Kiyoomi, please. It's going to get worse."

"Wakatoshi. I can't keep taking those damn pills for the rest of my life!" he half yelled, but he lowered his voice as he felt the pain rise within him, "I can't..."

Ushijima knelt down next to him, uncapping the orange prescription bottle. He poured two out, placing them in the palm of his hand, "Just a little bit longer... I'm sure we'll find a way out of here."

Sakusa stared at the thick blue pills, "No... not again. I'm not taking them-"

"I can't lose you if he finds out!" Ushijima snapped, slowly lowering his voice, "Don't make me do it, Kiyoomi. I don't want to force this down your throat."

There was a tone of sadness when he said the last few words. Sakusa sighed softly, taking the blue pills from Ushijima's hand. He popped one in his mouth, taking the water bottle and uncapping it. He took a gulp of water to wash the first pill down. He then did the same thing with the other.

The pain slowly diminished... and then it stopped.

Memory suppression pills....but make them stronger.

It was no secret to them that Daishou was a corrupted human being. They watched as bad things happened to people who were just trying to get by. Daishou would use them as playing ponds to do some dirty work. However, he had no trust in them. That snake was aware that they could leave anytime they wanted to.

So he kept them in check.

Since Daishou couldn't just bring the two into "The Brain" every single day to erase their memories of his evil deeds, he had specifically asked for a stronger suppression pill that targeted their memories of his actions. Something that would mask their minds and the truth of him for a long time... to be exact, it lasted for the month. Most suppression pills lasted from one to two weeks. The side effects were weaker in the normal ones...

But since Daishou's version was constantly fuzzing out the memories of a month, the toll was much stronger. It wasn't just headaches... Sakusa had fainted in the street from the high fevers last month. He had been taking the normal ones instead, but it didn't compare to the blue pills. It was enough to cover up what he was avoiding... he knew Ushijima would find out eventually. 

Why not stop taking the pills you ask?

He'll know.

Daishou would eventually catch on... they wouldn't know what exactly he would do, but they did know one thing.

He loved to target couples.

Where do you think that would lead them to?

Numb mind, drugged body... even for being directors of the company, they were still under the CEO's thumb. Diashou had power behind him: his dad being a major shareholder and his mom being behind "The Brain" and it's board. They couldn't do anything... there was too much to risk.

That's what he thought... but some erased memories would appear from time to time... Kita Shinsuke and Kuroo Tetsurou being one of them. 

When Daishou tried to erase Kita Shinsuke's mind, Sakusa had spotted Atsumu hiding near the office. That's why Sakusa didn't inject the sedation into Kita completely... he was hoping that they would take him down. That would then give him the opportunity to further the exposure with the pills.

Kita didn't succeed.

Kuroo however... if Kuroo remembered and joined Kita....

They could end it all.

Sakusa did the same thing to Kuroo. He didn't inject the sedation fully, but they learned from their past mistake. They quickly took him down and erased his memories. Sakusa felt pity for him, but as of recently, the man seemed distant and strange. He had to be remembering...

Hope was in the air for them.

"Just a little longer," Ushijima repeated, "He'll remember soon."

Ushijima went back to gather Sakusa's things. swinging the backpack over his shoulder. He then walked back to Sakusa, helping him up to his feet. Sakusa still swayed from side to side, trying to recollect his center of gravity. Ushijima shook his head, suddenly sweeping Sakusa off of his feet. His ears started to burn red as Ushijima carried him out of the room.

"I can walk," Sakusa quietly said.

"And I don't want you to fall down in the streets."

Sakusa sighed. Stubborn, but caring. That was his husband in a nutshell. He understood why Ushijima was freaking out over the pills... Sakusa wouldn't be able to bear losing him either. Daishou... that guy was a threat to everyone in the company. He glanced down at his hand, looking at the golden band around his left ring finger. Once all of it was over... they could actually go back to doing what they loved. They could implement their own ideas and concepts... no more following that hot-headed CEO.

So they were both ready.

Whenever Kita and Kuroo were ready to go...

Sakusa and Ushijima would be waiting to assist them in any way possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ovHSQwp1n0
> 
> The dance that the two went along to.


	17. Overthinker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> overthinker - Track 7  
> From: YELLOW MIND, 1st mini album - memories
> 
> a simple word can set me off, my mind panicking towards a gesture  
> the question "what if?" breaking my logic, separating what was once together  
> bushes and vines growing withing my brain  
> the overgrowing thoughts that are causing pain  
> take a breather, take a moment  
> let the overthinker in you stop overflowing.

"Almost two million in under an hour!"

After days of recording, Truly Neon had finally released “Adulthood”, with the title track being “Nostalgia”, and their second promoted track being “Grow Up” It was now added onto their growing collection of mini albums. Other tracks included, “21”, “Empty”, “12 A.M”, and three other tracks. Now, they knew that the collaboration would bring attention, but...

”Two million?” Tsukishima said in disbelief, “It’s been thirty five minutes... it’s been thirty five minutes!” 

“It’s breaching three million,” Akaashi said as he looked at the views rise, “Wow...”

”This is definitely going to surpass our old records,” Bokuto murmured from Akaashi’s side.

Kuroo glanced over to Tsukishima. He worked hard to fix their errors during recording. If it weren’t for him, they could have butchered the song. Even though "Grow Up" was posted before the collaboration, more people were drawn towards the thought provoking song. It must have sparked something inside the listeners, maybe even influencing them to visit sweet memories of the past.

Many people in the comments were actually speaking about it.

 _"I've cried before in because of Truly Neon, but this combo is just making waterfalls T-T", "This song feels like a warm memory is holding me in my sleep", "I suddenly feel like contacting my old friends because of this"_....

They were inspiring their fans to do something positive. It's been a while since they've received comments like this. Sure, there were the ones that complimented their hard work and songs, but this hasn't happened in a while. When fans went around telling each other their stories... it was heartwarming. To see people come together through a song...

It's another thing he forgot. One of the various things that made music such a beautiful art.

But now that it was over...

_"Cut ties."_

That's what the damn snake said to him when he realized they were taking to long with the song. Prevent scandals, prevent anything else from getting out... the only thing that will be useful from this is profit. Profit... profit... profit...

Was that all in his mind? Was that all the CEO really cared about?

Then there was still Kuroo's personal turmoil over his feelings and the growing fear of getting erasure again...

He found himself... distancing. Even through recording, he had only spoke to Tsukishima when it came to the song. Tsukishima had also only talked to him when it came towards the song. They hadn't been going to places as much, and neither of them spoke alone anymore. Tsukishima would look at him occasionally, but when Kuroo caught eyes with him, he would see a flash of something within those golden eyes.

Worry.

Was it for him? Was it for himself? Who knew... but something was brewing within that mind.

Kuroo had been suppressing his feelings. He hated it. When he first started in the company, he had very few crushes on the other trainees, all short lived because of the ban. Tsukishima however...

He felt like he wouldn't be able to hold back if he kept interacting with Tsukishima the way he did.

With the ban on his mind, erasure on the line, and the person in his memories... everything was fighting against each other. One part of his mind wanted to throw out all his logic and planning, while the other side was yelling at him to stick to the safer way. His head was pounding from all of it. Even more memories started to appear... some more sweet moments, but not a single one had a clear view of the face.

The only thing he could see were the hands. Pale hands... but there were too many people out there with pale skin. He didn't see anyone with that black ring either. Firefly too... was he just going to go around and shout that nickname?

So in the end, his mind settled with isolation.

Don't do anything. Just stay put. Focus your attention on the company and taking it down.

It was taking a toll on him though... it wasn't easy to dig up information on a company that kept itself so secure and secluded. 

Kuroo snapped out of his thoughts as he heard rustling. Tsukishima was collecting his bag, swinging it over his shoulder, "It's been nice working with all of you, but I have some other things to attend to. Thank you for your hard work," he nodded as he started to leave the room.

Bokuto and Kenma, who was sitting in the corner, waved goodbye to Tsukishima. The blond walked by him, glancing in his direction. Kuroo gave a small nod, which Tsukishima returned. That was it. That was the most interaction between them for the day.

Those eyes were still filled with worry.

Kuroo sighed softly as the door closed, looking back up at the other three in the room. Akaashi had his eyes on him, his eyes narrowed at he nodded towards the door, "Did something happen between you two?"

"No."

Bokuto crossed his arms, "Bro... if anything is up... you know that we're here."

"For once I agree with him," Kenma added on, "You were so close with Tsukishima in that short time... you aren't planning to...?"

Kuroo waved his hands around, "No, no, no! I just... need to think on something. There's been a lot going on, with the collaboration and the company "family" concert coming up... I'm just tired. You know... we have solo performances, group performances, it's a lot to arrange. I've been working hard... and then there's just some personal problems," he glanced towards Kenma. 

Kenma frowned. Akaashi and Bokuto looked at each other, the same worry going through their eyes. Kuroo pressed his lips into a thin line.

Why did it feel like they knew something he didn't?

Just as Kuroo was about to ask the two about it, Oikawa suddenly bursted through the door. Iwaizumi came hot on his tail, smacking him upside the head. He was fuming from the top of his ears. Iwaizumi crossed his arms, gesturing towards Oikawa.

"Tooru. Tell them," Iwaizumi sharply stated.

Oikawa looked down on the floor, "So... I kind of forgot one important detail about the company concert..."

Kuroo raised his eyebrow, "Oikawa..."

Oikawa squeezed his eyes tightly, "It was pushed forward! To tomorrow!" he quickly exclaimed.

Heavy silence.

Processing...

And...

"Fuck!" they all yelled, frantically getting up from their chairs. Kuroo lunged at his monitor, quickly moving to fix up the arrangements. Everyone's song was almost done to perfection, and even the group performance was good to go. The only problem was his own solo song. Kuroo sent the copies of each person's song to their emails, "Why the hell didn't you tell me?!" he shouted, "Why didn't the CEO contact me?!"

"I'm sorry! I was near his office to drop off our report... and he told me to tell you while I was there. It was being pushed forward because our album promotion brought interest. The CEO insisted that we would sell out the venue if we had it right after our comeback. I forgot! You know how it is with the photo jackets and the shoots... it was so much to do!"

Relationships...

It was always that relationship.

For a moment, Kuroo had the urge to snap at Oikawa for even mentioning his love life with Iwaizumi. No... he couldn't do that. He couldn't project his own jealousy and issues onto his band mates. That was just a low move.

He sighed, "I know... I know. You two and your relationship are always being asked too much of... it's not your fault. The company should have handled all of our schedules and passed on the information more efficiently."

"Tetsu-chan..."

"I sent your songs to your emails. You all of the skill to fine tune the small details. I really have to finish up the last of my song... if you can please leave, I'd really appreciate that," he stressed the last part. 

Everyone had their gaze on Kuroo as they left, Akaashi stare lingering the longest. Kuroo shook his head. Tomorrow... he had to finish this tomorrow. Kuroo looked back up at his monitor, opening up the solo song he had prepared for the concert. From the faint reflection of the monitor, he could see someone sitting in the background.

"Kenma, please-"

"No."

Kenma crossed his arms, "Go home."

Kuroo furrowed his eyebrows, "Kenma... you do realize that the concert is tomorrow. Tomorrow! I have to work on my solo before dress rehearsal in the morning. If I don't do that, then it's not going to be finished in time and everything will just-"

"Go home."

Kuroo looked up at Kenma. His friend was one-hundred percent serious. Kenma looked up at the screen, "From the looks of it... you really only had a little bit left. You also have a small system at home. It'll be enough to finish it up."

Huh? He didn't have a little left-

Oh.

Kuroo looked up at the arrangement. Ugh... he must have forgotten that he actually done most of it. He was worried over nothing. That still didn't explain why Kenma wanted him to go home.

"You're not in the right mind. I don't know if it's because of Tsukishima or if it's because of the company, but... you're not yourself Kuroo. Distant, exhausted, worn out, upset... you're not okay. And no matter how many times you say you are, I won't believe you until you come back to being yourself. Go home. Take a break for once in your life. Please."

Kuroo had told Kenma everything. About his memories, about the company, and recently... of Tsukishima. Ever since then, Kenma had been keeping a close eye on him. Of course he was... Kenma really did care for him. If Kuroo was really overworking himself just to avoid his issues, then Kenma would immediately pick up on that. If everyone picked up on that, then he would just cause worry for the whole band, which would then affect their performances, which then-

He sighed.

Kenma was right. He should take a breather in order to be in a good condition for tomorrow.

In defeat, Kuroo took a USB and transferred the song, "Okay... I'll go home. I'll go, but if any of you guys need me for practice, I'll come right back."

"We have enough trust in you. You'll do great as always for tomorrow," Kenma nodded. 

Kuroo shoved his things into his bag. He swung his bag over his shoulder, then he took his guitar case and held it by the handle rather than putting it on his back. Kuroo looked at Kenma one more time before he left. 

Worry was swimming within those eyes.

As Kuroo walked down the hall, he spotted the rest of his band mates in their studios. He caught eyes with them, and they smiled at him. While the smile was on their faces, it never reached up to their eyes. Even as he passed the dance room of Silver Lining, everyone's eyes were filled with the same thing. He really must have changed in some way. All of those eyes looking at him...

They were filled with worry.

* * *

Later in the evening, Tsukishima was sitting in his apartment after an exhausting day of photo shoots and events. As per usual, the artists get a day to recover themselves after a big comeback. Then they would jump back into interviews, promotions, etc. He had nothing to do tomorrow. Tsukishima remembered seeing promotional videos for _Viper Entertainment's_ Family Concert. They must all be busy...

There was a soft knock at his door. Tsukishima got up from his couch, walking towards the door. The moment he opened it, the first thing that came through the door was a small box of chicken.

Akaashi then popped his head through, still holding the box of chicken in front of him, "Chicken and Sprite?"

Tsukishima moved to the side, "Aren't you supposed to be prepping for the show?"

"We've been practicing all day. I deserve a break, and your apartment just happened to be near here," Akaashi reasoned, "I'm going back right after this though. Bokuto still wants to go over our duet performance a few more times."

They sat down at the kitchen table, quietly eating and picking at the food. Tsukishima looked into his glass of Sprite, tilting it around to watch the fizzy bubbles pop. Akaashi was staring at him... he could feel those ocean eyes burning through his skin.

"Akaashi... if you have something you want to say, you're free to talk."

"Is everything alright? With you and Kuroo, I mean."

Ah.

That.

Tsukishima placed his glass down, "Nothing out of the ordinary."

"Tsukishima."

"Everything is okay, really."

"Kei."

"I can never win against you, can I?"

Akaashi placed down whatever he was doing, "It's okay to talk to me. You know that."

Tsukishima sighed, the sigh coming out more shakily than expected. There has been something on his mind, but the again, when wasn't there? Only this time, those tangled lines had plagued his mind for a long time. 

"I know... but it's just me this time," he said, "Kuroo has been a little more distant... and I guess I returned the gesture."

"It doesn't seem to be working out for either of you."

"I don't know Akaashi, I really don't know. I've been getting closer to him slowly, but then I suddenly pushed myself away. He pushed himself away. Do you know what's going on with him, Akaashi? Do you know what happened to him?"

"His erasure? Did the company really do it?"

Tsukishima reluctantly nodded, "He's remembering. And he's searching for the other fragment of his memories."

"You."

"Me."

Akaashi rubbed his chin, "Then... is that a bad thing? He'll remember you... that's what you wanted."

"There's too much behind it Akaashi. The company did it to him. How are we going to go against a company? That would mean that Kuroo would have to throw away everything he worked so hard for, he would have to live on with the fear of being drugged again, he'll have to risk so much..."

His eyes were starting to sting.

"What if... what if he doesn't even want to get back together? What if he decides that it's not worth it? He has been pushing himself away... so what if he hates me? I did just walk out on him when he was talking about his erasure... he hates me. That's it. He hates me. I was so insensitive! I should have stayed to listen to him even if it was difficult to hear..."

"Kei."

Tsukishima looked up at Akaashi. The man wore a smile on his face.

"If he's searching for you... then that means he wants to meet you again. He loved you... he really loved you. That's not something you can just drop. He loved you, so he can love you again. Kuroo's been really stressed, and that's probably because he doesn't feel comfortable in the company anymore. Once he finds out who you were to him though... I'm sure he'll be willing to risk it all."

"Akaashi, you can't say that. Don't give me hope..."

"I believe in him. Kuroo has always been the kind of guy to put his mind to something he was passionate about. He's still looking for answers on his own, but I know he'll find it. When he remembers everything... we'll all be there to help take down that company. You two aren't the only ones who suffered because of the CEO."

Tsukishima shook his head, "I don't know..."

The tangled lines were wildly growing. They turned into vines and bushes, trapping all of his thoughts in one place. The questions constantly ran into his mind, but the words that Akaashi said were still trying to sneak past the overgrowing thoughts.

"He just needs a push... and I think I know what the trigger could be."

Akaashi held his hand out. Tsukishima looked down at his hand. A single ticket was in the palm of Akaashi's hand.

"Come to the concert tomorrow. He'll remember you by then."

"How do you know that?"

Akaashi smiled again, "I know he will. I just need one thing in return. Remember when Kuroo was moving out of his old apartment? He had a box of things he didn't remember having, all of which were from the college days. I kept the box... and there's something in it that's locked. The hexagon jewelry box. I know you have a spare to the lock."

Oh.

The necklace...

"Keiji... I'm not sure that could be it-"

"It wouldn't hurt to try. That thing was the one item that he was waiting to use... if it weren't for the erasure, I bet he would be wearing it right now. I know it will help bring him back.. or at least push him very close to the end."

Tsukishima looked down at the ring he wore. He twisted it as he got up from his chair, walking over to the kitchen "trash" drawer. He glanced through the pens, the tape, the various keys...

There it was.

Tsukishima picked up a small blue key, walking back over to Akaashi and handing it to him. Tsukishima took the ticket in exchange. Akaashi closed his hand around the key, giving a reassuring nod. They talked a little more, still picking away at the food that Akaashi brought. Eventually, Akaashi left, still trying to convince him that everything would work out tomorrow.

Would it?

That simple necklace... was it really enough?

Tsukishima's hopes were much more higher when Kuroo didn't have his memories. As Kuroo slowly started to remember, the overthinking vines and ferns continued to grow in his mind. Too much to take in, too much confusion in the air... he couldn't expect him to immediately jump at him when he remembered. Tsukishima found himself lost within his own memories and his own thoughts.

Was it really just going to come back? Would everything really be fixed?

The thoughts just continued to jumble as his memories stayed in place. Tsukishima had thrown out the suppression pills... it was far too late for him to go back if everything did go wrong. At this point, Tsukishima was willing to live in his own memories again. He was willing to revert back to how he was before Kuroo came back. At this point...

His hopes and expectations... were really low.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What you've all been waiting for...  
> Next two chapters ;)


	18. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Promise - unreleased track  
> From: the archives of Kuroo Tetsurou
> 
> I'll promise you that I won't leave  
> There is no place I'd rather be,  
> With my heart in yours, and yours in mine  
> Everything within in us will intertwine  
> into something beautiful, into something amazing  
> into something with our hearts blazing  
> I'll promise you...  
> That I'll always love you.

"Kuroo, you're on in thirty five minutes!"

The stylists moved away from him, scuffling towards the next artist who needed their assistance. Kuroo looked into the mirror, staring back at his tired reflection. They had heavily placed foundation under his eye bags to cover the dark circles. There was some eyeliner, some tinted red eye-shadow at the corner of his eyes, and tinted chap stick. Kuroo looked down at the jewelry they gave him, carefully placing the silver rings on his fingers. He had the urge to wipe off all the makeup on his face...

Even after he took a break yesterday, he was still tired. Sure, he would be able to perform decently, but he was mentally exhausted. Everything kept running back and forth through his mind. Between the memories, the company, Tsukishima... that was all that was in his mind. He barely found any information on the company, and the memories that came back didn't drop any more clues. Kuroo was starting to get frustrated... just one thing. He just need that one trigger...

"Can I come in?"

Kuroo turned around in the swivel chair, staring at the doorway. Akaashi was leaning against the frame, holding a tote bag. He was still dressed in a short sleeve navy blue t-shirt, which was tucked into cream colored pants that were loose around the ankles. He wore a few bracelets on his wrists, which jingled as he walked forward to Kuroo. Akaashi had just performed with Bokuto before Silver Lining. He still had to change into the group outfit. Kuroo's solo performance was next.

"Everything holding up?" Akaashi asked.

"Tired... but I'll be fine."

Akaashi sat down in an empty chair, "I'm not going to beat around the bush. I know that it's taking a toll on you."

"Huh?"

"Your erasure. I know."

"Did Kenma tell you?" Kuroo questioned, fiddling around with his rings.

"No... I was doing my own research on erasure. The symptoms just aligned with you. I know that you're trying to get your memories. You need triggers to bring them back. And I'm sure you still need to get one thing back."

"What are you trying to say...?"

"This will give you enough answers," Akaashi simply stated. Kuroo watched as Akaashi pulled out some things from the tote bag. A hexagon shaped box, a blue key, and the pair of custom shoes he saw in the six months memory. Kuroo furrowed his eyebrows... he couldn't find the shoes in his closet.

"That person. When you first moved out of your old apartment to move into the same building as us, you left behind a box of things you claimed weren't yours. They were yours... you just forgot about them because of the erasure. I kept them. I'm sure the box will bring you back to that last segment you need."

"You guys did know who he was..."

Akaashi nodded, "But... you're the one who has to remember. You have to find him within your head yourself. And when you do... I already have an idea of how to help you with the company. We'll all be here for you. Every single one of us."

"Akaashi..."

"Open the box. Wear the shoes and what's in there if you get your memories back... he's waiting."

"Wait-"

Akaashi just nodded and silently left the room. Everyone knew... everyone knew, but they didn't tell him. There must have been a good reason for it... and he did have to find his memories himself. At least Akaashi gave him a possible trigger.

Kuroo looked down at the table, staring at the blue key and the hexagon box. It was beautifully decorated. Flowers adorned the outside, while the center drawing was his acoustic guitar. It was the _Baja_ concert acoustic, even the little stickers beings drawn on. Red, yellow, and blue flowers surrounded it, a few vines peeking through the cracks. Kuroo took the small blue key, unlocking the box. He slowly lifted up the lid... his eyes immediately drawn to the center piece.

There were various crevasses for jewelry pieces. There were rings surrounding the center piece, but Kuroo's eyes were glued to the center.

A necklace...

That necklace.

His head starting to tap away at his brain. Kuroo fully opened the lid, the soft lights shining down on the rings and that necklace. Kuroo moved his chair away from the table, the feeling getting stronger. It hammered away, but it didn't feel like the last time it happened. Kuroo felt himself going away from reality, the pain suddenly softening as he opened his eyes again.

_Rather than crashing waves, he was staring at a calm ocean._

_The waters glittered, a soft rippling filling the quietness. The surface beneath his was warm, and only a soft drumming sensation was going across his mind. Kuroo looked out into the ocean, spotting the small speck in the distance._

_" **It's time."**_

_Kuroo watched as a version of his past self walked up to him, fully leaving the surface of the water. He wore a faded pink shirt, his checkered sweatpants completing what used to be his pajama set and his favorite set of clothes in general. His past self looked at him with glassy eyes, a small laugh coming out of him._

**_"You have no idea how long I waited."_ **

_"I'm sorry it took so long," Kuroo murmured, "But... I'm not so sure... you're my mind. I'm sure you know what's been going on, with this person in my memories and Tsukishima... I don't know anymore._

_His past self laughed again._

_" **Silly Kuroo...w** **e are both waiting for you."**_

_His past self gently took his wrist, tugging him along as he ran towards the ocean. Kuroo's feet touched the cool surface of the ocean, but he didn't fall through. The breezed went through his hair as they ran and ran across the ocean surface._

_They slowed down as the arrived at what could be the center of his mind palace. There was a soft glow from below them._

_" **Hey... can you promise me one thing?"**_

_"But-.., you know what? Sure. Anything you ask of."_

**_"If you do go back- no... when you go back to him..."_ **

_His past self started to cry. His past self hugged Kuroo, holding on tightly._

_" **Tell him that I'm sorry... and that I missed him... so much. He's been in front of you the whole time."**_

_"Wait-!"_

_And just like last time, his past self didn't let him think. He fell back into the ocean, bringing Kuroo down with him. The ocean wasn't as dark as last time. It was a beautiful crystal clear sea green. As they fell deeper, various things lit up. Blocks of memories started to glow brightly, all of them pulsing as they passed by. Kuroo glanced towards the bottom, a memory shining brighter than the rest._

**_"Go... but don't beat yourself up for not noticing sooner."_ **

_His past self gave him a gentle push towards the light. Kuroo allowed himself to fall down into the light. It surrounded him, completely taking him over at the memory loaded itself up. Someone in front of him... not noticing sooner..._

_A stream of bubbles came out of him._

**_"Remember."_ **

* * *

_Kuroo groaned as he slowly opened his eyes, the sunlight seeping through the window and hitting his eyes. His tossed around in the bed, stuffing his face back into the pillow. He stuck his arm out, patting around for something... or someone. He furrowed his eyebrows. Kuroo turned his head to looked at the right side of the bed. No one was there. The blanket was still wrinkled though... he probably just woke up._

_He summoned all of the strength left in him to sit up. He searched around for his shirt, which was far away from him at the door. Kuroo sighed as he slipped away from the warmth of the sheets. Kuroo picked up his shirt, looped through it, and walked out of the room. It was his old apartment. Maroon walls adorned with some records and band posters. He walked into the main area, promptly turning into the kitchen._

_He spotted someone. For once he could see the back of the head. Short blond hair, slightly curled. He was standing over the counter, fiddling around with something. A smile crept up onto Kuroo's face. He was wearing one of Kuroo's pullovers. Although they were around the same height, Kuroo's shoulders were broader. One side of it left the pale skin exposed, the other side barely hanging on._

_Cute._

_Kuroo went up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist. Kuroo looked down at the exposed skin, spotting fading red marks from last night. Kuroo kissed over them, sighing softly as he felt his exhaustion lifting away. The blond returned the soft sigh, lifting his head up slightly from what he was doing._

_"Good morning," he murmured._

_Kuroo kept going over the marks, "Morning... coffee..."_

_"Unfortunately, my body is not caffeine," the blond remarked, "Let go, I'll get you some."_

_"No... no... back to sleep," Kuroo whined, resting his head on the warm shoulder._

_"Stop changing your mind. We have an audition later. Besides... don't you want to see how these turned out?"_

_Kuroo looked over his shoulder, "Oh! I kind of forgot about that since... ya know," he said as he gestured to each other._

_"Uh huh. Let's see how these turned out."_

_The blond tried to move, "Kuroo... let go of me."_

_"No."_

_"Kuroo."_

_"Nope."_

_"Kuroo."_

_"Nah."_

_"Tetsurou, I swear to-"_

_"Oh come on, you know you like it..."_

_Kuroo slightly pushed himself away from the blond. He turned him around, fully facing who the person was. Kuroo smiled at him, looking into those golden eyes behind the black frames. He leaned over to placing a quick peck._

_"Tsukki," he ended his sentence, still smiling._

_Tsukishima scrunched his nose up, "Morning breath... ugh," he said as he stuck out his tongue._

_The blond pushed himself away from Kuroo when he got the chance. Kuroo pouted, his eyes following Tsukishima as he carried away some molds to the kitchen table. Kuroo went further down the counter, grabbing two mugs that sat on the drying rack. The coffee was already brewed and hot. Kuroo poured out coffee for the both of them, taking the mugs over to the table. Tsukishima slid over two molds and a box on Kuroo's side. Kuroo sat across from him, looking down at their creations._

_It was craft day yesterday... and their one year anniversary. They had decided to give it a shot a resin jewelry, ten pieces each. Last weeks craft day, they painted a jewelry box, so it was obvious that they had to make something to put in it. They were going to exchange them as well. It kind of slipped from his mind that it happened since they got a little distracted, but he was pretty pumped for their hand made rings._

_"Don't look," Kuroo reminded._

_"I didn't," Tsukishima calmly replied, popping out rings from the mold. He opened up the box, carefully placing them into their respective compartments._

_Kuroo was tempted to look over. He remembered seeing dried flowers and rose gold leaf... they were probably really pretty. However, there was something Kuroo was particularly excited about from what he made._

_He achieved a half and half ring. Kuroo looked at the shiny ring, smiling proudly at the small smiley face adornment he added. He really couldn't wait to show it to him...._

_Oh!_

_"Tsukki... let's make a promise."_

_Tsukishima looked up at him, "Along with the exchange? Alright."_

_Kuroo held up the ring, "We don't know if we'll end up in the same company, even if it's our hopes to. So if we happen to be in separate company's, wear this to every single performance. Every single concert. Every single fan sign. Every single interview. Wear this ring... to let everyone know that you already have someone. Wear it so that I can always be with you. More importantly, wear it when you go see me perform for the first time. I'll be happy to see you with it."_

_Tsukishima smiled softly. Kuroo felt his heart clench._

_"Okay then, let me add on," Tsukishima said as he looped a chain through one of his pieces. Tsukishima held up a necklace. There was a guitar pick as the main piece, which was swirled with red, black, and gold. There were tiny dried flowers within it._

_"Wear this to the performance that means the most to you. We don't know if either of us will make it big, even if we don't want to. If it does happen though, this... this is a reminder to stick to your roots. Music is something comforting for others and is something that will make you happy. Fully enjoy what you worked on for years. That's what you should always remember."_

_Tsuksihima sighed, "And if the famous drive gets to you... this will remind you that the smaller artist is still here. I'm still going to be here."_

_"Kei..."_

_He laughed a little, "Don't cry. You're the one who wanted to promise over this," he pointed out as he placed the necklace back into the center of the box._

_They sipped on their coffee as they finished up. Kuroo placed the ring in the center of the box. The two closed it at the same time. They took their keys, locking the box up. They then exchanged their boxes and keys. Kuroo placed the blue key on top of his. He then stretched his hand out, holding up his pinky finger._

_"Seal the promise. I promise that I'll wear the necklace at my most important performance," he affirmed._

_Tsukishima linked his pinky with Kuroo's, "And I'll promise to wear the ring everywhere."_

_They locked it by touching their thumbs. Kuroo smiled softly at Tsukishima. He really was lucky to get someone like him. Even if he had a cold exterior, he softened up once he opened to him. Tsukishima was rather sweet, but if Kuroo told that to his face, Tsukishima would curse him out. it didn't matter though... he really knew who Tsukishima was. He was really grateful for him to enter his life._

_They let go of each other's hands. Tsukishima got up, heading for the bathroom._

_"Where are you going? I still have to make breakfast," Kuroo said as his eyes followed Tsukishima again._

_"I have to cover this up," Tsukishima replied as he pointed to the fading red splotches on his neck and shoulder, "I want them to focus on the music, not on your work."_

_"My work?" Kuroo smirked, "Tsukki... you can't diss the artist like that."_

_Tsukishima cocked his eyebrow up, "I just did. What are you going to do about it?"_

_"Come over here," Kuroo quietly challenged, "Don't be shy, come over here."_

_Tsukishima slowly walked back towards the kitchen, making his way to Kuroo. Kuroo narrowed his eyes... no. Tsukishima would put up a fight, but maybe since it was the morning, he didn't feel like it. Tsukishima got closer to him, but he suddenly stopped in his tracks. A mischievous grin came onto him._

_"Sike," he simply whispered, whipping around to make a break for the bathroom._

_"Kei!" Kuroo laughed, "Come back here!"_

_"I am a free soul, you can't tell me what to do!"_

_Kuroo chased, Tsukishima dodged. It went on for a while, until Kuroo finally caught Tsukishima in his arms. They laughed a little, swaying back in forth in each others warmth. He placed gentle kisses on the back of Tsukishima's neck, the comforting silence leaving the two in a calm atmosphere. At some point, they were facing each other, sharing those warm gestures. Kuroo rested his forehead on Tsukishima, the soft smile staying on his face as he looked back into those golden eyes. Tsukishima sighed softly, moving his lips up to Kuroo's forehead to place a soft kiss._

_"I love you, you know that right?" Tsukishima softly murmured._

_"I love you too... and I know," he responded, "I can't wait to see you perform... beside me or not."_

_The other memories he had with Tsukishima were strangely calm._

_This time... it was glowing brightly. It was warm like the sun..._

_It was authentic..._

_Happiness._

* * *

Kuroo was sent back into reality, the warmth suddenly leaving him. His mouth was wide open, only a choked scream hanging onto his throat. Some tears fell down his cheeks, the saltiness falling into his open mouth. He looked back down at the box.

"Kei," he quietly murmured, the familiar name rolling off of his tongue. All the memories slowly flooded back. The tears kept flowing as his mind was finally clear. Everything came back... everything was there. 

It was him. 

It was always him.

He didn't have to fight against his feelings. He didn't have a reason to. It was him. Even after his memories of Tsukishima were erased, he still found himself being attracted to him. Art and music major, the drunken talk, same college, the embroidery, the way he knew how to deal with Kuroo...

It all made sense.

How didn't he notice? He should have at least noticed the ring...

Oh no...

Then he's the one who hurt Tsukishima. He's the bastard. He's the one who caused all of those tears, all of that pain, everything... he did that. He kept Tsukishima waiting. And he was so ignorant... telling Tsukishima to let go while he was right in front of him. Stupid.. he was so stupid! 

Kuroo looked back into the mirror. His makeup was all smeared. Kuroo picked up the makeup wipe that the stylists left, wiping off all the makeup he had on. He then looked down at his hand, taking off all of his rings. Kuroo looked back at the box, picking up four of the rings. He placed two on each hand. They were really beautiful... if only he had found it sooner. 

Kuroo picked up the guitar pick necklace, carefully clipping it around his neck. He looked into the mirror again.

This.

This was his raw self.

This is who he remembered from those lost memories.

Kuroo only dabbed a little foundation under his eyes. He adjusted the shirt he was wearing: a white shirt with black grids. The rest was his black ripped jeans with some chains dangling from the belt loops. They gave him red converse... but he switched them out for the custom shoes he had.

There.

That was perfect.

Kuroo closed the box, leaving the key on top of it. 

He had to make it up to Tsukishima... and the only way he knew was through music.

"Five minutes Kuroo!"

This show was being reproduced live through YouTube. The CEO didn’t care for these kinds of concerts aside from the money, so he should be fine to go all out. Please be watching... please be watching Tsukishima...

Kuroo stepped out of the makeup room, grabbing his guitar on the way out. He made his way to the stage, which was currently being readjusted for his stage. There was a wooden stool for him to sit on, the graphics around them being changed to the Tokyo Skyline. Colorful lights were lowered, and the microphone was being readjusted. Kuroo plugged the AMP into the guitar he was using today: Fender Telecaster. It was yellow, a few stickers plasters on the back. He looped it around his neck, sitting down on the stool. There were his effect pedals on the ground. The rest of the band was in the background to help him complete his performance.

Song: “I’m sorry, I love you”. 

It was just right.

” _Now presenting our favorite leader, Kuroo Tetsurou from Truly Neon!”_

As the screen came up, the cheers roared on. People threw their hands in the air, screaming at him and waving. He smiled at the crowd, sighing deeply as he placed his fingers on the neck of his guitar.

_This one is for you... Kei.  
_

_“Everything I left behind has come backed to me, how’s it going my past self, how is he?”_ he started at the song played out, his fingers moving across the neck of the guitar, “ _Did you tell him you loved him? Did you tell him you need them?”  
_

Kuroo looked up, _“Everything ended with a simple sorry, everything finished in such a hurry, and now everything comes back to bite me back... as you came into my life!”_

He extended the last word, looking around the crowd, _”I’m sorry, I love you! Why should I be apologizing for my feelings when your the one who brought them out?” he sang, the flow seeping within him, “I’m sorry, I love you! I should have never left your side on that god forbidden day, but I was stupid enough to let my guard slip away... I’m who am I now because of you.”_

Kuroo found the camera. He looked directly into it _, “Years passed and we got older, but everything about you rests on my shoulder. I know who you are, I wanna know who you were during this century of separation... I’m so sorry for my declaration, that I never did complete, but if you give me a chance I will fight right back for you who no one could replace!”_

He repeated the chorus. His blood roared in his ears as he sang his heart out, sweat sliding down his cheeks and dripping onto the floor. Kuroo held his hand up, signaling for the band to halt. He extended the last note of his chord, waiting for the sound to die down.

Acapella. It wasn’t planned.

_”We met eyes a few months ago, you looked at me with such a familiarity sense that I should have recognized... I’m sorry my love, please don’t cry, I’m not someone who should be worth your precious emotions, but something is giving me a small notion that in any time, any year, and place...”_

He took a deep breath.

 _”In a heartbeat I would change our twisted fate!”_ he practically screamed out, his voice ringing out in the silent venue _._ He took it a step forward, raising up the note as he extended the last word. Another note higher. He bent over, moving his guitar to the side. One more... 

Triple high note.

He was never able to hit that before.

People bursted out into cheers as the music came back on, the background drums and guitars letting their colors out. Kuroo came back up, looking into the sky as he dragged the last note. The lights pulsed behind him, and the confetti cannon released glittering sequins. Kuroo jumped back onto guitar, doing his guitar solo and then moving onto the ending. The instruments quieted down.

_”I’m sorry, I still love you... and I hope you still think of me. Please don’t think that I forgot, it’s just been reawakened... I’m so sorry, I love you...”_

He looked out into the crowd one more time. He searched... hoping that he would be there by any chance.

Ah.

Kuroo’s amber eyes met with gold. His vision sharpened as he stared at him. Tsukishima’s hand was over his mouth, the half white and half black ring on his finger. He backed away, his eyes shaking as he looked on at Kuroo.

Kuroo held up the necklace away from his neck. Tsukishima backed further and further away. Kuroo smiled gently as he sang the last line of the song. 

” _I’ve been given a second chance... this time I will remember who you are.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 900 hits! Thank you so much for your support :)


	19. Firefly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Firefly - unreleased song  
> From: the archives of Kuroo Tetsurou
> 
> Into the midnight, I'll follow the dance of the fireflies  
> I'll follow the glow, I'll follow the light that bring me up to many highs  
> In the fields under the still moonshine  
> You are the one who will be by my side  
> Dancing along with the flight of the fireflies.

Kuroo walked backstage as the screen came back down to rearrange the stage. He breathed heavily, practically running to his waiting room. He placed his guitar back in his case, quickly taking off the chains that were on his pants. Kuroo darted back into the makeup room, leaving the chains on the table. Kuroo grabbed a wipe to clean off the foundation from his face and his tattoo sleeve. He opened the box he left back up, taking off the rings and placing them into their spots. He closed it, locking it and taking it with him. Running back to his waiting room, Kuroo placed the box in his bag, switching it for his hoodie. 

"Tetsu-chan, that was amazing!" Oikawa suddenly appeared, "You're going to be on fire later-"

Oikawa paused as he watched Kuroo slip his hoodie over his shirt, "Where are you-"

"I have to leave."

"What? Tetsu-chan... we kind of need the lead guitarist..."

"Take the role on. I know you can play the part. The rhythm guitar instrumentals and any other of the players instrumentals are always available in the recording room, along with the vocals. Ask them to play it over. Tell them I came down with a fever. Oh, and can you take my guitar back too?" he asked as he took out his mask and cap, placing the cap over his head.

Kuroo wiped away all the sweat from his forehead. He swung his backpack over his shoulder. Oikawa was looking at him, full of confusion, "Tetsu-chan, you can't just leave in the middle of a concert-"

"I have to go," he stressed. 

"Tetsu-"

"Please. I know you can cover for me... I may not compliment or credit you as much as I should, but you're talented enough to take over as leader and lead guitarist for me today and any day. Please... I need to catch up with someone very important to me."

"I thought you said you didn't have a relationship..."

"I did, but I need to fix it. I'll explain to you everything later, but I really need to leave!" Kuroo urged, looking towards the exit, "It's the same songs as always. I know you know them front and back, chords and everything."

Oikawa thought on it for a moment.

After a few seconds, he placed his hand on Kuroo's shoulder, "Go get 'em. I'll take care of things here."

"Thank you so much," Kuroo repeated over and over again as he ran out of the room. He put on his mask as he ran through the backstage area, avoiding any workers and staff that he knew. He pushed the door open to the back, running into the cool evening air. He made his way around the parking lot, going back to the front of the venue. The area was close to _Viper Entertainment_... which meant that Tsukishima's apartment wasn't that far away. 

When he met eyes with him during the song... Kuroo realized that they were stricken. Trembling... and it while there was shock, something else was in them. Worry.. it was the worry all over again. Before the screen went down, he saw Tsukishima leaving the venue. 

Not this time. He's not going to let him slip by again.

Kuroo's eyes darted around, searching for any cameras or stray paparazzi folk. No one. Good. He looked around again, narrowing his eyes as he spotted someone walking out of the venue and towards his direction. Tsukishima looked up, suddenly stopping as he saw Kuroo. Those golden eyes started to shake again. Kuroo lowered his mask, letting out the breath the he didn't realize he was holding back. Tsukishima looked away from Kuroo, his eyes moving back to the sidewalk.

Before Kuroo could get a word in, Tsukishima made a break for it. Kuroo watched as Tsukishima darted past him. 

"Wait-!" he half-shouted, his hand reaching out to Tsukishima's figure that was getting farther away. He looked around once more... oh he really didn't want to chase, especially since it was night and he would look sketchy...

He took off the mask and cap, stuffing it into the side pocket of his backpack. Kuroo reached up to the loose chest strap on his bag. He buckled it together. 

Not again.

He was going to do things right this time. 

* * *

What kind of psycho would chase someone at night?!

Tsukishima was torn on going to the concert. What if he did remember, what if he didn't... all of those "what if" questions continued to filled his mind. There was still that slim ray of hope though between all that doubt. In the end, Tsukishima threw on a green button up long sleeve with flower designs and light washed jeans, pairing them with white Nike Air Forces. The whole time during the concert, he twisted the ring on his hand. 

And then Kuroo came on with _"I'm sorry, I love you"._

A song that was scarily close to their situation.

Tsukishima felt his heart pounding as he watched the performance. Kuroo looked on at the crowd with such passion in his eyes. His fingers gracefully went up and down his guitar, the lights pulsing at certain chords. 

Oh...

It was like the performances he would give in college.

The music suddenly stopped. The crowd's cheers died down as Kuroo moved his hands away from the guitar, He focused everything on his vocals, singing out with his raw voice as he searched within the crowd for something.

A dragged note... and then, he did something he never thought he would see.

Kuroo hit a triple high note. 

He did it. 

Kuroo had never been able to hit that note.

Tsukishima lifted his hand up, covering his mouth as he realized something. Kuroo's old style of performing, his old passion... and those rings he was wearing...

He opened the box.

Tsukishima met eyes with Kuroo. The man smiled sweetly at him, his eyes gleaming as lights shined down on him. Tsukishima took a step back as he spotted what was on Kuroo's neck. The guitar pick necklace he made. Kuroo held it up, the resin pick gleaming as some lights hit the shiny exterior. Tsukishima kept backing away, his voice getting caught in his throat as he looked on at Kuroo's smile.

_"I've been given a second chance... this time I will remember who you are."_

He remembered.

Tsukishima kept backing up, watching as the screen went down.

He _remembered._

Tsukishima left the venue, suddenly stopping as he stood in front of the entrance doors. He looked out at the calm evening, sighing deeply as he realized what he was doing. This was what he wanted...

But he was running away from it. 

It was really happening.

The hope mixed with the doubt that filled him, the feelings flooding through him overwhelming him. It was too much... he knew he wanted it to happen soon, but this was too soon. He still needed some time to gather himself...

When he walked out of the entrance, someone was already waiting for him. He wasn’t supposed to be there... he was supposed to be in the concert.

Tsukishima panicked, the rush of adrenaline shooting up his head. He did the first thing that came to his mind...

Run.

So here he was, running all the way back to his apartment with Kuroo hot on his tail. Holy shit... he never thought that there would be so much terror running through his veins because of Kuroo. His head was pounding as he sharply turned into his apartment building, flying up the flight of stairs. Tsukishima fumbled for his keys, jamming the key into place as he unlocked the door. He swung the door open-

“Tsukishima please! We just need to talk-!” 

Tsukishima’s eyes squeezed shut as Kuroo suddenly collided with him when he was turning around, the two tumbling into the apartment. Tsukishima tentatively opened one of his eyes, looking around him. He landed on his back, while Kuroo was sprawled out on his side. Their chests were heaving from the running. Tsukishima managed to nudge the door with his foot, just enough to close it.

Time’s up.

”Why... why did you run?” Kuroo asked as he sat up, taking off his backpack.

Tsukishima sat back up, averting his eyes from Kuroo. He took off his shoes quietly, and he could hear Kuroo doing the same. What was he supposed to say? Kuroo had probably realized how obvious he was before Kuroo remember anything... what was he supposed to say about that? What was he supposed to do? 

”Hey... Kei, at least look at me. Please?”

Oh...

Its been so long since Kuroo called him by his first name... it's something pretty pitiful to get excited over.

Tsukishima felt something cool against his cheek. He slightly looked down, spotting the familiar tan hand that would hold him as gently as possible. His hands were always cold... Kuroo tilted Tsukishima's head towards his direction, those amber eyes staring right into him. Rough around the edges, soft in the center, and... recognition. It was the same look he would give him when they were in their own little worlds... just with each other.

He really did remember.

"You still look the same as you did back then," Kuroo murmured, "How didn't I recognize this face sooner..."

Tsukishima bit his lip.

"Same blonde hair, same golden eyes... same sun freckles that adorn your skin like fireflies... I'm so sorry, Kei," Kuroo's voice quivered, "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry for making your suffer so much..."

Tsukishima shook his head, "No... no.. it's not your fault. But..."

His frame shook. The overwhelming mixture of feelings popped, splattering all over his heart and mind.

"How can you even stand facing me?" Tsukishima quietly spoke, "I've... I've done something terrible to you. I was the cause for your forced erasure. I was the one who made you go through all that painful recovery, I was the one who made you confused! I can't let that happen again..."

"Kei, don't say that-"

"You don't understand!" he started to get louder, "You'll lose everything. Everything! Your name, your career, your safety... it'll all be gone if you come back. Your company will be out to get you when they find out. Neither of us can go against such a force! It's... it's likely that something will go wrong. I didn't watch you shed blood, sweat, and tears for everything to be thrown out... just because of me."

The tangled lines started to appear over the overgrowing garden in his mind.

"I'm not worth it," he whispered, "Who am I to someone like you? I mean.. look at you," he said as he gestured to Kuroo, "You have a steady run with your group, you're charming, you're confident, you're someone anyone would kill to have their company. Me...? I'm just some smaller person who does alt. and indie music... I'm just someone who can't even face my own fears, so I run away from every single issue I have... I'm just... me."

The doubt started to over take the small amount of hope.

"It's too much of a toll on you... you should know from what you've remembered and seen. I was happy with you, but I can't make you come back because of a thing in the past... that's too selfish of me. I'm a difficult person... do you really want to go back to that?" he muttered, looking back up at Kuroo through blurry eyes. The tears fell down on their own.

That's not what he wanted.

Deep down... he really wanted to stay with Kuroo. Selfish or not.

Kuroo's hand moved to the back of his head, pulling Tsukishima close. Another stream of tears fell as Tsukishima felt Kuroo's forehead against his, the familiar gesture seeping within him.

"Oh Kei... my firefly... do you know what happened this past month or so when I was with you?" Kuroo gently asked.

A sniffle came out of Tsukishima. 

"I fell in love with you," Kuroo softly laughed, "I fell for you all over again. The whole collaboration... I was attracted by your sound and colors. Then I started to be attracted by everything else. Your personality, your actions, you... I was falling head over heels for you. That's why I was so distant... I was trying not to do anything until I found out who was the person in my memories. And here you are... the person who I deeply loved in the past and the person who I fell for as of recently."

A choked sob escaped.

Kuroo moved his hand back down to Tsukishima's face. He lifted his other hand, enveloping his face into his cold hands. Kuroo's thumbs swept underneath his eyes, gently wiping away the tears as they fell.

"I may have everything... but that's not what I want. I hate the limelight, I hate beings surrounded by cameras, I hate possessive fans, I hate my company... I hate my life. I do feel great around my band members and music... but there's someone who made me feel warm and safe... and comfortable."

Kuroo smiled brightly, "You... your warmth and aura is what makes my day a little better. When I was isolating myself... I felt so drained and exhausted. I was even exhausted right before the show... but I felt my energy spike up once I sang that song for you."

"Kuroo... you can't do this to yourself... please, don't-"

"I know you don't mean that. I may have been away from you for a long time... but I still know who you are, Kei," Kuroo murmured, "Your brow always gives you away... that creased brow that means you're lying."

Another choked sob came out, "Stop... I don't know what to do... I don't know!"

Everything within him started to fight against each other.

Suddenly... Kuroo started to hum a familiar tune.

Oh... 

Tsukishima closed his eyes completely. He took a deep breath in, exhaling softly. This was when Tsukishima had no control over himself... this was for when he couldn't recollect himself through breathing exercises or walks. It happened once during class. When Tsukishima ran out of his guitar classes and ran into Kuroo in the college bathrooms... Kuroo made up a quick melody to hum in attempts to help him.

He simply called it... firefly. Kuroo said that he loved to watch the fireflies dance in the summer's eve.

And it worked. 

Tsukishima rested his head onto Kuroo's shoulder, allowing the tears to flow. Kuroo's hands fell down to his back, softly comforting him. He allowed his emotions to fight until they exhausted themselves, fading away from his mind and heart. The overgrowing garden was slowly trimmed as Kuroo kept humming. The tangled lines still hung around, but it wasn't as dark as before.

"Clear mind?" Kuroo asked.

"Somewhat..."

Tsukishima pulled away from Kuroo, taking off his glasses to clean them, "I... I really do want to get back together... but there's still too much to risk. I can't let you get hurt again," he quietly reminded as he put his glasses back on. 

"But you were hurting too," Kuroo reminded, "You can't put aside your pain either... but I know what to do to make sure we won't need to feel that pain again. Everyone is rooting for us... they even have a lead on things to take down the damn snake who caused all of our sufferings. We can do it... we can do it together. And if we do go down... this time we'll go down together. If we get erased... we can just fall for each other all over again. I'm not going to lose you again... never again."

This time, it was Kuroo who started to cry.

"I missed you so much," he said through a choked voice, "I'm so sorry for everything... but I'll make it up to you. We'll make it up to each other by ending that snake once and for all." 

He still managed to smile sweetly, "I love you Kei... so much."

And there it was.

Tsukishima's mind and heart cried out simultaneously as they heard those words.

And for the first time in a while, a genuine smile came out of him. 

"I've loved you and I still love you... Tetsurou."

There was some choked laughs, as if they couldn't believe what one another said. They just smiled at each other, those stupid love-struck looks reflecting off of each other, waiting for each other to stop crying. Kuroo reached up to his face, pulling him in close. Tsukishima closed his eyes.

It really had been so long.

There was that spark as their lips touched, but something more came along with it. All of those lost years together poured out, the yearning and longing mixing in with the relief of finally being reunited with what they knew. Tsukishima could feel that grin against the kiss, Kuroo already going on for something more passion filled.

The desperation got to the both of them this time. 

Tsukishima hands traveled up to Kuroo’s head, entangling themselves within the thick black spikes. Kuroo exhaled deeply, a small rumble underlying within it. They set their worries aside for a moment, losing themselves to each other. Kuroo had already managed to take off his hoodie, his hand moving away from Tsukishima’s face to unbutton a button or two of Tsukishima’s shirt. Their breathing rhythmically matched... Tsukishima moved away for a moment to catch air. When he glanced up at Kuroo, those amber eyes were dark... and a smirk creeped up his face.

”You know... the memory that trigger me was a morning after one,” Kuroo murmured, “I’m sure you remember my “work”, hm firefly?”

Tsukishima’s hand unconsciously moved up to his neck, “I don’t know... it wasn’t that memorable,” he teased. Knowing Kuroo, he was about to get riled up right... now.

Kuroo suddenly grabbed Tsukishima, lifting him up into the air. Tsukishima’s ears turned bright red... he forgot that Kuroo could do that. Kuroo hoisted him by the waist, Tsukishima’s legs wrapping themselves around Kuroo’s waist. 

”Tú lo pediste mi amor,” Kuroo smirked, “I’m back and I’m not leaving this time.”

The Spanish... damn he really got to Kuroo. Kuroo leaned forward, taking his breath away as Kuroo desperately asked for more. All of those memories flooded back to them, just adding more and more fuel to the burning fire. 

Kuroo had already found his way to the bedroom. He carefully settled both of them down, the kissing still going on as everything kept coming back to their minds. Tsukishima pulled away once more for air, looking back up at Kuroo who was above him. 

The sly smirk turned into a loving smile. One hand kept Kuroo up, while the other was still working on his own shirt. Tsukishima’s eyes traveled down to see if he was still wearing the necklace...

He was. 

Kuroo swept his bangs to the side, “Ay... yo tengo mucha suerte estar contigo. Te amo... y te voy a decir eso por toda la noche.. 

Translation: “I'm so lucky being with you. I love you... and I’m going to tell you that all night long.”

Tsukishima has his hand at Spanish as well since Kuroo would speak it out of no where, “Que esto sea la mejor noche por todos los años que perdimos... yo te amo también...”

Translation: “Let this be the best night for all the years we lost... I love you too.”

Kuroo smiled, leaning back down for more. Tsukishima gently smiled against the kiss, and at some point Kuroo reaches up to his face, taking off his glasses and setting them aside carefully. The warmth of the two completely overtook them... all that lost time being made up for.

The night was young... a beautiful and glittering night. 

And even in the city... the brightest light didn’t come from the towering buildings. In the distance, the moon and the late blooming fireflies danced with each other, enjoying the time they had together before the fireflies had to leave, only coming back til next summer. The fireflies would never forgot that moon kissed field... and they would always return to the same spot. They knew... they knew very well as they danced to the glittering moon and stars...

They knew that they never wanted to get separated from their beloved home ever again. 

And those two... they knew it too...

They never wanted to be separated from each other ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety (with Selena Gomez) - Julia Michaels 
> 
> I recommend it. Just a thought :)
> 
> Also like, this stuff is the closest I’ll even get to steamy... I get flustered by writing kisses, do you really think I could last through more than that?? Lol


	20. A-Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A-Team - Track 6  
> From: Rage On, 1st Mini Album - Fugitives 
> 
> Call me the bad guy, but who’s the real one?  
> Take them down knock ‘em up, repeat the process until they’re done,  
> Help the weak to throw down the strong  
> Because we deserve the crown, not to be in the hands of the wrong,  
> Bastards who know what is cruel, but it won’t matter because they can’t catch us  
> We’ll be the ones who run out, victory in our hands as we fix and rule  
> The world.

Kuroo could hear the birds chirping, signaling the morning that has arrived. He forced his heavy eyelids to open, the sunlight seeping into him as he groggily looked out the window. Kuroo sighed softly, shifting to face away from the window. Instead, he searched for the other warmth he could feel, wrapping his arms around Tsukishima as he pulled him closer to himself. Kuroo let out another sigh as he nestled his head in the crook between Tsukishima’s neck and shoulder. 

Tsukishima shifted around as he woke up, “Hey... morning,” he croaked out.

”Mornin’,” Kuroo responded, moving slightly away to plant a few kisses on his cheeks. Kuroo smiled as he looked down, spotting those marks. He kissed over them... the morning already felt like the past memory that brought everything back.

There was some silence as they laid there, their legs tangled against each other under the sheets. If this moment could last forever... that would be wonderful.

One if the phones started to buzz. Several times.

Unfortunately, they both have jobs. 

Kuroo groaned as the phone kept going off, “Tsukki... turn it off...”

He felt Tsukishima reach out to grab his glasses and phone. Tsukishima opened his phone, quietly reading out the messages.

”Shimizu... Yachi... car is coming in a bit... don’t be late for high schoolers performing arts assembly... assembly? High schoolers? ”

Tsukishima audible gasped as he looked at the time, “10 a.m?! I’m going to be late for the art academy assembly! I completely forgot!” he rambled on as he broke away from Kuroo, quickly throwing on the last of his clothes that he didn’t put back in last night.

”No... don’t leave me,” Kuroo whined as he stretched out his arms towards Tsukishima, “I don’t want to go to work...”

Tsukishima shook his head, “I know... but this is pretty important for our company,” he said as he picked out fresh clothes and left the room, most likely heading for the bathroom, “I was supposed to be at the company at nine... I’m an hour late!”

Kuroo sat up, scratching the back of his head as he searched the floor for his shirt. He spotted it, standing up out of bed to pick it up and button it up. Kuroo heard the shower turn on and then turn off within a few minutes. He decided to fix up the bed as any good boyfriend would do.

Boyfriend...

He smiled to himself. That’s a title he didn’t mind.

Kuroo went to the kitchen. Tsukishima probably wouldn’t be able to eat breakfast, so he could at least wash some fruit for him. He scrounged around the fridge for any sort fruits. Of course, there were strawberries. He took them out, washed them and then cut the tops off of them. Kuroo found some ziplock bags, taking one and placing the strawberries in it.

”See you later,” Tsukishima zipped by, not even putting his shoes on properly as he left. Kuroo looked at the space next to the door frame. He forgot his guitar... out of all things, that was the most important one. 

Kuroo ran to the door, opening it and shouting down the stairs, “Tsukki! You forgot something!”

Tsukishima was barely going down the stairs. He crossed his arms, “Are you serious right now?”

”Yes! You forgot something.”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes as he went back upstairs. He stood in front of Kuroo, sighing quietly as he leaned over to plant a kiss on his cheek, "There, satisfied now? I really have to get going, the car has been waiting for a while."

Kuroo snorted a laugh out, "No! Not that Tsukki.... you forgot your guitar," he said as he gestured to the case that leaned against the entrance. He walked back inside to grab the ziplock bag of strawberries and the guitar case, "Here you go. A snack and the thing you kind of need in order to perform in the first place."

The tips of Tsukishima's ears were red, "Oh... well, you don't have to act like you're sending me off to kindergarten," he remarked, or at least tried to. Tsukishima took the things, "Alright, for real this time, I have to go."

"One more thing," Kuroo chimed in. Tsukishima was about to complain, but Kuroo shut that thought down with a peck, "If you're going to do it, then do it properly," he teased. 

Tsukishima just shook his head, but Kuroo could see the ghost of a smile on his face. Tsukishima waved as he left, jogging down the stairs in order to get to his event on time. Kuroo ducked back inside the apartment, fixing himself up before he went out to work. 

A few minutes later, Kuroo walked into _Viper Entertainment._ The first thing he confronted washis stylist screaming at him for still wearing the same clothes from yesterday’s stage. Then Yukie came up to him, telling him how many fans were quite worried due to the amount of emotion in his last song. He would have to write some sort of letter to comfort them. A few more staff members complimented his performance, while others asked if he was really okay from his “fever”. Kuroo just reassured them that everything was alright.

The moment he walked into his studio though, the rest of his bandmates were were waiting for him. Kuroo shifted awkwardly as he closed the door behind him. Akaashi, Bokuto, and Kenma looked at him with expectant eyes. Oikawa and Iwaizumi seemed a little concerned, but there was still a glint if curiosity in their faces.

Kuroo simply nodded.

And then was bombarded with light-hearted punches and aggressive shaking.

”Yes! I knew it would work, I knew it!” Akaashi pumped his fist up. He slapped Kuroo’s back, “Finally!” Akaashi smiled. This was probably the most excited he had ever seen from Akaashi. Bokuto was the one who usually made him smile.

Speaking of Bokuto, he was the one who was shaking Kuroo’s shoulders so aggressively, “Bro! Yesterday’s performance was the most authentic one yet. You haven’t gone that hard since... since college! I’m so glad you’re back,” he grinned, looping his arm around his neck for a hug. Kuroo looked up at Kenma...

Kenma have a thumbs up and a solemn nod. Kuroo nodded back.

”Ha... Tetsu-chan you should have seen our performance yesterday. It went really well!” Oikawa proudly stated, “But... at least you seem happier. All that exhaustion from these past years seemed to have washed away.”

Iwaizumi nodded in agreement, “Now the only question is... how are we going to make this work? We still have to get through everything else.”

Everyone looked around at each other. Looks like Akaashi was right: everyone was really in on it.

Akaashi held up his finger, “We’re meeting up all together later at Kita’s place. It’s a little farther from here and it’s much more secure than any of our places. He’ll explain some more.”

”This is kind of dangerous... but if all goes well, our company could change for the better,” Oikawa hummed in thought. 

Kuroo crossed his arms, “We’ll have to make sure none of us get caught either. If Daishou starts to get suspicious of us, it’s already going to be game over. He has power... it’s not easy to go against that.”

”He may have power, but it’s always the smaller people who win at the end of the movie,” Bokuto encouraged, “We got this!”

”Besides... I’m sure everyone is against him,” Kenma muttered.

Kuroo nodded, “Anyways, let’s get ready for our shoot today. We got an appointment with DAZED magazine to model, and then we have a fan signing event right afterwards.” 

Everyone nodded as they all left the studio, heading over to the waiting area until their vans arrived to take them away. Kuroo sighed out deeply. He had gotten everything back... everything was safe in his hands for now. If something did go wrong, he could easily lose everything all over again. 

That’s not going to happen this time.

Although Daishou may have more power than the artists, they had more forces. Anyone could tell that most of the employees despised him... the only reason they don’t go against him is because of the fear. Once that fear is set aside though...

They’ll be able to knock him down like a set of pins.

* * *

“I... I’m here!”

Tsukishima breathed heavily as he screeched to a halt in front of the dressing room. The main managers of the company, Shimizu and Yachi, sighed in relief as they saw Tsukishima. Shimizu went over to him and smacked him lightly on his back with the clipboard she had. Tsukishima apologized to the both of them for coming in late. 

"You barely made it on time," she calmly said, "Hitoka, please help Yamaguchi get him ready. I have to go help the others once they come down from their extended performances."

Yachi quickly used him to the seat, Yamaguchi already in position to do the quickest touch-up. Tsukishima set down his bags, promptly taking off his glasses as Yamaguchi and Yachi went all hands on deck. Contacts, cleanse before foundation, hair touch ups... 

"Uhm... Tsukki- or, at least I think I can say that now- what's that?"

"What's what?"

Tsukishima felt one of Yamaguchi's fingers on his neck, "That."

He knew he forgot something.

Yachi looked over, "Those are... definitely not mosquito bites," she said. Tsukishima could hear a smile forming. Yachi knew about Tsukishima's situation as well since she was the one who helped him that one time he freaked out during a fan sign event. 

"Tsukki! Did you guys...?"

"Don't freak out," Tsukishima heavily sighed, "But... yes. He remembered. We're back together. That's all. Don't-"

The moment he said that, the two shouted in excitement. Through the mirror, Tsukishima watched as Yamaguchi and Yachi jumped around in a circle, holding and shaking their hands as they rejoiced with Tsukishima's announcement. They looked like little kids who were freaking out over finding out their friends crush. Tsukishima pinched the bridge of his nose out of embarrassment. Those two were definitely a part of his support system, so it made sense for them to react that way.

"What a relief! No wonder you looked a little brighter today," Yachi smiled, "I'm not even mad that you're late anymore... okay, maybe a little, but it doesn't matter! We'll have to cover that up, but we can talk about this later."

Yamaguchi patted his shoulder, "I knew that things would get better. Congrats, Tsukki!"

"Can we please get back to finishing this up before I have to go on?" Tsukishima quietly mumbled as he sunk down in the chair.

His friends laughed a little, but they quickly jumped back into swing of things. Within a few minutes, Tsukishima was done and rushed out onto the stage, just in time to perform the songs he needed to.

After a few hours, the whole assembly was done. All the artists had talked about their experience with the entertainment industry and art schools, while other explicitly spoke about the downsides of the field. Tsukishima had to resist the urge to expose _Viper Entertainment_ right then and there. It was surprising at how many of those students were aiming to get into that company. 

They had to get rid of that toxic waste before anyone else could get hurt. 

When Tsukishima back to his dressing room, his phone had a message on it. 

_From: Kuroo_

_Meet us at this address around 6 p.m. It’s all or nothing now._

They were diving straight into it. Tsukishima shook off any negative thoughts before they could get to him. They had support, they had back up... they had something that was like a team. The more forces the better. Right? 

  
Everything came around quickly. By 6 p.m, Tsukishima stood outside a small modern home. From the looks of it, the main floor was a dance studio, while the top floor was the actual home area. Kuroo was by the stairs, waving him over as he leaned against the railing. 

”You ready for the game plan?” Kuroo asked as Tsukishima walked up to him.

”Technically, we probably won’t actually take your CEO down in two days, but I’ll stick around for the process and D-Day,” Tsukishima replied, “Is this someone else’s place?”

Kuroo took his hand as they went up the stairs, “Kita Shinsuke. He’s one of the other artists in our company... and he’s also a victim on tried erasure. He’s taken all the measures to keep away from Daishou since that snake keeps threatening him. It’s far from the city... but it’s the only place far enough from Daishou.”

Kuroo knocked on the door. Akaashi was the one who opened the door, a small smile on his face when he saw them together. He moved aside to let them in. Kuroo went ahead first, while Tsukishima was still taking his shoes off. Akaashi nudged him slightly.

”I told you it would work,” he whispered, “It’s nice to see you two together again.”

”Thanks for believing in us,” Tsukishima whispered back, thanking Akaashi for his endless support and time.

They walked ahead into the living room, where Kuroo was saying hello to the other people. Tsukishima recognizes the other artists. There was Truly Neon’s line up of course, who he had all met before. Then there was Silver Lining.

They looked exhausted. 

Suna Rintarou, the groups main vocalist, sub-rapper, and all rounder member, was on the verge of falling asleep. Miya Osamu, one half of the twins and their main dancer, was the one who kept him from falling forward. 

”Welcome, we’ve never met before, have we?”

Tsukishima’s turned his attention to the voice who called him. Kita Shinsuke. Leader, lead dancer, sub-vocal... he was the one who looked the most worn out. Kita still managed to maintain a smile as he gestured for Tsukishima to sit down, his leg slightly wobbling as he stood in place. Tsukishima sat in an empty space next to Kuroo, and Akaashi went back to Bokuto. 

“Looks like we have everyone here,” Kita notes as he looked around, “In case of you haven’t met or seen me, my name is Kita Shinsuke. The rest of the group is here too. I’ll look forward to helping-“

Kita went to take a step forward, but his leg buckled underneath him. Everyone lurched forward to catch him, but there was one person who was already there.

Miya Atsumu. Center, lead rapper, producer, another all rounder... and Kita’s significant other. That’s what a lot of people knew, the same going for Osamu and Suna. 

”I told you not to work your ankle too much,” Atsumu sighed as he helped Kita up, “Sit down, we’ll still listen.”

Hesitantly, Kita took a seat in the empty spot next to Atsumu and the rest of Silver Lining. That was one of the things few fans and people knew... Kita’s ankle fatigue. For a group that focuses on visual performance, Kita had always pushed himself to bring the best for their audience. Tsukishima remembered hearing about the accident he had. Kita sprained his ankle during a huge award show, so he ended up performing an almost ten minute arrangement on it. People assumed that’s what started the fatigue, but in reality, he already had it when he entered the company. It just got worse as they were overworked.

Kita sighed softly, “You know why we’re here. I’ve been waiting for another person who remembers their erasure experience,” he said as he looked up at Kuroo, “It must have been tough on the both of you.”

Kuroo reached over to squeeze Tsukishima’s hand, “We’re all back to normal. Now we just have to keep it that way.”

Kita nodded, “With Kuroo’s input, we’re already ahead in witnesses. Daishou... he’s been abusing his power and connections with “The Brain”. Erasing and altering the memories of those who have information against him... he could have done that to me and Atsumu. The only reason he didn’t was because there was no other way for the information we collected to be confined,” he scoffed, “Coward.”

Atsumu clasped his hands, “More like a bitch. He’s always planning something. His family goes with his proposals... it won’t be long till he asks for some sort of drug or vaccine that will get rid of anything instantly.”

”So what’s the plan?” Oikawa asked from his corner, “We can jump right to it, but it would be safer to go in knowing some things. I did just find out this... yesterday.”

”First of all, we have to gather information. We can dig up old dirt about _Viper Entertainment_ through social threads since many people are suspicious of the company,” Kozume suggested. 

”Good,” Akaashi snapped his fingers, “We need more though... and for that we need to get into that office.. Kita knows about that.”

Kita nodded, “Kuroo... you probably woke up before they actually did anything, am I right?”

”Yes... is that not supposed to happen?” Kuroo asked.

Kita shook his head, “The only reason you could recover your memories was because your job was done sloppily. The sedative was supposed to keep you under until the end of the process. Sakusa wouldn’t happen to be the one who sedated you...?”

”Yeah, it was him...”

”I knew it,” Kita said in affirmation, “Sakusa did the same thing... he asked for my help. He figured out the whole plan Atsumu and I had to expose Daishou. I don’t think he’s on their side.”

Tsukishima rubbed his chin, “If Sakusa meant what he was saying, then that would mean that he might be experiencing some sort of mistreatment as well.”

Kuroo softly gasped in realization, “So that means we can ask him to aid us with the information Daishou might have around in his office.”

”Bingo,” Suna murmured, speaking up for the first time. He yawned, “If the Ushijimas get on our side, we have some sort of power with us.... I’m so tired of all this.”

Iwaizumi hummed, “And what if he’s just trying to trick us into trusting him? We still have to weigh our allies and enemies...”

Kita sat up, “If you heard his voice when he asked me to help... you know that’s someone who’s desperate to escape another person.”

Tsukishima watched as everyone started talking about their ideas and objectives. Everyone was really all in. It really was all or nothing. To think that a single person caused so many people to spiral down the path of pain... to think that single person could make a mess of so many lives...

He wouldn’t accept that.

All or nothing with this group of people... but it would be better if no one else got harmed. He had just gotten everything back, so he couldn’t afford to lose it again. No one could afford to lose what they had.

A group of people who had enough with the treatment from the higher ups... it was like a movie. The weak go to take down the strong and bring some sort of peace back.

The weak usually win.

Kita spoke up over the rest, “It’s settled then... I’ll have a little talk with the Ushijimas sometime this week. If this works, there’s no turning back. Agree?”

Everyone nodded. 

Alright...

It’s all or nothing now. 

And everyone was going for the kill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1000 hits :D  
> A filler chapter, but we're just getting started. Thank you guys for reading as always!


	21. Skit: The First Time We Met...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skit: The First Time We Met...  
> From: Silver Lining's 3rd Anniversary Package 
> 
> KS: The first time Atsumu and I met... well It grew to be... competitive.  
> MA: He entered last minute and won a competition which I worked my ass off for. Of course I was a little pissed!  
> KS: First prize in the academy fall solo competition. The only one I won.  
> MA: You deserved it. People don't know talent when they see it.  
> KS: Did you hate me or not? You kinda sent mixed signals.  
> MA: You already know the answer to that ;)

_Tokyo’s_ _Academy of Music and the Performing Arts. It was well-known for churning out dancers and singers who would always succeed in their future careers. The academy was also known for holding their seasonal competitions, in which the different sets would show off their best acts. The main blocks were dance, acting, music, and cinematography via short films. Each block would then be broken down into smaller categories. For example, dance could be broken up into house, contemporary, hip-hop, etc._

_This year, they decided to leave the blocks into one huge theme. Each blocks had different themes.  
_

_Originally, Kita wanted to join the music block. His producing skills were on par with his dancing ones, but the music category had a much broader theme. “Happiness”. It was an easy theme as well. For some reason though..._

_He was drawn to the dance block theme._

_It wasn’t even a generic word . It was a whole quote._

_”I don’t hate you, I love you. But loving you comes at a cost which will kill us both. We must parts ways... even if we don’t want to say goodbye.”_

_It was much more of a challenge than the music block. He just felt like he could make something pretty extraordinary out of it. It wasn’t like it was too late to enter...._

_So, on the day of the competition, Kita placed a song down and signed up. No, he didn’t have a routine in mind. He was just going to wing it. After all, to him dancing meant following your emotions in the moment. To follow the rush that suddenly overtakes your mind... that’s the art of dance._

_Kita placed his duffel bag down as he found a locker in the dressing hall. He looked around, spotting all the colorful props that people brought with them. Some groups were practicing the routines, while others tried to calm themselves down. There only one other set of categories and that was between the group, duet, and solo dance. The styles were mixed in though, so there was no separation in that aspect._

_He sat on the benches that were near the lockers, taking off his shoes and socks. Kita moves his ankle around. Alright... he should be able to last longer. Ankle fatigue for a dancer is obviously not the best thing in the world. He had been getting treatment though, so his endurance was going on stronger. Kita took out the roll of athletic tape he always carried, ripping out pieces to place on his left ankle. He received a few stares from the other dancers, but Kita ignored them._

_Kita got dressed into his fresh clothes. That was the only thing he coordinated with his song choice. It was a long sleeve royal purple shirt, with sheer sleeves. High waisted and loose black pants came it with it as well. Kita left the top two buttons of his shirt undone, and he ruffled his hair a little. He was going for a “disheveled” look. Other than that, he didn’t need any props or extra dancers. Contemporary... it was something he was good at, but maybe he should have gone with his usual dancing style..._

_”Do you think one of the Miya twins will take the win again?” some dancer asked his partner as he walked by._

_”Probably. They’re always busting out with some sort of fancy routine. They did a duet last year, but this year they went their separate ways. Osamu found a dance partner. Suna? You know him?”_

_”Oh the incredibly flexible one. They seem like a good match up.”_

_”Too bad for Atsumu. His style on contemporary can get a little wild... it’s supposed to be delicate in some ways, right? Maybe he’d suit the freestyle category if there was one. He could just dance to whatever style and mash them up together.”_

_”Knowing him though, he’d probably take the win either way. He has artistic fans this time. The silk ones? Yeah... those. I’d be surprised if anyone could beat him with no props.”_

_Kita glanced over to the other dancers in the area. Atsumu... Miya Atsumu... oh. That monster rookie the teachers talked about._

_”Alright dancers! First six performances of the solo section get ready! The other six wait in the second warmup room!” the coordinator of the group called._

_”Only twelve?” someone asked as they got up, “I thought there would be more.”_

_”This kind of concept is better within a group or duet. The solo dances are going first since there are less of them.”_

_Kita placed the rest of his things in locker and closed it up. He followed the other dancers to the secondary dance room, which was much smaller than the main one. People started to stretch and hydrate themselves. Kita looked around at the other dancers. They all had props. Was he the only one without something?_

_”Oh my god it’s Atsumu,” a girl dancer whispered, “I didn’t know he would be in this half!”  
_

_”I dare you to go ask him out,” her friend giggled, “Maybe you can become like, his destined partner.”_

_Kita glanced to where the girls were squealing at. He saw the back of the man, wearing that same sheer back and sleeve shirt that most of the male dancers wore. It was all white, which made his skin and blond hair pop out. His pants were white, then fading to black. The veils of the fans were also the obre transition from white to black. He was waving around the silk fans he had, trying to perfect the flowing movements of it. The man turned his head slightly to look at the girls._

_”Be quiet,” Atsumu hissed, “I didn’t prepare this dance for months only for loud mouths like you to ruin the impact of it all.”_

_The girls zipped their mouths shut. They quickly turned back to their own warmups. Kita slowly looked away. Those hazels eyes were burning a hole right through Kita’s back. Kita focused on his own stretches, making sure that his ankle would fold out on him during his own performance._

_As time slowly passed on, more dancers trickled out. Kita went over basic steps as more performers went to show off their best skills. It was already dwindling down to the final two. Him and... Miya Atsumu._

_”Hey... you seem familiar,” Atsumu suddenly spoke up, “You’re... ah! Kita Shinsuke!”_

_Kita turned his head to look at him, “Okay... and?”_

_”Aren’t you that senior dancer who totally busted during the quarter finals? You gave up half way your routine because of something.”_

_Kita flinched. Not that again. He quickly recovered himself, collecting his calm surface, “And that’s none of your business. I’ll deal with my slumps on my own time. Why don’t you just focus on your own dance?” he muttered as he stood up._

_Atsumu stood up as well, “A slump? That just seems like a lack of effort to me. You’re just doing this to compensate yourself, aren’t you?”_

_Kita sighed, “Are you scared of possibly losing to someone who threw away their chance at nationals? I didn’t know the Miyas were scared of some nobodies.”_

_”Ha! We’ll just see about that,” Atsumu challenged._

_“Last two, come out to backstage!” The coordinator asked._

_Atsumu took his silk fans as he walked out of the warmup room. Kita checked his ankle one last time before following him to backstage. They went over a few more things, such as the placement of the cameras, touch ups on the face, and so on. Atsumu was first to go, while Kita was the last act of the solo division. Ah... what a heavy burden._

_”Presenting this years favorite candidate for winning, Miya Atsumu. He will be performing a traditional and classical Chinese Veil Dance. This dance is typically performed by females, but we’ll see what twists Miya Atsumu will add to make it in his own style,” the announcer drawled out._

_Atsumu went on stage calmly, but the crowd was already roaring for him. Kita crossed his arms at the squeals of fangirls. Atsumu held up one of his hands, bringing it down to silence the crowd. He was known for doing it... total silence. Someone could even hear a pin drop from how quiet it got.  
_

_Atsumu went down to the floor, laying his fans out as he fixed his starting position. He was sprawled on the stage, looking up at the lights.  
_

_The music started. Traditional Japanese. He integrated China’s dance but Japan’s music. Interesting. The music sounded sorrowful... looks like Atsumu was interpreting the fans as the person he had to let go of.  
_

_Atsumu slowly sat up from his laying down position, his hand extending towards the light as he did so. It was suddenly yanked down to the fans, Atsumu’s face crumpling up as he looked at them. He twisted around, doing his best to express how hard he’s trying not to go back. As Atsumu got up and danced around the fans, the temptation must have gotten to him. Atsumu picked up the fans, gracefully dancing along with them. There were sharp movements in between, the veils of the fans moving in jagged movements as Atsumu incorporated dance steps that required strong strides. It was a bunch of dance styles mushed together..._

_It was captivating._

_At some point, one of the veils caught around Atsumu’s neck. Intentional or not, Atsumu worked with it. He acted like it was choking him, which was an allude to the “killing love” the quote referenced to. As the song came to on end, Atsumu untangled himself from the veils, throwing the fans up in an intricate way. He spun and went to the floor, barely catching them before they dropped onto the ground. He was breathing heavily, the face of agony still on his face as he looked back up at the lights._

_End._

_People clapped as Atsumu got back up, heading backstage. Atsumu glanced at Kita, a small smirk appearing on his face._

_”Beat that,” he whispered.  
_

_Now listen here, Kita isn’t a very competitive guy. Sure, maybe he’d provoke people once in a blue moon, but he wasn’t really into the whole competitive personality. But... if you have the audacity to humiliate him by bringing up his past mistakes before the show... if you had the audacity to bring up the preliminary competition that he messed up because of the appearance of his ankle fatigue...and if you had the nerve to act so high and mighty around the other dancers who worked so hard..._

_Then he was willing to shred you to bits._

_He took in a deep breath as the announcer called out his name. Some people cheered for him, while others murmured those past events about him. Kita went on his knees, bending over in a fetal position as his starting pose.  
_

_Song: Bruises by Lewis Capaldi._

_”Counting days, counting days, since my love and up and got lost on me...”_

_He slowly looked up, his fingers gingerly touching the air as if it was a calendar. Kita jerked his head to the side, his hand coming down on his mouth as the “lost” part came on.  
_

_”And every breath that I’ve been taking since you left feels like a waste on me.”_

_His hand moved away from his mouth, lifting it ever so slightly away from his face. His other hand pulled on his shirt as his chest rose. Kita mimicked the action of someone bringing him up, leaping to the other side of the stage. He swiftly went back to the ground as he landed, throwing his torso low as the “waste on me” was spoken. His hands grabbed at the floor, desperately looking for something._

_”I’ve been holding onto hope that you’ll come back when you can find some peace, cause every word that I’ve heard spoken since you left feels like a hollow tree....”_

_He pulsed up and down, twisting his body around as he danced back to center stage. He flipped himself back up on his feet, gliding across the stage as he searched and searched for the person who left without saying goodbye. He threw his hands in the air, moving his fingers intricately as he brought them down to his chest, hugging himself to bring comfort._

_“I’ve been told, I’ve been told to get you off my mind, but I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind. Oh my lord, oh my lord I need you by my side.”_

_His hands went up to his head, shaking it as he ripped them away from his hair. He kicked one leg up, his hand touching his toes before traveling down his leg and then up his other arm, touching the “bruises”.  
_

_Deep breath. This was the part that would kill his ankle._

_”There must be something in the water, ‘cause everyday it’s getting colder and if only I could hold ya, you’d keep my head from going underwater!”_

_He spun on the ball of his foot, his hands extending outwards as he held it. Once the spun ended, he ran to the opposite side of the stage, doing a light jump and then recoiling back, holding himself again as if he was freezing. His hands shot up again, one pulling his head up, but then the other shoved it back down. He fought with himself, going back to the floor. His legs shifted around as he slowly moved back to center, now on his knees. He twisted his torso in a half circle, his arms slowly moving in the same direction as the searched for the lost love._

_He recoiled himself, going back up on his feet with just his lower body strength. He mimicked the action of floating, looking around as his hand pulled on his shirt again._

_”It’s your love I’m lost in, your love I’m lost in, your love I’m lost in, and I’m tired of being so exhausting... your love I’m lost in, your love I’m lost in, your love I’m lost in, even though I’m nothing to you now...”_

_He searched, slowly going back down on his knees as his hands reached out. One pounded on his chest, while the other dragged across the air. Kita went back up, leaping carefully across the stage and spinning slowly back to center. He looked out in the crowd, his hands crawling back up to his head as he acted out.  
_

_He lost his love, but now the person reappeared in front of him.  
_

_Kita faked out a scream as the sound built up again, going back to the “something in the water” verse. He kept going with the fluidity, his legs moving on their own as they poured out the last of his strength. He reach out, bringing his hands back to his head as he pushed himself down. He went onto his knees again, back in center. Kita dragged his hands as the piano played away, each fingers gingerly touching a part of the stage. Kita bent backwards, lifting his arm in the air and extending his finger back to the lights... as if he didn’t keep his head up above._

_The love killed him.  
_

_End._

_He breathes heavily as he maintained his position. There was absolute silence. Kita didn’t know if something went wrong or if they just hated it that much... maybe he shouldn’t have entered last minute... maybe he shouldn’t have gone with his gut-_

_Suddenly, the crowd exploded into cheers and clapping. Kita brought himself back up, looking out the the audience.  
_

_A standing ovation._

_He laughed out of surprise. Kita bowed to the audience, leaving the stage as the curtains closed for the judges to rule out the winner. One of the stage workers gave him a towel, for which Kita thanked them. Kita grabbed one of the nearby water bottle, his breathing still erratic from the dance. His ankle... oh it was swelling up. It was definitely going to hurt more once the adrenaline rush left._

_"Would all solo acts please come back to the stage for the awards!"_

_Kita took one last deep breath before going back to the main stage. As the twelve dances stood in a single file, Kita ended up standing next to Atsumu. The man was looking at him with such an intense stare..._

_"We'll announce 6th-12th place on the board."_

_People looked up at the board. Kita expected to be in sixth._

_He wasn't._

_"Now for 4th and 5th."_

_4th? 5th?_

_He wasn't in either. Top three... that hasn't happened in a while._

_"And our top three. In third place, we have Eguchi Aika! Congratulations."_

_Oh?_

_Kita felt his heart pounding. Second place would be really nice..._

_"First prize. Congratulations.... Kita Shinsuke!"_

_The audience clapped. There was a flower crown placed on Kita's head, while someone handed him a small trophy. First place... first place! It had been so long since he had won a competition. His ankle would always give up on him near the end... this was the first time where his ankle didn't fold in on him. That's actually a huge milestone for him..._

_When they went back to the dressing hall, someone disagreed with the win._

_"Who the hell are you?"_

_Atsumu was leaning against the locker next to Kita's. His arms were crossed and his eyes narrowed as he looked up and down at Kita. Atsumu kept his stare on him, not moving an inch from his place._

_"You know who I am. Kita Shinsuke... the one who flunked quarter-finals," Kita quietly repeated as he took off the flower crown, gently placing it in his bag. He also placed the trophy in his bag. Atsumu still had the fans in his hands. He was folding them up as he shook his head._

_"You can't be the same person... you entered this competition last minute, how could you have had enough time to even make something like that?" Atsumu mumbled as he kept burning a hole into him._

_"I went with my gut. No routine.... just feeling."_

_Atsumu slammed his hand against the locker, "So you're telling me.... I lost to a dancer who just waltzed out there with no intentions of winning and with not set plan? I prepared that dance for months, I learned how to use these for months... and it all washed away because of some washed out dancer?"_

_Okay, now that's too much._

_Kita took his duffel bag out of the locker, slamming the locker door shut, "I guess you did. Dancing isn't about winning... it's about getting your message across through your body. If some washed up dancer could do it better than a monster rookie... then you have a lot to think about."_

_He stormed out of the room, leaving Atsumu behind. Once he was completely out of the theater area and in the empty halls of the school, Kita squatted down on the floor._

_"Shit," he muttered as he cupped his own face, "Shit..."_

_Kita could take on some measure of insults... but once someone called him "washed up", "broken", or anything along those lines, everything went haywire in his mind. Kita loved to dance. Even with his ankle fatigue getting worse... he still danced. He couldn't live without dancing. Kita worked very hard to build up his endurance and his strength... and that rookie shoved all of that to the ground._

_Those words stuck with him all day._

_A few weeks later, Kita was in his classes, warming up in the practice room as the next lesson was being prepped. Duets and duos... Kita was the odd one out. He was specifically left out with no partner because his teacher said someone else was coming in._

_"Kita, you're at a high level than the rest, even with your injury. Between me and the other teachers, we thought that you pair perfectly with this student. He's a year younger, but he's moved up to the advanced classes very quickly. I hope you two get along for the next two months, and until we do the recital for the duet. Come in!"_

_Kita turned to look at the door. The smile that was on his face immediately dropped._

_"You!"_

_Atsumu was gaping at him. Kita felt his heart drop all the way down to his stomach._

_"Uhm... you two know each other?" the teacher asked._

_"Let's just say that we have some sort of acquaintance," Atsumu grumbled._

_"Oh... well, I'll let you two get to it then," the teacher smiled as she walked to another pairing._

_Atsumu stood in front of Kita, "We meet again."_

_Kita crossed his arms, "It seems like it."_

_Silence._

_"It's a free duet for the recital. We can do whatever we want," Kita relayed the instructions, "Original, cover, whatever you can think of. Personally, I don't mind. You can choose what you want to do for the grand finale."_

_"Keone and Mari Madrid. Look them up," Atsumu bluntly replied, "Cover."_

_Kita popped his lips, "Okay then. Great."_

_And that's how their "teamwork" started. They hesitantly followed the lessons with each other, grumbling in between spins and dips. The moment class was over though, they would go their separate ways. They exchanged phone numbers, but it was strictly on the future dance recital. "Numb and Getting Colder" choreographed by Keone and Mari Madrid. The choreographers were well known for their sensational K-pop dances and Justin Bieber's "Love Yourself". The song Atsumu chose was definitely more intricate in subtle movements..._

_He could already feel his ankle creaking._

_Not to mention, there was a lift and spin. What the hell was the guy thinking?_

_One month in, they had actually met up after class and tried to practice the choreography. The rest of the month was dedicated towards the students to practice their routines. Kita and Atsumu had snagged a practice studio. They jumped right into it, the two syncing for the first half. There was a certain part Kita was worried about... the heavy jumps. That was... not good for him._

_Surely enough, the moment he tried it, he fell over._

_"Let's try it again," Atsumu murmured._

_Fell._

_"Again."_

_Fell._

_"Again."_

_Fell, fell, fell, fell...._

_"Again."_

_Kita shook his head, grabbing his left ankle, "No. That's it for today.'_

_Atsumu sighed, "We're not even half-way through. You can't give up after, what... five tries? Come on, just because you have a win it doesn't mean you have to get all cocky. You don't want to end up washed up again, do-"_

_"Enough!" he yelled, Kita could feel the blood rising to his face, "I am so sick of you! I'm sick of you bringing that up, I'm sick of you pretending to be some sort of bastard, I am so sick of you judging me based on one single event! Do you want to know why I asked to stop? You want to know why I "washed-up" in the quarters? This... this is why!"_

_Kita harshly rolled up his sweats, revealing his bandaged ankle. He ripped off the athletic tape, exposing the bruised ankle. It was purple, blue... not good. He overexerted himself for that competition, he did it for classes, and he did it when he was practicing the recital on his own. All that pent up stress just exploded. This was the first time he had snapped at someone..._

_He tried to calm himself down, "This... this is why. I have chronic lateral ankle pain. When I was younger, I sprained my ankle, but it never healed correctly. This was the result. I still dance... I've been getting medicine for it, I've been wearing tape... but it still hurts. I flunked quarters because I overworked myself to perfect the performance. It was too much of a strain. I fell, and I didn't have the strength to get back up. It's simple as that.... are you happy now?"_

_They stayed quiet._

_"Do you want to know why I got so upset over not winning?" Atsumu murmured as he sat next to Kita._

_Kita looked at him. Atsumu's wore a frown for once._

_"Everyone has high expectations for me. You got my brother, who already found the perfect partner and is going on a roll. My mom is a well-known choreographer, my dad is a great music video producers... all I have is awards, but even those get old. I guess I got so pissed because you... you danced freely. You weren't trying to impress anyone, you weren't trying to win... you genuinely performed for yourself."_

_Atsumu laughed a little, "Don't get me wrong, I love to win. It just started to feel... dull. I constantly have to up myself in order to keep that high reputation my family built. This shield I have is just for myself, just a reminder that there is always watching me. I know I've hurt people... I know I can come off as a bad and greedy person, but I swear that I'm good in some aspects. I'm sorry... I didn't know that you had that condition. I shouldn't have done that."_

_Ah._

_The Miya Family._

_Kita forgot about their reputation. For someone young having to live up to such a high name, it probably took a toll to the mental and physical health of the person. Not to mention, there was probably people who were smack talking about him for his connections. Kita's had his fair share of it... even if you could ignore it, those kinds of snide remarks still hit hard._

_"Then don't do it for them."_

_Atsumu looked at him._

_"If you want it to be fun, think of yourself. You love to win, so win for yourself. You love to dance, so dance for yourself. You want to build your own name, so build your own name. Become the better person you want to be," Kita nodded, "No one is obligating you to keep the reputation up... if they're watching, stare right back at them and slap them across the face with your raw self. And I'm sorry too... for breaking out like that. Looks like we have more in common than we think."_

_Another moment of silence._

_"C'mon," Atsumu jumped back up, pulling Kita up with him, "We are going to the nearest pharmacy and we are buying you an ankle brace."_

_"Excuse me, what?"_

_"Ankle braces are better than athletic tape. Also, we are restarting this whole relationship. Hi, I'm Miya Atsumu and I'll be your dance partner, blah, blah, all that mushy stuff. Let's go!"_

_"Okay, I'm Kita Shinsuke and I'll be your dance partner, screw expectations, and let's go."_

_"You could at least put more enthusiasm."_

_"I just yelled at you... and you want me to yell again?"_

_"...Yes?"_

_"I'll pass."_

_One week before the competition. Kita adjusted the brace on his ankle, fully laying down on the opposite end of Atsumu. They gave each other a thumbs up. Okay... third time is the charm. That lift and spin was giving them a lot of trouble. The rest of the dance was fine... it was just that one part. Over the past weeks, they have sharpened and perfected their dance. Of course, there was resting periods in between for Kita's sake, and there were breaks for Atsumu to eat properly for once in his life, but everything was going smoothly._

_"Let's go," Atsumu said as he pressed the remote that played the song on the loudspeaker. He slid the remote across the room, quickly going back into his position as the song started._

_They went through it. When the hard parts came on, one of them would yell out the sequence._

_"Heel, heel, and small jump. Pulse, pulse, move to alternate sides... and slow!" Kita said as they synced._

_"And switch jump, back to alternate ends, sync... and flying jump, ready go!" Atsumu continued as they did so. They continued on for a little... the time was coming._

_"Alright... lean back, hold me up, bring me back.. and one step back, now Kita!"_

_"Swing and up!" Kita added on as Atsumu looped around him once he got the height, bringing him up and over his shoulder. They continued with the dance, the lift and spin part only being a small fraction of it. He was soon brought back down, and they finished off the song. Kita grabbed Atsumu and brought him back down, the ending position being the same as the starting one._

_"Nicely done," Kita clapped as he stood back up._

_Atsumu jumped back up, "Nicely done? That's it? We finally got it. We did amazing!" he hyped the both of them up, "We're about to take the recital by the horns and bring it down. I mean, look! I can do it easily now."_

_"Wait-!"_

_Just on instinct, Kita already did the small height addition as soon as Atsumu got the idea to repeat the move. He smiled out of embarrassment as he ended up on Atsumu's shoulder again, "Really?" he asked._

_"What? If it's that amazing then you have to show if off again," Atsumu said as he looked ahead of him, staring into the mirror wall. He turned to looked at Kita, but their faces were a little too close. Atsumu stared at him, those hazel eyes burning into him as they looked on intensely. It was different from the first time he stared at him like that... there was something underneath it._

_Kita could feel the tips of his ears burning._

_Atsumu suddenly looked away, coughing as an excuse to do so, "Okay... back to the top."_

_"Back to the top."_

_"And that's a wrap! Good job everybody. Kita and Atsumu, wonderful execution! Look forward to some entertainment companies reaching out... I'm sure they'll be happy to recruit you as soon as possible."_

_They took their bags, changed back into sweats, left the locker room, and they went all the way back to the same dance studio they've been practicing in. The placed their bags down, looking at each other as the stood in the room._

_And then Atsumu proceeded to freak out._

_"Yes! Yes! We did great, the companies liked us, and that was the best duets I've done in so long," Atsumu gushed out as he repeated some of the dance moves, running and jumping around, "I haven't felt like this since... since I've danced in elementary! Oh that was incredible. And your ankle didn't give out, and you're still standing perfectly fine... even your endurance is better!"_

_Atsumu picked him up out of excitement, spinning around as he kept gushing on about the performance. A surprised yelp came out of Kita, but... he didn't mind. A smile crawled up Kita's face. There it was. He was finally doing things for himself._

_"We did it! I did it! You-"_

_Atsumu turned to look at him, their faces being awfully close again. The intense stare wasn't there anymore... it was softer. The underlying feeling that Kita never caught onto was finally revealed._

_Desire._

_"You... did it," he murmured, his eyes slowly going lower and lower... his face was getting closer..._

_Kita's eyes widened as he felt Atsumu pressed his lips against his. He could feel Atsumu's warmth starting to burn as his face became flushed. Kita closed his eyes, sighing softly as he just... went with the flow. When did it happen... probably the time they finally got the lift right. After that it was constant practice, constant late nights.... the times Atsumu would run out for athletic tape, the times Kita would dash to the nearest 7-11 to get food before Atsumu's lack of food got to him..._

_It just... happened._

_Kita felt a smile against his lips, which caused him to softly smile as well. Atsumu started to laugh quietly, small giggles coming out in between kisses. Kita felt himself laughing along with him._

_”How did we even get here?” Kita softly asked as they grabbed some air._

_Atsumu smiled at him, “Well... you told me to do it for myself. I just did it...”_

_”I wanted you for myself.”_

* * *

Kita looked out the window of the dance room that was under his complex. He tapped his foot as he waited for the arrival of someone.

He looked down at his left ankle, staring at the new ankle brace Atsumu had given him. Orange. Not bad, but he liked the classic one better.

It’s ironic how the person with the worst leg condition is the lead dancer. It could have easily been any of the other three, but for some reason that was the position assigned to him. Silver Lining... composed of the two greatest duos to come out of the Tokyo’s Academy of Music and the Performing Arts. It really could have been anyone else to be the lead dancer.

Yet... Daishou chose him.

And Kita felt like it was for a specific reason. That snake always had his eyes of Atsumu... maybe it was for his talent, or maybe it was for his connections... but there was something wrong about Daishou choosing him to be lead dancer.

He wanted to know why. More importantly, it would give more information to go against Daishou. Manipulation...

Kita looked back up at the window. He stood up straight as he saw the person finally arrive. He had made the excuse that he couldn’t go to work because of his ankle, but that he still wanted to keep up with the choreography that they were learning. Kita went to the door, opening it for...

”Director, a pleasure to have you here,” Kita politely said as Sakusa nodded at him. He moved to the side, allowing Sakusa into his dance studio. Kita closed the door, making sure that no one else was around. He darkened the windows, turned on the lights, and faced Sakusa.

”Very tidy and clean,” Sakusa appreciated as he looked around, “This is about your house though. This isn’t about your ankle either...is it?” Sakusa carefully asked. 

Kita nodded, “ _I’m so sorry... please save us_. I know. If that proposal is still in the air, I have more help. The only thing is that we need a little more...” 

“Power,” Sakusa finished his sentence, “That must mean that Kuroo remembered. You all know that even we have certain limits around Daishou, right?”

”It’s more that we will ever have,” Kita pointed out, “Let me ask a few questions first...”

Kita reached into his pocket, pressing the record button on his hand held recorder.

”Did Daishou purposefully make me less dancer in attempt to get me out of the group right off the bat?”

With no hesitation Sakusa replied, “Yes. He was going after Atsumu’s line of being connected with the video production industry. Unfortunately, he saw you as a threat to it since you care a lot for Atsumu. He never liked you... he was just using you as some pawn to get to him. The only reason he didn’t go after Osamu was because that half of the twins had already built himself up with Suna. He found you and Atsumu to be an easier target.”

”And are you and Ushijima really not apart of this?”

”First of all, I know you are recording this so you don’t need to hide the recorder,” Sakusa drawled out, “Secondly, no. We aren’t siding with him. We are just as oppressed as all of you guys...”

”I wanted to be secretive incase if anyone was watching. You could be bugged you know,” Kita pointed out, “Anyways... what exactly is Daishou doing to you.”

Kita watched as Sakusa pulled out a orange prescription bottle. He tossed it to Kita, who caught it and looked at the label. Memory Suppression Pills... Alpha Ver.?

”They are on the verge of being illegal drugs,” Sakusa sighed, “Daishou specifically made that pill for me and Wakatoshi to take at the end of each month. It pushed down all the bad memories of Daishou’s doings. Only a few memories stay on the surface since it is a flawed product. It has very strong withdrawal though... fevers, migraines, vomiting... all sorts of things to drive someone mad. Basically, if we don’t take it... there is the possibility of us dying.”

Kita’s lips curled back into a sneer, “Bastard.”

”We were waiting for Kuroo to remember,” Sakusa continued, “Us... the Ushijimas, are willing to help you all in any way possible. We want him out of that position as much as anyone else would.”

Kita smiled, “You think you could get us some of those documents and records he’s been hiding?”

Sakusa stepped up to him, extending his hand out to Kita. Kita grinned, taking Sakusa‘s hand into his. Looks like they’ve found themselves a strong partner. If they could get the records of “The Brain” that Daishou had around... that would be perfect to justify the stories of Kuroo and Kita. Anything else would also help put more dirt to Daishou’s name. Slow steps... it may take a while, but either way, they all had the same goals and desires.

Get rid of Daishou Suguru.

For once in his life, Kita saw a grin on Sakusa Kiyoomi’s face.

”To hell with that snake... you have my word, Kita Shinsuke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Atsukita is cute, I rest my case. We'll be getting to know the other pairings along the way of taking down the snake.  
> Also woah, this chapter is very long whoops.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQ2hTznAzTo  
> Numb and Colder
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	22. For the Record...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the Record - unreleased song   
> From: the deep archives of Daishou Suguru (after everything went down hill)
> 
> For the record I am aware of this,  
> I know who I am, who I’m meant to be  
> For the record, I know the bliss  
> I know what I was, but who was she?  
> If I can’t remember, then it wasn’t meant for me.  
> For the record... I’ll become the way you wanted me to be molded.  
> I’ll become someone people can behold in  
> I’ll do it for the records.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because all bad guys have their sad origins :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!

A few days have passed since Kita had asked Sakusa to retrieve some sort of information for their team. Aside from the pills, Sakusa had also managed to sneak away some of the sedation vaccine that Daishou had prepared for other erasures. Of course, he replaced it quickly and made sure not to leave a trace of him beings there. Getting information required him to stay a little longer than usual at the company... and Daishou had been staying longer as well. Ushijima left earlier, but he was working with his own resources to find a way to get to “The Brain” and it’s hidden records. 

Today, Daishou would be entrusting Sakusa to organize the “blue” file box, which was all of the files that Daishou locked away. For some reason... he felt like Daishou was starting to lean towards him than Ushijima. It had been that way for a while, as Sakusa was given more of the tasks that involve the dirty work, but this... this didn’t sit right with him. Nevertheless, it was still an opportunity to get some documents or at least make copies. 

Sakusa had hauled the box over to his own office, placing the heavy box on his clean desk. Sakusa quickly looked around his office, checking for any signs of someone else watching. Nothing... Daishou must have a lot of confidence in the Alpha Erasing Pills. Sakusa opened the lid of the box, staring down at the various papers that were shoved in there.

"The Brain" had a quite recognizable symbol. It was very light blue paper, with the logo of the industry being tangled lines that eventually formed a brain. Of course... Sakusa couldn't risk anything. He pulled out his set of gloves from his desk drawer, snapping them on as he finally went to pull out the papers.

"Oh my god," he muttered to himself, "This many people...?"

Sakusa felt his eyes shake as he stared at the long list of people who had appointments under Daishou's name. This could be... at least half of the company. He knew that there were a lot, but this was too much. There were names in bold font. Kuroo Tetsurou, written down as successfully erased. There was... a separate list under "immediate erasure protocol." Kita Shinsuke, Miya Atsumu... they were written down since they've caught Daishou. 

Sakusa felt his heart drop as he looked at the rest of the short list...

Ushijima Wakatoshi and Ushijima Kiyoomi.

He was ready to rip them apart too... why? Weren't the pills enough?!

Sakusa immediately ducked down to the printer under his desk, placing the list in for copying. Sakusa proceeded to search through the other papers, finding more records about "The Brain". There were orders for the making of the Alpha pill, information about Daishou's relationship with the industry, the information of the doctors who always did the procedures...

He quickly copied the Alpha pill order and the papers that spoke about his mother's power. Once they were copied, he hid the papers within his other work, placing it carefully into his bag. He erased the information of the copying on his printer. Sakusa soon went back to organizing the box as he was told to. There was some more general information, nothing special. 

There was one last folder at the very bottom of the box. He had already finished the others. Sakusa took out the old file folder, opening it up to see what was inside. 

"What...?" he muttered to himself.

There were magazine clippings. Daishou was in them, smiling brightly at the cameras. Successful EDM artist, big-time producer... they were all titles Daishou had before his CEO position. Sakusa squinted at the younger version of the CEO, looking closely at something on his hand. 

A wedding ring?

No... that can't be. Daishou was never married.

Sakusa scanned through the other clippings. In all of them. Daishou was still smiling at the cameras, the ring still around his finger in each and every one of them. Sakusa had noticed that there was someone being cut off in each of the clippings. There was a sliver of another body being next to him. Sakusa went to the very end of the folder. There was a USB at the end. Sakusa carefully took it out, slipping it into his bag. He would have to take a look later. The last photo was a complete one.

"She said yes," Sakusa muttered as he read the neat writing at the bottom of the picture. It was Daishou again with... the person who would have been his wife. They looked happy. The girl was holding up her hand proudly, showing off the ring. The picture captured a frozen laughter as Daishou had his cheek pressed against hers. They really did look happy...

"Knock, knock," someone called out from behind the door, "I'm coming in,"

Sakusa was still holding the picture in his hand as Daishou entered the room. Sakusa froze in his seat. The CEO walked up to his desk, looking at the pile of neatly organized folders. He nodded at them, then looking back at Sakusa.

"You always get the job done quickly," Daishou praised, "That's a quality I've always like in you, Sakusa. Since it seemed like you're done, I'll take that-"

Daishou's eyes landed on the picture. For a split second, Daishou's eyes wavered, but it quickly returned to the cold stare he had always worn. Daishou took the picture out of Sakusa's hands, staring at the girl in the picture.

"Where did you find this?" he asked, an eerie tone seeping into his voice.

Sakusa clasped his hands, "This folder was at the very bottom," he said as he slid over the old folder, "I wasn't sure what to do with it since it isn't related to any of these documents or records."

Daishou looked at the open folder, glancing at the newspaper clippings, "Ah... my mother gave me that folder."

He said that a little too casually.

"Mika-chan," Daishou sighed out, "I only remember a few things about her."

"She seemed important to you," Sakusa cautiously added. 

Daishou threw the picture back into the folder, "Not to my family." 

Sakusa dared to ask something, "Did your... family have something against her?"

Daishou giggled, "Something against her? Mika-chan? Oh Sakusa... you care too much about other people who you don't know, don't you?" he laughed as he glanced back at Sakusa, "Mika-chan..."

Sakusa felt chills go up his spine.

"My mother absolutely despised her. So she did the one thing she could do... she **erased** her memories of **me.** "

* * *

_"I don't think this is such a good idea..."_

_Daishou glanced over at his fiancee. Mika fiddled with her skirt, staring down at the ground as they sat at the dinner table. Daishou reached over to her hands, taking one of them in his. He squeezed her hand gently, giving her a reassuring look. Mika took a deep breath in and dragged out her exhale. She nodded back at him.  
_

_Across from them, his parents were seated. They quietly cut away at a steak, the scratching of the forks against the plates irritating Daishou. He shook his head as he looked ahead of him. The word of Daishou’s very early engagement got around... his parents were either pissed or pleased, there was no in between._

_”I thought we agreed on having you marry Sana,” his mother bluntly spoke up, “Didn’t we agree on that dear?” she asked as he glanced towards his father._

_”Sana was in line to be the next chairwoman of Shooting Star Labels. It would have been a great opportunity for you to build up Viper Entertainment for when you took over from director to CEO, Suguru. You must be able to hold up the company in more than one way,” he drawled, “We’ll always have a share to help the company stay afloat, but we can’t do that forever.”_

_Daishou sighed, “We also talked about how I should be able to have some of my own freedoms... including who I marry?”_

_His mother laughed, “Suguru, sweetie... look at who you’ll marry. Your hairstylist and special effect artist. It’s not like she has a name in the industry either. Do you have any idea on how much it will taint your name?”_

_Mika tightened her grip around Daishou’s hand._

_”There are plenty of people who marry outside of fame, and it usually turns out fine. I don’t have to marry that other girl just because she’s a heir... I haven’t even heard of her until today!” Daishou argued._

_”Enough Suguru,” his father sternly replied, “I’m just warning you... things could have been easier if you have taken our route. But... if Mika here makes you happy, then I’m okay with it. It’ll just be harder on your career.”_

_His mother crossed her arms, “I don’t like the idea-“_

_”Enough dear,” his father cut off his mother. His mother glared back at the two, her eyes narrowing at Mika. The tension was a little too thick for them...  
_

_Daishou got up with Mika, slightly bowing at his parents. He thanked his father for his words, and nodded at his mother for her input. They walked out of the dining room, briskly walking back to Daishou’s car that was outside. Once they were seated in the car, the two sighed out heavily._

_”That was nerve-wracking,” Daishou nervously laughed._

_”You think?” Mika laughed in return, “Oh they hate me... I understand why I was shaking, but why were you so scared?”_

_”What? I don’t have a right to be nervous introducing my wife to my parents?” Daishou smiled as he looked over at her, “Maybe I should have introduced you before we got engaged. I did tell them about you, but... they kept talking about Sana.”_

_Daishou had mentioned his girlfriend to his parents, but they always pushed it aside. He even showed videos and pictures of them together, but they would ignore him and return back to their work. Work, work... that’s all their lives revolves around. Daishou had warned Mika about this, and she seemed to understand it. It was upsetting... but she still took into consideration the type of people his parents were. They had also gotten engaged during an explosive era of music, so their announcement got swept up in the swing of things._

_”We were both busy, it’s understandable,” Mika reassured, “Besides, now they just have to deal with it. We’re engaged, it’s too late to go back now.... they can’t do anything against us, right?”_

_Daishou reached over to brush her bangs away from her face, “My father is okay with our marriage. That’s all that matters to me. My mother has always been stingy about these kinds of things... but I swear that she’ll eventually warm up to you. You’ll be the next top hairstylist in the music industry,” he grinned._

_She playfully grinned back, “Hell yeah, let’s start those hair trends!” she teased, giggling at her own jokes. Daishou smiled endearingly at her. Ah... this was the women he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Mika was his hairstylist when he was going on tour for his EDM tracks. Daishou would liked to call himself a great singer, but he knew that auto tune was the thing that saved him most of the time. So, instead of singing, he released party tracks. Those became popular for raves, as well as a few songs in which people actually liked the talk box voice. Mika would do his hair and makeup, always traveling along with him and helping him look his best. It was no surprise to him when they actually started to like each other. Their relationship wasn’t announced, but people had quickly discovered their engagement on the tabloids. That’s how his parents came to know about his decisions._

_Daishou could care less._

_He leaned over to Mika, planting a kiss on Mika’s cheek. She laughed softly, “Gross! It was all wet,” she retorted._

_”What’s that? You want another?” Daishou jabbed back at her complaints.  
_

_”Suguru!” she continued to giggled as he kissed her cheek multiple times. Mika fought back, suddenly leaning over to him and blowing a raspberry on his cheek. Daishou chuckled, “Ew... cooties.”_

_”Are we in grade school or something?” she gently smiled as him, now placing a softer kiss on his cheek, “What? Do I have to put gum in your hair to tell you that I love you now?”_

_”Nah... this is enough,” Daishou softly sighed. He lifted his hand up to her face, tilting her head ever so slightly so that he could properly kiss her. She smiled into it, another soft laugh coming out. Beautiful... such a beautiful sound. He could listen to her laughter all day. Daishou pulled away from her slightly, resting his forehead against hers. She scrunched her nose up in that cute way that she would always do, then she placed her hand on the back of his head, gently ruffling his hair. He loved the way she would always play with his hair... oh he was so into her..._

_”I love you,” he whispered softly, “I love you so much.”_

_”I love you too,” she sweetly responded, “Let’s live a long and happy life together, promise?_

_”I promise.”_

_Weeks passed, and they were already heading into preparations for the wedding. Daishou twisted the wedding ring on his finger as he looked outside his office. It was late... he should be going home by now. He glanced down at his phone, checking for any new messages or calls. Even if they were busy, Mika would always make room to at least check in on him. If not, Daishou would check in on her. He frowned as nothing appeared._

_She hasn’t talked to him all day.  
_

_Daishou perked up when he saw his phone light up. He immediately picked it up, answering quickly, “Mika, did something happen-“_

_”Dear, it’s me.”_

_”Oh... mother,” he collected himself, “What brings you to call me? After all... you’ve been ignoring my other calls the past few weeks.”_

_”Now, now dear, you know how busy things get here,” she defended herself, “Do you think you could swing by “The Brain”? I forgot something very important in the observation room, and I need it in order to complete my report. I’m already back at headquarters, so it’s a little too much for me to go back. Do it for me, Suguru?”_

_Daishou sighed, “Yes mother. Which observation room?” he asked as he grabbed his jacket, already walking out to his car._

_”The one above the erasure room four. Thank you so much sweetie!”_

_She hung up. Daishou shoved his phone back into his pocket, leaving the company behind. He got into his car, driving a few minutes away until he arrived at “The Brain”. The employees already knew him since his mother was apart of the industry’s executive board. Daishou nodded at the workers, asking them if he could go into the observation room to pick up something his mother left behind. They allowed him to go in... but they looked rather worried.  
_

_Daishou entered the observation room, looking down at the surgery or “erasure” room below it. Someone must have an appointment this late. The wires were already being prepped._

_He looked around the room, but there were no papers or folders in sight. He looked under the chairs, under the small coffee table... nothing. Daishou was about to call his mother again-_

_“Suguru, sweetie!”  
_

_He looked over at the door entrance. His mother walked through the door with her assistants and guards behind her. They closed the door. Daishou took a step back... he didn’t like this aura._

_”Mother?” Daishou carefully asked, “I thought you said you were at headquarters?”_

_”Oh dear, did I say that?” she feigned innocence, “My mistake. What I meant to say is that I have a little surprise for you, my son. Oh, I have such a wonderful surprise... you’ll thank me later.”_

_She gestured down to the erasure room. Daishou looked through the sound proof glass. His mother was pressing down on the microphone that allowed sound into the room. The doctors hauled in a struggling body. The person’s frame was shuddering violently as they screamed and cried, their hair waving around viciously as they tried to break free..._

_As **she** tried to break free._

_No._

_”Mother... is this some sick joke?” Daishou coldly asked as his stare stayed on the top of the person’s head. No... it couldn’t be. The girl lifted her head up at the ceiling, tears streaming down her face as she cried out again._

_Mika...._

_”Mika... Mika!” he shouted, his heart dropping to the very bottom of his feet. She looked wildly around at the sound of his voice, her head snapping towards the observation room, “Suguru?...Suguru! Please! Help me-!”_

_One of the doctors slapped their hand over her mouth. She screamed into it, promptly biting the doctors hand. The doctor didn’t budge. She cried and cried... oh he hated to see her like this!_

_Daishou ran to the door, but the guards blocked his way. Daishou sneered at them, “If you don’t fucking move, I will-!”  
_

_The grabbed him, pushing him back to the window. Daishou shouted as he fought against them, desperately trying to get back to the door. They locked him into a hold, forcing his gaze back down on the erasure room. Daishou felt his eyes shake as they forced Mika down on the bed. She still struggled, ripping her wrists away from their grip, but they would catch her before she could do anything else._

_”Yamaka!” he yelled again, trying to break free from the grip of the guards “Yamaka, I’m still here! Don’t worry... I’ll find a way to get you out-“_

_His mother turned off the mic. Daishou snapped his head towards her direction. She wore a sinister grin as she approached him, reaching out to his face as she looked down at the room._

_”Suguru... in life you can’t get what you want all the time,” she quietly said as he roughly grabbed him by the chin, pointing his head back down to the erasure room, “Sometimes you have to do a little more in order to succeed. Why do you think your father and I married? Love? No... opportunity. Look where it got us!”_

_She leaned close to his ear, “Where will she get you? Where will you end up if you marry her? Happiness? That won’t last forever Suguru... love is a broken message. It’ll wear out eventually. Once you succeed in life though, you’ll leave your mark in the world. You’ll get to do whatever you want with all your power...”_

_”No.... no, you don’t understand!” he shouted at his mother, “Mother... mom, please don’t do this!” his voice quivered as he watched the doctors connect Mika to the wires. She sobbed quietly._

_”For the record, it’s for your own good, Suguru. You’ll have to learn the hard way,” she said in her sweetest voice, “You can’t always get what you want... but you can always find a way to move up towards your goal. You don’t want her... she won’t help you thrive. It’s obvious that neither of you will give up on each other... so we’ll do this the hard way. So watch, Suguru. Watch as she forgets everything about you... use your pain to strengthen yourself... and become the best version of yourself to make me proud.”_

_She turned on the mic, “I’ll let your hear her last words... but I won’t let you speak to her.”_

_One of the guards covered his mouth._

_”Suguru!” Mika yelled, “Are you listening?! If you are... you still have to keep your promise! Live a happy and long life! I won’t be bitter if you find someone else... but if anything happens between us again.. if I see you again and I remember you... I’ll run back to you!”_

_Agony rose to his throat as a muffled scream ripped out of his throat. Not her... not her! Please.. don’t take her away!_

_”I love you! I love you... I love you...”_

_Her voice slowly faded away as she went under. The guards released him, but they went to block the door. The procedure had already started._

_”Mika... Mika.... Yamaka!” he cried out as he looked down at the room, his vision blurring from the sudden rush of tears that came out. His mother looked down at him, her cold stare staying on as she watched him cry. He pounded his fist against his chest, desperately trying to calm down his breathing rhythm. His chest heaved up and down as he looked at the room. Choked sobs came out as he kept his stare in her face._

_She looked so peaceful._

_His mother made him watch the long process. The next morning was already coming upon him as they finished up with Mika. All of the strength in Daishou’s body was gone, his chest still rising up and down heavily as he watched them take her away to a resting room. He could feel his swollen eyes sting from his all night crying. He shakily breathed out as he stood back on his feet, wobbling from side to side._

_”Go retrieve the ring that she still wears, Suguru,” his mother sternly ordered him, “You’ll be marrying Sana as planned.”_

_Daishou weakly nodded. The guards moved to the side as he went out the door, slowly walked to the room in which they placed Mika in. For a proper recovery on such a big erasure, she would have to stay a few days to monitor her. Daishou found the room, sliding the door open as he stepped into it._

_The tears rolled down again._

_Oh... she looked so peaceful.  
_

_Daishou walked up to her bed, his breath hitching up as he pushed down a sob. She wasn’t going to wake up for a while. He looked down at her figure, gently reaching out to brush away her falling strands of hair. Daishou looked down at her hands. With a pained heart, he lifted her left hand as slid off the marriage ring. She wouldn’t remember. It was a proper procedure. There was no chance of her remembering him._

_”Yamaka... I’m so sorry,” he quietly murmured, “I’ll do my best to life happily, okay? I promised you... but...”_

_He squeezed his eyes tightly, “I’d rather life a happier life with you. I’m so sorry if I’ll end up breaking that promise. Forgive me in advance, hm?” he said as he talked to her resting face. Cautiously, Daishou leaned over to her head, placing a very gentle kiss on her forehead, “I love you... I didn’t say it enough, but I love you, Mika Yamaka.”  
_

_He felt like it was just a few days ago when he was laying in bed with her, the two snuggling in the warmth of each other as they held one another close. He would plant those kisses on her, and she would smile or laugh softly in return. Now here she was, peaceful as ever... but once she woke up, she would never remember the name Daishou Suguru.  
_

_He took the ring in his hands and left her side._

_So long... my first love._

_As the months went on, Daishou lived with the pain of remembering. His mother seemed rather pleased with her actions, setting up all the dates and locations for his wedding. When the day actually came, Daishou took the rings and ran off the alter. He ran and ran and ran as far away as possible from that place. He could never marry someone like Sana. There was no spark, no love... it was all business. She was the complete opposite of Mika._

_Sometimes, he would feel like he was hallucinating that Mika was still around him. There were times were Sana’s face turned into Mika’s. He could get past her... she was still in his mind, but he would never be in hers again._

_Time dragged into slowly, Daishou found it harder to work and he found it harder to find any sort of motivation.  
_

_His mother noticed._

_”Suguru... if you don’t get your act together, do you know what will happen?” she said in a low voice, her arms crossed against her chest._

_”Yes,” he mumbled in return, “I know.”_

_So before his mother could touch him, Daishou did it himself. He erased the memories he had of Mika... but he kept a handful of them to himself. Not enough to remember her properly, but not enough to forget her completely. She would still be in his mind... but just as someone that he used to know._

_Numb._

_That’s how he felt after it was all said and done._

_He wanted to feel something again. He needed to feel something again. Daishou invested all of his time and efforts into the company before he took it over. He worked and worked... desperately trying to feel some sort of emotions while doing so._

_Then it happened._

_One of the older groups his father built had a scandal between relationships. It was severely impacted their profit and the group as a whole._

_”What do you think we should do, Suguru?” his father asked as he mother stood in the background._

_Daishou felt a smirk coming on. To feel what he felt... to see how tough life really could be..._

_”Erase their memories... and that will reset them,” Daishou simply stated, “There’s a way to do it, isn’t there mother? Father?”_

_His mother beamed at him, “That’s my son. Now you know how the real world works, Suguru.”_

_Numb._

_He would watch those forced erasure with no expression on his face. His employees would watch in horror as they looked above, spotting Daishou’s cold eyes gazing down at them. He didn’t feel a thing when it happened. “If you want to succeed, then there are some things you should forget about.” he told himself all the time. The only time he would feel some sort of joy was when a relationship was broken.  
_

_”Yes... that’s how it is. You don’t always get your way... if you want to keep your name in the game that is the entertainment industry, you have to give up the things that you love... no one will want you if you’re with someone, no one will care if you have someone... you belong to the world... not to your precious lover.”_

_He convinced himself that relationships were a terrible thing for artists. He convinced himself that love was indeed... a broken thing. From then on, Daishou proposed a dating ban on the company, which his father accepted after he was forced to disband the group that caused them trouble. Daishou focused solely on the company... how to bring in profits, how to grow, how to make the next big thing...._

_Then he realized that some relationships were best to be flaunted.... but he could also use the industry to break them apart. Silver Lining, the first group he formed under his father, was composed of two couples. Daishou had meticulously planned how to tear them apart in order to benefit off of the twins name... but they were more persistent than he thought._

_Oh well... the mass publicity and work will get to them._

_He used various methods to keep his new belief in policy. Love was a luxury in this world... not everything goes your way... you have to kill in order to survive..._

_Whenever someone would take a sneak at his erasure files, he would quickly send them off to get work done in their memories. Daishou would grin at the moments he saw them begging for help. It was pointless._

_This is what power was like. He could do anything he wanted to._

_So he did that._

_He would make any single person who gets in his way feel what he felt all those years ago._

_Watch._

_Watch as you become a person who you can make me proud to have in this company._

* * *

“I only have a few memories of her... but she’s long gone. I’ve learned everything the hard way when it came to this industry,” Daishou sighed as he closed the folder, “Everything about us was quickly covered up... now I’m known as one of the rich bachelors around.”

Sakusa furled his fists up. So Daishou... he caused pain to others just to feel some sort of satisfaction. He did it because he was raised to do such things in order to thrive in life... he was practically brainwashed into thinking it was okay to do such things...

He became a carbon copy of his mother.

”I suppose you are wondering why I am telling you this,” Daishou said as he walked around to Sakusa’s side, “Why didn’t I simply erase all your memories? Why didn’t I treat you two directors the same as any other employee? It’s pretty obvious since you two always do the harsh work for me, but I’m sure you are wondering....”

Daishou got rather close to him, “Why do I make you do more of it than Ushiwaka?”

Sakusa backed up his chair.

”It’s quite simple... you’re just like me... and you’re also just like her. You have that underlying pain of being forced to do something, but you just can’t fight against it. So, you tell yourself that what you’re doing is for your own good, for the company’s good... you’re benefiting yourself. Isn’t that why you married Ushiwaka?”

Lies.

That wasn’t right at all.

”You don’t know anything about my personal life,” Sakusa calmly replied.

Daishou stepped closer, “Oh please! Your face is never wavering when you’re with him. In ever shot, you always have the face of someone dying inside. Even at work, you show nothing towards your husband. Do you really think that I wouldn’t recognize that?”

He was placing his own experiences into Sakusa’s position. Daishou was denying reality.

”You want to survive in this world. You can’t do it with someone like him, Sakusa. Do you know why I choose you over him?”

Daishou grinned, “You’d have potential becoming more if you were with me. Wakatoshi will always be satisfied in his place... but you want more, don’t you? You want to contribute more to the concepts and actual plans, don’t you? You don’t want to be a pawn, you want to be a king, hm Sakusa? You even go by your old last name in this place... you aren’t satisfied with your life, are ya Sakusa?”

He was trying to get into his mind. He was trying to hit the vulnerable spots of his mind.

Daishou really was a copy of his mother.

The man leaned too close for Sakusa’s comfort, “Oh... your eyes are shaking. You don’t like close space? Mika didn’t like crowding either. Look at you... naive, reserved, softer features... you remind me of her,” he smiled.

Sakusa narrowed his eyes at Daishou, “I don’t want any of this.”

Daishou had the audacity to laugh, “Sakusa... you don’t understand. In life, you don’t always get what you want...”

Sakusa flinched as he felt Daishou placed his fingers underneath his chin.

”I’ll always be ready to alter your memories. Even of your marriage... I could change your memories from Ushijima to myself if I wanted to. You know you’d be better off without him... and you know that I would get you a remedy to recover from the Alpha pill drawbacks. You wouldn’t have to live like that anymore... all you have to do is drop him.”

Sakusa’s eyes widened. A remedy?

There were remedies to the doings of “The Brain”?

”Kiyoomi, it’s time to go-“

Sakusa watched as Daishou’s smirk turned into a nasty grin. Was he trying to make Ushijima see this to misunderstand? Oh... how funny.

Ushijima knew Sakusa too well.

”Get your hands off of my husband,” Ushijima’s voice rumbled as he walked towards them. Daishou simply let go of Sakusa, grabbing all the folders and placing them in the box. He took away the box, and then left with a smirk as if nothing happened.

He was a strange character.

Sakusa let go of the breath he didn’t realize he was holding, “Wakatoshi, it was just-“

Ushijima had made him way to Sakusa’s side, suddenly grabbing his face and pressing a hard kiss onto his lips. Sakusa’s eyes widened at the sudden gesture, his recovered breath being taken away by him. Ushijima pulled away, turning his head away from him after he was done.

”Oh my god... are you... jealous?” Sakusa held back a laugh, “Toshi... I would never go to someone like him. He’s so... greasy... that’s all I can think of. You’re the one who I married... do you really think I could be swayed by a touch on the chin and some sort of bribing?”

Even if Ushijima gave off a tough character, he really was just a sweet person. That side would show to people who he opened up to. Ushijima looked back at him, some sort of embarrassment written across his face, but he still looked angry at Daishou’s actions.

”I know... but he touched you nonetheless. He tried to take you away from me? That’s not going to be possible,” he stated as he looked into Sakusa’s eyes, “I’ll make sure he knows that this relationship isn’t just something born for publicity,” he quietly murmured as he looked at Sakusa up and down. 

Sakusa almost choked on his own spit, “Oh... I see,” he said as he felt the embarrassment rising to his face. 

”How the tables have turned,” Ushijima smiles as he looked at him, “Let’s go home, shall we?”

Sakusa grabbed his bag, Ushijima taking his hand as he lead Sakusa over to the car. Sakusa looked into his bag, making sure that he had the copies of the papers. He would have to give these to Kita later.

He pulled out the USB that was in the old folder. He stared at it, flipping it over to the other side as he spotted a label.

Oh this... this was definitely a good thing.

With this alone, they already won.

It was the camera records of the erasure process for all the victims... including Kuroo and Kita. 

There was something else he was rather curious about though...

  
Was there a remedy to all processes in “The Brain”? 


	23. Strawberry Blond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strawberry Blond - cover, original by Mitski  
> From: the archives of Kuroo Tetsurou 
> 
> Look at you strawberry blond,  
> Fields rolling on, I love it when you call my name  
> Can you hear the bumblebees swarm?  
> Watching your arm, I love it when you look my way!  
> Look at you strawberry blond,  
> Fields rolling on, I love it when you call my name!

“Holy shit.”

The next morning, Truly Neon has gathered to look at the information that Kita had passed onto them. Silver Lining had a full schedule today, but Truly Neon had their day off. Kuroo had dragged Tsukishima along to their little reunion at his apartment, who also had a break today. Within the files, they found the list of those who were affected, the various receipts for a horrific pill, a few other records, and more information on his connections with "The Brain". Kita had also received a USB from Sakusa... which had several videos.

Security cam tapes of what happened in the company on the days of people's erasures. They saw Kita's, they saw several of the companies managers, security guards, secretaries, stylists... so many people had their memories erased. 

They came across Kuroo's video as well. 

Everyone stayed silent as they watched Kuroo run throughout the company. It was different seeing it through video.... Kuroo felt like now that his memories were back, everything was very vivid. He could feel terror running through his veins just by looking. He clasped his own hands as he felt them tremble. Next to him, he could hear Tsukishima's shaky exhale. It wasn't easy for him to see that either...

Akaashi closed out of the video, "That's enough. We know what's in this now."

Oikawa cleared his throat, "Tetsu-chan... are you alright?"

Kuroo looked away from the computer, "It's in the past. Besides, I got my memories back. What's important now is to get him out of that office before anyone else goes through that. If we compile this, the Alpha pill, and the rest of the proof of their abuse of power... then we got him."

"I don't know," Kenma and Iwaizumi said at the same time, "This seems too..."

"Easy," Tsukishima finished their sentence.

"We got Sakusa's help. I don't think he would have expected that since he had them on the Alpha pills," Bokuto pointed out as he looked at the prescription bottle they had received, "How did they even swallow these? They're thick...I wonder if-"

"Bokuto, don't try it," Akaashi intervened.

"I wasn't going to," Bokuto said as he placed the bottle down, "It's just so weird... if they could make things like this, and if they have so many unreleased products, then why isn't there a recovery method? Some people remember the day they go in to erase things, but what if they regretted it? What if they wanted to get that erased thing back? Shouldn't there be that option?"

"I guess so... but only some remember the day of their erasure. That means that they only remember going into "The Brain" for a process. Most people who go in erase bad events," Iwaizumi replied, "If they happen to get curious about what they erase, it's likely that it could be a traumatizing one that they bring back. Remedies should be available though... at least for those who got work done on them wrongfully."

"They need to bring back the contract," Kenma built on Iwaizumi's thought, "The contract that used to be issued for erasure would assure consent and would mention what exactly was erased. Since people can just go in now, people and companies took advantage of the lack of a contract. If we do this properly, we can also issue for a revamp of the contract."

"So we have to prepare our information, issue some sort of press meeting, and propose a new contract for erasure. Not to mention, we still have to take into consideration what will happen to the company and re-compensation towards those affected," Kuroo concluded, his sentence fading as he realized something, "Oh god... this is going to take a while."

Everyone sighed. On top of their busy schedules as artists, they have been working hard to find anything else that could be useful. They've found past doings of _Viper Entertainment_ before Daishou was in charge, as well as a few scandals that have happened with his mother and the directors of "The Brain". Most of the information was found buried within other articles. The company really did try to hide everything, so they've been slowly uncovering it while doing their own work. It so tiring, but the end result should be promising. 

If they could keep it together, that is. Ugh... it was worse than a comeback schedule. 

The silence dragged on for a long time.

”Okay, even I can’t stand this,” Kenma sighed out, “Everyone go out. We need to know when we should take a breather.”

“We still have to do this-“ they were about to argue, but Kenma was quick to cut them off.

”No, today is a break day. A free for all. We’ve been chipping away at this for weeks and made great progress, so we deserve a time to unwind right?”

”Right, but-“

”I’m not taking that excuse,” Kenma cut off once more, “Iwaizumi, you’ve been wanting to go hiking with Oikawa, so go do that. Akaashi and Bokuto, you guys need to expand your vinyl collection, and I just happened to recommend you a great store the other day.”

The two couples looked at each other, “It wouldn’t hurt to go out for a bit...”

”And you two,” Kenma turned to Kuroo and Tsukishima, “You guys probably haven’t been on a date in _years._ Go out and have some fun. As for me, one of my other friends contacted me to go to a gaming cafe. We all have our plans, so go. Take a break.”

They were about to give one last argument, but Kenna simply shook his head. Even if he seemed like he didn’t like to go out, Kenma still liked to make sure that no one was overworking themselves and that they were doing other things in between. He was usually the one who called the members about for their bad habits, and he was the one who made them take a break when things were getting hectic. Akaashi would do the same on occasions, but even he got lost in work and flooding thoughts. 

Hesitantly, everyone went their own way. Kuroo lead Tsukishima to the car he used when he went on personal outings. Fans recognized his convertible, so Kuroo bought a different one for his own reasons. It was a classic yellow Volkswagen Beetle. A “Buggy”... or as his friends would call it, a grandma type car. He didn’t mind though. Kuroo thought it looked charming.

They sat in the car for a while. Kuroo drummed his fingers against the wheel, while Tsukishima was fiddling around with the ring on his finger.

”I don’t know... do we really have the time to let our guard down?” Tsukishima murmured, “We don’t know what could happen if we don’t get this ready soon... someone could end up going through the same thing you did. It could even be someone from your group or from Silver Lining. It's not good to do this in the middle of a brewing storm.”

Kuroo turned to look at Tsukishima. The blond was still twisting the ring around his finger, his chest rising and falling deeply. Of course... he was worried. Everything had just returned to normal, but there was always that lingering feeling that it could be taken away all over again. A wrong move could drag everyone down, and Tsukishima could end up bringing the blame to himself. 

Kuroo shook his head, "Kenma is right. We can't exactly work properly if our minds are going to be clouded by everything that's been happening. So, let's go clear our minds. Once we clear our minds, we can work with high motivations and stronger mindsets. Besides... you don't want to go out with me?" Kuroo faked a pout as he tilted his head down.

"That's not what I'm saying..."

"Tsukki! Do you hear that? It's the sound of my heart shattering," Kuroo dramatically cried out as he slumped back into the chair, "Oh my poor soul... you can hear the sorrow of rejection seeping into my veins-!"

"Okay, okay!" Tsukishima stopped him before he could continue, "We'll go out... but I'm still not sure if now is the best time."

Kuroo sat back up in the seat, "I have the perfect kind of date for these stressful situations. Tsukki, we are going to your apartment to pick up your cameras. I'm not telling you where we are going, but we'd better pack snacks. It's far away, but that means that there will be no paparazzi or fanatics," he pointed out.

"I guess that's okay," Tsukishima nodded as he stopped twisting the ring around his finger. Kuroo smiled as he placed the key into the ignition drive. With a huge grin, Kuroo exclaimed happily out through the open windows as they drove on:

"Vamonos!" 

* * *

After hours of Orange Rex Country, "I Spy", and Kuroo almost raging at some animals that refused to moved out of the road, they reached a serene point of the country. Tsukishima glanced outside the window, sticking his hand out to feel the cool breeze that was whisking away stray petals from nearby fields _. Powfu's "Death Bed"_ was quietly playing on the radio as they passed by various fields of flowers. It was that odd point between summer and fall: not too hot, not too cold, but just at the perfect weather. Kuroo hummed along to the song, turning the car into a road that broke off the main road. 

Oh.

"I know where we are," Tsukishima murmured as he looked at the familiar fields, "This is the field that has a small river at the end. I came here with you to shoot photos for my collage segment of my art portfolio."

"You got it," Kuroo grinned, "The flowers aren't in full bloom as they would be in the spring, but it still looks great. If there is anything more relaxing than taking pictures of a field on a day like this, then I would be very surprised. It's a public place... so we could probably find a spot near the river if you want."

Kuroo pulled to a very small parking space, in which there were a few other cars. Tsukishima stepped out of the car when it was fully parked, looking around the fields. A few people were walking around with their significant others, and there were also a few photographers around. The fields were mixed with yellow, white, blue, and stray patches of dried out grass. Kuroo hopped out of the car, opening the trunk of the car to take out what they brought. Tsukishima grabbed his camera bag, opening it up to assemble the Canon camera to his liking. He looped the camera strap around his neck, then reaching over for his Instax Mini 9 Polaroid. Tsukishima handed it over to Kuroo.

"You liked to take a lot of these," Tsukishima said as Kuroo looped the case around his neck.

"I haven't looked through the box that Akaashi gave me back yet," Kuroo replied as he grabbed one last small bag and placed it on his back, "Once I look through it, I'll see if any of the old photos are there."

They closed the trunk. Kuroo looked out on the path they would walk on. Tsukishima checked the settings on his camera one last time before they went on. Kuroo took Tsukishima's hand in his, slowly walking down the path as they looked around. Their arms swayed slightly to the silent rhythm of the wind, the crisp breeze cutting through any worries that he currently had. Tsukishima would break away from Kuroo from time to time, squatting down by a pretty flower or standing back to take a picture of the beautiful scenery. 

He was just getting back up from taking a picture of a ladybug on a yellow flower when he realized that Kuroo was wandering between the fields. Tsukishima held his camera up to his direction, looking through the lens as he watched Kuroo wander between rows. The man had his arms out, as if he was balancing on a thin ledge while he walked on. Tsukishima took a few pictures, the sun’s light mixing well with the warm colors that Kuroo skin tone gave off. His tattoo sleeve stuck out like a sore thumb, but it surprisingly blended well with the field of flowers. Even his shirt coordinated with the colors of the flowers: olive green with his light washed jeans and the custom shoes Tsukishima gave him a long time ago. 

Tsukishima didn’t even realize that he was smiling softly as he scrolled through the pictures on the camera.

He looked away from the camera, spotting Kuroo waving a goodbye to a women who had approached him in the field. Kuroo ran back to Tsukishima, something in his hands and he stopped in front of him.

”Ta-da!” he smiled as he held up a small flower wristlet, “That was the organizer of the field. She said- and I quote- ‘Here. For your lovely partner.’ I got one too,” he grinned as he held up his wrist. There were darker flowers that probably came from a different section of the fields, reds and greens mixing into a small arrangement. His wristlet was made from the flowers around the field they were in. Tsukishima took it from Kuroo’s hand and slipped over his wrist.

”It’s nice... once they dry up, I can press the flowers and make a resin bracelet,” Tsukishima thought as they started to walk together again.

”Do that for me too,” Kuroo smiled as he took Tsukishima’s hand again, “It could be our second anniversary gift.”

”It would have been our fifth around now,” Tsukishima reminded, “I guess it’s technically our second though. Sure... that’s not a bad idea, but we already did the resin jewelry thing.”

”Five years... that’s crazy,” Kuroo breathed out through his nostrils, a sort of soft laugh coming out from it, “We would have moved in together.... who knows, maybe we would have been married by then. I’d love to play alongside you in a duo too. What were the name ideas we had?”

”On the Moon or Cat in the Moon. There was also Strawberry Coffee and Warm Nights,” Tsukishima shook his head a little, “You wanted to have a record shop after we retired, one where you could hold open mic performances. It was that or traveling around to keep spreading the music we created.”

”And you wanted to keep busking once we were done. You wanted to take small jobs in between, like singing at weddings or doing live paintings for events. You liked the idea of the countryside too... painting away at hills and small houses,” Kuroo sighed, “It all could have happened sooner...”

There was a certain mix of nostalgia and wonder that hung around them.

They walked on as they were approaching the river at the edge of the field. No one was around that area, only the quiet humming of a distant windmill and buzzing bugs hanging in the calm air. Kuroo let go of his hand again, running forward with arms wide open as he went straight for the river.

”Wah!” Kuroo yelled out as he stopped to take off his footwear and to roll up his pants. He placed down his backpack and camera as well, “Worries go away!”

A small chuckle escaped his throat as he watched Kuroo plow through the water, still extending his arms as he looked out in the other side where there was a different field. Tsukishima sat down in the empty patch where Kuroo left his things. He picked up the Polaroid, checking for the amount of film left. Tsukishima lifted the camera up, looking through the lens as he took a picture. He grabbed the Polaroid once it came out, shaking it to show the image.

It was Kuroo, droplets of water glittering as the aligned with the sunlight. He was caught in mid-laughter, a bright grin outshining the lights around him. Tsukishima placed the Polaroid down next to him, now lifting his Canon camera towards Kuroo.

As he looked through the lens, Kuroo’s figure turned towards him. He made eye contact with him through the lens, Kuroo’s bright smile turning into a beaming one as he waved at the camera. Between photos, Kuroo got closer with each frame, the close up features on his face exuding a soft aura. Tsukishima felt the camera being looped away from his neck, Kuroo now taking it into his hands. He sat next to Tsukishima, swinging his arm around him as he turned the camera into the front view mode.

Kuroo pressed his cheek against Tsukishima’s, “Say cheese Tsukki!”

”Cheese...”

A small whine came out of Kuroo, “Eh? That’s not enough enthusiasm! C’mon, firefly,” he smiled as he softly pressed a kiss on his cheek, “I can do this all day until I can see that lovely smile,”

Tsukishima gave a light scowl, “Kuroo... we’re in public...”

”No one’s around here,” he murmured as he kept kissing his cheek, “Not used to PDA after that long period, hm? We came here to relax. So let’s relax, Kei,” he said smiling against his cheek.

Tsukishima felt the corner of his lips rising up. He sighed deeply as he leaned towards Kuroo, relaxing his posture in the ground as he took in everything. He heard the camera shutter close. Kuroo brought the camera down to them, looking at the picture with a soft smile.

”Album cover worthy,” Kuroo murmured as he showed Tsukishima. It was a very soft rounded picture. Tsukishima could make out his own sun freckles on the sides of his eyes, while a few strands of Kuroo black hair fell away from his bags and rested on the bridge of his nose. Their hair mixed at the top, blond and black tangling in each other’s presence. Kuroo’s bright smile could reach out to anyone who was looking at the picture. Tsukishima’s softer one showed that certain serendipity moment. A few stray flowers and petals hung in the space behind them, along with patches of grass.

”What would you call the album?” Tsukishima asked as he stared at the picture.

”In this garden, emotions grow,” Kuroo quietly said as he leaned closer to him, “The title track would be “Hydrangea”. The lady told me that those flowers meant ‘heartfelt emotions’. Each other track would have the name of a different flower and would be based around the meaning of them.”

”Creative,” Tsukishima nodded as he placed the camera down, “I’ll be waiting for the release.”

”I’ll give you the first copy,” Kuroo smiled as he settled down. 

Tsukishima could feel Kuroo’s soft breathing coming out through his nose, a tickling feeling running down his neck as Kuroo nuzzled his head in the crook. Tsukishima looked up at the clear skies, sighing as he tried to push down one last lingering thought.

”Hey... Tetsurou. Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead,” he softly spoke.

”Are you really going to risk it all for this? Even if Daishou is out of the way... your fans will still have some sort of remorse over finding out about us. Aren’t you scared about that? You built a pretty strong name...”

He could feel a frown from Kuroo, “Kei... you don’t have to worry about that,” he gently reminded. Tsukishima’s gaze went down to Kuroo, who shifted up to look at him properly.

”If our fans truly cared for us, they would stay around. No matter if we are single or dating, they would still support us,” he said as he looked at him, “And if we fall? We just jump right back up on our feet. Music is what matters... even if it gets frustrating when there isn’t a big reach, there’s still the satisfaction of a small group listening. Isn’t that what we’ve always said to each other? To find comfort within a melody?”

”I know... but it still won’t be easy. Everything, I mean...”

”Kei, have some faith in all of us. Have some faith in me,” Kuroo softly encouraged as he tilted his forehead in the temple of Tsukishima’s head, “We said we’ll get through this together. If anyone else does get hurt... we’ll all do our best to help them out. If our careers fall apart, we’ll build ourselves up once more. If we don’t succeed... we’ll try again. And again. And again... we won’t stop trying until we assure the safety of everyone else. Because once we have our mind to it...”

”We have to finish it,” Tsukishima ended.

Kuroo nodded, “Once this is all over, and if this music career happens to wash away, do you know what I’ll do?”

”What?”

”I’ll spend every single day I can with you,” Kuroo laughed, “I want to make up for every single minute I missed. I’ll learn your new favorite songs, restaurants, artists, galleries... everything that has changed in the slightest way. I’ll still keep up with music. I’ll go busking with you, and we can upload those videos to a busking channel. Maybe we can be an online duo. And when you get home from long days of work, I’ll be there waiting for you with open arms. Fame or not, it’ll always be you over anything else.”

”I’ll believe that. And I’ll try to believe in all of us too,” Tsukishima nodded as he looked back at Kuroo.

Tsukishima hummed softly as he felt the worries back down, “Strawberry Blond... I was listening to your cover a lot when you were gone. Your voice goes along with it nicely... it shows how far your range can go.” 

” _I love everybody because I love you, when you stood up and away barefoot,”_ Kuroo started to quietly sing, “ _And the grass where you lay left a bed in your shape, I looked over it and I ached.”_

” _I love everybody because I love you, I don’t need the city, and I don’t need proof,_ ” Tsukishima continued along with him, “ _All I need darling, is a life in your shape... I picture it, soft and I ache_.”

” _Look at you strawberry blond,_ ” Kuroo sang with a small giggle, reaching over to ruffle Tsukishima’s hair.

They continued to softly sing along to the song as they looked up at the sky, their hands reaching up to the blue space with a few wisps of clouds. They took a few more pictures, twined their hands together as the breeze settled down. A few petals danced by them, the sweet and fresh smell lingering around them. Their legs crossed against each other as they laid near the river, a quiet trickle of water filling the area around them with sound.

They tilted their head towards each other, both of them sighing deeply as everything soaked into their bodies. Every muscle that was tense relaxed, and any blood drumming against their heads died down. 

Their worries washed away in that serene moment.

”Clear mind?”

”Clear mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The actual song is really good! Listen to it when you get a chance :)  
> I hope you guys are still reading, sorry for the slower updates :(


	24. Privacy is a Luxury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Privacy is a Luxury - Special Release  
> From: Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime - Truly Neon’s Anniversary Week
> 
> I have all the heavy duty cameras memorized,  
> Canon, Nikon, or the occasional Sony device  
> My anniversary picture is out there, our dates are out there  
> There is no place to go, no where with no stares  
> Privacy is a luxury for someone like me, for someone like them  
> Privacy is comes at a price, but even we don’t have enough for that.

_Iwaizumi loved to go hiking. It was one of the ways he could get a breath of fresh air from the chaos at school. His classmates were fighting over to get him on their bands. Despite not being the most popular person, he found himself around many people who were asking for a bassist. Iwaizumi was one of the handful of people who played that type of guitar, and also the only one who didn’t have a set idea of what to do after college. It was uncomfortable... all those people he didn’t he know or heard of trying to get him on their side.  
_

_Iwaizumi would prefer to play with someone he knew._

_He exhaled deeply as he finally made it to the top. Iwaizumi looked around as he heard a familiar sound. Between the few stray trees that were at the top of the the hiking mountain, he saw the figure of a man. Iwaizumi pushed aside a few branches to get a better look._

_He sat on the ground, his legs crossed under a small blanket. The man's brown hair was bouncing up and down as he moved his head to the rhythm of his sound. The neck of the small Rogue ukulele when ever the chords changed, the man's arms moving up and down carefully with each touch. The music would come to a stop, a sound of annoyance coming out of the man's mouth as he tried the playing the tab._

_Iwaizumi quietly snuck up on the man. He tapped the man's shoulders with light force, "Ah!" he yelled as he got closer._

_The man flinched and held onto his instrument for his dear life. Iwaizumi met with the familiar coffee colored eyes. The man's shoulder slumped once he realized that it was Iwaizumi who scared him._

_"Iwa-chan! Don't do that," Oikawa whined as he relaxed the grip around his guitar.  
_

_”Whatever happened to that song you were practicing?” Iwaizumi asked as he looked at the ukulele, plopping himself down next to Oikawa. The man fiddled around with the tuning of the ukulele, his tongue sticking out as he did so._

_”That’s on the guitar, duh. I just felt like taking these fall vibes into my arms,” Oikawa sighed as he went back to warming up.  
_

_Iwaizumi had known Oikawa for a very long time. In every frame of their lives, they were running and running closer towards their goals. They ran past their first time touching a guitar, their first time playing live, the first time they made their own song, the first time they got into music school... there were a lot of firsts._

_Somewhere down the road, Iwaizumi stopped running. He just watched at Oikawa’s back got smaller as he kept running ahead. Oikawa had everything figured out. He wanted to play in a band, nothing more and nothing less. Many scouters came after him, his collection of business cards growing as one after another came for him. Iwaizumi has a few as well, but all he could say was “I’ll think about it”._

_Oh._

_He also liked Oikawa._

_Sure, some people perceived Oikawa as some playboy or someone who only date as a joke, but that was him at all. Oikawa was just... Oikawa. He knew who his best friend was. Oikawa Tooru, the one who needs at least thirty minutes just to get his hair done. The one who enjoys small cafes that sell homemade milk bread, always ordering freshly made cold brew with it. The one who is obsessed with stationary, so much that he almost choked Iwaizumi to death when he got him a sticker book for his birthday. A sticker book! The one who prefers brightly colored instruments because normally colored ones are, “not expressive enough for his immaculate taste.”  
_

_Oikawa Tooru..._

_The one who overworks himself too much. The one who puts his standards for himself so high up, that even he can’t reach them with a ladder or the highest stairs in the world. The one who brings the blame down on his shoulders, even if he had nothing to do with the situation. The one who almost damaged his vocal chords from practicing too hard... he worked too hard with no rest._

_Iwaizumi had to stop him one time. Oikawa kept shouting in the booth about a certain note. Oikawa almost brought himself to tears as he crumpled down that day, holding back a choked voice as he convinced himself that he wouldn’t make it if he couldn’t hit that note. He kept screaming... Iwaizumi ran into the booth, clamping his hand over Oikawa’s mouth in an attempt to stop him from shredding his voice box. He just did what he could, offering himself for support. Oikawa silently sobbed into his hand, his screaming stopping as Iwaizumi reminded him about his vocal chords. That day, Oikawa’s body slumped over his in defeat, his chest shakily rising and almost meeting with Iwaizumi’s. There was a quiet hum from the sound that was playing through the heavy duty headphones, nothing more ringing out. A strip of light from outside caressed Oikawa’s cheek, and those few stray tears that fell shined across his face.  
_

_He really couldn’t stand seeing Oikawa pushing himself to that extent._

_The only reason he never told Oikawa about his feelings was because... he couldn’t ruin Oikawa’s chance. Most companies would prefer someone who came alone: no accompanist, no partner, no lover. It was hard to manage an artist who had a relationship. Some companies were up to the challenge, but many of them just couldn’t deal with it. If Iwaizumi did get with Oikawa... those offers would immediately shut him out. Besides, he didn’t know what he wanted music wise. It would be fun to play with Oikawa... but he couldn’t drag him down._

_”Iwa-chan? Iwaizumi?”_

_Iwaizumi was looking ahead of him, a hand waving across his face and interrupting the view of the towns below them. He clear his throat, shaking away the thoughts from his mind, “Yeah?”_

_“What are you thinking about?” Oikawa grinned, “Is it a girl? Did Iwa-chan fall head over heels for that shortie in studio five?”_

_He choked on his own spit, “No! She has a terrible attitude... only a shitty person like you would like someone like her,” he said as he recovered himself._

_”Shitty?! Iwa-chan, I am a person of high standards. Besides... only some desperate chick would want a brute,” he joked as he turned back to his ukulele._

_”Dumbass,” Iwaizumi shoved him with some pressure._

_”Stone faced.”_

_”Trashy.”_

_”Porcupine head.”_

_”Brat.”_

_”Short.”_

_”.....Egotistical prick.”_

_”You take that back!” Oikawa gasped, almost dropping his ukulele. Iwaizumi snickered as Oikawa tried to come up with an excuse._

_They sat in silence for a while, only the quiet sounds of the G,C,E, and A strings coming from the ukuleles hollow body. It was the time of day when the sun would set, the sky fading from a bright blue to the low red and orange. There were some leaves falling around them as a quiet breeze swept by. Iwaizumi had his legs stretched out, his feet moving in and out as he looked out at the towns below them. Oikawa sighed softly, uncrossing his legs and shifting around. Iwaizumi almost moved away when he realized what he was doing._

_Oikawa rested his head on Iwaizumi’s lap, a soft exhale leaving his nose as he moves his fingers up the neck of the ukulele. His eyes were closed the whole time, only his eyelashes moving whenever they swept underneath his eyes. He started the beginning of a song._

_”Please don’t give up on me,” he sang, “I know I’m not perfect, but... I’m trying, said I’m trying... so please don’t give up on me, I know I’m not perfect, but... I’m trying.”_

_Iwaizumi quietly joined in, “You’re the only person that I’ve ever trusted, never forcing me to talk until I’m adjusted, so I just wanted to thank you. I know I can be difficult, I know I can be sad, but for some reason you’re still here... standing to my side.”_

_mxmtoon’s, “Please Don’t”_

_Oikawa sang one part louder than the rest, “I just don’t feel safe without you, when you’re gone it just feels so goddamn dreary, so goddamn dreary... and I wanna be there for you too, I mean that’s the least I can do, I’m just working on myself, and I need a little help to make it through... so thank you for being there for me, even if sometimes I disagree with things you have to say to me... but your honesty is really key...”_

_He kept singing till the end. Oikawa opened his eyes to look up at Iwaizumi. No... he sang this song a lot. It couldn’t have another meaning. Maybe it was just a heartfelt thanks..._

_”Okay, let’s try something a little more direct,” Oikawa quietly mumbled to himself as he readjusted his fingers on his ukulele._

_”Wait, what did you-“_

_He strummed away at another song, “Am I allowed to look at him like that? Could it be wrong, when he’s just so nice to look at?”_

_Dodie Clark. “She”._

_”And he smells like lemongrass and sleep, and he tastes like apple juice and peach,” he continued, “Oh you would find him in a Polaroid picture, and he means everything to me... I’d never tell, no I’d never say a word, and oh, it aches, but it feels oddly good to hurt... and I’m not okay admiring from afar, cause even when he’s next to me, we could not be more far apart... and he tastes like birthday cake and storytime and fall... and to him, do I taste of something at all?”_

_He changes some lyrics. No way..._

_”Oikawa-“_

_”Alright! I really didn’t want to do this, but here comes girl in red,” Oikawa almost grumbled, adjusting his fingers again._

_Oikawa looked right into Iwaizumi’s eyes as he sang the line softly, “I don’t wanna to be your friend, I wanna kiss your lips. I wanna kiss your lips until I lose my breath,” he ended as he finally placed the ukulele down._

_Oh._

_This was really serious._

_”Oh, come on Iwa-chan!” he exclaimed, getting up from his lap. Iwaizumi recoiled his legs back, Oikawa using the space to move in front of him, “That was the last song that I had. It was the most obvious one too-!”_

_Iwaizumi silenced Oikawa when he grabbed his face, a sudden emotion taking over his senses as he kissed him. His hands swept through Oikawa’s hair, softly sighing whenever they parted for that split second of air. Oikawa shifted closer to him, a small hum tickling him whenever the sound left his throat._

_”Coffee... it tastes like coffee,” Iwaizumi murmured as he softly kissed the corner of his lip, “Something sweet with a bitter undertone... more like winter than fall.”_

_”How long?” Oikawa asked, mumbling quietly._

_”Senior year of high school, the day we graduated. Once we parted, there was an ache. We were going to different colleges, but then I ended up transferring to the same one as you. The ache went away when I... I saw you. Then everything just started to grow and expand once I fell back into the old habits of being around you. Working together, playing together, keeping each other in check...”_

_He moved away from Oikawa, turning his head to the side, “But then I hit a bump.”_

_”Iwa-chan... you could have told me,” Oikawa sighed quietly._

_He shook his head, “I know that you’ll do great wherever you go, but I really don’t want to hold you down from any of that. You have so many opportunities, but I don’t even know what I want to do. I didn’t tell you because... because-”_

_”You didn’t want to jeopardize my chances,” Oikawa nodded. Iwaizumi could feel him staring, “Look at me, Haijme.”_

_Reluctantly, he looked back at Oikawa. Oikawa laughed a little, “Ha... you’re usually the one doing this. Oh, how the tides have turned! The great Iwaizumi Hajime needs some reassurance,” he teased._

_”And this is why people think you’re a shitty person,” Iwaizumi jabbed back. Oikawa just shook his head and laughed.  
_

_”Sure... I may be a shitty person. I end up thinking of myself and putting myself before other people, but I can still be a good person. I want to draw out the potential of other people, I want to be someone people can be proud of, but more importantly... I want everyone to know how explosive we can be. Do you have any idea how long I wanted to ask you to be a bassist alongside me?” Oikawa asked as he looked at Iwaizumi, “Hm? Ask me how long.”_

_”How long?”_

_”From the first ever live performance we gave at an open mic during our high school years,” he stated with a grin, “Everything just fell perfectly into place. You certainly knew your way around the strings, but there was this energy around you... pure excitement. We can’t be a band with out a few other people... but we can always get a start.”_

_”Are you saying that you want me to join you?” Iwaizumi asked._

_”Yes!” Oikawa exclaimed, “If they want me, you have to come along. We are a packaged deal, two for one or nothing,” he smiled._

_Iwaizumi looked away again, “Are you sure?”  
_

_Oikawa turned Iwaizumi’s back to him, “Your options are yes or yes, nothing more. Geez, Iwa-chan, you really are just a big softie,” he murmured, “So? What do you say?”_

_”Yes. Of course I’ll say yes,” a smile crept up on his face, “And I assume the whole feelings thing comes along with this?”_

_”Packaged deal,” Oikawa responded, leaning into Iwaizumi’s body. He automatically went to wrap his arms around Oikawa. They fell back into the ground, Iwaizumi looking up at the changing sky. The blue skies faded away as the sea of orange and red took over. Warmth came across them, the crisp air that floated down not bothering them in any sense. A beautiful fall day...._

_“...Hey, what if your stage name was Porcupine?”_

_”Shut up.”_

* * *

“Doesn’t this bring back memories, Hajime?” Oikawa asked at he stood at the top of the hiking mountain. Iwaizumi stretched his arms out, taking in a deep breath of the fresh air. Ha... no cameras, no flashes... just nature.

“I’m still not over you trying to introduce me as Porcupine in those first few auditions,” Iwaizumi heavily sighed as he walked over to stand next to Oikawa.

Oikawa linked arms with him, “Hajime, we’ve been through a lot together. If anything, the thing you should still be holding onto is the guilt of ruining my sticker book.”

”Who leaves a sticker book in the bathroom? Tell me Tooru, who would leave their stickers... _stickers_ in a bathroom. Of all places!” Iwaizumi defended himself, “I bought you five to compensate for that one...”

”You can tell that to “ _Vintage Stamps Vol. 11_ ” Hajime. They were so cute too,” Oikawa whined as he recalled the look of the stickers, “Farewell my sweet aesthetic seals.”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, “You really couldn’t appreciate the ones I gave you?”

”Iwa-chan, you use them more than I do. Godzilla. You brought home Godzilla sticker books. I mean the alien one was nice, I’ll give you that, but I can’t look at my lyric book when Godzilla is threatening to set it one fire,” Oikawa pouted.

”That is the peak form of motivation right there,” Iwaizumi crosses his arms, “It’s like, ‘finish this song or I’ll burn it up!’, who wouldn’t want Godzilla to do that?”

”As the years go on, I feel like you are starting to lose your sanity,” Oikawa bluntly told him, “When this is all over, we should take a whole month off. Just stay at home and relax... if everything goes right that is.”

Iwaizumi nodded as he moved his arm away from Oikawa, sitting down on the ground. One leg was up while the other was stretched out. Oikawa sat next to him, leaning against Iwaizumi’s shoulder. Unlike that sun kissed fall day, the skies were the same old blue that they saw any other day. The sun shined brightly on the mountain, rays of sunlight peeking through the scattered trees and branches.

”Hajime,” Oikawa tugged his sleeve after a few second of silence.

”Hm?”

”Look.”

Iwaizumi looked towards Oikawa who was pointing towards the trail they came up from. He glanced over, spotting a fickle Canon DSLR camera lens. A person was crouched behind a few bushes, but they backed away once they realized that Iwaizumi was fuming at them.

”You have got to be _fucking_ kidding me,” he angrily whispered.

”I knew we should have taken the bus. They must have recognized your car... again with the Godzilla stickers, Haji-“

Iwaizumi got up, slowly making his way to the bushes where the paparazzi photographer was. He crouched in front of the bush, sighing deeply as he moved the branches away from the photographers face.

”Really?” he spat, “I can’t have _**one** single day _with him on my own? You climbed this mountain... just for a few measly photos? I’ve seen you around too... you’re from one of the most well known photographers out there. Always getting the pictures up before anyone else... and getting some surprising exclusives.”

”If you’re talking about that one time at the hotel,“ the masked photographer started, “I-“

”You had no right to post those or our conversation online,” Iwaizumi tried to keep his collected surface, “Runway, sure. Date at the mall, alright. Our home before we moved in together with the band... questionable. That hotel hot tub picture, which was taken when you _broke_ intoroom... that’s crossing the line.”

“Your company took it down immediately.”

”Yet, we didn’t sue you,” Iwaizumi pointed out, “So... hear me out. You can leave right now, or I will request for you to never show your face around us for allegedly breaking into our room, stalking, and potentially being a threat. How does that sound?” he said with a strained smile.

The photographer’s eyes had a scowl in them, “You two are just a pair of whores anyways-“

”Do you want a fucking broken camera?” Iwaizumi quietly asked.

”Alright, no need to get so riled up!” the photographer said as they got up, “You’re lucky that I’m not the kind of person to snitch on the tabloids about your attitudes, but don’t be surprised the day that it actually happens.”

Iwaizumi watched as the person disappeared down the mountain. The tension in his shoulders eased away when he saw that the photographer was completely out of sight. He sighed for what seemed like the tenth time, ruffling his own hair as he walked back to Oikawa.

”Hajime...”

”I know, I kinda lost it,” he mumbled, “But Tooru, they insulted us to my face! They had the audacity to bring up that whole situation too and then acted like it wouldn’t offend me or you in anyway... ugh!” he shouted in frustration.

“You’re so cool,” Oikawa grinned as he nudged his shoulder.

”What?”

”You know very well that any other celebrity from the big companies would have the courage to do that. There's always reputation on the line, but you really don't let those photographers get their way," he beamed, "You care more about our relationship than fame, don't ya?"

Iwaizumi smiled, "Damn right. Even if publicity calls us something else, at least we are still doing something we enjoy... together. Just like you said, we come together and we won't break away. No matter what life throws at us."

"Bleh... I barely hear you sound this cheesy," Oikawa faked gagged, laughing a little afterwards, "You should do it more often, it suits you."

"Do you want me to call you Shittykawa again?"

"I take that back,” Oikawa quickly responded, leaning his head against Iwaizumi’s shoulder.

This time Iwaizumi laughed. He tilted his head against Oikawa’s, softly sighing once more. If there were a place where no cameras would follow them, where he wouldn’t have to see his fake smile plastered across magazines or soda cans, where he could just love freely without running away to some secretive place...

If they could just get some privacy... that would be a wonderful dream.

Maybe when this was all over, they could start fresh. Not take any offers to pose them as an ideal couple, put up restrictions on public photography... that sounded great.

As long as everything went well...

Everyone would live a better life.

* * *

In a quiet little record shop, there was a wide display of record players all around the room. Blue, red, wooden, metal... all sort of record players were shimmering in their own way. There were rows of vinyls resting in their respective boxes, the large cases calling out to shoppers with their bright covers. Fingers went up and down the stacks of records, looking for that one particular album with that one particular song.

”Isn’t that our song?” Bokuto murmured to Akaashi.

Akaashi listened closely to the music player above them, “Mhm... it’s ‘21’ that’s playing.”

” _So what more is there to say, we’re twenty one, time to get wasted tonight_ ,” Bokuto quietly hummed, “ _First high that will get us up to the sky, it’s the golden age of twenty one, let’s party until our blood gets pumping_.”

”That is the song that makes our album explicit. Looks like they’re selling the vinyl version here,” he mumbled as he glanced back at the front of the store, spotting their colorful logo.

”It’s a fun song though,” Bokuto continued to hum, “You helped me make it, don’t act like you have not part in it, Keiji.”

Akaashi felt Bokuto lean close behind him , the warmth of his arms resting on Akaashi’s waist. He looked around quickly, “Bokuto... not in public. You know how it is.”

”They barely recognized me with my hair down and a cap,” Bokuto spoke, “Besides... this is a pretty small area. Kenma recommended this place for a reason. He could have told us to go to the record shop in the center mall, but he didn’t.”

Akaashi sighed softly, “I know... I can’t help but to feel on edge though.”

”We’re here to relax. Away from the city, away from the company, and away from all that’s going on,” Bokuto reminded as he moved away from Akaashi, picking up a record from the box next to him, “I know we have to be on our toes, but loosen up a little bit... you look stiffer than a block of wood.”

Akaashi relaxed his shoulders, “Alright... you already have that one.”

”Hey, you can never have too many copies of Queen,” Bokuto smiled as he took it with him. Akaashi softly smiled back at him, turning back to skim through the many selections the store had. He ended up picking out a few, most ones from artists that were active in the late 80’s or 90’s. They browsed through a few more records before completing their purchases, soon leaving the store.

They walked around the small town for a while, their arms slightly swinging next to each other as they stood close. Akaashi would feel Bokuto’s hand brush against his, his finger twitching in response to grab a hold of him. Despite that call in him, his eyes still wavered from side to side. He watched every single person, every small movement, expecting for someone to jump out and-

“Kaashi, your shoulders are shooting up again.”

Akaashi forced his tense body to relax again, “Sorry... bad habit.”

Bokuto stopped walking for a moment, “Don’t apologize... it’s not your fault for feeling like this. You don’t want us to get caught... because you don’t want to bring damage to the band name. Things are going to happen though. Anyone in the band can bring our name down, and that’s okay. It’s bound to happen someday. What we’re planning to do will probably change our lives forever...”

”Are you really that confident that nothing bad will happen if he finds out?” Akaashi asked as they slowly started to walk again, “You’ve seen what he can do... aren’t you scared of that?”

”A little... I bet everyone is scared. We all have things to lose, our very career included, but I’m sure everyone is also thinking the same thing,” he explained as he took Akaashi’s hand in his, “As long as they can grow their relationships even more, whether it be friendships or serious ones... then it’s worth risking it all. We can always build that career again. We can always make music, we can always start a new song, and we can always do great things... but people aren’t replaceable. How can we do those great things if the person we wanted to do it with is always in danger? Or if they’re always cautious about things like going out to the street, or sitting in a cafe? We have to sacrifice somethings in order to keep that irreplaceable person safe.”

Bokuto looked at Akaashi with hearts in his eyes, “You could never be replaced. I bet that even if my memories are altered, I’ll still run back to you. Everyone believes that in each other... Kuroo and Tsukki did it, so what’s better proof than that?”

”Right... right,” he nodded as he looked ahead of him, “Ha... I can’t wait till this is all over. What would you do if things changed?”

”Hm... I’d like to keep playing with the band, but we don’t know what will happen. If we do end up going our own ways though, I know one thing for sure,” he smiled to himself.

”What is it?”

”I’d play the drums and you’d play the keyboard guitar. You’ve wanted to take that up. We would then go around together as a dynamic duo, providing music for those who need a song to dance or to cry to. We could do charity events, we could do raves, we could do anything! The world would be in the palm of our hands... we will be the main characters- what’s the word for it?”

”Protagonists,” Akaashi filled in, “The protagonists of the world...”

”Yeah! That can be our band name too,” he excitedly suggested, “Wouldn’t that be amazing?”

Akaashi smiled, “I’d be satisfied by just watching you go all out on the drums. To create music by your side though... that is beyond satisfaction. I agree... that really would be something to see.”

They walked on for another while, their linked hands now swinging back and forth slightly with every step. The soft thoughts of playing music freely and as a duo buzzed around in their minds, a rather pleasant fantasy planting its roots in their hearts. Akaashi felt his tension leave his body as it was replaced with warm memories of their first encounters. His veins flowed with the peace he felt whenever he was around Bokuto...

He felt like he could fly when he was with him.

There was no other sounds around them, with the exceptional tweet of a small bird or the scatter of a squirrel. It was just them and those floating thought bubbles about the future that they had yet to see... some sweet smiles appeared when they looked at each other, each image of their little scenarios becoming more vivid just by looking into each other’s eyes. Akaashi allowed his guard down... just this once. He wasn’t going to slip his hand away from Bokuto’s. He would just let those pretty little dreams carry on within them.

_Perhaps they got a little carried away._

Because as they walked on, they completely missed one other sound.

 _ **Click**_.


	25. Riot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riot - Track 9  
> From: Viper (Daishou), exclusive nightclub playlist x remix 
> 
> Let me hear you shout, say it loud and proud!  
> Nobody got dirt on us when we shake the crowd,  
> If someone comes at us, no need to to stay quiet...  
> We know who’s boss, let’s start a riot!  
> Start a riot!  
> Mess them up, bring them to silence!  
> Start a riot!  
> Bring them down with an energy classified as violence!  
> Start a riot!  
> We know who’s boss, let’s start a riot!

_Next morning, 7:30 a.m._

In contrast to the clear blue skies from the other day, it was cloudy. Clouds rolled in from the North, the gray and dreary forms swallowing every bit of blue it saw. Sakusa stretched his arms out as he rose from the bed, immediately going to the bathroom to wash up. His clothes for the day were already sitting in the shelf in near the shower, so there was no need for him to rummage through the closet. He showered, he changed, and he started to fix his hair. As he dried out his hair, Sakusa called out to their home speaker for the news.

”Alexa, tell me any news regarding _Viper Entertainment,_ ” he said as he ran a hand through his hair, glancing in the mirror to make sure every strand was in place.

” _Okay, here are the latest reports on Viper Entertainment.”_

As he finished his hair, he moved onto his dental hygiene. Sakusa looked into the mirror as he brushed his teeth, listening closely to the news. A boost in sales for Truly Neon, the newest ad campaign for Silver Lining, Gray Skies releasing an OST for a drama... nothing out of the ordinary so far.

“Good morning,” Ushijima yawned as he walked into the bathroom, picking up his own toothbrush, “Has anything that would cause disruption been reported?”

Sakusa shook his head as he spat out the foam from the toothpaste, rinsing out his mouth. He used his hand towel to wipe off any leftover toothpaste on his face, “It’s all the same old reports,” he responded as he picked up the floss. 

They went on with their morning routine. Sakusa went out to the kitchen to heat up some tea before they went out to work. The kettle was waiting to whistle, when he suddenly hear buzzing. Sakusa looked over to the kitchen table where he left his phone the other night. He walked over to pick it up, turning it around to looked at the screen.

That... that was a lot of missed calls.

Sakusa furrowed his eyebrows as he swiped up to read the numbers. They were all familiar to him: the numbers of reporters. They would always turn to any director for any sort of confirmation on news. Sakusa quickly turned to the tabloids, scrolling through each article that came up.

”Oh no,” he muttered to himself, looking up from his phone, “Wakatoshi, we have to go... now!” he called out to his husband.

Ushijima came out as he was fixing his tie, “Is something wrong?”

”Make sure to call in security to watch over each door in the company. Tell the driver to pick up Truly Neon, and make sure that no one sees them go in or leave,” he quickly ordered as he turned off the stove when he heard the kettle whistle, “If any reporter comes up to any employee, they must tell them that they don’t give any sort of commentaries. For Truly Neon’s scheduling, they aren’t doing much aside from practice, but they do have to go out to film that commercial for the instrument center. Tell the director that the store they film in has to be secured for their safety.”

Sakusa poured the hot tea into to-go cups. He briskly walked over to the coat rack, throwing on the blazer that he already placed there. Sakusa then went back for the cups, handing one to Ushijima who was reading something on his phone.

”This is a problem,” Ushijima sighed as he took the cup.

“Let’s get there quickly. We have to seal this up before-“

_Ding._

Ushijima looked down at his phone, while Sakusa glanced over at the single message that appeared across the screen.

” _Office_.”

There was no “now” after the sentence that Daishou typed. Either he was pissed or strangely calm about the situation...

One of those things was worse than the other.

* * *

“The van is swinging by in a few minutes, everybody gather your things!”

Kuroo looked away from his band members after he reminded them about their departure. They were at Akaashi and Bokuto’s apartment this morning. The band would always alternate between homes when it came to breakfast. The schedule were given was empty, so they gathered up a little later than normal. However, something was off...

He narrowed his eyes at his phone, looking closely at the message that one of their manager sent out. Use the back doors, arrive and leave via the company’s transportation... something was going on. Truly Neon had nothing special to do today, and no media would go crazy over some sales. So what-

Oh no.

”Guys... you did make sure no one was following you yesterday, right?” Kuroo asked out loud, looking towards the living room again. 

Kenma shook his head, “Not me, but I don’t really have as much to hide as the rest of you.”

Iwaizumi crossed his arms, “I may have pissed off a photographer... they followed us all the way to the hiking trail. Did you really think that I was going to stand there and let them take pictures in a private place like that?”

Kuroo snapped his fingers, “Fair point... but did you get any sort of threat after you did that?” he carefully asked.

”Indirectly,” Iwaizumi nodded, “Although, I don’t think they went through with it since we have a lot against them.“

“Okay... Bo?” he looked towards the hallway that led to the rooms, “What about-“

Any sort of sleepiness that was left drained away from all of them. They heard a muffled scream, a pure shrill sound of horror. A few seconds later, Bokuto came out, his eyes dull as he looked up at the rest of the band. One of his hands was shaking against his chest, his heartbeat loud enough for them to hear. Kuroo felt the blood drain out of his face as he slowly realized what had happened. He pulled out his phone, immediately swiping to the biggest celebrity tabloid he could find.

 **FLASH REPORT** _**: Truly Neon’s Bokuto Koutarou and Akaashi Keiji are dating?  
**_ _Make way Oikawa and Iwaizumi, and moved aside The Miya Twins and their lovers... does Viper Entertainment have a new couple in town? Yesterday afternoon, Akaashi and Bokuto were photographed in the suburban areas of the city on what is presumed to be a date. The two were seen entering and leaving a store together, holding hands and being rather affectionate. Many fans have speculated something going on between the drummer and the keyboardist... is it all coming true? Viper Entertainment has yet to confirm those report, but the CEO has stated to go through details with the two artists._

Kuroo looked at the photo, “Bo... is Akaashi okay?”

”Didn’t you hear that shout?” he mumbled, “Of course he’s not okay... it’s my fault. I should have listened to him about taking things with caution, but it’s so exhausting Kuroo... it’s so exhausting to hide everything. I know you probably feel it since you have to do it with Tsukki now, but we’ve been through this for years... it was bound to happen, but I didn’t think it would be so soon.”

Kuroo frowned at Bokuto’s darkened expression. He started to bite at his chapped lips...a thing Bokuto did when he was really anxious. Kuroo walked over to Bokuto’s side, throwing his arm around his shoulders, “It’s okay... we can get through this. We’ll have to work double time on this whole takedown situation, but our priority right now is to make sure nothing happens to you two,” he reassured as he let him go. 

Bokuto sighed heavily, “Right. Right... we can get through this. I’m just worried about Keiji... this is like one of his worst nightmares came to life. I don’t know if we should even go-“

”Like _hell_ we are going anywhere.”

Akaashi appeared behind Bokuto, his hands grasping at the corner of the wall to keep himself up. His eyes were glassy at the edges, a slight tremble in his pupil causing tears to form around the corners of his eyes. The rest of his face though... it was all crumpled up into an agonizing image. Every single wrinkle seethed with fumes, and the exhale from his nose was heavy. Akaashi shook his head as he looked at Kuroo.

”I don’t trust him. If he was able to erase your memories within in a day, he’ll be able to do it all over again,” Akaashi forced the words out of his mouth, “I don’t care if it’s in the middle of the day... he can do those things whenever he likes. I could barely handle seeing Tsukishima go through that for the past few years... I can’t risk it. We can’t risk it-!”

A choked noise clogged Akaashi’s throat, causing him to swallow his words. Akaashi just continued to shake his head lightly, moved his hands away from the wall to hold onto Bokuto from behind. His head gently hit Bokuto’s back as he stayed there, a heavy sigh following as he tried to calm himself down. Bokuto’s eyes were still blank, everything processing within his mind as he was most likely trying to find a way to fix things.

Kuroo glanced towards the windows. Knowing the reporters, they were probably waiting somewhere out front. Most of the time, paparazzi and news workers didn’t swarm their apartments because of restrictions the company placed, but when it came to things like these they aren’t hesitant to break the rules. The back door is the only way out since the front gate blocks access to the back. Akaashi and Bokuto aren’t in the right mindset to go to work, but they still need to be on standby...

Kuroo took hold of his phone again, dialing Tsukishima’s number. The call was going through...

” _Is everything okay over there?”_ Tsukishima immediately asked as he picked up the call.

“No... I need to ask a favor of you. I would ask Kita or Yaku, but the two are pretty busy with their own events. Unless you are busy too...?”

” _I don’t have anything to do until late afternoon. What is it?”_

 _”_ Can you let Akaashi and Bo stay over at your apartment for today?” Kuroo asked as he walked over to the window, “They’re taking it pretty hard, and I don’t think they’ll be able to go to work or to stay here... especially since there are so many swarms of people. They’ll still need to be close to the company in case if they get called in though, so your place would be best for now. Is that alright?”

” _Okay... just make sure that when they come that no one is trailing them. Are you going to ask someone else to bring them?”_

 _”_ Yeah, I’ll ask Yukie,” Kuroo murmured, peeking behind the curtains of the window. He narrowed his eyes at the reporters that sat in their cars, waiting for the moment they would step out of their home. Kuroo leaned into the phone, “Don’t worry..,I’ll deal with Daishou myself. It’s my band. I should stand up as leader.”

”... _Take caution, Kuroo,”_ Tsukishima said after a moment of quiet. 

”Of course. They’ll be there later then,” Kuroo said before he hung up, “Love ya as always, bye.”

The call ended after Tsukishima responded to his goodbye. Kuroo quickly then shot a text to their other manager, Yukie, explaining the whole rush of emotions that Akaashi and Bokuto were going through. She agreed to helping them, sending a message that she was already near by in her own car and would be picking them up before the van arrived. 

“You two heard that? You’re off to Tsukki’s place,” Kuroo said as he looked back at them, “It’ll be a little calmer over there compared to here. Tsukki’s apartment is well secured compared to ours, so I hope that helps...”

Akaashi mindlessly nodded, still holding onto Bokuto. Kuroo looked down at Akaashi’s hands, which tightened around Bokuto’s waist every so often. He didn’t want to let go... he must be afraid. Afraid that if he let go... one of them would lose everything.

In the quiet room, they all heard a soft buzz. The two widened their eyes. Bokuto’s eyes drifted down to his pocket, staring at the square shape of his phone. Akaashi didn’t move a muscle, but his grip continued to tighten around Bokuto.

Daishou.

”Don’t. Don’t answer,” Kuroo firmly told them, “He doesn’t know that you guys know about his actions... you’ll give yourselves away immediately if you face him.”

”Kuroo-“

He held his hand up, “I’ll talk to him. We have to buy us some time, right? Don’t worry... I’ll be fine. I’ll make sure all of you will be fine.”

Kuroo felt his phone buzz in his hand. He looked down, seeing Yukie’s name across the lock screen, “Go on. Yukie is already here. You don’t have to take your things that you would bring to work... just stay there until things die down.”

Bokuto had to pry Akaashi’s hands off of him just to hold one of them in his own. He gave a small nod to Akaashi, leading him to the door. They grabbed their caps, masks, whatever they had to hide their faces. Kuroo leaned against the door frame as he watched them walk down the hall, going towards the back entrance of the apartment complex. He waited until Yukie sent him a text, telling him that they were safe in the car. She did, so he sent the address to Tsukishima’s place. 

It was so silent that they could hear the car pull out of the back parking space.

A few heavy moments later, their other manager informed him that the van had arrived. Kuroo simply looked over to the other, nodding his head towards the door. With some hesitation, the rest of the band picked up their things and followed Kuroo out to the back. 

They were all worried for the scene that waited for them at the company.

-

A drive later, the van pulled to the back doors of the company. Kuroo clicked his tongue at the sight of it. It should have been empty...

A large group of security guards were standing in rows at the door, pushing back wild reporters and “fans” that were raging against the news. He looped his guitar case over his shoulder, gripping the strap as he looked out the window. People had already spotted them.

No turning back now.

”Stay close,” he murmured to the others as their manager hopped out of the driver’s seat, opening the door of the back seats. Kuroo took one last deep breath before stepping out.

The moment his foot touched the concrete floor, everyone’s heads snapped towards him. Kuroo stood straight as security guards surround them, their manager also making an effort to shield them.

It wasn’t enough.

They were immediately swarmed by cameras and microphones, the shouting being too loud for all of them this early. Kuroo stuck his arm out to the side as he watched some people shouting questions at Kenma, a few of them getting too close.

_Too close._

The guards barrier broke, a flood of people getting up in their personal space. His closed his eyes tightly as so much sound was ringing back and forth in his ears. He brushed by someone, his shoulder harshly hitting the other’s on accident. Kuroo opened his eyes again, glancing back towards the others.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa stayed together, the two putting on emotionless faces as reporters tried to get a word out of them. Iwaizumi’s face would twitch in annoyance, so he would grip his case strap to prevent himself from saying anything that would cause an uproar. Kenma...

Kenma’s hands were slightly shaking, twitching with the urge to cover his ears. He hated crowds... the only time he was comfortable with crowds was when it was related towards music, like fan signs or concerts. He hated all of this the most: flashing cameras and people disrespecting his bubble. Despite that, he still did he best to maintain calm, turning his head away from microphones. 

Kuroo felt anger rising to his face. All this over two people wanting to be together? 

”How pathetic,” he whispered under his breath, quiet enough so that only he could hear it.

”Kuroo-senpai! You’ll never betray us like that right?! None of this is true right?!” some fans yelled, holding up signs that asked for Akaashi and Bokuto’s removal. Kuroo didn’t respond, but his fists curled up on their own.

This was the longest walk he had ever been on.

”Give is a word, Kuroo! Where are Akaashi and Bokuto? What do you think about this whole situation? Will any of this affect the rest of the band? What future would we be seeing for Akaashi and Bokuto?” reporters yelled out, shoving small recorders in his face. Kuroo kept looking ahead, blocking out the sounds of each ignorant person out there.

They finally made it to the door, the security guards pushing away anyone who tried to get in. Their manager ushered them inside, quickly closing the doors behind them. Everyone sighed quietly, not looking back as they went straight for the band practice room.

When they got their, they all collapsed in their chairs. Kuroo looked around, expecting to see each of his members tendencies that they would do after things like this. Kenma would start playing phone games, Oikawa would pull out his lyric book and fix any crooked decor on the pages, while Iwaizumi would jump right to his bass guitar tabs. 

This time, everyone was hunched over, their hands running through the own hair or covering their mouths. Kuroo furrowed his eyebrows when he heard Kenma shakily exhale.

”That was bad... that was really, _really_ bad,” Kenma muttered, his leg starting to bounced up and down. Anxious tendency...

Oikawa shook his head, “That was the worst one yet. I’m glad ‘Kaashi-chan wasn’t here... he wouldn’t be able to take it with how he’s feeling right now,” he said at he started to wrap his finger around his side bang, twisting and untwisting the hair. Anxious tendency...

Iwaizumi simply nodded. He started to pick at the peach fuzz on his face, his eyes downcast on the floor. Another anxious tendency...

Kuroo almost knocked the chair over as he suddenly stood up. Everyone glanced up at him, their eyes widening at Kuroo’s hooded eyes. They reach out to stop him, knowing that this side of Kuroo could wreck havoc, but Kuroo’s fingers barely slipped away from their reach.

He was _fucking pissed_.

* * *

Daishou drummed his fingers against his desk, glaring down at his phone. No new message? No phone call? What was this man thinking?!

”Sakusa... were you informed on anything about Bokuto or Akaashi?” he asked, glancing behind him, “I have yet to see this message be on read.”

”Truly Neon’s van arrived,” Sakusa smoothly replied, “Perhaps they were swept up in the rush of reporters and had no chance to respond.”

Daishou hummed, tapping his fingers against each other as he looked towards the door. He could hear his secretary desperately trying to stop someone from going inside the office. Ah... was Bokuto angered? Or was it Akaashi? He narrowed his eyes as the door started to open.

”I’ve been expecting you two-“

He words hung in the air as he watched Kuroo stride towards his desk, the pitiful excuse of a secretary bowing to him as an apology as she closed the door. Kuroo yanked the chair out of its space, sitting himself down at the place across from him. 

A shadow fell over Kuroo’s eyes. 

“Oho? Kuroo... where are Bokuto and Akaashi?” he asked with a smile, “I’m waiting to see them. Not you.”

A laugh-like sound came out of Kuroo’s nose when he breathed out heavily, a smirk rising to Kuroo’s face, “I’m their representative... and the band’s representative. You’ll be talking to me, and that’s the best you’ll get.”

The words hit sharply as the left Kuroo’s mouth. Oh? Angry... how long as it been since he’d seen Kuroo this angry?

Ah. That’s right. Those years ago when he erased Tsukishima Kei out of his mind. Man... he was so furious one moment, but in the next moment, he was shaking in a hospital bed. He almost laughed out loud... good times.

“Hm... what do I have to say to you?” Daishou started as he drummed his fingers against his desk, “The leader of our best band.... Kuroo Tetsurou. You knew all along about those two?”

”Yes, but why does that matter?” Kuroo said quietly, placing one arm on Daishou’s desk. 

”You could have stopped them, ya know,” he sighed as he spun in his chair, looking out the windows that were behind him, “Maybe you could have prevented this... all those reporters, your band mates being brought to shame... your name being dragged in the mud all because of-“

Kuroo slammed one of his hands on the desk. Daishou glanced towards the resting tan hand, which was starting to curl up. One corner of his lip started to lift into a sneer. Kuroo sneered back.

”You have no idea how much we go through because of you,” Kuroo quietly seethed, “Do you think being a singer is that easy? More so... do you think being a leader is that easy?”

Kuroo titled his head slightly upwards, “I have to watch my band mates, my _friends_ lose themselves because of this company. Iwaizumi and Oikawa? They’ve almost broken up two years ago because of how sick they were of the paparazzi- which by the way, you have no restriction orders on!”

Daishou saw a flash of someone else in Kuroo for a moment. He started to slowly turn back around, drumming his fingers against the desk again.

”Kenma? You know how much he despises crowding reporters, yet today you didn’t ensure the safety of any of us by making sure that the reporters weren’t allowed in the back,” he continued to go off, a vein in his neck popping out, “And Akaashi? He _hates_ revealingconcepts, but you keep asking the stylists to give him one in our photo books. They didn’t go through with it, but you still try to enforce your own preferences on us.”

Daishou narrowed his eyes at Kuroo. That aura...

”Bokuto? He’s tired. Since he’s the “mood maker”, he constantly has to put up a fake face when he’s feeling down. People think that it’s strange to see him cry, when crying should be normalized for even the happiest people,” Kuroo continued, his eyes looking right into Daishou’s, “Do you know when his smile is the brightest? It’s when he’s with Akaashi.... that energy is unmatched to anything else.”

Kuroo lifted his arm away from the table, crossing his arms over his chest, “Me? I have to watch them deteriorate in mechanical people. The only time we are ourselves is when we can do our own music since we are self-produced. If that wasn’t available to us... this would have been the most miserable group on the planet.”

Ah.

Daishou cocked an eyebrow, “And what is your point? Do you want me to disband you?”

Kuroo sighed, “Freedoms. Give us more freedom. Let Akaashi and Bokuto date. Give us better security, let us choose our concepts for everything... let us mandate ourselves. If you want us to become a better group... then let us do it ourselves.”

There was some anger hanging in the surface of Kuroo’s face. Daishou stopped drumming his hands against his desk.

”That’s what someone like Kita would say,” Daishou murmured, “He asked for that too... and look where it got him. No wonder they returned back to having their dance and songs made by someone else... they couldn’t handle it. Silver Lining is barely hanging onto a thread because of their relationships... do you want that to happen to your band?”

”True fans won’t leave us. If they really love us, they’ll only want us to be happy,” Kuroo reasoned, “And Silver Lining isn’t that way because of their relationships... you just don’t manage them well enough. There were various times you could have stepped in to prevent chaos upon Atsumu and Kita, but you never stepped in.”

Daishou turned back in his chair to fully face Kuroo, “Oh yeah? Let’s see how long you’ll last then. Let’s see how long it will take till you all come running back, begging on your knees to ask me for help.”

Daishou laughed a little, “Knowing Akaashi... he’ll practically be living in hell once I confirm the reports. Are you willing to let him go through that?”

Kuroo fell silent, but the angry scowl stayed on.

”I’ll give you some time to think on it,” Daishou smiled as he clasped his hands, “Let’s see if you’ll be the downfall of your own team. Tell me Tetsurou...”

He leaned closer to the man, “Do your band mates really want this? Or is it your own selfish desire?”

Kuroo backed away from him, “You know the answer to that very well,” he practically spat out, getting up from the chair. Kuroo gave a slight nod to him and the directors behind him, briskly turning around and leaving the office, fumes of leftover anger trailing behind him.

Daishou’s smile immediately fell off of his face.

”Sakusa... would you be so kind as to find out more about Bokuto and Akaashi?” he asked, an eerie tone floating underneath his voice, “And Ushiwaka? Keep a close eye on the relations between Silver Lining and Truly Neon. I saw too much of Kita in Kuroo... you are dismissed. I have something to attend to.”

The directors promptly left his office, give a quick nod as a goodbye. Daishou spun around in his chair, looking up at the twisting ceiling every time he came around. 

He stopped, looking down at his tilting surrounding. The room wavered from side to side, but Daishou’s face didn’t even change from the amount of dizziness he felt. He stared at his desk, glancing towards his phone.

”You want something to riot about?” he quietly murmured to himself, licking his lips as he picked up his phone. He pressed his speed dial, calling someone who would always lend a favor.

”I’ll give you something to riot about,” he hissed as he turned back to face the window.”

” _Hello? Suguru dear, what is it?”_

 _”_ Mother... do you remember when I asked for that product to be made for future needs?” 

” _Of course. Do you have a question about it?”_

He smirked at he looked out the window, globs of rain starting to hit the glass as they fell from the dark skies. It poured down onto the company, black umbrellas opening down on the sidewalk. There was a rumble from the sky as a gleam appeared in Daishou’s eyes.   
  


**”Is it ready for use yet?”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shortish chapter. Sorry for slow updates, I’m taking Driver’s ED classes right now :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	26. The “...” Bubble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “...” - Digital Single  
> From: Bokuto Koutarou, Digital Single for Truly Neon’s anniversary week
> 
> Dot, dot, dot as you anxiously await  
> For a message, but the little bubble floats in place  
> What do I say? What can I do?  
> I’ve never felt this way, and it’s hard to go through  
> My own emotions, I’m used to being seen as a single character with a single trait  
> But here we see... you think of me as a human being who you don’t hate  
> What am I to do? I’m so into you, but  
> Dot, dot, dot goes the little message bubble  
> Dot, dot, dot, emotions are really just trouble.

He really didn’t know how to deal with things at this kind of scale.

As a bad habit, Bokuto had gotten used to the idea of pushing his own emotions down. He used to be very... emotional. If he were to put it into words, his college years were a mess of ups and downs. Teachers would be exhausted dealing with his rock bottom lows: he would forget how to do certain sequences, how to use a certain part of the drum set, and one time he blanked out during a school performance... which was bad considering that the drums was the back of the whole band. Of course, he also had the highest of the highs in which he felt completely unstoppable. He knew he couldn’t keep letting his weaknesses get to him, but every so often they would slip out in the beginning of his career.

The comments were harsh. 

_[User2976]: Wtf? Does this guy think it’s some joke?_

_[User3420]: Ahh... all he has are the looks. What a shame._

_[User7765]: OMG REPLACE THIS KID_

_[User6432]: How pathetic... you’ve trained all your life just to forget how to grip your drumsticks （ーー；)? Good luck on that._

From then on, Bokuto tried his best to push back any sort of negativity that tried to get to him. He pushed his happiness even further, which earned him the title of a “mood maker”. The happy go lucky sunshine member... 

So what was he to do when he didn’t feel okay?

There was one period where he did live videos on Instagram. The chat at the time was flooding with nasty comments about two of his members. They had been getting backlash for a simple mistake in one of their solo albums, which they had formally apologized for... despite it being the main producer’s fault for forcing that mistake into their concept. Either way, no one was doing well, and Bokuto thought he could cheer himself up by talking with his fans. It was pretty hard though... keeping that smile on and not knowing what to say. No- he did know... but he didn’t know if he should say it. Everything could go against or for him. Considering the fact that he had his relationship on the line, he had no choice but to keep to himself.

It was exhausting... and it also felt like he convinced himself that he was always okay.

He could find his natural smile plenty of times, but when those hard times came around he just... blanked out. He didn’t know what to do. Should he do anything? It’s just the constant “...” line going through his head when something really bad happened to anyone close to him, but it was more prominent when it was towards himself or Akaashi. 

So the moment Akaashi slapped his hand over his mouth, Bokuto started to blank out. Sure, he knew what he could say when Akaashi showed small signs of distress, but he knew that Akaashi was about to burst at the seams. For some reason... he suddenly forgot how to comfort someone when he saw them breakdown. What to do? What do should he do?

When they got to Tsukishima’s apartment, he quietly let them in. They didn’t exchange any words; they took off their shoes, Akaashi and Bokuto sat on the couch, Tsukishima went to pour out the last of his drinks for them, and it was just... silence. 

Bokuto looked around the room. He spotted a few paintings, but one in particular caught his eye. He remembered seeing it before in the halls of the art wing. Duet. He saw Kuroo’s hands, an old marbled ring around one of his fingers while the rest of his skin was covered with bandages. Then there was Tsukishima’s pale fingers, only a black ring and a scratch adorning his skin. The piano keys were worn out, only pieces of ripped tape sitting at the edge of each key. 

He wondered how they did things when it came to big problems. 

Tsukishima came over, gave Akaashi a chamomile tea and Bokuto a cup of coffee loaded with cream and sugar. The was more silence as he sat in a loveseat at Akaashi’s end of the couch. Tsukishima fiddled with his fingers before he asked one question.

”Are you okay?”

And that’s when Akaashi quietly started to cry. 

Boktuo felt his heart shatter when he looked over at Akaashi, a few tears spilling over the edges of his eyes. Akaashi breathed in shakily, but then slapped his hand over his mouth. He tried so hard not to sob... he was trying so hard not to let a single sound come out of his throat. Bokuto felt himself starting to faze out... what should he do? What to do-

“It’s okay... you can cry.”

Tsukishima looked at Akaashi, his expression filled with a certain amount of tenderness that was rare to see. It was usually the other way around. For the past few years, Akaashi was the one who took care of Tsukishima when he had a breakdown. Bokuto left his state of mind, briefly returning back to reality.

”I don’t know... I don’t know anymore, Kei,” Akaashi quietly mumbled through his hands, stilling trying to hold back his sobs, “Everything is going to go downhill from here... what are we going to do? We can’t avoid the company forever, and we can’t just disappear! It’s useless... it’s-“

Akaashi uncovered his mouth, a violent sob jumping out of his throat. He couldn’t stop after that. Bokuto gently leaned Akaashi towards him, tilting his head so that it could rest on Bokuto’s shoulder. Akaashi continued to cry his heart out, his hiccups and sobs shaking both of their frames. Bokuto glanced up at Tsukishima, who just gave him a nod. Let him cry. Let him get everything out. 

The silence was now accompanied by Akaashi’s crying, but eventually it returned back to silence only. Akaashi sniffled a little, not wiping off the tears that still stained his cheeks. He stayed against Bokuto’s shoulder, his sigh wavering as he spoke up again.

”I knew this would happen someday, but now that I know what Daishou can do... I know that it’ll be worse than disbandment,” he barely whispered, “I saw first hand how it affected a person. I can’t see that happen to either one of us,” he said as he gestured between himself and Bokuto.

Tsukishima clasped his hands together, “That’s why we’re trying our best to stop him. Either way.... it won’t happen,” he replied as he gestured towards a folder that was on the coffee table, “I was already working on it since we got back yesterday. We’re all behind each other.... I’m sure you know that.”

”I know, I know... but you really can’t reassure these things this time,” Akaashi pointed out, his eyes looking off into the distance, “We have no idea what can happen. With this going on... everything is now swaying from side to side. It really is unpredictable.”

Bokuto finally thought of what to say. The “...” went away from his mind.

”But... we really do have each other’s backs. And everyone is willing to try with even the lowest chances,” Bokuto looked back at Akaashi, “You said so yourself a long time ago, Akaashi. Remember? In college, you said that even if things were unpredictable, there was still a chance of things going the right way. And if it went the wrong way? Recalculate and reset that predictability for it to be a one-hundred precent success. Right?”

Akaashi smiled a little, “I’m pretty sure you said that but... yes. That can always be done. There’s still so much in the line though-“

Bokuto shook his head, “We can always get back together as a band. It’s not like it’s illegal to come back together... plenty of bands have done that before! And if everyone else wants to go their own ways, we always have plenty of other options. It still doesn’t mean that we can’t all stay as close friends. That’s something that will stay like this,” he smiled as he crossed his fingers together, “And for you and me?”

Bokuto leaned his head against Akaashi’s, “You already know. I’ll come back running to you because you... you naturally draw me in. After all, you’re the only person who can make me feel so... alive!” he grinned as he made a huge gesture with his hands.

Akaashi laughed a little, “Yeah... I’ll trust you on that. It won’t be easy, but even with this sudden situation, I should stay true to my words.... we’ll get through this together. We’re all here for everyone,” he slightly nodded.

Tsukishima had the tiniest smile on his face, “You were the one who kinda initiated this thing, Akaashi. So you have to believe in yourself as well,” he reminded as he looked down at his phone on the table, “I have to call in for my company, so I’ll excuse myself for a little bit. Make yourselves at home.”

Tsukishima got up with his phone, ducking into the small hallways to go to his room. Bokuto and Akaashi sighed at the same time. For some reason, he could still feel like Akaashi wanted to say something-

”Koutarou... did it cross your mind to break up with me this morning?” Akaashi murmured as quietly as possible, his voice laced with some sort of worry.

”What?!” Bokuto gasped, “No! Is that the other reason you seemed so on edge? Keiji... you can’t be replaced. You know that, but if I have to say it to you all the time, then I will. You can’t be replaced. You can’t be replaced. You can’t be replaced. You can’t-“

”Okay! I really do need to trust everyone and myself as little more,” Akaashi muttered to himself, “You were just so quiet... and you usually don’t fall that silent unless you’re blanking out. I thought you were thinking about that in order to prevent the tabloids from brewing a storm...”

”No. Never,” he stressed his thoughts, “I would never do that. I was trying to think of a way to fix things, but breaking up would make things worse... well in my opinion, it would. That’s like the last thing I would ever do- no, it’s something that I would never ever do!” he exclaimed, moving away from Akaashi. He turned to face Akaashi properly, looking into his eyes that were tinted red at the edges. Bokuto smiled, a half laugh coming out of his mouth. 

“Keiji...we really need to work on communication now. I don’t want misunderstandings... those are the worst,” he joked a little, but there was some seriousness towards it.

”And now I sound like a hypocrite,” Akaashi laughed a little to himself, “I’m always telling other to trust their companions and themselves, but I still struggle to do that myself. I’ll work on it... promise.”

”You promised. No take backs,” Bokuto smiles as he pointed at Akaashi.

”No take backs.”

They sat normally once again, Akaashi leaning back into Bokuto’s side. Bokuto looked through his phone, scrolling through various posts and articles about them. Even on Instagram, he was losing followers and there were some comments popping up. On his feed, he saw one of those pages that dedicated themselves to reporting news about Truly Neon. The most recent post was about the two of them, and the person in charge of the account asked people for their opinions. Bokuto’s finger hovered over the comment bubble...

”Check them,” Akaashi said as he looked over at his phone, “We’re going to see them at some point... might as well get it over with.”

Bokuto took a deep breath in as he opened the comments. He could feel Akaashi’s disappointed sigh as the first few were not the nicest.

The rest of the page was flooded with rather surprising things though.

_[peachykeen]: Wait they’re really cute together (´꒳`)_

_[letthecolorsburst]: OMG It’s happening! Ahaha they suit each other  
_

_[neonpink]: Bokuto always looked at ‘Kaashi with stars in his eyes... y’all really didn’t notice???  
_

_[colorbombs]: Now playing “Black and White” by Bokuto Koutarou...._

_[thiccbo]: Ohhh so that’s who “Black and White” was about ;)_

_[akaashioceaneyes]: Aww, Keiji! Maybe we can see his beautiful smile more often if they go public :D_

_[habitworlddomination]: just thinking on how bo is probably the kind of boyfriend who would giggle while kissing makes my heart clench ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ akaashi is a lucky guy_

_[akaashiswife] I’ll have to change my username since I respect their relationship... go Keiji and Koutarou!_

_[keysnare]: Congrats!!!  
_

They kept scrolling through the comments, all of them ranging from a simple “congratulations” to a full out paragraph on how they’ll support them. In the negative comments, there were fans who were doing their best to defend them. “Love isn’t a crime”, “You’re twelve and you think have a chance lmao”, “Delulus,” and so on. It was a little harsh, but sometimes it was the only way to get a message through. 

”It isn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” Akaashi murmured, a hint of a smile appearing on his face.

Of course, there was still one thing they couldn’t avoid. Even if Kuroo went to talk to him, he was going to call them on eventually.

”I’m going to talk to Daishou sooner or later,” Bokuto stayed as he kept scrolling through the comments.

”Koutarou, don’t-“

He shook his head, “I was the one who told you to not care and that’s how the picture got released. Even if the feedback is mostly positive, it’s still my fault for this getting out. I have to make up for it by seeing him myself.”

Akaashi frowned, “No... you can’t go.”

”You promised to trust in others a little more... so trust me,” he said as he reached over to Akaashi’s hand, taking it in his and squeezing it lightly, “I’ll come back a-okay.”

”At least... at least wait a little bit,” Akaashi sighed softly in defeat, “Give it some time. Don’t go right away, okay?”

”Okay. Okay, I’ll wait a little bit. If that will make you feel a little better, I’ll do it. Trust me... I’ll try to move this fixing process faster so that we can focus on the big goal. Alright?”

”Alright...”

The rest of the day went quietly. Tsukishima offered to drop them off at their shooting location since he had to leave, and they accepted it. No one noticed when they went in. The rest of the members were surprised to see them, but they looked relieved to find them at a better state. Kuroo explained to them how Daishou believed that their relationship could be a threat to the group’s reputation, which caused both of them to scoff. Bokuto assured Kuroo that he would go and explain things further with the CEO.

Kuroo looked on edge at that idea.

  
More quiet days went on, and it turned to weeks. They wouldn’t go to the company, but they attended each thing in their schedule by going directly to the location or site. The reporters slowly died down, but a big handful still hung onto their news. Sakusa and Ushijima warned them about Daishou’s thoughts... but Daishou kept calling and texting him.

It was about time to talk to him.

In a late afternoon on a weekend, around 6:10 p.m, Bokuto walked into _Viper Entertainment_ on his own.

It was rather empty.

At 6:15 p.m, Boktuo entered Daishou’s office. No one else was in the room. Not another single person, director, or secretary was near the site. The ticking on the clock was loud, only the drumming of Daishou’s fingers accompanying it. Bokuto fiddled with his black stud earrings as he walked towards the desk.

Daishou’s eyes gleamed when he turned around in the chair.

6:20.

6:35.

The office vaguely smelled like a hospital room... with the slightest hint of iron.

7:00.

7:45.

By 8:00...

No one was there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so tired, but we’re rising up! Hopefully you guys are still reading and enjoying this since the feed doesn’t particularly favor this story. It always gets pushed down when updated.(◞‸◟) 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	27. White Noise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> White Noise - Track 2  
> From: Sakusa’s Dance Lessons, original music, Vol. 3 
> 
> They say that white noise is supposed to be calming  
> So why is it so loud and alarming?  
> In a room, in the dark, in this claustrophobic space  
> My fingers want to rip the skin off of my face  
> From how loud this white noise is  
> How loud this white noise is  
> Get me out  
> Get me out!

11:00 p.m.

There was a cold surface underneath him, his body sinking into it. Every time his eyebrows would crinkle, he could feel something pulling against it. Even with the cold, he could feel hot blood coursing through his veins, every single one of his senses trying to tell him...

_Get up._

_Get up._

**_GET UP!_ **

Bokuto’s eyes flew open, making direct eye contact with a bright white light. His vision focused and unfocused on his surroundings, his body in shock from whatever just happened. Bokuto’s slowly looked from left to right, scanning for anything that he could recognize.

The room was empty except for the bed.

He looked up as much as he could, a screen implanted into the wall right behind him. He could see wires connected to him disappearing through small crevasses in the wall, but no sound came through the screen or the wall. It was all white. Even his clothes were now white, and anything that belonged to him was gone. 

This... was this “The Brain”? 

”Welcome to the H.C.”

Bokuto forced himself to sit up, the wires pulling along as he stared at the space in front of him. A plexiglass wall is what separated him and Daishou, who was staring into his room. The CEO had his arms crossed as the light reflected onto his face, his eyes narrowed as he tilted his head up. There was a blemish on his face that was purple, blue, green... not a blemish. A bruise. 

Oh.

He remembered what happened.

-

_“Bokuto, so you finally made it to my office. I’m sure you’ve seen my messages and calls... unless you had bad reception.”  
_

_Bokuto sat in the chair across from Daishou, “I apologize for any problems. Akaashi and I needed some time and we did advise you of our appearance in the company itself,” he slightly bowed his head down, lifting it back up to look at Daishou, “Is there something you want to tell me?”_

_”Where’s Akaashi?” Daishou asked as he glanced towards the door behind Bokuto._

_”He’s not feeling well,” Bokuto lied, “I can always tell him what you wanted to tell us when I get back.”_

_Daishou waved his hand around, “That’s not necessary,” he sighed as he placed his other hand down on a paper sitting on the surface of the desk, “I’m sure Kuroo told you my thoughts.”_

_Bokuto nodded, “Yes. I don’t oppose going public... and Akaashi doesn’t either. There’s a surprising amount of people in Japan that actually support us. It wouldn’t drag the band down.”_

_Daishou fiddled with the corner of the paper, “But there will always be those who will try to bring you down. You’ve heard of death threats for artists who are dating, haven’t you? Kita had received several through our mailbox... just how many would come in for Akaashi?”_

_The man slowly lifted his fingers up and down, “One, two, three... ten, twenty, thirty. A tweet saying that they’ll shoot him in a venue, a video showing burning photos, a stalker breaking into your apartment... it’s scary!” he almost laughed.  
_

_Bokuto narrowed his eyes, “And that’s why Kuroo suggested a better protection service for us and other artists. To stop those things from happening.”_

_He couldn’t hold his tongue back, “You... you let those things happen to Silver Lining. You purposely allowed for Silver Lining to suffer... just so that you can get them to breakup. Right?”_

_Daishou fell silent._

_”Right?” Bokuto pressed on._

_”Oh Kita... Kita, Kita, Kita,” Daishou suddenly muttered out, looked at Bokuto right in the eye. The green in those narrow eyes gleamed a venomous aura, his face completely still as he tilted his head to the side._

_”How did you manage to possess all of my artists?” Daishou grinned, crumpling the paper underneath him, “I was going to give this one a chance... but look at you go! You’re trying to do something... just a few months ago they were all under my thumbs. Did you manage to seduce them into the thought of getting rid of me? Is that why you’ve been getting chummy with Truly Neon? Ha!”_

_A chill went up his spine as Daishou’s mouth stretched into a wicked laugh, those green eyes glaring at him with such intensity, “Kita... Shinsuke!” he cried out with a smile on his face, “You want to start a riot? You want to get back at me?”_

_Daishou narrowed his eyes, but the smile still rested on his face, “If Kuroo is in this... he must remember something then.”_

_Bokuto held back his surprise. He couldn’t give him away._

_”Then... you know what’s about to happen,” Daishou slowly got up from his chair, “Normally Kiyoomi would do this- ah,” he suddenly stopped, “I shouldn’t call him by his first name... but “Ushijima” is too bland for me. I hate that guy,” Daishou rolled his eyes, “Kiyoomi... such a sad fellow. Such a quiet man. That’s why he’s perfect for the job. Perfect for this-!”_

_Daishou pulled a syringe out from the inner pocket of his blazer. Bokuto jump up from his seat as he watched Daishou walked around the desk. Bokuto’s eyes darted from Daishou to the door. Run. Run! Why aren’t you running?!  
_

_”C’mon Koutarou... let’s do this the easy way,” Daishou murmured as he got closer. Bokuto’s eyes widened as he watched Daishou lunge at him, the glass vile getting dangerously close to him._

_His body reacted before he could process everything.  
_

_Bokuto watched as his own arm extended out to Daishou’s face, his fist curled up as flesh collided with flesh. There was a hard impact, a sting in his knuckles running up his hand. Daishou stumbled back, grabbing his face with him free hand. He massaged his jaw as he spat onto the floor, a slight tint of red coloring his saliva. Daishou looked back up at Bokuto, laughing as he stood straight._

_”You really are trying to take me down... this will be fun.”  
_

_Daishou was surprisingly fast. Bokuto’s world turned upside down as he fell to the floor, Daishou wrestling him down. Bokuto grunted as he fought against him, prying his arms off of his chest. Daishou scowled as Bokuto started to pushed against him, trying his best to stand back up again. Bokuto was tugged back down to the floor, Daishou now using his legs and arms to hold Bokuto down. Bokuto could feel the arms trembling as Bokuto continued to wriggle and push against them. Break free... just a little-!_

_”Gotcha.”_

_Bokuto suddenly stopped fighting against Daishou. He could feel the needle in him... he could feel the fluid seeping into his veins..._

_”Sleep Koutarou... sleep.”  
_

_Bokuto shook his head slowly as he tried to go against the sedative. He opened his eyes when they tried to close, he bit his tongue when his head tried to fall forward, but it was no use. The drowsiness fell over his head like a shadow, consuming every little feeling of terror and fight left in him._

_”It’s going to be a long night tonight.”_

_-_

Bokuto’s eye twitched as he stared at Daishou. The CEO strained a smile as he gestured around to Bokuto once more, “Welcome to H.C. Not “The Brain”, not HQ... H.C. Also known as Hippocampus, the part of the brain that stores memories.”

Bokuto stayed silent as he looked around the room. Cameras? Voice recorders? Were they monitoring him?

“Ah, let me put it into simple terms,” Daishou quietly gasped to himself as he held a finger up, “This is where all our pre-tests occur. People who volunteer to get new products tested on them come here. We watch them through these rooms when it comes to longer period testing. What you are connected to right now is “CORE”.”

Daishou smiled to himself, “This project, “CORE”, is to relive memories in a detail so realistic, that you’ll believe you’re in the past. It’s for those who long to see someone or something from the past. Not to mention, “CORE” can also help erase the most detailed memories with even more precision... you could say that it could be erased to the core,” he chuckled.

He held up a remote, “You have core memories, which is another reason why it’s called “CORE”. If we can erase the “core” memory of something, somewhere, _someone..._ then everything that surrounds that “core” memory will be gone in an instant. No need to dig in so deep! It’s a work in progress, and no one has volunteered for testing yet.”

He pressed a button.

”So welcome test subject number one. “CORE” will now reactivate your core memory of Akaashi Keiji.”

”Hold up-!”

_Boktuo reached out to the empty space, the world suddenly fading away from him. In the blink of an eye, he was suddenly in... the music room? No. It was the near the mini stage at the front of the music department wing. Bokuto glanced down at himself, touching the clothes that suddenly appeared. A white t-shirt, his blue and green plaid over shirt, his ripped blue jeans and black Nike shoes, his coat in his arms... college. This was his regular college outfit._

_He really was reliving a memory through his past eyes._

_Bokuto was at the corner of the left path, where the heavy duty instrument room was. The stage was at the center, a shiny ebony grand piano gloriously displayed on it. Anyone could play when they wanted to._

_It was pretty late. No one else was around. Bokuto stayed late since he liked to play as loud as anyone possibly could. He stood at the corner, glancing over to the piano to see if anyone would show up._

_Oh... oh._

_It was this day._

_At any second he should appear right... now._

_Bokuto smiled to himself as he watched Akaashi appear from the right path, a small skip in his walk as he went towards the exit. Something good happened to him, but Akaashi never told Bokuto what it was.  
_

_Akaashi was wearing his light blue jeans, the ones that fit snuggly around his hips. His lavender colored shirt was tucked into his pants, which matched with the darker shade of purple that his shoes had. The only accessory he had was a thin silver chain... the one Bokuto gave him for his birthday last week. His jacket hung on the body of his instrument case, but Akaashi didn’t put it on. He kept staring at the grand piano.  
_

_After a moment, Akaashi looked around, glancing briefly into the direction of each hallway. Bokuto ducked behind his corner, only peeking out enough to see what was going to happen.  
_

_Akaashi stepped up to the platform, placing his bag and jacket down next to the bench. It was quiet enough to hear him exhale deeply as his fingers hovered over the ivory keys. Bokuto watched as Akaashi’s face crinkled ever so lightly, the creases of his eye lines deepening as he concentrated solely on the piano in front of him._

_”Let Her Go”. The song Akaashi had been practicing for one of his classes._

_The keys came out softly as Akaashi gently pressed on them, his fingers moving back and forth as he released and pressed each key. Bokuto closed his eyes, allowing the song to sweep him away.  
_

_”Well you only need the light when it’s burning low...”_

_His eyes opened again when he realized that Akaashi was singing. Singing. He was singing._

_Despite all of their sessions together, Bokuto had never heard Akaashi sing. Maybe it was because Bokuto’s songs didn’t suit his voice, or because Bokuto never asked Akaashi to sing with him, but Bokuto had never heard Akaashi sing._

_He could melt at the sound of his voice._

_”Only miss the sun when it starts to go, only know you love her when you let her go... only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low, only hate the road when you’re missing home, only know you love her when you let her go...”_

_Akaashi sighed softly, “And you let her go.”_

_He then started to play the rest of the song, extending some notes by holding down the keys for a longer time. The music rang out in the empty hallways, each note delicately hanging in the air above them. Akaashi’s face started to relax as he continued, his head tilting up towards the head light above him as he played without looking down at the keys._

_He glowed underneath that soft yellow light._

_Bokuto couldn’t stop smiling as he leaned against his corner, his eyes not tearing away from Akaashi for a moment. Such a calm and relax posture... a playing style that is so delicate yet it hits every single ounce of impact on the spot. It’s so beautiful..._

_He’s beautiful._

_Bokuto’s eyes widened as he realized what just crossed his mind. He had the urge to giggle at his own thoughts, but he didn’t want to startle Akaashi. Ah... his “little” crush was starting to grow even further. It had been growing for so long. Ever since he first played on the drums with Akaashi as his accompanist, he already knew._

_This... this is the guy who I want to play with. This is the guy who I want to be with._

_Bokuto must have stepped a little too forward. The music suddenly slowed down, only a single note being dragged as Akaashi looked towards his direction._

_”Bokuto?”_

_Bokuto’s eyes snapped towards Akaashi, “Ah! Akaashi... hey,” he sheepishly waved as he walked over to him. Akaashi lifted his hands away from the piano, placing them in his lap as he fiddled with them. Bokuto sat next to Akaashi on the long bench, looking up at the light above them._

_”How long were you watching?” Akaashi asked as he continued to fiddle with his fingers._

_”From the beginning,” Bokuto honestly answered, “You have a really pretty voice. It’s smooth, but it still has a nice impact. A perfect range. How come you don’t sing along when we play together?”_

_Akaashi shrugged, “I get caught in the moment. Sometime that makes me forget to sing and makes me focus more on the instrumental than vocals.”_

_”Caught in the moment?”_

_”Yeah. When you play with someone really good, you can get swept up in the moment. You just get lost in the music and completely forget about everything else-“_

_Akaashi stopped talking. Bokuto glanced over to him, who had a furious blush spread across his cheeks. Akaashi started to look away after he processed what he just said, “Uh... yeah. Just lost in the music. That’s what I meant.”_

_Bokuto just nodded, “Mm..lost in the music. That happens when I play with someone really talented too.”  
_

_They stayed silent for a moment. Akaashi’s fest swayed back and forth as he looked down at the ground. Bokuto kept looking up at the ceiling, wondering if he should just say it right there and right now._

_This light, this emptiness, this energy, only the two of them... it was almost perfect.  
_

_Bokuto took a deep breath in. He turned to face Akaashi properly, still looking up at the ceiling as he opened his mouth._

_”Hey.. so, I really like you.” [“I meant you... I like you.”]_

_The two looked at each other in surprise. Akaashi was facing the same direction as Bokuto, those sea water eyes looking into his left to right. Akaashi pointed at him and Bokuto pointed back at him. They stuttered between, “wait, you-“ and “did you just-?”. Bokuto ended up bursting into laughter as he kept pointing back and forth from Akaashi to himself. Akaashi ran his hand through his own hair as he breathed out softly, a laugh-like sound escaping through his nostrils.  
_

_”So, what we both meant is that we got lost in each other,” Akaashi recalled as he looked at Bokuto._

_”Yes! Oh Akaashi, I didn’t think you would like me back... or even give a response to this,” Bokuto grinned.  
_

_Akaashi almost looked offended, “I thought you wouldn’t like me back! I mean... it’s you. Everyone likes you, so how could I be the someone who you like a little more than everyone else? I guess... you proved that wrong.”_

_”Akaashi. I have never clicked so quickly with a keyboardist or any player before,” Bokuto started to explain, “You are just amazing in every way possible. You’re there to help me when other don’t, you are always willing to do music with me, you’re kind, you’re considerate, you’re a talented artist... you’re perfect.”_

_Akaashi stared at him, “Wow... my words probably won’t live up to that, but... you’re a great person too. So much passion filled into a song, into a feeling, into any sort of action... you always give it your all. You have some sort of way with words and when to use them at the right moments, you make me want to play late into the night, you are very generous with your time and efforts in what we do... I just feel satisfied watching you and everything you do.”_

_”Akaashi!” Bokuto exclaimed, his heart aching even more than when he first heard him sing. Akaashi gave him a gentle smile... oh his poor heart really couldn’t take anymore of this.  
_

_”Satisfied...” Akaashi murmured softly, “If this means what I think it means... does it mean what I think it means?” Akaashi quietly asked._

_Bokuto nodded, “Yes. And yes! I want to go out with you. If you’re going to do what I think you’re going to do... yes,” he said a little more quietly._

_Akaashi scooted closer to him, giving some looks to make sure that what he was doing was okay with Bokuto. He could feel the warmth of Akaashi’s hand when he placed one on Bokuto’s cheek, while the other rested on one of Bokuto’s knees. Bokuto closed his eyes, heat rising to his face as he could practically feel Akaashi soft breathing.  
_

_It was very gentle... soft, tender...like the lightest note on the piano. Bokuto sighed with a smile on his face as he felt those lips pressed against his. He could feel the corner of Akaashi’s lips quirking upwards into that soft smile. Akaashi hummed softly as he pressed on with the kiss, his other hand going up to cup the other side of his face. Bokuto moved his arms to wrap around Akaashi’s waist, his fingers looping around the belt loops of his jeans. Bokuto tugged him forward, to which surprised Akaashi enough for him to laugh a little. A giggle left Bokuto’s mouth, his hands now just resting on Akaashi waist.  
_

_Akaashi pulled away slightly, “The security guard is going to kill us when she looks back at the security tapes. You know how she is about this piano.”_

_Bokuto smiled at him again and again, “Then let’s get out of here before she really does come out of the security office.”  
_

_Akaashi nodded as he pushed himself away from Bokuto. Bokuto took Akaashi’s things walked alongside him as they left the music wing of the school. As they walked side by side, he could feel Akaashi’s hand brush against his, the nice warmth running up his skin whenever they made contact._

_Bokuto took Akaashi’s hand in his._

_And they faded into the hallways as they walked hand in hand._

The college hallways faded away from Bokuto’s mind as the white walls and floors melted back in. The room was now filled with white noise rather than the soft sounds of Akaashi’s voice or his laughter. Bokuto’s hand was trying to clasp a non-existent hand, and for some reason he almost felt a ghost like presence of Akaashi around him. That felt so real... _too_ real. 

”And that was “CORE”, Bokuto,” Daishou sighed as he stared at the screen, “Look at all those memories... you two have been hiding this for four years? Wow! That’s some dedication,” Daishou smirked as he looked back at Bokuto.

”Are you... are you going to erase him from me?” Bokuto cautiously asked as his hands unconsciously moved up to his head, as if covering it would protect the memories inside it.

Daishou laughed.

”No... not yet. There’s still something I need,” he hummed. 

The green in his eyes gleamed again.

”I’ll let you lead the rest of them to me. Then we’ll really have some fun!” he exclaimed fervently, his laughter ringing out. Daishou pressed a button near the wall. The lights in the room dimmed down, and the white walls faded to a grey color. Bokuto shook his head as the white noise got louder, the humming and wiring of the speakers driving him to the edge. Why was it so loud? Isn’t it supposed to be calming?

”Have a good night, Bokuto.”

Daishou walked away from the room, the clicking of his heels ringing out through the hallway. There was no room in front of him, just another white wall. The white noise continued to whir around the empty room, the noise echoing because of the lack of items in the room. Bokuto fell back into the cold mattress, trying his best to ignore the loud noises that went back and forth in his mind.

”Help,” he muttered to the ceiling, “Help... help.. help.”

There was only the soft glow of the blue lit screen behind him. Bokuto sighed deeply as he stared up at the dim ceiling.

He wished he was under that soft yellow light... sitting on that grand piano bench and next to his favorite person in the world.

He wanted that soft yellow light again.

* * *

6:00 a.m.

Akaashi got no sleep. Neither did Kuroo. Or Tsukishima, or Kenma, or Iwaizumi, or Oikawa. Nor Kita or Atsumu and the other half of Silver Lining. They all sat in Kita’s home, anxiously waiting for Kita to bring some sort of news.

”They got him.”

Kita emerged from a hallway, holding up his phone, “I’m so sorry... I thought Daishou would leave some room for the chaos to rise up to convince Truly Neon to back out of the idea. I should have seen this coming since the Ushijima’s weren’t there...”

Oikawa and Kenma grasped Akaashi’s shoulders as the man started to shake. In what? Fear, anger, remorse... who knows what was flying through Akaashi’s mind.

”However... we do know where he is. It’s rather suspicious though,” Kita murmured as he looked at his phone screen, “Why didn’t you go straight to “The Brain”? He might be catching onto us.”

Kita showed them his phone screen. In a map of Japan, there was a red dot pulsing in one of the various buildings “The Brain” owned. Kita had asked Bokuto to allow him to place a tracker inside his phone when the man told him he was going to talk to Daishou. If the CEO was thorough, he may have found the tracking system in the phone... or he’s planning to peak the interest of Kita or Kuroo to drag them into his mind game. Either way... it seemed like a trap.

Kita gave a reassuring smile to the others around him. He knew what to do... he would have to ask Ushijima for some assistance with this, but he knew exactly what to do. 

Kuroo gave him a nod. It looks like he was thinking the same thing. 

”But we can bite back at him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Haikyuu manga is ending this week and I honestly have never felt so emotional. I hope the fandom stays alive for long time ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	28. To Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To Be - Digital Single  
> From: Ushijima Wakatoshi, 1st Digital Single
> 
> Imagine what it’s like  
> To be loved  
> Wanted  
> Gotten  
> In a love struck cycle  
> What’s it like to be  
> Held  
> To be melted with a touch  
> To be loved  
> To be loved by you.

Communication. 

It’s a single word and action that Ushijima has a hard time relating with. He had never been the best at expressing himself properly, even from when he was young. His father was always overseas managing the international companies, his mother was doing who knows what ever since she divorced his father, and he was rather lonely in doing his own work. The only thing that motivated him was how much his father enjoyed seeing Ushijima dance and sing... he wanted to be an entertainer who would always make his father smile. 

Then again, it’s hard to do that when he lacked the ability to communicate. Awkward smiles, blunt responses... a “scary” idol. His exposure was thanks to his father once more, but he was not very pleased at the idea of being known for his bad social skills. He tried, he really did.

That’s when he was younger.

When he met Kiyoomi, things were different. It started with awkward conversations and awkward encounters, but they admired things within each other.

Dance was their way of communication. 

One up each other, teach each other, learn from each other. That’s how a basic friendship was formed. They would get riled up when one beat the other in the weekly assessments, and they would bond over new techniques in dance and music. 

Then they were paired. Their relationship was steadily growing as time went on, their performances strengthening their bond with each other. They started to spend a lot of time with each after practice too: going out to eat, buying clothes, reading...

His communication started to improve and Kiyoomi slowly came out of his shell. They grew because of each other.

Ushijima remembered the day he felt that warm emotion wave through him.

-

_“Sakusa, we still haven’t trained for that part.”_

_Ushijima, before he entered the business his father set, was an artist himself. He was paired with Sakusa to make beautiful pieces of art, some of which were continuously circling around. During this time, they were going to perform at a huge awards show._

_Of course, for adolescents... performing in such a big event and crowd can cause some shaken thoughts._

_Especially for Sakusa, who hated crowds._

_Yet, he was insistent on practicing the more difficult part of their choreography, which included an elastic ribbon. They had to be careful not to trip, snap, or tangled themselves in the elastic. It could easily cause trouble in an instant. Sakusa was holding up the red elastic to him.  
_

_”Oh come on. It shouldn’t be too hard,” Sakusa tried to convince him, “We’ve practiced the feet placement and movement.”_

_”Yes, but the arm movement is still important,” Ushijima pointed out, “What happens if one of us lets go of the elastic? That will give us whiplash right in the face”_

_Ushijima shook his head, “Wait till the dance instructor shows us how to do it properly. It’s only a few more hours-“_

_”Wakatoshi, we’ve been working together for years. Do you have no trust in your dance partner?”_

_Oh. First name basis. He hadn’t heard that in a while. Ushijima stared at Sakusa’s outstretched hand, which held one end of the red elastic. Ushijima looked up at Sakusa, his eyes looking into Ushijima’s with such a sense of determination.  
_

_If Sakusa wanted to get something done, he was going to get it done._

_Ushijima sighed to himself, “Practice. This is practice.”_

_Sakusa nodded, “The more we practice, the more we’ll improve. That’s just how it is.”  
_

_They positioned themselves in the starting stance, each in opposing ends of the practice room. Ushijima held the end of the elastic in his hand, wrapping a part of it around his palm. Sakusa breathed out heavily, shaking the elastic slightly to get a feel of it._

_”Ready?”_

_”Whenever you are.”_

_”Alright... 5,6,7,8!”_

_They turned around to the non-existent music, the elastic slightly wrapping around one side of their body. Sakusa gingerly stepped his way to Ushijima, folding the elastic to create more tension as he got closer. Ushijima folded a part of his end, the rest crossing over his other arm. Sakusa planted the loose end he had under his feet, sliding his foot around to make a shape of some sort._

_”And, up,” Sakusa commanded as he moved his arm up, Ushijima doing the same so that the elastic met at one point. That long strand would loop around their necks, the rest of the elastic being pressed under their feet or maneuvered by their hands._

_It was going smoothly._

_”And apart.”_

_They moved out of the loops in a twist, creating the tension again with the elastic. There was a little too much..._

_”And pull.”_

_Sakusa pulled a little too hard. Ushijima winced as he felt the red elastic slip through his sweaty palm, a sharp noise coming from the other end of the room._

_”Ow!”  
_

_Ushijima turned to look at Sakusa, who was covering one half of his face with his hand. The red elastic was limp on the floor after they dropped it. Ushijima walked over to Sakusa, concern clouding his mind as the man wouldn’t lower his hand away from his face._

_”Let me see,” Ushijima asked as he reached out to Sakusa’s face._

_”It’s fine,” Sakusa grumbled._

_”Kiyoomi,” Ushijima sternly spoke, “Let me see.”  
_

_Sakusa sighed heavily, but he still wouldn’t lower his hand. Ushijima reached out to his face once more, carefully lifting off Sakusa’s hand from his face. Sakusa turned his face away the moment he did that. Ushijima frowned._

_”Kiyoomi.”_

_”You’re going to get mad.”_

_”Why would I get mad? It’s a simple mistake.”_

_”But you were right. You knew this would happen, but you still did it with me.”_

_”It was just practice. Accidents will happen during practice, but what’s important is that we learn from our mistakes so that it won’t happen in the real time performance,” Ushijima reasoned, “Now... please allow me to examine you to see if you have any sort of cut.”_

_Sakusa hesitantly turned his face. Ushijima saw the red mark streaked across his eye, and there was the smallest cut that was made from the hard end of the elastic. Ushijima left Sakusa to get one of the bandages from the first-aid kit and a cloth to disinfect it.  
_

_”Is it bad?” Sakusa asked as he looked at the bandage._

_”It’s a small cut. Paper cut like, but I know you hate disregarding any sort of injury, big and small,” Ushijima replied while he wiped off any bit of blood that came out from the small cut. He peeled the band-aid from the wrapper and plastered it on Sakusa’s face, right above his two moles.  
_

_”There. And before you worry, my hands were clean,” he pointed out before Sakusa could ask._

_”I know,” Sakusa murmured as he touched the band-aid. Another sigh passed through his mouth, walking to the wall where they left their things. Sakusa sat down, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his head between them. Ushijima furrowed his eyebrows... Sakusa rarely took sudden breaks.  
_

_Ushijima sat next to Sakusa, stretching out his legs in front of him. He tilted his head back, leaning it against the wall.  
_

_”Is something wrong?” Ushijima finally asked after the silence was dragged out.  
_

_Sakusa leaned towards his direction. Ushijima was about to scoot away, knowing very well how the man wasn’t very fond of those gestures (unless it was in their work) and how it could have been a mistake, but Sakusa hummed in annoyance._

_”Stay there,” he muttered, lifting his head away from his knees. Ushijima didn’t question it. Sakusa leaned against him, his arm pressed against Ushijima’s arm and his head was tilting toward his shoulder. Ushijima glanced down at Sakusa, who’s whole mood seemed to have plummeted after the slip up.  
_

_Sakusa fiddled with the zipper of his sweater, “It happened again.”_

_”When?”_

_”This morning.”_

_Ushijima sighed softly, “Kiyoomi... if someone ever tries to get any sort of information from you about your personal life or even your life in the industry, you have a right to deny them. We have our private policy rules for a reason.”_

_”You think I didn’t try?” Sakusa scoffed, “They just keep it coming. My whole life is going to be on the internet, Wakatoshi. Everything. I literally can’t do anything without people thinking that I’m a huge publicity stunt or some walking ad. It was over coffee... coffee!” he almost exclaimed._

_”Coffee?”_

_”Yes. I bought coffee from Robusta, but someone mentioned that I was a sponsor for Wake, and then a whole argument broke out... over a cappuccino. They tried to offer me a deal to sponsor them instead, but I just wanted a drink,” Sakusa complained, “That’s why I was insistent on practicing the dance. I thought it would help me get my mind off of that.”_

_”But now you’re thinking about it because of that red mark across your face.”_

_”Exactly,” he made a hand gesture, “What are they going to think? ‘Oh, his company mistreats him’, ‘Who did that?’, they just make everything ten times as dramatic than it should be. Maybe they’ll put ‘attention seeker’, even though that’s the last thing I’ll ever be.”_

_Sakusa leaned further into Ushijima, “I know it’s strange, but I have a strong disliking to these sorts of people. I just needed some sort of comfort... and since dance failed, you’re the next best thing,” he barely murmured the last part, but Ushijima was close enough to hear it._

_Again, he wasn’t the best with communication... but sometimes he didn’t have to use words._

_Sakusa was already pressed against him. He most likely wouldn’t reject any other gesture if he was the one who initiated it. Carefully thinking it out, Ushijima tilted his head towards Sakusa’s, a gentle tap coming out of the contact. Sakusa didn’t move away from it._

_Okay... that was well executed._

_Now what?_

_”Just... stay,” Sakusa quietly whispered, “This is fine,” he softly spoke as if he knew that Ushijima felt like he needed to do something else.  
_

_So he stayed. His nose was tickled by Sakusa’s soft hair, every time he breathed in he could pick up some sort of undertone to it. Linen and lemon? It was a pleasant smell, and a scent that wasn’t too harsh for him. Delicate, even.  
_

_It was a late afternoon that day, and they had been working their separate ways until they got here. Both of them were tired, but they had one more session with their dance instructor before the day was over. Time passed, and they stayed there on the floor of the practice room. After a while, Ushijima looked up at the sound of the door opening, making eye contact with their dance trainer.  
_

_”Sakusa-“ he was about to say, but then something caught his words._

_Oh._

_Ushijima felt some sort of feeling grow into him at the sight._

_He was sleeping. It wouldn’t seem like a thing to rejoice at, but Sakusa was very particular when it came to his sleep. Even at the dorm, he would always have a specific routine before and when he went to bed. Yet, there he was. Sleeping on what he had name before, ‘an inconvenient place’. Sakusa had felt comfortable enough to sleep on his shoulder.  
_

_Ushijima glanced up at the dance instructor, signaling with his eyes that Sakusa was resting. The instructor lifted her eyebrow up, but Ushijima then mouthed “hard day” silently. Thankfully, she was understanding and pointed out that she’d be back in an hour or so. She quietly left, leaving Ushijima and Sakusa alone._

_All he could hear was Sakusa’s soft breathing and a...thumping?_

_Oh._

_That was him._

_His chest was thumping from his heartbeat. Oh... so is this what it was like? Is this what his companions and colleagues had talked about?_

_To be... caring for someone? Dare he say... to be in love?_

_Huh._

_The smell of linen and lemon hung around him._

_To be in love..._

_That sounded lovely._

_-_

That was the first time he had felt anything romantically for another person. There was platonic relationships, but that day... that was the first time he genuinely wanted to be with someone.

And he did end up with him. He married the man he wished to be with, his last name now uniting them together. Kiyoomi may seem uptight to others since his actions and characteristics portray him like that, but it wasn’t true. Kiyoomi is a man who likes the smell of Downy, who has to have his clothes fresh out of the dryer, who likes to play the violin as a hobby, who steals his sweaters- specifically his purple hoodie, and he’s just... a pleasure to be around. At least once he opens up when he’s ready. 

It was a pleasure being married to him, but...

If Ushijima were to name his biggest regret when it came to Kiyoomi, it would be bringing him along to join the company.

Originally, he was going to join as a director and that was that. However, his father offered Kiyoomi the position as the main choreographer and dance directors for the company. Kiyoomi accepted it on his own, but Ushijima wished he had stopped him. If only he knew that Daishou would act such a way...

He would have never allowed Kiyoomi to take a step into that wretched building.

This morning, he woke up to the right side of the bed being empty. It wasn’t seven-thirty, it was six twenty-five. Kiyoomi always woke up at the exact same time. 

Ushijima sat up, slipping away from the warm covers as he searched for his husband. Where could he have gone this early? 

He froze as the silence was broken. That sound-

Oh no...

Ushijima whipped around, walking quickly to the bathroom. The door was closed, but not locked. He pushed it open, his heart almost breaking at the sight that he had seen one too many times. 

Kiyoomi was leaning over the toilet bowl, drool dripping down into the water with residue that was leftover from vomit. His face crumpled when he gagged, trying to keep it down. Ushijima knelt next to him, holding his hair away from his face. He squeezed his eyes shut as he heard that awful sound, flushing away whatever came out of Kiyoomi’s mouth.

”You’re okay... you’re okay,” Ushijima murmured as he placed his free hand on his back, drawing small circles with his thumb. Kiyoomi shakily breathed out, his nose wrinkling in disgust and agony as he leaned slightly away from the toilet.

”Goddamn Alpha pill... my body must be shocked by the sudden reintroduction, and colliding with the old suppression pills,” Kiyoomi muttered, turning back to the bowl to spit out something.

See... Kiyoomi was a healthy person. He hated leaving any sort of injury unattended. Ever since he joined the company though, and ever since that Alpha pill came into view... his health was becoming the least of his priorities. Fevers, migraines, vomiting, and so many other things came along with the company. Kiyoomi was heavily affected by it more than Ushijima was. 

“You are not going to work today,” Ushijima told him.

”I have to... Daishou was acting strange yesterday and I saw him with one of the sedatives before he sent us off. He took one of them... we’re taking action soon-“

”Then rest. If we do go into it today, you need to feel better so that we can do our part,” Ushijima reminded as he tucked strands of Kiyoomi’s hair behind his ear, “Stay home... please?”

”Wakatoshi, I have to-“

”Please?” he added with a slightly higher tone, trying his best to get some sort of positive reaction from Kiyoomi. He wasn’t great at it, but maybe it would convince him somehow. 

The breath of a laugh came out of his nostrils, “Toshi... if only everyone could see how you act around me, then they would actually believe the things I say about you,” the slightest smile formed on Kiyoomi’s face.

“Only for you, my love,” he softly spoke, planting a gentle kiss on the top of Kiyoomi’s head. The man sighed quietly, slowly getting back onto his feet with Ushijima’s help. They just did their daily routine a little bit earlier: shower, brush hair, brushing teeth, but only this time, Kiyoomi sat in the bed in his pajamas, while Ushijima stood in front of the mirror to fix his tie. 

”Here, at least let me do this,” Kiyoomi spoke up as he walked to him, turning Ushijima to face him. Ushijima dropped his hands away from his tie, allowing his husband to adjust his tie. Kiyoomi then went to grab his blazer, and helped him into it. He straightened out any creases, fixing the knot of the tie one last time. Kiyoomi nodded in approval.

”Crisp and clean,” Kiyoomi snapped his fingers, a slight twinkle in his eye appearing, “Are you coming back for lunch?”

”Don’t lift a single finger,” Ushijima glanced at him, “I’ll bring your favorite takeout when I come back. And if I see that the closet is organized by color and type, then I’ll know that you weren’t resting. Just stay in bed, okay?”

Kiyoomi rolled his eyes, “Alright... I’ll see you later then,” he leaned over to give a kiss on his cheek, “Tell me if anything happens.”

”Of course,” he returned the gesture, “I’ll be back soon.”

He didn’t want to leave. For some reason, that single thought was starting to cloud his mind. That day that he saw Daishou with Kiyoomi... there’s something that man is planning to do with them as well. 

He had to know.

Ushijima forced himself to leave his home a few moments later, starting the day early in that wretched building rather than in his home that smelled of linen and lemon.

-

“No Sakusa today?”

Ushijima glanced up at Daishou, who was leaning over his desk. Ushijima pressed his lips into a thin line when he noticed that the man was staining his glass nameplate with fingerprints. Ushijima placed down whatever he was working on, “He was feeling ill. Kiyoomi needed some rest after all his hard work, as anyone would when they strive to make the company better.”

“The way you worded that sounds like there’s another meaning to it,” Daishou questioned, “Are you saying that you don’t like the way the company is right now?”

”I never mentioned that,” Ushijima calmly replied, “I would, however, appreciate it if you would treat my husband as an equal. Kiyoomi is assigned more work than anyone else, and it will eventually take a toll onto his health and overall mentality,” he continued as he picked up his pen, signing away at papers, “Perhaps you could invest in more upper class workers or a close knit assistant if you need certain things throughout the day.”

Daishou looked surprised at his response, “Favoritism? Do you believe I have favorites?”

”I still remember you looking at Kiyoomi like that,” Ushijima gripped his pen, “I know that look more than anyone else... desire. Longing. Yearning. Or could it just be the feeling of wanting something that has been lost? Unless there’s something sinister underneath it all, your desire for that feeling won’t be fulfilled by keeping him close to you. A married man? I’m sure a bachelor like you can find anyone else.”

Test the waters. Ushijima looked at Daishou’s expression. The man had the nerve to smirk as his words, his tongue cockily sticking out. Daishou tapped on the glass nameplate, “And if I don’t want to?”

Ushijima’s eye twitched, “I’m not a man of violence, but I assure you that I will not hesitate to do something if you dare to try anything on him.”

Daishou waved his hands around, “I’m kidding! Gee, you really need to know how to take a joke Ushiwaka. I’m just saying...”

He tilted his head down, “I may have more to offer than you do.”

Ushijima shook his head, “I have a few errands to run. I hope you’ll be able to manage yourself while I am gone. In case if you are unaware, you have lunch with your father this afternoon, and you must sign the paperwork for IT Studios so we can continue to work with the shooting locations for Grey Skies. I have attend a meeting with K.O Camera and Video Resources, and then I have to attend to a few other events. I’ll be off the rest of the afternoon as you wished for yesterday.”

Ushijima stood up, and was about to walk away when Daishou places a hand on his shoulder, “One thing before you go...”

He could hear a smile in his voice.

”I want you to handle something at H.C. If Sakusa could come along, that would be very nice as well. He’s the one who dealt with these tasks, so he has some experience with it. You two will be the decoys, while I’ll take care of the rest...”

Ushijima brushed Daishou’s hand away from his shoulder, “Of course. H.C, you say? I’ll be there at the given time. I assume you took action on the current issue?”

”You catch on quickly. I’ll see you two later tonight.”

Ushijima nodded at him and left the room. He walked down the king halls of the company, giving some greetings to the employees that passed by him. H.C... while it was a side building, it contained many valuable products and equipment. Could it be that he was planning to do an erasure from there? Not to mention, he was getting rather cocky when it came to Kiyoomi... was he planning to do something against one of the two because of his own emotions? Or had he caught into their plans with Truly Neón and Silver Lining? Either way, he wasn’t going to let either of them go without getting what he wanted.

He almost shivered at the idea of Daishou getting what he wanted from him. 

That was not going to happen. They couldn’t predict what would happen, but when Kita tried, he lost because of media manipulation. 

Ushijima pulled out his phone as he exited the building, dialing a number while he walked to his car. The person picked up immediately.

” _Wakatoshi, it’s been so long!”_

”Satori, It has been a while. This may sound sudden, but I need to ask a favor from you...”

* * *

“Eh?”

Kuroo was dragged along by Yaku and Lev, also known as Grey Skies, to their next product testing. Grey Skies, a dynamic idol duo, were well known for their cinematography when it came to their music videos. From the sharp perspective down below, to the soaring heights in the skies, they never failed to take their fans breath away with the pieces of art. Today, they were testing a specialized body camera for an underwater shot, which will be featured in the OST music video.

K.O Camera and Video Resources. A smaller company that was close to the Ushijima family. One of the owners, Tendou Satori, ran the company with his husband, Tendou Eita, or Semi Eita, since the company used to be call Semi-Vid. Kuroo glanced over at the counter, where Tendou was speaking to someone in a serious tone.

”Kuroo, you look so on edge today,” Yaku spoke, breaking Kuroo out of his spaced out mind, “Is it because of what happened yesterday?”

Lev was adjusting the straps of the body camera, “Don’t worry, I’m sure the company won’t do anything against them. I looked at all the comments in the morning,” he grinned while holding up a “okay” signal, “Positive all around!”

Kuroo smiled at the effort Lev gave to cheer him up, “I know... but we all know how the CEO is. I’m just worried that it’ll be too late...”

Yaku and Lev knew about their plan. They had been quietly supporting them from the side, occasionally adding in an article or pictures that would give more backing to their other pieces of information. The two weren’t available to fully join them, mostly because Lev’s sister was in a current drama and had asked the duo to help create the soundtrack. They were busy, but Yaku has suggested for Kuroo to come along in order to take his mind off of things for a moment.

Bokuto... he hated being alone. Kuroo couldn’t help but to bite his nails at the thought of Bokuto all by himself in some sort of room. 

”Don’t do that,” Yaku softly pushed Kuroo’s fingers away from his teeth, “If there’s anything we can do-“

”Yeah, I’ve got one of them right here. I’ll relay your information. Hopefully we can join you for dinner someday- dessert on me! I’ll chat later, bye bye, Wakatoshi. “

They all looked over at the red-head, who placed his phone down. He suddenly pointed at Kuroo, a grin on his face, “Looks like we have a rebel on our hands!”

”Me?”

”Duh. I can’t believe you want to take down your own CEO... then again, he did do some nasty things to all of you, so I one-hundred percent support you,” he gave a thumbs up, “Wakatoshi just called, and he has an idea to make sure nothing will backfire when it comes to media. Luckily for you, I’m an expert at these things.”

Lev raised an eyebrow, “But... this is a camera equipment shop? Not the news?”

Tendou placed a hand on his hip, “Tsk tsk! Aren’t you one half of the most well know cinematography duos in Tokyo?” he almost said in disappointment, “We have a way with cameras. Whether it be the most heavy duty type to a simple phone camera, they all still do their job of recording something.”

Tendou went around the counter, going straight to a room in the back, “If you’re going to do something, it has to be tonight. Wakatoshi said he was being sent to a location later tonight. Daishou is most likely to make some sort of move, and you need it on camera. Eita and I will help you in this part.”

Tendou emerged from the room, holding a small box, “This is what will win in the media battle.”

The three peered into the box. A smile crawled up his face, “Ah... I see where this is going.”

”And you two,” Tendou pointed to Yaku and Lev, “Are going to help us execute this properly. If you aren’t busy that is, but then again, this does include your fates...”

Yaku nudged Lev, “Of course we’ll help.”

”Count us in!” Lev cheered on.

Kuroo pulled out his phone, typingbout a quick text to the private group they made for this plan. He sighed deeply as Tendou started to relay instructions on the use of the gadget, listening intently as he added the last period on the sentence

” _We’re moving tonight.”_

_Send._

* * *

Later that day, they all gathered at Tsukishima’s place, which was a little closer to the location. In the opposite direction of “The Brain”, there lies a building, one of the several buildings that connected to “The Brain”. A testing lab, a pharmacy, who knows what it was. All they knew was that Bokuto was in there.

Kuroo looked around at everyone. They had already set their positions. Iwaizumi and Oikawa would be on lookout for any other threats when they arrived. Osamu and Suna were the ones who would be ready from the apartment to upload their information to the public. Kenma was helping Yaku and Lev from Tendou’s establishment with their half. The Ushijima’s were already at the location and were willing to assist in any way possible. Akaashi, Atsumu, Kita, Tsukishima, and himself would be going in directly. They were after all... the ones who had the biggest grudges against Daishou.

He looked around at the others, who were adjusting some things on their ears and clothes. They bought some cheap ear pieces just in case an emergency happened. Kuroo noticed how some of the pairings lingered on some of their significant others touches. Atsumu had touched the temple of Kita’s head, frowning at a thought that everyone probably had.

If they failed, it was over. 

Kuroo could feel Tsukishima’s presence behind him. He felt him smoothing out the back of his collar, “This is the biggest performance we’ll ever do,” Tsukishima sighed quietly, “Are you ready?”

Kuroo turned to face him, “We can’t back out. The show must go on,” he said with a strained smile, “Kei... I’ll make sure this is a performance that no one will ever forget. We’ll make sure that it will be one. All of us.”

Tsukishima have a small nod, leaning his head against Kuroo’s forehead. They exhaled softly, the puff of air coming out of their noses blowing against each other from their proximity. Kuroo’s hand lifted to him own neck, his fingers grasping the necklace he wore everyday.

”Te amo,” he murmured to Tsukishima one last time before they went out, “Let’s go... let’s finish this once an for all.”

Tsukishima looked at him, as if he could sense some sort of worry in him, “Clear mind?” he asked to make sure he wasn’t going in with a cloudy mind.

”Clear as daylight.”

Everyone had their moments. Akaashi was making sure that the ones who were helping outside of the location knew what they were doing. Kita made a few last calls to Tendou and the Ushijima’s for confirmation on their position. He then looked over to Kuroo, giving a nod of affirmation.

Kuroo stood by Tsukishima, now turning to face the door.

All or nothing.

One last deep breath.

“Alright team... it’s time to dig our heels into the head of that viper.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that I haven’t gotten into Ushisaku’s relationship much, so here’s this! I wanted to develop all the “main” relationships before we get to the big boom next few chapters, and this was the last one.
> 
> Let’s get it.  
> Let’s go.


	29. 404

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !ERROR!  
> Song cannot be found.  
> Please wait while we are fixing the problem.
> 
> Would you like to...  
> \- close out of program?  
> \- wait?  
> \- reboot system?  
> ...  
> You’ve selected “reboot system”.  
> ...  
> Would you like to choose more than one system...?

The smell of a hospital room or hall was arguably one of the scents that can cause anyone’s stomach to twist. Antiseptic... a lot of antiseptic with the metallic taste of stainless steel cleaner when breathing in. He could gag from the smell. Just imagining what could be happening in the building made him feel sick.

Sakusa was the one who left the door open. It was a secluded entrance, the same one in which Daishou would bring in and out people he personally chose. Oikawa and Iwaizumi hung around behind them, waiting until they arrived at the doorframe to be in position.

”Alright,” Kita murmured, “Earpieces on. We’re getting close.”

Tsukishima turned on the small black earpiece, shaking his hands to get rid of any clamming. Everyone else did as they were told, Iwaizumi and Oikawa now settling themselves at the sides of the doorway. They peered into the small windows, and then gestured for them to go forward.

“We’ll be circling back through entrances,” Iwaizumi nodded, “If you need backup, call one of us.”

Kita have a thumbs up. They all looked at the doors, following Kita as the pushed them open. Tsukishima squinted his eyes at the sudden amount of light that came into view. 

White lights. The hallway lights were off, but the ones that shone from the rooms were still bright. They slowly walked down the hall, looking into each room to see if Bokuto was in any of them.

Tsukishima heard a shaky sigh from Kuroo.

He turned around to look at him. Kuroo was grasping at his own hand, his eyes darting left to right as they shook. Ah... it still wasn’t easy for him to be in a setting like this. Tsukishima held his hand out to Kuroo, who was now staring down at it.

”It’s okay... you’re not there. This isn’t the same place, or the same room... just don’t look into the white lights,” Tsukishima quietly told him as Kuroo took his hand. Kuroo squeezed his hand tightly while he looked up at the ceiling, avoiding his gaze to the lights in the rooms. The tension on his hand gradually eased the further they went on. Tsukishima looked into each room while Kuroo calmed down, but there weren’t any people in sight.

There were screens on the other hand. Some of them played a sort of video in the background, while other played what can be assumed to be testing products. There were wires hanging from different places and the white beds were clean as ever. Tsukishima could smell the bleach from where he was standing. Kita was quietly talking to Iwaizumi to make sure they were safe. Nothing. Where could he be?

They continued walking for a while. Suddenly the group stopped. 

”Look.”

Tsukishima look ahead at Akaashi, who’s finger was trembling as he pointed inside a room. The all leaned towards the room Akaashi was pointing into, expecting to see Bokuto. Tsukishima widened his eyes as he watched the screen above the bed...

”His... memories?” Kuroo finally spoke as he only stared at the screen, “Those are Bo’s memories.”

”Of me,” Akaashi barely whispered, “They’re all of me...”

The screen suddenly turned black. A glowing green countdown appeared, the time ticking down towards something. Smaller lettering appeared above it....

” _Erasure Process for Bokuto Koutarou in 15 minutes...”_

“Fuck... fucking shit!” Akaashi almost yelled as he looked at the timer. He whipped away from the plexiglass wall, running down the hall as he started to desperately search for any signs of Bokuto. Everyone else broke into a sprint as they looked around for Bokuto. Tsukishima felt Kuroo’s hand slip away from his as he started to look into room himself. Looks like his mind told him that his friend was the priority over his past. Tsukishima looked into each corner, each room, each hall, but there were no signs of him.

If this was a testing building... there has to be an erasure room. There has to be one! They would never do it in one of these recovery rooms... the only question is where is the room?

Tsukishima came to a screeching halt when something caught his eye. The walls... there were very thin separations in them. Perhaps...

He started dragging his hand along the walls, gently pressing down on each separated section. He could hear Kita trying to contact one of the Ushijima’s, but it seemed like they couldn’t get back to him. Tsukishima furrowed his eyebrows as he went along every wall, pressing and pressing-

One of them lit up.

Tsukishima looked up at the frame that appeared, a small scanner showing up where the door handle would be. ID... Kita had Sakusa’s on his phone.

He presses his finger against the talk button in the earpiece, “Come over to where I am. I found something. Oikawa, Iwaizumi... come inside too. I think this is where you really have to be positioned.”

He heard everyone jog their way over to the frame he was standing at. Tsukishima looked at Kita, pointing to the ID scanner. He quickly understood, pulling out his phone to show the virtual ID Sakusa had screenshot. Kita swiped his phone across the scanner, which caused the device to beep in affirmation. The door slid open on its own, another hall appearing in front of them.

”Good job Tsukki,” Kuroo smiled from behind him, “Let’s go deep if he’s in there.”

”The timer says ten minutes!” Oikawa exclaimed from a distance as him and Iwaizumi were approaching the new hall. 

Everyone ran in quickly, now going into a dim hall. Tsukishima stopped Kuroo before he could go in, “Maybe you should stay... the erasure rooms are in there.”

Kuroo gave a reassuring nod, “I’ll be okay. Bo is who needs us right now. I can’t let my fears or my past hold me back from saving him from what we had to go through.”

Tsukishima hesitantly let go of Kuroo. They went into the hallway together, running behind the others as they looked for Bokuto once more. Labs, storage rooms...

There.

The only room with light peeking through the cracks. The erasure room. Tsukishima squinted at it. Right at the end of the hallway, the only room with a light on, a secluded hallway...

As predicted, it was some sort of trap. Perhaps he was planning on trapping them in one space so that they wouldn’t be able to escape. Depending on the size of the room and how much equipment was available, Daishou could definitely erase whatever he wanted to if he caught them.

Kuroo has made his way to the front, now standing with Kita. Kita was hesitating to break into the room, his feet far away from the door sensors. The man gritted his teeth as he moved forward, the doors automatically opening on their own. Everyone swarmed in, spreading out in the room. 

The antiseptic was very strong.

Tsukishima looked up, the blinding lights hitting his eyes. His vision focused and refocused as it adjusted to the lighting. The viewing room was completely blacked out. He could hear the whirring of all those machines, the soft beeps of monitors, but...

No one was on the bed.

The door closed behind them. A clicking sound cane from the lock. Tsukishima narrowed his eyes as he watched a single curtain lift up, a figure appearing in the perfect place to watch an erasure process.

”So I wasn’t wrong,” Daishou snickered through the speakers, “You all are trying to recover your friend... and you were trying to find a way to stop me too? Ha!” he threw his head back, “It’s such a pity to see you try.”

Daishou looked down at him, “Oh! It’s you... Kuroo, you really did manage to break through that seal. Looks like I was right about you recovering your memories. No wonder why you seem so shaken up,” he teased.

Kuroo ignored the remark, looking up at Daishou, “Where’s our drummer? Where is Kou?” he asked, trying his best to stay calm.

”I don’t know... ask him yourself,” Daishou pointed down to another door that was in the room. Tsukishima watched as doctors were grappling Bokuto by the arms, pushing him into the room by force. It had only been a short time since Bokuto had been taken, but he looked exhausted. The eye bags underneath his eyes had grown darker, as if everything had suddenly been drained out of him. He only had his eyes on one person. Tsukishima glanced over at Akaashi. The man planted his feet in the ground, resisting the urge to run over and rip Bokuto away from their arms. The door opened once more from where he came from. More doctors appeared.

They handled Sakusa and Ushijima. The two only looked down at the floor. Ushijima seemed to have gotten a cut right across his cheek. Did they fight someone?

Daishou must have seen a reaction from one of them, “What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue? You should see the look on your face, Kita,” he smirked as he disappeared from the single open window. Tsukishima followed the sound of his clicking heels, noticing that he would be coming down from another door that led to the erasure room. Daishou soon emerged from said door, his arms behind his back as he walked to the center of the room. He separated them from Bokuto, sitting on the bed and crossing his legs.

Kita was visibly frustrated. Daishou Gained pleasure from that.

”Ha... my own artists and their friends are trying to fix this corrupt system. Do you have any idea how hard that is?” Daishou asked as he smoothed the sheets underneath him, “You all are just pawns. You can be easily disposed of. I did that years ago... I won’t hesitate to do it again.”

Akaashi was about to say something, but Bokuto was frantically shaking his head. Daishou looked over at Akaashi, “What? You’re not going to save your boyfriend? Coward!” he chuckled, “You come in here to do that, yet all of you don’t have the nerve to step up for them? You truly are cowards!”

Daishou hopped off of the bed, walking over to the three that were held by the doctors, “Come on... you aren’t going to do anything?” Daishou gestured to them. He went to Ushijima, lifting up his chin, “Not for the one who was willing to stand up against me and fight me?” he continued, pushing Ushijima’s face away harshly. 

He went to Bokuto, “Not for your beloved drummer? For your friend, for your lover, for the sake of his memories?” he taunted, shaking Bokuto’s face when he grabbed him. Akaashi’s face curled up when he saw Daishou leave nail marks on Bokuto’s skin. The man moved away from Bokuto, now standing next to Sakusa.

”Not even for the one who took that USB? The one who gave you access to enter this place? Without him you wouldn’t have gotten anywhere!” he laughed as he looked at Sakusa, “Shame. I actually had some trust in you-“

Sakusa suddenly turned his face and spat on Daishou. The man looked at Sakusa in disbelief as a fleck of spit trailed down his face. Daishou gave half of a laugh, looking back at Sakusa with venom laced in his voice, “Kiyoomi... I thought you weren’t one to do such dirty things like this.”

Sakusa huffed, his eyes hollow when he looked at Daishou, “For someone grimy and disgusting like you? It’s already tainted. You’re already filled with stains, and you can’t cover them up forever.”

A slap rang out.

Sakusa’s eyes were now blank as he processed what just happened. There was a red hand mark on his cheek, his face turned away from Daishou. The CEO looked down at him, “Don’t test me,” he quietly muttered, reaching back down to Sakusa’s face. He harshly grasped Sakusa’s chin in his hand, bringing it up so that he could look him straight in the eye. Daishou glanced over to Ushijima.

The man was fuming from the ears. 

”Let’s get this straight everyone,” Daishou announced, “You can all come out of here untouched. You can all come out of here as if nothing ever happened. You’ll be able to continue your activities, continue as a band, and continue to thrive. I only ask for a simple thing, and that’s to follow everything I set up for you. Otherwise?”

Daishou took Sakusa away from the doctors, pulling him along and shoving him down on the bed, “You’ll be just like this,” he threatened as he held Sakusa’s hands down on his chest with one hand, “I’ll go through each one of your memories and erase whatever I want to. I’ll take away what’s most important to you,” he murmured as he tapped Sakusa’s forehead with his free hand, “Everything in that pretty little head will be gone. I can even make you a blank slate and mold you to my standards. Do you want that?”

The room lit up in a blue color. Daishou smirked as he lifted his head up towards the ceiling, “Ah. It’s time for our next appointment,” he glanced towards the group, “Are we doing this the hard way again? You guys always love a challenge.”

Ushijima tore himself away from the doctors, knocking them into the door behind them. Daishou looked at him in bewilderment, Ushijima lunging at Daishou as he wrangled him off of Sakusa. Ushijima held Daishou in a strong hold, gesturing to the others to make their move.

They followed as planned.

Kuroo, Akaashi, and Tsukishima wrangled the doctors down, finding some sort of restraining tie in order for them to not escape. Kita checked on Sakusa to make sure he was okay, taking the actual ID to scan his way into the room the doctors came out of with Sakusa following. Akaashi released Bokuto from the last of the doctors, looking around for any sort of device on him. He yanked off a single patch on the back of his neck, which died down in a wailing beep. It must have been the thing that graphed his memories so quickly.

Daishou just laughed, “You really think this is enough to stop me?! Are you going to run away-“

”Shut your trap. You’re live.”

Daishou froze as Atsumu pointed to a pin on his jacket, “I said you’re live. Smile at the camera, Mr. CEO!”

Everyone had a small camera built into a pin on their shirt, jacket, or even one implanted into earrings. Tendou had provided them to the group since he had such devices because of a “secret cam” episode in an artists reality show. In this very moment, Yaku, Lev, Tendou and Semi were managing the live stream from different places. One pair was on YouTube, another was on Instagram, and another was on the video live website channel for Viper Entertainment. Tsukishima pulled out of his phone, checking for every tabloid and news page. As promised, Osamu and Suna had uploaded their collected evidence onto any site they could reach. It was a neat and organized article, videos and pictures being released along with it. Comments were flooding in, both in the lives and articles.

Atsumu grinned, “You can’t delete any of this like last time. We caught you red-handed.”

Kita and Sakusa emerged from the door the doctors came out of. Sakusa held up receipts and bottles of some, “And look here... you really did have a remedy for the Alpha pills _and_ any sort of memory suppression pill. You’ve been making people suffer side-effects when you have pills that cancel those and the effect of the pill out!”

Kita held up more papers and a pair of earrings, “I have all the names of the doctors who helped you, and the names of those who you did non-consenting erasure on. Bokuto’s earrings had a voice recorder from the day you took him. The police are on their way. You’re done, Daishou Suguru.”

It fell silent.

Then a giggle came out.

Another.

Another.

He started to cackle hysterically, shaking against Ushijima’s arms. Atsumu lifted an eyebrow up at him, “What are you laughing at? You have nothing to laugh at. You’ve lost. You lost everything now.”

A tear from how much he was laughing fell out, Daishou barely catching his breath, “I’m done? I’ve lost everything? Oh, Silver Lining... oh, Truly Neon! And Yellow Mind! Don’t you remember what I said?”

His eyes darkened quickly. There was a shout from outside, and a yell shortly following. Daishou grinned, his teeth almost looking like fangs. His eyes started to glow that venomous green color, a wild look oozing out. 

”I can take away what’s most important to you.”

The glass from above shattered, causing everyone to flinch and gasp from the sudden crashing. Tsukishima looked around, but it was too dark to see what was coming at them.

There was a thud.

Ushijima fell down to his knees, his eye twitching as he squeezed his eyes shut. Sakusa ran to his side, immediately asking what was wrong. He suddenly fell silent, his whole frame shaking at what he saw.

”Duck... get down-!” Sakusa exclaimed to the rest of them.

Too late.

Akaashi fell after Ushijima, his hands grasping onto Bokuto’s the hem of Bokuto’s pants sleeve when he made contact with the ground. Kita yelped, grabbing one side of his neck as he staggered around, leaning against the nearest wall. He held onto everything he had, crumpling the papers with as much force he was tightening his eyes with. Atsumu scowled as he looked over at Kita’s struggles, but he was now the one who held down Daishou with all his might.

Tsukishima felt a very hard prick. Something was digging into his skin.

He looked up to the observation room once more. Tsukishima’s mind started to blur, his world leaning left and right as he tried to stand upright. Was that... a barrel?

A dart gun?

Tsukishima fell on the spot, his body gravitating towards the floor as he ended up on his side. His glasses slipped away from the bridge of his nose, sliding into the ground with a skidding sound. His hands flew to his head, his fingers digging themselves into the scalp of his skull. 

The hot blood was pumping against the temple of his head. Tsukishima felt some sort of stabbing pain increase in his head, his hands desperately clinging to his hair as if that would make it stop. Everything around him blurred and then cleared, all sorts of things flashing in front of him. The ones who were down were curled up, their hands tightening down on hands or clawing at their clothes. Tsukishima’s breathing started to get heavy, his mind playing out still images of every single past memory he could think of. 

No.

No...

What was it doing? What was going to happen?!

Tsukishima felt something being taken out of his neck. He glanced down, a blurry image of a dart with a small bile clattering into the floor. He was elevated off of the floor slightly, a cold pair of arms under him. Kuroo...

”Kei, you’re going to be fine,” Kuroo urged, his face all fuzzy to Tsukishima, “Resist... resist it!”

There was a loud yell from someone. It sounded like Ushijima... or could it be Kita? Tsukishima’s ears were hurting from how loud everything sounded to him. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying hard to stop all the flashing images from blinding him. Tsukishima grit his teeth as he felt the pain go up a notch, an unbearable ringing now filling his ears. His hands moved down to his ears, covering them with such force that he felt like he could tear them off. Kuroo held his head against his chest, still murmuring to him that he would be fine, that he had to be okay.

Everything was so fuzzy... the ringing suddenly died into a muted feeling. 

Everything went white.

Tsukishima stopped struggling. Everyone fell silent. At the exact same time...

The ones who were shot hung their heads down, their limp bodies hanging in the arms of those they loved. 

The snake planted one last bite before their heels utterly crushed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha get the summary? Since I’ve been adding songs, the program “shut down” because of malfunction and now it’s starting all over again. 
> 
> It be like that ( ✌︎'ω')✌︎


	30. Reloading...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> REBOOTING SYSTEM  
> Please hold  
> ...  
> Some files are missing.  
> Would you like to recover them?  
> ...  
> Are you sure? Once you press this option, it will be difficult to find the missing files again.  
> ...  
> SYSTEM REBOOT COMPLETE.

There was the wailing of sirens outside, police running in from all ends to collect Daishou and the doctors. It was likely that Ushijima and Sakusa would be called in for interrogation as well. Despite the chaos around them, Kuroo couldn’t hear a thing.

Tsukishima wasn’t moving. He was breathing... but he wasn’t moving.

It was the same with Akaashi. And with Kita, and with Ushijima. Three of them hung limply in the arms of who they loved, while Atsumu quickly ran to Kita’s side once Daishou was taken away from his hold. Atsumu scanned Kita all around, looking for the source.

His eyes widened when he spotted it, “This... this is-“

There was another sound of glass being crushed. Kuroo turned to look at Sakusa, who had shattered the glass vile that was inside the dart. Blood seeped out of his hand, bits of the glass wedged in his skin. Sakusa slowly nodded, “It’s the erasure serum. The permanent one... there’s still a chance that it can be a dud, but... he had this planned. Look at the engravings of the darts.”

Kuroo glanced down at the dart he had thrown to the floor. He felt his heart crash down when he saw the sketched word. “ _Tsukishima_ ”. That meant that...

”It’s personalized... it’s fucking personalized!” Atsumu yelled as he looked down at the dart, “How?!”

”It just takes a keyword or key skill in some occasions... there are many procedures that are done without the patient fully explaining what they want erased,” Sakusa continued to mutter, “It could be anything...”

Kuroo felt his fingers tighten slightly around Tsukishima’s arm. Not again... they couldn’t go through that again. Kuroo took a deep breath in, “You said you found the remedy to the suppression pills... wouldn’t that work for this?”

Sakusa shook his head, “They’re completely different substances in the pills. The serum doesn’t have one from what I saw,” he explained as he looked down at Ushijima, brushing away strands of his hair that fell over his eyes, “What did you forget...? What did he choose?” the man quietly asked himself. 

Bokuto stayed silent as he looked at Akaashi. He simply held him, a look of hope coming across his face as he tried to think positive.

Daishou quietly snickered to himself.

”You know... sometimes it’s the small things that build a relationship,” he said out loud as the policemen cuffed him, “Once that pillar is gone, the whole thing can crumble down. I can be certain of one thing though...”

He glanced over to Sakusa, “You had your chance to avoid this. I hope that you’ll have fun when he wakes up.”

Sakusa pressed his lips into a thin line, “Mika would be disappointed in you if she saw who you became,” he whispered.

Daishou’s eyelids flinched from the sudden comment. The policemen dragged him along as he resisted, a smile forming on his face. He looked back at Sakusa, “She isn’t here though. She’s just another memory... and who needs things like that anyways?”

They watched as Daishou and those arrested were taken away. Medics came in to help them, transferring them to a nearby hospital. Along the ride, no one spoke. A medic treated Sakusa’s wound from the glass, only the occasional hiss seething through his teeth being the source of noise. Kuroo looked down at Tsukishima, who he was holding onto as they were moved.

He didn’t even twitch.

-

The doctors had no idea what they could do. They only said to wait it out. Since the erasure serum was supposed to be a new product, none of them knew what could result from the serum. They would have to wait for further analysis and information from H.C.

They were all placed in a shared room. Oikawa and Iwaizumi were there too, but they both sat in chairs rather than in bed. Iwaizumi held the dart that was aimed for him, his hand shaking slightly as he looked at it.

”I got it off before the serum could be dropped completely,” he muttered to the others, “I don’t know what might happen... but it’s no where near what you guys are going through.”

Bokuto shook his head, “It’s okay. You might go through some minor memory loss, but that’s still important to take note of,” he sighed, glancing towards Akaashi’s spot, “When I was in there, they tested something called “CORE” on me. It was a process to find the core memory in order to erase everything around it. What if that serum has units of CORE in it?“

Sakusa clasped his hands together, squeezing them as he leaned against his own knees, “That could happen. You should send that dart to get sampled, Iwaizumi. I’m sure they can find something... worst comes to worst, we won’t be able to recover any memories like Kuroo did.”

Silence.

Then some rustling. 

They all looked up towards the beds, wondering who was going to wake up first. Each one of them went to their partner’s side, waiting for any sort of reaction. Kuroo took Tsukishima’s hand in both of his, closing his eyes as he waited for someone to wake up.

”Akaashi!”

Kuroo looked behind him, where Bokuto and Akaashi were. Akaashi was slowly sitting up in the bed, groaning as he held his head. Bokuto kept swiveling his head to get a good look at Akaashi, waiting for a sign of recognition.

”Bokuto... what... what happened?” Akaashi quietly asked.

”Keiji...?” Bokuto cautiously spoke, “Do you know anything about what happened yesterday or the days before that?”

Akaashi furrowed his eyebrows, “You were taken by your company... and we went to help you,” a sudden frown appearing on his face, “I was worried... I told you not to join the music industry because of this!”

Bokuto was taken back from the sudden burst, “Akaashi... Keiji, _you‘re_ in the music industry. We joined in the same band, remember?”

Akaashi quietly laughed to himself, “Me? Playing music? Koutarou, that’s nonsense. I can’t sing, and all I have under my belt is the keyboard. I’m not even good at it. What’s gotten into you?”

“No... Keiji, listen to me,” Bokuto started to panic, “You... you played keyboard in college. You _majored_ in it. We said we would play together... you don’t remember any of that?”

Akaashi had a blank face on.

”I don’t recall any of that.”

Bokuto hung his head in defeat. He dropped Akaashi’s hand suddenly, the shock getting to him. Akaashi... was disgusted by the idea of playing music? No. That wasn’t like him at all. He learned how to play keyboard since he was in middle school, and then quickly adapted to singing in his last years of high school. 

Did the serum made him forget and forged some sort of resentment towards music?

Kuroo looked over to Tsukishima, who was starting to wake up as well. He squeezed the hand he held, staring at him till the moment he opened his eyes. Tsukishima groggily opened his eyes, shifting them from left to right. He laid his gaze on Kuroo, a soft sigh coming out of his cracked lips.

”Hey...”

”Hey Kei,” Kuroo greeted him, “Do.. do you remember who I am?”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, “You act like you haven’t had me attached to your hip for a while. No shit, I do remember you, Tetsurou.”

Kuroo sighed in relief, but his eyes started to drift away to the top of Tsukishima’s head. Okay... it wasn’t him. Then could it be the same thing as Akaashi? A disgust for music? Kuroo looked back at Tsukishima, deeply sighing before he smiled gently at him.

”Tsukki... remind me what you do.”

”Okay...?” Tsukishima stretched the word out with a tone of confusion, “I’m an artist...”

Okay, so it wasn’t-

“I’m going to paint for a living.”

Never mind. It was. Kuroo pressed his lips into a thin line. He was about to say something, but Tsukishima cut him off before any words came out. 

”Is this about pursuing music again?” Tsukishima suddenly narrowed his eyes at him, “Kuroo... you know very well that I dropped that my second year of college. I’m not any better than the other producers out there, and you know how things were. Stolen songs, looked down upon... just think about how it would be if I actually joined a company. It would be worse. I’m okay with just standing in the side when it comes to music. Besides... you said you’d agree with my decision because it’s _my_ life and _my_ career _.“_

Insecurities and lack of motivation. Tsukishima was placed into a permanent “music block”: the unwillingness to create music because of how others can easily outshine artists. That never got in his way before... Tsukishima was the one who only wanted to release music for his own satisfaction and in hopes that some people would find a sort of comfort. He didn’t care about being looked down on by others. As long as he made music, he would be fine.

And you’d think that Akaashi and Tsukishima not losing their memories of them wouldn’t affect their relationship.

It’s not that simple.

When your relationship was practically built on that art form, and when your promises were formed under music... then what?

What about that planned future?

What about those times music held them together?

What about those quiet nights at the studio or the piano bench?

What about each and every single memory that revolves around their relationship and music?

What were they supposed to do?

* * *

Atsumu watched the still expressions of Kuroo and Bokuto. Music... it’s what connected them together in the first place. Of course it would come to a shock to find out that bridge was suddenly burnt to pieces. Not to mention, it would be hard to convince them to go back since that mindset was freshly formed in their memories. The alteration would prevent them from even looking towards that path again.

Unless there was a flaw... then it would ease the work Kuroo and Bokuto had to do if they wanted that strong pillar back.

Atsumu waited for Kita. Daishou must have had a collection of recorded memories from that time Kita was brought in. That meant he could go into deeper detail... which meant that it wouldn’t be easy at all for Atsumu to do something against it. 

Kita stirred. Atsumu sat up the same time Kita did, looking at Kita attentively as he rubbed his own head. He looked around the room, his eyes furrowed as he did.. Kita was about to say something until he looked at Atsumu.

There was a broken smile.

”What are you doing here?” Kita quietly asked, his eyes shaking as he looked at Atsumu. 

”Kita... are you okay?” Atsumu started to ask as he reached out for him.

Kita immediately back away from his touch, a slight flinch from his fingers signaling that he wasn’t comfortable.

”Miya... what are you doing here?” he asked with more force, but his voice was still as calm as ever, “You didn’t have to come along with us when we did this. So I’ll ask you again... what are you doing here?”

Atsumu’s arms hung in the air. He tilted his head to the side. Miya? That’s... that’s never been said to him by Kita. Atsumu cleared his throat, “I’m here to check in on you. ‘Shisu... it’s me-“

”Don’t call me that,” he muttered quietly, “You have no right to call me that anymore. It’s over Miya. It’s been over... why can’t you get past that?”

”Over?” Atsumu barely whispered, “What.. what do you mean?”

Kita looked away from him, “You know... I thought you changed from when you were in college. You were always so high and mighty. When you told me about your personal life, I thought you were being honest,” he continued, a laugh coming out the end, “I was wrong. I gave you a chance, but you never changed. Still arrogant and still an asshole.”

Kita looked back at him, “You broke up with me... so you have to let go.”

”What?” Atsumu repeated like a broken record, “Kita... wait, no-“

”Let it go,” he said a little more softly, “You don’t have to make this so hard. Please...let me go. Please.”

Kita got up from his bed, and since he was connected to any sort of IV, he immediately left the room. Atsumu scrambled up from his place, catching the door before it slid back into place, “Kita...! Shinsuke! Wait-!”

What... what could have he done? What happened in the past... what hap-

Oh.

Something prickled the edge of his eyes.

No... he didn’t. He didn’t alter _that_ memory. He.. he made Atsumu look like a villain through Kita’s eyes. Even though it was _his_ order, he used it against them in the end. It all came back to them... as if he knew this would happen at some point.

Oh... he fucked up.

”Oh fuck... fuck!” he yelled as he hit the side of the door frame. Everything started to blur, tears dripping down his eyes and straight onto the floor as he looked down. 

Kita believed that they broke up. It obviously wasn’t a good thing... it would be very difficult to gain his access to his true memories since his memories were altered with such detail.

But someone had it worse than those two.

* * *

Everyone else in the room was quiet as Atsumu left, most likely heading for the washroom or going on a search for Kita. A breakup... and it seemed like Daishou formulated it to seem like they ended on bad terms.

Ushijima was the last to wake up... and judging by the order of who woke up, it would only get worse.

Sakusa sighed softly to himself as he looked at Ushijima, “You’re okay... that’s good. After the scuffle you had with the Daishou and then this, you’re still fine,” he said as he leaned toward him, not thinking about the memory loss. He only wanted to embrace him, which would usually be a thing that Ushijima would accept gratefully since Sakusa’s rarely made the first move.

Instead, Ushijima’s hand held him back from leaning any further to him. Sakusa looked down at the hand, his small smile slowly fading as he saw the hand pushing him away. He looked back up at Ushijima, hoping that he would at least have the warm look in his eyes.

It was cold as ever.

”Sakusa... a pleasure having you here, but I would appreciate it if you would not touch me in this recovery environment,” Ushijima politely greeted, taking his hand away from Sakusa’s chest, “I take it that everything went fine with Daishou... except for this of course and whatever happened during the event,” he awkwardly gestured to the hospital room around them. 

Sakusa.

 _Sakusa_.

Why did his old last name hurt him so much when Ushijima said it?

“Wakatoshi... if you remember what happened earlier, then you must remember why I would be here,” Sakusa tried to reason, “Why do you think I would come visit you?”

Ushijima answered with no sugar-coating, “Because you are my work partner. Wouldn’t it be natural for colleagues to worry about each other? That should be normalized.”

”That’s it? Just... work partners? Just colleagues?”

Ushijima looked at him with those cold eyes, “Yes. Did you expect me to say something else? Or something more than that?”

”No... no.” 

Sakusa withdrew his hands away from the bed. He stood up, excusing himself from the room. Sakusa walked further and further down the hall, eventually meeting the very end.

He turned his back against the dead end, pressing his it against the wall. The window allowed some light to come in, the soft glow sitting beside him as he slid down into the corner. Sakusa brought his knees to his chest, ignoring the aching of his hand as he wedged his head between his knees.

He leaned against the opposing wall, his head softly tapping it. Sakusa didn’t look up... he would only be disappointed to see that the wall wasn’t Ushijima. 

He didn’t remember their relationship at all. Not the dating, not the marriage... nothing. Not only that, but Ushijima reverted back to his old self: blunt. He had never been good with communication, but the way he spoke was exactly how he talked back then. It was the exact same tone, exact some words... 

That wasn’t Ushijima.

Daishou’s words bounced around in his head.

” _You has your chance to avoid this... all you have to do is drop him... I can easily alter your memories of your marriage...“_

He felt his lip quiver. Sakusa quickly bit down on it, hard enough to draw blood. Sakusa kept leaning against the wall, his hand reaching over to his left ring finger to rub the ring he wore.

Why did this have to happen?

That’s what they were thinking. They all separated themselves from their partners, going to a place where they could collect their jumbled thoughts and shocked bodies. The washroom, the corner of a hallway, near a vending machine, and the garden outside. They sat where they pleased, running their hands through their hair or biting their nails and dry lips. 

Some of them cried quietly to themselves, not objecting to the warm tears that streaked their tired faces. They couldn’t live without their other half... yet a bitter man decided to turn everything against them. Out of grudges, what seemed to be perfect suddenly converted into an ugly image. How were they going to get them back? Couldn’t they just crack open past memories?

It wasn’t that simple.

When you hurt someone enough... that memory is embedded into them. It will always bother them, it will always feel like they are reliving it the moment they lay eyes on you. And to make a person someone better... it took a long time. It took a lot of trust and patience. How would that turn out, when everything was suddenly taken away? 

The panic and shock would prevent any progression.

Others fiddled with their hands, continuously looking back to the direction of the room. They tried to look past the erasure... perhaps they could look past the minor losses and be grateful that they didn’t lose them to the clutches of the serum.

It wasn’t that simple.

A pillar held up everything together. If a single pillar were to be knocked over, the whole structure would crumble into pieces. Where would the harmony be? Where would that sensation and thrill be? How would they be able to replace everything they’ve been through... when the foundation and pillars were built on music?

It could be a new pillar... but it may be weaker than the original. Or worse... there won’t even be a new pillar to be made.

Everything would come crashing down.

The four looked up to the night sky, whether it be through a window or actually looking at it outside. A full moon shined down on them, the moonlight hitting their faces as they stared up at the white circle in the sky. A single star streaked across the sky, leaving a trail behind. 

As childish as it was, they all wished upon it.

What can we do? What are we supposed to do? Please tell us...

What are we to do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Memory altering: to change or add new features to a memory or a series of events 
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	31. Strange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strange - Track 6 (b-side)  
> From: Y̸̝̓ĕ̷̞l̶̟̅l̸̻̽ő̸̰ẅ̸͎ ̵͈̊M̵̱͐ỉ̶̢n̴̢͋d̴̻͠, 3rd Mini Album, Wires
> 
> Hollow, heartless empty chest  
> Could you please put me to rest?  
> This loneliness is unfamiliar  
> What is this? What’s in the mirror?  
> That’s not me, that’s someone strange  
> I’ve never seen anyone change  
> So quickly, so suddenly  
> That’s strange, who is that somebody?

_**REPORTING NEWS:** _

_Last week, on September 23rd, 2020, at around 11:25 p.m, members of the boy bands Silver Lining and Truly Neon, as well as upcoming artist, YELLOW MIND, were found at H.C, one of the main testing buildings for “The Brain”. It had been reported on site that five of the ten people there had been injured, one which includes director Ushijima Wakatoshi, and a minor injury for bassist Iwaizumi Hajime. Both the groups and several employees had been assaulted, exploited, and mistreated by their own CEO, Daishou Suguru. On that particular day, the music artists had gone to save Truly Neon’s drummer, Bokuto Koutarou, who had been abducted and set for forced erasure on his now confirmed dating rumors. The parties had revealed these disturbing actions via several video streaming sites, all which had gone viral for the past two weeks._

_Daishou Suguru had been taken into custody, along with his parents Mr. and Mrs. Daishou. The family had a hidden record of “keeping their employees in line”. Several employees, ranging from the office workers to even the artists themselves, have been taken into “The Brain” under sedation to get a forced erasure due to them seeing or doing something that displeased the CEO. Mrs. Daishou had been providing Suguru with several resources with her position on the board for “The Brain”, including private doctors, to complete such actions. It is also being investigated if Mr. Daishou, who is a major stock investor, had obtained slush funds or shark loans. Court trials are yet to be set._

_Bands members of both Truly Neon and Silver Lining has gone through these traumatic events. Kita Shinsuke, Silver Lining’s leader, had been threatened for dating Miya Atsumu, who has high connections towards the film industry. It would later be revealed to reporters that Daishou Suguru was forcibly trying to separate the sensational couple in order to obtain the Miya twins connections. Bokuto Koutarou, Truly Neon’s drummer, narrowly escape the clutches of erasure, which was set for that same day. Truly Neon’s leader, Kuroo Tetsurou, has also admitted to being a victim of forced erasure, but he wished for none of it to be revealed to the public for now. YELLOW MIND, Tsukishima Kei, had also had his share of bad encounters with the company prior to the music industry, but he wished for his comments to not be revealed as well. The solo artist had grown close to Truly Neon due to his collaboration earlier this month._

_Directors Ushijima Wakatoshi, and as he’s known in the industry, Sakusa Kiyoomi, had fallen to the hands of Daishou Suguru as well. It was reported that the two head directors had been heavily drugged during their work period with Daishou Suguru. A version of the well-known memory suppression pill called, “ALPHA”, was illegally produced without the approval of the PDMA or any high authorities. “ALPHA” is a product that causes a selected and specific event or action of a person to be suppressed or erased by the end of the month. If the pill wasn’t taken, deadly side effects would appear, which both directors had suffered through. “ALPHA” along with the discovery of “Erasure Serum” have been revoked from “The Brain”._

_The head chairman of “The Brain”, Kiyoshi Oozimu, deeply apologizes for the failure to recognize such disturbing and traumatic events going on behind his back. Compensation is to be given to those who were affected by the actions of Viper Entertainment. The board of “The Brain” is now working on putting more restrictions and a through process towards the access of “The Brain” and its products. The resurgence of a contract is on the table, and the application for erasure is now going to be more detailed and may have limits on what exactly could be erased. Details are in the air._

_This has been the 10 A.M News. Tune in at 3 P.M for further details-_

Kuroo turned off the TV before Tsukishima walked in. He had been staying with him for the last few days, just to see if there had been any sort of changes or signs of resurfacing memories.

Nothing.

The alteration picked up on some things. Tsukishima’s keyboard and guitar? Apparently, those were now Kuroo’s and he had left them here because of how often he stayed over. His friends at the company? Tsukishima met them via Yamaguchi since he had know the man for a long time... so he didn’t meet them on his own. His career? His double major came in handy. Tsukishima had already figured out how to set up his own business, and was now looking to setting up an online shop. He was also interested in displaying his things at a gallery. 

They covered various things. Was there going to be room to get anything back?

Then again...

”What are you thinking so hard about?” Tsukishima questioned as he tapped Kuroo’s head with his knuckles, “Any more of that gear turning and your brain will explode.”

Kuroo chuckled, leaning back into the couch to look at Tsukishima, “This brain is smarter than you think. I could have been a great chemist,” Kuroo retorted, pointing a finger to the temple of his head. Tsukishima rolled his eyes at him, ruffling Kuroo’s hair before he went into the kitchen.

”You’re already dressed up,” Tsukishima continued to talk as he brewed coffee, “Did they ask for another interrogation? Or is it another press conference?”

Kuroo shook his head, “I’m just going to run some quick errands. I’ll stop by the company to get some of my things, and then I’ll pick up some stuff for the fridge,” he sighed as he stood up.

”I thought the company was closed?”

”Sakusa and Ushijima are clearing up things,” Kuroo explained as he grabbed a lightweight jacket, “The two might take over, but considering how the stock price for _Viper Entertainment_ dropped... it’s likely that they’ll go broke.”

Tsukishima turned off the coffee maker once it was done, “Well... you could always join another company. What about _Fly High_?” he suggested, “Sugawara and Sawamura can help set you guys up.”

_That’s your entertainment company._

Kuroo shrugged, “I’ll wait and see. Besides... I still have attachment to the people who work there. Daishou’s gone, so there’s no reason for me to hate it as much as I did before.”

He walked over to Tsukishima after he zipped up his jacket, “Now, gimme my daily dose of caffeine and I’ll be on my way.”

”Do you want a disposable cup or-“

Kuroo was behind him, wrapping his arms loosely around Tsukishima’s waist. He leaned into him, giving him a soft peck on the cheek. A tiny breath of a laugh came out of Tsukishima. Kuroo smiled to himself, “Caffeine received. My energy is already soaring through the roof!”

“That’s not how caffeine works, but whatever floats your boat, Kuroo.”

Kuroo chuckled as he gave Tsukishima one more kiss before he pulled away from him. They said their goodbyes, Kuroo telling him that he would be back by lunch hour. Tsukishima told him that he might go out to check some galleries that were around the area. His smile stayed on until he left the apartment building.

It faded the moment he stepped outside.

Why did he just feel... different? It’s not like his personality changed completely. People change, that’s how things worked and that’s okay. Yet, Tsukishima without music... it just didn’t sit right with him. He had been so into music, and even after a slip-up, Tsukishima would find a way to get back up and start again. Second year in college... he did say that some students were plagiarizing his work, but the teacher had handled them. The alteration must have made that memory into a negative one to cause Tsukishima’s lack of confidence in his music.

Then again...

Kuroo hopped into his car that he left in the apartment parking, turning on the ignition and going to _Fly High Entertainment._ In reality, Kuroo had asked for an appointment with the main producer and head of the company to sort things out. They were probably confused on the whole situation. Yamaguchi was the only one who had an idea of what was going on... Kuroo had to explain to the company about the past events. 

A car ride later, Kuroo parked in front of the entertainment company. It was surprisingly clear considering how reporters would probably be swarming his entertainment company. He walked into the building, greeting the people at the front desk.

”Kuroo Tetsurou, am I right?” the receptionist asked, “Mr. Ukai was suddenly asked to attend a meeting, but he’ll be back in thirty minutes or so. Would you like to set another appointment or are you okay to wait until he comes back?”

”I’ll wait for him to come back,” Kuroo answered.

”Alright. There’s a waiting room on the studio floor. Once he comes back, one of us will call you up.”

Kuroo thanked the receptionists and went upstairs. Ukai’s main office was right above a third studio and meeting room floor. The building had various studio floors, both for their producers and artists. Kuroo awkwardly sat in the waiting room in front of the meeting room, tapping his fingers against the arm of couch. Even for a studio floor, it was rather quiet. Must be sound proof. 

Tsukishima was lucky to have such a great environment to work in. 

”Ah! Kuroo!”

He looked at the direction of the voice. Kuroo waved at Yamaguchi, who had a couple of other people behind him. The freckled man walked to the waiting room, a smile on his face while the others behind him were looking at Kuroo with curiosity.

”It’s been a long tine,” Yamaguchi took a seat across from him, “I hope you’re doing well... it’s been a whirlwind of emotions for the past few months, hasn’t it?”

Kuroo nodded, “Up and down, it always fluctuates before it gets better. Anyway... are you going to introduce me to the people who keep drilling holes into my forehead?”

Yamaguchi turned to look at the others, “Right! This is Sugawara, you’ve probably heard about him from Tsukki,” he pointed to a grey haired man, “And this is Hinata from Orange Blueberry. Over there is Azumane, but he’s going to attend a meeting in a few minutes. Sawamura should be around too...”

The short singer tilted his head at Kuroo, “Tsukishima is dating you? I had no idea that you’d be his type...”

”How did you-“

”Kenma said that all of his members were dating in secret... and you and Tsukishima seemed close when you came to work in the collaboration so...”

”Wait a minute. You’re friends with Kenma?”

“Yeah! We hang out at the video game lounge a lot. He always reserves them for us and makes sure that it’s at a time when there’s no cameras in sight. He’s very considerate! I beat him last time,” Hinata said with a bright smile.

Kuroo didn’t have the heart to tell Hinata that Kenma was probably losing on purpose. He smiled back at Hinata, “It’s good to know that Kenma enjoys your company and vice-versa. I guess it must have slipped out about us... do I really seem like someone Tsukki wouldn’t date?”

Hinata rubbed his chin, “I mean... you’re famous. Tsukishima despises the fame line of life. He said that they were “arrogant” and “annoying”. He could have been just talking about me or maybe Kageyama, but he always seemed to have a bad view of Truly Neon... specifically you.”

Yamaguchi looked at Hinata with sharp eyes, “Hinata... I think that’s enough-“

”I had forced erasure of him.”

They looked at him in surprise. Hinata was about to apologize for pressing on, but Kuroo shook his head, “It was bound to be said sooner or later. I dated Tsukki during college, but when we were auditioning for companies, Daishou was insistent on me joining _Viper Entertainment_. I didn’t want to join because of the dating ban, and you could probably tell what went on from there. We were separated for a long time, but now we’re back together after I got my memories back. Tsukki never like the idea of being famous, but I probably added more fuel to that.”

Sugawara leaned against the couch, “So you two have been through a lot. They said that five people were injured... did that include...?”

Kuroo nodded, “Daishou most likely wanted to jeopardize Tsukki’s career, but he also knew that our relationship was made on music. He made him have a much stronger insecurity of his music... it was there before, but not like this,” he explained, “At some point in college, Tsukki decided to ignore those who were better and was set on creating music that he knew he was satisfied with. Now... he doesn’t even want to get back into the field. He _thinks_ he wasn’t in the industry.”

”But... people are going to recognize him,” Sugawara pointed out, “Wouldn’t he get some sort of memory resurrection from that? His music is everywhere and he’s starting to get noticed.”

”I don’t know. He might get confused since his altered memories are making him believe that he quit making music,” Kuroo sighed, “I want to do something...”

Yamaguchi noticed his hesitation, “But..?”

Kuroo ran a hand through his hair, “What if this is for the better? If you think about it... Tsukki wouldn’t be happy for very long once the word got out about us. He has the risk of just being “Kuroo’s boyfriend” rather than YM. His fame will also start to go higher, and I know how much he hates cameras,” he gestured with his hands, “I’m willing to give up my career for him, of course I am. But... he seems fine doing art. He looks happy whenever he works on it. Wouldn’t it provide the same joy as music?”

If he was being honest, he thought that because there was no signs of recovery. He was trying to find the light in all of it. Tsukishima really could be just as happy with art...

Yamaguchi shook his head, “Kuroo... you and I know Tsukki very well. Are you sure that’s his authentic self?”

No.

He knew it wasn’t.

There was something strange about him. It _was_ the Tsukishima he had known for a very long time. The only difference was that glint. That small glint in his eye that appears when he’s into his work.

It was strange.

It was hollow when he did his art.

Tsukishima did love art, but for some reason when it came to making it into a business... that glint was hollow. It had light, but it almost seemed like anyone could look right past it and into the black abyss of his pupil. He was happy to do it, yet it also looked like it wasn’t what he expected to be doing. After all, according to Tsukishima, he dropped out his second year. Meaning that there was still something he had towards music.

”Why is this so confusing,” he muttered out loud, “I know who he is. I just can’t figure out what can happen...”

Yamaguchi comforted him from across the coffee table that separated them, “There there. Tsukki can’t live without music. It’s been his comfort for a long time. Music isn’t something you can easily take away from him. I’m sure we’ll figure out something. About him not being happy if you choose to reveal your relationship though... I think he wouldn’t mind.”

”Why do you say that?”

“It’s you,” Yamaguchi grinned, “I’m sure he’ll be happy as long as you’re by his side. You two have that strong mindset of wanting to produce music for all, so as long as that’s in it, he really wouldn’t care for those things. I’d like to see Tsukki again... so I hope we’ll find a way to bring him back into the industry and company.”

Sugawara gave a thumbs up, “Take care of him. And if you hurt him-“

Hinata nudged Sugawara, “He probably can tell from your face. As much as I don’t like Stingyshima, he’s still pretty cool when he’s in the studio,” Hinata grumbled, trying not to admit admiration, “So... yeah. We’re counting on you!”

“You guys,” Kuroo smiled, “I’ll try my best.”

They talked for a while, chatting about relationships or about music in general. Tsukishima had some pretty good friends... they really cared a lot about him. 

”Kuroo Tetsurou? Mr.Ukai is ready for you.”

He stood up, waving goodbye to them after he had received their phone numbers. One of the receptionists led him up to the office, opening the door for him once they arrived there. Kuroo thanked her once more, playing with the sleeves of his jacket as he walked over to the desk. He sat in the chair across from Ukai, clasping his hands in his lap as he waited.

“So... you wanted to talk to me,” Ukai gestured to Kuroo.

Well, here goes nothing.

He explained throughly what happened: the situation between him and his company, why Tsukishima was there, what his relationship was towards Tsukishima, and what happened to him. Ukai simply listened to Kuroo as he spoke, only an occasional nod or a tap on the chin coming from him. Kuroo deeply sighed as he got to the end of his thought out explanation.

”Tsukishima doesn’t remember being in the industry, so it’s going to be difficult for the time being,” Kuroo spoke, “For now, I ask that you have patience with him. Don’t blame him, it wasn’t his fault. He’s been through a lot and part of it is my fault. I don’t want him to be confused if this company tries to get him back by force. Give him time... and if the situation doesn’t get fixed, I’ll compensate for the lost revenue from YM. Half of my shares, all of it... I’ll make sure that you won’t get a loss. Please forgive me for any troubles.”

He bowed down at a complete angle, which expressed his sincere apology. When he came back up, Ukai was smiling at him. 

”You seem like a good kid,” he complimented, “You and Tsukishima seemed to have a deep past, and I can respect that. Thank you for reaching out to me,” he reached down to his cabinet, “Now that I know about the situation, I’ll make sure that Tsukishima won’t be affected by any losses or events in the company.”

He sighed in relief, “Thank you. I’m sure he would appreciate it.”

Ukai pulled out a folder, “I was actually going to ask for a representative from Truly Neon to come here. I’m sure you’re worried about the fate of your entertainment company,” he looked over to Kuroo for a nod, which he did nod to. Ukai opened the folder up, “I was pulled out for a sudden meeting between other companies. The Ushijima’s were there, and you’ll get more information on this later. The subject on the table?”

Kuroo glanced over at the papers. His eyes widened slightly.

”Viper Entertainment. Which company would like to take it under its wing?” he pointed to a price, “Your directors have decided to partner with a company to help them after the mass losses... and we’d like to give a hand. A subsidiary label. That’s what we’re shooting for. I was going to talk it out with the leaders from each group in your company. Many calls will come in to try to convince you.”

”Wow... I’m honored that you’d be willing to take us in after everything that has happened,” Kuroo looked through the files, “But... what about everyone else there?”

”By a subsidiary label, that means that your company will still have the freedom of running itself on many levels. _Fly High_ will just provide services and funds. The people you’ve grown close to will still be there,” Ukai reassured, “I know many of the workers there are close with ours. Not to mention, you artists are all talented. A little diversity in here will be good for the company.”

Kuroo pushed the folder back to Ukai, “I’m sure we’ll go through more information once our situations are clear.”

Ukai nodded, “Consider each one of the companies that are offering. We won’t get offended if you don’t pick us. As long as the groups and artists can thrive at their potential, anyone would be satisfied. I hope you have a good day, and give my greetings to Tsukishima.”

He walked out of the office. A subsidiary label... it was a smart choice considering how their stock had suddenly plummeted. Companies were probably going to take advantage to get the names of Truly Neon and Silver Lining, but it seemed like _Fly High_ had good intentions. Okay... that was one good thing out of this mess. Then, on a technicality, he would be in the same company as Tsukishima.

If he came back that is.

Kuroo left the floor after thanking Ukai for his understandings. He said one last goodbye to the people he met, and was about to go do the rest of his errands, when his phone suddenly started to ring.

”Hello? Is this Kuroo Tetsurou?”

”Yes, that’s me. How can I help you?”

”Ah, my name is Shirabu Kenjirou, I am one of the head doctors and lead surgeon of the erasure operations at “The Brain”. If you could, I’d like for you to come in person to my office right now. I have some information that I’m sure you would be glad to hear.”

“Oh... sure. I’ll be there in a few minutes. It’s the main location, right?”

”Correct. I’ll look forward to your arrival.”

The man hung up once Kuroo confirmed his presence. Kuroo quickly shoved the phone back into his pocket, practically running to his car. News... news that he would be happy to hear. 

A glimmer of hope came back.

He arrived at “The Brain”, which was closed for services, but the doctor was already waiting for him out front. A man with bangs in a lab coat waved him over. Kuroo locked his car once he got out, following the doctor inside as soon as he stepped out.

Shirabu led him to his office, opening the door for him and then closing it behind him once he entered. Kuroo looked ahead of him, seeing another familiar face.

”Bo?”

Bokuto angled his head to the side to look at him from his seat, “Kuroo! How’s Tsukki doing?”

”He’s doing alright. What about Akaashi?”

”He’s fine,” Bokuto sighed, “There’s just something off about him. It’s not noticeable right off the bat. It’s very subtle and people can take it as a minor change... but it just seems so-“

”Strange,” they said at the same time.

“And that is what I would like to discuss with the two of you,” Shirabu expressed as he walked around them, sitting behind his desk, “Please take a seat, Kuroo.” 

He took his place next to Bokuto. The two looked at Shirabu attentively, waiting for the hopeful news that he would have for them. Shirabu pulled out a testing result, pointing to a couple of different charts and paragraphs.

”This is what we’ve gathered from the “Erasure Serum” left over in the tranquilizer darts,” Shirabu was quick to explain, “Each if these charts have the different substances and mechanisms that were used to alter and erase those selected memories. Here’s the thing though...”

Shibaru flipped over to another page, “This was the sample Iwaizumi gave us. As you can see, there are various gaps within the variations and mechanisms of the serum,” he pointed to a chart, “That’s because “The Brain” doesn’t have accurate recordings of Iwaizumi’s memories. The serum won’t be able to completely cover every single memory, but it had covered the ones that are considered “general”.”

”Sakusa mentioned that memories could be erased by a keyword, object, or event though,” Bokuto narrowed his eyes at the information, “And what was CORE about then?”

”CORE was a product meant only for reliving memories for those who needed it,” Shibaru stressed, “Daishou pitched the idea of it being used to find CORE memories, but that idea was too dangerous considering that core memories are very fragile to deal with. As for the keyword method, it works, but it’s more effective the smaller the erasure. Don’t worry... I’m telling the truth,” Shibaru nodded.

”So, what does this mean?” Kuroo asked.

”Tsukishima and Akaashi have the chance of recovering their memories,” Shirabu spread out the papers, “Kuroo, I’ve heated of what you’ve been through. A trigger brought back your memories, am I correct?”

”Yes. It was either a object or a place.”

”In this case, it is triggers that can also bring back the memories,” Shirabu pointed to his head, “However... since the serum was still affective to a certain extent, these triggers are oddly specific. And I mean _very_ specific. It has to be at a certain time, certain place, certain clothes... all of that can have an impact on how effective the trigger is. Even words can affect it. It just has to be exact and to the point. Do you understand?”

Oh this was going to be harder than his recovery.

Bokuto furrowed his brows, “What about Atsumu and Sakusa? Why aren’t they here.”

Shirabu looked down, “Their situation is much more difficult. Daishou had information of both Kita and Ushijima’s memory chambers. That means that their alteration was very meticulous and very detailed. The more detailed an alteration is with the serum, the harder it will be to bring it back. They have a chance, but it’s very slim. What they can do is try to revert the very specific memory that triggered the alteration of those around them. It won’t be easy... especially for Ushijima and Kiyoomi. It’s over an entire archive of a relationship... years of a bond. It’ll be nearly impossible to find the trigger.”

Shirabu seemed to worry greatly for those two.

“I’m sure we’ll figure this out,” Bokuto pumped his fist up, “Right Kuroo?”

Kuroo grinned at him, “Exactly. We’ll try until the very end. Even if it means that we’ll have to go through every single thing we remember, we’ll figure it out eventually.”

Shirabu looked up at them, “You seem rather positive for such a devastating situation.”

”We’ve been through a lot,” they reminded him together.”

They discussed a few more things with Shirabu before they left the offices of “The Brain”. Bokuto had taken the bus, so Kuroo offered to drive him back home. On the way back, Kuroo told Bokuto about Ukai’s preposition on a subsidiary label. The two chatted away at the idea before it was time for Bokuto to leave. He hesitated at the door, turning back to look at Kuroo before he got off.

”Hey. If none of this doesn’t work-“

Kuroo stuck his hand out, “Don’t say that. I’m sure Akaashi will remember sooner or later.... you’ll be able to play music with him again soon.”

Bokuto fiddled with the door handle, “I hope so. Still... what if it doesn’t work?”

Kuroo thought on it for a moment, “Then teach him how to love music again,” he gave a small smile, “It’s a memory, but new memories could always be made. It may not be the same... but maybe relearning that passion he had for music would resurface if you introduce it into his life again.”

Bokuto slowly nodded at the idea, “Okay... I hope things will go well from here in out. Fingers crossed!” he showed his crossed fingers, “I’ll see you later. Say hi to Tsukki for me!”

Kuroo waved at Bokuto from the window, watching as he ran into the apartment complex. Once Bokuto was out of sight, the smile on Kuroo’s face fell off.

A very specific memory.

A time, a place, how you look, what you were doing... there were too many circumstances that could trigger the resurfacing of a memory. Kuroo was already making mental notes about the things he could remember... over the course of the years he had known Tsukishima, he had to be able to remember something that had impacted him so deeply that it would be embedded into his mind.

He tapped his head against the steering wheel. Memories... there were over thousands of memories stored and forgotten in the brain’s archives. It would be very difficult to find the one he needed in order to bring back everything in a single haul.

Kuroo lifted his head back up, looking ahead of him with a certain gleam in his eyes. No. It wasn’t a time to be so pessimistic. He couldn’t bear to see that hollow and strange glint in Tsukishima’s eyes for the rest of the known days. He had to search for that trigger memory, even if it took weeks or months. Besides...

He always said that he was up for a challenge. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have a order of fixing up things, so the next four chapters after this one will be long. 
> 
> The order in which I’ll go isn’t particular to how emotional or easy the recovery road is for each couple, but Ushisaku is the one that will make you ache the most in my opinion.
> 
> But you guys will be the judge for that :)


	32. even lovers fight and go through heartaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> even lovers fight and go through heartaches- Digital Single  
> From: MKAY (Atsumu x Kita), 2nd Digital Single, Silver Lining’s 2nd Anniversary
> 
> even lovers fight and go through heartaches  
> sometimes it will result in heartbreaks  
> but we’ll return to each other, in that warmth  
> in that place to which we’ve sworn  
> that’s our home, that’s my place  
> back to your beautiful and familiar face  
> you are me and I am you  
> that’s all I need, that’s all I need

October 5th, 2020.

Atsumu was awake at 3:12 in the morning. The only thing that provided a source of light was the small LED fox touch-sensitive lamp Kita bought him for his birthday last year. He looked at the lamp blankly as he tapped the top of the head, his face glowing pink, blue, green, yellow and any color you could think of as the lamp changed.

October 5th, 2020.

His birthday.

Atsumu dropped his hands away from the lamp, leaving the setting at the ocean blue light. He fell back into his bed, sighing as he threw his arm to spread across the bed. If Kita was here, he’d probably be nagging at Atsumu to go back to sleep. Atsumu would refuse, which then would lead to Kita throwing himself onto Atsumu while he was sitting up. He would bring him back down to lay in bed and would wait until Atsumu settled in his arms. Kita would run his fingers through his hair, soothing enough for him to fall asleep. Maybe he would have murmured something comforting or place a gentle kiss on the forehead before he would fall asleep with him....

But he wasn’t here.

Atsumu had switched places with Suna. He was now staying at his brother’s apartment while Suna was at Kita’s house. Atsumu had left per Kita’s request. He probably wanted him to leave to make things less awkward, but they still saw each other often. After all, they were still in the same boy group. For the past two weeks, they distracted themselves in their work. Silver Lining was planning a new single, which required a new dance. They were provided with a dance studio outside of the company, and everyday they would go and practice.

With the thickest tension in the air.

Kita would be instructing them on how to do the choreography, but when it came to Atsumu messing up, there was just... the slightest bit of bitterness on his tongue when he spoke. The air in the room would suddenly shift towards a heavy one when they had to speak to each other.

It sucked. There was nothing else to describe this simulation of a breakup.

3:15 A.M.

Two minutes have passed and it was already the worst birthday ever.

“Okay Google. Can you play a random playlist on Spotify?” he called to his Google home device on his desk, hoping that it would shuffle to somethings that would put him in high spirits.

” _Okay. Opening Spotify and shuffle playing ‘blue hour’.”_

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he grumbled, flipping over one of the pillows on his bed. ‘blue hour’ was a playlist that had a mix of calming and sad songs. It was the only “sad” playlist he had on his account. Out of all the ones it could have chosen, Google really did that do him.

”Now playing, “ _End of a Day_ ” by Jonghyun.” 

One of the few Korean artists he had in his playlist. Kita loved the band SHINee, and had recommended the song to him. Eventually Atsumu got into the band’s music because of that specific member, but he sadly passed away three years ago. They were devastated by the news, but they would never forget about the singer for all the years to come.

“Okay Google, turn up the volume by ten percent,” he asked the speaker once more. 

The first half of the sing had already passed by. Atsumu threw his arms he is his head, his fingers weaving themselves into his hair. He stared up at the ceiling as the song went on.

” _You did a good job today, you worked so hard... I hope my shoulders and thick hands will become cozy comfort for the end of your tiring day as well. I want to naturally sync my breathing with yours...”_

It was almost like he could _feel_ him by his side. Just... the slow and stead rising of his chest after a long day of dancing. There was one time his ankle was swollen badly. It was during a huge performance as well. He fell during the point mark of the dance, and he wouldn’t stop beating himself over it. All Atsumu could do was comfort him. “ _You did well... you did what you could take on. That’s enough for anyone.”_

He moved his arms away from the back of his head, stretching them out in front of him. It wasn’t until then that he realized that his surroundings were fuzzy. He grumbled out of frustration, letting his hands fall to his side.

Why did he feel like this could have been a real path somewhere in their relationship? 

“Tsumu!” Osamu’s voice started to get louder the closer he got to the room. His brother swung the door open, his face now illuminated with the blue of his lamp. Atsumu sat up to look at his crossed expression, returning the same annoyed look at him.

”Do you have any idea what time it is?!” Osamu pointed towards the small clock on his wall.

”Why yes! It’s 3:20, wow. I can tell time unlike you.”

”In the morning. 3:20 in the morning!” he kept gesturing from the clock to Atsumu’s speaker, “Okay Google, turn off the music.”

”Google don’t you dare listen to this dumbass!”

”Google doesn’t belong to you. I bet Google would pity someone like you listening to sad music at three a.m.”

”Don’t act like you haven’t done this before. You listen to Billie Eilish much earlier in the morning than I ever did.”

”We don’t talk about that.”

”I think we should talk about that!”

Osamu ended up throwing his hands up in the air after more bickering, “Alright, alright! At least turn the volume down... and don’t stay up for the rest of the morning. We have to go to practice before we go out to celebrate our birthday.”

”Like I’ll go,” Atsumu muttered under his breath, laying back down on his side. He knew that Osamu was still at the door. There was some shuffling, the speaker turned back on with a lower volume, and the side of his bed sunk down further.

”Is this because of Kita?”

”... I don’t want to ruin your plans with Suna by crashing in on you two. Practice is weird because of us, and I doubt that Kita would want to get dinner with his ‘ex’,” he made air quotes, still mumbling everything he said, “Just leave me here. I’ll bake myself a cake or something.”

Osamu patted his leg, “There there, it’s not your fault. I’m sure Kita will return sooner or later. Didn’t you said that there was a way to get his memories back?”

”It’s almost impossible.”

Supposedly, he had to recreate the core memory to activate the true version of it to trigger the recovery of those surrounding it. He had a rough idea of what it could be but...

He couldn’t bring himself to do it.

”Well... we’ll figure something out. You should at least come to practice,” Osamu urged, “We still have to pull our share if we want our company to have a chance at staying up.”

”Okay... I guess,” he grumbled, swatting Osamu’s hand off of him, “Now go away. I’m not feeling good about any of this.”

”Alright... see you in the morning.”

The quiet music continued to play in the background as Osamu left his room. Atsumu flopped over onto his stomach, burying his arms under his pillow. He sighed into it, his hands aimlessly searching for something. Warmth. He wanted that warmth. Was he really becoming that touch-starved after two weeks? What was he going to do... at this point he wouldn’t be surprised if his attitude would suddenly plummet into that bitter self he used to be.

So self-destructive...

Hah.

He would never survive an actual breakup.

* * *

“Happy birthday.”

Atsumu looked up at Suna, who handed him over a small box and bag. A cupcake. A new chain necklace. Atsumu smiled at him, “Thanks. And don’t worry about me if you’re going to say anything... you and ‘Samu should enjoy yourselves. If you need the apartment empty, I can always-“

Suna shook his head, “We’re going to take a trip to Southern Japan. You could always come with us...”

Atsumu frowned, “Like I said, I don’t want to intrude. I’ll be fine,” he insisted as he went to place the cupcake in the mini fridge the studio had. He set the bag inside his backpack, then walking to the mirror wall to watch himself stretch. They were all ready to go. Just one more person...

”Good morning. We’ll be starting once I fix this up.”

Atsumu glanced up at the mirrors, spotting Kita walking into the studio. Or... limping? Atsumu’s gaze stayed on Kita as he moved towards the back, sitting down with his duffel bag.

Kita pulled out his blue athletic tape. That wouldn’t be enough... he needed to use the brace. Considering the jumps that were in this choreography, he could easily twist his ankle or even break a bone. He shouldn’t be limping though... if he was taking the breaks he was meant to be taking, then his ankle should be fine. 

Unless he wasn’t taking those resting periods and was practicing on his own. 

Atsumu sighed out loud. Was he not taking care of himself now? It was the same as when he was in college. Just wads of athletic tape layered over his ankle. If he didn’t want to use the braces because Atsumu bought them-

“Is something wrong, Miya?”

He was still looking at Kita through the mirror, his eyes briefly meeting with Kita’s narrowed ones. He wasn’t attacking him in any way, but Kita looked like he was constantly being threatened when Atsumu was around. He seemed to have built quite a bitter character too. Ugh... Atsumu pressed a smile onto his face, shaking his head, “No. Nothing is wrong.”

He could feel his own eye twitch. Atsumu took in a deep breath. Calm down... it’s not like he’s really an ex. He had no reason to get irritated. It’s Kita. Not some petty stranger. 

_It was starting to feel like it though._

_”_ What is wrong with you?” he muttered to himself, “You were literally about to cry over him in the morning, and now you think he’s a jerk? That’s the last thing he would ever be,” he quietly reasoned with himself, “Right. It’s him. You’ve known him for years. Right, right...” 

“Osamu, Suna, let’s get into the starting formation,” Kita clapped his hands, pointing to various parts on the floor, “Miya, if you’re done mumbling to yourself, come over here. Practice is going to be cut short, so we need all the time we can get.”

Atsumu simply did as he was told. He didn’t want that awkward air in the room today. They followed the dance, Kita occasionally stopping them to point out how a certain move should have this kind of angle, this kind of flow, all those little nitpicking details. Atsumu kept glancing down at the blue covered ankle, watching how it would almost fold over at certain foot work and spins.

Not good.

”Uhm... maybe we should take a break?” Atsumu suggested after they’ve torn through most of the choreography. 

Kita shook his head, “We’re almost done. Just the last part and the you guys are free to go.”

It was specifically the last part that he was trying to avoid. It was the dance break with the jump spin. Kita wouldn’t be able to land it... not with that folding ankle. The moment he made impact with the floor, it was going to give out on him. He knew this. Kita should know that. So why? Why wasn’t he listening to his own body? 

Atsumu hesitantly followed the formation again. 

”Five, six, seven, eight!”

He continued with it, but he would glance back down at Kita’s feet when he had the chance. Left, right, heel, heel, fancy footwork, arm movements...

”And go!”

They jumped. 

Kita yelled.

Everyone stopped in their tracks.

”Go get the first aid kit in my car ‘Samu,” Atsumu was already instructing, “Suna, in the back seat there’s a small backpack. There should be the number of his doctor and a white ankle brace. Please grab that. I’ll call you if it ends up being a broken bone, and if I do, get the car started. Go!” he exclaimed as he threw his keys to Osamu.

Osamu and Suna went running to the parking lot. Atsumu turned his attention to Kita, kneeling down to where he was on the floor. Kita was taking off the tape, hissing every time he moved it. He looked up at Atsumu, but those eyes were still stayed on glaring at him.

”Let me help.”

”I’m fine.”

”Kita, you are not okay. Let me see-“

”I said I’m fine Miya.”

”No you aren’t-!”

Kita threw the wad of tape he had in his hands onto the floor, “Look! It’s just sprained. That’s it. It’s not broken, it’s not going to fall apart. This has happened before... why are you acting like I’m going to break because of this?”

Atsumu scrunched his nose up in frustration, “You know what the doctor said! Any more twists and sprains and you could never dance again. You’ve been overworking yourself too much... you know better than this. Why?” he started to raise his voice, “Why are you doing this to yourself? You’re going to be the own cause of your downfall!”

Kita stared at him for a long time. 

Then he started to chuckle. A broken one. His head went down as he laughed, lifting it back up to look at Atsumu in disbelief, “Since when did you care?” he asked with a bite in his voice, “You never cared about that.”

”Kita-“

”You told me. You said that I should quit because I was going to drag everyone down,” he spat, “You never believed in my dance did you? All of that in college was just pretend, wasn’t it?”

”Stop-“

”I remember that day clear as ever, Miya!” Kita started to yell, “You broke up with me because of my dance, because of my injury, because you said, ‘ _I can’t be with someone like you anymore. My image is at risk.’,”_ he sat up, jabbing his finger at Atsumu, “Your image? Your image as a Miya... was more important to you than me.”

He could feel anger rising within him, “Don’t talk about my family,” he seethed, moving away from Kita’s jabbing finger. Kita knew that was a sensitive place for him... he would never bring that up.

Kita’s face was all crumpled up now, “You never changed. You always put yourself on a pedestal just because of where you came from,” he continued to attack, “One half of the incredible Miya twins who don’t give a damn about those who are beneath them. You know... if that arrogance wasn’t in the way of your line of sight, you would see how many people just use you for exploitation.”

”You’re on thin fucking ice, Kita!”

”Says the one who broke it!” he returned, “Says the one who just can’t and will _never_ understand what anyone without a name has been through. You’ll never get anywhere with what you are now... and you will never, never!” he pointed at him, “Never be someone who will be appreciated... because that’s how you were raised. It’s never enough for you and you will never be enough for yourself!”

Atsumu froze. 

”Who the hell are you?” he asked quietly, his voice steadily rising again, “I said who the hell are you to say who I am?!”

All he could see was red.

He grabbed Kita by the collar of his shirt, “I will never be enough? Me? You hypocrite!” he shouted, “You always push yourself way past your own limit and you will destroy yourself at the pace you are going at right now! You can never satisfy yourself, you can never have enough, and you never knew when to stop... you’re killing yourself!” he shook him, “And you have no right... you don’t have the audacity to talk about my name like that-“

There was a sharp sting across his face. It took a few seconds for him to realize....

That person punched him.

He _punched_ him.

“Get off of me.”

”Who are you... you’re not Kita. You aren’t him... he’s not a monster, he’s not a fucking monster!” 

”You’re looking at the wrong person... look into the mirror if you want to see a real monster!”

He was starting to lose himself in those altered memories.

Blood dripped out of his nose and onto Kita’s pants. Atsumu’s body moved on its own. He punched back. Kita wiped off blood from his nose before he yelled, going back at Atsumu. They wrestled each other down, constant yelling going back and forth as they scratched at each other’s faces and clothes. 

That wasn’t Kita...

That was a stranger.

That kept running through his mind as he threw Kita off of him, the man not giving up as he wobbly stood on his feet. The adrenaline rush must have made him forget about his ankle. Atsumu stood up, running to meet Kita as he ran at him. They met in the middle, their hands pushing away at their chests and jaws. He could feel Kita’s hand digging into the crevasse of his jaw, while Atsumu was still gripping the collar of Kita’s shirt. There was shouting... but it was all a blur to him.

”What the hell are you doing?!”

Osamu yanked Atsumu away from Kita, Suna dragging Kita to the other side of the room. Half of Atsumu’s self pulled away from that fake reality, but the other was still seething with anger.

”You don’t know who I am... you don’t know, you don’t know, you don’t know!” he screamed, “You have no idea how much I’ve been through because of my fucking name, and now matter how many times I tell you, you’ll always bring it back to yourself!” he yelled at that stranger from across the room, “Fuck you! Fuck you!”

”Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” the stranger yelled in return, but their voice started to break at the edges.

”You jerk... you,” his words started to die on his lips as the red went away from his eyes, “Fuck you... you.. you...!”

He broke out into a wail. Atsumu’s legs crumpled beneath him, his brother lowering himself down along with Atsumu. He bit Osamu’s arm, muffling that long and loud scream as his eyes were shaking from left the right. Hot tears left his eyes as he stared at the person from across the room.

Kita.

That was Kita.

That wasn’t a stranger... that was Kita.

He yelled, he screamed, he hit, he hurt, and he damaged Kita. The sudden burst of frustration and sadness mixed itself into such a dangerous concoction... that it made him think that the Kita was such a stranger. It’s not his fault... it was the alteration. 

It was still Kita. He didn’t mean those things. Atsumu didn’t mean those things, but he just lost himself in that alteration...

He felt like he really broke up with him.

Kita was quietly sobbing as he looked at Atsumu. There were blood stains from their noses smeared across his chin and lip. Those painful alterations were probably flooding through his mind. Something similar to this had happened before...

He knew that was the memory he had to exactly recreate, but the end result could come to this. It was too much to risk... too much. 

What was he going to do... if he didn’t act quickly enough...

He would really lose him.

-

“Yeah... he’s okay? Good... I’ll see you later. Bye.”

Atsumu was now sitting at the kitchen table, his face and arms covered with bandaids. Osamu just got off of the phone, placing it down on the table as he sat across from him. He frowned at Atsumu, shaking his head.

”You’re an idiot.”

”I know.”

”Why did you do that?”

”I don’t know what came over me! He was just saying so many things that he would never say to me... I couldn’t see him in the moment. He sounded so much like those people who criticize us...”

”But it’s still him. It’s still the guy you fell head over heels for.”

”I know... but I messed up! I punched him, I insulted him, and he took all of that to heart!” he started to cry again.

”Tsumu... are you sure you don’t want me to stay? We can always do something to make you feel less shitty about everything...”

”No... go have fun. It’s your birthday too. Kita’s alright, right?” he asked through sniffles, although he already knew the answer, “I’m sure he’d want to be alone too. I’m just going to... reflect or something along those lines.”

Osamu was hesitating to leave, but Atsumu eventually shoved him out of the apartment with his things and locked the door. He was knocking on the door to get back in, but Atsumu refused to let him in. After a while, the knocking stopped. He left. Atsumu sighed, sinking down onto the floor with his back pressed against to the door. He wiped off the tears that kept running down, the corner of his eyes stinging every time he touched them. 

Worst day ever.

October 5th, 2020.

“Happy 25th birthday... Miya Atsumu,” he muttered to himself.

* * *

_“Ouch!”_

_It was around the time they had filmed and produced Silver Lining’s 2nd anniversary package. The two were still going to college while being in the boy group but they were going to graduate in less than two weeks._ _Atsumu was tightening up the brace that Kita was wearing. A bright blue one with Sanrio stickers- courtesy of their manager. Atsumu loosened the strap when he heard Kita’s yelp._

_”Sorry...”_

_”It’s fine, not like this hasn’t happened before,” Kita gently took his hands away from his ankle, “You’ve been off today... is there something you want to say?”  
_

_Okay... here goes nothing._

_”Kita.”_

_”Yes?”_

_”I think we should breakup.”_

_Silence._

_Atsumu swallowed the lump that was in his throat, “I’ve seen what everyone says about you. It’s not good... I don’t want people to drag your good name around because of me,” he kept looking down, “You’ll take a toll to your mental health every time you see those crude comments.”_

_Silence._

_Then a sniffle._

_Atsumu curled his hands up into a fist as he looked up. Kita shook his head, a few single tears that fell out falling away from his face, “You have to give me a better excuse than that.”_

_Atsumu bit his lip. He was doing this for him... right. He had to hit him with the hard “truth”.  
_

_”And... I can’t be partners with someone who doesn’t take this art seriously,” he tried to keep his voice steady, “The longer I stay with someone who is injured, the more my dance style will become simplistic. I can’t keep modifying because you... so... let’s breakup. Both ways- as dance partners and as lovers. I can leave the band if that makes you uncomfortable-“_

_”Are you hearing yourself?”_

_”Kita... I’m sorry.”_

_”I’ll ask you again. Are you- are you hearing yourself?” Kita’s voice got caught, an almost strangled sound slipping by. Atsumu kept his gaze on him._

_”I can hear myself loud and clear.”_

_Kita kept shaking his head, each tear trembling down as it slip off of his cheek. He took a deep breath in, the next one coming out shakily as he reached down to his brace._

_The velcro straps were being removed. Kita slipped off the brace, exposing the slightly swollen skin after a long day of practice. They had a special choreography for their fans, but the way their dance instructor had given it to them... there were many modifications to the original. It wasn’t as hard as before, but it would still cut Kita’s stamina in half._

_Kita stood up, slowly walking over to the speaker system on the table. He placed the brace in his bag next to the system, then grabbing the remote for the speaker. He rewinded the song, starting it all the way at the beginning. He went to the center of the floor, laying down in a starting position with the remote to the system in his hand._

_”That’s the original-“ he was about to correct him. His eyes widened as_ _realized what Kita was trying to do, “No. You know that you can-!”_

_The music turned on. Kita sat upright, his arms reaching up to where Atsumu would have been. He sharply brought them back to his chest, hitting it slightly to the beat of their original song.  
_

_’even lovers fight and go through heartaches’._

_”You stayed in a lonely morning, and I went soaring,” he got up without using his hands, his nose twitching as he applied pressure to his ankle, “I went flying out of town, to somewhere where you wouldn’t be around, but every where I turn, I see you in the world.”  
_

_“I stayed in the morning, while you went soaring,” Atsumu heard his voice, Kita standing to the side at what would have been Atsumu’s moment of a solo dance, “This home still smells of you, of a calm ocean and the sweet spring, who knew, oh who knew that I would need you so much....”_

_Kita spun around to where Atsumu’s position was, holding the ghost of his body, “But hey, this is normal, it’s something so scornful , we throw our things across the bed sheet, our faces red with the heat- of anger and sorrow-,” he crumpled his face up, a single tear falling out, “We fight like there’s no tomorrow, follow up with “I’m sorry, I love ya,” it’s bound to be like this even if it makes us break..._

_Kita took a really deep breath, “Even lovers fight and go through heartaches.”_

_He spun various times as the original went, dancing around the image of him. Kita was clenching his teeth hard enough for a vein to pop out. The footwork..._

_He wouldn’t be able to do it._

_Kita stumbled, barely catching himself with his hand on the floor. He shook his head, rewinding the song back to the part where the dance break would have started. He was trying to do it perfectly without any support for his ankle. He tried again._

_And again._

_Again, again, each time his form was crumbling more and more. Kita kept pressing rewind, sweat dripping down his face as he went back to the last position._

_”Stop...”_

_He only did the first spin before he fell onto his knees, pausing and rewinding the song. Kita kept shaking his head, quietly trying to stand up again. It was more swollen than before..._

_”Kita, stop.”_

_He went back into position._

_”Shinsuke, stop!”_

_He was about to spin._

_”Stop!”_

_Atsumu ran towards him, tightly holding him back from doing the spin. Kita wouldn’t look at him, squirming around as he tried to break from Atsumu’s hold, “Let me go.”_

_”Not unless you stop trying.”_

_”I said let me go.”_

_”Tell me that you’ll stop.”_

_”Let me go, Atsumu.”_

_”No-“_

_”I said let go!”  
_

_Kita managed to put some distance between them, but as he stepped back, his ankle gave into him. Atsumu took hold again before he fell, now lowering himself to the ground with Kita. He held tightly around his waist, refusing to let him go. Kita’s hands grabbed his, forcing some of his fingers to unclasp. Atsumu tried to clasp them back together, “‘Shisu, don’t... don’t,” he murmured as he lead his head against Kita’s back, feeling the hard beating of his heart._

_”I can’t... I can’t!” he raised his voice, still trying to make Atsumu let him go, “I have to do the original dance... I have to, I have to...”_

_”You can’t! You know you can’t!” Atsumu’s voice went up a notch, but he returned it back to his normal volume, “You can’t do this... so stop. Stop. You can’t destroy yourself like this.”_

_”If I can’t... if I can’t, then will you leave?!”_

_Atsumu felt Kita’s back hitch. He closed his eyes tightly as he heard a small sob escape from Kita’s throat, “You... you believed that I could dance even with this ankle. I’m doing my best... I could care less about my name, and I could just ignore my fatigue... but this dance? I can’t dance with someone else... it has to be you.”_

_He held onto his even tighter than before._

_”I can’t let you leave... not like this,” he whispered, “Let me go... I’ll show you that I can do the original without any tape or brace!”_

_”I didn’t mean it.”_

_Kita stopped grabbing at his hands. Atsumu still had his eyes closed, “I didn’t mean it... I’m sorry... I’m so sorry,” he felt his lip tremble, “I’m sorry... I’m sorry,” he kept repeating._

_There was a silent scream. He could feel Kita’s chest hitching. Some choked sounds of the shout came out as Kita leaned forward, his hand grabbing his own chest as a small sob broke out, “You jerk... you jerk!” he shouted with a strained voice._

_”I’m sorry... I’m sorry...”_

_Kita cried for a little while, hitting his chest in efforts to push down the repented sobs that were still in his throat. His body was on fire from the scare, and all Atsumu could think of was repeating those two words over and over again. He loosened the grip he had around Kita, letting him turn around to face Atsumu. He felt Kita lean into him, burying his head into the crook of his neck and shoulder. Atsumu kept mumbling those two words, a few teardrops forming._

_They calmed down after a few moments, sitting still on the cold dance floor. No more sniffling, no more sobs, no more tears. The calm after a storm._

_”Why... why did you say that?” Kita mumbled after a while._

_”... I was told to.”  
_

_He explained to him that their second manager had told him to do it, somewhat convincing Atsumu that it would be for the best for Kita’s health. He didn’t have to leave the band, but if they broke up, the crude comments would have died down. As for the dancing and Kita’s ankle condition, Atsumu threw that in out of vain. He didn’t want to. He really didn’t want to leave him, but if the comments would go away... then wouldn’t it be okay?_

_He would later find out that it was actually their CEO’s request.  
_

_Kita hummed a little, “Ah... they really hate us together that much?”_

_”I’m sorry... it’s my fault. If I wasn’t a Miya, then none of this would have happened to you.”_

_”I don’t care. Miya or not, you’re still Atsumu. People would still be wanting you, but you’re true to yourself. You’re still you,” he spoke softly, “I mean... look at where you are. You’ve become a better person, you complete forgot about the expectations thing, you’ve been opening up to more people, and you aren’t a complete asshole anymore.”_

_”A complete asshole?”_

_”Sometimes you can be... like you were a few minutes ago.”_

_”My poor baby... do you want me to kiss the damage I’ve done better?” he started to tease, sensing that Kita was already calming down. Kita lifted his head to look at him, the tiniest hint of a smile on his face. He shook his head a little, turning his head away from Atsumu. Atsumu pulled him back so that his face would be closer, kissing those soft cheeks as he always would. Kita’s smile became a little more wider as he held onto Atsumu, accepting his gestures of affection.  
_

_”That doesn’t mean that I’m not mad at you,” Kita glanced at him, “Don’t pull something like that again... my heart nearly jumped out of my chest.”_

_”I would never do that again, promise.”_

_”Promise?”_

_”Cross my heart.”_

_”...I’m still kinda pissed.”_

_”How can I make it up to you?”_

_”Home.”  
_

_Atsumu allowed Kita to slip away from him as he got up, first grabbing their things before they could move on. He walked back over to Kita, squatting down to help him up._

_“Alright... up we go!” Atsumu huffed as he slipped his arms underneath Kita, hoisting him up, “You can’t walk, and I won’t let you walk since your ankle is on thin ice. Which by the way, we’re going to stop by the nearest pharmacy to pick up your prescription.”_

_”Can we get food too?”_

_”I can cook.”_

_”No you can’t.”_

_”... You’re right.”_

_”So... tofu burgers?”_

_”Anything for you.”_

* * *

October 21st, 2020.

Almost a month had passed from that day at H.C. Two weeks from his big fight with Kita. Neither of them had apologized, and he didn’t know if he was showing up to practice. Atsumu has been avoiding it, skipping and leaving as early as he could. 

He knew what memory he had to bring up.

It was the one in which he was asked to breakup with Kita. While the outcome was positive in the original, if he tried to do that again, Kita would probably get offense or pissed at him. The end result could be another fight worse than the last one. That’s why he was so hesitant to bring it up... he wouldn’t be able to go through another fight. The more they bashed on each other, the further they would get away. 

There was a knock at the door.

”Tsumu. There’s dinner on the table.”

”I’m not hungry.”

”C’mon, you haven’t been eating well these past few days. I’m not wasting that rice, so get out here.”

”I said I’m not hungry.”

”We have to go somewhere later, so if you don’t eat right now I won’t let you touch the fridge when we come back!”

Atsumu grumbled as he got up from his bed, opening the door and brushing past Osamu to the kitchen. He sat down, immediately picking at the rice with his chopsticks. Osamu crossed his arms as he stood behind him, making sure that he wouldn’t leave until he finished his food.

”Where are we going?” he asked after he finally finished. Osamu simply shrugged. Atsumu sighed and grabbed the bowls, placing them in the sink for washing. His brother threw his jacket at him the moment he turned around, nodding towards the door with the keys in his hands.

”In this?” he gestured to his sweats.

”You literally wear those all around town when you go out.”

”But where are we going?”

”You’ll see, just get your ass in the car!”

Osamu practically had to drag Atsumu out of the apartment. He shoved him into the car and drove off before Atsumu could even try to leave. Five minutes into the ride, Atsumu already realized where they were going. It was the same path that passed by the company. No, why would they stop at the company? They had no reason to be there.

Yet they stopped at the company. 

Osamu parked the car and immediately hopped out, going straight to the entrance and pulling the door open. Atsumu furrowed his eyebrows as he followed him, the two eventually walking down the same old hallways they always would. It as much more quiet than it usually was, but he guessed that it was still open for those who needed certain things. They had been using a separate studio for privacy reasons, but they could have been using the company studios-

Wait a minute.

They were in the dance room wing.

“Samu... I swear if you’re doing what I think you’re doing-“

”Too late!”

One if the doors to the dance rooms suddenly swung open, Osamu pushing Atsumu into the room. He stumbled in, quickly turning back to the door. Suna slipped by, throwing up a peace sign as he closed the door behind him. One of the must have swiped their card across the lock because he heard that clicking sound. Stuck in here.

”You two aren’t leaving that room until you make up for everything!” Suna shouted from the other side, “Call is when you’re done.”

There was some shuffling and the shadows of their feet left from the crack below the door. Atsumu didn’t want to turn around from the door. He knew he would be there. What should he expect? Anger? A cold expression? 

He turned around, still looking to the floor. Okay... he was going to have to look at Kita eventually. Atsumu lifted his head up, glancing at Kita from across the room.

There was no anger, no coldness, no sort of remorse or look of disgust. Kita had his knees up to his chest, wearing the old Sanrio covered brace on his ankle. He made brief eye contact with Atsumu, but quickly turned his head away after a second passed. Kita kept looking at the mirrored wall on his left, staring right into his own reflection. 

Atsumu slowly walked over to the wall he was against, still keeping his distance for Kita’s sake. He sat down a few feet away from him on the floor, crossing his legs underneath him. He looked down at the old brace Kita was wearing, seeing how tight the frayed straps were. Atsumu tapped his fingers on the floor, trying not to reach over to fix them. Kita must have noticed his tapping. He could see him staring at Atsumu through the mirror.

”Do you mind if I...?” Atsumu gestured to his brace.

”Whatever,” Kita grumbled.

Kita didn’t move away when he got closer. Atsumu carefully unraveled the straps, readjusting them so that they were looser around the ankle. He sighed softly, “I’m sorry...”

”It’s fine. Not like I haven’t tightened this too much before,” Kita replied, thinking that he was talking about his brace readjustment, “You seem... quiet. Do you have something to say or are we just going to sit here in silence?”

Atsumu took his hands away from the brace. It sounded awfully close to that last memory. Maybe... just maybe...

He took a deep breath in. It just had to have some of the same words and main actions. He looked down, squeezing his eyes tightly, “I think we should break up.”

Silence.

”It’s not my name being dragged... it’s yours. I’ve seen what they said about you,” he added on things so that Kita wouldn’t be confused, “It’s not good. I can’t see your good name being dragged around... it’ll take a toll to your mental health.”

Silence.

A scoff and a sniffle.

”That was your reason? You need a better excuse than that,” he quietly mumbled.

Another deep breath. This was either going to make Kita go feral or make him show Atsumu his determination, “And... I can’t have be with someone who doesn’t take this art seriously. My dance style was on the verge of losing its touch because of the modifications. I can’t keep modifying myself for you... so yeah, that’s why we should break up.... and if you’re uncomfortable with me around, more than ever, I can leave the group-“

”Are you hearing yourself?”

”Kita-“

”Are you hearing yourself?”

”... Loud and clear.”

He looked at Kita, who’s lips were pressed into a thin line. He shook his head, reaching down to his brace. He took it off, the skin around his ankle not swollen, but bruised from the fight when he folded his ankle. Kita stood up, going straight to the speaker and searching for a song.

”You broke up with me because of my incapacity to dance to an original choreography... huh?” he murmured as he found the song, grabbing the remote and pressing play. He quietly went to the center, going straight into the starting position.

”Kita... no, don’t-“

”I can, and I will.”

The song they made started to play, Kita doing the same sharp gestures once the first notes came out. He got up with out his hands, using the pressure on his ankles and feet to get up from the floor after some added height. His face was scrunched up after that move, the lyrics ringing around the room as he continued. It was already getting to the dance break.

”Even lovers fight and go through heartaches,” Kita muttered as he narrowed his eyes at Atsumu, going straight into the dance break. It suddenly turned into a more fluid dance, his spins going with such a nice flow as he danced around the room. The shuffle footwork...

Kita stumbled right before he could finish it. He sighed, rewinding the song and starting from the beginning of the dance break. 

Again.

Again.

Over and over again, each time his form crumbling even more. This time, he said the lyric when he started again, each line shortening as he lost his breath. Sweat dripped down to the floor as he tried for what seemed to be the thousandth time.

”... heartaches,” he managed to breath out the last word, trying to spin again. 

”Kita.”

The second spin fumbled but he went on.

”Shinsuke, stop.”

He stumbled on the third and was about to rewind the song again.

Atsumu got up from his place, walking towards Kita. He took the remote away from his hands before he could touch another button. Kita turned to face Atsumu, holding his hand out, “Give me... the remote.”

“Are you going to stop?”

”Remote.”

”Then stop.”

”Miya.”

”Tell me that you’ll stop trying.”

”I don’t need music to dance,” Kita glared at him, moving away from Atsumu. The second he stepped on his bad ankle, it gave in on him. Atsumu dropped the remote to catch Kita, barely stopping him from falling face first. Atsumu went to the floor, still holding onto him tightly. 

”I won’t let you.”

”Let me go.”

”No. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

”I said let go.”

”Then stop trying!”

”Let me go, Atsumu! Let go, let go... let go!” he started to raise his voice, his hands grasping at Atsumu to wring them off of him. Atsumu shook his head, still keeping his hold. Kita kept unfurling his fingers, desperately trying to make Atsumu leave.

He stopped after a while, barely brushing his fingers now, “Let me go... please,” he leaned forward, a shaky sigh coming out, “Atsumu... please. Let me go.” 

”I won’t.”

”... I can do it though. I _can._ I know I can. If you don’t believe me, then I’ll prove it to you. I’ll prove to you that everything you said is just bullshit... so let go.”

”Shisu, I can’t do that. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

”Why... why do you care so much?!” Kita bursted out, now gripping Atsumu’s hands tightly as he dug his nails into his skin, “Why are you bringing this up again? Why are you acting like this? I don’t understand! I don’t understand... if you cared so much then why did you break up with me? Why did you-?!”

”I didn’t mean it!” Atsumu shouted in return, “I didn’t mean any of it.... it was the same as Daishou wanting you to leave the band because of the negative comments,” he reasoned, assuming that his alteration made some excuse for his hatred of Daishou, “They made me do it... you’re not remembering it correctly!”

His frustration was getting the best of him, “Why would I ever leave you... I promised not to, but then this happened and now everything is a mess! The world hates me, you hate me, and I hate me... I’m so sorry... it’s not our fault, but I’m sorry. None of this would have ever happened if I hadn’t broken up with you... I didn’t, but you won’t believe me.”

He leaned against Kita’s back, “I love you. I still love you and I always will.... but you won’t believe that will you?”

Silence. 

A cry ripped out of Kita’s throat. Atsumu felt Kita’s arms trying to break free again, but this time they seemed more desperate than ever. Atsumu whipped his head up to glance at him, his grip loosing strength for a moment. Kita’s arms flew to his own head, grabbing the white and black clumps of hair tightly. Atsumu’s eyes widened as Kita suddenly turned around, his eyes wide and shocked. He would close they tightly, his mouth shaking as he tried not to let out another sound, but a scream kept trying to explode.

Atsumu did what he could. He placed his hand behind Kita’s head, tilting it towards his shoulder. He heard a muffled shout, and he could feel a surge of heat through Kita’s face. Atsumu held onto him tightly, moving Kita’s arms and hands away from his hair. Kita griped Atsumu’s sides, his whole body burning as it went on for a long time. Atsumu rubbed his back in efforts to calm him down... none of it worked.

Suddenly, everything died down. 

Kita’s body felt heavy against his. Atsumu shook him gently, “Kita...?”

Nothing.

”Shinsuke?”

Nothing.

Minutes passed, yet Kita didn’t move a muscle. Atsumu started to panic. Did he die? Is he dead? No... he’s still warm. Did he black out? Where was the nearest hospital... he had to get there quickly-!

His eyes widened as he felt something.

It was the quietest sob he had ever heard. Kita’s fingers started to curl around his side again, slowly and with the lightest amount of pressure. Kita’s back hitched up, his frame shaking as it went back down. Kita slowly lifted his head to look at Atsumu, his face still traced with a tint of red from all the yelling.

Those warm eyes appeared.

”Atsumu...”

”Shinsuke?”

A hiccup passed by Kita when he tried to speak, “I didn’t mean any of that... I didn’t mean it... I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-“

It was his turn to cry.

”It’s you.”

”Who else would it be?”

Atsumu’s tears were of joy. He hugged Kita as if he were seeing him for the first time in a while, falling back onto the floor. Kita kept crying silently to himself, a smile on his face when he looked at Atsumu. Atsumu kept asking Kita if it was really back to normal out of disbelief, “How? I was supposed to make the memory exact... how did that work?”

”It was along the same lines... but maybe it was because it was from the roots,” Kita thought as he pointed at Atsumu’s chest, “The product wasn’t completely perfect... perhaps it was a word or phrase. An honest confession?”

Atsumu just looked at Kita with soft eyes, “I don’t know what it was... but you’re here. You’re here,” he repeated over and over again, lovingly cupping Kita’s cheek in one of his hands. 

“How much time has passed?”

”A month.”

”No wonder... you look like a hot mess.”

”But I’m your-“

”Don’t finish that sentence,” Kita stopped him with a small laugh. They just kept looking at each other, still in awe at the sight of such familiar faces that were once completely strange to each other. Kita placed his hand on top of Atsumu’s, that sweet warmth coursing up his body. Atsumu finally stopped tearing up.

”It’s Kita,” he said out loud, a smile on his face as the last few tears slipped out. 

”It’s me,” Kita whispered in reassurance.

Atsumu lifted his hand away from Kita’s face, to which Kita moved his hand away too. He moved his hand down to Kita’s waist, pulling him even closer to his body. Kita tilted his head up at Atsumu, looking at his tear streaked face.

“I’m not going to disappear... you keep staring at my like I’ll slip away from you again, but I won’t,” Kita murmured, “So don’t cry. Even if the universe tries to rip us away from each other... I’ll always find a way be with you one way or another.” 

”Promise?”

”Promise... and I love you too.”

He responded to the last thing he said before the whole returning memory event happened. Atsumu grinned at him, “God... I’m so into you.”

He pressed a kiss to Kita’s lips, that familiar sensation flooding back to him. It really had been too long... that soft and fuzzy feeling running through him whenever they kissed. A perfect mold for each other. He smiled against Kita’s lips, a small giggle coming out as he remembered something. All those years ago, he said that he wanted Kita for himself. 

He stayed true to that.

That man was his first everything. His real first love, a genuine first kiss, his first long-term relationship, his first for almost everything he had experienced in a loving and mutual relationship. Sooner or later, he would make that last name his as well. He was going to keep having firsts with him. He was sure of it. Why?

He’s all he needed.

Kita was the sole reason he was this new person. He was there for all the good moments and times of pure ecstasy. Atsumu did the same in return.

And even through the thickest and hardest times, he was going to stay by his side. Even lovers have fights and heartaches... it was a normal thing for them to go through. He was going to stay the whole way, through all the ugly and pretty sides of this life with him.

Through the tender kisses, he breathed out with a smile...

”You’re all I’ve ever needed.” 


	33. He’s Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s Fine - unreleased track  
> From: the archives of Bokuto Koutarou
> 
> He’s like fine weather, like soothing rain, washing away the pain  
> He’s like slow snowfall, sweeping you away during a breezy day  
> He’s fine, he’s fine, he’s fine  
> That’s what he’ll say, but he’s like fine weather  
> Pretty and soothing to the eye, but inside  
> it’s a brewing storm that refuses to wither.

_“You might never make a living off of that. You know better than this Keiji. A smart boy like you should look into business or the medical field.”_

_Akaashi stabbed his chopsticks into the tofu he was eating, “Dad. You said that I could purse music. You were in a band once too... you were the one who wanted me to go into the field. You can’t take that back after you taught me how to love music.”_

_”I know I did... but I don’t want you to fall into a deep hole that you can never get out of,” his father stressed, “If I’m being honest, the only reason we can live like this is because of your mom’s income. Don’t you want to provide a safe place and enough resources for your future someone if you choose to marry?”_

_”Dad, I’ll be fine,” Akaashi reassured, picking up his chopsticks again, “I’ll pull through with my keyboard, you’ll see. And if I get famous- which I doubt will happen- I’ll buy you and mom a better place to live in.”_

_His father smiled a him, “Alright... Alright. If I don’t see your poster around town, I’ll be pretty bummed. If you’re that confident in yourself Keiji, then get out there. Just know that there will be other options in the world if it goes wrong.”_

_”I know. I know, Dad.”  
_

_-_

_“You’re kidding me.”  
_

_Akaashi furrowed his eyebrows at all the eyes on him. He was holding his acceptance paper into the school of performing and musical arts. Some of his peers around him had disagreements over his letter._

_”I didn’t get in... but someone like you who can’t even sing got in?” a student flicked his paper, “They must be tone deaf!”_

_”Nah, they just picked him for his looks,” someone joined in, “Why don’t you go and learn how to be a pretty boy idol? Is fan service your thing Akaashi?”_

_”He plays the keyboard, right?” another person quipped, “That has to get him somewhere... unless his music sucks that much.”_

_”Please, haven’t you heard him before in music class? He’ll never get anywhere with that... if you can’t sing, then there’s no hope in even getting into the light.”  
_

_Akaashi gripped the paper in his hands, the sheet crinkling at the edges. He shoved the paper into his backpack, briskly swinging it over his shoulder and leaving the classroom. He could hear them snicker even after he had left the room. Akaashi just kept walking. He walked, and walked, and walked..._

_Not enough?_

_He got in for a reason didn’t he? If he wasn’t good enough they wouldn’t have accepted him._

_Right?_

_-_

_He felt really small._

_There was a piano in the center of the studio wing, the ebony surface trying to coax him to play. ‘Join us’, ‘come and play with us’ the keys rang out to him. Fingers danced across each black and white counterpart, beautiful notes coming out with just the right amount of pressure. Pure perfection._

_He felt so small._

_Watching one of the income first years alongside him class play that piano and harmonize with each key... it tore him apart. Such a perfect voice for a lovely song. Every visiting first year took their turn on the piano, their years of training on their vocals shining through the music with every sound.  
_

_Akaashi was the only one who didn’t sing._

_”That’s it?”_

_”It sounded nice... but is that all he has?”_

_”With such a nice face, I think he could pass by as a band member.”_

_”Are you kidding me? He can be a producer, sure, but... a solo artist? A band member? An idol? Without any confidence in his song...?”_

_”That’s ridiculous.”_

_They wouldn’t stop murmuring about him._

_He had the least experience with singing. Sure, he had been playing keyboard and piano since he was young, but he hadn’t been singing for a very long time. He only started in high school.  
_

_He thought he was progressing._

_He thought he was doing well._

_However, they further their tour guide took them into the school, the further his confidence dropped. He could hear all those amazing voices, each one having their own uniqueness to it. He could hear how people molded with their songs, practically becoming one with any and every performance._

_It plummeted to the floor._

_He couldn’t do this._

_He couldn’t be like them._

_It was only one tour, one day, one experience, but he had already dreaded the day that he had to start. He couldn’t do it... the pressure was too much.  
  
Once he returned home, he resigned his keyboard to his closet. He shoved his practice books and vocal lessons into a folder. There’s so much some comments and actions could do to a mindset.   
_

_It only took a final push to go over the edge._

_Akaashi decided to give up on music._

* * *

November 11th, 2020.

Bokuto had a decent idea on what Akaashi’s erasure was really about. Originally, he thought that it was about a disgust for music because of something that had happened.

It wasn’t completely all that.

Bokuto had just remembered the times Akaashi had told him that no one was supporting him in his first year of college. His dad was against the idea, but Akaashi had managed to convince him that he would make it. However, since Akaashi had only started singing in high school, many of his classmates and music club members were very... upset with who got into the Sendai University. Compared to the rest of them, they found it unfair that a “rookie” singer got in simply by playing a piano piece.

Of course, Akaashi was uncomfortable with all the backlash people gave him. His dad was very proud of him though, and that was his motive to keep it going. He had been Akaashi’s motive for a long time. 

The first year of college wasn’t easy for him. 

Constant nit-picking, hard days, non-stop criticism from all areas... it could do something to someone. If it were Bokuto, he knew that he would be in the dumps if everyone had been picking at him like that. 

Akaashi just kept going. He kept practicing on his own, even on days he didn’t have class. He would sneak away to places that were barely used or find a quiet spot where he could be left undisturbed. In fact, that’s how they met. Akaashi had wandered off into a music room which was usually empty around 6:23 p.m. At that time, Bokuto was practicing one of his pieces on the drum set that was usually in there. He crossed paths with Akaashi, immediately intrigued by Akaashi’s keyboard. Drum accompanists were usually guitarists, but he had always wanted to be accompanied by a keyboardist. Something a little different, something a little unique...

Naturally, Bokuto asked right away for Akaashi to play with him. He expected some sort of rejection, as most students would do, but Akaashi didn’t say a word. He simply closed the door behind him and set up his keyboard. As more practicing went on, and as more lessons went on, Akaashi had gained confidence in his singing and his skills. He proved them wrong. He proved everyone wrong, now being apart of one of the biggest boy bands in Japan. 

What the alteration did was attack that weak point.

Rather than going for a core memory, it went for the weakest point that _surrounds_ a core memory- well, at least in Akaashi’s case. The surrounding memories that led to Akaashi’s core memory of his journey toward confidence included those of people who pushed him down. The alteration must have changed those early years into something so negative that Akaashi believed he couldn’t take it. He now thought that he quit music right before he could even start. Eventually, his self-destructive thoughts made him hate the idea of music to a certain extent. 

On how he met Bokuto? All Akaashi told him was that they met outside of the college and eventually became friends... but it seemed like Akaashi couldn’t remember how they got here.

The alterations couldn’t make a cover up for everything, huh?

Bokuto aimlessly ran his hand across Akaashi’s hair while he thought on it. Currently, they were at home, watching a movie in the late afternoon since there was nothing else to do. Akaashi’s head was in his lap, his eyes drifting off in a daze as if he was going to fall asleep again any minute. He didn’t even remember what they were watching... a lot of their days went like this. They would get some calls from the court offices or from the few news reporters who wanted a scoop. They would do anything to keep themselves busy. They would practice-

... He would practice music. By himself.

The company had reopened for the full use of staff, trainees, and artists. For now, the Ushijima family were the temporary CEO’s until a decision was made upon the next head of the company. Not to mention, the idea of being a subsidiary label to another company was still in the air. They haven’t taken an offer yet. Until that was settled, the current employees and singers would be doing their work in the company that stood now. It was pretty lonely... 

He’d work in his own studio, but sometimes he’d go to Akaashi’s. He would look at all the scrawled post-it notes Akaashi’s plastered over his monitor, the various pictures stringed across the wall, the keyboard leaned against the corner of the room... it was sad.

A studio without its artist. 

It really was saddening looking at a studio like that.

”Bokuto?”

”Hm?”

”Your phone...”

Akaashi sleepily held up Bokuto’s phone, waving it around for him to take it. With his free hand, Bokuto took the phone and glanced at the missed phone call. Just as he was about to unlock his phone to return the call, the same person started ringing again. He answers this time.

”Kenma! What’s up?”

_”I just wanted to ask if you’d like to come with me and Shouyou to hang out...?”_

”Shouyou- oh! The one from Orange Blueberry? You’re friends with him?”

_”Yeah... I was going to ask Kuroo to come along, but he’s doing something with Tsukishima. I figured since you and Akaashi haven’t been out much, you could come along. If you want to, that is.”_

Bokuto looked down at Akaashi, who was listening in at the conversation. He nodded as he got up, “Give me ten minutes.”

”Yeah, we’ll be there Kenma. Just give us ten minutes.”

_”Alright... I’ll send you the location. It’s only us four, I rented out the place.”_

”You rented it out?”

_”I like privacy between our hangouts. It’s nothing much, but we can still have some sort of fun. I’ll see you later then.”_

Kenma hung up, moments later sending the direction to the location. Bokuto pressed his lips together when he looked at the address. He looked over at the small hallway where their bedroom was, “Akaashi, are you sure you want to go?” he called out from his place.

Akaashi had already dressed to go, “Why not? We haven’t been out much, so it would be good to get some air.”

”I know... but it’s a karaoke place.”

Akaashi paused for a moment, but he was quick to give a small smile, “It’s fine. Even if I can’t sing, I could always watch you guys. There’s nothing wrong with that, right?”

Bokuto was about to retort, telling him that it was okay to reject their invitation, but he only shook his head. He told Bokuto to go get ready while he warmed up the car. With a certain bit of hesitation, Bokuto went to his room to get ready.

It’s not like this hasn’t happened before.

In fact, Bokuto had slowly been trying to help Akaashi recover his memories. He’d bring him along to one or two practice sessions, but that ended rather quickly. He’d show him their songs, specifically the part where Akaashi sings, yet he doesn’t recognize his own voice. Bokuto even went with Akaashi all the way back to Sendai University to show him that piano under the soft yellow light.

Absolutely no recognition.

What could it be... what would bring it back in one haul?

If it wasn’t that piano, then what else was there? If it wasn't the piano, then he couldn't reconnect it back to that time where Bokuot heard Akaashi's singing voice for the first time. Think... think... 

He sighed.

He really did need some time to cool down before he could try to find those lost memories again.

* * *

 _"Raise the Mic!" ,_ a somewhat popular karaoke and restaurant bar that was tucked away in one of the various alleyways of Southern Tokyo. The wafting smell of fresh fries and pizza combined with that of brewed beer and sugary cocktails. From behind closed doors, there was the muffled sounds of people singing their hearts out to their favorite songs. Terrible vocals or the chords of a saint, everyone sang however they wanted to. They didn't care who was judging them: all they wanted was a source of comfort. That's all.

That's all...

Akaashi leaned into the back of the sofa, staring up at the lyrics of the current song playing. Currently, Bokuto and Hinata were pouring their souls onto the Pokemon theme song. They pumped their fists up whenever they got excited. Bokuto ran around the room as he sang, pointing to Hinata for him to sing the next line. They only met today and they already clicked well together.

Kenma nudged Akaashi, "You aren't going to join in?”

"You know me. I can't sing," he sighed into a glass of Sprite, "I can't and I won't."

It’s been strange with these guys... they always tried to make Akaashi do something related towards music. Is this why Kenma invited them out?

Kenma frowned at him, “It doesn’t really matter if you can’t sing or not here. I mean, can you hear the other booths? Some people don’t have the skill, but they still enjoy doing it. Don’t you think that you can enjoy music that way?”

Akaashi glanced back up at Bokuto and Hinata as they finished the song. They both had the brightest grins on as the dragged out the last bit in a joking manner, throwing their heads back into the air while raising the microphone further and further away from their faces.

There was a brief image that flashed through his mind. So brief, that he couldn’t even make out what it was. Akaashi furrowed his eyebrows as he looked blankly ahead of him. What was that?

Bokuto snapped him out of his trance, “Alright Kenma! Get out there with Hinata, it’s **showtime**!”

Another brief image. Too brief.

Kenma shrugged as he went up to Hinata, who was looking through the song book. Hinata smiled as he pointed to a track, “Kenma, let’s see how well you know one of my tracks,” he challenged.

”Alright, but you already have the advantage since it’s your own song,” Kenma shook his head, a small smile to himself as he picked up a nearby microphone. “ _Rival_ ” was the name of the song by Orange Blueberry. The lyrics soon appeared on the big screen in front of them, the two enjoying the song in different ways. Hinata would be jumping around, hyping up the song as the artist would. Kenma bopped his head lightly, getting into the groove of the rhythm as it went on. Even Bokuto was humming along.

Akaashi squinted his eyes as he looked into his glass of soda again. It wasn’t like looking into the glass would help him make out that image, but he couldn’t think of what else to do. Music... the thought of him trying to do it nade him cringe. If you can’t do something to the full extent, then there isn’t a reason to do it all, right? The thought of knowing that there’s more to do, but not being able to do such thing is so frustrating. It’s frustrating enough to cause such despair towards the thought of everyone progressing, while you are just stuck at step one, square one, lesson one-

“Hey, you’re going to break that glass.”

Bokuto gently took the glass away from Akaashi, placing it down on the table in front of them. Akaashi barely noticed how tense his fingers were. He flexed them, fiddling around with his fingers to release the tension from them. Bokuto looked down at his fingers, the back up at him, “Are you okay?”

Akaashi nodded, “Yeah. I was just thinking about something. It’s nothing to worry about,” he turned his head towards him, giving Bokuto a reassuring look. Bokuto’s eyes slightly narrowed, as if he didn’t believe what he said. Akaashi just waited for him to accept his words, but Bokuto was very unsure about them.

”Are you _really_ okay?“ Bokuto added some stress to his words, “If you aren’t, we can always go home. I don’t mind.”

”I’m fine,” Akaashi replied quickly, “Really... I’m fine.”

”Akaashi...”

”Koutarou, really. I’m fine,” he endlessly repeated, “I was just thinking about something, that’s all. Don’t worry, it wasn’t something serious or anything bothersome. I can talk about it later if you’re still worried.”

”Not unless you want to, but either way, if you do want to talk, I’m always here,” Bokuto leaned against him, tilting his head up to kiss him softly on the cheek, “You know that, right?”

”I know. I know.”

Everyone else sang for a while. Akaashi just watched as they did so. Hinata and Bokuto were the ones who went one for a long time. They would sing song after song, the endless stamina they had never running low after each session. Kenma was already out by the seventh song, catching his breath from all the hard choices the two made. 

Akaashi found his fingers to be tapping along to some of the songs. Particularly, the ones that belonged to Truly Neon. In certain parts, he could imagine the singer for the keyboard tapping his feet, rocking his head, dancing along the black and white keys... his own feet started to tap unconsciously. He had never met the keyboardist, and he had never seen a clear idea of who it was. They sounded so familiar though. It just sounded like...

Home.

-

After an hour or so, the four left the karaoke bar. While walking down the streets, Akaashi spotted one or two posters of the hottest bands in the current time. Orange Blueberry, Silver Lining, Truly Neon... all the posters had the faces of the group. Kuroo, Bokuto, and Oikawa had their faces plastered on soda cans to bottles of hair dye. They were everywhere...

How did it feel to see your face where you went? Overwhelming? Proud? Or was it just satisfaction at seeing that you’ve made it to the big scene? 

”Oh my god! Truly Neon and Orange Blueberry?”

”No way... oh my god, no way!”

It wasn’t a surprise to Akaashi that a few people would recognize those around him. It wasn’t that crowded as of now, so the artists didn’t expect to run into fans, especially after all the events and in a place that was pretty low profile. Despite that, the three singers gave their best smile as two girls came over to them. Akaashi immediately retreated to the back, allowing them to have space for interactions.

”Wah! I can’t believe I’m meeting the Bokuto Koutarou,” one of them gushed, “And you’re with Hinata too, ah!!”

The other girl pulled out a pocketbook and pen from her bag, “If we can please have your autographs, that would be amazing,” she smiled sweetly, “Our family loves your music!” 

Bokuto took the pocketbook from her, “Of course, it’s not everyday I hear that an entire family is a fan of us,” he grinned as he signed away. He opened the next clean page for Kenma, then he flipped to the next one for Hinata. Bokuto took it back from Hinata, handing it back to the girls. They gave a puzzled look as they flipped through the pages. One of them looked up at Bokuto sheepishly.

”Uhm... did the pen run out of ink?”

”Hm? No... I don’t think so. Why?”

”Because Akaashi didn’t sign,” she tilted her head to the side, glancing towards Akaashi in the back.

Akaashi’s eyes widened, “M-me?” he stuttered, “Oh... you must be mistaken. I’m no one special. I know the relationship slipped through as public, but I aren’t a celebrity or anything like that.”

”Wait... you aren’t a celebrity? Hey... you’re messing with us, right?”

”I have no reason to lie. I really am just an ordinary person.”

The girls fell silent. One of them whispered something to the other, the girl with the pocketbook clutching it tightly as the blood suddenly drained away from her face. She looked back at Bokuto, her mouth closing and opening as if she wanted to say something. Bokuto looked behind him, asking for them to wait a moment. He asked the girls to move to a place farther away from them. They talked from a distance, Bokuto’s hands gesturing up and down as he explained something. The girls simply nodded, stealing some looks towards them for a second. When they came back, the girls almost seemed to force a smile.

”Well... it was great meeting all of you,” the one with the pocketbook smiled, “I hope we can see you guys in concert... Orange Blueberry is going on tour soon, right?”

Hinata gave a thumbs up, “It’s been delayed because of certain events, but we’ll be on the road by the end of the month. I can’t wait to see you there!”

She smiled at him, saying her goodbyes after a few more words. She was already walking on, but who seemed to be her younger sister lingered.

Her eyes were locked on Akaashi. She crossed her arms, tilting her head to the side. Her stare was sharp enough to make someone think that she was dissecting Akaashi’s image. She sighed to herself, her arms relaxing from their crossed position.

”Akaashi, you better come back soon.”

”Excuse me?”

”You better come back soon,” she firmly told him, “I know it was hard for all of you, but your music is very comforting to thousands, even millions of people. It was worth it in a way right? All your hard work and all those wonderful memories? I’m sure you can’t forget about it that easily. I know you can’t,” she spoke with a passion, “It won’t be the same without you... so come back soon!”

She smiled brightly, a twinkle in her eyes appearing, “I want to **hear your voice** again!”

He saw another flashing image, but this one lingered for a while. 

_An outstretched hand, glistening with sweat. There was a muffled noise in the background. Bright lights moved up and down, the outstretched hand waiting for him to take it...._

The moment he blinked, the image disappeared. It was replaced with the girl who still smiled brightly at him, her hands curled into small fists as she shook them at him, a signal that could be interpreted as “fight on!”. She quickly ran after that, catching up with her older sister who was waiting for her at the corner of the street. The waved back at them as they crossed the street, soon leaving their field of vision after they turned a corner.

What was that...?

”Akaashi, you okay?” Kenma asked, looked over at him, “I guess some people just admire the partner of their favorite artists too... nothing wrong with that, right?”

Hinata smiled, “Right! I mean, Kageyama’s boyfriend isn’t in the industry, but lots of people respect him.”

Kenma shook his head, “Shouyou... Hoshiumi is a choreographer. Don’t you think that it kind of counts as him in the industry? 

”Eh? He’s not well known though... you know, since he doesn’t like interviews or any sort of news related things,” Hinata gestured around, “Besides... people know about their relationship, but they aren’t angry about it. A lot of people respect their boundaries and privacy! Of course... I guess that means that Hoshiumi is getting more exposure, so he is getting some more attention- ah whatever!” he shook his head, “My point Akaashi, is that people respect you and your relationship with Bokuto... that’s why they asked for your autograph...?”

His words died down as he suddenly became unsure of what he was talking about. Hinata went behind Kenma, murmuring a quick “sorry”. Akaashi told him that he had no reason to apologize, thanking him for his attempt at reassuring him. The four continued to walk back to their parking spot, which was pretty far away from the location they were at. Akaashi quietly thought to himself again as they went on. Those words...

_I want to hear your voice...._

Those words sounded awfully familiar.

* * *

November 13th, 2020

There was something bothering Akaashi and he knew it.

Bokuto watched as Akaashi separated each grain of rice from his bowl, blanking out as he pushed them from one end to another. The steam from his stew was already on it’s final breath, the last of the heat leaving from Akaashi not even touching it. Even the fizz from his cola was gone. Akaashi rarely picked at his food- in fact, he was a pretty hearty eater. He could eat a whole jumbo bento box of onigiri if he wanted to!

So... what was wrong?

“Keiji?”

”Hm?”

”Are you okay-“

He stabbed his chopsticks into the rice, “Again? How many times have you asked that this week alone?” Akaashi suddenly snapped, “I said it various times, and I’ll say it again- I’m fine. I’m fine, fine, fine. What makes you think that I am not? Huh?”

Bokuto started to sweat, “I-I just felt like something was off... you never take this long to eat... and a day or two ago you were so tense...”

”Everyone has their off days,” he continued to jab into the rice, “But I’m fine. There’s nothing to bother me, there’s nothing that is plaguing my mind... everything is okay.”

”Keiji, seriously... you know I can be here to listen to your-“

”How many more times do I have to say it?” his voice raised by a notch, “I’m okay, I’m alright, I’m fine! Get it through your thick skull!”

That calm surface cracked. Bokuto had never seen Akaashi break his character- no, that was a lie. It’s just been a really long time since he broke like this. All Bokuto could do was stare up at Akaashi, now standing up from his chair, a single chopsticks pointing at Bokuto. The hand holding it was shaking, Bokuto’s eyes trembling along with it. Akaashi... those soft features turned into hard ones. Bokuto swallowed thickly. 

Akaashi’s angered expression suddenly turned into one of horror. He dropped the chopstick, a clatter filling that period of silence. He dropped back into his chair, his hands over his mouth as he looked at Bokuto.

”Koutarou... I-I’m... I’m...”

Bokuto shook his head, “It’s okay. I guess whatever was on your mind really stressed you out if it made you feel like that... it’s my fault for pressing on.”

”No, no. It’s my fault,” he murmured softly, “I know I shouldn’t bottle my thoughts in, but it’s a bad habit I haven’t conquered yet. You just wanted to make sure I was okay... I should have accepted it, but what bothered me would probably just confuse both of us even more.”

”What do you mean?”

Akaashi hesitated for a second, but after a sigh, he told him, “There’s something... strange. About myself. I keep saying that I hate the idea of a music career... but every time I hear a song, my body acts in its own,” he looked down at his fingers, “I’m already playing the keyboard in my head. I’m already counting each beat down. Everyone around it feels... comfortable.”

Bokuto’s eyes widened slightly.

”But... I can’t sing. How does it feel that good? That feeling of being apart of a successful group... despite not being able to sing?” he asked, “It can’t be possible! A producer, sure... but a band member? Without a voice? I don’t think that can happen, but those images I’ve seen... an outstretched hand calling me to a stage... it’s telling me that I can. Another half of me tells me that I _can’t_ and- argh!”

His hands cringed in frustration, “I don’t get it. Am I supposed to be on a stage or not?”

Bokuto rushed to his side the moment he saw a tear slip by Akaashi’s eye. Oh... he was overthinking everything again. He would do this every so often, and it was always heartbreaking to see it result in tears. He sat in the chair next to Akaashi, turning the chair to face him. He pulled him in for an embrace, to which Akaashi didn’t move away from. Akaashi only allowed a few more drops to pass by, focusing on getting his breathing controlled. Bokuto patiently waited for the right time to talk. “Take your time”, “No need to rush”, all those things were murmured to him.

A few quiet moments later, Akaashi sighed again. He sighed once more, his head touching Bokuto’s chest and his hair brushing under Bokuto’s chin. Bokuto rested his chin on Akaashi head. He could feel his head pounding...

”We don’t have to talk about it anymore if you aren’t comfortable with it,” Bokuto gently reminded him.

”No... I can’t avoid it. I have to do something about it. I can still see that outstretched hand on that stage. I need to know what it was. And those words... “I want to hear your voice”. I need to know. I need to figure out what that was all about.”

” _I want to hear your voice...”_

Ah!

That’s it! That’s what will bring it back!

”Keiji?”

”Hm?”

”Do you want to go somewhere? I think I have an idea of what you’re talking about... but it’s better if I show you. We don’t have to- only if you want to go.”

“If it can solve this pain in my head, then let’s go.”

It had to be there. Why didn’t he think of it before? The place where he shined the most... the place where he truly saw Akaashi’s talent in all its glory for the first time... yes! It had to be there!

Time to go back. 

Back to _that_ place.

* * *

A venue?

Akaashi awkwardly stood on the floor level as he watched Bokuto rush from side stage to side stage. He was setting up microphones and plugging in the speakers. The entirety of the venue was empty. Bokuto must have asked the owner to lend it for a while. It was a small place, the smell of cigarette ashes hanging around with liquor. The place was dim... except for that stage. 

Blue and white. Those lights gently sweeper across the platform, sometimes hitting Bokuto’s skin while he fixed the cords. 

”Alright!” Bokuto held a microphone up, “It’s ready.”

”Ready...?”

”Yep. You are going to sing.”

”What?”

”It’s just me and you... let’s sing,” Bokuto grinned.”

Akaashi looked around. People popped up, the empty venue filling with all sorts of people. Their eyes... all of those eyes were staring at him. He could feel those eyes piercing through his skin, each pupil digging deeper into him. He could practically hear those crude remarks all over again... “ _you’ve got be be kidding me”, “just a pretty face”, “no voice, no future”_ \- 

The music suddenly pulled him out of that false reality.

”One, two, a one, two, go!” Bokuto shouted through the mic, the hitting of drumsticks being replaced with an upbeat arrangement. Bokuto shimmied around on stage, looking out into the empty venue as if the whole world was watching him.

This song...?

“ _They say I’m a dreamer, but let’s be real, I’d like to call myself an achiever,”_ Bokuto sang out, slowing down his movements as he took hold of the microphone, “ _You can talk, blah, blah, blah, you can whine wah, wah, wah! But if I’m being honest, and I make a promise, I’ll be the one to astonish this world! Because this is what I heard...”_

It sounded like a beginners song. Something someone would make when they first performed or when they prepped their first ever produced song...

” _They told me if I can’t make it till I break it, then what’s the point? But someone told me,”_ Bokuto playfully sang, taking steps every time the lights changed, “ _There is no other choice... where ever I go, whatever I see, this is who we’re meant to be! So come on-“_

He pointed to Akaashi.

_” **Let me hear your voice!”**_

The lights flashed into bright exploding colors. Akaashi felt a drumming against his head as he watched the lights swirl into each other, the music blending in with the ambiance of the area. He felt his eyes widen as a scene unfolded in front of him.

_He was backstage. What seemed to be a college concert was going on, the smell of beer mixing with that of sweaty students. They were getting into that sickly sweet tune, Bokuto jumping up and down to get the crowd riled up even more. Akaashi was clutching a microphone in his hand._

_That would be his first time performing an original song. In fact, it was going to be his first time performing in front of a crowd this big. He had grown confident in his singing..._

_Or so he thought.  
_

_Akaashi couldn’t seem to move forward. All he had to do was step onto the stage by the second verse. That’s all. Just one or two steps and he would be under those fluorescent lights.  
_

_He couldn’t move._

_There were so many people out there. Most them knew who he was... they knew that he had never sung in an environment like this. Sure, he finally got past class performances in a room with students, but to perform on a stage... did he really earn it? Several people would die for the chance to sing on stage, but Akaashi..._

_He was just someone who managed to squeeze into this industry._

_They were going to judge him. They were going to pick fun at him again. He wasn’t going to make it-_

_“Akaashi!”_

_He looked up at the voice._

_Bokuto had his hand extended towards him, his mouth away from the microphone, “It’s just me and you... you and me. C’mon. You deserve this more than anyone else!”_

_”_ **I want to hear your voice!** _”_

Pulled out of that past memory, Akaashi found himself at the stairs of the stage. He had walked there unconsciously when he heard those words. In front of him, that familiar image was painted in front of his eyes.

Bokuto held his hand out, a grin on his face, “Just me and you, Keiji. C’mon... I know you worked hard for this. Endless days of practice, sleepless nights of productions and vocal practices... you deserve this more than anyone else!”

Akaashi stared at that hand. 

His own reached out and took it.

Bokuto pulled him up on stage, letting go of his hand as he went to grab the other wireless microphone. Akaashi looked down at the ground floor, the emptiness slowly being filled with those imaginary people.

The crowd pulsed, brief pictures of signs and light sticks appearing. It all felt rather familiar...

”Catch!”

Akaashi looked over at Bokuto again, having a quick enough reaction time to catch the microphone that was tossed at him. He held it in his hand, turning the somewhat heavy device in his palm. A black microphone... the friend of any singer to amplify their voice across an entire stadium. Akaashi held it tightly as the song kept going on its instrumental break.

”There’s a monitor right there if you heed the lyrics, but... I think you have it in you to sing without looking,” Bokuto smiled as he pointed to the small screen in the floor.

”I know this song?”

”Of course... we made it together.”

Akaashi fully faced Bokuto in shock as he listened closely to the song. They produced this? Bokuto just grinned at him, holding up his microphone to his lips again, “I know you have it in you, Keiji. I want to hear that golden voice again, that song that you molded and built upon to become who you are today. I know the skill is in there... I can feel it! So trust yourself... because I know you can feel it too.”

Bokuto started to sing the first half of the second verse. Akaashi stared down at the monitor, his eyes going left and right as he read each lyric. He licked his lips when he saw the words light up in a different color. That was his cue... wasn’t it?

He breathed out shakily, holding the mic up to his mouth. One, two, one, two... he cleared his throat.

“ _Hear me out, this isn’t just a phase_ ,” he quietly started, stuck in that singing and talking voice, “ _One day, you’ll be looking for my praise, a compliment, a little supplement, from that so called dreamer, who did become the one and only achiever, standing on a stage with a crowd of thousands...”_

He slowly started to move away from the talking, singing more and more as he kept reading the lyrics. He found the rhythm, his foot tapping as he wen on, “ _Every single person will be shouting, howling, calling out our names to the world. Listen up! This is our place, our face, our time, our shine... we have no other choice, so come on out-“_

Akaashi looked over at Bokuto, a full and clear note coming out of him, “ _I want to hear your voice!”_

The images of current day and past times flashes in and out. He saw frames of Bokuto’s college self, smiling widely at him as he went out on stage in front of that college party. He saw frames of himself singing, his own lips curled into a smile as he sang, the crowd pumping their hands up as the two conquered that platform. Glistening sweat flew off of their foreheads as they danced to their own tune, enjoying the stage as their own playground. Those doubts were thrown out the window when he was up there...

” _There’s no other choice, I want to hear your voice!”  
_

He felt... free.

” _Yes! I want to hear you sing, I want to make this your song, because this is the path, there’s nothing wrong... with you and me, me and you, we are the ones on top of this system, in the stars it is written,”_ Bokuto sang, pointing to Akaashi to finish it up.

” _Pour your all, show your voice, this is the way... this is who will be standing on stage for the rest of eternity and for all days!”  
_

Akaashi leaned back with the microphone as he sang it out, his voice adjusting on its own to fit the arrangements. The lights swept over his face, each fluorescent color changing while memories flashed before him. He could hear the roar of crowds, the cheers of thousands, the echoes of the voices from band members ringing through his ear. In front of him, a keyboard appeared. 

And the whole world was watching as he poured his soul out onto his music.

The music in the venue died down as he moved the microphone away from his mouth, returning back to reality after that high thrill he felt. No... he didn’t just imagine it.

He had been through that high... several times. Akaashi could vividly see that crowd, those instruments, those lights... himself. He could see him standing on a platform bigger than what he was standing on right now. He had done this before. He did stand on a stage in front of the world.

Everything rushed back to him. The drumming on his head became louder as all of those achievements passed through him. He didn’t quit music... he just kept improving. He pulled ahead of the game, he signed into a company...

Akaashi gasped to himself.

”I... I did make it.”

Akaashi whipped around to Bokuto, “I did make it! I’m... I’m Akaashi Keiji, keyboardist for Truly Neon. I’m the keyboardist in the same band you’re in, and I did meet you in college, I got with you because of music... and I want to keep playing music with you. That’s what we promised to each other. Yes... that’s what I felt like was I was missing!”

Bokuto had the brightest smile Akaashi had ever seen, “You did it. You did make it big, just like you promised your dad you would. Akaashi... you’re back!”

He was swept up into an embrace, Bokuto lifting Akaashi’s feet off of the ground as he spun around in excitement. He laughed, hugging him so tightly as if they hadn’t seen each other in years. Akaashi felt laughter bubbling out of him as they spun and spun, the lights around them now pulsing every color of the rainbow to the sound of their joy. Bokuto let Akaashi down, now holding onto his hands as he tried to control his breathing again. That smile never wiped off of his face.

”You’re back... here’s Akaashi Keiji who has a golden voice and touch to music,” Bokuto breathed out, those twinkling eyes looking at him with such a look of awe and relief. 

”You must have been worried...”

”Of course I was. It’s scary to even think how I wouldn’t be able to hear you sing or play again! I mean... your song is addictive,” he playfully said, “If I had to live without that, it would be a rather empty performance. Especially if it was just me and the drums.”

”We said we would play together as a team eventually, right?” Akaashi looked down at their hands, “I like to keep my promises, you know that Koutarou.”

Bokuto grinned for the thousandth time that day, “Keiji!”

Akaashi felt a smile slip out as Bokuto pulled him in again. The lights around them danced as the song started to repeat itself again. Like changing weather, Akaashi’s clouded mind cleared out as he was reminded of what he could do.

He could conquer his problems.

Despite what everyone had told him before, he didn’t give up. He never did leave the road of music. Even if he had to sacrifice his time and his sleep schedule, he was determined enough to keep that promise to his father. He was determined enough to keep that promise to Bokuto. He was going to stand on a stage... he was going to let his name be known... he was going to sing without caring what others thought. He was going to live in the moment, swept away by the sound of his black and white keyboard and the screeching of guitars, the banging of drums... 

Not to mention, he didn’t have to be scared about hiding their relationship again. It was already out in the world, that positive response building up a strong foundation for that newfound confidence and raw energy. He could really be himself. He could really be... free.

He did it.

They did it.

Akaashi made it to a stage bigger than what he thought. They made it to the biggest stage anyone could ever imagine. To them...

The entire world was watching, and they would gladly perform on that stage any day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been long, school is starting up again and I’m working on a new story I’m particularly excited about. A lot has been going on, so please be patient!
> 
> I hope you guys are still reading :)


	34. Winter’s First Snowfall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter’s First Snowfall - Track 2  
> From: Sakusa Kiyoomi’s choreography tracks, Vol. 1  
> Instrumental track featuring Sakusa’s violin playing. 
> 
> Used: Sakusa’s first solo performance as an artist included his ending act being his violin piece, later dancing to it in other shows. Opening day was special for him.

November 27th, 2020.

He couldn’t sleep. At least in the past hour, he had been opening and closing his eyes, tossing around as he tried to rest, but it was no use. The right side of the bed was too empty... he had grown accustom to the warmth next to him, that he didn’t realize how much he needed it to fall asleep.

One in the morning. Sakusa couldn’t sleep. 

He sighed as he turned onto his side, looking over at the vacant spot next to him. Ushijima should have been there. That’s how he’s known this bed for the last few years. Ushijima always wanted to sleep on the right side, and contrary to people’s belief, he was a cuddle kind of person. Sakusa, not very good with affection gestures in the first place, would try to object to it at the start of their dating and married days, but he eventually accepted it. The moment his body hit the bed, Ushijima’s arms would already be pulling him into that warmth. 

It was pleasant, he had admitted to himself. Feeling a soft tickle on his neck or hearing a slowed down heartbeat. After long, stressful days of work, Sakusa found it hard to sleep. However, whenever he heard that rhythmic heartbeat, he would find himself falling into the lull of sleep.

And with these stress inducing days, jumbling thoughts kept him up all night. His orderly sleep schedule of seven to eight hours was in ruins.

Ushijima really didn’t remember anything they had. Almost two months... yet he still didn’t remember. 

It was a rather peculiar experience. When he brought Ushijima home, there was confusion written all over his face. He immediately started to ask several questions: “ _May I ask why we live together_ _?”, “We share a room and closet?”, “What are the meanings behind all these pictures?”_ , and the one that made a cut right into his heart...

” _You bear a wedding ring... so where is your spouse?”_

He had to resist the urge to tell him right there. Sakusa knew that he had to take his time with this. He couldn’t just rush into trying to recover those memories, especially since it was a long line of them. As weeks went on, he tried to bring up past events. He tried to show items, pictures, and all sorts of things that could have sparked a memory.

Nothing.

Ushijims just started to distant himself even more. He left before Sakusa for work. He rarely ate a meal with him. He moved all of his belongings into the guest room. At this point, he classified himself as a “roommate”. It felt like the very beginning when they started to work together: minding each other’s lives, only being together when necessary...

He hated it.

Sakusa clutched the blanket that was pulled over him. He glanced up at the clock: one in the morning. He should be sleeping soundly, not adding onto his already darkening eye bags. Sakusa kept sighing as he tossed around, desperately trying to find sleep, but it was no use. In defeat, he stared blankly at his hands, his eyes fixed on the ring on his left hand. His thumb swept over it, a few bits of fuzz from the sheets coming off.

It was so quiet.

And strangely enough... something felt off.

Sakusa got his heavy body out of bed, putting on his slippers as he walked out into the hallway. He glanced around the dark house, only a bit of nightlight from the windows providing some sort of illumination. Hm... he could have sworn he heard something. As he walked down the hall, his felt something get caught in his throat. The guest room...

The door was wide open.

Ushijima liked to sleep with the door closed. He would never sleep with an open door. Unless...

He sharply inhaled as he peeked into the room. 

The sheets were neatly tucked into place, and the pillows were even properly propped against the backboard. Sakusa glanced back at the bathroom door. No... it was also open. Could it be...?

Sakuss practically ran into the room, his hands reaching out for the closet door. He swung it open, hoping to at least see the racks filled with his clothes. A horrid gasp escaped out of him.

It was...empty.

And the suitcases that they stored there were also missing.

”No... no, no, no he didn’t,” he mumbled to himself as he ran out of the room, his slippers flying off as he sprinted down the hall. His eyes darted to the doormat and coat hanger. Gone... his jacket and shoes were gone! Sakusa didn’t even take the time to put on his other shoes or coat. He ran out the threshold, the cold air sending chills up his arms as he went down the steps. Sakusa suddenly screeched to a halt as he was met with what he really didn’t want to see.

Ushijima was in the driveway, one suitcase by his side while the other was already being pushed into the trunk of one of their cars. As he looked up from the trunk, the olive eyes drifted towards Sakusa’s direction. Still cold as ever. Sakusa shook his head softly as he slowly approached him.

”You’re... leaving?”

Ushijima nodded, “I would only be an inconvenience to you. We both have high enough wages to own our proper home and to sustain ourselves. Two adults at almost thirty still living together? I’m sure you find this rather strange too. Not to mention...”

He placed the other suitcase in the trunk, “I highly doubt that your spouse would be pleased to see me in your home. Another man with their husband? Wouldn’t you be angered or upset at the sight of that?”

Sakusa rubbed his cold arms, “But...”

”There is no “but” for this conversation. Do you want to be seen as someone who likes to have affairs? I expected better from you, Sakusa.”

”You’re my husband.”

He had waited long enough. He couldn’t take it anymore... maybe getting right to the point would bring it back.

”Excuse me?”

”You’re my husband... why don’t you understand?” Sakusa started to lose it, his eyes shaking as he looked at Ushijima, “I showed you everything! Our wedding pictures, the bachelor parties, the tuxedos, the invitations, even the certificate! You still don’t believe me though... why? Why, why, why, why?!”

Sakusa reached out for Ushijima’s hand, holding it up to his own left hand, “We even have the same rings... and these are custom made. You can’t forget that... so why won’t you believe me? We are married, and this is our home. _Ours_. You lived here, we live here because we chose to stay together till death. Don’t... don’t you remember any of that?”

Ushijima slipped his hand away from Sakusa’s. He looked at him up and down, those cold eyes never wavering from its stoic expression. Sakusa waited for him to say something, anything. 

”Perhaps we went through a divorce.”

A lump caught itself on Sakusa’s throat, “Wh-what?”

Ushijima closed the lid of the trunk, “If I think about this logically, wouldn’t that make up for why I can’t remember? Or why I might have chosen _not_ to remember? It is a possibility that we went through a divorce, one that was terrible enough to cause some sort of pain that brought me to this conclusion. Simply put, my mind tried to protect me by forgetting everything about that person to prevent from painful emotions to resurface. In this case, that person would be you, Sakusa.”

”N-no... no-“

”Was it my fault or yours? From the way you act... it seems as if you’re desperate to make me stay. Are you the one who caused this fault?” he asked, each word striking like an arrow, “The more I think about it, the more complex it gets. Why would I marry someone... who I never manifested feelings for? That doesn’t make sense in itself. If I married someone without the feelings being mutual, both sides would be unhappy. A life like that would be miserable... that could be another reasoning towards a divorce.”

The words wouldn’t come out. 

How... how could he say that? How did those words flow out so easily? A divorce? That didn’t make any sense... none of this made any sense. Sakusa tried to swallow the lump that clogged his throat, but it kept coming back up. He only watched as Ushijima brushed past him, already heading for the driver’s seat. He must have tried to leave this early to not be an inconvenience...

No.

No. He couldn’t give up so easily... he couldn’t let him go.. not like this. Not like this!

Sakusa looked at Ushijima’s back as he looked for his car keys. Fighting back his clogged throat and choked tears, Sakusa walked to him, his bare feet numb to the cold concrete. A trembling sigh came out of him as he looped his arms around Ushijima’s waist from behind, pressing his head near the base of his neck. His grip tightened around Ushijima slightly, taking in all the warmth he could while he was still there. 

Ushijima didn’t move, he didn’t push him off. He just stood there. Sakusa stared down at the jacket his head was against, trying to collect himself before he said anything.

He couldn’t even do that.

”Don’t leave... please don’t leave,” he barely whispered, heavy sobs preventing him from speaking loud and clearly, “I can’t... I can’t be alone again. Please don’t leave me alone.. I don’t want to be alone...”

The last few words were barely squeaks, his mouth filled with broken cries and burning with anguish. He felt heat rise to his face from all of it, hot tears flowing down his face. Ushijima didn’t respond to any of it. It was almost like he was frozen.

That is until he started to do something. Sakusa felt Ushijima moving his arms, and after a moment, he pushed Sakusa’s arms away from his waist. Sakusa could only look down, his arms immediately feeling cold all over again. He zipped his mouth shut, forcing down anymore sobs into his chest. Ushijima reached for his hand, opening Sakusa’s curled fist to make his palm flat. He then dropped something into his hand.

His wedding ring.

Sakusa’s eyes moved towards Ushijima’s hand. It was red where the ring was, think lines indicating how long he wore it. Sakusa looked up at him, more globs of tears dripping down. Through blurry sight, he saw Ushijima only nod at him.

”I hope you can find someone who can make you truly happy.”

That was the last thing he said before he left. Ushijima left him there standing as he entered the car, leaving after a moment of two. He watched as the car left the driveway, down the street, and then...

Gone.

Numb.

He couldn’t feel anything. 

Sakusa backed up as he looked at the empty driveway, small rocks digging underneath his bare feet and threatening to pierce the seal of his skin. He couldn’t find it in himself to care. He kept walking back until he bumped into the staircase, to which he collapsed onto one of the steps. His skin was all pink and red from how cold it was outside. The breeze bit his skin, but he didn’t even flinched at it. His hand only held onto the ring tightly as he sat there, the shock not allowing him to register what had just happened.

And then, something fell onto the fist that held the ring.

A snowflake. 

He looked up at the seemingly clear night sky, distant clouds bringing in the first snowfall of the season. Sakusa’s eyes aimlessly followed flurries of snow that drifted down to him, melting away the moment they touched his skin. In midst of twinkling stars, snowflakes and flurries danced across the sky, each one take its sweet time to fall onto the ground. He only then realized that it was indeed winter... how strange. It never came this early.

Ushijima proposed time him on the first snow fall of that year. He caught him by surprise too...

Ah.

Was this signaling an end to the beginning? No... even the world couldn’t be that cruel to them, right?

”Right?” he asked out loud as he looked up at the falling white dots, a few gently kissing his forehead before disappearing. He felt a few more tears slip by, but some stuck to his face. Was it really that cold for them to freeze?

He forced himself to stand up, slipping Ushijima’s ring on the finger it would fit. He slowly walked into his home, the emptiness being more prominent as he made his way through the night-lit halls. Sakusa found himself in the guest room, sitting on the bed and taking some tissue from the nearby nightstand to wipe off dirt from the pads of his feet. As he finished that up, he looked into the lonely closet once more. His eyes drifted to the floor of the wardrobe.

A purple hoodie.

He tossed the tissue into a small wastebasket, dragging himself up to take a closer look. He knelt down, swooping up the hoodie. It must have been left behind by accident...

He felt the tears starting to form again. Sakusa bit his lip as he held the hoodie, bringing it close to his chest. There was that lingering smell of Downy and linen. Underneath, it was the scent of a forest after a light shower. Refreshing. Soothing. His favorite cologne. Sakusa always took this particular sweater from Ushijima. This worn out sweater from the last years of their duo work, and before starting the position as directors. This worn out, purple Adidas hoodie.

He put it on. The house had never felt so cold before. 

Although it wasn’t fresh from the dryer, it immediately heated up his chilling arms. It fit loosely around the shoulders... Ushijima’s were wider than his. He sighed as he dragged himself back to the bed, throwing himself over the neatly done sheets. Sakusa brought his hands to his face, his mind finally registering everything that had happened in those few minutes.

He was gone.

He didn’t remember.

And he didn’t care about what happened to them.

”Stop... stop, this is just a really bad nightmare,” Sakusa mumbled to himself, “You never liked company when you were younger... it’s just like back then. You’ll be fine being alone for a while. He’s not gone forever, right?”

Silence.

”Right?”

Silence.

”Hey... why aren’t you even reassuring yourself?” he tapped his head, his vision wavering, “You know him. He would never abandon someone. It’s still Wakatoshi. He looks the same, he just thinks differently now. He’s just reverted back to his past self... the blunt, brutally honest, hard to read... Ushijima Wakatoshi.”

He covered his eyes with his arm. His face broke down into an ugly frown as he tried to hold it back. Sakusa’s chest hitched up the moment his lips parted slightly, a sudden cry escaping. He moved his arm to to cover his mouth, muffling each choked sound that rushed out. Squeezing his eyes tightly, he turned onto his side, facing away from the ceiling. He curled himself up as he tried to stop. There was no use in crying... it wouldn’t bring everything back.

Yet, his entire body kept screaming in agony.

The long night went on. On occasions, a loud sob would be heard from the guest room. The sleeves of that purple hoodie were soaked with salty tears, his eyes swollen around the edges from each prickling drop. All he could do was curl up in that fetal position, barely holding a part of himself together while the rest fell to pieces.

It had been so long since his own quiet sobs and shaky breath had exhausted him into sleep.

* * *

Ushijima has had share of awkward encounters, but this... was a little too tense.

It had been a week since he had moved out of Sakusa’s residential home. It is true that he could have stayed. However, judging by the situation and possible past they may have had, it would be best for them to be living separate. If he really thought on it, it would be awkward to live with your supposed ex-husband. Fights could break out and the pain that had been shunned away would slither up again. It had already happened to Sakusa. He seemed to be in great denial ever since they got back from the hospital.

Or maybe he _still_ was in denial.

They still worked at the same place. With the company spiraling down to its doom, Ushijima and Sakusa had been reviewing the best candidates to join hands with. They narrowed it down to a handful, and all they had to do was conduct interviews, discuss negotiations and funds, and the profits towards their artists and the company itself. It was going smoothly.

Until they got back to Viper Entertainment.

Sakusa would immediately separate himself, reasoning that they should be reviewing on their own due to the different purposes they served. While on some terms it made sense, Ushijima believed that it would be easier to go over the material together. After all, they were now the main heads of the board with Daishou gone. Daishou Suguru... 

He knew they had a part in taking him out, but he couldn’t put his finger on it exactly. It was the Alpha Pill on one part, but for some reason, he felt like there should have been more toward the story.

“Well, mistreatment practically covers the rest up,” he murmured to himself as he shuffled papers around. He had already finished his personal review for the day, so it was about time to head home. Ushijima had found a small apartment near the same area of the company, so it was convenient for him to come and go. He slipped some folders into his briefcase, taking his things and walking out of his office. He just had to pickup his lunchbox from the break room fridge and then he would be on his way.

He was used to eyes being on him. However, there was something different in each pair of the employee’s eyes. There was the normal polite look, but then there was a piercing gaze, a look of curiosity, a questioning glance... and some sudden desire..?

Ushijima shook it off as he walked into the break room, heading straight for the refrigerator. There were only two other employees, but they didn’t notice him for they were facing away from him and the door. He picked up his lunchbox, about to duck away from the refrigerator when he overheard their conversation.

”Man... did you hear about Sakusa?”

”He’s in ruins. I tried to go to his office the other day to discuss plans for Silver Lining, and there were tissues everywhere. I’ve never seen him cry.”

”Tissues everywhere? That’s not like him... you know how he is about cleanliness and all that. What happened?”

”I don’t know. A lot of people think that they’ve divorced. I don’t think it’s that though. Remember what the news said?”

”Yeah. Well... we’ll see what’ll happen. It better get fixed before the people try to jump on them. Some girls are already calling dibs on them.”

”Seriously?! Geez... must be desperate to hit on married men. Either that or they _really_ want a raise or promotion.”

”Haha! I wouldn’t be surprised. Let’s go, we have some paperwork to finish up.”

The two employees left, still not noticing Ushijima behind the refrigerator. He finally stood away from the refrigerator, closing the door with one hand and his lunchbox in the other. 

So... they were together. He only thought of it as a possibility, but it seemed to be true. It was a divorce then. It was the only explanation that made some sort of sense. Unless they took a long-term break, he couldn’t think of any other reason. He remembered reading in an advertisement that the mind has the ability to suppress memories on their own if it is that harmful for the emotional state. Of course, they would come up every once in a while, but they would still be tucked away. Just hidden for a while, or a blurred image in the back of the mind.

He really couldn’t remember anything about being with Sakusa. There was their days of being partnered, their duets, and their songs, but there was nothing special. It was literally “business partners” only through his eyes. Sakusa however... he had everything of their supposed bond. 

Ushijima presses his lips into a thin line. Perhaps he should ask around... but to his recollection?

There was nothing between them any longer.

* * *

_A FEW YEARS AGO..._

_He had known Sakusa for most of his life. Considering the fact that his mother made him, Komori had made somewhat of a friendship with his cousin. They hadn’t talked much before, especially since Sakusa kept to himself. Nevertheless, Sakusa still kept things to himself. He was a singer, so it was natural for him to want some privacy. In fact, Komori wasn’t aware if Sakusa had a relationship of some sort.  
_

_Yet, here he was. Chime, a small shop for all things related to weddings. A wedding. Sakusa was getting married. Komori stayed away from things like tabloids and gossip magazines, so he had never read about the relationship of Sakusa Kiyoomi and Ushijima Wakatoshi. Two star dancers and singers falling in love through their company. It sounded like something out of a book. He had no idea how Sakusa felt about it though..._

_He never talked about it._

_”Alright, here’s the white suit.”_

_Komori looked up. Sakusa was trying on suits for his big day. The couple were going the traditional way of “can’t look at each other’s outfits until the day”. It was just Komori. Semi and Shirabu were there earlier, but they had left to check on Ushijima. They had gone through red, blue, yellow, olive, and even a purple set of clothes. They had left white for last.  
_

_The woman operating the place opened the curtain. Komori watched as Sakusa’s face appeared, his eyebrows crinkling out of nervousness. Sakusa gestured slightly to himself after he was completely revealed._

_A pearl white suit with the most beautiful accents he had ever seen. There were hints of black and gold around the edge. A two piece brooch adorned the collar with silver chains falling down on the shirt. He wore a very thin black tie. Sakusa fiddled with the cuffs, his waves of hair falling all over his face._

_”So...? How is it?” Sakusa finally spoke as he shifted from side to side._

_”Did you look in the mirror yet?” Komori asked. Sakusa shook his head._

_Komori nodded to the mirror behind Sakusa, “See for yourself.  
_

_He watched as Sakusa hesitated to turn around. His eyes were glued to the floor, and slowly he met his own eyes in the mirror. Komori furrowed his eyebrows as he watched his back shake up and down. He got up, thinking that something had happened-_

_Komori relaxed as he heard something. The chiming a soft laughter. He chuckled as he watched Sakusa spin around once, his hands hanging on to the jacket as he did so. There was a bright smile on his face, and a small twinkle in his eye as he looked at himself in the mirror._

_It was rare to see Sakusa like that. Even his aunt had said how Sakusa wasn’t much for expressing emotions, but she was wrong. There had been a flurry of feelings across Sakusa’s face when he was planning his wedding. Ushijima really did help him open up._

_Komori walked up to the small platform Sakusa was on, “Maybe a few clips to keep your hair back would be nice. I thought you would pick this one.”_

_”The yellow was nice too.”_

_”You and your neon yellow,” Komori scoffed, “I get it that you like the color, but I don’t think you’d want to look like a highlighter. Unless you do?”_

_”I’m just saying, it’s a nice color for any other day,” Sakusa rolled his eyes, the hint of a smile still drawn on his face, “This though... it’s perfect.”_

_Komori nudged Sakusa with his elbow, “Excited to walk down that aisle?”_

_Sakusa slid his fingers down the sides of the suit, “You know... I never thought this would happen,” he said out of the blue, “I mean it. I didn’t think that this kind of day would come for me. According to anyone else, I’m stingy, inexpressive, cold, or just a flat out asshole. No one thought this would come. It’s happening though. It’s happening...”_

_Another bright smile appeared, his eyes a little shiny, “I’m getting married,” he whispered to himself, “I’m getting married.”_

_Komori patted Sakusa’s shoulder, “It’s finally hit ya, huh? I heard that happens a lot to the couple. It just feels like an out of body experience,” he straightened the back of the collar, “Hey, you two have the right to feel this way though. I’m sure you’ll live a happy life.”_

_”I know.”  
_

_He said it with such fondness that Komori felt like he would vomit. Whenever he talked about Ushijima there would be a tenderness in his voice. Another rare thing to see from him. Being with Ushijima had helped him express himself more, and he had even been improving on bad habits. He had heard from the others that Ushijima was also getting better at his struggles. They helped each other, they healed each other... they really did sound like a perfect couple._

_Komori smiled to himself, “Still, Ushijima is going to have to support your clean freak self. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’d get a mesh face mask for your suit,” he joked._

_”Those exist?” Sakusa asked. Komori glances at him, that familiar twinkle in his eye._

_”...Seriously?” Komori chuckled, “Sakusa, I never thought I would have to hear, ‘you may now remove the groom’s face mask’, at your wedding. Don’t do it.”_

_”Hm...”_

_”Sakusa, no.”_

_”My wedding, my choices.”_

_“Your parents are going to blame me for this and I’ll have to hear it till I die.”_

_”It’s a great idea though.”_

_Komori sighed. He simply shook his head, a smile still on his face as he saw a changed person in front of him. He was proud to an extent. Sakusa Kiyoomi was getting married and learning how to enjoy the things in life. So..._

_”You do what you want. After all, it’s your big day. Have fun with it.”_

* * *

December 15th, 2020.

Komori remembered the wedding vividly, considering that he was in charge of filming the night. No, Sakusa didn’t wear a mesh face mask, but he had bought one out of curiosity. He didn’t like it in the end, but he did buy the white suit with the little accents it had. Ushijima wore a really deep purple velvet suit. It almost looked black, but in the light you could see the purple. It was a lovely night. Everyone enjoyed their time there.

So...why?

Why did this have to happen?

Komori took the earliest bullet train to Tokyo when he heard the news. _Ushijima Wakatoshi among injured in scandal with Viper Entertainment._ He knew that Sakusa wouldn’t be alright, but it was worse than he thought. Shirabu had called him, telling him that Ushijima had lost his memories of his relationship with Sakusa... and that he had moved out of the house. 

He knew right then. Sakusa was not okay. There was always one thing that Sakusa had told him when he talked about Ushijima....

” _Whenever I’m with him, I don’t feel so alone anymore._ ”

He hated crowds and hated being around too many people, but when he was with Ushijima, Sakusa would forget about that for a moment. He started to hate being alone at home... 

And that’s how Komori ended up at the front door of the Ushijima Residence. He looked at the people on his sides, then back at the door in front of him.

”You got the food?” he asked.

Shirabu held up a bag, “Check.”

”Key?”

Semi pulled the key out of his pocket, “We have spares since Satori likes to visit them by surprise. Check.”

”Good. I got tissues and something else,” Komori gestured to a case he was holding, “Let’s hope that he’s doing better than we expected.” 

Semi stepped closer to the door, sticking the key into the lock and turning it. It clicked open. Komori reached out with his free hand, turning the knob and pushing the door open. They took their shoes off, cautiously walking further into the living room. 

It was a mess.

Komori looked around, seeing his jackets on the floor, papers scattered all over the tables, and he had barely realized that Sakusa’s shoes weren’t in front of the threshold. In the kitchen, there were only a few unwashed dishes. He checked the fridge, noticing how the only things in there were very old leftovers or takeout. 

”Sakusa would never leave things like this,” Shirabu mumbled as he picked up the jackets off of the floor, “At least the kitchen isn’t as bad.”

”Yeah, but have you seen his room?” 

Komori and Shirabu looked over at the hallways leading to the rooms. Semi was standing at the frame of the master bedroom, his arms crossed as he looked from left to right. Komori walked over to him, and looked over his shoulder to see what he was talking about.

A mess.

The bed wasn’t tended, there were empty boxes of all sorts in the corners, clothes were off of the hangers, and the floor had some sort of crumbs laying around. The decor was askew on the walls, and the lampshades were crooked.

”Geez... it’s only been two weeks! At this rate, it’ll get worse by the third,” Komori sighed heavily.

”Oh, that’s not all,” Semi huffed as he entered the room. He walked over to one of the piles of boxes, “Did you look at the writing on here?”

Komori placed the case he had down near the door frame, narrowing his eyes at the website address, “Isn’t that an online pet shop?”

Semi raised his eyes brows, implying something to the boxes, “And?”

”He didn’t.”

”Oh I think he did.”

”No. He wouldn’t. It’s been two weeks... I don’t think he would have made such a sudden decision like that.”

”Komori, his husband left him. His first love, his everything, and the one who change his life left him because he didn’t remember all their years together. Do you think he has a clear mind right now?”

Komori sighed. That was all true. He must have felt like he couldn’t talk to the other because they were Ushijima’s friends. If he was feeling alone, he would have done something like that in his situation. 

He left the room. Assuming that Sakusa was home, he would be in the guest room or the backyard. Komori went to the guest room, and he knocked on the closed door softly.

”Sakusa? You in there?”

Silence.

”It’s me, Komori. I’m going in, so don’t be alarmed, alright?”

Silence.

Komori turned the door knob, pushing the door open. Compared to the rest of the house, the guest room was spotless. Everything was in its place. His eyes drifted across the floor, spotting the items that had probably come from the boxes. A large crate, two bowls, a chew toy, and a pet bed. He looked up towards the bed, tilting his head at something he never thought he would see.

Sakusa was half-awake, wearing Ushijima’s purple hoodie, which seemed to be freshly washed. He didn’t bother looking towards Komori. Instead, his eyes were focused down on what was next to him. A dog. A full grown German Shepard. It was probably a shelter dog, but he remembered that Sakusa said he would never get a pet. “Too messy”, “too energetic”, or “too much trouble” is what he would always said. 

”Sakusa...”

”Don’t say anything,” he muttered, completely avoiding eye contact, “I’ve been going to shelter because I thought it’d make me feel better, and this guy had been there every time I went-“

”What’s his name?”

”... Hiro.”

”I’m sure you’ll be responsible of him considering everything that was in the other room. I guess you already looked up how to take care of these kinds of dogs?”

”Yeah...”

”Got a vet?”

”Appointment tomorrow.”

Komori sighed softly, “I thought you said you never wanted a pet though. I could see you with fish, but a dog was the last thing you said you wanted because of the possible mess.” 

”Wakatoshi wanted a dog.”

They fell silent for a moment. Sakusa patted the sleeping dog, still refusing to look at Komori. He shook his head slightly, “He always said he wanted a dog. He didn’t care if it was purebred or a mutt, full grown or a puppy... he really wanted a dog. I said no for all the reasons you listed,” he quietly spoke, “Before and after his parents divorced, he wasn’t allow or couldn’t have pets, so he thought that he would finally be able to have one. I had never seen him so disappointed...”

Sakusa glanced towards the direction of the backyard, “Instead, he collected plants. He likes to garden, so he filled our backyard with all the flowers he could. Even in the kitchen and office there are mini succulent terrains. I don’t think the idea of having a dog ever left him though... he just placed my happiness before his.”

Sakusa finally looked at him. Only then could he see how swollen and red the edges of his eyes were. Sakusa’s face started to crinkle, but he tried not to show anything more. 

”If I could have done more I would have. I shouldn’t have taken all of that for granted,” his voice wavered. The words struggled to get out, “There is so much that I could have done...”

Komori and the others went up to him when he started to crumble down. They sat around the bed, comforting Sakusa as he continued to fight back tears. They listened to everything he had to say. Komori pulled out the tissues he still had in his pockets and handed them to Sakusa.

”I should’ve taken his morning kisses even if he had morning breath,” he took a tissue out of the packet, “I should have insisted on taking more of his paperwork so that he wouldn’t have to stay up so late. I should have listened to him when he told me to take the pills because even if they were bad, he wouldn’t have to deal with all the nauseating things that happened to me for not taking them. I should have been a better-“

”Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” the three interrupted him.

Sakusa shifted around to look at them. They all had their arms crossed, shaking their heads at what he was about to say. Komori looked at him, “No one is perfect, but I’m sure as hell that you two are the closest to the ideal couple.”

“I mean you guys have the most sickeningly sweet love story,” Semi added on, “And you guys are still loving towards each other when most couples drop the “honeymoon” phase by the first year.” 

Shirabu chimed in, “You guys would be the definition of “soulmates”. Two peas in a pod. Perfect fit. Both opposites but similar. You are not a terrible husband, and none of this is your fault. It’s not his fault either.”

“It’s weird to hear you say something so cheesy,” Sakusa looked at Shirabu, “I thought for a second you’d give me a lecture or something.”

Shirabu rolled his eyes, “Don’t change the subject.”

Komori looked at Sakusa while Semi and Shirabu tried their best to comfort him. He thought on what to say, but everything was covered up by the upsetting image of Sakusa. To think that someone so healthy, orderly, and happy-even if he didn’t show it- was completely ruined in the span of a few months and days. He would even say that he felt terrible for him...

Sakusa hated to be pitied. 

Despite that knowledge, he still couldn’t help but to be concerned over him. There was exhaustion all over him, and most of the house was a mess. He must have been struggling at work as well. What could he say? What would help him?

“He’s not going to leave that easily,” Komori spoke up, “Years of memories may have disappeared, but it’s temporary. If we’re being frank, who knows when will they come back. He’s not gone though... he’ll come back to you. You understand that, right?”

Sakusa nodded slightly, “I know that but... it’s not easy just to take that in right away. He sounded so different, he felt different... like someone who became a stranger. I just-... just don’t know what to do,” he sighed, “If I couldn’t bring back anything, then it must be a memory only he has. How can he return to his own memories when half of them are altered or gone?”

Sakusa shook his head over and over again, “This is too much...”

None of them knew how to respond to Sakusa’s question. Komori couldn’t think of what to say... all they could do was wait. Sakusa seemed rather stressed though. He most likely lost some motivation to dance, and that was one of his comfort activities. What else-

Ah! Right, that’s why he brought it.

Komori got up, going back to the master bedroom. He picked up the case he had left there, bringing it into the guest room. Komori sat again on the bed, placing the case on his lap. He looked back at Sakusa, who now had his eyes on the case.

”Is that...?”

Komori nodded, “You said your old one was in bad condition, so I brought a new one,” he flipped the clasps up, unlocking it, “I know you played it for fun, but you seemed to be into it whenever I saw you with it. I don’t know if you’re relieving your stress healthily, so this is one way to do that. Play to your hearts content.”

He carefully picked up the instrument, holding it up to Sakusa, who was now sitting up. Komori smiled and gestured towards it. There was recognition in Sakusa’s eyes, as if he was meeting with an old friend again. His hands reached out to it, careful not to disturb the dog’s sleep while he brought it to himself. His fingers touched the mahogany colored wood. He held his hand out for the bow of the instrument. Sakusa already wanted to play.

That’s good. Even if it would only help for a while, Sakusa had to distract himself from this situation. All they could do was wait.

Ushijima was the only one who could bring them back together. 

* * *

_A FEW YEARS AGO..._

_”Wakatoshi you look sharp!”_

_Tendou clapped as he looked at Ushijima in the purple velvet suit. His best friend was finally going to get married. While Sakusa was over at Chime, they were at “Cheers!” a different shop under the same designer. Considering that they were going to have a wedding during the winter, a velvet suit just seemed perfect for the occasion. A little handkerchief in the chest pocket, a small chain hanging from the other pockets, and a thin deep violet tie completed the look. It all went well with his white shirt.  
_

_Semi have a small whistle of approval, “Oh yeah. That’s definitely the one. It’s a little hard to tend to, but hey, people need to go big or go home in their wedding days.”_

_Tendou grinned at Semi, “Does that mean I can wear anything at ours?”_

_His boyfriend (as of now) rolled his eyes playfully, “We aren’t doing a pajama party themed wedding. Bachelor party? Sure. The wedding? Out of the question.”_

_Ushijima shrugged at the idea, “It would be rather comfortable. I don’t think it’s such a bad idea considering how long the wedding and after party could be-“_

_”Don’t encourage him Wakatoshi,” Semi held up his finger to stop him. Tendou smiled at the lighthearted moment. He turned around to see what Shirabu thought of it, but the man seemed to be drifting off into his own world._

_”Shirabu, are you thinking of Goshiki in a suit now?” Tendou teased. Shirabu’s face suddenly turned into a shade of red. Flustered by the sudden comment, Shirabu stuttered as he tried to make a sentence.  
_

_”N-no! It’s not- I mean- wait-!,” he finally recollected himself, “This isn’t about us today, remember? We’re here to support our friend. We’re here to help him plan what may be the best day of his life. Isn’t that a little more important than our relationships-“_

_”I don’t mind,” Ushijima cut off as he looked into the mirror, adjusting the cuff links on his sleeve, “You all have always listened to me when I talked about Kiyoomi. I’m more than happy to hear you talk about your relationship with Goshiki, Shirabu.”_

_Shirabu sighed at his failed attempt to change the subject, “That’s not what I meant...”  
_

_Tendou helped him out on changing the subject, “Speaking about our other halves, how’s Omi-Omi doing? You two went with him first, right?” he looked at Semi and Shirabu._

_Semi crossed his arms, “He was still trying on suits when we left. I swear he tried on every color in the spectrum.”_

_”I really wouldn’t be surprised if he picked the eye-straining yellow,” Shirabu chuckled, “It’ll be easy to spot him at least. Yellow and purple go together too.... but I don’t think Komori would let him get away with it.”_

_A chuckle came out of Ushijima. He covered it by placing his finger on his lips, but they could still see his endearing smile. Ushijima shook his head to himself, “He joked about that. There is a surprising amount of yellow in his wardrobe, so he told me, ‘why not add a suit?’.”_

_He sighed softly to himself, still fiddling around with the adornments on the tuxedo. They all looked at him with a smirk or a cheeky smile. When he finally turned to look at them, Ushijima raised an eyebrow._

_”Is something wrong?” he asked, “Why are all of you looking at me like that?”_

_Tendou pointed at him with a finger gun, “Wakatoshi’s lovey dovey jumped out!”  
_

_“Please don’t say it like that,” Shirabu shook his head, but the smirk still stayed on his face, “Though... you’ve been opening up to your softer side more often. You rarely smiled and laughed before, but looks like that’s been changing.”_

_Semi nodded in agreement, “Same goes for Sakusa. You two are just head over heels for each other. Even if you won’t admit it because it sounds corny, it’s true,” he flashed a grin, “Head over heels.”_

_A breath-like laugh game out through his nose. Ushijima was still smiling softly, “Then... I admit it. Why else would I be marrying him if I wasn’t ‘head over heels’ for him?”  
_

_The all rolled their eyes at how cheesy it was, but Tendou really couldn’t stop smiling. He was so glad that Ushijima found someone so special to him. He had been lucky to see Ushijima’s relationship grow up to this point. It was great to see him improve on aspects of himself, to see him be more open, and to see him happy. It felt good for all of them._

_He couldn’t wait to see where their relationship would go._

* * *

“You’re serious?”

” _Yes! Satori, he has a dog now, the house is a mess, and he’s... not okay. If you saw his face you would have known right away._ ” 

Tendou drummed his fingers against the register counter, “Is he eating at least? Even if it’s snacking, he has to eat to keep his health up. He still has to recover from those pills.”

” _Yeah, he’s eating. Shirabu just went to the grocery store to stock the fridge_ ,” Semi continued to speak on the line, “ _He’s been taking the remedy pill, and we’re helping out to clean the house_.”

”That’s good,” Tendou sighed, “Wakatoshi seems to be taking the remedy as well, but there’s still no signs of recognition. I tried bringing up the wedding video, but he wasn’t interested.”

He heard a hum from the other side of the line, “ _You know... what if it’s a personal feeling? It could be a memory that only he knows and feels. That’s what might bring all those memories back_.”

Tendou stepped away from the register, “But if that’s it, how can Wakatoshi remember... if he doesn’t remember anything related to their relationship? It had to workout somehow, right?”

” _Maybe he has an item? Or some sort of picture?_ ” Semi offered, “ _Why don’t you go check up on him after you close the shop? It’s been a while, and you two have only spoken through phone calls. It’ll be nice for you to get out of the shop for a breather.”_

“I’m heading out right now,” he replied as he grabbed his jacket from the back room, slipping it on and then grabbing the keys, “I hope you guys can cheer Omi-Omi up.”

” _He’s doing a little better compared to when we found him, but hopefully it’ll get better_ ,” Semi reassured, “ _I’ll get dinner started once I get back, so I’ll see you at home later, alright?”_

”I’ll probably get home first since Wakatoshi doesn’t live that far from us, so I’m in charge of dinner,” Tendou smiled to himself, “You really thought I would let you get away with that? We agreed to split housework, Eita.”

Semi laughed softly, “ _You always run the shop though, so you must be tired. How about I make the main course, and you make the sides and dessert? That is your speciality after all.”_

 _”_ It’s technically half and half, so it’s a deal,” he said as he walked out the door, locking it with the key, “I’ll see you later sweetheart. I love ya.”

 _”Oh swoon me won’t you”_ he could practically see him roll his eyes _,_ but his voice softened a little, _“I love you too. See you later.”_

Tendou heard the call drop. He placed his phone into his jacket pocket, and checked once more on the lock of the shop. Once it was secured, he held onto his car key that was on the same chain. Ushijima’s place wasn’t far from the shop or their home. He had found an apartment, but the last time he saw him nothing was unpacked. Only the necessary items, but everything else was still tucked away. Ushijima’s move was so sudden...

It wasn’t like him.

Tendou hopped into the driver’s seat. He gripped the wheel after he started the ignition. 

”Alright Wakatoshi, let’s see your situation.”

-

“I didn’t think you were the type to procrastinate on unpacking, Wakatoshi.”

They were sitting on the floor, opening up his suitcases to take out the rest of his things. He had only taken out some of his suits and a set of clothes, so most of the unpacking was his wardrobe. The apartment was plain, and the walls were bare. It had already came with the furniture though, so Ushijima didn’t have to worry about that.

Ushijima was currently unfolding shirts to reorganize them, “I was not procrastinating, I was occupied with work. Besides, there isn’t that much to unpack. It’s just my clothing and some other things.”

“Hmm... you work on that, I’ll take out the stuff from the second suitcase, okay?” he pointed to the smaller suitcase.

Ushijima just nodded as he continued to fix the clothes. Tendou sighed to himself. He knew Ushijima was a person of few words before, but he grown so accustomed to him being more talkative and expressive that it was strange to see him this quiet. The entire time he had been here, they only exchanged a few short sentences. He offered to help him unpack since it seemed like he was about to do so. 

Tendou scooted himself over to the other suitcase. He laid it on it’s side, scrounged around for the zipper, and undid it. When he opened the suitcase, there were things like extra toiletries, socks, accessories, and a couple of small decorative pieces. He hummed to himself as he took out the things, splitting them into small groups. Those would go to the bathroom, that would go into the drawers, this went...

”Where does that go?” he asked out loud. He turned to Ushijima, a medium sized stationary kit in his hand. Ushijima squinted his eyes as he stared at the case, titling his head to one side as if that would make him remember what it was.

”I don’t remember having that... it must have been Sakusa’s. I suppose I took it with me by accident. Semi is friends with him, so I’m sure you can take it to him at some point.”

”But you work with him...”

”It’s complicated.”

He ended it at that.

Tendou furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at the kit in hand. It was a mint colored case. There was a flap that opened up, and then unfolded the case open to reveal what was inside. Some highlighters, a small pack of stickers, sheets with pre-cut washi-tape, pens, and finally a book the same size as the case. It seemed to be a bullet journal. He didn’t remember Sakusa ever getting into this...

Tendou took the book out from its placement. He looked at the matte cover, turning it over to find a name. He then looked at the spine of it and-

“Hm? This has your name on it Wakatoshi,” he turned again to look at him, pointing at the spine with his free hand, “See? It’s right there.”

Ushijima tilted his head at it again, “Perhaps it’s something from the old days. I really can’t remember having something like that. You are free to look if you would like to.” 

He ended it at that.

He was hesitant at first, but Ushijima said he could look if he wanted to. Tendou shook his hesitation off as he opened the journal. The first page had a title. “ _New Perspective.”_ There was a thin black square around the text. He flipped over to the next page. Entry one... art museum.

Oh...

He saw clippings of pictures and ticket stubs hanging on by a strip of washi-tape. The writing was very crisp, almost like a typewriter. Tendou didn’t read it. He already knew what this was.

It was Ushijima’s first date with Sakusa.

Was this a relationship journal? Is that why it was called “new perspective”? 

He flipped through more pages. Ticket stubs, pressed leaves, pressed flowers, small drawings... there were all sorts of things and writings in the pages. All of them were about their relationship. There were some photos, some article clippings, more pressed things, and at the very end, there was a single ticket and receipt on one side. A poem was on the other. 

It was the only thing that he read. 

Tendou closed the journal. He zipped it back into the kit, placed it on the floor, and finished what he had to do before he did anything else. Once he finished, he stood up, put everything in its place, and then went back to the kit. He picked it up. Tendou turned to Ushijima, and with an extended arm he offered the mint colored case.

”You should read it,” he smiled, “Maybe you’ll feel some nostalgia.”

Ushijima glanced down, “Do you really think I should?”

”Ey, Wakatoshi!” he laughed a little, “It’s not bad to remember the past. There can be bad things, but there can also be good things. Really good things that you wish you can relive,” he pushed the case into his arms, “Try it. You’ve been looking too stiff lately. Maybe you can get your mind off of whatever is going on in there if you give it a try.”

Ushijima looked at the case for a moment, “Alright...”

He gave a thumbs up, “Then I’ll get going! I have to prepare my half of dinner before Eita gets home,” he walked to the entrance door, swooping his jacket up from the built in door rack, “I hope you’ll have a nice night,” he turned to wave goodbye.

“Have a good evening. I hope you get home safely,” Ushijima gave a small nod, the case still in his hands as Tendou left.

He closed the door behind him as he exited. Tendou hummed to himself as he walked out of the apartment and into the cold streets. There were clouds looming over the sky, ready to burst with more winter snow. He stood there for a moment, looking up at the grey clouds and stray flurries. An occasional breeze would stir his hair, but he didn’t shiver at it. Even when everything was stripped of life, it still seemed to be so calm and beautiful in its own way. Winter... cold, quiet, and white winter...

It seemed to have a lot of meaning to Ushijima.

* * *

Later that night, Ushijima was sitting down on the couch, the journal in his hands. It had a nice feel to it. Classy, even. It looked like something he would own, but he couldn’t remember what or why he would journal. Records? Songs? Choreography? 

He opened the cover.

Oh. It was the wrong side. He must have flipped it around to look like the front on accident. Ushijima tilted his head as he looked at the upside down back pages. A ticket, a receipt, and a small paragraph. Flipping the journal upright, he could clearly read the words on the scraps of paper.

“ _The Cherry Blossom Theater,”_ he murmured to himself. He looked over at the receipt, “ _Minimalista_ , a jewel maker and repair shop,” he read.

He narrowed his eyes at the dates. A month apart. The surprising thing was that they were placed near the same location. A coincidence or was it intentional? This seemed to be a long time ago. He looked around for a date, but the text was faded. When he was about to read the text, he spotted something. Apart of the next page peeked out. He saw just a strip of wavy black hair in a cut out-

Ushijima closed the journal tightly, sighing out loud. This again? 

At least he was now sure that he did have something with Sakusa. That wouldn’t be confusing him as much anymore. The journal must have been something they did together... perhaps Sakusa had his own copy somewhere. To be truthful though...

He didn’t want to read it. 

It was not like something was biting his conscious, but he was sick of hearing everyone around him talk about this. Watch this, read this, look at this.... if it happened, it happened for a reason. Why are they so insistent on trying to go back to the past? What do they remember that he doesn’t? It didn’t make any sense-

“Ugh,” he groaned as he felt his head swell from all his pent up frustration. Ushijima slowly got up from the couch, leaving the journal on the couch as he walked to the bathroom. He didn’t take the medication to recover from Alpha today yet, so that won’t do him any good. The medication made him sleepy. Might as well go to bed. He had nothing better to do.

He changed into pajamas, he took the pill, brushed his teeth, washed his face... the usual. He went to turn off the rest of the lights, his eyes lingering on the journal that sat on the couch. He shook his head, leaving it behind in the dark. 

Ushijima went to bed, hugging a pillow the moment he hit the mattress. He had done this for a long time. It had become a habit. 

For some reason, it didn’t feel as comforting as it did before.

He felt the medication working as his eyelids drooped. Despite taking it, he still felt a headache. Was it really because he didn’t read the journal? Sakusa seemed to be suffering too much, while he saw it as something unfamiliar. If it was recent, then why didn’t he remember? If it was a long time ago, why was Sakusa acting like that?

Something was going on...

He knew something was going on.

* * *

December 21st, 2020.

Holiday vacation. They had no work, they had no need to wake up early, and they didn’t need to worry about any arrangements for now. The employees and directors needed these days off.

Especially Ushijima. 

He barely managed to haul himself out of bed today. Every single day, something would be biting the back of his mind. He knew it was about whatever happened in the past, but he just couldn’t understand. He had asked his friends what they were like when they were together, but no matter what he heard, he couldn’t comprehend it.

Him? How could he be like that before? He had always struggled with communication and things revolving around that. Maybe that’s a leading reason towards the separation... it wasn’t Sakusa’s mistake. It was _his_ lack of understanding, or feeling, or contribution to their growth, or-

Ushijima shook his head. No... it wasn’t like he was some robot. Yes, he wasn’t a man of many words, but something must have moved him to fix that setback. Not to mention, when he saw everything all over again, he didn’t believe that either of them would have separated by choice. A third party then? Or was it because of work? 

Or was it really because of their lack of connection? Was there a time where they thought they could work it out, even if they both had flaws and missing traits for a healthy relationship? Then it really would be his fault...

No. None if it made sense. Everything was mixed up all over again.

He had to know.

Ushijima was in his apartment at the time. He was sitting in the living room, but he stood up and went back to his bedroom. He changed into his warmer clothes, grabbing a scarf and a pair of gloves as he was there. Ushijima walked over to his nightstand to grab his phone. After that, he quickly went back to the living room, shoving his keys and wallet into his pocket.

Before putting his shoes on and leaving, he did one more thing. He walked over to the stand next to the couch. It had a drawer, and in that drawer was the mint colored case that held the journal.

He took it with him.

Maybe a visit to the theater would get his mind jogging.

-

Ushijima stared down at the old faded ticket stub once more. “ _The Cherry Blossom Theater”._ It wasn’t a big theater, but it seemed to be big enough to fit a decent crowd. Currently, the theater was offering a free show for the local ensemble. Ushijima closed the journal in his hands, placing it back into the case and taking it with him as he hopped out of his car. His eyes stayed on the theater as he got closer. It didn’t seem to be familiar, but it wouldn’t hurt him to look inside. Whatever happened in here was the last thing in the journal. It must have been something important.

The people at the front politely attended to him. He entered the theater, but once more, there was nothing familiar about it. He was lead into the main room and seated. There were enough people to make the room look full. Only a few red velvet chairs were left empty. Everyone had a brochure in their hand and patiently waited for the show to start. Ushijima stared down at the paper. The opening act...

Was a violin soloist.

The violin was a beautiful instrument to play. He had always loved to hear the song that it would sing. So many emotions could be expressed through it, yet he had never tried to learn how to play. He knew some piano and guitar, but the violin was definitely his favorite instrument of them all.

The room around him dimmed. The murmurs died down as the audience realized that they show was about to begin. Ushijima sat up in his chair as he saw the curtains open. Standing right at the center was a young man, maybe around his early twenties. He held the traditionally colored violin in his hand, the bow in his other. He wore a white suit and a gentle smile on his face. 

The performance started once the audience completely fell silent.

The title of the original piece: “In Winter We Bloom”.

It started off slow, like a gentle whisper of the wind. A cold evening... maybe he’s alone. As the music started to pick up, it became chipper. Someone must have appeared. Dancing snowflakes surrounded the two, each of them content to be in each other’s company. However, the song started to get faster and faster... a panicked situation. There were sharp notes, signaling that something terrible had happened along in the story. The man’s smile was gone as he played, his eyes focusing intensely as if he was in the story. It started to slow down again. Slower... slower... 

It seemed like it would have ended with a sad story.

And then, as it faded out, it started to fade back in. There were people at the very front who were stirring. Was this not planned? 

The man started to smile again. He brought the song back up, the dancing snow becoming a winter wonderland. As clear as an ice crystal, he raised the notes higher and higher. It was enough to give him goosebumps. And the man did it all while keeping his eyes on single person. As if they were the only two people in the entire auditorium.

It was like a euphoric moment for that soloist. When the song ended, he didn’t wait for people to clap or even to bow... he handed his instrument over to someone backstage, then ran down the steps to get to the audience floor. Ushijima watched as someone got up, their arms outstretched as the soloist practically jumped into their arms. People started to clap and cheer.

The person running the program came out for a moment, “This stage was very special for our soloist. It was a surprise for him. His girlfriend from the U.S flew in today and we arranged for her to come here tonight. Please excuse the interruption, the rest of the show will continue briefly.”

The two didn’t even seem to listen. They were just happy to be with each other in a sweet warmth. The audience was very bothered by the gesture either. They were pleased with the result. 

Ushijima’s eyes wouldn’t leave them. His head started to hurt all over again... 

He started to feel sick.

Ushijima forced himself to look away and got up from his seat. He had only wanted to see if he recognized anything from the theater, so it wouldn’t hurt to leave and get some fresh air. With every step he took, the head started to pound more and more. Ugh...

He hadn’t realized that he was walking further and further away from the theater. By the time he looked up, he had no idea where he had wandered to. 

That is until he saw a familiar name.

” _Minimalista_ ”. 

The small sign was right above him, a simple outlined circle and diamond as the logo. He turned his head to look at the display window. There were rings, necklaces, and earrings of all sorts displayed. A small sign indicated, “ _all pieces are handmade and available for customization_ ”. Ushijima stared at the window for a long time, his eyes slowly drifting towards the thing at the very front of the window.

Engagement rings.

His head started to pound. 

Ushijima walked away, trying to ignore whatever was going on with him. He kept walking and walking and walking...

And then, he stopped.

Not far off from the busy streets was the center piece of the town. It was a space that had always been bare, but would be altered depending on up coming holidays. There were faux trees around, completely stringed with brightly colored lighted. At the very center was a The tallest tree, decked out in decor from the very top to the very bottom. There were some benches placed around. He watched as people stood in the luminous center of the space, taking pictures and enjoying themselves.

He hadn’t realized that he had been holding his breath. Ushijima staggered slightly when he felt his blood turn hot from how hard his head was pounding. He found the nearest place to sit, slumping down against the back of a bench a few feet away from the scenery. Ushijima closed his eyes tightly, trying to control his breathing as he felt it get stronger...

He thought it would have stopped..

But suddenly, the world faded away for a moment. 

* * *

_Front row. The stage was decorated in a white forest. White trees, white lights, white flowers... a winter wonderland. Ushijima had tucked away his ticket into his pocket, keeping it safe for his journal._

_The occasion? Sakusa’s first solo concert. It was opening day and it started off with a bang in Japan. This was his first show and Ushijima wouldn’t miss it for the world. He had watched him practice and slave away to the music booth. Ushijima knew how much this had meant to Sakusa, so he decided to surprise him by being at the very first show. He didn’t think that Sakusa had found him though. He was very focused on his performance that he didn’t look towards his direction. His eyes only went up and to center. He must have been nervous too..._

_Sakusa hated large crowds, which is why he had asked for small venues. It still must have felt uncomfortable, especially considering that they were much closer and that it would be easier to find mistakes. He was doing fine though. Sakusa had gone through each of his songs and danced perfectly._

_It was time for the closing act. It was the one thing that Ushijima hadn’t heard. He simply looked up at the white stage with anticipation.  
_

_Sakusa had appeared from back stage. He wore a crisp white suit, white button up, and white shoes with some overall blue tones. The fans around him cheered as they watched him walk to the center floor. He had something in his hands._

_A violin._

_Ushijima felt himself starting to smile. Sakusa had loved to play the violin, but he was never sure about playing a piece for a concert. He had been afraid of messing up, but it looked like he was confident enough to play for the audience.  
_

_Sakusa stood in the middle, a calm look washing over his face as he lifted the mahogany violin to his chin. He gingerly raised the bow into the strings, closing his eyes as he waited for absolute silence.  
_

_A beautiful sound rang out._

_The very first note was chilling. Ushijima felt his skin prickle from it. Other instruments joined Sakusa from behind the curtains, adding more intensity to the beginning of the song. Sakusa’s face was unwavering as he preformed. Only on some occasions his eyebrows would crease as the notes became higher._

_It was beautiful._

_The song was getting to the climax. Some sweat started to form on Sakusa’s forehead as he opened his eyes again, making eye contact with people around. As the highest note came out, Sakusa’s eyes had found themselves looking at Ushijima.  
_

_Slowly, Sakusa started to smile. There was that sparkle in his eye that appeared, his hands still finding their way around the notes. He looked back up at center, continuing with the song.  
_

_The difference was that the intensity had dropped. It had suddenly stooped down to a calmer and joyous note. The music accompanying Sakusa stopped for a moment. They weren’t expecting the change. However, they quickly adjusted, playing based on how Sakusa was. Sakusa didn’t stay in the center anymore. He swayed with the serene violin, as if he was dancing with it. He covered each corner of the stage with his music, his face glowing brighter than the white setting around him. He looked over at Ushijima with that smile, that sweet smile that he would be so embarrassed to show._

_His heart swelled. Everyone else would think that Sakusa was showing his performance face, but he knew that there was a difference._

_The face he wore on that stage... it was genuine._ _He was really happy in that moment.  
_

_Sakusa went back to center, ending the song off with a smile. Sweat flew off from his forehead as he moved away from the violin, his breathing out of rhythm from how much effort he put into the song. The fans around clapped and cheered, yelling out compliments and encouragement for his hard work. Some people went out to grab the violin from him and hand him a microphone.  
_

_Sakusa took the microphone from the staff, “Did you guys like that?”_

_”Yes!” they all responded._

_Sakusa nodded, “I’m glad you did. Some of you may know that I play violin, but this is the first time I’ve actually performed a piece for a live audience. I hope it was pleasant surprise for you all.”_

_Fans shouted several different things between, “You did great!”, “We love you!”, “Encore!”, and all the ways they could expressed their support. Sakusa waited for them to settle down before he spoke again._

_”Speaking of pleasant surprises, this piece was actually made for someone. It’s called “Winter’s First Snow”. Something pretty, calming, and overall pleasing to experience. I love winter... and maybe that’s why it was the only season appropriate with the piece. It had to be something that I loved just as much as who I wanted to play if for...”_

_”It’s Ushijima! It’s Wakatoshi!” some people shouted out. There were some awes going around. Even Ushijima was surprised by the sudden words. Sakusa usually limited himself to showing affection in public. He actually avoided talking about their relationship because of how much the reporters tried to dig into their personal life. This time though... he was willingly expressing his feelings in public._

_His heart swelled again.  
_

_”And speaking of someone... I can see him right in front of me,” Sakusa tilted his head towards Ushijima’s direction, “Why don’t you come up here, Ushijima Wakatoshi?”  
_

_The crowd cheered all over again. Ushijima now understood what Sakusa felt whenever Ushijima had called him up to stage. He got up from his seat,fixing his black blazer and shirt before he went up on the stage. A security guard led him up to the steps and handing him a microphone. Ushijima thanked him as he walked across the white stage, meeting in the center with Sakusa. Sakusa cocked an eyebrow at him._

_”Embarrassed or is it just hot in here?” Sakusa nodded towards his face._

_”Haha, very funny,” he spoke into his own microphone, rolling his eyes slightly, “This is for all the times I called you out at random, huh?”_

_“Yes, yes it is,” Sakusa smirked. He turned back to the audience, “Now that we have everyone favorite baritone singer here, why don’t we play a song? You know...”_

_Ushijima raised his eyebrows, “Now? Here?”_

_”What better time than now? We have to have one last performance together before I leave Tokyo,” Sakusa spoke as he went back for his violin, “Don’t you all agree?”  
_

_“Duet! Duet! Duet!” the fans chanted, waving their lights around as Sakusa brought back the violin. Ushijima knew what he was talking about, and he was going to leave for Korea soon. He might as well take advantage of performing with him._

_It had been a while anyways. They had both been busy with solo projects._

_Ushijima nodded at Sakusa. He watched as he lifted the violin to his chin again, raising the bow to touch the strings of the instrument as he started the song off. It was short and sweet, but it had been Sakusa’s go to song for the violin. The first piece he learned, and one of their favorite English songs._

_Fly Me to the Moon - Frank Sinatra.  
_

_Sakusa started to play. The orchestra ensamble behind the curtains recognized the song and started to accompany him. Ushijima tapped his foot as he counted to the spot where he had to start. Five, six, seven, eight..._

_”Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars,” he started off, looking out into the audience for a moment, “Oh let me see what spring is like on a, Jupiter and Mars.”_

_He glanced back at Sakusa, who had a gentle smile as he played. The corner of Ushijima’s lips rose up, “In other words, hold my hand. In other words, darling, kiss me,” he sang as he watched Sakusa lip sync the words to himself. Ushijima started to walk away from his place, pretending like he was walking down the streets of Tokyo like they always would._

_”Fill my heart with song, and let me sing forevermore, you are all I long for, all I worship and adore,” he smiled as he walked around Sakusa, “In other words please be true...”_

_Sakusa joined in for a moment. They sang at the same time._

_”In other words, I love you.”_

_And it was only then when Ushijima truly realized something.  
_

_He watched with a soft gaze as Sakusa started to walk around him in circles, his face relaxed as he played. It was different compared to his creased brows in his first piece. He was comfortable with Ushijima’s presence. He didn’t feel any pressure... he looked completely unbothered by the crowd._

_Ushijima smiled._

_He felt the same way._

_It was just them on stage, no one else around them. It was just like those warm nights at home... just falling into each other’s arms as they danced and sang with no care in the world. And now, even in front of these people, they didn’t care. He didn’t mind being this open with him._

_He fell in love with him all over again. That gentle but rare smile, his wavy hair, his beautiful eyes, his meticulous yet endearing personality... his everything._

_And just seeing them wearing the opposite colors of black and white made a single thought run across his mind._

_”Fill my heart with song, let me sing forevermore...”_

_This was the person he wanted to marry._

_”You are all I long for, all I worship and adore...”_

_This was the person he wanted to share a last name with.  
_

_“In other words, please be true...”_

_This was the only person he would ever love this much. He had always loved him, and he had always wanted to be with him... but today he truly knew._

_They sing those words again._

_”In other words, I love you.”_

_He wanted to get married._

_Sakusa lowered his violin as he finished the last note, stepping closer to Ushijima. He didn’t even hesitate. Sakusa carefully held his instrument and bow in one hand, while with the other, he pulled Ushijima closer to his face. He kissed him. A delicate, yet full of love, kiss._

_He felt Sakusa smile against his lips as they heard the fans go wild. He didn’t seem to care though. Ushijima chuckled to himself._

_He knew._

_He wanted to marry Sakusa Kiyoomi._

_-_

_A month later, Ushijima went to pick up a ring from a small jewelry shop. Coincidentally, it was a shop near the same theater that Sakusa had his first performance in. He had wandered over there while waiting for Sakusa to finished up. Ushijima had ordered the ring right after the show._

_That’s how sure he was in his decision._

_Today, he picked up his custom ring. A two toned twist ring. It was silver with a color between rose gold and copper. Only two simple wires connected at the middle to form a small flower. It was simple, but Ushijima thought it was a lovely design._

_Sakusa was actually performing in the Cherry Blossom Theater again. He rescheduled a show there because one of his other ones was cancelled due to stage damage. He still had a few more rounds to go in Japan, but then he would leave for South Korea. Ushijima was set on proposing right after he had finished with all his shows._

_He placed the small velvet box and the receipt into his pocket. In turn, he took out his phone, checking the texts that came from Sakusa._

_**From: Kiyoomi** _

_I’m all done here. Where are you?  
_

_**To: Kiyoomi** _

_I parked near the center place with the winter displays. I’ll be waiting for you near there._

_After a confirmation text, Ushijima put away his phone. He left the shop, walking a few more steps away from the doorway. He turned around, squinting his eyes to see if Sakusa was coming in the distance. He wasn’t. Well, he did just leave the theater._

_Ushijima looked up at the sky. Grey and white clouds filled the skies, his cold misty breath floating up to the chilling skies. He rubbed his hands together to keep them warm as he waited for Sakusa.  
_

_“Wakatoshi!”_

_Ushijima turned to look at his side. From a distance, he saw Sakusa approaching. The small figure became bigger as he got closer. Sakusa was running to meet with him. He stopped in front of him, readjusting his black mask and black coat. Ushijima was about to offer to help him with his bag, but Sakusa didn’t let him speak. He pulled Ushijima into an embrace, not even asking if he had sanitized himself as he would every so often. Ushijima held him in return._

_”I missed you,” Sakusa quietly murmured._

_”We’re still in the same country though. If you missed me when we’re in the same place, how is it going to be when you go to Seoul?” Ushijima smiled a little, pushing himself away from Sakusa to get a proper look at his face, “Also, I noticed that one of my sweaters is missing. I assume that you took it?”_

_Sakusa rose his eyebrows to feign being offended, “How dare you accuse me of such a crime! I’m going to Seoul right now because of that,” he let go of him and pretended to walk past him._

_”Are you not guilty then?” Ushijima stifled a laugh as he followed Sakusa. Even from behind him, he could tell that Sakusa had on some sort of smirk. Ushijima walked a little faster to catch up to match his pace, looking at Sakusa to see if he was still joking around. Sakusa glanced towards him, shaking his head slightly as they walked on._

_”You already know that I take your sweater, so there is no need for any prodding on,” Sakusa sighed as he looked up at the sky, “It just reminds me of home, that’s all.”_

_They stayed silent as they walked on. At some point, their hands found each other and held one another as they basked in the winter weather. In the end, they stood at the center display floor of the district. Sakusa looked around at the glittering lights, sighing softly as he stared up at the sky once more._

_”Let’s sit down,” Sakusa gestured to the nearby benches, “I’ve been standing for hours. The last thing I need are blisters under my feet.”  
_

_They sat down on a bench in front of the faux white trees. The tree was decorated with all sorts of twinkling string lights and snowdrop flowers. Sakusa was still looking up at the sky as he sat down, shrugging off his bags and placing them to the side._

_”I wish I could spend the holidays with you this year, but I have some events to handle while I’m in Seoul,” Sakusa spoke, a thin puff of air seeping out of his mask._

_”That’s the difficult thing about this career,” Ushijima leaned against the back of the bench, “You have a lot to give up, but you also have a lot to take back in return. If neither of us decided to join the industry, none of this would have happened.”_

_Sakusa nodded, “Truth be told. Sometimes the publicity is unbearable... but sometimes I don’t care about it. Whenever I’m with you I don’t pay attention to what I’m doing. Remember? The closing to the first concert?”_

_Ushijima smiled, “You broke character. I never thought I would see you do that publicly.”_

_”I kind of started to get anxious after I saw everything that was online,” Sakusa admitted, “But... I don’t mind. That’s one of the only things I don’t mind being out there on the internet. Winter’s First Snow wouldn’t be played the way it is now if you were there. I’m glad you came to the show... I hope you know that.”_

_”And I’m glad to be apart of that special night. I know you know that.”_

_They stayed silent again. It wasn’t uncomfortable for them. Sometimes it was better to sit in silence than to continue with unnecessary small talk. The two looked up at the tall center piece of the display, and then up at the sky all over again._

_It started to snow._

_Sakusa’s eyes widened slightly, “The first snow.”_

_Small snowflakes floated down to the ground. They twinkled against the white lights, each and every flake twirling around at the slight breeze. Ushijima glanced over at Sakusa. He saw that familiar glow on his face. Excitement. Sakusa let go of Ushijima’s hand to hold it out, his eye smile appearing as he saw some snowflakes melt away from his hand._

_It was too perfect of a moment. The first snow, the time around the holidays... a little cheesy, but the first snow always held a significance for them._

_Ushijima’s eyes followed as snow fluttered onto Sakusa’s hair, “The first snow... it’s always reliable. Even after it disappears, it’ll always come back. Through winter, fall, spring , and summer, the first snow will eventually appear again. It doesn’t fail to make people smile.”_

_Sakusa nodded, “That’s the basis for my piece. Great minds think alike, huh?” he said as he still looked at the snow above him._

_”And it’s always breathtaking. It’s something nobody ever wants to miss... it’s a lovely experience. Sometimes, I wish the experience of seeing the first snow would never end. I would like to relive seeing the first snow everyday... because it genuinely makes my day to even think about it. So how would it feel to be within the first snow everyday?”_

_”Hm... I guess I’d never get tired of it. It’s always something so serene. Soothing, calming... and ironically warm. It wouldn’t be the first snow if it happened everyday, but the feeling would be the same. Right?”_

_Ushijima had gotten down on one knee as Sakusa gave his response. He watched as Sakusa turned towards him, his face blank as he was registering what was going on. Suddenly his eyes widened. Sakusa reached up to his own face, pulling down his mask. He immediately covered his mouth again with his hands._

_”No...” he barely whispered in doubt and surprise, “This isn’t happening... oh my gosh...”_

_”I’d like to be your first snow, if you don’t mind,” Ushijima smiled gently, “I’d like to be by your side everyday, wake up next to you, comfort you when you feel sad... bring a smile to your face just as brightly as the first snow does. In other words... I love you. And in other words...”_

_He pulled out the box, opening the lid to reveal the ring._

_”Will you marry me, Sakusa Kiyoomi?”_

_Sakusa took a moment to fully realize that it was actually happening. He slowly nodded with a smile, “Yes... yes, of course!”_

_Sakusa went down to his level, immediately taking him into a warm embrace. Ushijima lost balance, the two falling down onto the ground. They didn’t mind though. Considering how late and cold it was, there were barely any people around. Sakusa held onto him tightly, his hand tangling itself in his hair as Ushijima pushed the two of them back up. He heard Sakusa laugh a little from the rebound shock, and he laughed at it as well. Sakusa pushed himself away slightly. In return, he tilted Ushijima’s head to his lips, planting that sweet kiss that he had felt several times before._

_It was sweeter than ever tonight._

_”When were you planning this?” Sakusa whispered, trying his best not to cry from ecstasy. He leaned his forehead against Ushijima’s, a soft smile still on his face as if the moment was replaying over and over again._

_”I picked up the ring today, but... it just felt appropriate,” he sheepishly admitted._

_Sakusa laughed fully. A gentle chime to his ears. He looked at Ushijima with sparkling eyes, “You jerk!” he teased, “I thought you’d do it sometime next year, but you really did it right before I left... and before the holidays! Oh my gosh...”_

_He started to tear up, “We have so much to do...”_

_”You’ll be back by the beginnings of February. We have all of next year to plan, and even more beyond that. There’s no need to rush... I’m not going anywhere.”_

_He cried. Not out of sadness, but out of pure happiness. Sakusa’s smile wavered between a frown and a grin. He nodded, wiping off the tears as they fell, “I know, I know... I’m sure that I want it to be in winter though. That’s all we have to keep in mind.”_

_Ushijima brought the ring back up, “Now, if you would let me do the honors?”  
_

_Sakusa nodded, lifting up his left hand for Ushijima. Ushijima took the ring out of the box, gently taking Sakusa’s hand and slipping the ring onto his finger. A perfect fit._

_”A pretty ring for my lovely boyfriend... or should I say fiancé now?” Ushijima smiled for what seemed to be the millionth time. He looked up at Sakusa, who started to cry all over again._

_”Stop, my eyes are going to be all swollen for the next show!” Sakusa managed to say between breathy laughs and small sobs, “Oh it’s really nice, yeah, it’s lovely,” he stared at the ring, more tears dripping out. He started ramble all sorts of words from everything that was just placed on top of him. Ushijima leaned over to sweep away the tears from his cheeks._

_”You’re going to make me cry if you keep this up,” he murmured softly as he felt a lump get caught in throat, “Ah. I feel them coming,” he tilted his head back to prevent them from leaving. Sakusa laughed a little._

_”Good for you, get a taste of your own medicine,” he joked, but still through choked words._

_Ushijima only had to blink once for it to stream down his face. He looked back at Sakusa, and even he was now in disbelief._

_Sakusa was his fiancé._

_He got up on his feet, then helping Sakusa back up at well. He drew him close, planting one more salty kiss before they went back home. The snow around them seemed to hang in the air, each snowflake glittered in rhythm with the lights around him. Sakusa reached up to wiped away a few tears from Ushijima’s face. Ushijima cupped one side of Sakusa’s face. They couldn’t stop those small smiles from jumping out._

_”I love you.”_

_”I love you too.”_

* * *

His eyes didn’t fly open. 

Instead, they slowly lifted back up, a sense of drowsiness and heaviness brushing across his mind. There was a warmth that went across despite the cold breeze biting the edges of his skin. He looked up at the grey skies, a cold puff of air escaping past his lips.

It stared to snow.

There were blurred memories flashing through his mind, but he knew who they were about.

”Sakusa...” he quietly murmured.

He got up. Ushijima looked back the center, glanced towards the glittering adornments. He looked down at the benches, and just for a split second, he could see that flashback.

”Kiyoomi.” 

Ushijima turned back towards the direction of his car. He started to briskly walk back to his place. His steps started to get longer and faster. He felt the wind cut through his hair as he sprinted down the streets of a Tokyo district. 

He loved someone.

How could he leave someone he loved like that?

He didn’t, right? They didn’t have a divorce or anything like that... that wouldn’t happen.

He screeched to a halt in front of his car. 

Hopefully, there wasn’t too much damage done. Hopefully, he didn’t hurt him to the extent that it was too late to go back.

-

Ushijima pulled up in front of the house they lived in. He parked in the driveway next to the other car that most likely belonged to Sakusa. Before he went out, he popped open the glovebox, scrounging around for something.

He pulled out a small music sheet keychain. Hanging from it was what should be the keys to the house. 

He got out of the car, locking the doors as he closed it. Ushijima looked at the familiar house, the snow slowly clumping itself onto the shingles of it. He took a deep breath in. He should ring the doorbell, but...

He had to know right away.

Ushijima walked up the steps, placing the key into the keyhole. With one turn and click, the door unlocked. He swallowed thickly. Please still be here...

He opened the door, peeking inside. Everything looked the same from when he left. Except for that dog-

A dog?

Ushijima didn’t know if he should walk forward. There was a German Shepherd that was staring into his soul from the couch. Ushijima took one step forward, but the dog didn’t react to it. He took another, issuing the chance to slip off his shoes. No reaction. Huh. Ushijima shrugged off his jacket and winter wear, leaving it on the coat rack as he did before. The dog still didn’t move towards him.

He kept going forwards. The dog pointed his head up, sniffing the air as Ushijima walked by. He still didn’t make a single move or bark.

The only sound Ushijima could hear was the faded tune of a violin.

He left the dog alone to do his or her own thing. He could see over them later. Ushijima wandered off down the hall, peeking into each room. The closet, the bathroom, a spare room or two... but when he got to the master bedroom-

He saw several things flash before his eyes. 

Nights on fighting over the remote to either watch volleyball or the newest dance program. Nights where Ushijima sat in concentration as he tried to paint Sakusa’s nails for his photoshoots. Mornings where Sakusa would be pushing away his face because he hated morning breath kisses. Late nights where they’d desperately engulf each other from those burning moments. Evenings where they’d just be in each other’s arms, listening to the soft rhythmic heartbeats lulling them to sleep. 

He could smell the linen and lemon.

Ushijima went further down the hall, looking into the other rooms. They were clean and tidy. No one was in the rooms... but he could still hear the faint music somewhere in the house. Ushijima returned from the bedroom hallway, standing back in the living room. Perhaps the kitchen? No, he would have seen him. Then the basement? No, it was probably too cold.

Ah.

The backyard deck. 

The house had a deck outside- well, it wasn’t completely outside. It stuck outside of the house, but they added windows, a stable floor, a roof, and connected it to the A/C and heating system. That way, if it was too hot or too cold, there would still be a clear look out. If his memory was correct, there were a bunch of plants out there as well.

Ushijima stepped closer towards the back of the house. The music got louder. He could hear the violin sing to the familiar tune that he had remembered when he was sitting at the bench. The one that they sang at that concert.

Fly Me to the Moon.

He finally stood at the door leading to the deck. Through the glass windows he could see him... he wore a purple hoodie- his purple hoodie- and black sweatpants. His wavy hair fell over one side of his face, and his eyelashes swept under his eyes as he listened to himself intently. His fingers pressed and moved around with that certain grace...

Ushijima couldn’t look away from him. Everything flashed before him all over again- every single moment they had as a married couple... it was real. It all happened.

Kiyoomi opened his eyes slightly, his eyes moving up to meet Ushijima’s. The expanded in size, his mouth slightly opening as he looked at him. Ushijima saw as his fingers started to press harder into the violin. Kiyoomi shook his head, blinking as hard as he could. He didn’t believe it...

Okay, let’s give this a try then. 

Ushijima slid the door open, stepping out into the warm deck. Kiyoomi was still shaking his head, but his eyes were now planted on the ground. He would know that he had recovered almost all of his memories once he heard him...

Ushijima started to hum. Kiyoomi stopped shaking his head.

” _Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars,_ ” he quietly sang, slowly getting closer to him.

” _Oh let me see what spring is like on a, Jupiter and Mars_ ,” Kiyoomi murmured, raising his bow back to his violin. Ushijima stopped in front of him as he started to play, watching as he closed his eyes and moved the bow.

” _In other words, hold my hand,_ ” he sang with the sound of the violin, “ _In other words, darling, kiss me. Fill my heart with song, and let me sing forevermore... you are all I long for, all I worship and adore...”_

Kiyoomi joined in with him quietly, “ _In other words, please be true_ ,” he opened his eyes to look at him, “ _In other words... I love you.”_

Ushijima recreated the similar steps as they did on stage. He circles him, humming softly as Kiyoomi concentrated on the instrumental break. There was an overflow of sound as the violin sang pounder than ever. Kiyoomi started to move in circles as well, his eyes on Ushijima as the moved with the rhythm.

He saw everything.

He saw their first awkward conversations when they first met. He could hear their first produced song. He could feel the first time he had leaned against Sakusa’s head in the practice room. He remembered finally confessing right before their performance at the annual music award show. He vividly saw that dance, one of their best due to the spilling of emotions to each other. Their first date at the art museum, their first kiss, moving in with each other, their wedding, the rare good times at the company... their everything.

The memories came back slowly. It flowed through him, covering each corner it could with warmth. He felt everything fall back into place. 

He was always apart of his life. They were in love, they have mutual feelings... they never left each other.

” _Fill my heart with song, and let me sing forevermore, you are all I long for,_ ” they sang a little louder, “ _All I worship and adore! In other words... please be true...”_

They stopped moving, fully facing each other now. A small smile rose to his face as he looked at his husband. All his memories settled, the sudden relief of getting them back causing his eyes to water. Kiyoomi cracked a smile, his fingers causing the note to tremble as he realized...

” _In other words... I love you.”_

He remembered.

Kiyoomi put the violin down on the nearest stand. He turned back around to face Ushijima, his arms extended outward as he ran to him. Ushijima’s arms almost immediately latched onto him, a few hot tears falling away from his face. His hand held onto the back of Kiyoomi’s head, gently stroking through the wavy black hair. A hiccup shook Kiyoomi’s frame slightly, and he could feel his heavy breathing against his neck. They stayed like that for a moment, the glow of the snow outside illuminating their surroundings.

Kiyoomi pushed himself away from him for a moment, fiddling with hand. He took off a ring- Ushijima’s wedding ring. It was from the same store, the only difference was that his had a leaf like shape instead of a flower. Kiyoomi reached up for Ushijima’s hand behind his head, taking it and slipping the ring on his finger.

It felt good to see it again.

”I’m so sorry-“

Kiyoomi shook his head, “It’s not your fault... I’m should be sorry. I doubted that you’d ever remember. I shouldn’t have even let that come across my mind,” he quietly said.

”No... I shouldn’t have said such insensitive things. It was foolish of me to just storm out like that... I should have waited to at least get some sort of understanding.”

”But you know how that works. It was inevitable. It’s not your fault.”

”I know, but-“

Kiyoomi cut off his words. He felt him against his lips, drawing him closer than ever before. Ushijima sighed softly. It really felt like it had been forever since he kissed him. It was salty from the tears, but he didn’t care. His fingers ran across Kiyoomi’s hair, going back down to hold his face. He felt it all over again: soft, warm... breathless.

Kiyoomi smiled in between kisses, “I missed you...”

”I had no idea how much a person could miss someone until everything came back to me,” Ushijima admitted, “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting for too long.”

The snow outside became lighter and gentler. It stuck on the glass of the window, the little flakes melting away within a few seconds. Ushijima could hear the dog walk into the deck. Ushijima looked down at his feet, then back at Kiyoomi. He raised an eyebrow at him, but he couldn’t contain how happy he was when he realized they also finally had a pet. Kiyoomi softly laughed at that, the sound tickling the edge of his lips. It was a warm enough sound to melt away the winter’s snow.

”It took you long enough,” Kiyoomi replied as he placed more light hearted kisses.

Ushijima glanced outside at the falling white dots, “Of course I would come back. Didn’t I tell you at our proposal and our vows?”

He looked back at Kiyoomi. He saw everything within him. The one thing that stuck out the most... was that winter night. The glittering skies, the cold breeze, the bright lights... a magnificent atmosphere. He relived it everyday that he was with him. There was no place that he would rather be.

He smiled at his husband, cupping his cheek within the snowy light. The fondest look came from the both of them as he reassured Kiyoomi, kissing the top of his head endearingly.

”I’ll always come back like the first snow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Perspective 
> 
> I’m going to live a life through a new perspective  
> It’ll be a dream, a wonderful world  
> Just us two, two in one universe  
> In a galaxy filled with stars  
> Hanging there like that first snow  
> That’s all I need, that’s is all  
> A glittering sky with him as the brightest light  
> I’m going to live a life through a new perspective  
> With you.
> 
> (Poem at the final page of Ushijima’s journal)
> 
> ** really slow updating guys! I’m in school and have been busy


	35. Crystal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crystal - Single (to be released)  
> From: K (Kuroo Tetsurou)
> 
> It’s crystal clear,  
> The fog has faded,  
> It’s crystal clear,  
> This worry is outdated,  
> It’s crystal clear.  
> I feel fine, just fine  
> Clear head, clear mind.

January 2nd, 2021

It was snowing heavier compared to the other days. The edges of the windows were covered with frost, some bits of snow hanging into the edges. Post holiday exhaustion. Kuroo leaned against the pillow he was resting on. His hand reached out towards his side, carefully pushing away curls of Tsukishima’s hair away from his face. He sighed quietly as he waited for him to wake up. 

Tsukishima’s eyelids groggily opened. Kuroo smiled at him, “Buenos días,” he said in a sing song voice. 

Tsukishima narrowed his eyes again, shifting around to grab his phone and glasses. He slipped his glasses onto his face, still squinting as he stared at his phone, “Buenos días ni que nada,” he grumbled in the basic Spanish he knew, “It’s already the afternoon.”

”You looked so peaceful though,” Kuroo sighed as he sat up, “I didn’t want to wake the sleeping beauty up just to deal with his stingy personality.”

”Jokes on you, he was up before me.”

”Oh come on Tsukki, at least let one of my remarks get by you,” he pouted.

“Nope. My resolution was to not let you get a single remark in. Of course, now that I told you, maybe it won’t happen, but I highly doubt that,” he sleepily said as he got up, “Ugh... I still don’t understand why you have to drink for New Years. Champagne is so...”

”Dry?”

”Exactly.”

”You act like you didn’t drink a single flute of it yesterday.”

”I didn’t because _you_ took it after drinking around seven flutes yourself.”

He faked a gasp, “For your information, I recalled that you drank half of that flute and gave it to me. Are you trying to frame me for irresponsible drinking behavior? How mean!”

”Says the one who recreated ‘The Circle of Life’ scene with Bokuto and Midnight as Simba. I feel bad for your cat for dealing with you the past years.”

”Well you and her are going to have to stick with this for a long, long time,” he grinned, glancing over at Tsukishima for a reaction. Tsukishima rolled his eyes, moving away from the covers. He was already walking over to the bathroom, getting ready for the new day.

Kuroo already knew what was going to happen.

He would brush his teeth, change into his painting clothes, and then sit in front of his mini make shift studio by the balcony doors. Maybe he’ll do some concept sketches, perhaps some canvas stretching, and just a hint of phone calls. He’ll then follow with some stressed grumbles, crumpling papers, and even go on to completely turning in for the day. It’s what he’s been doing for the past few months.

Tsukishima had been offered to work for his company, but not in the sense as he did before. Rather than _producing_ music to release, he had been _designing_ posters and album covers for his fellow co-workers. Stuff for their New Year’s Family Concert, some covers for Rage On’s new single, yearly audition posters, and so on. Producer Ukai had suggested to at least keep Tsukishima active in the field until he fully recovered his memories.

And it’s not like he hasn’t recovered anything.

Unlike the other people who had specific memory triggers, Tsukishima’s were overall... generic. Very generic. Perhaps it was because Tsukishima was the only victim who had nothing at all to do with The Brain’s records. On a technicality, they had some information on Akaashi due to Bokuto’s CORE session, which was much more detailed than Kuroo’s record of Tsukishima, especially since CORE recreated the entire memory in front of the patient’s face. Not to mention, they accessed Bokuto’s core memory of Akaashi, so it analyzed Akaashi in depth. They _could_ have used Kuroo’s memories to get more about Tsukishima, but it wouldn’t be the same. They didn’t differentiate his core memory of Tsukishima, so they couldn’t have gotten a somewhat put together analysis. Unless it was just a dud syrum...

Who knows.

The point is that Tsukishima had been gaining bits and pieces of memories. Well, not exactly memories... more like feelings towards music. At first, Kuroo believed that Tsukishima didn’t like music because of what he thought had happened. However, there would be times where he would catch Tsukishima humming to a song on the radio, or intently listening to Kuroo strum away on his guitar. Sometimes, he would find Tsukishima dragging his fingers along the boarder of the piano keys. He still liked music.

He just didn’t see himself getting into it _again_.

And by again, that’s where the bits and pieces of memories come in. It was obvious that it couldn’t be avoided to see himself on screen. Tsukishima had found some of his oldest tracks, which were before he had debuted. He then found his first debut song. He found interviews, he found everything from his starting stage.

He didn’t want to see more. 

An updated version of Tsukishima Kei’s perspective: he failed as an artist. He had released some music, but it didn’t go well. Once again, those insecurities were wrapping around his brain as he dug himself deeper into that feeling.

Despite that, Tsukishima had taken the offer on working with Fly High. He didn’t seem to be exasperated with all the work but he still seemed so...

Hollow.

Sometimes, only sometimes, he would look over at Tsukishima when he was sitting on the couch. He’d watch as the paint brush would drag across the canvas, or follow the wobbling pencil in his hand while it ran across the paper. It was all so robotic. He couldn’t feel any sort of creative spirit anymore.

Hollow.

Today was going to be different. 

He wasn’t going to allow Tsukishima to stay in here all day. He had been sealing himself in this apartment for too long. He had to make some sort of excuse to go out with him. The last time he offered a date, he was turned down because of a handful of concept art. He had to make an essential outing...

Kuroo got up from bed, going straight to the bathroom. Tsukishima was there, combing his damp hair. Kuroo looked in the mirror to check his hair as well. It was getting kinda long-

Ah!

”Tsukki, we’re not staying in today,” Kuroo pointed at the mirror, “We have to go out.”

Tsukishima placed the comb down on the sink counter, “Kuroo, I don’t have the time-“

”Nope! You just turned in that poster cover the other day, and last time I checked, your next deadline is two weeks from now,” he crossed his arms, “And I did see your concept sketches, beautiful as ever. So... we’re going out. Yeah?”

”Where?”

”To get a haircut.”

Tsukishima clicked his tongue, “Kuroo you’re 27. Why do you need me to go with you?” he asked, a sarcastic tone biting the edge of his voice, “Are you scared that they’ll mess up that bed hair look?”

”Tsukki, my firefly, my little strawberry,” he pressed on, ignoring the comment on his hair, “We literally haven’t been out together for a long time. Can you please at least accompany me for a haircut? Please? Just this once, and then you can get back to your work.”

”I don’t know...”

”Ay, por favor?”

”Kuroo-“

”Por favor?” he pouted, reaching over and shaking Tsukishima’s shoulders slightly.

After some seconds of silence, Tsukishima sighed, “Just give me a minute, I’ll be ready sooner or later.”

Kuroo sigh in relief. He thought he wouldn’t be able to convince him. He smiled at him, “Thank you. You’re the best.”

”I know.”

They went on with their morning. After a quick breakfast, Kuroo threw on his black jeans and a yellow. long-sleeved shirt. Over that, he wore his leather jacket that was lined with wool of some sort on the inside to keep him warm. While waiting for Tsukishima, Kuroo sent a message to his hair stylist. He usually had his hair done by them, so he really didn’t know where else to go. 

Tsukishima appeared from the room, wearing a light pink pullover with a white collared shirt underneath. He walked a little past Kuroo, sitting down on the floor to put on his shoes. He tied his shoes, his eyes glancing towards the living room once in a while.

”Tsukki, it’ll be okay,” Kuroo said as he put his phone into his jacket pocket, “You need to take breaks. A little winter air and freshening up won’t hurt anyone.”

Kuroo reached over to the coat hanger to grab Tsukishima’s beige coat for him. He passed it over to him once he stood up. A look of uncertainty came over Tsukishima’s face as he took the jacket, still glancing towards the lone drawing stand. By the time they left, his eyes still drifted back to his work.

It was a rather empty way of staring.

* * *

“Ah. Terushima.”

Kuroo raised his eyebrow as he took his his jacket, draping over the couch in the living room. They were currently at the home of Terushima Yuuiji, a hair stylist in the making. He hadn’t been in the career for very long, but he made some pretty good work when it came to hair.

He glanced over to Tsukishima, “You know him? Teru, you work for Fly High too?” he then turned to the other man, who was fixing up his mini indoor salon. 

“Not exactly?” he shrugged, “I just drop by very often because of-“

”Me!” Yamaguchi suddenly appeared from the corner of a hallway, his hair having some aluminum in the very back. Tsukishima pointed at Yamaguchi and then looked back at Kuroo.

”That’s why I know Terushima,” he nodded, “He practically works at that place.”

”Tsukki, c’mon,” Terushima chuckled, “I did wonders for some of the artists there. I was the one who make that now iconic Kageyama photo book too. The undercut?”

”The photographer deserves credit too,” Yamaguchi smiled as leaned against the wall. 

Terushima nodded in agreement, “Of course babe- hey wait a minute! You aren’t supposed to be moving too much. The aluminum can come out and mess up the bleaching, and you have to stay under the heat-“

Yamaguchi pouted, “Yuuiji, it’s done already. I just wanted to ask for help. Tsukki, you’ve done this before, right?” he glanced towards Tsukishima, “C’mon, you’re about to witness me with a blond undertone.”

Tsukishima shrugged at Kuroo and Terushima as he followed Yamaguchi back to the bathroom. Yamaguchi probably did that to minimize the possibility of Tsukishima’s music career being brought up. Terushima pressed his lips into a thin line as he finally finished fixing everything.

”Sit down Tetsu, we got some stuff to chat about.”

Kuroo sat in the makeshift hair salon chair, allowing Terushima to start on his hair while the conversation was waiting to progress. There was small talk as Terushima placed the black hair gown over him, clipping it behind his neck and then adjusting it. The regular and ordinary questions continued while he misted his hair until it was damp enough to cut.

”So... I’ve heard about it from Tadashi. I kinda figured you’d be dating him. Is everything going alright with Tsukki?”

He snipped off some of his hair.

”It’s been going well. Just been taking it easy, that’s all,” Kuroo murmured, looking at the wisps of hair that fell to the floor.

”That sounds about right, but I don’t think that’s what you want to say. Something pretty crucial to your relationship was taken away, no?”

More hair was cut.

”Hey, it’s not like it’s gone forever. They’re in there somewhere. It’ll just take some time to coax out the memories. It’s not a big deal.” 

More snipping.

”It’s the memories of two music majors falling in love because of their song. Music is what brought you together,” he continued to talk as he tilted Kuroo’s head around, “I’m sure that you have concerns because of how long the memories are taking to come back.”

There was an empty sound coming from each snip of the scissors.

”Of course I do. He seems to be doing well, but at the same time it’s like life is being drained out of him,” Kuroo explained, “I’m not sure if that makes any sense or if I’m just hallucinating things.”

Terushima hummed as he brushed up hair to fix the tips, “Tadashi had been saying that Tsukki seemed to be off. Maybe he’s going through one of those experiences.”

”Experiences?”

”You know, when a person settles for something because they can’t chase their dreams,” Terushima continued, still snipping away, “They try to convince themselves that everything is for the better, but in reality, they are still yearning for their dream. They want to be happy, but what if a mishap happened? What if it wasn’t worth the risk? Would it really be a good idea?” 

Kuroo kept watching as more tufts of hair fell. Terushima seemed to be finishing, with only the front of his hair needing to be done. He didn’t glanced up when the cool scissors glided across the ends of his hair.

”Is it worth it?” he mumbled.

”That’s up to him-“

”Is it worth it?” he repeated, “I feel like he said that to me before. After an assignment gone wrong, he came to my apartment. He told me that he was staring to doubt himself all over again. Is it worth it?”

The corner of Kuroo’s lips quipped up, “I told him that it was. I told him that he could do anything as long as he kept true to himself. Now look... I have nothing to say to him.”

Terushima used a different brush to get rid of any stray strands on his face and neck, a chuckle coming out of him. Kuroo fully looked up, raising an eyebrow at him.

He simply grinned, “Tetsu, you have a way with words. If anyone has something to say to him, it’s you. You know what you have to do though?”

He finished the last touches.

”Don’t hold back,” Terushima smiled, “I know that you feel something else. Distance maybe?” he questioned, “Whatever it is that’s going through your head, you have to let it out somehow. Be honest with him... just like you’ve always been.”

Terushima took a hairdryer, finally finishing off the trim by drying it all. Unclipping the gown from his neck, Terushima handed Kuroo a small mirror. Kuroo stared at himself, looking back into his tired eyes. Even he seemed to be drained of life. 

It was also affecting him as much as it was with Tsukishima. 

There was... some distance. Both on their parts. Tsukishima was very immersed in his work, searching within each of his pieces for that feeling that had been muffled from his mind. Kuroo had been giving him space, each moment of it getting longer and longer as the days went on. More, more, and more. While it appeared to be perfectly fine, there was the subtle sign of them growing a little farther apart. Just a little. If he was being honest to himself, the only times they went out together was for groceries or other essentials. When he offered a date, Tsukishima would simply say no. There was still those small gestures, but it would become less and less...

More importantly, Tsukishima was losing himself. That dark void of not knowing what’s going wrong and right in life, the questioning of a purpose... it was an endless cycle. 

This is why it had to be different today.

He was not going to watch them fall back down into that hole: the hole in which memories and alterations create pain. Not again. That cannot happen again. 

He felt rather refreshed after affirming that to himself.

Yet... it wouldn’t be easy to talk to him about something like this.

Kuroo got up from the chair, brushing off any little bits of hair that was left on his neck. He handed back the small mirror to Terushima, who was sweeping up the fallen hair when Yamaguchi and Tsukishima popped back into the living area.

”Tada!” Yamaguchi gave a spin as he pointed to the fresh platinum backing of his hair. It was only the lower half of his hair that was blonde, the contrast of it between his dark hair making a nice accent. Terushima grinned, finally finishing with all of his cleaning from the haircut. He walked over to Yamaguchi, looking at his hair happily. 

“Shining as brightly as you do now,” he gently poked Yamaguchi’s cheeks, earning a sweet smile from him. Terushima kissed his cheeks, making Yamaguchi more flustered than he already was. Kuroo simply glanced at Tsukishima, who gave him a look that read “ _yes, they are always disgustingly sweet_ ”, but even that glance had lacked some words.

”Oh, Yuuji, are we still on for that date?” Yamaguchi asked looking back from Terushima to Kuroo.

”Yep! Why do you ask?”

”Can we make it a double date?”

Yamaguchi’s stare stayed on Kuroo, “I want to go on a double date with Tsukki and Kuroo. We’ve never been on one with them, so...”

Terushima nodded, “That’s fine with me. Are you two up for it?” he turned to look at Kuroo and then at Tsukishima.

Ah. An opportunity. Perfect!

Tsukishima titled his head to the side, uncertainty filling his face once more, “I’m not sure about that. I have a lot of work to do, and I’m sure Kuroo-“

”We’d love to,” Kuroo interrupted before Tsukishima could finish. 

“Great!” Terushima gave a thumbs up, “Lemme just get changed and then we can get going. I’ll be right back,” he smiled, leaving the living area to go to his room. Yamaguchi followed a few moments later, remembering that he had to grab something as well. 

“What was that about?” Tsukishima crossed his arms once the two were out of range, “You told me it would only be the haircut, nothing more.”

Kuroo had his hands behind his back as he made his way to Tsukishima, “Tsukki, it’s a double date. We’ve never been on one of those! Don’t you think it would be kinda fun?” he asked with a sly grin, “Besides, I remembered that you’ve been having art blocks recently. Maybe you can get some inspiration on the date?”

Tsukishima pinched the bridge of his nose , pushing his glasses up slightly as he sighed deeply. He shook his head slightly, “Okay. We’ll go. Right afterwards though-“

”Work. I know, Tsukki. I know.”

* * *

An interactive museum. Known as, “Five Senses”, it is a pop up museum centered on aesthetics and displays that are dedicated to stimulating the five senses; smell, touch, taste, sound and sight. Supposedly, it’s supposed to be an experience to ensure a happy and calm mindset.

He would be a little more calmer if there weren’t so many deadlines on his mind. 

Kuroo pulled him away from his thoughts before he could even scratch at the surface. Tsukishima glanced down at his hand, a cool touch seeping into the warmth of his hand. Kuroo’s cold fingers twined themselves in the crooks of Tsukishima’s hand, readjusting his grip to make it comfortable for the both of them. He could practically feel Kuroo’s smile without even looking at him.

”See? It’s perfect for inspiration,” Kuroo pointed around with his free hand, “You can even have professionally photographed photos for the visual section of the museum.”

”It’s probably because it’ll be ones of those photo booth or aesthetic Instagram places,” Tsukishima nodded towards a sign in front of the register.

“There are lots of things to take pictures of here,” Yamaguchi chimed in after he collected their tickets, “I’ve done a fair portion of photo shoots with some of the stands, but I haven’t see most of them yet.”

Yamaguchi gave them their tickets and soon they were on their way. A person scanned their tickets, gave them a map, and allowed them into the museum exhibit. Tsukishima looked around, five different entrances right in front of them. 

“Tsukki, why don’t you are Kuroo go on ahead?” Yamaguchi suggested, “I want to get some photos from the exclusive Sight photo walls before more people come.” 

“I thought this was a double-“

”Hey, cmon on now Tsukki,” Terushima looped his arm around Yamaguchi, “We can always meet up at the Taste exhibit. It’s not actually an exhibit, it’s just the cafeteria with some other things. All these rooms have paths to the other ones, so we’ll cross paths too.”

”But-“

”Okay! If we don’t see each other on the paths, we’ll go for dinner at Taste,” Yamaguchi declared, “Let’s go Yuuji, off to get some photos!”

Tsukishima wasn’t able to get another word in as he the couple went down the Sight path. Kuroo didn’t say a word, only swinging their hands slightly and rocking on his heels. Tsukishima looked back at the other rooms, not sure of where to go.

”I’m good with anything,” Kuroo spoke up, “We can just follow them if you want.”

”It doesn’t really matter to me either,” Tsukishima shrugged, “Where do you want to go?”

”Lets just go in order,” Kuroo nodded towards the same door that Yamaguchi and Terushima went through, We’ll go sight, smell, touch, sound, and then meet up with them at the last. Sounds good?”

”Sounds good.”

They went off, following the colored path to the first exhibit. Right off the bat, Tsukishima was met with vibrant pulsing lights around him. It went across the color spectrum in different forms; pastels, muted, neon, and so on.The further they went in, the more the exhibit had to offer. The pulsing lights had faded as the photo pop ups had appeared. Ball pits, intricate optical illusions, and the usual aesthetic spots were open for the public. He could see another entrance within the exhibit towards the exclusive rooms Yamaguchi was talking about.

”Tsukki, they have one of those hanging light stands for photos,” Kuroo pointed to a room near the end, “Ya know, like the ones that look like jellyfish hanging from the ceiling. Do you want to take some pictures?”

“Pictures?”

”Yeah. What else would a museum like this would be perfect for?”

”What, you want me to pose all dramatically like the people in the posters?” Tsukishima joked as the walked their way to the room.

Kuroo chuckled, “You want to jump and get a photo in the air like in a Broadway musical? I’m down. You can even burst out in song if you want.”

”Kuroo.”

”A little ‘Under the Sea’ won’t hurt anyone Tsukki,” Kuroo sighed softly as they stood in front of the room, “See? Jellyfish lights.”

He was right. They weren’t just hanging lights, the tops were actually in the shapes of jellyfish. Suspended, glowing, and simply sitting still in the air as if it was an ocean. The “tentacles” were the actual string lights that hanged low to the ground so that people could go through, just like curtains. The room was blue, a serene blue that was easy on the eyes along with the glowing display. The deep vast ocean... that’s basically what it looked like.

“How nice,” they murmured at the same time.

Kuroo glanced at him, a smile appearing once more at the corner of his lips. Tsukishima rolled his eyes, knowing that Kuroo would say something along the lines of couple telepathy or something like that. They went into the room, only a few other people being there at the very back.

He let go of Kuroo’s hand to pull out his phone, “You first? It’s a _great_ opportunity to finally post on your Instagram.”

”Tsukki, that sounded _way_ too sarcastic over a picture,” he laughed, “Does my Instagram page not suit your sophisticated tastes, Mr. “I post dinosaur memes to my private story”? 

“At least it’s not close up shots of my forehead.”

”That was one time, and I was a little tipsy because of my birthday party.”

”And what about that video of you dramatically recreating that _Back to the Future_ scene with the guitar solo during one of the biggest award shows in Japan?”

”...I’m still proud of that, but touché.”

“Just pose with the lights, Kuroo.”

He took a few photos, Kuroo flashing his smirk as he touched some of the lights. Tsukishima checked them, making sure that there was nothing taking away from the aesthetic of the room. He then switched places with Kuroo, taking a few quick photos for himself and later taking plain photos of the room for references.

Before they left them room, Tsukishima looked up at the lights one last time. They reminded him of something... just for a moment when they pulsed, it looked just like-

Stage lights.

He could hear a muffled sound stuck in his head. Almost like a familiar song, and almost like somewhere he could belong. Yet, an earshot away he could feel immense pressure being applied. Failure. Not good enough. The background shadow of any artist out there. Tsukishima sighed to himself, leaving the room as it pulsed one more time.

He wondered if it really was impossible to go back, but what did he know? 

There was no need to try so hard if failure was inevitable for him.

-

After a few more photos, the two plowed through the next two exhibits: smell and touch. The “Smell” exhibit was basically a bunch of different sections with various scents that could induce serenity and “to become youthful”. It was just an over glorified way to say, “this will help you relax”. Nevertheless, it was nice to find scents that were easy on the nose, as both Kuroo and Tsukishima weren’t very fond of the strong body sprays that were offered in stores. It was more of a problem with Kuroo, who would sometimes be doused in the name brand cologne for ads or events. Conveniently, the exhibit had offered to sell the scents from the rooms in a small shop at the very end, and they were not hesitant to buy some. 

Leaving the gift shop of that section, the two moved onto the path for “Touch”. Texture walls, different temperature sensors for certain sections, and all sorts of different stimulating touch based things were shown in different rooms. In one room with generally warm sensory items, there was some information and interaction with a reusable hand warmer. A small disc would be pressed in the pack, and then there would be something released that caused the rest of the liquid in the pack to warm up. Once used, the person could boil the pack and it would be reset to it’s original state. 

There was a display with the packs in front of him. Tsukishima touched one of them, and sure enough, they were warm. Warmer than he expected, but it was actually very effective. He looked around for Kuroo, who was now looking at something about temperature reactions. Kuroo finished doing his thing, walking back to where Tsukishima was.

”Hm? Hand warmers?” Kuroo asked as he approached.

Tsukishima only nodded. He just took Kuroo’s hand and placed it onto of the heat pack. Kuroo smiled as he realized what Tsukishima wanted to accomplish from showing him the display.

“Cold hands,” Tsukishima muttered, “Always cold. So...”

”You wanted to offer me a solution to my ice hands huh?” Kuroo stifled a laugh, “Hey, why do I need these when...”

Kuroo took his hand away from the hand warmer and grabbed Tsukishima’s hand instead. He intertwined his fingers, bringing Tsukishima’s hand up to his lips to kiss the back of it. 

“When I have your hands?” Kuroo grinned, lowering his hand back down, “It’s much warmer and feels better. Too bad I can’t just take you everywhere I go. Unless...”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, the faintest touch of heat warming up the tips of his ears, “Oh haha, just chop them off and take them with you when you start touring again.”

”I can’t do that! How else are you going to paint or play guitar-“ 

Kuroo caught himself before he could finish the sentence. He looked over at Tsukishima, his lips now pressed into a thin line. He averted his gaze just after one look, as if there was some sort of guilt engulfing him from simply mentioning a guitar.

“It’s fine. You know that, right?” Tsukishima spoke up after the silence had dragged on for too long.

”I know. But...”

”But?”

He wanted to say something. Tsukishima could read it across his face, yet he hesitated heavily on speaking out. Kuroo shook his head, “Never mind. I lost my train of thought.”

That was not like him.

“C’mon, next room,” Kuroo nodded towards the path leading out, “We’ll get some of those hand warmers on the way out.”

They did just that. However, the path down to the second to last exhibit was very quiet. Tsukishima didn’t know what to say to Kuroo. He knew that his boyfriend had always been enthusiastic about music, but had something happened aside from the past events with Viper Entertainment? It’s not like something major could have happened, especially since the company was still making arrangements. 

Or was it because of some Tsukishima did? 

No... Tsukishima had just been working, that’s all. It’s strange for him to be upset over work if that was the case. Why would Kuroo walk around eggshells because of his job? Tsukishima found it enjoyable. It was one of his passions after all. Who wouldn’t enjoy working in the dream job position? 

Right?

“Ah!” 

Tsukishima shook the thoughts away at the sound of Kuroo’s exclaim. They were now standing in front of the next exhibit: “Sound”. It was just one big room with a padded floor, music notes drifting around in holographic images along the walls. The only thing there was...

A giant piano. One of those floor pianos that you would step on to play it. The thing went all around the room, the cut off point being at the exit into the final hallway to the last “exhibit” which was “Taste”. 

“I haven’t seen one of these in forever!” Kuroo beamed, shaking their clasped hands out of excitement, “Tsukki, we have to play something. No one else is here, it’s the perfect moment to play without being interrupted-“

He stopped suddenly, the excitement dropping down as he realized what he said. There was a sigh out of his nostrils, his lips pressed into a thin line once more. 

“I know. You aren’t very fond of the idea of preforming again,” Kuroo shook his head little, “But... this technically isn’t a performance, right? It’s just you and me. That’s all.”

He voice had gotten quieter by the time he had finished his sentence. Kuroo wanted to say something, Tsukishima knew that he wanted to. There was something more going on in that head of his, but something was holding Kuroo back. What could it be? He thought they were doing just fine... at least that’s what he knew. 

Tsukishima cut off his train of thought once more before it could get out of hand. Kuroo seemed to want to play music again with him. It’s just a piano and it’ll just be a song. Just a song. Right. Nothing wrong with that.

“One time,” Tsukishima firmly stated, “Just one song. That’s it.”

He felt Kuroo’s grip tighten slightly around his hand, “Really?”

Tsukishima held up one finger, “Just one. Don’t get carried away, I’m just playing a single song. It’s not like I’m jumping back into the industry all of the sudden because of a floor piano.”

Kuroo smiled brightly, “It’s still something.”

_“Something, huh?”_

With a little bit reluctancy, Tsukishima took off his shoes and socks, as it was recommended to do so for better results. Kuroo had done the same and proceeded to jump right into it, running across the piano to test it. The jumble of notes that Kuroo’s feet had hit rang out, not a set notation, but it was enough to ensure that it was working well. Kuroo kept tapping away at the notes, trying to find a certain section to play something decent.

”There we go,” Kuroo affirmed as he kept tapping on a few keys with his feet, “That’s the one alright. Come over here, Tsukki!”

Tsukishima walked over the padded floor, looking down at the laid out keys as he passed by. He looked up as he got to Kuroo, “Do you have something in mind?” he asked, crossing his arms as he looked from Kuroo to the floor piano.

”Let’s see if this rings a bell,” Kuroo pointed to the keys, “I’ll start off. If you know, or even if you just want to improvise on it, just hop on. Okay?” he explained, a smile plastered onto his face.

But there was something else in Kuroo’s eyes. Tsukishima couldn’t put a finger on it, but he knew that something else was behind that look.

He nodded at Kuroo, “Alright, start whenever.” 

Kuroo took a deep breath, counting the beat on his fingers before he hopped on. He did that for a while, as if he was playing the whole song through his head before executing the action. Tsukishima started to count along with him. One, two, three, four...

And then, he started. 

Kuroo carefully stepped on a few keys, only the base of the progression being played slowly. He took some time between stepping back and forth, to side stepping to different keys. Of course, it wasn’t like it was going to be a high class performance since it wasn’t easy to play with only your feet. 

However, there was something about what he heard so far.

It wasn’t a song that he had heard of before. It didn’t sound familiar to anything he had heard on the radio, nor was it something from the Kuroo’s band. A song that seemed to have no existence in Tsukishima’s knowledge of music. It was had a “home” vibe to what he could tell. Just walking down a hallway or sitting with someone during a quiet rainstorm...

It felt nostalgic.

Nostalgia... is that the “something” Kuroo was aiming for?

“ _Okay then, let’s give this a shot,”_ he thought to himself as he watched the keys light up accordingly to when Kuroo stepped on them.

Tsukishima waited for the right moment to join in. As soon as Kuroo would have both of his feet off of the keys to start the progression again. One, two, three-

Four.

Tsukishima added his ideas in. Add more of a higher note to the warm under tones for those sparks. A small amount of force into it because much like nostalgia, the reminder of past events isn’t all that pretty. However, there is that distant longing and those quiets rushes of thoughts. If we could go back, if we could relax... that’s nostalgia.

For a moment, Tsukishima’s mind was completely clear of worries. All he could hear was the music around him, the sound enveloping his body as more ideas jumped out onto the keys. He could hear it get faster, crossing paths with Kuroo at some points for when they jumped to a key on the other side. There were occasions where the keys clashed, but it didn’t matter in this kind of situation. 

They ended off at the highest point. Tsukishima held the last note until it faded off, letting go of a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding in. He stepped off of the last key, sighing softly as silence filled the room again.

”There. A single song,” Tsukishima nodded to himself, turning to look at Kuroo, “I haven’t heard of that before though. Is it one of your in progress tracks-“

The words got caught on his tongue when he saw the way Kuroo was staring at him. Those amber eyes twinkled, a familiar glint that he hadn’t seen in a while shined throughout his gaze. Kuroo smiled gently, suddenly walking over to him a pulling his into a tight embrace. 

It felt as if Kuroo was reuniting himself with something he had lost. 

“That was amazing,” Kuroo murmured, pushing himself away from Tsukishima after a few seconds, “You’re amazing,” he grinned.

There was a small sting going through his head. Tsukishima eye twitched as he kept feeling it, as if it was stabbing at some faded thought. Something about that sounded awfully familiar. He knew Kuroo said that before during college, but why did it feel like-

Like he said this rather recently before? Same tone, same smile, same glint... Kuroo’s at most admiration and excitement towards a well done production.

It was most prominent towards music.

“Tsukki?”

Tsukishima blinked several times, his eyes dry from how long he had been staring out into space from all the thinking. He shook his head slightly, the stinging still hitting in the same spot. Kuroo was still standing in front of him, the glint fading off into the distance as he observed Tsukishima’s face closely.

”Tsukki?” he repeated, “Do you feel alright? Is something bothering you?”

“No,” he finally said, “Nothings wrong. I just got caught up in something, that’s all.”

Kuroo nodded, moving away from Tsukishima, “C’mon. Let’s go. There’s nothing left here, so might as well move on to wait for Yamaguchi and Teru,” he said as he walked back to where the shoe storage was. 

Tsukishima followed Kuroo, narrowing his eyes at his backside. Music... it had to be about music. Tsukishima couldn’t say that’s Kuroo wasn’t supportive of his art, but there was just something different in his actions whenever Tsukishima had the slightest interest in music. It was almost as if Kuroo wished for him to be back in the industry.

How would that go? He’d join the company, start making music again...

Then there would be the down talking, immense pressure of being an artist, painting the perfect fake personality, and eventually falling out of it because of the repetitive cycle of failure. All over again, it would happen all over again.

So, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to go back to an old career. Tsukishima was fine with what he was doing. It was a secure job, and it allowed him to be himself. It couldn’t be better than that.

Right?

* * *

The surface of the memory seal had been cracked. He knew that it had to have been. 

Throughout the entire drive back home, Kuroo had noticed that Tsukishima kept staring out into space. Even a few times, he would shake his head or squeeze his eyes tightly, as if he was feeling a pain in his head. Kuroo knew that feeling very well. He had to have remembered or at least recognized something. Kuroo had done that song in particular on purpose. 

Nostalgia.

It was the song that they composed when they went to Sendai. Not only that, but it was one of their recent releases. It was a fresher memory, so perhaps it would have been easier to crack a spot open with those kind of memories.

He also felt like Tsukishima had remembered a _feeling.  
_

Tsukishima smiled for most of the time they were playing. From the corner of his eyes, he saw the hints and traces of a smile. It was the same expression he had whenever he throughly enjoyed what he was doing: a small side smile with his eyes completely relaxed. So subtle, but Kuroo knew that look by heart. 

He said that today was going to be different. He had to try. 

They got to their apartment, parked the car, took their things and went straight up to the apartment. It was the standard things anyone would do once they got home: take off outside wear, shoes, put away things that were bought...

And the few times they went out before this, Tsukishima would go straight to his makeshift studio and work while Kuroo would do some housekeeping or things for the company. 

That didn’t happen today.

Kuroo was sitting in the living room, glancing over to Tsukishima who was on his wooden stool in front of his drawing desk. He was tapping his pencil on the board, not a single scribble sounding out for a few minutes. After a few more minutes, Tsukishima gave a heavy sigh. Too quiet. It was a good opening for them to talk through things. 

“Kei.”  
”Tetsurou.”

Kuroo glanced up at the sound of his name, while Tsukishima had just turned around in his chair. Kuroo and Tsukishima furrowed their eyebrows at each other, Kuroo being more confused to what Tsukishima wanted to say to him. Usually, he didn’t want to talk when he was having difficulty with art. If he did, he immediately jumped into the talk about possible ideas. So, what else would be say? Unless...

His suspicions were right, weren’t they?

“You first,” Kuroo gestured his hand towards Tsukishima.

”If you have something to say, you can go first,” Tsukishima said back to him, “I can wait.”

Kuroo shook his head, “No, just... come sit down over here. I think we both have something on our minds.” 

He patted the empty spot next to him. Tsukishima placed whatever he had in his hands down, getting up from his seat and pushing it back into its place. Kuroo scooted over to make more space as Tsukishima walked over, but apparently that was not needed. 

His eyes widened as he felt Tsukishima push him back lightly, his arms looping around Kuroo as he nestled himself snuggly next to Kuroo on the couch. A sigh coming through his nose tickled Kuroo’s neck, Tsukishima’s eyes staying closed for a long time. Kuroo just wrapped his arms around Tsukishima, closing his eyes as well for a brief moment. They collected their thoughts within each warmth. It had been a while since they had a one of these moments.

”You okay?” Kuroo asked quietly.

Tsukishima sighed heavily again, “No... not really.”

“Talk to me, you know I’m always here to listen,” he murmured in return.

”I think we both have things to say and listen to, Tetsu.”

Kuroo opened his eyes slightly to look at Tsukishima. His eyelids were partially open, the gaze averted from Kuroo’s face. Tsukishima only looked away into the distance, readjusting himself to have his cheek rested on Kuroo’s chest. The blond hummed slightly in thought, the frown becoming deeper the longer time passed.

”Tetsurou... what makes you stay in your career path?” Tsukishima carefully asked.

“You mean being a musician?” Kuroo replied, looking back up at the ceiling, “Tell me why you think I stay, Kei.”

Tsukishima didn’t hesitate to reply, “Because you succeed in that field. Producer, guitarist, singer, and the list can go on. Geez, what can’t you do?” he said with a bite of sarcasm on his tongue, “Even your failures could be considered successful. The place where people belong is where they can thrive. That’s why you stay.”

Kuroo’s eyes stayed focused on the look behind those frames. Tsukishima’s eyes were down casted, his eyes now trained on the floor, practically glued. For some reason, he felt like along with Tsukishima’s memories, the one moral he always preached had been swept away with them. If that’s the case...

He shook his head, “Nope. You wanna guess again?”

”Huh?”

”That’s not the reason I stay in the industry,” he gave a chuckle, “If that was the reason, I would have been rather unhappy and a little greedy, don’t you think?” 

“It’s still stable for you,” Tsukishima muttered, picking at same yellow fuzz in Kuroo’s shirt, “If you have a talent, you take advantage of it in order to make a living. But...”

“But?”

Tsukishima sighed heavily, “You haven’t gone over your head because of fame. That’s the only thing I hate about that industry. Fame. It can fulfill you or kill you. How ironic.”

“Ironic because it’s the thing that makes one stay afloat, right?”

Tsukishima nodded, “That’s why I stopped. What’s the point of joining an industry in which you either fail or succeed with a fifty percent chance rate? If your presence is too small, you’ll never live well. If your presence is too big, more pressure and stress is added. It’s pointless.”

Tsukishima’s lips parted again, more words hanging on his tongue, but nothing coming out. There was the faintest shake in his eyes, as if he was choking on his thoughts so much to the point in which he couldn’t even say anything else. Kuroo could practically read what he wanted to say.

”But what if it’s not?” Kuroo finished the unspoken words.

Tsukishima stopped picking as Kuroo’s shirt. Again, his answer was held back. Tsukishima only gave a slight hum, “Not pointless, huh?”

”Think about it, Kei,” Kuroo started to explain, “A career can define you or break you, I do agree with that. However... you can only be broken if you allow yourself to. Will you let what everyone else says about you shut you down?”

”I-“

”Or,” Kuroo continued before Tsukishima could cut him off, “Will you live for yourself?”

Tsukishima’s eyes widened slightly. He finally glanced back up at Kuroo, his eyebrows curiously rising up slightly, “Myself? I am doing myself a favor. I’m in a stable career that I enjoy, and it’s keeping me alive. Right. I’m fine with how it’s carving out, right.

There it was. The questioning, self reassurance, and the re-evaluation. He was remembering something. He knew it.

”Kei, I’m going to be honest with you,” Kuroo finally brought up what had been bothering him earlier, “You... you aren’t happy with yourself right now, are you?”

Silence.

”Your work is swarming your mind, 24/7, and that doesn’t give yourself a time to breathe,” Kuroo continued, saying what he felt like he had observed over the past months, “Yes, you do have your creative liberty, and yes you have a job that includes your talent. Yet...”

Kuroo narrowed his eyes, tilting his head to the side, “It’s empty.”

”Empty?”

”Kei, do you remember how I looked like when we dated before my erasure?” Kuroo asked, sitting up slightly.

Tsukishima also sat up to match his eye level, “You were annoyingly enthusiastic about music,” he rolled his eyes, but his voice was lined with that sense of nostalgia, “I’m pretty sure there were moments in which I thought, “ _damn, is this guy into me or the music score and production?””_

The blonde pushed his glasses back into their proper place, “You had a glow to it all. A spark in your eyes, a warm and intrigued look. In the zone,” he ended at that.

”But you don’t look like that with your current job, Kei.”

Once again, Tsukishima’s eyes opened up even more, a scoff slipping by, “Me? Not happy with what I’m doing? That’s ridiculous,” he shook his head, turning his head away, “So is this what you were worried about. Me and my job? Is this what you wanted to say back at the museum?”

”Yes, actually,” Kuroo admitted, “Because I saw that look in that room.”

”What?”

”The glow. The spark, the slight smile, and that intense concentration,” Kuroo crossed his arms, “In the zone. It was all because of that piano. You had to have noticed something when you played, didn’t you?”

Tsukishima sighed heavily, “It was just one song. How much could a song, any song, tell you about my feelings, hm?” 

“A lot, actually.”

”Oh yeah? Prove it.”

Kuroo completely sat up, Tsukishima also now sitting up as Kuroo moved around to get up. Kuroo cocked on eyebrow, challenging Tsukishima to what he had said.

”You know I don’t back down from bets, Kei. Wait right here.”

He got up from the sofa, walking straight to the bedroom. Kuroo grabbed his guitar that was propped up next to the keyboard, taking it back into the living room. Tsukishima crossed his arms as Kuroo sat next to his again, his fingers already adjusted on the neck of the acoustic. 

A song, hm? 

Just one song wouldn’t be enough.

Kuroo strummed away, starting off from the first he could remember from the long list of productions.

” _For your information, I hate confrontation_ ,” Kuroo quietly started, “ _I hate the lies, and all the fabrication. Like faux trees and burning rubber, there’s nothing more toxic than the fumes of others... chitchat, chitchat, away, for your information, I hate confrontation..._ ”

He switched up the chords when the time was right. Another college track, “ _Alone together, yes it’s forever... it’s for the best for you and me to rest in this cavern we call love, nothing else will go above...”_

Switch up to something a little faster, “ _Memories! We don’t have any memories... they’re for those who share a heart and soul, but for you and me... we don’t have any memories. Dearest, who? Can you hear me, can you see me? I know all, but you don’t remember the fall... so to me, we don’t have any memories!”_

More.

” _A single spark can ignite the flame, but oh who am I to blame!_ ” he sang out, singing ‘ _Burn_ ’, a b-side from his debut album, “ _Stomp it out, the mess that you made, hope this fickle flames dies down... burns out._ ”

More.

” _Hollow, heartless chest, won’t you put me to rest? This loneliness is unfamiliar_ ,” he kept going, taking in breaths whenever he could, “ _What’s this? Who is that in the mirror? That’s not me, that’s someone strange, I’ve never seen someone who could change- so quickly, so suddenly- That’s not me, that’s someone strange...”_

Kuroo’s fingertips were red as they kept changing progressions, “ _Bite my head off, and chew me up, spit me out, like a gummy- FYI, I’m no hard candy- like a jelly, soft exterior and fragile body... my sour mind thinks it’s funny when you chew me up and spit me out...”_

One more.

Kuroo finally slowed down from all the fast changes, taking a small moment to fully catch his breath. He went back a pace at the perfect level: not too fast, but not too slow. A medium, lazy, yet has your feet tapping rhythm.

” _Something is written within these walls, laughter and cheers ringing throughout the halls_ ,” he softly smiled as he strummed, “ _In some different life, maybe we were meant to be, no inconveniences, just you and me and peace-“_

” _It’s kinda nostalgic how years ago we felt so familiar, taking everything slow_ ,” he heard Tsukishima murmur, “ _Now I can’t find you...”_

 _”Where are you buried? Where do you hide?”_ they sang together, “ _Don’t worry, I’ll be right here, waiting for the day when you’ll be by my side, by my side... waiting for you to be by my side.”_

Kuroo hummed as he finished his makeshift mashup. The songs that Tsukishima Kei, YELLOW MIND, had produced. He lifted his fingers away from the neck of the guitar, a satisfactory sigh released as he breathed out. He glanced towards Tsukishima to see some sort of reaction.

“That’s... that’s,” Tsukishima mumbled over and over again, trying to put his finger on what exactly it was that he heard.

”It’s your most popular songs, straight from the great hands of YELLOW MIND, solo artist, rising indie and mixed media musician. That’s all yours. Every single last bit of it.”

”That’s was mine. It _was_ mine, right? I don’t remember some of those songs, so they _were_ mine, not anymore,” Tsukishima muttered, his eyes staying on the guitar. 

”But they still are,” he gestured to the guitar, “You never left. Do you know why?”

Tsukishima bit on the fingernail of his thumb as he thought about it. He narrowed his eyes slightly, an answer coming across his eyes, but it was a hesitant response once more. He shook his head slightly, most likely to himself as his train of thought went deeper, and deeper...

”It’s because you did things for yourself,” Kuroo grinned, “Music for the comfort of yourself. You vent, you smile, you rage, and you love through music. Raw and pure emotions. A genuine passion, you know?” 

Tsukishina stayed silent.

”I always see that spark whenever you played music,” Kuroo looked down at his guitar, “Faliure? That’s the last thing that you thought about. As long as you produced music that made yourself and others feel good, that was all that mattered to you.”

He started to look back up, “Of course there are times where you feel pressured because of it, but you really did focus solely on your music. Fame, advertising, and all those other things... out the window. You always said-“

”That no matter how famous, how rich, or how well-known I get... I’ll never forget my roots, never create a fake persona, and never lose myself to that lime light. I do music as my true persona. Hardships and everything.”

Kuroo finally looked up at Tsukishima. He had the softest smile on his face, his eyes slightly watering as he nodded. He looked over at Kuroo, a laugh of disbelief bubbling out of his throat. Tsukishima pushed his glasses up to wipe his eyes. 

Memories don’t always have to come back painfully. Sometimes, they just settle in quietly, like wave coming onto the seashore. He watched as Tsukishima kept laughing to himself, tapping his own head slightly as he collected his words. 

“Hey... it’s YM here,” Tsukishima imitated his introduction when he did appear on interviews, “Where the mind becomes the production, and the production becomes a story. Happy to be here,” his voice cracked slightly at the end.

He pushed his glasses back down, “So... I guess I have to report back to the company about canceling future album covers?” 

When the glasses went back down, Kuroo could see the slight gleam in his eyes. It was back. The memories came back.

Kuroo beamed, “Happy to have see that emptiness fill itself back in with life.”

”It did feel like something was missing,” Tsukishima took the guitar from Kuroo, “it felt like I haven’t touched this in ages...” 

“Still got it in you?”

”I think I have just the thing.”

Tsukishima took sometime to adjust to his fingers. He played a few different chords, some a little off as he hadn’t played in a while. Eventually, Tsukishima picked up a slow and steady rhythm, one foot tapping on the floor as he found what he wanted to play.

A soft melodic tune that would remind anyone of a glowing night.

”Firefly,” Kuroo murmured, “You had an arrangement in mind for it, didn’t you?”

”Mhm,” Tsukishima responded quietly as he kept playing, “It was when we went on that date to the flower fields. A song that helps someone calm down to the core, a reminder, a memory, and a shared connection.”

”It’s beautiful,” Kuroo gently smiled, “An entire relationship in a single song with no words. But even then...”

He said with certainty, “The person who plays it is even more than that. Golden, even.”

Tsukishima ended the tune in a soft note. Kuroo was taken back as Tsukishima walked away with the guitar, dipping into the corner of the hallway. The memories did come up suddenly, so perhaps there was some overwhelming sense that took over. Kuroo waited for a while, Tsukishima soon reappearing with a box. He walked right over to the space near the balcony, scanning over his make shift art studio.

Carefully, he placed things back into their cases, tucked away papers, folded up stands, and he placed them into the box. The last thing he placed on top were the plans for a poster, which would be passed back to the design department. Lastly, he fully pushed back the curtains of the balcony door. 

The sky was fading into the night as the sky became darker. Snow clouds cracked opened, peaks of the warm sun shining through for its last moments before the moon took over. The snow was still falling, but not as heavy as it was in the morning. They gently swayed down to the ground, a few sticking to the glass of the balcony door. The blond’s pink pullover almost had that winter glow to it because of the lights from outside. Tsukishima sighed out deeply, his body completely relaxing. 

”Clear mind,” he simply said as he looked out.

The view had been covered for the past view months. It was always cluttered in an organized fashion, yet the curtains had never been pushed back. The only source of light was from the artificial sources of the room, so on occasions the room would look a tad dreary. Stress, emptiness, and even concealment of every worry would consume that corner.

Now, it almost looked like a golden kissed winter. The New Years light filled the dim living area, that mixture of warmth and cold from the snowy day as the skies were starting to open once more.

Kuroo walked over to Tsukishima, coming up from behind him to wrap his arms around Tsukishima’s waist. He rested his chin on Tsukishima’s shoulder, gazing outside at the serene moment. For a while, he couldn’t even see the other buildings in the area. The cold evening had taken over their eyes, and Kuroo can feel as his mind melted back into the state that it was supposed to be. No worries, no stress, just this moment.

He smiled as the snow started to become less and less. It soon stopped, the clouds fully breaking away to show the evening sky. Every single thought that consumed them fell away from their minds. Kuroo sighed softly, saying the one thing he hadn’t said in a while since that event.   
  


”Crystal clear mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m dead, I’m alive but I’m dead x_x
> 
> Finally, winter break is here! Stay safe for those going to visit family or friends. 
> 
> Also, 4K here and 10k on Life Through Glass and Burn !!! Thank you guys so much :D


	36. Life Goes On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life Goes On - Digital Single  
> From: Silver Lining, Digital Single
> 
> Look up at the sky  
> Take a deep breath as clouds drift away  
> These times will soon pass by  
> It may be rough today  
> Life goes on, life goes on  
> I’ll see you on the path as life goes on.

He thought that by now, he would have lost track of time. Yet, every single day, he marks down in his mind on how many days have passed by since everything that had happened.

January 25th, 2021.

It had been exactly 124 since he had been incarcerated for abuse of authority, assault, manipulation of stocks, and several other claims. Everything had happened in a blur, so he could barely remember if they had ever given him a sentence. They probably did, but it didn’t really matter to him. This was inevitable.

All Daishou knew, was that he was going to be in this place for a very long time. Cold, dark, grimy... unpleasant. It’s not like he expected for it to be a glorified place, but the fact that he had a growing regret in his chest for everything-

Was what felt off.

He had always been told to be proud of his decisions and everything that he did to keep the company up, but if he was being honest to himself, ever since Mika had slipped away from his mind, he just...

Blacked out.

Of course, there were things that he did on his own. His mother never told him to erase memories of every single person who ticked him off, but she had implied that it was to do so when she abducted Mika. He was never told to provoke Ushijima by trying to take Sakusa, but he had to take advantage of a weakness. People would do anything when they are scared for their own safety or those of their loved ones. Fear is power, and power is what stays at the top.

Sometimes he wondered, if power feels so good, why did he feel nothing more than that? No remorse, no sympathy, nothing. Just the idea power running through his veins was all that he had felt. Where did everything else go?

Normally, he wouldn’t be questioning himself so much. However, staying cooped in a cell block gives one a lot of time to think.

”Number 014566, Daishou Suguru? Someone’s here to see you.”

Daishou got up from the corner of his cell, sighing deeply as he watched the guard take out handcuffs. They seemed even more cautious around Daishou, but he wasn’t surprised. The only reason he was alone in a cell was because it was actually isolation. His parents ended up in the same prison as him. The moment his father saw him, he had snapped at Daishou.

It was one of the first times he had seen his father be so pissed. The only thing he could remember was that he screamed, “ _Why did you have to follow your mother’s footsteps, you idiot!”_

Daishou only laughed at that. His mother’s pawn. As if he wasn’t his father’s for some time as well...and when he had the guts to say that out loud, his father completely lost it. 

How ridiculous.

The cold cuffs were clasped around his wrists, the guard soon taking Daishou over to the visiting rooms. Daishou kept his head down as he walked forward, taking count of every step he took. He wondered who would be here to visit. The lawyers? More reporters? Relative begging for them to sign off their home and belongings? 

“You have ten minutes for each person,” the guard relayed as they opened the door to the small booth, “You are recorded at all times on camera as well, so no funny tricks.”

”Understandable,” he smirked, “As if I could do anything with these on,” he shook his hands.

The guard only nodded towards the room, signaling for Daishou to go inside. He went into the room, his eyes still downcast as he sat in the chair in front of a bulletproof window. Daishou slowly looked up, expecting to see some hopeless lawyer or another annoying aunt.

”Kiyoomi?” he mumbled, raising on eyebrow.

“It’s Sakusa for you,” Ushijima- aka- Sakusa Kiyoomi responded coldly, an even sharper frown plastered across his face as he pulled his mask down, “You have no right to say either of our names. Not Ushijima, not Wakatoshi, and not Kiyoomi either.”

”Hm, I guess you finally mustered up confidence to stand up for yourself more efficiently,” Daishou rested his chin in his hand as he leaned against it, “I guess it helps since I’m behind bars, huh?”

”It was inevitable that you’d have your downfall,” Sakusa continued not phased by anything Daishou said, “Besides, you aren’t the CEO any longer. We are.”

”Come again?”

”You know this very well, Daishou,” Sakusa trained his eyes on him, “You’ve lost. Everything is gone for you. The company is no longer under your families name. It’s fully under ours.”

Huh?

”You have no where to return to,” Sakusa stated, his dark eyes not changing with every word he said, “If you do end up out of here somehow, no one will accept you. Your career is ruined, your family is in shambles, and everyone knows who you really are. It’s funny, isn’t it?” he chuckled.

It quickly died down, that grim frown on his face again, “You said you’d ruin our lives. I think it’s actually going to get better from here on out.”

“Say what you really wanted to say, Kiyoomi,” Daishou narrowed his eyes, “You didn’t come here just to taunt me.”

”Perhaps I did,” he smiled, “Maybe it’s one of the many reasons I came to this place. The priority, however, is to tell you this.”

Sakusa clasped his hands together, “ _Viper Entertainment_ has officially become a subsidiary label under _Fly High Entertainment._ Ushijima Wakatoshi and Kiyoomi were announced as the CEO and main director of the renewed Viper Entertainment. We are currently rearranging contracts and regulations for the comfort of our artists. In other words...”

He smirked, “They’re free.”

Daishou felt his eye twitch, “What about you? On a technicality, you and Wakatoshi are accomplices. There can’t be complete freedom for those who worked with me.”

”Oh I know,” Sakusa fiddled with his fingers, “However, it had been overruled by a majority that as we were drugged, it was manipulation, even brain-washing to an extent since we could barely remember who we’ve hurt due to ALPHA,” his voice started to get harsher, “Only some memories surged, but the constant wiping of those horrendous moments are mostly gone. The recovery pills only helped to get rid of the side-effects as of now, at least in our case.”

Sakusa shook his head slightly, “Either way, we weren’t completely off the hook, as deserved. We were on probation for a month, which was served in the later portion of December and earlier in January. They waited till Ushijima had recovered his memories- or to put it kindly, they gave us time to settle back in. In terms with the company, we currently are not making profit as CEO and director. We are allowed to help in deciding arrangements, but the company is mostly in the hands of Ukai Keishin as of now.”

”So... everything really just fixed itself for you, hm?” he sneered, “Always getting the easy way out, huh-“

”You’re upset because it isn’t the same for you.”

The words hanged off of the edge of Daishou’s tongue, a sudden choke in his voice as Sakusa said those words. Sakusa’s eyes had changed, all the bitterness and anger washing away, the tide turning into pure...

Pity.

”You’re upset because we didn’t receive the same treatment as you did. You wanted us to lose everything,” Sakusa calmly explained, “Our love, our passion, our hard-work, just everything that made us human. You wanted that gone... because it was taken away from you. You want us to suffer as much as you did, am I right?”

”That’s ridiculous-“

“Then why else would you do this?” Sakusa tilted his head, “For fun? Possibly. However, you are broken. Your mother shattered the last of your humanity the moment she made you watch Mika’s erasure. There was nothing else you could do. You felt empty-“

”Enough.”

”Alone, heartless, and hopeless. The only thing that brought back a feeling was others despair and suffering-“

”I said enough.”

”So you waited for us to have the same downfall. Work miserably while accumulating wealth and fame... your carbon copy pawns. Just like your mother had done, and just like your father had done. We didn’t fall to that though. Why?”

Daishou gritted his teeth as he saw Sakusa place his hand over the left side of his own chest, “We kept whatever sanity we had left to keep going. We still had hopes, dreams, and goals. Motivation to put it in simple terms,” Sakusa nodded to himself.

”Pathetic,” Daishou spat out.

“I pity you, Daishou Suguru,” Sakusa looked back at Daishou from behind the glass, “You decided to let everything slip away from you because of your last resort,” he got up from the chair, “Power is what killed you because you believed it was your only purpose after your everything had disappeared. But...”

Sakusa looked towards the door, “She wasn’t gone forever. She is still alive. Breathing, walking, eating... she does what any other human would do. Did you ever consider the possibility that you two could have gotten back together in the end?”

Daishou froze, “Wh-what are you talking about?” he stuttered.

Sakusa only nodded his head at him, “We’ll take good care of the company. I hope you’ll think your actions over while you’re in there.”

Daishou watched at Sakusa started to leave, “What the hell are you talking about?!” he yelled as the man opened the door, getting up from his chair, “You can’t say that and then leave-!”

“Suguru?”

The world suddenly slowed down. 

As Sakusa left, someone else came in to fill his place. It wasn’t Ushijima or a reporter or a lawyer... it wasn’t any of those people who he didn’t care about. It was the one person who he used to look forward to seeing everyday. The only person who made him feel at ease just with their presence.

Mika Yamaka.

She looked the same. Parted bangs, light brown hair, and eyes as bright as a summer’s sunset. She looked straight at Daishou, all the curiosity leaving her gaze and being replaced with complete recognition.

And fear.

Daishou dropped back into the chair, hot blood pounding in his ears as Mika stepped forward to the chair. She carefully sat down, her eyes looking left and right at Daishou. She shook her head, the corner of her lips crumpling down into a wobbly frown.

”Suguru,” her voice shook, “When I said live a happy life, I didn’t mean for you to end up here!”

”Wh-what... how?” Daishou furrowed his eyebrows, “Y-you.. no you can’t- you shouldn’t- I...”

”How do I remember?” Mika said what he couldn’t spit out, “It was bound to happen with how often you appeared on TV, even before this whole event. And remember what else I said before the erasure?”

”That you’ll remember someway and somehow...”

She nodded, “We have so many memories that aren’t just in my head you know. Pictures, items, writings... there was so much that I found at home and in my car, even if it was a few months or years late.”

Her eyes watered, “You wrote me a song. It was the first song you wrote without auto tune if I remember correctly.”

Oh...

”If it was anyone else who listened to it, they would say that it was awful. Something that is so bad that ones ears would bleed!” she laughed to herself, “But... I thought it was lovely. I thought it was lovely because it was from you. And just like that, everything came back. I guess you really can’t do a great erasure when it just thrown upon someone suddenly...”

”Mika... I-“

She shook her head, the tears finally falling down her face, “I loved you. I loved you, Suguru.”

Those words destroyed him more than anything else that had happened in the span of 124 days. 

Loved.

Of course, he didn’t expect Mika to be waiting for all those past years. They way they parted though, it never felt like a complete closure to him. On that day, they were just screaming the words that came off the top of their heads before the erasure. It ended so suddenly, yet it was never a complete closure between their relationship.

Loved.

That was the past tense of love. She loved him. Everything was finally sealing itself.

But the seal in his mind that kept those memories away from his core was breaking apart. He had erased most of Mika in order to stay focused on work. What he didn’t realize until now, was that she would always be on his mind. Even those few memories that he left on purpose to make him disregard her turned into something positive. As time progressed, she would take over his mind, just peeking once in a while to say that she was still there in the back of his head. At some point in his career, she turned into a blurry memory, all other thoughts of vengeance and hatred clouding him.

But now she was here.

She was here to formally end what they had. No more waiting, and a single broken promise.

“I know you were a good person,” she smiled through tears, “But I can’t accept what you’ve done to them. Break them up by force? That’s exactly what your parents did to us... you hypocrite.”

”Mika... it was for the better-“

”The better?” she sniffled, a shot of anger on the edge of her voice, “For what? Profit and success? That’s not what will make a person happy, Suguru.”

Mika was clasping her hands tightly, “What made me happy when I was with you was that you were always there. I would call you, and you would pick up right away. You’d run over to my house when I felt down. We’d have late night dates where your parents couldn’t bother us. We were happy because we had each other... that’s all that mattered.”

She stared straight into his eyes, “They wouldn’t have been happy. Miserable and chained artists are not artists at all. I’m glad that they caught you... well done for them.”

”Mika...”

”Enough,” she held her hand up, “If that’s the only word you’ll say, then I don’t want to hear it, Su-... Daishou.” 

Daishou swallowed thickly. Mika got up from her chair, her hands still clasped tightly in front of her. She looked down, sighing to herself, and then slowly looking back up.

”I loved you, Daishou Suguru. Maybe in another life, we can be together happily. But in this one...”

She shook her head again, “I can’t be with someone who hurt so many people so badly... myself included. I hope you’ll think everything through while you’re here. Remorse. Regret. Sadness even,” she smiled a little, “Please give a signal of the old Daishou in there. That’s all I ask.”

She waved, “Goodbye, Daishou. It was nice to remember the good times we had.”

”Wait-“

She was leaving. All Daishou could see was her back as she went past the door, a guard escorting her back to the exit.

For a split moment, he wanted her to stay.

He wanted to see that smile again. He wanted to feel her warm touch, hear he sweet laughter, kiss her soft cheeks...

He wanted to live happily in that moment.

”Yamaka... Yamaka!” he started to yell as the door closed. He jumped up from his seat, his hands pressed against the glass, “Yamaka, wait! Wait! Please... come back!” he screamed.

The guards shortly came in to restrain him. Daishou continued to shout as they dragged him away from the visiting room, forcing him back into his cell. When they uncuffed him and closed his cell door, Daishou shouted as if she would still be able to hear him.

But he knew it was pointless. So why?

Why did everything have to be this way in this moment? It was pointless.

Pointless...

Eventually, he stopped. All he could do was pull his knees close to his chest and settle down. She was gone, everything was gone. What was left for him in this world?

Nothing.

Just bitterness, remorse, and anger towards the world. Everyone else had something to return to. Everyone else had someone to love. They were happy. Everything was perfect for the rest of humanity to his extent. And what for? Just to get heartbroken at some point? To lose to something else? 

He chuckled.

The chuckle turned into a rumble, a laugh erupting out of his throat. Him? Upset? Over what? He lost. He had lost everything, but at he had also won. He didn’t have to go through the future pain of losing everything. He didn’t have to lose anymore! There was absolutely nothing to lose! Isn’t that amazing? Isn’t that such a relief on his shoulders?

He laughed and laughed, so hard that tears fell from the corners of his eyes. His lips wobbled between a grin and a grimace, the laughter not stopping as he looked up.

There was nothing left to lose.

Everything from here on out was pointless. His life would be subjected to a cold, grimy, and heinous cell house. Mika was right...he would have plenty of time to think everything over. He didn’t really need to think that much... everyone would be a loser eventually.

So no, why would he regret? Why would he feel remorse? Even if he wanted to be happy, it would have ended like this somehow. It was always at the end of a timeline- the ending.

Life goes on.

So Daishou will forget about everything. He’ll move on from Mika. He’ll forget about that happiness he wanted for a brief second. Move on from his failures, the past, and everything that he lost. 

He was human for a moment. He had felt all those lost feelings in the rush of twenty minutes. He was human for twenty minutes out of 124 days. That was all he needed to be satisfied. After all...

He has lost himself.

Daishiu Suguru had lost himself to the world.

* * *

“Are you alright?”

Ushijima had just parked the car in _Fly High Entertainment’s_ building parking garage. Today, they were to meet with Ukai Keishin and his main director in order to make final decisions with _Viper Entertainment’s_ groups. It should be a joyous day, as everyone would finally receive what they wanted.

Kiyoomi’s hands were shaking. He kept scrubbing that dollop of hand sanitizer into his skin, so much that his hands were turning red. He had only nodded to Ushijima’s question.

Cautiously, Ushijima placed his hand over Kiyoomi’s. His husband finally stopped rubbing his hands raw, his skin hot from all the scrubbing. Kiyoomi sighed deeply, nodding again slowly.

”I hated every second in that filthy place,” Kiyoomi mumbled, “I don’t know... but that man had no remorse. I could see that he was feeling something, but his eyes told a different story. They never did change.”

”He can’t do anything anymore,” Ushijima reassured, “Considering that he is actually limited to a cell with some of the best security around, he won’t be able to leave and harm anyone else.”

”At that fragile state between instability and humanity, Daishou is going to break,” Kiyoomi continued to mumble, “He must have felt a rush of despair and hopelessness when Mika appeared. That must have hurt.”

”Reasonably so,” he agreed, “She was all he had left before his parents tore him into pieces. It’s not completely his fault for his actions... he simply followed what he believed would make his parents proud, and what would allow him to stay in power.”

Kiyoomi nodded, “I can’t resent him forever. Now that he’s in there, and probably will be for years, we can finally get a breath of fresh air. Of course, there will still be some bitterness... but I can’t linger there forever.”

”It’ll take time to heal from everything in the past. But for now, you can relax,” he leaned over to kiss the temple of his head, “We can both relax after we finish this.”

Last month wasn’t necessarily the easiest for them. A month of probation that included community service and fines. It was inevitable, considering that even if it was forced, a person who helped the criminal is still an accomplice to the crime. However, they received a more lenient punishment. Community service wasn’t terrible, but it still drained a lot of their energy. Then there was their unpaid work arrangements, but they had enough to get through financially during the duration of that time. For the most part, they rarely had any time to enjoy for themselves ever since Ushijima had recovered his memories.

So finally, everything was coming to an end. After they helped arrange the groups, they would finally be able to relax.

Frankly, he couldn’t wait.

He really did cherish those moments with Kiyoomi, even if it was a simple dinner together or a short drive. Only this time, he would be able to stop worrying about what would happen at work. There was no more snake slithering across their throats, no more ALPHA pill... it was almost over.

Ushijima gently squeezed Kiyoomi’s hands with the one he still had on top of them, “Come on... let’s go.”

”We still have one more job to do.”

* * *

You know, Kita had never felt more irritated than he did in this very moment. He understood what his position was in this argument, but it was rather hard to keep a level-head mind when there were two people yelling their heads off at both ends of his ears.

One of them was his boyfriend, and the other was a good friend and his group member. Yep. As everyone else would say, “the Miya twins are back at it again”! 

The reason for this squabble? 

What each of the band members want to do in the future.

“What do you mean you want to quit?!” Atsumu repeated for the tenth time today, “We still have such a long way to go, but the moment we get a free choice, you want to quit?!”

”I’ve been waiting for this “free choice” in order to do what I really want to do!” Osamu snapped back, “You stupid egotistical swine wouldn’t understand since you’ve always liked this gig more than I did!”

”Gig? Gig?!” Atsumu yelled, “We’ve been working our asses off just to keep ourselves together! We’ve made so many people happy, so many accomplishments, and there’s still more to do! This isn’t a one time gig, this is my life!” 

“And I’ve been telling you since our company has been acquired, I’m going into the film industry! I want to do music video filming plus some other things on the side,” Osamu crinkled his nose up in anger, “I want to live my own life too!”

Kita pinched the bridge of his nose, “Can we at least _try_ to put on a better impression for the people who saved the company? Hm?”

Ukai Keishin, the main producer of _Fly High_ , simply chuckled, “It’s okay. Our boys here always argue like this when it comes to decisions. We’re used to it.”

Ittetsu Takeda, the director, also laughed it off, “Frankly, we expected something like this to happened. Based on what Wakatoshi and Kiyoomi had told us, we understand that some of the artists would want to try something different. There’s nothing wrong with that, as there are many opportunities in the world but not enough time. We just hope that we can come to an agreement that will make everyone satisfied.”

“Miya, if your brother wants to join the film industry, it doesn’t mean he’ll leave the entertainment industry completely,” Sakusa emphasized from the other corner of the room, “He’ll still work with us, just in a different department.”

”And speaking of different departments,” Ushijima looked up from his notepad, “We still have something else to discuss, Kita.”

There was also one other reason why Kita didn’t want to butt into the twins argument as their leader.

”That’s right,” Kita clasped his hands together, glancing down at his ankle, “I’m looking for a change in careers as well.”

He wasn’t going to be the leader of Silver Lining any longer. 

“Huh?”

He didn’t tell Atsumu about it for a reason. There was already too much stress on his plate, so if he did tell him before this meeting, it could be very likely that he would either be angrier than he was right now, or even discouraged to continue. Although, that wasn’t something Atsumu would do. No, he would’ve done something else.

”Huh?” Atsumu repeated quietly, immediately dropping his bickering with Osamu, “You want to leave too? Why...? I thought we said that we’d be in this group together and forever. It can’t be ‘forever’ if you leave, Shinsuke.” 

”It also can’t be ‘forever’ if my condition gets worse Atsumu,” he gestured to his ankle, “I do love to dance, I can’t lie about that. However, I think it’s time that I step down from this kind of lifestyle. I can’t be an idol if I constantly have to take breaks. That’s not how it works.”

”But... doesn’t that mean our group is... disbanding?” Atsumu quietly asked, “If Osamu is going into film, and Suna wants to focus on solo projects, and then you want to leave your position... then we’ve reached the end.”

The other group members nodded.

“But-“ Kita was about to start- that is until Atsumu interrupted him.

Atsumu scrunched his nose up furiously, “Fine! You guys can leave and live your happy lives... I’ll show you all. I’ll make this career one that I can shove in your faces and make you say, “ _look how happy this guy is_!”, especially you ‘Samu!” he yelled at Osamu’s general direction, “I’ll make you eat your words-!”

Kita cleared his throat, “Atsumu, you didn’t let me finish.”

“Eh?”

”I said I didn’t want to be an idol,” he repeated, lifting up two fingers, “And as typical j-pop culture goes, an idol requires dancing and singing. I simply want to remove one out of the drawing board,” he placed a finger down.

Atsumu squinted his eyes as he processed what Kita had just said, “So... you just want to be a singer. You’re not completely quitting. Is that it?” 

Kita nodded, “If I choose to be active in the dancing field, the directors offered a choreographer position. It isn’t as much strain since I wouldn’t have to be constantly preforming on a daily basis. But yes,” he around at the people in the room, “I wish to proceed as a singer, just without dance.”

”Nevertheless,” Ushijima tapped his pen on the desk, “This still means that Silver Lining is disbanding by the members own choice. If everyone wants to start fresh, then I assume you all took into consideration what would happen.”

“Well, I didn’t know,” Atsumu rolled his eyes.

”Because even if we did tell you,” Kita looked up at the ceiling, “You would just run forward with your plans anyway, am I wrong?”

Atsumu is the kind of guy who is always hungry to improve. He is hungry to keep preforming, and his desire to be the best out there is stronger than anyone else on the team. Being discouraged wasn’t something that Atsumu would feel because of their disbanding. Instead, he would have taken that feeling to turn it into pride and motivation. Atsumu would continue his journey, with or without them. 

Atsumu crossed his arms, “You got that right!”

”So, does this mean that you are okay with the decision you all have concluded to?” Sakusa asked, “If that’s the case, then we can arrange for solo contracts-“

”But I still want to preform with you.”

Everyone was taken back by the sudden sentence from Atsumu. Kita looked away from the ceiling, his eyes meeting with Atsumu’s. Those warm yet fire like hazel eyes. They were marbled as Atsumu swallowed thickly, squeezing his eyes tightly and then opening them up again. 

He always wore his heart on his sleeve, so he knew with just one look that Atsumu was being sincere.

”Dancing is the reason I got into the industry, and it’s also something that I refuse to drop,” Atsumu fiddled with the strings of his hoodie, “But I can’t drop the reason I wanted to keep preforming either. I kept going because it was fun, but it just became even better with you by my side, Shin.”

“Atsumu...”

”I kept going because I wanted to make you proud, prouder than ever to brag to everyone around you,” he grinned, “College, the company, your family, our fans... go brag about us, Shinsuke. Keep on bragging as we continue this journey together!”

Atsumu laughed a little, an endearing smile plastered on his face as he looked into Kita’s eyes again, “I said you’re all I need, right? So let’s make some arrangements for both us to do what we love. I’ll do all the dancing, you do all the singing. Let’s make MKAY a full fledged unit!” 

Kita felt like his words were stuck against his throat. Not out of anxiety, or because he was upset... it was because he didn’t know what to say. It was something he had wanted, of course he wanted to perform with him, but he didn’t realize how much they both changed each other’s lives until this moment.

He made Kita want to derive away from the thought of doing things right. For once, Kita felt like he wouldn’t be satisfied at ending their performances at a satisfactory point.

Their time as a group was enjoyable because they were together. They influenced each other, and without realizing, he too wanted to run forward with Atsumu.

Kita placed his hand on his head, laughter bubbling out of his throat as he kept on thinking about it. He had always been in awe to see Atsumu’s skill in action, but to think that even he wanted to continue to do this for life...

”Of course,” he threw his head back, smiling softly after the laughter drained itself out, “I’ll be happy to preform with you again, and again. Let’s make this an ending that all of us can be happy about, okay?”

Atsumu’s bright smile appeared again as he leaned towards Kita, throwing his arm around him to give Kita a side embrace. Atsumu pressed a kiss to his cheek, “Happy to be your partner, Shinsuke,” he smiled against his cheek.

”Gross,” Osamu stuck his tongue out.

“I am currently ignoring you,” Atsumu muttered back at Osamu, “Actually, one more thing I have to say, ‘Samu.”

Atsumu grinned as he challenged his brother, turning back to look at him with those determined eyes, “I _will_ make you know that I was the one who lived a happier life. And I’ll keep reminding you till the day we die.” 

Osamu smirked in return, “We’ll see about that one, ‘Tsumu.”

That’s how it was settled. In a matter of time, they would be set up with different contracts. Osamu would be leaving the entertainment company in exchange for a full company, Suna would move forward to find his true style, while Kita and Atsumu would go a find a way to satisfy what they wanted to do in the music field.

As the left the office, Kita looked around at the walls of the corridor. There were posters of Fly High’s current groups, each of the artists grinning brightly by the sides of their partners. Kita sighed softly to himself, his lips curling into a soft smile.

”Thank you. For everything,” he said out loud, turning back to look at the other three.

Osamu, Suna, and Atsumu stopped walking. They smiled back, but they avoided eye contact for a while. They looked towards the ceiling or up to the ground, the overwhelming feeling of closure falling on top of them.

“To think that we fought so hard to stay together just to come to and end,” Suna gave a breathy laugh, “I guess we all really wanted to do something different, huh?”

”We were wanting to get away from Daishou’s contract,” Osamu looped an arm around Suna, “But Silver Lining isn’t gone forever. It’s still alive through our music and performance videos. We still have one song left to release... it’ll serve well as a last hurrah.”

Life Goes On. 

It was a song they composed a little bit before everything went down. The members wanted to have something set aside in case if it anything went wrong while they tried to fix things. They had actually been practicing the dance in October, but since then they had made changes to the choreography. While they planned for something intense, it was a last minute decision to make it a power ballad with r&b undertones and soft rock. It would allow them to dance in the field they all excelled in...

The main theme of the song was that life goes on. One can hang onto the past, one can look forward to the future, but what is in the moment is what one should focus on. If something wrong happens, do not cling to it: let it go, and move on. Do things right, learn from mistakes, accept the results and process... and let life move forward.

It was inevitable for Silver Lining to stay together forever. That is the fate of several groups. However, there was some satisfaction in knowing that they chose this outcome themselves. 

More than anything, they had more liberty in their choices as of now. Rather than a forced act in a concept, photos, and what they did in Daishou’s Viper Entertainment, they were now able to pave their own path. Of course, they would need help, but it was in the hands of better people who.

“It’s a relief,” he said out loud, “I’m really glad we did all of this to get here. I mean... we can always look forward to the reunion of Silver Lining at some point, but don’t you think that’s great?”

He smiled again, “We get to show ourselves as who we want to. Kita Shinuke, Miya Atsumu, Miya Osamu, and Suna Rintarou. Not from Silver Lining, but as a renewed person. Isn’t that exciting?”

The others smiled, a soft and peaceful expression washing over their faces as the continued back to the first floor. They checked back in with their things, putting on their jackets and winter wear. Atsumu took Kita’s hand as they stood in front of the entrance, releasing a deep breath as they stepped back outside.

The winter looked so peaceful. Glowing white around, even with a sky that was peaking spots of blue and grey as the sky and clouds tried to separate themselves. Kita’s eyes followed the huff of wisps that came out from their noses, then looked back down at his fingers twined into Atsumu’s

“Life goes on,” Suna and Osamu said in unison, both of them looking away from the sky. 

Kita smiled as he watched the two dismiss themselves, walking towards their car and soon leaving the parking lot of the agency. When he looked back, Atsumu was still staring up at the sky. A small amount of sunlight shone through the winter sky, the angle of it hitting against Atsumu’s face.

It was bright, a tiny glimmer passing by that warm eyes.

”Yeah... you’re right Shinsuke,” he beamed, closing his eyes with his head still towards the sky. 

“It really is exciting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello 2021! Let’s hope this year is a good one~
> 
> Next up we got Truly Neon’s renewal, some and wrapping up with the others. Then ending is near and I’m happy to have you here!


	37. When I Rule the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I Rule the World - in progress song  
> From - YELLOW MIND (Tsukishima Kei)
> 
> When I rule the world, I want to rule it with you,  
> When I rule take the stage by storm, I want it to be with you,  
> If I could stand on top of the galaxy, I’d do it with no one else,  
> If I were to cross the seven seas, seven continents with someone, I must confess  
> It has to be you, it has to be you

“They’re disbanding?”

Kuroo spun around in office chair, nodding as he read the text over and over again. They were waiting in a separate conference room, as Truly Neon was a slightly bigger group compared to the rest of Viper Entertainment’s bands. Kita had just texted him about the results of their meeting. The group collectively agreed (after a long discussion) that they would be disbanding to focus on person goals. 

“Yeah, Osamu is leaving the stage and going behind the cameras,” Kuroo turned his phone off, looking back at Oikawa, who was the one asking the question across the table.

”Film maker?” Oikawa asked, resting his chin in his hand as he leaned against the table, “Seems reasonable as their family worked in that line. He was a really good dancer though...”

”Everyone has their own goals and dreams Oikawa,” Iwaizumi- who was next to Oikawa- reminded him, “Why else do you think we are having this meeting? If it weren’t for that whole disaster, we wouldn’t have even gotten the chance to say something about the choices being made. We’re lucky that everything was fixed.”

”If everyone here was still affected by what happened, we probably would have disbanded,” Kuroo murmured, “It would have been difficult to move on as if life was still normal, not to mention that it was possible for two of our members to never want to be in this field again. We’re lucky that Iwaizumi avoided the dart.”

Iwaizumi rubbed the side of his neck, “There were still some side effects since some of the serum got into me. They were the worst headaches of my life, but I’m glad I didn’t forget anything.”

”You forgot some things,” Oikawa crossed his arms, “They were just minor though like a chord, or what floor we lived on. You eventually remembered in a few days... that’s a relief,” he sighed out. 

“I told you not to worry,” Iwaizumi nudged Oikawa, “After this, smooth sailing for all of us.” 

“Smooth sailing you say?”

They all turned in the chairs to look towards the door as Ukai Keishin came into the room, the other directors behind him. Kuroo and the other got up to greet them, momentarily rearranging themselves at the table so that Truly Neon was at one side while the directors were to the other side of the table.

”Let’s get straight to the point,” Ukai fixed his papers before placing them down, “Truly Neon is by far the most popular and profitable group from Viper Entertainment. However, it is your choice to what you six want to do. If you would like to continue, if you want a break, if you want to disband... it’s all in your hands today.”

Ushijima gestured to Kuroo, “As the leader, do you have your group’s statement?”

Kuroo sat up, clearing his throat as he looked ahead at the directors. They had discussed the fate of Truly Neon before they had arrived at the building. 

With a smile on his face, Kuroo clapped his hands together, “We, Truly Neon, plan to stay together as a band coming into this new bond between Viper Entertainment and Fly High Entertainment. It’ll be a pleasure working with your facilities,” he nodded at Ukai and Takeda.

”However,” he added on cautiously, “We’d like to take a small break before jumping right back into business. We’d also like some control over what we can do in our schedules, and most importantly to not have our personal lives be marketed as merch,” he gestured to the other members, “Please. That’s all we ask for.”

Ukai crossed his arms, tilting his head to the side, “You know... you boys can relax right? All of you seem so...”

”Tense,” Takeda pushed his glasses up, “I was aware that Daishou was pretty strict, but the fact that the band has to ask for simple rights such as privacy and choice...”

“The artists have been through a lot,” Sakusa pressed his lips into a thin line, “Everyone in that company has. At least we’ll be able to act like ourselves now, and we can actually help contribute to your future plans.”

“Of course,” Ukai agreed, “We’ll allow you guys to pick and arrange your events and schedules. And unlike your last contract, we do not have a dating ban. However, that doesn’t mean you can go around dating multiple people and being disrespectful to your relationship, but I’m sure most of you know that.”

It was no surprise to them about the basic regulations when it comes to dating. Most companies that didn’t have a dating ban only asked for them to be a decent human being and not cheat, or sleep around because of an artist’s imagery. That was something they didn’t mind complying with.

Oikawa held his hand up, “Don’t forget not to try to make profit out of our relationships. Also better security services...”

”Once more, those are basic rights artists should receive,” Takeda nodded, “We won’t do anything to harm your relationship. If the time comes where a company wants a couple to advertise, you can choose whether or not to reject. It’s in your hands now.”

”And of course, you boys are popular, so it’s a given for better security,” Ukai wrote something down on his paper, “We’ll provide as much as we can. As Fly High is going to maintain Viper Entertainment for a while, we’ll make sure that we get what you all need.”

“Is that all?” Ushijima asked, “Shall we rearrange contracts?”

”Yes, of course,” Kuroo smiled, relaxing his shoulders, “It’ll be a pleasure working with this new set of directors and producers.”

They set up their new contracts, looking over things various times to make sure that everything would be fair and compatible for both parties. The artists shook hands with the new additions to the director board, officially accepting the union with Fly High Entertainment. The new contract allowed them to have more freedom and to actually take time to have personal projects and breaks.

It was finally safe to relax their shoulders and breathe. It took a while, but it was still worth it.

”We’ll take our leave then,” Kuroo got up from his chair, nodding slightly at them, “Thank you for your hard work.”

“Thank you for your hard work,” the others repeated behind him.

The members trickled out of the conference room, Kuroo being the last to reach the door. As he was about to push the door open again, the directors called out for him.

”Kuroo, can you stay back for a bit?” Takeda asked, “We have something to talk to you about.”

”Oh... sure,” he said. Kuroo peek his head out of the door, telling the other members to go ahead without him. He the ducked back into the room, walking back to sit in front of the directors.

”Is something wrong?” Kuroo looked around at the directors.

”On the contrary, things are actually quite well,” Ukai flipped through a few papers, “We were looking at past works and projects of the artists in Viper Entertainment, and we noticed something under your possible projects that was always turned down.”

”Turned down?”

Ukai nodded, “I’m assuming that this might have been kept away from you since you seem confused. You said that your main schedules and solo projects were usually monitored because of Daishou’s strict regulations, right?”

”Yes... but we usually got told about most opportunities though.”

“I think he had his reason to keep this one away from you,” Sakusa murmured, tapping his finger against the table, “Kuroo... have you ever considered working in a different country for a short time?”

“Huh?” Kuroo widened his eyes, “A whole other country... you don’t mean-?”

“An American label that was close to Viper Entertainment had asked for you to work in Los Angeles for a while,” Ushijima nodded, “Starfruit Records. You may know some people who are there. Even after hearing the news about Daishou, they decided to keep ties with us. A few days ago, they asked about our plans for renewal. Specifically, they asked about you once more.”

Starfruit Records was a popular label based in Los Angeles with several smaller company joints in cities such as Chicago, New York, Portland, and Houston. They were also a label known for heavily supporting artists that were people of color, most of their artists having a well-known name in the USA. Starfruit Records was a connection gained from Ushijima’s side, as Daishou rarely sided with other companies. That was probably why Kuroo had never heard of the offer.

”So... are you asking if I’d like to go to America?” Kuroo asked, his heart beating out of surprise, and a jump of excitement within it. To learn more about music in a country that has so many well known artists— and with Starfruit Records! That wasn’t something anyone was offered. 

“If you would like to take the opportunity, and whenever you are ready to make a decision,” Takeda explained, “We’ll be here to support your choice. If you do choose to go to America, you’ll be there for a while.”

”How long?” he asked, thinking that it would only be a short time. 

”It depends on results,” Ukai pointed to some papers, “It could be months or a year or two... they have an extensive list of things to provide for artists who are coming in from other countries. A lot of campaigns are also involved, so you’d be attending and contributing to such events as well.”

He could feel the moment his heart dropped.

Years?

”May I remind you that it’s your choice,” Sakusa emphasized, “I know that it is sudden, especially since your group would like to take a hiatus, but you have time to make a decision. Consider those around you too, Kuroo.”

“Of course,” Kuroo said, his eyes still on the papers the directors were showing him, “I’ll tell you my answer when it’s ready. Thank you for the information.”

The directors let him go, Kuroo leaving the room with a lot on his mind. Sure, he wanted to go, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized how different it would be. America? That was far from here. Not to mention there were opposing time zones, new environments... everything would be strange to him. It’s not like he hasn’t been to America before, but visiting and living there were two different things.

And Tsukishima...

Kuroo shook his head as he walked further into the building, aimlessly wandering around with his thoughts swarming his mind. He passed by a few people, who were staring and questioning him as he walked on. Round and round the building, Kuroo kept walking every where. 

“Eh? Kuroo?”

Kuroo finally stopped in his tracks when he heard a familiar voice. He glanced toward the direction of the voice, finding Kenma with Hinata. Kenma held a can of hot chocolate in his hands, Hinata’s arms full with cans as well. Kuroo placed his hands in his pockets, nodding towards them.

”Yeah? Is something up?”

”We were supposed to meet up in the cafeteria so that we could talk about something,” Kenma pointed towards the exit to the stairway, “Shouyou and I came up here because the vending machines downstairs ran out of stock.”

”It is cold, so it was bound to happen,” Hinata shrugged, “There’s a vending machine over here people rarely go to since it’s tucked away in a corner. It also happens to have to best drinks!” he beamed.

Kuroo looked over at Kenma, a slight smile on his friend’s eyes soften as he watched Hinata’s expressions. Kuroo smirked, rolling his eyes slightly, “C’mon then lovebirds, let’s get back to the group.”

”Don’t say that,” Kenma grumbled, shaking his head and walking past Kuroo. Hinata simply followed Kenma, not taking much into what Kuroo had said.

At least the artists had more time to get closer to each other and the new ones they would meet with Fly High. Kuroo should be happy. He _should_ be happy. He was in the same company as his boyfriend, his friends were expanding their relationships, their group was taking more steps towards improvement, and he got an invitation to go to America for extra training and promotion. He had it all again.

So... why did his heart feel so heavy?

Kuroo continued to follow Kenma and Hinata all the way back to the cafeteria. The group was sitting at a table, Akaashi with a notebook in his hand. Kenma and Hinata placed down the things they brought.

”Well that’s my cue to leave,” Hinata smiled, “My schedule starts soon, but thanks for the drink, Kenma,” he waved, “It’s great to have you guys under our company family!”

Kenma waved goodbye to Hinata, that soft expression still on his face as Hinata disappeared into the hallway. Kuroo nudged Kenma, “I guess I know why you’re a little happier than us to be here.”

”What do you mean?” Kenma furrowed his eyebrows, “I’m pretty sure we’re all happy to be here.”

”Kenma, you look at Hinata the same way you look at a new video game,” Kuroo grabbed one of the cans of coffee on the table, “Completely absorbed.”

”I do not,” Kenma grumbled again, focusing back on his coffee, “Let’s just get on with what we were going to talk about.”

”Yes, about if we had anything planned during the break as a group,” Akaashi tapped his pen on the notebook, “We should at least let the directors know when to expect Truly Neon’s return. Not only that, but I’m sure some of us want to take some time to focus on solo activities.”

Oikawa cracked open one of the coffee cans, “A hiatus for the group doesn’t necessarily mean that we won’t do anything. In our sense, we’re just taking time to heal or to do things on our own,” he said, “Hajime and I will be taking this time to rest. No cameras for now.”

Iwaizumi nodded in agreement, “It’d be great to finally have a little bit of privacy. We’re waiting till the entire group will be active together, but until then, it’s just time to catch up without any busy schedules.”

Akaashi scribbled it down, “Okay, that’s that for you two. I know you want to try out a subunit,” he pointed to Bokuto, “Kenma mentioned that he wanted to spruce up on his producing and editing. So maybe we should return in a few months?”

”What about two years?” Kuroo meant to say to himself. Everyone went silent for a while, some of them staring over at Kuroo with puzzled expressions.

Oikawa bursted out into laughter, “Tetsu, a two year hiatus? That’s something we may never come back to! I can’t believe you’d suggest something like that, especially as the leader.”

”They offered for me to go to America with Starfruit Records,” Kuroo gave it to them straight, “I have the chance to go to the states guys. Isn’t that great?”

“USA?” Bokuto asked curiously, “Kuroo, that’s amazing! It’ll give you so many opportunities to discover new methods and to make new ties,” he clapped his hands together in excitement.

”That’s really good for you,” Iwaizumi nudged Kuroo, “Los Angeles, right? You’ll be out there with the big producers and dancers of the music world.”

”So, what’s the problem?” Oikawa crossed his arms, “Is it because it could be up to two years?”

”If you’re gone for that long, it doesn’t mean we’ll feel some sort of bitterness,” Kenma sighed, “It’s a good opportunity for you and for one of our names to get out there. Not to mention, as Bokuto said, we can get more connections outside of Japan.”

”But-“ Kuroo was about to retort.

”I can hold down the fort if you go,” Oikawa offered, “I can play for the lead guitar, I can produce, and I have impeccable leadership skills,” he proudly stated, “Of course, once you come back, I would be more than happy to let you take the role back.”

Iwaizumi nodded, ”Yeah, we have everything under control, and we can always promote for a while without the whole group. What do you think, Akaashi?” he turned to look at Akaashi for his opinion. 

”Tsukishima.”

He had only said that one name, and it was enough for everyone to realize why Kuroo seemed so conflicted over the offer. Anyone else would have taken it in a heartbeat. But Kuroo...

”Do you plan to-, no,” Akaashi pressed his lips together into a thin line, “ _When_ will you talk to Tsukishima about this?”

Tsukishima had gone through so much already. He had to deal with his depression and anxiety on his own when Kuroo’s memories got erased, he got wrapped up in Daishou’s mess, and he lost his own memories for a short while. All misunderstandings and tragedies that caused him pain, and just when everything was getting better, this comes up. 

Kuroo couldn’t keep this to himself. Tsukishima wouldn’t like it if he found out that Kuroo turned down something just because of him. There were other possibilities on his reaction, but he wouldn’t know until he spoke with him. No avoiding and no misunderstandings. 

“I’m going to talk to him today,” Kuroo shifted from one side to another, placing the unopened can of coffee back down on the table, “It’s better to talk about it now than later.”

Akaashi nodded, “Alright. We’ll figure out things once you come back,” he got up, the rest of the group preparing to go back home, “I’m glad that you’re thinking this through. I’m sure anyone else would have picked up the offer so quickly.”

”Well, I love him,” Kuroo smiled, “It’s our relationship, so we have to talk through these kinds of things if we want to keep a healthy one. Right?”

They all nodded and agreed. Akaashi wished him luck for everything to go well. He knew that Akaashi would be one to worry about them. After all, Akaashi was the person who was in between their mess when Kuroo’s memories were gone. After all that they had gone through, he probably just wanted to see the both of them living their lives happily.

He wanted that too. 

Kuroo made his way up the the studio rooms, his mind already knowing the way to Tsukishima’s studio like the back of his hand. They were going to talk about this, just talk everything out. That’s all.

He stopped in front of the door to the studio, knocking on it softly. He waited for a few seconds, Tsukishima soon opening the door slightly to see who it was. His boyfriend raised an eyebrow at him, opening the door fully to invite him in.

”What are you doing here?” Tsukishima asked as he walked back into the studio, “I thought you were going to talk through your plans with the group. Did something come up?”

_”Yes, actually! I was offered to go to America.”_

“Ah, we just ended it earlier than expected,” Kuroo closed the door behind him after he entered, seating himself on the small couch Tsukishima had. It looked like he was working on a personal concept cover. Perhaps one for a mini or full album? 

“Hm, then why come here?” Tsukishima continued as he looked down at some small notes on his desk, “You must be tired from all that talking and listening. I know that it’s important, but contract talk is objectively one of the most annoyingly things to go through.”

Kuroo chuckled, “Nah, I don’t mind all that talk since it’s still crucial to our career. Besides,” he crossed his arms across his chest, a slight pout on his face, “I can’t visit my loving firefly during his work hours?”

”No, no you cannot. I ban you from ever stepping a foot in this studio,” Tsukki drawled out, rolling his eyes.

”Tsukki look, my feet are touching the floor,” he tapped his shoes on the ground mockingly, “Oh no, my feet are stepping on the studio! I have broken the law of Tsukishima Kei,” he shook his head gravely, peaking up slightly to see Tsukishima’s reaction.

He was trying his best to not laugh out loud, but a smile was forming on the corners of his lips. Tsukishima glanced over at Kuroo, a soft exhale from his nose making the sound of a hint of a laugh. Kuroo grinned back at him, getting up from his chair and gesturing towards the door. He had an idea of where to go in order to give him some time to collect all things thoughts and words.

”Let’s go see the ocean, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima raised his eyebrow once more, “All of the sudden?”

Kuroo shoved his hands in his pockets, “Why not? I heard that the winter ocean is one of the most beautiful things you can see during this time. We might as well go since there isn’t anymore signs of snowfalls.”

”But in this freezing weather?”

”Tsukki, it’s called a winter ocean for a reason,” Kuroo walked closer to the door, “So, are you gonna join me for a lovely experience, or do I have to go by myself and bring back a jar of winter ocean water for you?”

Tsukishima crinkled his nose up, “Don’t you dare bring seawater into the house,” he got up from his chair, “My car or yours?”

”Whoever gets to the parking lot first wins, loser has to drive!” Kuroo swung the door open, already running down the hall before Tsukishima could grab his things.

”Hey!” he heard Tsukishima yell, “Tetsurou, you cheating bastard!”

Kuroo just laughed as he ran down the halls, a short moment in which he forgot about his conflicting thoughts that could possibly change his life in many different ways.

* * *

“It’s freezing.”

”I told you it would be.”

Kuroo really underestimated how cold it would be near the ocean. Even with a puffer jacket and thick mittens, Kuroo could feel the chilly winter air biting his skin. They were at the closest beach Kuroo could think of, the area mostly bare with a few people passing by. The two had stepped out of the car, looking out at the view. The crashing waves were loud in such a quiet place. The sky was completely clear compared to this morning. Winter’s sun was showing its face for today. At least that would help somewhat Kuroo from turning into an icicle.

He felt something being wrapped around his neck. Kuroo turned his head slightly to see Tsukishima at his right side, fixing a red scarf around Kuroo. He made a simple loose loop around his neck, straightening out the wrinkles from the warm yarn.

”I had an extra,” Tsukishima muttered, “You’re welcome.”

Kuroo smiled at him, extending his hand towards Tsukishima, “C’mon, let’s go see it up close.”

He took his hand, holding it tightly as he ran forward with Tsukishima in tow. The winter air slapped across his cheeks, biting his skin until it turned red, but Kuroo ignored it as they continued forward. Pairs of footprints were left behind as the kept going, the sky seeming to turn into the saturated blue that it would be in the spring. He stopped once the got close enough to the waves, just out of reach of their shoes getting wetting.

Tsukishina huffed, letting go of Kuroo’s hand for a moment, “I didn’t expect to be running. You almost pulled my arm off,” he pushed Kuroo with minimal force. Kuroo chuckled, still staring at the ocean in front of them. He heard Tsukishima take a deep breath in, and a satisfactory exhale being released.

”It is refreshing though,” he too looked at the sight in front of them, “The air is crisp, and it looks clearer than ever. It’s a huge difference from the summer.”

“Yeah, it’s really pretty,” Kuroo murmured, glancing towards Tsukishima for a moment. 

His boyfriend hadn’t cut his hair in a while. It was a little longer than normal, a few strands being blown by the crisp air. A few sun freckles were tempted to peek out on his pale skin, adorning the edges of his eyes and cheeks. Those golden eyes were focused on the blue ocean in view, soft as ever and as he had always known.

How could he leave this behind?

Kuroo looked back across the ocean. On the other side, there was a different country. There were more opportunities, new experiences, and most of all, a place where he could learn more about himself. Connect with his different roots, expand on his love for music, and just experience something that may never happen again when the time comes for him to retire his microphone. 

How could he pass up the chance?

Kuroo sighed heavily, “Tsukki, did you ever see an ocean within your mind?”

“Are you talking about when memories return?” Tsukishima looked down at the sand, “I’ve heard of it, but it didn’t happen to me. I remember them falling over my mind _like_ an ocean, but I’d didn’t have some sort of vision like that.”

”I did,” Kuroo said, “When my first batch came back, it was dark and stormy. A past version of myself was standing in the middle of the sea,” he pointed to the waves, “I had never seen my body or eyes shake so much in dread and fear. When it came to the second time, everything was so calm and peaceful. The same past self seemed so happy to see me there.”

Kuroo lowered his outstretched arm, “They did the same thing. They led me to center, took me down, and pushed me towards the needed memory. ‘ _Remember_ ’ is what those past selves said,” he looked back at Tsukishima, “And I remembered everything.”

”The ocean was like the points of turmoil and euphoria,” Tsukishima crossed his arms, “It was your happiest memory and the memory that hurt you the most. Memories can cause so many different emotions, much like an ocean that can change in the matter of seconds. I get it. But...”

Tsukishima turned to fully face Kuroo, but Kuroo kept his gaze ahead of him, “Why are you telling me this?”

“There are new memories to be made. I see it in this winter sea,” he pointed once more across the sea, “It’s refreshing, as you said. Something for a new beginning or a change of pace. I see the ocean in my head, Kei. It’s not telling me about my past though.”

He looked at Tsukishima, “It’s about what’s in store ahead of us.”

Tsukishima furrowed his eyebrows, “I don’t understand.”

”Over there, across these miles of water, is California,” he let out his thoughts, “And I got an offer to go there for music studies and an expansion to our name. It’s undetermined how long I would stay if I go. It could be weeks, months... years. It’s something that I wouldn’t mind turning down.”

He swallowed thickly in attempt to push down the lump on his throat, “But... I want to go. My goal in life is take make music that makes myself and everyone around me happy. That’s exactly what the program is offering. Concerts in places of need, supporting those who are in need of a song, and learning more about the different music of the world. It’s incredible, it’s really a nicely made package.”

He lowed his hand back at his side, putting his hand in his pocket, “Yet, I can’t go— or I’m scared to leave. I _want_ to go, I really do, but I can’t find myself making that decision head on. Not if I have to be away from you for that long again.”

Silence.

”Frankly, I was worried about this,” he tapped his feet against the wet sand, water barely touching his sneakers, “I’m ready for any response. Maybe you’re angry that I’d want to go because of everything that has happened, and I’ll understand why. You’ve been through a lot this past year, more than anyone. So-“

”I can’t believe you.”

There was a bite in the voice. Tsukishima scowled, “You selfish, inconsiderate prick. You want to go to America? You want to leave everything behind to go across the world, chasing that fame and fortune that you said you’d didn’t bat an eye to? How pathetic could you be to turn your back on your words, _again_? To leave me here, after everything we’ve been through?! I can’t believe you...”

”Kei-“

”Is that what you thought I’d say?”

The hard tone suddenly went away, replaced by one that was softer, even worried in a sense. Kuroo looked up at Tsukishima, his brows furrowed slightly as he carefully examined Kuroo’s expression.

Kuroo searched Tsukishima’s eyes for some sort of anger or sadness. It wasn’t the crashing waves that he found, but a calm surface, quiet ripples stirring around as Tsukishima waited for his response. Kuroo managed to swallow the lump in his throat, “You... you’re not upset? Or angry?”

”No,” Tsukishima half-laughed, “Why would I be? Tetsu... you don’t have to be afraid to bring up these kinds of things with me. I’m not going to burst out because of something like this, at least not the person who I am now wouldn’t do that.”

”But... it’s America,” Kuroo repeated, “It’s so far. I told you it can be a long time until I come back to Japan. After everything that had happened the past year, I didn’t think that you’d take this lightly...”

”Yeah, it’s America,” Tsukishima nodded towards the other side of the ocean, “That’s 6,321 miles away from Japan, over a twelve hour flight on airlines. That’s the country across the ocean,” he looked back at Kuroo, “You thought I’d be worried because...?”

”Distance,” Kuroo answered, “It just reminded me of when I first met you. All that pain was caused because of how far apart we felt, the huge gap between us and what we knew. Not to mention, we barely managed to get to this point. Our relationship is finally healing... this can ruin it again.”

”It’s not like before though, is it?”

Kuroo shook his head, “Explain?”

Tsukishima sighed, a soft smile on his face, “I’ve been thinking about everything that had happened in the span of a few months. I’m not the same person anymore. Neither are you, Tetsurou,” he rocked back and forth on his heels, looking up at the ceiling. 

“If I were to put it in simple terms, we’ve been through a lot of shit,” Tsukishima continued, “Both of us. I had my problems with the past, you had that _and_ your company on top of it. It was fear on top of more fear and anxiety. We had our hard times, it was expected that we’d feel weak and pathetic at moments.”

Tsukishima took his hands out of his pockets, staring down at his frosted fingers, “If I’m being honest, there were too many times where I felt like we’d lose everything all over again. The thought of a breakup ran across my mind every once in a while, so there was always some sort of worry hurrying itself into my head. Perhaps it’s like the ocean you talked about. It was always rippling, stirring, expecting the moment in which everything will crash down.”

Kuroo looked down at Tsukishima’s hands as well, watching as he turned the over and over again. Until, he finally stopped, his red-tipped fingers touching over the ring he wore. Tsukishima laughed a little, “You know what though?”

He glanced towards Kuroo, “I’m not worried anymore. I’m not worried about that happening anytime soon _because_ of everything that had happened. If we can survive through that, and still make it out together in the end, then we can get through any other hurdle—most likely. And of course, there’s another main factor.”

“Which is...?”

”I trust you.”

While Kuroo already knew in his heart what Tsukishima had said, it felt different hearing it out loud.

”So what if you go to America?” Tsukishima squinted as he looked back across the ocean, “It’s not like I’m going to see you holding hands with some other celebrity. It’s not like I’m going to lose you to all that Hollywood limelight. I know that I won’t. The Kuroo Tetsurou I know doesn’t really care about fame, he cares about letting his voice be heard across the seven seas. He wants people to like him for his music and his true personality, not for his looks or how rich he is. He doesn’t want to lose himself to the conformity of the music industry...”

Tsukishima turned back to him, “Kuroo Tetsurou wants to stick to his roots; making music that people can find their comfort in. That’s all. And that’s exactly what you want to achieve in the program that Starfruit Records is offering, am I right?”

Kuroo nodded, “But... it’s still going to be a long time. It won’t be easy for either of us.”

”But we’re always with each other,” he held his hand up, showing the ring that Kuroo made him, “Even after years of push and pull, forgetting and remembering... we still found each other. Somehow, we ran back into what we knew best.”

Tsukishima sighed again, a puff of winter air leaving his mouth, “I don’t know if it’s because of the ocean, but I’m sounding pretty sentimental, aren’t I?” he stifled a laugh, “I might as well show you this while I’m at it.”

Kuroo raised his eyebrow slightly, wondering what else Tsukishima wanted to say. Tsukishima put his hand back into his pocket, pulling out his phone. He unlocked it, swiping through some files he had. He pushed on a file, letting it play out loud from the speaker of his phone.

” _When I rule the world, I want to rule it with you... when I take the stage by storm, I want it to be with you.”_

“This is...?”

”” _House of Memories”,_ title track, “ _When I Rule the World”_. Side tracks include “ _8 p.m_ ”, “ _Coin Karaoke_ ”, “ _Jellyfish Garden_ ”, and more to be added. It’s my first full length album in a while. The only theme of this album are the new memories, the old ones, and everything in between. In comparison to “ _Memories_ ”, it’s not about losing someone and reminiscing in the last.”

”It’s about finding someone and rebuilding for the future,” he let the song play out, the soft lo-fi blending in the the waves that had calmed down, “In other words... I found you after I lost you. I plan to stay by your side, ocean between us or not.”

Kuroo’s lips started to wobble, “Kei...”

”I’ll always be with you. So go on, take the offer. Just know that I’ll be waiting, and that I’m just a phone call away. Or if you get lonely, look at the ocean. We’re both seeing the same waters-“

Kuroo pulled Tsukishima into a tight embrace, almost causing Tsukishima to drop his phone. He buried his nose into Tsukishima’s plaid scarf, his fingers tightly grasping themselves on the olive jacket. He didn’t say anything for a long while, the ocean waters lapping at the beach making up for the silence. He felt Tsukishima put his phone away, returning the embrace to Kuroo. Tsukishima gently patted Kuroo’s back, and it was enough for Kuroo to know that Tsukishima really meant what he said. 

”Hey, everything will be okay, you know?” Tsukishima murmured in attempt to get Kuroo to speak up, “You big crybaby... thinking that I’d go away because of something like this? After everything we’ve been through, I’m pretty sure you’ll never see the last of me. Geez.”

Kuroo laughed a little, “What? You think I’m sick of you or something?” he mumbled.

”I know I’m so sick of you. I can’t wait till you go to America,” he dragged his words out, that biting sarcasm lacing the edge of every word. 

“That’s so rude, Kei.”

”Then I bet you can’t wait to get away from this rude behavior,” he could practically hear Tsukishima sticking his tongue out mockingly.

Kuroo pushed himself away from Tsukishima to get a look at his face. Sure enough, Tsukishima was sticking his tongue out slightly, a smug hanging over his eyes to complete the mock. Kuroo rolled his eyes slightly at him, moving away from the embrace.

”Let’s go, we don’t want to get caught in traffic,” Kuroo walked away from the shore, trekking back to the parking lot. He wiped the few tears that spilled from the corner of his eyes, breathing in deeply to recollect himself. He heard the sand crunch behind him, so he knew that Tsukishima was following.

It looked like he overthought everything, but Tsukishima was right.

They both changed.

Every relationship has its curves and dips. For them, they took a huge plunge to the bottom, one that many would find impossible to crawl out of. Yet, they managed to climb their way back up to the top. Anything after this would seem like a small crack in their relationship. Yes, there were still going to be problems that will appear, but they know how to handle a situation calmly now. In a sense, they matured from the earlier stages of their relationship and the rebuilding process.

It was trust that had been built over and over again, becoming stronger every time they picked it up again. It was that fortified belief that they would stay true to themselves and their words that kept them going. That’s what made them believe that the could rule the world. No... _when_ they rule the world, it’ll be better than they can ever imagine.

Kuroo stopped in front of the car, turning to look back at Tsukishima. He could see the ocean behind him, the January sun lowering itself as the afternoon was getting ready to greet the late evening. Tsukishima smiled slightly at him, Kuroo beaming back at him as he felt fully reassured.

”You’re right. We’ll be okay.”

* * *

February 18th, departure time 5.00 A.M, current time, 2:30 A.M.

“Kuroo! Let’s go, you’re going to be late for your flight!”

”There’s a whole two hours left, do we have to go right now?”

”You still have to go through luggage check-in, security, and who knows what else in order to get over there. We also have to get there before all the fan pages and cameras get there to take photos. Come on, the car’s already warmed up!”

Kuroo was kneeling down on the floor by the threshold, giving Midnight a good petting before he left for California. The small black cat purred, pressing her head against his hands. Kuroo rubbed the top of her head, smiling at her before he got up.

”Don’t miss me too much, okay?” he looked down at the cat, “And don’t you go scratching up my pillows or my side of the bed. I better come back to those being in perfect condition.”

Midnight meowed, turning her back to Kuroo as she padded away to the bedroom. Kuroo huffed, “I’ll miss you too! Don’t ruin the pillows!”

”I’m pretty sure she’s going to ignore you.”

Tsukishima appeared at the doorway, leaning against the frame while he watched Kuroo pick up his backpack. Kuroo shook his head, “It seems she likes you better than me. Ugh... the struggles of being the least favorite parent.”

”Oh come on, she just didn’t expect for us to be up this early,” he crossed his arms, “Anyways, do you have your passport and IDs?”

”Check.”

”Wallet?”

”Check.”

”Ticket?”

”In my wallet.”

”Phone? Laptop? Headphones?”

”Checkity check,” he gestured to his backpack, also grabbing hold of his last suitcase, “I’m all ready to go. Let’s get on the road then.” 

Tsukishima pushed himself away from the doorframe, walking back inside to grab something. He appeared back at the threshold with a black beanie, fixing it over Kuroo’s head, “It’s cold. You can’t catch a cold before you get over there.”

Kuroo fixed the hair that was poking out, “What would I ever do without you?” he fondly murmured at Tsukishima’s gesture.

”You’d be absolutely hopeless.”

”Kei!”

Tsukishima chuckled a little, “For real though, let’s get going.”

Kuroo nodded as he followed Tsukishima, turning off the lights and closing door behind them as he left their small studio apartment. He looked around as they walked down the steps, taking in the last views of the apartment building before they stepped outside.

The night was as fresh as ever, some snow still hanging around from last month. Kuroo looked up at the sky, smiling up at the glowing moon. It felt so surreal, everything that was finally happening after so many twists and turns. He turned to face the car, hauling the last of his luggage to the trunk.

“Next stop, Haneda International Airport!”

* * *

3:25 A.M.

Kuroo unbuckled his seatbelt after Tsukishima had parked the car in the garage lot. Yukie and Shimzu were the ones who were helping Kuroo with his trip. They had arrived earlier than the two of them, which was another reason why Tsukishima wanted to leave so soon. Kuroo glanced at the rearview mirror, the managers placing his suitcases on a trolley for them to be checked in. 

He fiddled around with the beanie on his head, then reaching down to his backpack to pull out his mask. Looping the strings behind his ears, Kuroo let out a deep sigh, “This is it.”

”Yeah,” Tsukishima hummed, “It’s really happening.”

”Are you sure you can’t come with me up to security? Or at least watch me go up the escalator to the check in and check out?”

Tsukishima shook his head, “We’re still not public. I don’t want people to figure out like this.”

“I don’t either, but... this is the last time I’ll see you in a while,” he quietly said, “I want to capture your face for as long as I can until I _have_ to part ways.”

”Kuroo, I’m still going to be here. It’s not like you can’t FaceTime me or look at my pictures any more,” Tsukishima dropped his hands from the wheel, moving them to smooth out the collar Kuroo’s leather jacket. His hands lingered for a moment, adjusting the necklace that was peeking out from behind the zipper. Even after smoothing everything out from the scarf, to the beanie, to the neck of his turtleneck, Tsukishima couldn’t seem to move away from Kuroo.

“Kei, let’s step out for a moment, yeah?”

”Hm? Oh... yeah, okay.”

They made sure that they were parked somewhere that was discreet from the public. Kuroo stepped out of the car, grabbing the last of his things and placing them on the trolley that Shimizu pushed on ahead. Yukie nodded at him after she told him where they would be. He understood, Yukie and Shimzu soon leaving Kuroo and Tsukishima alone.

On that morning, Tsukishima was wearing a beige coat that was nicely paired with a white turtleneck. He was fiddling with his ring slightly, but he soon stopped after looking up at Kuroo. Kuroo extended his arms out, wiggling his fingers to coax Tsukishima into one final hug.

Tsukishima accepted, wrapping his arms around Kuroo’s waist while Kuroo wrapped his around Tsukishima’s upper body. He felt Tsukishima burrow his nose near the crook of Kuroo’s neck, breathing in deeply and sighing softly. The two stayed like that for a moment, rocking around in a circular motion in the parking lot area. Kuroo pushed away from Tsukishima, looking at him in the eyes. 

“I love you, Kei.”

Tsukishima gave a half-hearted laugh, the corner of his eyes crinkling slightly, “I love you too, Tetsurou.”

Kuroo went in for a kiss, pressing his lips against Tsukishima’s. A perfect fit, just as always. It was warm, tender... almost bittersweet as he took it in. Tsukishima moved his hands up, cupping his face gently. It was so warm, every ounce of cold leaving his tainted cheeks. For a moment, Kuroo’s hands weren’t cold. He could actually feel heat coursing through his fingertips. Only Tsukishima could do that to him...

He was going to miss this.

Tsukishima pulled away from him, pressing one last kiss to Kuroo’s forehead. The corner of Kuroo’s lips curled up slightly, a shaky sigh exiting out of his nose after Tsukishima looked at him.

”I’m going to miss you so much,” he leaned into Tsukishima’s touch, “You better be keeping yourself healthy and safe while I’m gone.”

”The same goes to you,” Tsukishima replied, sweeping his thumb under Kuroo’s eyes, “Take breaks when you start preforming and producing. Don’t worry about adjusting quickly either, you have time to let everything sink in.”

Kuroo nodded slowly, “I’ll call you once I land. Be sure to pick up.”

”Of course.”

Kuroo reached up to grab Tsukishima’s hands, holding them into his own, “I’m gonna go now. I don’t want to keep Yukie and Shimzu waiting too long.”

Tsukishima hummed in agreement, “Safe travels. I’ll be waiting for that call.”

Kuroo dropped one of Tsukishima’s hands, still hesitant on leaving. He brought the hand he was holding up to his lips, kissing his knuckles before letting it go. He waved as he walked away from Tsukishima and the car, not turning around until he saw Tsukishima go back into the car. Tsukishima waved from his driver’s seat, not leaving until he saw Kuroo disappear from the parking garage.

This was it.

It was time for a new page in their lives.

-

And after hours and hours of waiting, flying, unpacking, and readjusting, Kuroo finally made it to Los Angeles with Yukie and Shimizu. The managers would be returning to Japan in a week or two until Kuroo was somewhat settled.

Even in California, there was still some winter breeze that turned the tips of his ears red. Kuroo stepped out of the airport, looking out at the loud city that he would be living in for a short time.

A few hours later and after leaving his things at his new home, Kuroo found himself at the beach, his phone out as he dialed Tsukishima’s number. He unzipped his leather jacket slightly, rubbing his thumb across the guitar puck necklace with his free hand while the phone rang.

“I’m looking at the ocean as we speak,” he said as soon as Tsukishima picked up, “What are you doing?”

” _Looking at the winter ocean as well. It’s pretty late over there though, isn’t it?”_

”Yeah, but I can’t sleep. I still need to get used to the time zone difference and all that,” he said as he walked around the sidewalk, jumping between each circle of spotlight that came from the street light of the decks, “You have work soon, I believe. I’ll leave you to it, I just wanted to let you know that I got here safely.”

Tsukishima murmured a goodbye, Kuroo’s thumb hovering over the end call button after he said his goodbyes. However he heard something from the other end of the line.

” _Wait_.”

Kuroo brought the phone back up to his ear. He looked out at the calm ocean, the moon shining down on the still waters. It was glittering, only a slight breeze causing some stirring. Still holding the guitar pick in his hand, he could almost feel the warmth of Tsukishima’s fingers. 

On the other side of the ocean was a much brighter one. The winter’s sun was smiling down on the crystal waters, Tsukishima standing close enough to the shore for the icy ocean to touch the tips of his shoes. He was running his thumb across his ring, one or two tears dropping onto it as he smiled sadly back at the ocean.

” _I miss you already.”_

Kuroo was already sniffling as soon as he heard Tsukishima’s voice turn small. He fully faced the shoreline, smiling as brightly as he could to make his expression cross the vast sea. He could almost see Tsukishima in front of him as he did, who was smiling back at him.

”Wait for me. I miss you too, my firefly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the last one, how exciting!  
> I hope those who are reading stay till the very end. Thank you so much!
> 
> recommend song: bon iver - mxmtoon

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to "House of Memories"! I'm your author, Star. I hope you will enjoy this journey. 3rd time is the charm, so hopefully this story will come out alright. I wanted to give my hand at another AU and a "getting back together" story. It's a bit soon for another story (especially since I just finished one a few days ago), but I have nothing else to do because of the current situation. I ask for your patience and kindness :)
> 
> Enjoy!


End file.
